Don’t-ing or Doing?

In my early Christian life, a lot of teaching I heard seemed to emphasize what we as Christians don’t do. We don’t dress like that. We don’t listen to that kind of music. We don’t watch those programs. We don’t play those games. We don’t use that kind of language.

During part of this time I had a job in retail sales. I wanted to be a good testimony. I politely said no to invitations to places I didn’t feel comfortable going with my coworkers. I quietly absented myself from certain conversations. My style of dress was noticeably different from that of others. They knew I didn’t do a number of things. Some were even kindly protective of me, careful not to put me in situations where I might be uncomfortable. I couldn’t help but wonder, however, what these actions (or inactions) indicated to my coworkers and customers. They knew I was “religious.” But could they tell the difference between me and an adherent of any number of other religions? They saw my standards, but did they see my Jesus?

The Bible does have a lot to say about what we should not do. Freedom in Christ doesn’t mean we live any way we want to. God’s command for our holiness filters down into every part of our lives, and our love for Him does influence our choices of dress and entertainment. We need to understand what things are wrong. We need to realize we’re innately drawn towards wrong. Paul said, “if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin. For I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said, ‘You shall not covet’” (Romans 7:7). It’s important to remember the Bible’s warnings against sin. Some people fall off-balance by minimizing or even overlooking the “don’ts” in the name of love and positivity or an effort to be inoffensive.


But the Bible doesn’t stop with a list of “don’ts.” “So flee youthful passions,” 2 Timothy 2:22 says. But it goes on to say, “and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”

Colossians 3:5-9 tells us to “ Put to death ” or “put away” “sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry . . . anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another.”

But the passage doesn’t stop with “putting off.” “You have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator” (verses 9-10). The next verses enumerate what that new self we put on looks like:

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him (verses 12-17).

Ephesians 4:17-32 has similar instructions to “to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (verses 22-24). We trade lying for truth (v. 25), stealing for honest work (v. 28), corrupt talk for edifying words (v. 29). We don’t let anger linger (v. 26), and we replace bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice with kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness “as God in Christ forgave you” (verses. 31-32).

We’re not aiming just for “positive thinking”: we’re seeking a balanced focus. “Putting on the new” not only keeps us balanced, but it actually helps us put off the old. We have known of preachers who have fallen into sexual sin after years of preaching against it. Surely a number of factors contributed to their fall, but one may have been an undue focus on the forbidden.

Erwin Lutzer shared a helpful illustration in How to Say No to a Stubborn Habit: if someone tells you not to think of the number eight—suddenly that’s all you can think about. The more you try not to think about it, the more it fills your mind. But if you start thinking of other numbers or working equations, you’re distracted from eight.

Likewise, if I try to diet by repeating to myself, “Don’t eat chocolate cake, Don’t eat chocolate cake, Don’t eat chocolate cake,” what is my mind filled with? Chocolate cake. I’m thinking about it so much, I am likely to give in and have some. But if I turn my thoughts toward other things I can eat, chocolate cake lessens it’s hold on me. Now I can focus on the positive, on what I can do rather than what I can’t.

Years ago I read in a forgotten older book about “chastity meetings.” The author didn’t elaborate, but evidently these meetings were held to help young people make a decision to pursue purity. His wise advice was, “Have your chastity meetings, but then go on to another subject.” If every single week these young people were warned about sexual sin and urged to avoid it, their thoughts would be filled with it just like mine would be with the chocolate cake I needed to avoid.

Concentrating on “doing” rather than just on “don’t-ing” not only helps us avoid sin and pursue good, but it presents a better testimony. If all we talk about is what we don’t do, we sound either curmudgeonly or self-righteous.

Pursuing the positive also creates joy in Christ rather than mourning what we can’t do.

