This is the day in America in which all income tax returns are due in. Before electronic filing, I remember when the post offices would stay open til midnight on April 15 so taxpayers could get their returns in. I remember one year when we were in line at the post office late the evening of April 15 to turn ours in! We only did that once!

To ease the pain of taxes a bit, here are some jokes about them:

1040 EZiest TAX FORM
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1. How much money did you make? $____________

2. Send it to us.

U.S. Gov’t. Form 8765309
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* The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. ~ Mark Twain

* Income tax time is drawing near. Did you ever notice that if you take the two words – “The” and “IRS” it spells “Theirs”?

* Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. ~ Ronald Reagan

* The IRS looks at every taxpayer as having what it takes.

* A political promise today means another tax tomorrow.

* We wonder why they call them tax returns when so little of it does.

* April is always a difficult month for Americans. Even if your ship comes in, the IRS is right there to help you unload it.

* IRS agent to taxpayer: “I’m afraid we can’t allow you to deduct last year’s tax as a bad investment.”

* If you think nobody knows you’re alive…try filing your income tax late!

* The ideal situation, of course, is for the government to live within its means and without yours.

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The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant poured over them.

Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, “You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“Why would you say that?” wondered the broker.

“Because you’ve made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career.”
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A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, “Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.”

“And what,” his friend asked, “Do you want me to do with your ashes?”

The businessman said, “Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, “Now you have everything.”
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A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, “Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.”

“Thank goodness,” returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin on his face from ear to ear. “I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash.”
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There was a man who computed his taxes for 1998 and found that he owed $3,407. He packaged up his payment and included this letter:

Dear IRS:
Enclosed is my 1998 Tax Return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.

Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2,400) and six hammers (value $1,029).
This brings my total payment to $3,429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the ‘Presidential Election Fund,’ as noted on my return.
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely,
Tax Payer
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And a serious quote or two:

We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. ~ Winston Churchill

The point to remember is that what the government gives it must first take away. ~ John S. Coleman

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. ~ George Bernard Shaw

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free. ~ P.J. O’Rourke

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. ~ Gerald Ford