When we first brought my mother-in-law, Colleen, home from the nursing home several years ago, the muscles in her legs and left arm were contracted due to her being bedridden and not having her arms and legs stretched. We had not thought to ask if that was being done, both because we didn’t know it needed to be, plus we assumed the staff was doing what they were supposed to.
Colleen’s arm was contracted to the point that it was usually folded at the elbow, with her hand up by her chin. One problem, besides discomfort, of having her arm folded against itself all the time was the danger of moisture creating a prime dwelling spot for bacteria to grow, causing skin problems and possible infections. It was hard to clean the area as well. She could open her arm, if we could get across to her that’s what we wanted. But normally, the atrophied muscle kept her arm folded.
On top of that, Collen developed Dupuytren’s contracture in one hand where two fingers are bent in toward the palm and can’t straighten.
An occupational therapist was sent to our home to work with Colleen’s arm and hand. As you can imagine, trying to work contracted muscles was painful, no matter how gentle the therapist was.
Colleen was not a very talkative person except among family or close friends. But when the therapist came, Colleen would start chattering, telling him about her family or anything else she could think of, trying to delay the inevitable. As he worked, Colleen would say he was hurting her, and she’d get more agitated the longer he went on. The therapist, aide, and I tried to encourage her to relax and work with him, but in her mental state at that time, she couldn’t take in the idea that the momentary discomfort would eventually pay off and her arm would feel better.
Her discomfort increased to the point that she’d tense even when the therapist entered her room, making progress even harder. Therapy eventually stopped.*
Sometimes our efforts to avoid getting hurt create more pain. I took a tumbling class for one college P. E. course. The teacher advised that if we ever found ourselves falling, we should roll with it. She said most injuries from falls occur as we try to stop ourselves from falling. That happened to a guy I knew–he was playing soccer, slipped, threw out his arms to catch himself, and broke his wrist.
When God starts working with our tight places, we recoil from the pain. We want to pull away. We want it all to stop.
When we anticipate bad things that could happen, we tense with fear and dread.
When we face difficult situations with tension, we miss the good that our situation is accomplishing and make the experience all the more difficult.
Our pastor recently said something like worry is fear that God won’t get things right. I had to think about that. I was convicted of its truth.
We know from His Word that He has a purpose in all He allows, even suffering. We know He has promised to be with us and give us grace to help in every situation.
But even knowing those truths, knowing He always does what is right, sometimes the problem is we’re afraid we’re not going to like what He allows. As C. S. Lewis said, “We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us, we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”
Look at Job, after all. Who among us would want to go through all he did? Or Joni Eareckson Tada, who has spent more than fifty years in a wheelchair due to a diving accident and then dealt with cancer and chronic pain on top of that. Or Elisabeth Elliot, whose first husband was murdered and whose second husband lost a horrific battle with cancer.
We can scare ourselves to death with “what ifs.” If what we fear comes true, then we’ve doubled our angst by worrying about it ahead of time plus dealing with it when it happens. And if the worst never happens, then we’ve wasted all that time and energy worrying about it.
I’ve known some occupational therapists who are warm and kind. I’ve known others who are not unkind, but their manner is matter-of-fact and down-to-business. But I think any of them would tell us they don’t torture people because they enjoy it. Rather, they know the temporary pain of stretching and working reluctant muscles will lead to greater usefulness and movement and will prevent further deterioration or, in some cases, infections.
God is not just a doctor putting us through the paces for our health. He’s a kind and loving Father. He’s not capricious. He doesn’t act on a whim. Everything He allows is for a purpose. He understands our lamentations. He’s promised to be with us and give us grace every step of the way.
Amy Carmichael wrote a poem about not finding peace in forgetting, endeavor, aloofness, and even submission, but in acceptance. The last stanza goes:
He said, ‘I will accept the breaking sorrow
Which God tomorrow
Will to His son explain.’
Then did the turmoil deep within me cease.
Not vain the word, not vain;
For in acceptance lieth peace.
Instead of tensing at what God might do and allow in my life, I need to trust my good and loving Father and seek His grace all along the way.
Be assured that the testing of your faith [through experience] produces endurance [leading to spiritual maturity, and inner peace]. And let endurance have its perfect result and do a thorough work, so that you may be perfect and completely developed [in your faith], lacking in nothing.
James 1:3-4, Amplified Bible
Revised from the archives
(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)
- For those who might wonder, we dealt with Colleen’s bent arm by cutting the foot portion off an old tube sock and sliding it up to cover the middle part of her arm to help keep from chafing or getting too moist. Thanks be too God, she never got a skin infection there the five years she lived with us.
Stray Thoughts 
Superb, Barbara! Straight to the nursing home with this one :–)))
Thank you, Kitty! I’m happy to know you are sharing these at the nursing home.
So very true. We say we trust God with our lives but then we’re fearful of what He may do for our good. The C.S. Lewis quote is spot on.
