Several years ago, I was preparing to attend my second writer’s conference. There’s always a butterflies-in-the-stomach-feeling when facing a trip. But I wasn’t consciously nervous since I had been to this conference the year before, and it was in a town where I used to live.

However, for some reason, I could not get much sleep the night before. I couldn’t get comfortable. I was too hot, then too cold. My knee started tingling. I played music on my phone, then tried an audiobook. Nothing helped. Of course, I prayed off and on all night.

I ended up with maybe two hours of sleep. It’s one thing to putter around the house without much sleep, but I was in no condition to drive for three and a half-hours.

I couldn’t help but wonder if God didn’t want me to go. I had good motives: I wanted to learn writing and the publishing industry better in order to be a more effective writer for Him. But had I asked Him about this conference? I couldn’t remember.

So I did ask at that point, as well as asking for wisdom to know what to do next. As I prayed and pondered, I decided to go ahead and get ready, then try to take a nap in my desk chair, and see how I felt after that. I asked God to multiply my sleep like the loaves and fishes and make it enough if He wanted me to go.

And that’s what happened. After I slept for a short while, I hit the road. I missed most of the opening session, but was able to attend the rest of the day’s meetings, slept well at the hotel that night, attended the Saturday sessions, had a great time, and made it home safely late that afternoon.

But for several days, I was confused, frustrated, and even a little wounded over that long night of sleeplessness. Why would God create me to need sleep and then not provide it, especially on a night when it was so crucial? Why would He not answer earnest prayer to enable me to do something for His glory?

One of the first thoughts that came to mind was Psalm 66:18: “If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.” Unmet needs and seemingly unanswered prayer can lead to soul-searching.

Deuteronomy 8:3 also came to mind. During Israel’s days of wandering in the wilderness, a couple of times they were without water and food–a dangerous situation any time, but especially in the desert. God told them, “He humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.”

One of God’s purposes for letting them hunger was to humble them. There’s nothing like being in desperate need to make us humble ourselves before the Lord. We realize there’s nothing we can do, and we cast ourselves on Him completely. However much we need bread–or sleep–we need Him more.

That also seems to be what Paul is saying in Philippians 4:11-13: “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” God gives us strength to face both abundance and need with contentment, knowing He will take care of us in His own time and way.

Whatever other factors that might have played into my sleeplessness that night, my main conclusion was that God wanted me to depend on Him in ways I would not have otherwise.

God did actually answer both my need for sleep and the Israelites’ need for food and water–just not in the conventional way.

That helps me when thinking of death. This is probably not a spiritually healthy way to look at it, but death could seem like the final unanswered prayer or unmet need. We prayed for healing, but our loved one died. We prayed for safety, but our loved one got into a fatal accident.

But God said no to those prayers so He could provide something better–eternity with Him. Heaven is not a lesser answer.

Hebrews 11, often called the “Hall of Faith,” tells of Abraham, Noah, Samson, and others who experienced great victories for the Lord. But the last few verses tell of others who were beaten, persecuted, destitute, and mistreated. These were not second-class believers whose faith fell short. They were “commended through their faith” though they “did not receive what was promised” in their lifetimes.

Jesus said, “Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:31-33).

God knows what we need, both physically and spiritually. He might withhold a physical need for a while to work on a greater need in our hearts. But He’s a good Father who loves and cares for His children. He wants us most of all to trust Him and rest in Him.

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