Grace vs. Presumption

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Grace vs. Presumption

A while back, I saw a plethora of memes and tee shirts with sayings that started out, “Forgive me for what I said when I was . . . .” The sentence finished in various ways, “hangry” and “hormonal” being the two I saw most.

We all know those situations when we’re not at our best–when we’re hungry, tired, or stretched to our limits. When hormones are raging. When in traffic jams. When someone else is short with us. For an introvert, it may be when they’ve been in social situations for hours and just want to get back to the quietness of their rooms.

It’s good to take these things into account when interacting with others. When a toddler is having a meltdown in the grocery store because errands have taken too long and he’s hungry and tired, a lecture on discipline isn’t going to do the trick. If a husband comes home frustrated over a situation at work, that may not be the best time for a sensitive heart-to-heart discussion. When a woman is in the last throes of labor, we understand she has a lot going on physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and she may say things she usually wouldn’t.

While we give grace to others, we need to give grace to ourselves as well. Someone has said that sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is take a nap. It’s not self-indulgent to take care of whatever the underlying problem is.

In fact, I have always been touched by how God dealt with Elijah. In 1 Kings 18, Elijah has a showdown with the prophets of Baal. They’re to set up a sacrifice to their god and ask him to answer by fire. Elijah does the same. Nothing happens to the sacrifice for Baal, though they pray and cry and even cut themselves. But Elijah has water poured over his sacrifice three times, and even still, God sends fire that burns up the sacrifice and dries up the water.

But then in chapter nineteen, Queen Jezebel threatens Elijah’s life. He flees a day’s journey into the wilderness and asks to die.

It’s significant that before God even begins to deal with Elijah, He allows Him to sleep for a while and then sends an angel with food and drink. He took care of the prophet’s physical needs before talking with him about what was going on in his heart.

And sometimes we need to do that with ourselves and others.

However . . . there’s a difference between taking care of physical and emotional needs and being presumptuous. If I am “hangry,” I need to get something to eat as soon as possible, but that doesn’t give me a right to lash out at everyone in my path until I do.

If I am over-tired, I need to rest as soon as I can. But sometimes there is no rest in sight. That doesn’t mean I am justified in being short-tempered with people. It just means I need grace even more to carry on.

I used to wrestle with how in the world to be civil, much less nice to people, when hormones were raging. I’ve known women whose whole households (and in one case, the whole church) were turned upside down during their time of the month. There are things that can help, and we need to understand hormones are real factors. But we don’t abandon all self-control and just give way.

I almost titled this post, “There are no exception clauses to being filled with the Spirit” or to holiness. But I thought that might sound a little harsh. It’s true, though, that the Bible doesn’t say “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 3:22-23)–except when you’re over-tired. Or “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness” (2 Peter 1:3)–except when you’re hormonal.

In one of Amy Carmichael’s books, in the midst of her own health problems, she wrote:

This prayer was written for the ill and for the very tired. It is so easy to fail when not feeling fit. As I thought of them, I also remembered those who, thank God, are not ill and yet can be hard-pressed. Sometimes in the midst of the rush of things it seems impossible always to be peaceful, always to be inwardly sweet. Is that not so? Yet that and nothing less is our high calling. So the prayer is really for us all.

Before the winds that blow do cease,
Teach me to dwell within Thy calm;
Before the pain has passed in peace,
Give me, my God, to sing a psalm,
Let me not lose the chance to prove
The fulness of enabling love,
O Love of God, do this for me;
Maintain a constant victory.

Before I leave the desert land
For meadows of immortal flowers,
Lead me where streams at Thy command
Flow by the borders of the hours,
That when the thirsty come, I may
Show them the fountains in the way.
O Love of God, do this for me;
Maintain a constant victory.

I don’t always think in terms of constant victory. Do you? My first reaction is, “I’m only human.”

I am only human. But that’s not an excuse to sin when circumstances are more trying than usual. It just means I need God’s grace even more.

That passage in 2 Peter goes on to say, “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire” (2 Peter 1:3-4).

We have God’s Word, His “precious and very great promises” by which we know Him and fellowship with Him. We have the example of Christ, who resisted Satan’s temptations in the wilderness when He was more hungry and tired than we’ll ever be (Matthew 4:1-11). We have the Holy Spirit dwelling within us. We have “all things that pertain to life and godliness” through “His divine power!”

