…what should my response be?

Well, my usual (inward) reaction is to think, “Who do you think YOU are?” or to think of their flaws. Not a very spiritual reaction, is it?

On the one hand we all know we are far from perfect, but on the other hand, we bristle when anyone points out an imperfection. Really, we should just be grateful it doesn’t happen as often as it could.

These days we feel that if anyone tries to reprove us about anything, they’re judging. But what does the Bible say?

As an earring of gold, and an ornament of fine gold, so is a wise reprover upon an obedient ear. Proverbs 11:12.

Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee. Proverbs 9:8.

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise. Proverbs 12:15.

A wise son heareth his father’s instruction: but a scorner heareth not rebuke. Proverbs 13:1.

The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise. He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding. Proverbs 15:31-31.

A reproof entereth more into a wise man than an hundred stripes into a fool. Proverbs 17:10.

Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit? there is more hope of a fool than of him. Proverbs 26:12.

What if the reprover isn’t very kind about it? Though there are instructions throughout Scripture about how to rebuke someone in a right way, there is also throughout Scripture the principle that I am supposed to do what’s right regardless of what the other person does. In all of the instructions in Ephesians 5 and 6 about relationships, it does not say, “You do this IF he does that.” No, each person is responsible for the instructions given to him or her whether the other person fulfills his or her responsibilities as instructed. And in this, too, just because someone doesn’t correct us in a “right” way doesn’t mean we’re off the hook and can write off whatever they’re saying.

But what if the person really is judging? We just can’t please everyone. Wherever our convictions are, someone will always be more conservative, and usually in a heartfelt rather than a Pharisaical way, even if that might be what they sound like — usually they do have some reason for the convictions they have. Romans 14:3 does say, “Let not him that eateth despise him that eateth not; and let not him which eateth not judge him that eateth: for God hath received him” in regard to the disputations over eating meat, and we can extract that principle of not judging the one whose convictions are looser than ours or despising the one whose convictions are stricter than ours and apply it to other areas of difference where the Bible doesn’t give clear instructions. But Paul does go on in the rest of that chapter to make the case that sometimes we need to restrain ourselves even from something we might feel it is all right to do if it offends someone else. Paul says in I Corinthians 8:12-13, “But when ye sin so against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, ye sin against Christ. Wherefore, if meat make my brother to offend, I will eat no flesh while the world standeth, lest I make my brother to offend.”

How unlike the spirit of many Christians in this age, in which the attitude is often, “If you’ve got a problem with something I am doing, it is YOUR problem and you’re being a judgmental hypocritical Pharisee.” And then often each side creates schisms by trying to drum up supporting opinions from others.

Christ did have harsh words for true Pharisees, but if you study out those instances in Scripture, it was a far different situation than what we have today when one earnest Christian approaches another about something in his or her conduct. The Pharisees were not true believers and were basing their acceptance before God on their excessive works, rituals, and rites that went far beyond what God outlined in the Old Testament law. It is totally uncalled for to name another Christian brother among their ranks just because he has a different view of things than we do.

So how should I respond if someone tells me I am doing something wrong? In meekness, not anger and defensiveness, I should assume they have the best intentions and examine what they say, bringing it before the Lord to see if it is something truly wrong, or if it is something that is all right, but I should refrain myself for the sake of that person’s conscience. If it is something I still free to do, I should still react kindly to the person doing the rebuking. Maybe they can accept that the issue is an honest and allowable difference of opinion; maybe not. But they are a lot more likely to if we handle the matter with grace (even though it stings) than if we react harshly.

If we’re truly in the right, we have the example of Christ to emulate in I Peter 2:

19 For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.

20 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.

21 For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:

22 Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:

23 Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:

24 Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

25 For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.