I didn’t hear about the first writing conference I attended until shortly before it began. As I scrambled to prepare for it, I emailed the director to ask if I could still send in a manuscript sample for critique, something most conferences offer for a fee. She graciously said yes.
I’d been forewarned that I would be shocked at the number of corrections such a critique would entail. I thought I was prepared, but I still reeled at all the penciled-in notations on my manuscript. Thankfully my critiquer did not use a red pen, or else my pages would have looked like they were bleeding out.
I tried to take in all the comments the editor shared with me at our fifteen-minute meeting. At the end, I became painfully aware that she had not said one good thing about my writing.
The next activity on the schedule was lunch, and as I walked to my car in tears, I almost headed for home. Maybe writing was my dream, not God’s will. Maybe the people who had complimented my writing in the past were just being kind.
As I ate lunch alone, I pondered what to do. I finally felt God wanted me to stay. The conference and the hotel had already been paid for, so I might as well take advantage of them.
And I was glad I did. The rest of the conference was a wonderful experience and left me filled up and ready to go home and tackle my writing.
As I looked back over my submitted manuscript and tried to decipher my notes, I began to appreciate the editor’s comments. I thought I had a good grasp of grammar because I loved English classes and usually made A’s. But a few decades after graduating, I’d forgotten some things and developed bad habits. Plus, a few standards had changed over the years. I became appalled at the glaring errors I made, not only in this piece, but in years of blogging and newsletter writing. I wanted to go back and edit all my blog posts.
The two major errors the editor pointed out stuck with me. Perhaps the sting of the criticism embedded those issues deeper than they otherwise would have been. I still wish the editor might have found something positive to say. But ultimately, I was thankful for the correction because it led to a vast improvement in my writing and a new watchfulness. In fact, at the same conference the following year, two of my contest pieces won awards, which was a great encouragement.
(By the way, don’t let this experience deter you from submitting a manuscript for critique if you have the opportunity. My subsequent critiques at other conferences were much more positive experiences.)
Oddly, we all know we’re far from perfect, but we bristle when anyone points out our flaws. When someone discreetly lets me know my slip is showing or tucks a tag into my collar, I’m initially irritated. After a minute, I remind myself they are just trying to help. I really don’t want to venture out with a drooping slip or visible clothing tag, so ultimately I am grateful someone took the time to save me from further embarrassment.
The Bible repeatedly emphasizes the benefit of listening to correction:
The ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise. Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence (Proverbs 15:31-32).
A fool despises his father’s instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is prudent (Proverbs 15:5).
Poverty and disgrace come to him who ignores instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is honored. (Proverbs 13:18).
Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear
(Proverbs 25:12).
It is better for a man to hear the rebuke of the wise than to hear the song of fools (Ecclesiastes 7:5).
Think of students, athletes, musicians, and others: none of them would learn and grow if no one pointed out their mistakes or strengthened them where they were weak.
A quote of C. H. Spurgeon’s inspires me when I balk at criticism or suggestion: “Brother, if any man thinks ill of you, do not be angry with him; for you are worse than he thinks you to be.”
Of course, not all criticism is justified. When I consider a book from an author I don’t know, I look at the one- and two-star reviews as well as the five-star ones. Some of the lower reviews reveal problems with the book, but some are ridiculous.
And some people go overboard, acting as if criticism is a spiritual gift, constantly sharing their seemingly superior wisdom and opinions when they’re not called for. A study of how—and whether—to graciously offer counsel would be a subject for another blog post, but James tells us “The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere” (3:17).
My first response to any criticism should be to examine it to see if there is any merit to it. Maybe the person is just critical or doesn’t understand. But instead of assuming so, I need to accept that they are probably trying to help. Even if they are a little off, there might be some seed of truth in their observation.
Also, instead of avoiding criticism, I need to ask for it. That first manuscript critique was hard to take, but it was also a spur to humility and an eye-opening realization of how much I still needed to learn. Reading books and blog posts about writing helps, but joining a critique group has been one of the best steps I’ve taken to improve my writing. If we want to grow in any area, it’s vital to put ourselves in a position to learn from those who know more than we do and receive their correction and advice.