That doesn’t mean we paste on fake smiles and constantly say “Everything’s fine” when it’s not. We can be honest about our struggles while still seeking God’s grace in them. I think of people like Joni Eareckson Tada and Elisabeth Elliot who have been transparent and real about what they’ve gone through yet inspire us by their responses.

God’s grace covers us when we fail. But He also gives grace not to fail when we seek it.

I hope you understand I am not trying to heap guilt on anyone or expect perfection. I write not as one who has mastered these things, but as one who needs these reminders. There is room in the Christian life for lament, anguish, and pouring out the depths of our hearts. Our Father “knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust,” and “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him” (Psalm 103:13-14).

But in our trials, may our heart’s desire be, “Let me not lose the chance to prove The fulness of enabling love.”

Psalm 61:2

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

Laudable Linkage

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Laudable linkage

Some of the blog posts that stood out to me this week:

The Face We All Look For, HT to the Story Warren. “Somewhere deep in their little hearts, children know attention equals value and belonging, for we give our time and eyes to the things we value most. To a child, attention is also affection, and they long to be the objects of our affection.” “Believers, when we gaze on the person and work of Christ, we find the one our souls long for. We find home. Because of Christ’s redemptive work, we who were once blind now see with open eyes and can behold his beauty.”

By No Means Pardon the Guilty, HT to Challies “If we are willing to legalize abortion up until the point of birth, I assure you, we have been desensitized to the value of life and are unable to discern evil from good. We are not walking in Truth.”

Devotions: Duty or Delight? “Many people are hesitant to do their devotions if they don’t feel like it. After all, if they only read their Bible out of discipline, that would be hypocritical. Authenticity is all the rage these days. Reading my Bible if I don’t really want to read my Bible seems inauthentic. Warnings about checklist Christianity abound and are not entirely without merit. A Christianity that is based on merely doing the right things so that God will like me is no way to go about Christianity. But does that mean I should not read my Bible if doing so would seem fake?”

Seven Reasons Why Churches Fail. “All ministries seem to have a shelf life. It doesn’t have to be that way, but it most often is. The failure that comes at the end does not discount the great accomplishments for Christ over a long history of faithful ministry. However, our desire is to see Christian ministries—especially churches continue to prosper spiritually and in their effectiveness for Christ for as long as possible.”

The Only Thing Green Are the Weeds, HT to Challies “When the earth is starved of rain the only thing that grows are the weeds. They look healthy. Yet, if they are allowed to remain, they will strangle the growth of good plants and eat up, ruin and kill the grass of your lawn. It’s a parable of our Christians lives: if you starve yourself of God’s Word and Prayer, take yourself away from gathering with God’s people, you become impoverished. You dry out. But it is not only that, in the midst of the dryness, other things will grow. The seeds of sin manage to flourish in that arid ground, growing up through the cracks. “

The Dark Side of Mindfulness, HT to Challies “At that point, she had spent years both meditating and studying the brain. Because most kinds of meditation aim to enhance concentration, the practice can act like a stimulant. And just as chemical stimulants such as caffeine and Adderall can interfere with sleep, so, too, can excessive meditation.”

Neither Burnout nor Sloth: Honoring Christ in Our Work, HT to Challies. “Christians can debate about the Genesis 3 impact on the Genesis 1 reality, but they cannot deny the Genesis 1 reality—God made mankind in his image, and defined this in the context of our work, of our vitally important endeavors. In economics, we refer to this as ‘production.’ In Christian theology, it is service, it is labor, and it is worship. And today, too often, it is considered something to be frowned on.”

Am I Responsible? “I think one of the most important lessons to learn in life is recognising the difference between what we are responsible for and what we are not responsible for. I say that as someone with a tendency to feel responsible for everyone and everything around me. I can very easily feel like I have keep everyone happy or that if there’s a problem, it is up to me to fix it. Trust me, it’s a tiring way to live!”

Just Doing Your Job: The Matter of Mundane Faithfulness. “Just how valuable is mundane faithfulness? The day-to-day routine seems so monotonous. Does what I do and how I do it really matter?”

