Christmas brims with traditions. Some point back to long centuries: lights to represent the light of the world, stars to remind us of the one that led the wise men, gifts exchanged in commemoration of the gifts brought to the Christ child.
Martin Luther is often credited with the first Christmas tree. Charles Dickens (perhaps unwittingly) set in motion our modern-day idea of Christmas with feasting and charity.
But personal traditions that form within families or individual lives are often the dearest.
One of the things I love best about decorating the Christmas tree together as a family is the memories inspired by the ornaments as we bring them out of boxes and hang them.
Once, one of the boys hung a snowflake ornament on the ceiling when I wasn’t looking. It took me a while to notice it, and then I couldn’t reach it to take it down. Now the plastic snowflake ornament shows up in various places almost every year: a curio cabinet, among figurines on the mantle, and all sorts of ceiling spots.
Of course, Christmas isn’t the only time for traditions. On our anniversary, my husband and I place cards for each other under the other’s pillow, and we read them last thing before we go to sleep.
One Valentine’s Day, I made mini meat loaves in the shape of hearts one year, and now it’s a tradition to have “meat hearts” that day.
Each holiday and season has its own rhythms and rites.
Traditions can form around everyday occurrences, too–football game snacks, bedtime rituals, celebrating milestones like graduation, raises, and promotions, etc.
Traditions enhance our celebrations, strengthen our relationships and sense of belonging, give us cheerful practices to anticipate and look back on with fondness. Traditions within a larger culture can help form a cultural identity.
But traditions can sometimes be a problem:
When one person wants everything the same and another wants something new. A few years ago, a friend on Facebook asked what new things people were making for Thanksgiving. I thought “New? For Thanksgiving?” 🙂 We look forward to having the same things each year. But we’ve made some adjustments as needed and are open to other suggestions. Maybe, if there’s conflict, the main dishes could be agreed upon with the side dishes changing each year.
When seasons of loss or sorrow overshadow the holidays. Sometimes it’s a comfort to do the same familiar things even when the person you did them with is no longer there. But for some, those same rituals would be painful. And there might be different tendencies within the same family. There is no one right answer except to be sensitive to each other.
Sometimes a loss can trigger a new tradition. We knew a couple whose daughter was killed by a drunk driver. They helped host a yearly holiday dinner for other families who had suffered through a similar loss. One friend’s widowed grandmother missed the rose her husband used to give her on their anniversary. The family made sure someone brought her a rose every year after that. After my mother passed away, my family in TX met to go together to the cemetery every year with a small Christmas tree or arrangement.
When new additions are added to the family. A friend was talking with her oldest son and new daughter-in-law about the holidays. Things seemed to be up in the air, and with three more young people at home who would be marrying over the next few years, my friend felt she needed to set some boundaries so the yearly celebration wasn’t an upheaval. She simply shared when they had their usual Christmas dinner and went from there.
When children marry (or parents remarry), each couple has another whole side of the family with its traditions to deal with. Hopefully, new blendings of traditions will come into the mix. But each couple will not be able to do all the things both families always do.
When circumstances interfere. For several years, our Thanksgiving tradition was to get together with a family my husband was close to from his home church. One year, we visited friends in one state overnight before traveling on to the other friends’ home for Thanksgiving. Our car broke down in the first friend’s driveway. We had to find someone to tow it away and fix it plus rent a car for the rest of the trip. We ate at Burger King on the way. Our youngest got carsick on winding mountain roads. We finally arrived just as the family we were visiting was having their evening leftovers from the noon meal.
Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and make the best of it. But those holidays that turned out different than expected are sometimes the most memorable ones.
When there are too many traditions to keep up with. We can add things to do each year until we’re over-scheduled, stressed, and frustrated. If traditions are making us tired, irritable, and wanting to be left alone, they’re doing the opposite of what they’re supposed to.
When my kids were little, December was stuffed with school programs, piano recitals, church group get-togethers, and so much more. One year we just didn’t get around to making Christmas cookies. No one seemed to notice, so we skipped that activity for several years.
I love Christmas cards and letters, but I know many who have stopped sending them due to expense and time.
Perhaps a family meeting is needed to discern what activities mean the most to each person, and some traditions can be removed or rotated from year to year.
When a tradition has outlived its usefulness or no longer carries meaning, but we can’t let go of it. I heard of a family who was discussing who was going to make a particular traditional dish for Christmas when they realized that none of them liked that dish. It was started by someone who had passed away years ago.
Sometimes we maintain a tradition for one or a few people as an expression of love to them. But if everyone is doing the same things just because “That’s what we always do,” it’s okay to let some traditions go.
A tradition is not an end in itself. We shouldn’t regard an occasion as ruined if we don’t get to incorporate a particular tradition. We need to be flexible; as life changes, we need to change and adapt with it.
And we need to remember what the tradition is for: to celebrate, to show love, to draw people together, and to make fond memories.
If some traditions are more of a burden than a blessing, we can remember to “pursue what promotes peace and what builds up one another.” (Romans 14:19, CSB).
