Occasionally I post a series of random thoughts.
Can we get rid of the phrase, “Unless you’ve been living under a rock . . .”? It’s used to indicate a subject that most people know. But if you’re not aware of the subject being discussed, it sounds like a put-down.
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Why do people start sentences with “I’ll be honest . . . ?” Are they not honest unless they add that qualifier?
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I read of a group of women meeting for lunch at a restaurant who were offended at male the server calling them “ladies,” as in “What can I get you ladies?” I don’t understand why. This was long before the gender confusion of our day.
I commented to the writer that when I facilitated a ladies’ group at church, I usually used that word when addressing them (especially when trying to call the meeting to order). Neither “women” nor “females” sounded right in that context. “Girls” made me cringe; “gals” even more so. “People” sounded passive-aggressive, “folks” too . . . folksy.
The writer backed down a little from her stance. But I still didn’t understand the reason for the objection.
I suppose the poor server could have avoided an appellation at all and just said, “What can I get you to drink?”
For a brief time in my teens I worked in the bakery department of a grocery store. Once when I came into the stockroom for something, several of the teen guy employees were there. One of them said, “Watch your mouths, guys. A lady entered the room.” I felt honored, not offended.
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In my twenties and thirties, yearly physical exams were very hands-on, literally. Nowadays, a physical consists primarily of the doctor looking at the computer discussing lab work. Is this a trend of medicine in general? Or something that happens as one gets older?
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Speaking of doctors–I had on my list of things to discuss with him a recurring pain at the top of my shin, right below my kneecap. But as I prepared to go to my exam, I realized I had not felt that pain in some time. Perhaps it was some injury that had righted itself. So I skipped asking about it.
Guess where I felt pain the very next day?
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I’ve mentioned Elisabeth Elliot many times as my mentor-from-afar. Her books and newsletters shaped my thinking about Christianity in general and Christian service and womanhood in particular.
She used to say that whenever she spoke on a particular subject, she would be tested on that subject before or after her talk. I have found the same to be true in my writing. When I posted about irritability last week, I had the worst problem with irritation for several days.
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Speaking of Elisabeth Elliot, I got an email from the Elisabeth Elliot Foundation this week on the occasion of their fifth anniversary. Years ago, I remember seeing a video of Elisabeth’s daughter, Valerie, saying she felt the legacy of both her parents was too heavy. I’m thankful this foundation was formed, both so it could do far more than Valerie could do on her own, plus it would outlive her. Many of Elisabeth’s books are being repackaged and republished, digitized, and turned into audiobooks. Many are being translated to other languages. Elisabeth’s newsletters and radio programs are being gathered and added to the resources at the web site. An exhibit of her life was at the Museum of the Bible in Washington, DC, and is now traveling around the country.
When Elisabeth died in 2015, I was afraid her influence and wisdom would die out over the next several years. I’m so thankful to see that it hasn’t and won’t for a long time to come.
Stray Thoughts 
I enjoyed reading your random thoughts.
I can’t imagine why those women would have been offended by being called ladies.
I need to read more of Elizabeth Elliot.
I enjoyed reading these random thoughts, Barbara. It helps me to know you a bit better. I totally agree with you concerning the first thought. It does come across as a put-down at times.
And I am also right there with you when it comes to the whole thing about a group of women being offended when a male server referred to them as “ladies”. I would consider that an honorable thing, not an offensive comment.
I better understand why you and I are a lot alike in our worldviews from a Christian perspective. Elisabeth Elliot was the first person (from afar) who truly influenced my view of Christianity. I can remember going to my pastor’s wife and asking her why it was that not everyone would just do what the Bible said like Elisabeth Elliot did. ~wink~ And I was serious!
I “discovered” EE in college, and then read almost everything she wrote over the years. She was always so practical, but so firm in obeying God and trusting Him through life.
I wonder the same things about doctors. Even a podiatrist I went to for foot pain never touched my feet. I’m not sure why I even show up in person. ha.
That is really weird that a podiatrist would not touch your feet!
For me, when I say “I’ll be honest” at the start of a sentence, I think what I’m actually saying is “I would not reveal this under other circumstances” or “I feel like saying this might be a little risky, but I’m trusting you (to take it seriously, to read it as intended, to not react badly).”
I’m “being honest” in the sense of revealing what I really think, as opposed to being silent, deflecting, or telling a little social lie (like responding “fine, and you?” to an insincerely meant “how are you?”).
Which, I’m realizing as I write this, is a lot of meaning to pack into four words that feel like filler words!
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For the waiter story, that’s why the South invented the word y’all!
It does seem like the group might have been going out of their way to be offended though. At some point you’ve gotten thicken your skin a little bit. The waiter is just trying to get through his day and politely address a group of strangers. Even if he’s missing the mark, take it as intended and just order your lunch and move on with your day! I find it easiest to assume good faith from people whenever I can. And even if he’s being condescending or rude, why let someone you’ll never speak to again ruin your day?
Good perspectives! I know when people say, “I’ll be honest,” they’re not saying they’re usually dishonest–though the wording makes it sound like that. 🙂 I think sometimes it’s also an emphasis on their sincerity at the moment or the importance of what they are about to say.
I agree, it seems people are all too often looking for ways to be offended these days. The poor waiter was just trying to be polite while doing his job.
Something I meant to say in the post was that once when I had a chapter of my manuscript critiqued, “lady” was corrected to “woman” at one point. That got me to wondering about this as well, if there was some reason one was preferred over another. I don’t know why I didn’t ask the critiquer. I poked around the Internet a little, and found that “lady” was sometimes deemed to be “classist”–as if a “lady” was thought to be a higher class of woman, thereby demeaning to lower classes. But I don’t believe it’s usually referring to social or economic class. It’s usually just meant to designate adult females or, like the teen guy in the stockroom, a term of honor.
That’s good practice to assume the best intention.
I mean, the classicism is why it’s an honorific! Honor is paid from lower classes to higher classes, so an announcer saying “ladies and gentlemen” is trying to ingratiate himself to the crowd by implying he’s of lower standing, that you are the honored guest and he is the humble host.
I can see lady being seeing as an old-fashioned term depending on the context. I was thinking about when you mentioned the guy saying “Watch your mouths, guys. A lady entered the room,” how that feels like something that wouldn’t happen today. People are a lot freer with their vulgarity and cursing. There’s still a taboo about cursing around kids, but other than that it tends to be a free for all.
The term to really avoid is “females” as a noun. I can’t see that word without hearing it in a Ferengi voice (and usually the people I see online calling women females is saying something that a Ferengi would say, so it reinforces itself).
It’s a great practice to collect all these random thoughts in one place. What a fun post!
And I got the same email from the EEF and it made me realize it’s been a while since I revisited one of her books. They never seem to get old.
I’ve had the same reaction as you to “let me be honest.” And I don’t understand be offended at being called a lady. I hope your shin pain resolves itself again. Fun post!
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I love your random thoughts Barbara.
I say ” ladies” and have had servers ask us “ladies” if we’re ready to order and I think it respectful and endearing.
One phrase that drives me bonkers and drives me to irritation from 0 to 60 is “it is, what it is”.
I so appreciate you sharing your thoughts with Sweet Tea & Friends this month dear friend.
xo