There was a period of time in another church and state when I was sometimes late to services. One man in particular noticed and commented. For instance, one day when I walked in before the service started, he handed me a bulletin and said, “Once in a row!”
I honestly wasn’t late that often. I don’t know if he was teasing or meant his comments as a prod or jab. I don’t know why it didn’t anger or hurt me. I had to work with him in various capacities, so maybe subconsciously I didn’t want there to be trouble between us.
What he didn’t know was that during that time, I started developing IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). I didn’t know that’s what it was at the time. I just knew I was having unexpected, unexplained digestive problems. No matter how much extra time I gave myself to get ready, I couldn’t count on my body cooperating with me.
Granted, I was sometimes late for other reasons. But all too often, my lateness was due to physical issues that I didn’t want to explain.
In fact, the pressure of trying to get there on time, not wanting to draw attention to myself, not wanting to distract anyone by being late, all made the physical issues worse.
Friends who have traveled to other countries talk about the different regard for time in various places. Seeing someone you know and stopping to talk to them is considered more thoughtful and respectful than rushing past them to get somewhere on time.
But in our Western culture, lateness is regarded as disrespect for those you’re meeting with and a lack of discipline.
And that’s often true. It is frustrating to go to a meeting that doesn’t start for fifteen to twenty minutes because several people weren’t there on time. Then the meeting gets done twenty minutes later than planned. Plus, people streaming in late can be distracting.
But sometimes it just can’t be helped.
Once in another church in another state, we were waiting on one of my sons to get done in the bathroom so we could leave for church. We lived in a split-level, and the door leading downstairs was open. As my son in the bathroom upstairs flushed the toilet, we saw water pour from that bathroom floor through the ceiling below in what was our laundry and workroom. The toilet had clogged, and I guess we had never told my son not to keep flushing the toilet in that case. Somehow we mopped up the mess and miraculously still made it to church on time. We hadn’t told anyone about our morning scenario, but the only thing I remember the guest speaker saying that day was “We just don’t know what it takes for some people to get to church.”
While we don’t want to have a casual attitude about arriving at church (or anywhere else) on time, we shouldn’t have an overly judgmental attitude, either.
Sometimes when I am running late due to stomach issues, especially in the first church I mentioned, I’ve thought, “You know, if I am late, everyone is going to notice. But not many will notice if I don’t show up at all. Maybe I should just stay home.”
I saw a meme recently that went something like this: The writer was late to church, and people scowled and frowned at him for disturbing the service. But when he was late to an AA meeting, everyone was concerned and asked, “Is everything okay?” They realized that his lateness may have indicated he almost didn’t make it, and they knew how desperately he needed to be there.
Hopefully we can find a balance between encouraging people to be on time for church for smoother functioning of the body, yet not judging them when they’re not. We should do our best to be at church on time, just as we would for our jobs or catching an airplane (for me, I’ve found I have to get up four hours before leaving in order for medicine to kick in on time). But, as the guest speaker at my former church said, we don’t know what some people go through just to get to church. A latecomer needs to be met with welcoming smiles of “We’re glad you’re here,” not frowns, scowls, or remarks that make them feel they should not have come.
(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)
Stray Thoughts 
I think we’d all do better to be gracious about it when someone is late to church – minding our own business most of the time, and expressing concern when appropriate. There’s lots of reasons why people may be late and while sometimes it may be that they are thoughtless or don’t feel it’s important to be on time, that’s still not something for the rest of us to point out or give them nasty looks etc. And there are different ideas about what it means to be on time also.
Oh wow, I relate to this! At our small church (around 100 people usually), the pastor makes a big deal of wanting people to stay and visit after church. Many weeks during the sermon he’ll mention “Now don’t run off right after church, stick around and fellowship with the family …” etc. Some weeks we’ve hurried out and I felt nervous having to pass by the pastor, feeling like he might scold us! We live about 45 min. from church, which gets out around 12:30–getting late for lunch. Add to that, many weeks I’m playing organ about 40 miles from this church, so I have to coordinate a lunch spot with the rest of the family. I’m sure other people have other concerns. It’s nice to visit–and yet, yeah. I kind of feel judged for not staying and staying. You bring up a good point about physical issues. I hadn’t even thought about that but it makes a lot of sense. Just makes me want to show others grace, on this or whatever issue!
