When my youngest son was small, he was a chatty little guy. In fact, sometimes he could talk too much. I didn’t want to squelch his openness with people or his ability to strike up a conversation, as those are valuable traits (which don’t come naturally to me!) But no one wants to be around someone who talks incessantly. Once he was talking to the wife of a visiting missionary family at church who was trying to soothe a fussy baby and graciously step away from him. He kept chatting merrily on, unaware that she was trying to escape. When I tried to suggest that perhaps he was talking a little too much, he flashed his bright smile and said, “That’s just the way God made me.”

“Well,” I thought, “What do I say to that?”

After a while the Lord did bring to mind a few principles to share with him, such as the fact that God made us to eat, yet it is wrong to eat too much or the wrong things; God made us to sleep, but warns against loving sleep too much and being lazy, etc. He gives us responsibility to use our natural bent and inclinations in the right way. We talked about the warning signs that you’re talking too much — when other people look bored, sleepy, or glazed, or when they’re trying to step away or start another conversation with someone else, etc.

It’s good to know how God made us. The preponderance of books and articles about personality tests and frameworks shows just how interested people are in this topic. Some of us have experienced major frustration trying to fit in a task or even ministry, only to realize later that we weren’t gifted for that position.

I participated in a particular ministry for years without really enjoying it. I thought I was guilty of a bad attitude and needed to pray more. When I was asked to take a different position within that ministry, I suddenly felt as if I had found my niche, and my attitude changed completely. That was one of my first inklings that the way we’re wired has a lot to do with what ministries and tasks we’re best suited for.

But knowing how we’re wired is only half the battle. Here are a few other considerations concerning our personalities and giftings:

We can’t insist on our own way.

I know I am an introvert. For many years introversion was considered negative, but books like Susan Cain’s Quiet: The Power on Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking helped demonstrate that introverts have valuable and needful traits. That book helped me feel at home in my own skin.

But I can’t sit in my corner with a book as much as I’d like to. I can’t always leave greeting visitors at church to others who are better at it. I have to depend on God’s grace when I don’t get what I think I need.

Sometimes we have to extend ourselves outside our comfort zones. Our pastor has said that he’s very spontaneous, but he has learned that his wife and son need a bit of time to mentally change gears from what they’re doing to what he suggests. When we love, live, and work with others who are wired differently, sometimes we have to yield to them or meet them halfway.

When my middle son was in the 6th or 7th grade, he lamented that he studied for spelling tests and yet still received disappointing grades. A classmate hardly studied at all and yet made A’s. I explained that everyone has an aptitude for certain areas, and this friend obviously had an aptitude for spelling. My son brightened, thinking that since he didn’t have a natural aptitude for spelling, he didn’t have to worry about it. I had to say, no, that doesn’t mean you don’t have to work on your spelling: in fact, in means you have to work harder!

We have weaknesses directly related to our gifts.

As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, every strength has an offsetting weakness. An acquaintance is very much a take-charge person. When there’s a crisis, when no one know what to do first, this man is great to have around. He knows just what to do, how to organize tasks and people. But not every situation calls for leadership. When he tries to use those same skills when they’re not needed, he just comes across as controlling.

I used to really struggle under the leadership of someone who was an “idea guy.” When he overlooked something that caused problems, frustrations, more work, etc., for the people under him, he’d just smile and say, “You’ll have to forgive me, I’m not good with details. I’m just not wired that way.” I’ve heard someone apologize for an angry outburst by saying, “I’m sorry, I just have a bad temper.” I’ve known people who think they have the spirituals gifts of prophesy or exhortation to harshly lambast a person or movement (and take great pleasure in doing so), forgetting that “the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth” (II Timothy 2:24-25).

We need to keep growing

No matter what our gifts are, we’re still tainted by a sin nature. We’re not perfect yet. God needs to keep refining us and developing us. We rest in Christ for our righteousness and salvation. But we can’t rest on past laurels or victories or even our gifts. The devil doesn’t rest in trying to trip us up or distract us. To keep growing, we need to keep abiding and keep letting God cultivate us and prune us.

And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, (Philippians 1:9)

Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more.

Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, for that indeed is what you are doing to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more. (1 Thessalonians 4:1, 9-10)

Sometimes God calls us to a task outside our natural gifts.

Moses felt he could not lead or speak, yet God did not accept any of his excuses. Jeremiah said, “Ah, Lord GOD! behold, I cannot speak: for I am a child. But the LORD said unto me, ‘Say not, I am a child: for thou shalt go to all that I shall send thee, and whatsoever I command thee thou shalt speak’” (Jeremiah 1:6-7). We think of the apostle Paul as bold and wise, yet he said, “And I was with you in weakness, and in fear, and in much trembling. And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man’s wisdom.” But he goes on to say he ministered “in demonstration of the Spirit and of power: that your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God” (I Corinthians 2:3-5).

Sometimes God uses people in the ways they seem to be bent, but other times He calls them to do something that doesn’t come naturally to them to show His power and His grace through them. While taking care of my mother-in-law a few years ago, I wrote in Rethinking Spiritual Gifts:

Someone I knew said of their daughter, who was training to be a nurse, that she was a “natural caregiver.” Another friend who is a nurse spoke of loving to use the talents God had given her to minister to people in that way—another natural caregiver. That’s not me. I want people to be cared for, particularly my mother-in-law. But I have never been good with or felt inclined to the hands-on type of caregiving she is in need of now, except with my own children.

Yet here we are. Do I tell God, “There must be some mistake. Not only am I not gifted for this, but it’s keeping me from what I feel I am gifted for.” Probably not a good idea. Spiritual gift tests can sometimes foster a “That’s not my job” syndrome when we’re asked to do something outside of our comfort zone.

Though we need to rely on God’s help, grace, and strength even for those areas where we feel He has gifted us, there’s nothing like being totally out of our element to make us lean on Him and plea for His enabling like never before. And though the main point of caregiving isn’t about me, but rather about showing love and ministering to my mother-in-law, perhaps one reason He has allowed this opportunity is to teach me lessons about my own selfishness as well as serving and loving others in the way they most need it, not in the way I am “comfortable” showing it.

The person who is not good with details is not excused from having to deal with them; in fact, he may have to work harder to handle them, or hire an assistant to help him. The person with a bad temper is not allowed to give it free reign because he can’t help himself. The shy or introverted person has to extend herself sometimes, even though it’s uncomfortable. Even spiritual gifts such as exhortation or mercy or giving have to be kept in balance. A person whose gift is giving for example, can’t run his family into debt or neglect their needs to give to others. He is responsible to exercise that gift in conjunction with other Scriptural instruction under God’s leadership. Scripture contains several passages of instruction concerning how to exercise spiritual gifts.

Understanding they way we’re “wired” does help us to know what direction to go in life, what ministries or vocations to choose, etc. For instance, I am not good with numbers: I can add the same list of numbers up three times and get three different answers—even with a calculator. So I would not look for a job as an accountant. I get rattled in a busy, noisy environment, so I wouldn’t likely work best there—as a teen I lasted working for a fast-food place for only a week.

Whether dealing with a sin issue, a personality bent, or even a spiritual gift, “That’s just the way I am” is not a good excuse. God wants us to seek Him for deliverance from the power of sin, for power and grace to maintain right balances and to be diligent even in areas where we don’t have natural gifts, and for help to grow continually more Christlike every day we live. He does not want us to remain “just the way we are.” “But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord” (II Corinthians 3:18). We’re changed by beholding Him.

(Revised from the archives)

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