You’ve probably seen those lists people post on social media from time to time–the ones that say something like, “The man speeding on the highway? Maybe his wife is in labor and they are racing to the hospital. The woman who passed you in the hallway without speaking? Maybe she’s worried about a sick child at home.”

On the list goes with various scenarios in which we tend to jump to conclusions and misjudge people.

It’s true, we don’t usually know what’s motivating someone’s actions. We do tend to be quick to judge. As someone has said, we never know what kind of battles people are fighting. In Scriptural terms, we’re to be “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19).

One day as I was driving on the highway, a man in another car cut me off and proceeded to speed in and out of traffic for as far as I could see him.

I thought, “Well, maybe he’s trying to get home to an emergency.”

Then I thought, “Or maybe he’s just being a jerk.”

Because people are sometimes, especially while driving.

So what do we do with jerk-like behavior?

Well, my usual responses to call names or rant about the wrongness of the other person’s actions are not good ones. I don’t do these things in person, but in the solitude of my own car or home–unless I am venting to my husband about my encounters.

I have gotten so steamed at other people’s unfair or thoughtless or just plain wrong actions that my heart starts racing and I worry about my blood pressure.

It doesn’t help to fixate on the situation or repeat it over and over in my mind. Those actions only escalate the situation and my wrong responses.

One of my college professors used to say, “Don’t let other people’s problems become your problems.” He wasn’t saying we shouldn’t care about people’s problems or try to help them. He was saying, in this context, don’t let someone else’s wrongdoing cause you to react wrongly or to sin.

It doesn’t do anything to correct the matter if I work myself up into stroke-levels of blood pressure when someone drives crazily. It only does me harm. So I need to just let it go and not stew over it. Maybe I could pray for them not to hurt anyone or for a policeman to stop them.

What about when jerk-like behavior is closer to home? When a boorish person is a relative or neighbor?

Abigail in 1 Samuel 25 is a good example. Her husband, Nabal, “was harsh and badly behaved.” While David and his men were on the run from Saul, they acted as security or bodyguards to Nabal’s shepherds. When Nabal was shearing his sheep near a feast day, David sent a few of his men to ask Nabal if he could spare some food for them.

Nabal not only said no, he insulted David.

So David called 400 of his men to strap on their swords and head to Nabal’s house.

In the meantime, one of the servants told Abigail what had happened. She hurriedly gathered up food and sent it ahead, and then she got on a donkey and headed to David. When she found him, she humbled herself before him. She admitted her husband was foolish. She asked for forgiveness for him. She appealed to David not to make things worse and cause bloodshed against innocent people by “working salvation himself.” She acknowledged that David was God’s chosen.

David thanked and blessed her, realizing she “kept me this day from bloodguilt and from working salvation with my own hand!” He told her to go home in peace.

Abigail did so, and found Nabal eating, drinking, and making merry. She didn’t tell him about her interaction with David until the next morning, when Nabal was clearheaded. “His heart died within him, and he became as a stone.” Ten days later, “the Lord struck Nabal, and he died.”

Abigail acknowledged what kind of man her husband was; there was no hiding it. But she used wisdom and discretion to protect him and the entire household.

Of course, an even better example is our Lord Jesus. He had the authority to rebuke people when they needed it. But He endured a lot from stubborn, rebellious, foolish people. When it came time for Him to give Himself to die for our sins, He did so without fighting back. “For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:21-23).

He taught us not just to endure, but to go the extra mile, to turn the other cheek, to love our enemies:

You have heard that it was said, “You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect (Matthew 5:43-48).

The Bible acknowledges there are some people we can’t live peaceably with despite our best efforts.

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good (Romans 12:17-21).

There are times to confront people or to appeal to an authority to deal with them. There are times to leave an abusive situation. There are other times to let the situation go. We exercise wisdom, show love, and trust “him who judges justly.”

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