When the Silence Is So Loud in the Hardest Times and Your Question if God Has Forgotten You. I’ve mentioned before the Dead Man Talking podcast, where Bob Roberts talks with long-time friends about his terminal cancer diagnosis, suffering, and faith. Occasionally they have a guest on, and this one spoke to my heart–a young man in his thirties had some kind of infection that went septic, causing doctors to have to continuously remove tissue a bit at a time to stay ahead of the infection. He almost died–his family was called in. His wife had their third child during the eighteen days he was unconscious. He’s had 40+ surgeries to remove tissue and skin grafts to repair the damage. He walked through some dark valleys, questioning why God allowed this to happen. I liked how they said his story of still processing it all shows that suffering and hard times aren’t always tied up in a bow, but the ramifications can last for years. Yet it’s through those times that God humbles us and shines His strength through our weakness. What I linked to is the You Tube video, but the podcast is available where most podcasts are.

On a lighter note, somehow Instagram put Melodies in Motion in my suggested accounts to follow. It’s memorizing to watch the little lighted dots hit all the notes. I am not a musician. I had one semester of piano which ended with just beginning to be able to play with two hands. Having both hands do something different was a challenge for me. I don’t know how composers and arrangers manage multiple levels of melody and harmonies. The site has a variety of music, old, new, classical, lighter fare, and even some Christian songs. This is probably my favorite piece of classical music.

A temptation is an opportunity to choose God over self.–Elisabeth Elliot

Friday’s Fave Five

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FFF

This has not been a good week.

First, I woke up in afib Monday morning, with a heart rate bouncing between 130-150. Now my Kardia device is showing tachycardia rather than afib, but my heart is still beating at around 115 beats per minute. I had hoped that the ablation back in February would give me years, rather than just months of relief from this. I am beyond frustrated, yet I know stewing over it doesn’t help. I sent a note in through the cardiologist’s patient portal and was told to increase one of my medications for the next 2-3 days to see if that helps.

Our microwave also died Monday. Some of you may remember that it died last October, and after five service calls over two months, they finally replaced it in December. And now this one has failed. Jim called the company, who sent out someone, who needs a part that will take five days to get here. Let’s hope this doesn’t become the rigamarole it was last year. This is a first-world problem, for sure, and there are bigger calamities going on. But it is a frustration.

Then Mittu slipped on their stairs and has a swollen, painful area on her lower back. They don’t think anything is broken, thankfully.

And I was trying to take a pan out of the oven Wednesday, and my finger slipped from the hot pad onto the hot pan. It hurt for hours, but feels fine now. I have a place on one fingertip that looks like a blister, but it’s flat and not raised. I’m thankful, because a raised blister on a fingertip would bump into everything.

It’s is a week like this when it is even more important to intentionally look for God’s hand in our lives. I’m once again thankful Susanne at Living to Tell the Story started this practice and encouraged others to join her.

1. Good fellowship. Last Friday, before all of the above, Jason and Mittu had invited some folks from church over and asked us to come, too.

2. Grandparent’s Day. Jason and Mittu had us over again Sunday night for Grandparent’s Day. It’s funny this holiday hasn’t taken off like Mother’s and Father’s Day. But I don’t think Jason and Mittu and Timothy have ever forgotten to celebrate it with us.

3. Jesse’s birthday. We celebrated my youngest son’s birthday this week.

Jesse's birthday

4. The cake came out okay! Some years ago, Mittu made a gluten-free lemon blueberry cake that came out great and that Jesse loved. He has wanted it for his birthday ever since, but it has been a challenge for both of us. This time I asked if he minded if I went back to a GF lemon cake I’ve made before and just added blueberries to it. He was fine with that. But, just because a cake has turned out well for me before doesn’t mean it always will! Thankfully, it did this time, and he liked it.

5. My husband’s help. He made dinner for us this week, ran errands for me for Jesse’s birthday (even going to Hobby Lobby!), and has helped with dishes so I could try to rest as much as possible.

Bonus: Family history. My husband’s brother sent him a ton of information he’s gathered over the years of their family history going back several hundred years. I’ve skimmed some of it but haven’t had time yet to read it all. But the guys have enjoyed delving into it.

Looking for and focusing on God’s good gifts and blessings doesn’t make the problems go away, but my perspective has shifted. I no longer feel like a little dark cloud has been hovering over me all week. 🙂 God promises grace for every need.

How was your week?

The Vicar of Wakefield

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Vicar of Wakefield

The Vicar of Wakefield is the only novel and best-known writing by Oliver Goldsmith. His other work includes poems, essays, and plays.

The title character is a Dr. Charles Primrose, a vicar in an English country village, married with four sons and two daughters. He’s fairly well-to-do and generous in giving his money to the poor.

Just as the vicar’s oldest son, George, is about to be married, the vicar learns the person he invested a large sum of money with has lost his money and left town. George’s fiance’s father calls off the wedding.

