The ministry of showers

No, not public cleaning type showers, but the events where honorees are showered with gifts from friends. Brides, moms-to-be, etc.

Is it just my imagination or does attendance seem to be falling off from these?

I know life can be incredibly busy and these things don’t always come at a convenient time, but I have always liked to honor the showeree with my presence as well as my presents as a show of support and a way of ministering to them. Not that I am exalting my presence as an honor, but people just feel more loved and cared for when people actually show up to these things (Have you ever planned a party and worried that no one would show up? Or been dismayed when few people actually did?)

I just recently heard of a baby shower where only three people came besides the young woman’s family. I dropped by another one a few months back for a young woman who had been gradually fading away from church attendance, and only one other lady from the church had come. How likely is that fading to continue when it seemed to her like no one cared? What an opportunity that would have been to show love and support and welcome to her, to show we cared and wanted her fellowship. It’s in these little ministries in people’s personal lives where they feel interested in and cared for, not just during the hand-shaking time at church.

Besides ministering to the honoree, I am ministered to during the devotional time. At most Christian showers, one of the ladies has been asked ahead of time to share something from the Word as an encouragement to the person being honored, whether having to do with marriage or mothering. It almost always helps everyone listening as well as the honoree. At one bridal shower I attended, the hostess, who was a younger wife, commented that it blessed her to see many ladies of every age nodding their heads during the devotional time. The devotional time usually either encourages us in our roles, cheers us on the way, or helps provide course correction.

Sometimes there is an opportunity for guests to share encouragements and advice with the honoree whether by verbal testimony or writing a note on a 4×6 card or some other creative way of sharing. At my baby shower several little notes were gathered that I was instructed to save until I was in labor, and it was nice to go through them. I felt in both marriage and motherhood that I needed all the help I could get! As an attendee I often go a little blank when asked to share something (it’s nice to be forewarned so guests can be thinking about it ahead of time), but almost always the Lord gives me something that I trust will minister to the honoree.

I also love fellowshipping with the other ladies there. If you feel you don’t really know many people at church well, attending this kind of activity can provide opportunities to get to know people better. It’s ironic that sometimes we’re reluctant to go because “I don’t know them very well” when going would help in that department (I know — having just moved to a new area and attending a new church, I’ve wrestled with these conflicting feelings myself).

Personally, I even love the silly little games when they have them. And I get to eat hors d’oeuvres and cake! I especially love brunch showers with all the neat breakfast casseroles and pastries.

Some showers are designated as “Drop-in,” where guests can pop in at any time during the event and stay as long or as short a time as they want to. But even at those showers which are not drop-in, usually the games, devotional, etc. occur at the beginning, and it is perfectly acceptable for someone to drop in during the second half when everyone is just eating fellowshipping, andย  watching the honoree open presents if they can’t come for the whole event.

Speaking of opening presents, that reminded me of an article or post I saw somewhere, I can’t remember where, saying that shower honorees should not open gifts at the shower because it is boring for the guests and puts pressure on the honoree to act pleased at every gift when she may not like every gift. But I totally disagree. Most people I know enjoy oohing and aahing over the gifts, and I don’t know many brides or mothers-to-be who have to act like they like gifts they don’t want. If that were the case, I would agree that this is all a big waste of time.

On the other hand, occasionally a gift does not suit for whatever reason, even with the advent of registries for showers (which are an immense help, in my opinion) and it is thoughtful to include a gift receipt with the card. I feel that once I give a gift, it belongs to the other person to do what they want with it and I should not get my feelings hurt if they receive three toasters and return mine. I don’t always remember to do this, but sometimes I specifically pray for guidance as I buy a gift, to avoid wasted time and frustration and inconvenience.

My purpose in pouring out my heart on this topic is not to heap guilt on people whose lives are already piled up with a number of obligations. We all have days or even seasons of life like that when we cannot add even one more thing. But if you can possibly go, I encourage you to. It really is a blessing to the honoree and her family and the hostess. To me it is an expression of hospitality even if the event is not in your home: a hospitality of open-heartedness and welcome of other people and their cares and concerns.

9 thoughts on “The ministry of showers

  1. AMEN! It IS sad that attendance is falling off! I so appreciated this post.

    I have to confess though that I am one of the guilty ones who didn’t see a point in attending such showers until a lady from church befriended me and started sharing her heart to honor future brides and mothers. She rather insisted on throwing me a baby shower even though I felt a bit uncomfortable about it and I eventually agreed. When I was sitting in my own shower, I felt the love and respect and support of everyone surrounding me and I finally saw what my friend had been talking about. Ever since then I’ve felt the same- that to show up shows how much you honor and support the new bride or mom. And it DOES make them feel loved. Very much so! (Besides the fact that it’s just disappointing to plan a whole special party and only have 1-3 people show up!) How very sad.

  2. Barbara, Thank you for the great post! You have encouraged me in a ministry that was becoming stale. We have seen the same falling off here and I hope we can pray and see change and renewal. God bless, Kaycee

  3. I couldn’t agree more, Barbara. I’ve often said that while I would much rather spend my evening or Saturday in some other way, it is just the right thing to do in attending the baby or bridal shower and honoring the person for whom it is being given AND I always have such a good time and I’m with you on the games and food!!! ๐Ÿ™‚
    At a shower I attended a couple of months ago, they served my favorite punch….the kind made with sherbert on top? I drank so much I was bloated! ๐Ÿ™‚ I couldnt’ help myself!!!!

  4. No one came to my wedding shower but my sister and my best friend. It was a very cold and lonely feeling.

    I have to say that I am rarely ever invited to such things anymore. We’ve been here a year and I don’t believe anyone at our church has given one — and if they have it hasn’t been public knowledge.

  5. Oh boy…. I sure HOPE this is not true! I just sent out invitations (about a week ago) to many of Amanda’s friends who had specifically ASKED if she was having a shower… and so I was pressured into HAVING a shower for her, and I have only heard back from 3…. I was really HOPING this was just a case of not RSVPing… which is rude enough… but I hope they don’t just NOT COME! *groooooooannnn*

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