Tense anticipation

When my mother-in-law first started losing muscle strength and tone, going from a walker to a wheelchair to not being able to feed herself to “total assist,” in the physical therapist’s parlance, it seemed as if her muscles were getting limper and weaker. Now some of them are getting strong in the wrong way. When muscles are disused, they can get contracted. She received physical therapy for a few weeks in the nursing home until she “plateaued,” got to a place where they felt they were not going to see any more improvement. The aides were supposed to continue range-of-motion exercises, but being overworked and understaffed, this was neglected, especially during time she developed a pressure sore and had to remain in bed for weeks. We didn’t realize the extent of the need nor the neglect until she already started contracting. We didn’t know to keep on top of it because we thought they were doing everything they were supposed to do. When she was released from the nursing home, her legs would no longer straighten out completely and both arms tended to be drawn up to her chest.

Grandma's hands

She received physical therapy at home for four weeks, which helped, but the PT told us it was unlikely that her limbs would get completely uncontracted. They did improve, but she still keeps her left arm pulled up tightly to her chest most of the time. That makes changing clothes and cleaning hard for both her and her caregiver.

A new problem developed in the last few weeks: two fingers on her right hand began contracting, called Dupuytren’s contracture. It is extremely painful to even have the fingers moved. We have a home health nurse who comes out once a week, and she arranged for an occupational therapist to work with her fingers and arm. Of course, he has to gently but persistently open her fingers, try to stretch them out, and massage the offending tendon in her palm, and of course this about sends her through the roof in pain. She was cooperative the first time he came and even laughed and joked a little, but each visit seems to get a little harder. When she sees him she knows it is going to hurt, so she tenses up in anticipation, which makes it worse. The OT and the aide spend most of the therapy session encouraging her to relax. She can relax her arm and fingers, and when she just relaxes and lets him work and works with him, the whole session goes much better and isn’t nearly as painful. But it is hard for her to understand that or to remember it in the midst of discomfort and pain. The last time the OT was here, her muscles were tensing before he even got started.

I have to admit it’s very hard to watch her in pain, especially when she looks at me like, “WHY don’t you do something?! Why are you letting him do this to me?” I’ve even wondered, “Is this worth it? Should we just let her be?” But without some intervention she would get more contracted and in more pain. Plus the crease in her elbow and her closed hands are more prone to skin breakdown and infection if they are not opened up. Even now the aide has to be careful to wash her hands often because she gets a sour smell in them from their being closed up.

A brace is supposed to be on order (sometimes it takes a while to get things through the doctor, insurance company, and Medicare) which will help keep her hand open naturally and hopefully help over the long haul.

I’d appreciate your prayers for her about this, especially for her OT sessions.

There were some lessons for me, though, in my mother-in-law’s latest therapy session. My mind often goes into, “What’s the worst that can happen?” scenarios. If I am catching a cold, it’s probably going to turn into strep throat and lay me out for a week: if someone is late coming home, maybe they were in an accident, etc. I’m much better about that kind of thing than I used to be, but my mind still runs in those tracks sometimes, scaring myself to death with “What ifs?” I wrote an earlier post titled “When Afraid to Surrender” about the fear we sometimes have that if we truly surrender everything to the Lord, He might ask us to undergo some great trial. He does do that to people sometimes. Just ask Job, or Joni Eareckson Tada, or any number of other people. Even knowing that God has many purposes for allowing suffering doesn’t make us look forward to the prospect.

But He doesn’t want us to live in rigid anticipation, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Whatever He allows – and I am convinced every Christian undergoes trials of some kind, whether physical ailments, relationship or family issues, financial struggles, or something else – we know He has a purpose in allowing it and has promised to be with us and to give us His grace as we need it (not before it is needed).

Perhaps you’ve heard of someone who fell or was in an accident that was made worse because they threw their arms straight out ahead of them to brace themselves, and their arms or wrists were broken. I had a tumbling class in college P.E., and our teacher said if you are about to fall, the best thing you can do is roll with it. That tense rigidity only causes harm. It lessens the joy in life we should be experiencing now. It hinders whatever God is trying to do. Like the occupational therapist, He has to gently, patiently, and persistently work with the very areas that are the most painful in order to accomplish the needed good. Tension against His working only makes it harder and more painful: relaxing into His care allows Him to accomplish His purposes with much less pain and fear. He is not just a therapist: He is a loving Father who wants our good.

“Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” James 1:3-4

(Sharing with Tell His Story)

22 thoughts on “Tense anticipation

  1. My father is having Dupytren’s Contracture surgery as we speak. 🙂 But he is far more mobile than your MIL, so this will enable him to maintain an active lifestyle. I will be in prayer for you all.

  2. this hit home with me. I have rheumatoid arthritis so I understand about tendons and contractures. Recently I had a total knee replacement and I am having to work HARD to get that knee to move and not contract. Thank you for the spiritual illustration. It gives me a new perspective. I will pray for your mother in law.

  3. My heart goes out to that precious lady. Saying a prayer for her. I thank God He gently, patiently and persistently works our tight areas and opens them up for Him! Great perspective, Barbara!

  4. Barbara, I will keep your mother-in-law in prayers. In the past when I see my grandfather or grandmother in pain, I always wonder if only I know exactly how or where it is hurting, so that I can help them exactly where it hurts, or what not to do. It pained me to watch and not knowing what to do.

    But the final part of your post is comforting and God is there for us. No matter what He will take care of us and our loved ones, and we can cast our cares to him.

  5. Dear Barbara
    This is my first visit to your blog and I am saddened to read of the suffering your mother-in-law is going through. I am just so glad that you are taking care of her now. I suffer from Fm/CFS and it is not easy, but I do know one thing. Before my illness, I also know of God, but now I know Him and that makes it all worthwhile! Praying for your family!
    Blessings XX

  6. Praying for your m-i-l to be able to relax and stretch. I’m guessing that’s what God has also been asking you to do as you care for her daily in your home. It sounds easy on paper but we know it’s not!

    The only broken bone I’ve had was when I slipped on ice, and put my hand down to brace myself (as best as I remember anyway). This is a great post, Barbara. Thanks for sharing.

  7. I am so sad for your mother-in-law, and for you as you ache along with her. I pray that she is able to relax for her upcoming sessions, and that God would relieve her of her pain.

    Welcome to the #TellHisStory community. It’s a privilege to share words with one another.

  8. I have been a caregiver also at one time. I know that while you’re in it the only that matters at times are those ‘to do list’. Praying peace and joy in your life during this season. Thank you for sharing…

  9. Prayers going up for your MIL — poor lady! Like you, I tend to struggle to stifle my “inner Eeyore” and the constant stream of “what if ….”s. Your gym class analogy is a great one. Today, thanks for helping me focus on God and on rolling with it.

  10. The past several days I have been specifically thinking of your MIL and wondering how she was. Glad to see this post and hear where she’s at and what her struggles are. She’s on my mind for a reason, I know! Praying for her and all of you as you work to take care of her.

  11. Thanks for your post…it spoke to me in more ways than one. In fact, I’ve been praying for the Lord to speak to me about a particular situation in my life, and this post was the answer to my prayer. I pray for you, your MIL, and your family during this season of life.

  12. Pingback: A look back at 2013 | Stray Thoughts

  13. Dear Barbara,
    Oh, I needed to hear this reminder today! Especially the Scripture at the end, since my latest lesson connected with #oneword of sufficient is to be patient. Oh how easy it is to grit my teeth and “wait it out” instead of softening into the Lord’s will and finding a true patience. Thank you so much for re-sharing this post!

  14. Pingback: “Let patience have her perfect work” | Stray Thoughts

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