Thus begins a series of catastrophes for the Primrose family. They have to move to a smaller parish only to find their landlord, Squire Thornhill, is a womanizer who preys on one of the vicar’s daughter. Their house burns down, the vicar is thrown into prison by Thornhill, and that’s maybe about a third of the family’s troubles.

Primrose is not faultless–he’s too trusting and somewhat pigheaded about certain beliefs that no one else agrees with. But he maintains his faith and integrity throughout and is ultimately rewarded.

Some of the quotes that stood out to me:

No situation, however wretched it seems, but has some sort of comfort attending it.

I armed her against the censures of the world, shewed her that books were sweet unreproaching companions to the miserable, and that if they could not bring us to enjoy life, they would at least teach us to endure it.

We are not to judge the feelings of others by what we might feel in their place.

The heart that is buried in a dungeon is as precious as that seated upon a throne.

I’ve seen this called a “sentimental” novel but also a satire of the upper classes as compared to the Primrose family’s more simple lifestyle. I’ve also seen it called a satire of a sentimental novel.

This book has been mentioned in several other classics, according to Wikipedia: George Eliot’s Middlemarch, Jane Austen’s Emma, Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities and David Copperfield, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, Charlotte Brontë’s Villette, and Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women, to name a few.

I can’t say I enjoyed the book as much as I thought I would. It was written in the 1760s, about a hundred years before many other classics I’ve read. I don’t know if it was the language (one political diatribe was six-page long paragraph, and one chapter title is “Happiness and misery rather the result of prudence than of virtue in this life. Temporal evils or felicities being regarded by heaven as things merely in themselves trifling and unworthy its care in the distribution”). Or perhaps the audiobook narration I listened to dulled the story for me. Librivox offers free audiobooks in the public domain. Some of the recordings are great, some not so much. The narrator of this one had a pleasant voice, but he didn’t do different voices for the different characters, and he had the same cadence to most of his sentences. I read some of the Kindle version and enjoyed it more. If I ever read it again, I’ll either try a different narrator or just read the print book.

Nevertheless, I am glad to have read the book and made acquaintance with the Vicar.

Do You Want Peace?

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Do you want peace?

Do you want peace?

Who doesn’t, right?

It might be helpful, though, to define what we mean by peace. When I think of peace, I envision nothing stressful going on–no pressure, no conflict, a time of ease, of having enough (provisions, time, etc.).

Life isn’t always like that, though, is it?

We can pray for peace:

  • “Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all” (2 Thessalonians 3:16).

But the Bible also tells us to pursue peace:

  • “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart” (2 Timothy 2:22).

Here are some ways to do that.

First, we acknowledge that peace is found in Jesus Christ.

  • “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6).
  • “But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5).
  • “For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility” (Ephesians 2:14-16).
  • “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

Jesus said His peace is not like the world’s (John 14:27). His peace doesn’t mean all the circumstances will be calm and favorable. But even during tribulation, we can have His peace.

Peace is also a fruit of the Holy Spirit:

  • “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23).

Peace is a byproduct of faith:

  • “Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ” (Romans 5:1).
  • “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope” (Romans 15:13).
  • “And the effect of righteousness will be peace, and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust forever” (Isaiah 32:17).

God often gives peace through His Word. When we don’t feel peaceful, what are we feeding our minds? What are we focusing on?

  • “For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace” (Romans 8:6).
  • “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock” (Isaiah 26:3-4).

We also find peace in surrendering to God. Sometimes my inner conflict comes when a situation isn’t working out like I wanted, or when I fear what God might ask of me. But when I turn my anxieties and fears and all the possible outcomes over to Him, I can rest in His wisdom and love.

  • “The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:5b-7).

Sometimes peace comes after discipline. When something isn’t right between us and another person, peace isn’t restored until we can talk the situation out and apologize. It’s similar with God. When we’re knowingly doing something we shouldn’t, or not doing what we should, we won’t be at peace with Him until we confess it and ask forgiveness. Sometimes our trouble is God’s discipline to bring us back to a right place with Him.

  • “For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:10-11).
  • “Oh that you had paid attention to my commandments! Then your peace would have been like a river, and your righteousness like the waves of the sea” (Isaiah 48:18).

Let me say here, though, that if we have a sense that something isn’t right between us and God, the best thing to do is ask Him to search us and show us what’s wrong, and then wait quietly to see what He brings to mind. He wants us to be right with Him, so He convicts specifically. A general sense of unease without specific conviction may be a result of filling our minds with other things besides His truth.