I don’t think anyone likes criticism. But if we receive it humbly, look for truth in it, and improve from it, we are blessed.
Has any criticism or correction helped you?
(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)
Stray Thoughts 
Thank you for sharing this experience! I agree! I had two poems submitted at a writer’s workshop and it was fascinating the professor’s comments. He ended up positive about one of them and then ripping to shreds the other. 😂 It WAS a great learning experience for me. I hope to go to a writing conference someday. 😄♥️
That’s funny/odd the professor loved one poem but not the other.
I hope you get to go to a writing conference some day! I’ve been to a small one twice and a couple of others online during the pandemic. Some are continuing to offer online versions so they are more accessible to people. I love that, though I miss some of the in-person interactions.
In fact, one of the free online ones is coming up next weekend: The Enrich Conference Aug. 3-5 (https://lighthousebiblestudies.com/enrich-conference-for-bible-study-writers-speakers-teachers/). I’d love to attend again, but that’s right before my oldest son comes to visit, so I’m sure I’ll be frantically housecleaning. 🙂
I agree with everything here, Barbara. Just yesterday I had to reexamine my heart when Jeff offered a suggestion that I be more gentle with lowering the footrest as I get out of the recliner. My initial reaction was defensiveness, but he probably had a point. 🙂 Criticism is hard to take, but it is easier when asked for. I’ve been so pleased with the critiques too in our writing group. Everyone is gentle with their suggestions. Hearing their good points mixed in with the hard ones makes it easier too.
I’ve loved the critiques in our group, too—on everyone’s submissions, not just mine. It’s been such a great learning experience. And that gentleness mixing the positive and negative helps a great deal.
Some months after the “rough” critique I mentioned, I wondered if the person’s reaction had anything to do with my submission being late due to my not knowing about the conference earlier. I’ve learned since then that missed deadlines are very much looked down upon in the writing community. I didn’t think to explain that at the beginning of our meeting. Or, since her critique was last-minute, maybe she didn’t have time to think through balancing the negative with at least a glimmer of hope. 🙂 But then again, I attended one of her workshops, and her personality seemed down-to-business and not effusive. Or maybe my piece was just that bad. 🙂 At any rate, whatever the reasons for being all negative, I’m thankful God gave me grace to learn from it and keep going.
Oh, Ms. Barbara. How I wish I had been the one to critique your writing. Granted, I’m seeing the more polished, experienced, writerly Ms. Barbara, but regardless, a critique should not be about finding and pointing out every mistake, but genuinely seeking to help the writer improve. We don’t do that with a baseball bat (or red pen), but with kindness, caring, encouragement, passion, and compassion. I pray you have found better critique partners in the years since your first conference, but if not, please let me know. Yes, we can grow from the criticism received, but it’s better with it’s delivered with kindness and encouragement instead of clamor and pride.
God’s blessings ma’am.
Thank you so much, kind friend. I needed the mistakes to be pointed out. But I also could have used the hope that they could be overcome and that there was something worthwhile in my writing as well. Thankfully, God ministered those things to me through others. Every critique I’ve had since this first one has been much more encouraging.
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Ha ha on the Spurgeon quote — I like that spin on things! I appreciate the thoughts you have given me to ponder here, as somehow who struggles with criticism. Interesting thought to ask for criticism. I guess we automatically do that at something like a writing group or conference, but I need to think about it in “real life” too. Hmmmm.
Yes–it’s a little tricky in other contexts. We have in Scripture multiple instructions to correct each other and listen to others’ corrections. But we have the balancing admonition not to be busybodies. I think correcting someone in real life needs to be based in some sort of relationship and needs to be done with much care and prayer. I tend to avoid confrontation, so I usually talk myself out of this. 🙂 But if I say anything at all, it’s not usually in a “We need to talk. I am concerned about something I see in you” kind of way. I think that might only go over well when it’s from parents, teachers, pastors and their wives, mentors, etc. If I say anything, it’s more likely to be a suggestion—“You know, something that helps me is to . . . “
I think it’s important to take criticism in the spirit it was given in. It’s also important for the person critiquing to be able to deliver the criticism in a way that is direct but also gentle. There really isn’t any point in criticizing if the person goes home in tears. I think it takes one person who is willing to learn and another person willing to teach in order to work correctly.