But we don’t follow a list of impossible good works in order to gain favor or rack up points with God. We focus on these good traits not to become righteous but to demonstrate that God has changed us and made us righteous. The Ephesians passage mentioned above says the goal is to  “attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ” (verse 13). It also says we effect these transformations by being “renewed in the spirit of [our] minds (v. 23) and because that’s the way we have learned Christ (verses. 20-21). Romans 12:2 tells us “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” Colossians 3:10 tells us our “new self…is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.”

How do we renew our minds in the knowledge of Him? By beholding Him in His Word: “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit” (2 Corinthians 3:18). As we see Him in His Word, we get to know Him better, and we become more like Him. As we pursue the pure and good and holy, the lesser things fall away.

(Revised from the archives)

(I often link up with some of these bloggers)

24 thoughts on “Don’t-ing or Doing?

  1. Such a wonderful post! When I taught, I would open each school year asking my students what our classroom rules should be. Quite predictably, they came up with a list of “don’ts”. I would than ask them what we could DO. We followed that list instead.

    It’s the same with our Christian life – emphasizing the DOS (as well as minding the don’ts) makes such a difference in our perspective! Great post!

  2. Great post! We really do sell the gospel short when we see it or live it as only the list of things we can’t do. The “don’t” list is relatively short when we stop to think about it, especially in light of the fact that God has given us everything we need to live godly lives and blessed us with so much freedom.

  3. Wonderful and encouraging word. We renew our minds, and change our perspective, as we behold Him in His Word. As we do, our lives are fuller, not diminished. More abundant, not emptied.

  4. I love the focus on what we can do rather than what we can’t — in Christianity as well as other life aspects. Very helpful!

  5. It makes sense to focus on what we should be doing rather than what we shouldn’t. And it would be amazing if Christians were known more for the things we do that reflect God. I think a lot of non-Christians just see that we avoid certain things and it can be hard to let them see that there’s more to our faith than what we don’t do.

  6. this is all so true, Barbara. sounds like we were raised in very similar circles. praise God that along the way the emphasis has grown to be more fully on Jesus and who He is and His lovingkindness instead of an endless list of things we ‘can’t’ do.

  7. This is a good word, Barbara! Thank you. “Pursuing the positive also creates joy in Christ rather than mourning what we can’t do.” Flipping the script like this shifts our focus to the desired outcome (joy in Christ) rather than on regrets of the past or grieving our old comforts. Let’s pursue the positive!

  8. Barbara, the chocolate cake/chastity meeting illustrations speak directly to some parenting issues I’m thinking through right now, so I greatly appreciated reading this post. 😊

  9. Oh, yes! This is a very wise teaching, Barbara. I grew up with your original list of don’t’s as well. And while I still follow several of those don’t’s, I’ve learned how very important it is to also embody the do’s to live as Christ wants me to. Your question here hits the nail on the head: “They saw my standards, but did they see my Jesus?”

  10. I think if one is walking with God, he gives great reminders in situations. So true, the more a parent says don’t, then the end result sometimes is the doing of the don’t. Very good reminder of how to portray Jesus/God instead of just religiousness. 🙂

  11. I’ve known so many Christians in my life who are more focused on the rules than the grace-offering relationship with Jesus. I love your advice about focusing on the do part, and that makes us want to do more of it.

  12. Perfect attitude-we should daily take the negatives and turn them into positives! Love this!

  13. Barbara,
    What a unique perspective. And, yes, now you have me thinking about chocolate cake lol. I don’t want the world to only see my standards, I want them to see my Jesus. The only way I can mirror Jesus is if I’m in His word. Renewing my mind by continually being in His word enables me to be transformed. Going to focus more on the doing!
    Blessings,
    Bev xx

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  15. These words stood out to me–“They saw my standards, but did they see my Jesus?” I hope they do, Barbara!

    Thank you for this thought provoking post!

    Peace and grace,
    Tammy

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  17. Excellent post and I wish I would have had more of the emphasis on the do’s rather than the don’ts in the way I raised my kids.

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