There’s much more that could be said about spiritual peace. There are 361 verses in the ESV containing the word “peace,” not to mention verses that talk about it without naming it, allude to it, or use a different word. But these give us the main gist of biblical peace.

God sent Jesus to make the way by which sinful people can have peace with a holy, sinless God. He took our punishment on Himself that we might be forgiven and made God’s children. Believing in Him, focusing on Him, beholding Him, spending time in His presence, getting to know more and more of who He is, filling our minds with His word, seeking His grace to obey it will all lead us to His peace.

May the LORD bless you and keep you;
may the LORD cause His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;
may the LORD lift up His countenance toward you and give you peace.
Numbers 6:24-26

Numbers 6:24-26

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

Laudable Linkage

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Laudable Linkage

Here are some of the blog posts that spoke to me this week:

I Joined a Violent Chicago Gang. Then a Church Moved onto the Block, HT to Challies. “I questioned how I had gotten to this point. How had I thrown my life away for people who had no regard for me? My situation was hopeless. I knew there was nothing I could do to change it. But all of a sudden, it occurred to me that God could change my situation. For years, I’d had conversations with church people about a God who could raise the dead to life. I thought of all the times a certain youth pastor had shared the gospel with me. And so, closing my eyes to my reflection, I prayed.”

Pleading My Righteousness? HT to Challies. When David prays for God to act according to David’s righteousness, what does he mean? And how does that gel with the Bible’s teaching that we’re not righteous in ourselves, only in Christ? I don’t think I have ever seen this dealt with, though it’s something I have wondered about. I think this article gives a good explanation.

How to Pray When You Feel Like You Pray the Same Thing Every Day, HT to Challies. “If you don’t want to pray the same things all the time, praying Scripture might be helpful. When we pray Scripture, whether it’s a psalm or any other passage, we have fresh ideas to fuel our prayers each day. And it helps us ask for things according to God’s will (1 John 5:14–15) because we’re praying God’s word back to him.” Courtney then gives a few examples of what that

Five Ways God’s People Minister Grace to Each Other, HT to Challies. “God has provided our counselees with Christian brothers and sisters—fellow church members—as vital means of God’s grace to help them know Jesus initially and grow in Jesus continually.”

The Ministry of Saying Less, HT to Challies. Though this is written primarily about preaching, I think it holds true for blogging, writing, teaching, even commenting during Sunday School or Bible Study. “In preaching, teaching, counselling, and leadership, there is something to be said for saying less. I am not suggesting that we become aloof and mysterious. But there is a danger that we can say so much that people start to miss what they most need to hear.”

Why Don’t We Ask God for Big Things? “Scripture and experience make it clear that God is not a genie in a bottle who is obligated to give us whatever we ask for. He is an omniscient deity who has His own counsel, will, and plan. Yet in mysterious ways known fully only to Himself, God invites humans into those councils and listens to their requests.”

Don’t Let AI Steal Your Blessing, HT to Challies. “What we lose in the process is blessing from God. ‘But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing’ (James 1:25). Who is it that receives the blessing? The one who ‘looks’ and ‘acts’ gets the blessing. If I let AI do all the looking, then I’m missing a crucial piece of the blessing.”

Taking Time Off Takes Humility and Faith. “Maybe you wrestle to slow down, delegate, or admit you’re weary and empty. Perhaps, like me a few years ago, you’re currently in a season where the brokenness of the world—and of life right under your feet—has become a heavy weight on top of you. Circumstances God has allowed are confronting you with your weakness, limitations, and, let’s call it what it is: your humanity! He is inviting you to trust and love him by stepping aside for a time—perhaps even stepping out of current responsibilities—for the sake of rest, recalibration, and renewal.”

Tolkien quote

The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.–J. R. R. Tolkien

Friday’s Fave Five

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This is a solemn day in America–the 25th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. I can still remember the disbelief and the stunned horror and grief as we watched coverage of what was happening through the following days.

Truly, we “do not know what a day may bring” (Proverbs 27:1). Yet God doesn’t want us to live in constant fear of what may happen. When we know Him, we have the promise of His presence with us and His grace for whatever we need.

As horrible as 9/11 was, I miss the aspect of the days immediately after when there was more unity in our country and a general turning to God. I remember Congress people singing “God Bless America” on the Capitol steps on 9/12. My Facebook memories show that I wrote on the tenth anniversary of 9/11, “I’m grateful people turn to God in their hour of need. I just wish they realized they need Him every hour.”

