We all have trouble with self-control in some areas: eating habits, overspending, wasting time, cutting remarks, flares of temper, etc. We’ve had enough experience trying to correct those issues that we know willpower alone doesn’t conquer them.

As Christians, we know self-control is one part of the fruit of the Holy Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22-23. So if we’re struggling with anger, we pray for the Spirit’s help and control. Then five minutes later, we find ourselves ranting at the driver who cut us off in traffic or the computer that mysteriously isn’t working right.

So what happened?

Peter tells us, “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence” (2 Peter 1:3). He has already given us “all things that pertain to life and godliness.” How? “By which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire” (verse 4). Then, “For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith . . . with self-control” (among other things, verses 5-6).

“Make every effort” doesn’t mean we try to drum up our own righteousness. That’s impossible. That’s why Jesus died for us, so that He could take on our unrighteousness and grant us His righteousness when we repent of our sin and trust in Him for salvation. But it’s because He did this that we have “all things that pertain to life and godliness.”

I tend to want to figure out where the lines are, what’s God’s part and what’s my part, what’s the formula? But God doesn’t usually work by way of formulas. Somehow He works in us “to will and to do of His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). But He doesn’t expect us to be passive. He uses means to accomplish His will in us.

We need to recognize and correct the lies we tell ourselves and take responsibility for our actions and reactions. Often we blame other people (“If he hadn’t said this, I would not have been tempted to say that”). Or we blame circumstances (“I was busy and missed lunch, so those doughnuts were irresistible”).

We need to change our thinking so it lines up with His. Romans 12:2 tells us, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.”

We might feel like we just can’t help ourselves. But God says, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13). We need to pray that God will help us look for the way of escape rather than an excuse to indulge.

We need to yield to God instead of insisting on our right to our own way: “Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God” (Romans 6:13, KJV).

We need to abide in Him, because without Him we can do nothing. (John 15:1-5).

We spend much time in Scripture, which “is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

We behold Him in His Word. 2 Corinthians 3:18 says: “But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.”

When self is screaming for its own way, we need to remember Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23).

We may need to make some determinations, like David did in Psalm 101:2-3: “I will walk with integrity of heart within my house; I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless.” I used to be against making resolutions, because they seemed like setting ourselves up for failure, as well as focusing on our own effort. And then I came across 2 Thessalonians 1:11: “To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power.” Every resolve for good. But relying on God’s power, not my own.

I think of God’s part and my part something like what the children of Israel did in the Old Testament. Sometimes God supernaturally defeated their enemies. But usually, they had to pick up their swords and fight. They learned from sad experience that they only won when God was with them and they were relying on Him.

I think it is similar for us. Sometimes God will seemingly instantly deliver us from a wrong desire or habit. But often it takes prayer and relying on God’s Word and help to make any headway. And since self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, and fruit takes time to grow, it may take time for us to gain victory in a given area.

Another way I think of these things is what happened when Jesus told the lame man to walk or the man with a withered hand to stretch it out. Both of them could have said, “That’s the very thing I cannot do.” But they obeyed–and in the process, God gave the strength to do His will. I usually want to “feel” strengthened before I obey–but often He gives strength as we obey.

May God give us wisdom, grace, and strength as we rely on His work in us and cooperate with His working outward through us.

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This post was inspired by an excellent chapter on discipline and self-control in True Woman 201: Interior Design: Ten Elements of Biblical Womanhood by Mary Kassian and Nancy Leigh DeMoss (now Wolgemuth). Our ladies Bible study at church is going through this book, which is based on Titus 2:1-5.

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