Yes, Lewis expresses it well. I have to keep reminding myself that God is a loving Father and nothing slips by Him–the things that happen are what He allows, and He has reasons for allowing them. I tend to want deliverance and relief ASAP, but need to remember instead to seek what He wants me to learn through trials.
This brought to mind the painful physical therapy I had to do after my knee replacement. One therapist told me that often the people who fail to keep exercising their new joint after PT ends don’t really gain any mobility. It was necessary to endure the pain of retraining and strengthening all the muscles so that I could walk again. I also remember being prepared (warned!) for it to be painful, but I knew I had to go through that if I wanted to meet my goals. Now to apply your insight and my physical experience to my spiritual journey. I can see many situations where I could benefit from the lesson.
Thanks for sharing that, Kym. We’ve had a number of people at church with hip or knee replacements in the last few months. What a good illustration that we have to work through pain and discomfort to get stronger and more mobile.
Helpful hint on the sock! And as I read, I found myself anticipating many things you wrote — I feel like I trust God, but like Lewis, I’m antsy thinking how painful his will might be. I need to pray for more faith in that area. Also, I’ve known so many people who’ve broken a wrist reaching out to prevent a fall (I was just talking to a friend about this over the weekend!). I understand “rolling with it”, but in the midst of a fall it seems so hard to not try to reach out to prevent. Good, thought-provoking post as usual.
I don’t think I ever mastered “rolling with it” physically. Thankfully I have not fallen in a long time and never broke anything from a fall. But when my husband is driving and swerves or slams on the brake, I instinctively brace myself, which is probably not a good idea.
I hope I do better spiritually. I know these things, but I have to keep reminding myself of them.
Barbara, this post is so relatable to me… especially when I think back to my diagnosis with fibromyalgia. Before the diagnosis, I thought how wonderful it would be to just know what was keeping me on the couch or in bed with all of my pain I was suffering. But then I got the diagnosis and all I could think about was the fact that it was a chronic thing that little was known about at the time and doctors didn’t want to talk about it. Then a pastor gave me a book by John Piper called When I Don’t Desire God. It was through reading that book that the Holy Spirit pointed me to the fact that I needed to accept it because it came through the hand of the Father. This was two years after my diagnosis. I did come to the point of accepting it as God’s gift to me…a way I could glorify Him. It didn’t relieve or take away the pain, but my spirit was content. Thank you for the reminder.
Thanks for sharing this testimony, Dianna. One of the things I struggle with is what might happen as we get older. We saw what each of our parents went through. When we hear of someone our age with a cancer or Parkinson’s or macular degeneration diagnosis, I think/pray, “Oh, Lord, please don’t let that happen to us!” Yet *something* is going to get us in the end. 🙂 I know, both from Scripture and experience that God is faithful, that He allows what He does in love and with purpose, and that He will be with us and give us grace every step of the way. But I have to remind myself frequently.
Witnessing pain in others can rip out hearts right out of our chests
“Instead of tensing at what God might do and allow in my life, I need to trust my good and loving Father and seek His grace all along the way.” Amen. These words were most encouraging to me this morning. Thank you and I appreciate your wisdom and the words you share!
What an encouraging read, Barbara. There is much meaning here but I have to tell you that I smiled big when I read you took tumbling for PE in college. I haven’t met many people who took PE in college, so I have few people to talk about that with. I took ballet, which was a not a natural thing for me. Still, I learned, and it was good for me. Thanks for sharing your meaningful words here.
This was so good. Just what I needed to see today.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks so much for sharing, Sandra.
Yes, I think we all go through this fear/anxiety stage Barbara with the Lord, especially those of us who have had major events in our lives, like the deaths of our children, husbands &/or living with Chronic health conditions.
We can become what we call in the Clinical Therapeutic world Hyper vigilant in what may befall us next. I know I did after my late husband passed away from Brain Cancer.
However, when we keep our focus upon the Lord, & in the words of the old hymn;
“…look full into HIs wonderous face & the things of this Earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His Glory & grace.”
We know that no matter what comes He is there carrying us through & He will have the ultimate glory.
Blessings, Jennifer
Your statement about God being more than a doctor made me think of Matthew 7, “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children…”
The Amy Carmichael poem is a good reminder that we may never fully understand until we see Him face to face.
“Worry is fear God won’t get things right.” Yep, I can relate to that. And also to the C.S. Lewis quote, given my great aversion to personal pain (groan).
Your analogy is a powerful one … God is our good Father and we can trust Him to provide what we need. (Even when it hurts.)
I’m also sorry about what happened to your mother-in-law, but glad you were able to prevent infections during the time she lived with you. The whole scenario of not knowing whether something is being done because you don’t know it needs to be done seems to be a common issue when we’re taking care of older parents, doesn’t it? 😦
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