I also remember stories of courage, bravery, and compassion coming out in the months following 9/11.

Today I’m joining Susanne at Living to Tell the Story to share the blessings of the week.

1. Grandchildren. When Timothy started school this year, his parents put us on the list of people who could pick him up from school, mainly so we could get him if they were at an appointment or sick or something. But he asked last Friday if Granddad could pick him up and bring him to our house for a while. It touches my heart that he likes to hang out with us and doesn’t find us boring.

2. Labor Day. We don’t really celebrate it per se, but it’s a good excuse to have the family over for burgers and to play games. Mittu made a yummy peanut butter pie.

3. Getting more done than I thought. I was a little disappointed and frustrated that I didn’t make any headway on my to-do list one afternoon. But then I realized I did get several things done–just not the things I had planned on.

4. Finding something I thought I had lost.

5. A husband who does the grocery shopping. I know I’ve mentioned that before, but I am thankful again/still.

I hope you’ve had a good week.

The Bird in the Tree

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The Bird in the Tree by Elizabeth Goudge is the first in a trilogy of novels about the fictional Elliot family in England between the two world wars.

Lucilla is the widowed matriarch of the family. She lives with her daughter, Margaret, and long-time maid, Ellen. Currently three of her young grandchildren are staying with her as well. Their parents, her son and daughter-in-law George and Nadine, have been divorced. George is out of the country and Nadine is establishing her own life. Lucilla hopes they will restore their marriage.

Her favorite grandson, David, lived with her from the time he was a boy after his parents died. He’s grown now, an actor, and is coming for a visit. However, when he arrives, she senses something is wrong. It’s not until the next day that he tells her he is in love with Nadine and they plan to marry. They’ve not told anyone else yet.

If it sounds strange that he’s in love with his aunt–she’s several years younger than her husband (his biological uncle) and a few years older than David.

Lucilla is distressed, as David knew she would be. She asks that Nadine come for a visit so she can talk with both of them. She shares why she doesn’t think they should marry: their union would be a blow to family unity, would make it impossible for Nadine and George to reconcile, and would destroy David’s special relationship with Nadine’s children, who loved and missed their father and would have difficulty if David tried to step into that role. Lucilla doesn’t press the issue after that, though she worries and prays.

Then the question becomes whether David and Nadine will follow their passions or do what’s right.

Parts of the book sound like it could have been written today:

His love for Nadine was the most shatteringly real thing that had ever happened to him. It was the truth, and it must be served…

Truth. He would have to try to make Lucilla understand how he felt about it, how it was to him the lamp that lit all life. It would be difficult, for her generation and his felt so differently about this truth. Her generation had built from without inwards, had put the reality of law and tradition above the reality of personal feeling, but his built from within outwards, the truth of personal feeling must come first; when there was no longer reality in a union, smash the union; never mind what laws were broken or what lives were crippled; live the truth.

The young people think that Lucilla, wrapped in “law and tradition,” can’t possibly understand their “truth.” But as we learn more about Lucilla’s past, we see she had her own long struggle between desire and duty.

The family home, Danrosehay, is almost a character of its own in the story. I liked how Lucilla wanted the home to always be a refuge from the storms of life for her present and future family.

There’s an interesting backstory of a historic storm and a sea captain who crashed into the marshes and lived in the area afterward. The story is told near the beginning as just village lore, but it turns out to have great significance for the family later on.

A few other quotes that stood out to me.:

She tried very hard to teach her grandchildren how to extract the last drop of beauty out of all the small things of life, words and scents and sounds.

In times of storm and tempest, of indecision and desolation, a book already known and loved makes better reading than something new and untried. The meeting with remembered and well-loved passages is like the continual greeting of old friends; nothing is so warming and companionable.

I realize now that there is such a mixture of good and evil in all we think and are that everything, every instinct and thought, needs to be tested by the teachings of Christ.

All bereavement, whether fate inflicts it on you or whether the relinquishment is your own, changes you . . . Don’t people say that nature abhors a vacuum? Something lost in the present means something new flowing from the future; often a new and stronger faith.

This was his first big trouble and she hardly knew how to bear it; when she had been young she had borne her own troubles, now she was old she bore her children’s and grandchildren’s and found them far worse to put up with than her own had been.

