One of the things that continues to surprise me is just how far selfishness still has its roots in me.

An incident yesterday and a quote I saw this morning, among other things, brought it all to the forefront again. Someone called yesterday and the conversation got off on the wrong foot right off the bat when I said hello and heard voices, but no one answered. We’d been getting a lot of either political calls or calls where someone hung up as soon as we answered, so I figured it was one of those kinds of calls. When they finally spoke, I was irritated and it showed in my tone. It was someone I knew, but she hadn’t realized someone had picked up the phone, so she was talking to someone else with her. Then she told me about a problem resulting from an apparent oversight on my part, though I hadn’t gotten the information that I needed to take care of anything. Then, you know how sometimes people will talk and forget a detail like a name or what day something occurred, and then they get sidetracked trying to remember that detail when it doesn’t really have anything to do with the conversation? Well, that happened with this lady, and I was busy, still holding in one hand the things I’d been taking care of when the phone rang, and irritated in general, so I just interrupted and said, “Well, that’s not important,”and proceeded to discuss what we needed to do to take care of the situation.

Yikes!

My whole tone and demeanor indicated a lack of love and concern and a selfish preoccupation. Instead of being helpful and kind, I let it be known that I was bothered.

Then this morning on girltalk, Kristin shared a quote from a book by J. I. Packer. I’ve not read anything of his, but this quote struck me:

“The Christmas spirit does not shine out in the Christian snob. For the Christmas spirit is the spirit of those who, like their Master, live their whole lives on the principle of making themselves poor–spending and being spent–to enrich their fellow humans, giving time, trouble, care and concern, to do good to others—and not just their own friends–in whatever way there seems need.”

This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:12-13.

I’ve long believed that laying down our lives is not just martyrdom, not just physical death, but rather the everyday serving another by sacrificing our own time and attention for them. I’ve long believed that my schedule is in God’s hands, that even interruptions are allowed by Him, may even be His divine appointments for the day. That struck me full force one day when I realized the healing of the woman with the issue of blood took place while Jesus was on his way to heal Jairus’ daughter. Imagine how Jairus felt after he’d found Christ to come and heal his daughter who was dying, then this woman interrupts, then he receives word that his daughter has died (Luke 8:41-56). Yet Jesus reassures him that she would be made whole — and she was. He brought her back from the dead, and how much more glorious the whole situation was in the end.

In fact, if you study the life of Christ, He was constantly interrupted. He rose a great while before day to pray, and people came seeking him out. People were constantly wanting His attention, yet you never see Him ruffled, short-tempered, irritated, bothered.

I’ve known these things — but I often fail at living them.

By love serve one another. Galatians 5:13b.

I do want to serve others. But I tend to want to do it in my own way, at certain times or through certain events. If I listen to a conversation or fill a need, then I want to pat the other person on the head and say, “OK, I’ve served you for a while. Leave me alone now so I can do what I want.” That’s hardly characteristic of Christ.

And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved. II Corinthians 12:15.

Most of the people with whom I have to do are very loving in response. I generally don’t have to worry about expending time, energy, and care on people who don’t love me — so how much more willing should I be to “spend and be spent” for them?

For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it. Mark 8:35.

Lord, forgive me for thinking that my time, energy, schedule, resources, and everything else are my own. Help me to remember it is all Yours, and I am here to serve You, not live for myself. Help me to truly love You with all my heart and soul and mind and strength and to love others as You have loved me — sacrificially, unselfishly, continually. I need Your grace, because my natural bent is to be self-centered, to serve occasionally and often with the wrong motives. Help me to lay down the bits and pieces of my life every day rather than trying to grasp back enough for self. Help me to serve and love on Your terms and not my own.