(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)
Stray Thoughts 
Barbara, I liked this post. “We need to remember what the tradition is for: to celebrate, to show love, to draw people together, and to make fond memories.” Amen. May we remain flexible as perhaps the Lord is wanting to begin a new tradition 🙂
Amen. Grace and flexibility.
This really resonated with me. I won’t go into it but on my side of the family, I as the oldest of 3 younger sisters, one of whom is a rigid traditionalist, has had to make the suggestion of changing up some extended family Christmas “traditions” for newer methods. It’s like our pastor says “Methods change but the Message stays the same”. there’s been some angst as we all grieve our parents’ passing differently but we’re trying something new this year and I’m praying all involved will be blessed and extend kindness to each other.
I love this post. It reminds me that sometimes we do have to be flexible but know also WHY we have our traditions.
Changes to dearly held traditions can be hard, especially after parents pass on. I hope the new activities will be a blessing and promote healing.
So many good thoughts here, Barbara. We had a special “Thanksgiving” dinner when we went to visit my mother-in-law in September, and then we had the actual holiday with my sister in Iowa for the first time. I like making cookie boxes for friends and family, but in recent years I’ve had to get over the hump of making the first batch of cookies before my heart really gets into it. I’m guessing the future will hold all sorts of changes as the girls get older and start their own families, and you have reminded me that it’s good to hold everything holiday related loosely and be free to change things up as we go.
It is fun how traditions can change over time. Having a new daughter-in-law brought new traditions to our family–we had never carved pumpkins in October or had a family dress-up party before. 🙂 We used to make a “birthday cake for Jesus” when the kids were small to remind them what Christmas was about. It’s a relief now not to have one more thing to bake and one less sugary item in the house.
What a great discussion your post is, and comments too. I wish we were all together to talk about this! I loved traditions, especially when my kids were little. Now with them growing up and one in particular deciding to spend most holidays away from home, the memories of traditions make me feel sad a lot. Not good! I need to do more thinking and praying on this topic for sure. The thought of your traveling snowflake ornament, and the Thanksgiving with all the issues did bring a smile to my face 🙂
Wouldn’t it be fun to have all our blog friends in one place for a chat? I love hearing how traditions evolved in families.
Our first Christmas without one of the kids was really hard! That’s an interesting thought–what traditions might a single person or couple adopt if they don’t have a family or the family has grown and gone. I remember reading of a single lady who decided she wasn’t going to spend Valentine’s Day (a potentially hard day for singles) feeling sorry for herself, and focused on serving others in some way.
Agreeing that a tradition is not the end all be all so if it needs to be changed or adapted a certain year then that is an okay thing and it needs to be accepted and not fought. In the past I would really be down if we couldn’t do a tradition but now I know we can still have fun even if we miss one or two traditions.
It’s possible, too, to have both good and bad feelings about a tradition simultaneously. When we got an artificial tree this year, I missed the family excursion to find just the right live one. But I was also relieved that we saved that time and could jump right in decorating.
Yes, I can see that too. Sometimes we have to admit our limitations certain years and it doesn’t mean we can’t come back to a tradition the next year or a future year.
So important: “remember what the tradition is for: to celebrate, to show love, to draw people together, and to make fond memories.” The traditions should bring us joy and comfort and remind us of what we’re celebrating to begin with. I love the traditions that begin without us trying too hard to come up with them – I’ve been surprised by some of the things that our kids loved most from their childhood and associate with holidays or special occasions.
I remember reading of someone who wanted to cut down on holiday activities asking the family which ones meant the most to them, and being surprised. It’s good to ask. My favorite traditions are also those that somehow arose naturally.
I’m definitely into traditions so this was especially interesting. Many traditions were linked to when my husband was alive and when the kids were still home. There are a few that I keep alive just for me and there are others that have developed with my kids and their families.
Tradition can enrich in ways that money cannot – I learned that growing up. As my sons’ wives have come into the family, I have welcomed their gifts and talents to our traditions. As we’ve made room for family holiday schedules, we’ve come up with new, endearing traditions for coming together – but the reason for the season remains constant. As a mother of sons-only, this has been a double blessing to see how these young women have made our family so much more than it was – and our traditions so much richer.
I love this! So many times we feel like we cannot give up a tradition, even though it may get harder to do each year.
A great post Barbara, yes traditions can be uplifting or burdensome depending on the season of life we’re in, we have let many go as half our family live interstate (1,000km way) & we only get to see them every second year or less at Christmas depending on the circumstances.
So we go with the flow each year, some years it’s just hubby & I on Christmas day as our daughters spend time with their in laws or can’t make the big trip interstate.
But hubby & I feel blessed to have each other sharing a light meal together as we do each day. This year it will be hosting an afternoon tea on Christmas Day for one of our daughter’s & family.
We’re sitting together at Joanne’s ‘Let’s Have Coffee” this week.
Blessings, Jennifer
I’ve had to be so careful not to let the tail wag the dog. When the tradition becomes bigger than the WHY that started it, it’s time for me to reassess. This year, I’ve cut waaaaaay back on the nonessentials, and I think it’s going to save my life.
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