There is mention of a blackbird singing in an ilex tree about twelve times. With that, and the bird in the title, I felt it had to have some significance. I searched online for a while but didn’t turn up much opinion on that front, though some sources said the ilex tree (mentioned 28 times in the book), a type of holly, was thought to be representative of Christ’s sacrifice. I felt the last line of the book finally gave some insight; but, of course, I can’t share that without spoiling the story.

This book started out with tons of description, of the main characters, the house, the village, and its history. But, once again, once it got into the story, I loved it. The characters are so well drawn that they seem real and relatable. And, though some of the language and situations are a little old-fashioned, the underlying truths are eternal.

The Scent of Water

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The Scent of Water

The Scent of Water by Elizabeth Goudge takes its title from Job 14:7-9, KJV: “For there is hope of a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that the tender branch thereof will not cease. Though the root thereof wax old in the earth, and the stock thereof die in the ground; Yet through the scent of water it will bud, and bring forth boughs like a plant.”

The novel shares the story of several people in a small English village in the late 1950s, but especially Mary Lindsay. She’s a woman in her fifties in London who began as a teacher, then went into government services, then became something like an administrator for a ministry. She receives word that an aunt for whom she was named has died and left Mary her house in the country and a small legacy. At first Mary plans to go down to Appleshaw, get the house in order, and sell it.

But then she remembers visiting Aunt Mary when she was about eight. Aunt Mary had showed her a collection of “little things,” miniatures, that young Mary had been enchanted with. Aunt Mary had offered to give them to her, but in the busyness of a London home with other siblings, she was afraid they’d get lost or broken.

Mary wonders now whether the “little things” are still there. She uncharacteristically decides to quit her job in London and take possession of Aunt Mary’s home in the countryside.

As Mary starts to get the house in shape, she meets other villagers. There are children next door who regard her garden as theirs and are quite hostile, until Mary makes friends with them. There’s a blind veteran, Paul Randall, with his discontent, grumbly wife. There’s the vicar with his anxious, easily frightened sister. And a dear older, feeble couple with a wayward son.

Part of Mary’s reasons for coming to the quiet of the country is to process her feelings for her aunt and her fiance, who had been killed at war a week before the wedding. She felt like perhaps she hadn’t really loved him as she should have since she didn’t grieve as deeply as she had seen others do. And she wanted to get to know her mysterious Aunt Mary, whom she had only seen that one time as a child. Fortunately, she finds Aunt Mary’s diary.

“The scent of water” is mentioned many times through the book as different characters experience renewal and new life in various ways.

Some of the quotes that stood out to me:

I had not known before that love is obedience. You want to love, and you can’t, and you hate yourself because you can’t, and all the time love is not some marvelous thing that you feel but some hard thing that you do. And this in a way is easier because with God’s help you can command your will when you can’t command your feelings. With us, feelings seem to be important, but He doesn’t appear to agree with us.

Suffering had had an effect with which she was familiar. The refusal of self-pity and despair had turned it from lead to fire, burning up the subterfuges and dishonesties below the surface of the inherited veneer of manners and thought that most men and women think are their true selves, and the veneer with them.

Mary sat up late that night with the diary. She had been reading it slowly and steadily, passing with Cousin Mary through the first few years at Appleshaw, years of alternate illness and respite, so much at one with her cousin that she seemed to be learning with her how to accept the first with hope and the second with wonder and gratitude. Cousin Mary hoped her journey through periods of dark and light was like that of a Swiss train toiling up the mountainside, in and out of tunnels but always a little farther up the hill at each emergence. But she could only hope that this was so. She did not feel it.

No desert is so dusty as not to have an oasis here and there.

I liked this quote about a writer who gave Mary some of his work to critique.

He had found in her what he had never had, a sympathetic but intelligent critic. She could wield the pruning knife mercilessly yet at the same time she watered the roots.

I think most writers would appreciate that kind of feedback.

However, there were a couple of things that puzzled me. One was that Mary finds herself falling for a married man. She never acts on her feelings or lets anyone know. He’s a writer and finds in her a meeting of the minds unlike what he has with anyone else. But that being understood and appreciated seems to make him more determined to make his relationship with his discontent wife right.

Another was this exchange with a child who had taken a couple of the “little things” from Mary’s house:

“Then you don’t think I’m awfully wicked?” whispered Edith. “You don’t think I’ll go to hell?”
Mary laughed. “No, I don’t. It’s like this, Edith. Why you do a thing is more important than what you do. And so stealing because you love is really better than not stealing because you don’t. Not that I am advocating stealing exactly. This question of good and evil is very complicated. Life has been very difficult for us all since Eve ate the apple.”

