When my children were little, sometimes in public places they would exhibit behavior that was hard (not impossible, but hard) to correct once it was in motion. For instance, at the grocery store one would ask for candy and a drink and a toy. Or visiting an elderly neighbor, my child would want to wander off and play in other rooms when I wanted him to stay where I could see him, or mess with things he was not supposed to, or ask for candy from the candy dish, etc. One day at the grocery store it occurred to me to tell him before we ever got out of the car what he could have in the way of a treat (sometimes we would get a drink if it was a hot day, or a piece of candy at the register, or whatever). Then if he asked for something in addition once we got in the store, I would say, “No, remember, we’re just getting this today. Maybe next time we can get that.” When we went to visit the neighbor, before we ever left our house, I would say (in a matter-of-fact way, not a harsh or scolding way) that we were going to visit Mrs. B., and he could not ask for a piece of candy, though he could have one if she offered it, and he had to stay in the room where I was and not touch the things Mrs. B. had on her end tables (side hint: in situations like that it also helps to bring a little toy or book or something that the child can play with). Mrs. B., by the way, always seemed to love our visits and never seemed to mind if my son handled anything in her house, but I wanted to teach him not to do that.

It seemed that often just by letting him know ahead of time what he could expect, a lot of inappropriate behavior was avoided. In fact, as I remember these things I am picturing my oldest, so possibly by the time the others came along this was already ingrained in my child-rearing habits. I am sure it was not fool-proof, and there were probably infractions, but it did seem to help immensely.

We discovered another variation of this when he was older. The local Christian college was putting on a production that might be of special interest to children and invited upper elementary children at our Christian school to come to the final dress rehearsal. This gave the cast a chance to rehearse before a live audience (maybe even gave them a chance to know what the reaction might be) and gave the kids a treat. Before the production started, the man in charge (Dr. Gustafson, for those who know him) came out and told the children a little bit about it and explained how they needed to behave, again, in a kind but matter-of-fact tone. In the course of that he said something about “putting on our best concert manners.” That stuck with me when we went to other performances, and I was able to tell my children, “Remember the man who spoke to us about concert manners? We need to put on our best concert manners when we go to this program.” That was very helpful as well.

Shannon at Rocks In My Dryer began and hosts Works For Me Wednesday, and you can find more tips or share some of your own there.