Fading with Age

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Fading with age

I remember sometime in my youth talking with an elderly person and noting that not only was his hair very white, but his skin was pale almost to the point of being white as well. Even his eyes seemed faded. I wondered, “Is that what happens when you get old? Do you just . . . fade away?”

Now that I’m nearer the category of “old,” I’ve learned that not everyone gets paler as they age. And no one ages in quite the same way: we’ve known people well into their eighties who traveled internationally as public speakers and even got married.

But it does seem we fade a bit in many ways. Win Couchman called it “The Grace to Be Diminished.”

First, energy decreases. We may not be able to do all we once did. We can’t push ourselves like we used to. Physical issues of various forms may creep up.

Then our influence can decrease. When we first visited a particular church in one state, a young woman was showing us where our Sunday School class would meet. As we passed one room, she said, “You don’t want to go there; that’s the old people’s class.” I suppose I should have felt gratified that she didn’t think I belonged in the old people’s class yet. But the attitude disturbed me. Later, in the same church, when facilitating a ladies’ group, a younger woman maybe in her mid-thirties told me she didn’t come to the ladies’ meetings because the attendees were all older women. Most of us were in our forties and fifties—we were by no means ancient. But I remember being shocked and hurt that someone would not want to be with us just because of our age.

We can lose our jobs and ministries as we retire.

We lose our independence as we have to give up our car keys and may not be able to live alone any more.

We lose our dignity as someone else has to feed and change us.

And eventually, we lose life itself.

That would all sound pretty dreary if that were the end of things.

But we were told that life would be fleeting.

“What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes” (James 4:14).

“My days are swifter than a weaver’s shuttle” (Job 7:6).

The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty; yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away (Psalm 90:10).

“We all do fade as a leaf” (Isaiah 64:6, KJV).

A radio preacher said one reason our bodies start falling apart as we get older is to encourage us to let loose of them. We need the reminder that this life is not forever.

C. S. Lewis said in The Problem of Pain, “Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.” “For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come” (Hebrews 13:14). This world, as the old song says, is not our ultimate home. Our transitions as we age help prepare us for our true home.

Does that mean when we reach a certain age, we just sit in our rocking chairs and wait to die? By no means.

Elisabeth Elliot has said that our limitations don’t hinder our ministry; they define our ministry. We may not be able to coordinate VBS for 100 children any more (if you can, go for it!) But we can pray with the psalmist, “O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds. So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come” (Psalm 71:17-18).

How we proclaim His might and wondrous deeds may vary. We might be able to teach a class, write a book, or speak to groups. However, I’ve often thought that when Paul told older men and women to teach the younger, he probably didn’t have classes and retreats in mind. There’s nothing wrong with those; I have been blessed by many of them. But they probably weren’t done in Bible times. I think he probably had in mind interaction in the everyday course of life.

Godly women have influenced my life in just that way. One family had me over frequently as a teenager who came to church alone. I don’t think the wife of the family thought of me as a “project.” She was just being hospitable. Yet visiting their family and seeing her interact as a wife, mother, and homemaker was instructive for me.

Another woman passed along a vital piece of advice as we worked on a church bulletin board together that shaped my thinking in parenting teens. Another said something in passing while we worked in the church nursery that greatly encouraged me. Another was an invaluable and unwitting example to me as she was trying to prepare an event for a group, and her husband asked her for something in a critical moment. She didn’t snap; she closed her eyes briefly and then calmly directed him to what he needed.

Jesus said that we speak with our mouths out of the abundance of our hearts. As we fill our souls with God’s presence and Word and seek His guidance, then we will be able to share about Him in odd moments as we interact with others.

As another psalmist said, we can tell “things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might,and the wonders that he has done. . . that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments” (Psalm 78:3-4, 6-7).

We don’t have to approach our old age with dread.

God has promised to take care of us: “Even to your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save” (Isaiah 46:4).

He has promised our fruitfulness: “They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, to declare that the Lord is upright; he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him” (Psalm 92:14-15).

He has promised a bright future to those who know Him. “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).

As we look back at His faithfulness all our lives, we can trust Him for the future. These stanzas from John Greenleaf Whittier’s poem, “My Birthday,” encourage me: I hope they’ll encourage you as well.

I grieve not with the moaning wind
As if a loss befell;
Before me, even as behind,
God is, and all is well!

His light shines on me from above,
His low voice speaks within,–
The patience of immortal love
Outwearying mortal sin.

Not mindless of the growing years
Of care and loss and pain,
My eyes are wet with thankful tears
For blessings which remain.

Let winds that blow from heaven refresh,
Dear Lord, the languid air;
And let the weakness of the flesh
Thy strength of spirit share.

And, if the eye must fail of light,
The ear forget to hear,
Make clearer still the spirit’s sight,
More fine the inward ear!

Be near me in mine hours of need
To soothe, or cheer, or warn,
And down these slopes of sunset lead
As up the hills of morn!