These are good, encouraging words Barbara. This was a great reminder of the realities of life hitting us all. Thank you. I thank God for the perseverance he is giving you through many trials—still being busy and still exhorting your brothers and sisters in the Lord. May you be blessed.
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Excellent message. We don’t always know what is happening in the lives of other folks. I pray we have compassion and understanding for all. Have a blessed week! 🙂
This post really resonated with me. In our church, i honestly am so focused on worship that I rarely notice if someone is late. We’re also a huge church so less noticable and most who ARE late just slip into the side back or stay in the cafe area where they can watch the service on the big screens.
One time I was struggling with IBS along with having a cantankerous toddler. Hubby realized it was a struggle so took older girl to church (this was in our former church where judgmentalism and gossip ruled) so she could make it to Sunday School class and I drove separately with toddler. I usually just ignored the “well meaning” ladies who always seemed to have to make a comment to me afterwards, but one time my buttons were pushed too far and I snapped and said to her “Well I’m dealing with IBS and it’s more polite to come in late after my episodes have passed than sitting there possibly stinking up the place”. Her face turned beet red. HAHAHAH. Needless to say, the Lord actually did heal me of IBS through some dietary changes and a good probiotic for women. But after that, the lady avoided talking to me. HAHAH!!!
A good reminder. As you said, no one knows what it takes to get to church.
I’ve seen a lot of different articles recently about how we should get to church early/on time, and how this shows the type of Christian we are, etc. So when I saw this on Challies ‘A La Carte’ list I wanted to check it out for a more considerate view…I didn’t expect it to be sooo apt for me and my wife!
We both have IBS and getting to church AT ALL is a struggle, let alone on time. We do our best but waking up hours before to give yourself a chance to be okay and then become okay if you’re not okay, is tough. Thank you for sharing about your struggles and the reality of that, and offering a much more compassionate view than some on getting to church.
Though it would be easier and more comfortable for us to NOT GO to church at all, we make a choice to go, even though the majority of weeks we go we don’t feel well physically or mentally. We would rather be there with our family in Christ for 30 minutes and be late, than not be there at all. Very few people will understand that and yet we make a big effort to just show up and take part and be involved and fellowship and hear from God’s word and look to encourage others in Jesus too. When we can, we actually stay longer at the end to chat with brothers and sisters in Christ and see how they are.
I feel like the idea of getting to church on time/early is made out to be more important than it is. Yes it’s helpful, but isn’t it more important to engage with the sung wirship and preach? Isn’t it more important to look to encourage others in Christ and make time for others at the end (and the rest of the week too – not just a Sunday service!)? Someone might get to church on time every week, but be completely uninvolved in the life of the church and not care to fellowship or build others up. Someone who arrives late may be doing that and more the rest of the Sunday and rest of the week!
A great article, very much appreciated. Thank you
Excellent.
I think it all boils down to the fact we should be lifting each other up, not pointing out flaws. None of us know the whole story!
What an interesting topic to consider! I’m an “on-time is late” kind of girl so I notice when others come screeching in at the last minute, but for me it’s become kind of an endearing quality. We say that our late-arriving friends at church are living on “coastal time.”
I really appreciate this. Written with honesty and grace.
I know I am guilty of being late through trying to do far too much beforehand, rather than preparing myself spiritually. So, I am probably someone who does need an occasional reminder to be on time and ready.
But it is so important that people come, even if they are late, to worship together. And others need to show grace and not judge; we don’t know the whole story or what’s going on in people’s lives or the struggles they have. The Lord knows.
Yes, may we extend grace even to those who are late to church. We truly do not know the effort it takes for some. May they always feel we are glad they have come, yes, even late 🙂
Oh I can relate to this; my family struggled to get to church on time with 6 of us and only one bathroom it seemed like no matter how early we started getting ready we were barely out the door on time and then parking was a nightmare so we almost always walked into church a few minutes late. My youngest sister was a colicky baby at the time and often cried during service too causing either my mom or step-father to miss much of the mass they rushed like crazy to try and get us all to. Eventually we stopped going altogether because I do think my parents felt judged. It took so many years before we got back into the habit of going regularly again!
I appreciate your thoughts about this, Barbara. We just don’t know what’s going on with other people, do we? Giving grace and the benefit of the doubt seems like a much better approach than handing out unfair judgments.
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