A few years ago when our church was putting together a cookbook, one lady submitted these two “recipes.” I thought they were cute but also had a good bit of truth to them. I don’t know how old they are or where they originally came from. I have seen variations on the first one.

How To Preserve a Husband

Be careful in your selection. Do not choose too young, and take only such varieties as have been reared in a good moral atmosphere. When once decided upon and selected, let that part remain forever settled and give your entire thought to preparation for domestic use.

Some insist on keeping them in a pickle, while others are constantly getting them into hot water. Even poor varieties may be made sweet, tender, and good by garnishing them with patience, well sweetened with smiles, and flavored with kisses. Then wrap well in a mantle of charity. Keep warm with a steady fire of domestic devotion and serve with fruits of constant devotion and milk of human kindness. When thus prepared, they will keep for years.

Preserved Children

Take 1 large field, half a dozen children, 2 or 3 small dogs, a pinch of brook and some pebbles. Mix together; put them in the field, stirring constantly. Pour the brook over the pebbles; sprinkle the field with flowers; spread over all, a deep blue sky and bake in the sun. When brown, set away to cool in the bathtub.

(Graphic courtesy of the Graphic Garden)