I think we had the willingness to teach and learn in this incidence. But the teacher seemed to forget that critiquing is not just pointing out mistakes but also commending good points. A totally negative critique spurs thoughts that there’s no hope, no point in continuing to learn and grow, because there’s no basic talent in the first place. In other contexts, I’d heard of the “sandwich method”—nestling a criticism between two positive comments. I don’t think we need two positives for one negative, but just a little positive encouragement would have gone a long way.
Barbara yes criticism has helped me a lot. I’m in a critique group too and that is where I’m learning to be open to criticism because the critiquing always takes my writing to another level or idea and I know that it’s all out of love but at the same time the goal is also helping us to get better. I know what you mean about an editor. I sent my proposal in and so many corrections and but again they were needed on my end.
It’s true we can’t improve in any area without being made aware of what we’re doing wrong first. But it helps to know what we’re doing right as well. We have a great critique group who corrects kindly and encouragingly.
Barbara yes criticism has helped me a lot. I’m in a critique group too and that is where I’m learning to be open to criticism because the critiquing always takes my writing to another level or idea and I know that it’s all out of love but at the same time the goal is also helping us to get better. I know what you mean about an editor. I sent my proposal in and so many corrections and but again they were needed on my end. X
I would have cried, in some instances I’m no good at accepting criticism. I take things to heart emotionally. You’ve got some great insights here for me to reflect on. I’m so glad you shared your experience with Sweet Tea & Friends sweet friend.
I did cry. 🙂 Thankfully not until I got out to my car. I expected the criticism and ultimately appreciated it. But with no positives pointed out, it felt like there must not have been any good points in my writing, which made me feel like “What’s the use?” Thankfully God helped me gain perspective and other critiques have been more balanced.
I used to be extremely sensitive to criticism, too. I’ve realized I can never improve and grow without finding out where I am wrong or weak. It makes a lot of difference how the criticism is given, though.
Ahhh, Barbara. The writer’s life is full of criticism . . . and critique . . . and correction. I am so glad you stayed at the conference. It sounds like God met you there. Criticism IS hard to grapple with. In my writing, I’ve learned to give difficult contest results and critiques a 24-hour period before I make decisions on them. This allows me to process the emotions. Then, like you, I can go back and see that, often, there is truth to the hard words offered to me. Having humility and a teachable spirit will always move us along our journey faster. I love the heart you’ve shared here about how to receive and navigate criticism. Well said!
That’s a good idea to give criticism some time before responding, so we’re doing so with a clearer head and settled emotions.
I think your editor should have worked at coming up with something positive to say…
And you make me aware of how solitary my own writing life is and always has been. I love it when I get to work with an editor!
I wish she had. 🙂 All the other critiques I’ve had have been much more balanced. We need the wrong pointed out, but it helps to know where we’re doing well, too.
Often times my husband offers his opinion and somehow I take it defensively, yet he has my best interests at heart…most times 😉 Its good to be more laid back and take whats constructive and leave what isnt, I think.
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Barbara, I’m behind on commenting this week but I’m so glad I read this. I think writers of all experience levels would benefit from your hard-fought wisdom. I’m glad you stuck it out at the conference and were able to factor the editor’s personality into her critique. I’m 100 percent sure, though, that there were positive things she could have pointed out as well. I used to be very, very bad at taking criticism, which didn’t work so great when I worked for a daily newspaper. I can’t remember if I ever shared with you my story about how God used an editor to teach me humility … I’ll email it to you in case I haven’t. I’m so thankful we are able to share encourage each other in our writing journeys. 🙂
As someone who often feels upset if I am criticised, I found this post so encouraging and thought-provoking, Barbara. Thank you so much for sharing your experience in this post and sharing it with Hearth and Soul. I will be featuring it at the September Edition of the party which goes live on Sunday 3rd September. Hope to see you there!
Thanks so much, April. I’m honored to be featured, and I’m so glad this spoke to you. I think criticism always hurts at first. And of course, sometimes critics are way off. But often we can benefit from constructive criticism.
It’s a pleasure, Barbara. And I agree, we can often benefit from constructive criticism. I certainly have 🙂
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