Psalm 71:18

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

25 thoughts on “Fading with Age”

  1. Barbara, thank you for this beautifully written post. I’m amazed at how, without us ever speaking to one another about different topics, the Lord has enabled you to write about things that I have been dealing with. Such was the case with your post about fear. And just this past week as I was on a break from blogging, I did a lot of reading for my TBR challenge. One of the books I read was Finishing Our Course With Joy by J.I. Packer. He deals with the realities of our bodies declining but he also deals with the positive as you have done so well here. Both his book and your post are so balanced.

    I also wanted to say how deeply I agree with you regarding Paul’s admonishment for the older men and women to teach the younger. It’s the daily things that happen in life that God uses to encourage others. I still have younger women who I had in my teen girls SS class 30 years ago who contact me for advice because the Lord chose to use me as an instrument of His Grace in their lives all those years ago.

    Sorry for the lengthy comment but your post definitely touched my heart.

    • I love lengthy comments. 🙂 Especially from you.

      I try to remember to pray about what to write about and what to say. It’s amazing to me (but I guess it shouldn’t be since I have prayed for God’s direction) when I have considered several topics and settle on one, then someone says it was timely in their lives. What a blessing to be used of God in that way.

      I read and enjoyed that book by Packer several years ago. I probably should reread it some time.

  2. This is a beautiful reminder that every person is a precious creation of God. No matter our age, we can always shine the light of Christ and show the love of God to others. Have a blessed Sunday! 🙂

  3. Wow! What a great post! I’ve been struggling with getting older. There are so many changes and some are difficult to accept. But God still uses us until we draw our last breath even if It is different than we’re used to or even what we wanted.

    • Seeing what others have gone through as they have gotten older makes me hope and pray not to have to go through some of the same things. Yet I have to trust that He has purpose in all He allows and will give grace when the time comes to go through any of those things.

      I wondered how God’s promise of our still being fruitful in old age worked out in my mother-in-law’s life through her long, slow decline when she didn’t speak and slept 20+ hours a day. One thing I thought of was that her life all along was a blessing to those who knew her, even when she couldn’t communicate like she used to. Plus the fact that she accepted each change and evidence of decline with grace and peace was a great testimony to me.

  4. Very encouraging post, Barbara! As others have shared, I too struggle with aging. It’s hard to see ourselves diminishing in various ways, and then having friends and parents aging all around us keeps it right in focus all the time. I love the idea that this diminishment could be, in part, making us more ready to leave these bodies for heaven. The Lewis quote about not mistaking inns for homes is wonderful too. Thank you for this post!

  5. This was so encouraging! Some aspects of growing older are actually exciting and joyful, but much of the time I do feel as if I’m being pushed aside or becoming irrelevant as I get older. Mostly that’s just ME feeling a bit sorry for myself though, and I have to ask the Lord to reset my perspective and focus.

    And true story – a few years ago I started to notice that a sure sign of my aging was that my lips were fading! LOL I never used to wear lipstick, but I do now, so that people can tell I still have lips! LOL

    • I have the same problem with my eyebrows. The eyebrow hair is there, but getting less and less visible.

      For the problems and discomforts of getting older, I don’t think I would want to go back to a version of my younger self. I wouldn’t want to give up what I have learned along the way.

      I think that fear of being thought irrelevant is one that bothers me the most as I age. But then I look at verses about sharing about God, and am assured that He still has a purpose for us.

  6. I get so frustrated at churches and young people who disrespect the older people. The Bible says to do just the opposite. I wish young and old people could co-mingle more. I think the older people want that, but the young people don’t. It’s sad. Visiting from SSPS.

    • Out of the half-dozen or so churches we’ve attended since our marriage, that’s the only one that had such attitudes about older people–and it seemed to be only a couple of people at that. But that attitude was hurtful, even coming from just a couple. Older people have so much to teach us, and we’re missing out if we exclude them. Plus we are disobeying God when we look down on them.

  7. Thank you Barbara, excellent article & link to another one. Good reminder to us all as our “tents” wear out in preparation for our new ones. Indeed, God is so good to guide us along this sometimes challenging path. d

  8. Thank you so much for this. It was an encouragement to me as I read it. As I get older (early 60’s), I completely understand what you are saying. My husband and I are very fortunate to attend a church that respects the “gray head”. 😊

  9. This is such a hopeful post, Barbara. Like you, I am so grateful to have had many older friends who demonstrated–through word and deed–what it looks like to be a godly wife, mom and woman. Your words remind me of one of my favorite quotes by George Whitefield: “We are immortal until our work on earth is done.” If we’re still here, God still has a purpose for us here. No matter where “here” is. I find a lot of comfort in that.

  10. Barbara, I so appreciated this post today. I feel, and see, the effects of aging in myself. But more so, I see it in others and so desire to protect the dignity of those I love. May we age with grace and the love of Christ evident in our lives. May we seek to fulfill the purpose of every stage of life to the glory of His Name.

  11. I think our cultural separation by age for public school and in Sunday School for decades has led to your shared examples, Barbara. We’re startled by younger peoples desire to only “hang out” with people their own age, but in reality, they have been culturally trained to be with only people their own age for years, so that is where they feel the most comfortable.

    • I think that separation all through life does contribute to everyone wanting to be with their own age group. But I think, too, culture is bent toward admiring the youthful and capable and disrespecting older, slower people, writing them off as “out of touch.”

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