Mary was not a believer at this point, so she can be forgiven for not having her theology quite right. But it seemed an odd thing for the author to include.

I was surprised to see a handful of “damns” in the book.

In an earlier book I read by this author, The Dean’s Watch, it seemed to take her a long time to actually get into the story. In this book, she seemed to jump right in, so that was helpful. Still, it’s kind of a slow-moving, character-driven rather than action-packed novel. But I liked the theme of renewal and how it worked out in the lives of its characters.

When You Have to Keep Going

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When you have to keep going

There’s an often overlooked incident in the life of Jesus’ disciples. Mark 6 is packed with action, like the rest of his book. Beginning at verse 7, Jesus sends the disciples out to preach and heal. There’s a brief parenthesis where we learn of John the Baptist’s fate. Then the disciples return, and Jesus tells them to come and rest. They go away on a boat, but people see them and run ahead of them to meet them where they landed. Jesus has compassion on the people and teaches them for a while. Then He feeds over 5,000 of them from a boy’s small lunch. Jesus sends the disciples ahead in the boat and then goes to pray. Then He sees that they are having a hard time on the lake. He walks on the water toward them and calms the wind.

The gospel writers don’t always record events chronologically, and they don’t record all the same details. But if things happened in the order and timing as it appears in this chapter, all of these things happened in one day. The chapter and verse divisions and headings, which weren’t in the original manuscripts, are helpful but sometimes cause us to read each section as an isolated incident instead of realizing they’re in a particular order for a reason.

But the overlooked fact I mentioned is this: the disciples apparently didn’t get the rest Jesus called them to in verse 31. We don’t know how long they were in the boat trying to go to “a desolate place.” Maybe some of them got a catnap on the boat. But it appears people got there before them, eager to hear Jesus again. So after already ministering for a while, they ministered again, helped pass out food to the people, and traveled by boat again against strong winds.

God has made us limited creatures in need of rest. We sleep about a third of the day, trusting that the world can get along without us for a while and God will take care of everything while we’re out. He built a day of rest into our week from the first week of creation. He scheduled Israel’s yearly calendar with feast days–holy days, which became holidays.

But sometimes that rest is disrupted and we have to carry on. When I became pregnant with my first child, I knew about morning sickness, but I wasn’t prepared for how tired and drained I would feel. I was working full-time and could take an occasional sick day, but I couldn’t check out for my whole first trimester. I sometimes went back to a stockroom to lay my head against a shelf for a few minutes before I went back to my assignment.

Then came the “zombie days” of little sleep with a newborn in the house. I tried to catch up on sleep when the baby napped, but I still had to get up to tend to him whether I was tired or not. That was exacerbated when the second baby came and there were fewer opportunities for rest with an infant and preschooler in the house. Then with three children and a husband at work or out of town, I couldn’t take “sick days” when I wasn’t feeling well.

I’ve read of people in war time, in POW camps, in various situations where they have had to endure beyond what seems humanly possible.

Sometimes in life it is noble and necessary, and even spiritual, to push through. Winston Churchill is quoted as saying, ““Most of the world’s work is done by people who don’t feel very well.”

But when I contracted transverse myelitis, my body wouldn’t let me do that any more. I had to rest up both before and after any event.

Though my stamina improved, with age and other health issues, I try to schedule rest in-between activities and events. I can feel overwhelmed when there are too many things going on too close together.

However, despite my best efforts, sometimes unexpected appointments or activities crop up. Just looking at the calendar, I don’t see how it is all going to work out. But nothing can be changed. What do we do then?

We tell the Lord about it. We ask Him for wisdom and strength. And then we trust Him to provide what we need to carry on.

We rest in passages like Isaiah 40:29 and 31: “He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. . . . They who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

We trust that “as your days, so shall your strength be” (Deuteronomy 33:25).

And we lean on 2 Corinthians 12:9-10: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

We don’t recklessly over-schedule ourselves as if we had no limits. But when things pile up that seem more than we can handle, we trust Him to provide what we need. Sometimes that means getting help from others. Sometimes that means seeking wisdom for what can be removed from our plate. Sometimes that means relying on God for strength beyond our normal capacity. And no matter what else is going on in our lives, our hearts can rest in Him.

Isaiah 40:31

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