Our oldest son was just here for about ten days. Though saying good-bye was not as intense as the first time he left the nest, it never gets any easier.
My blog and Facebook feeds have been filled with posts about sending a child off to college. For some it’s the first major separation, greater than the first sleepover or week of camp. That first extensive step away from home as adult offspring, whether to college or some other venue, heralds the time when our kids will fully leave the nest behind and start their own homes, families, careers, and traditions.
It’s one thing when our adult children are going to people or places where we have every reason to trust they’ll be safe and continue to grow spiritually. It’s another thing when we have serious reservations about their pathway.
Monica, the mother of Augustine, is famous for praying faithfully for her son’s salvation. At one point, he decided to go to Rome. Monica felt Rome would not be good for him. She pleaded with him not to go, so much so that Augustine eventually lied to her and then slipped away. But it was in Rome that Augustine met friends who were able to help him along in his understanding so that eventually he did come to the Lord.
Augustine wrote, “And what was it, O Lord, that she was asking of thee in such a flood of tears but that thou wouldst not allow me to sail? But thou, taking thy own secret counsel and noting the real point to her desire, didst not grant what she was then asking in order to grant to her the thing that she had always been asking.”
That comforts me when my children want to go to unknown places with unknown people. God knows the places He has prepared for them and the people He wants them to meet.
When my kids were home, it was my nightly routine to check on them before I went to bed. When they were babies, I’d look for the rise and fall of their chests or place a hand on their backs to make sure they were breathing.
In their boyhood, I’d find them sprawled in all sorts of configurations on their beds, covers tangled or on the floor.
As they got older, I wouldn’t actually open their doors any more while they slept. But I was comforted to know they were home safe in their own beds. When they were out, I’d stay up (or at least dozing out on the couch) until they got home. Then I could rest at ease.
But when they step out into their own adult lives, we don’t have that mother hen satisfaction of having everyone safely home under our roof.
It’s a big adjustment.
But it’s also a good reminder. Our care, though heartfelt and intense, is limited. God’s care is not.
I don’t delve much into poetry, but these thoughts inspired a poem a few years ago. It’s not perfect, but I offer it to you in hopes it might be a comfort.
A Mother’s Nightly Ritual
Before a mother goes to bed
She checks each little downy head,
Places a hand on back or chest
Of each sleeping child at rest,
Making sure that all is well
Before succumbing to sleep’s spell.
As children grow and youth abounds,
Yet Mother still must make her rounds.
She can not rest at ease until
Her little ones are calm and still,
Safely tucked into their beds,
Then softly to her own she treads.
From childhood into youth they grow,
And she waits up until she knows
They’re settled safe and sound at home
Til the next day when they roam.
Though now they stay up long past her,
She can’t rest til they’re home, secure.
Her birds fly later from her sight.
Their beds are empty now at night.
She cannot check the rise and fall
Of sleeping breaths within her walls.
Yet she trusts they’re safely kept
By Him who never once has slept.
Though now they sleep beyond her care,
They never move beyond her prayer.
Her nightly vigil now is to
Trust them to the same One Who
Watched o’er Jacob while he roamed,
And kept him safe though far from home.
Barbara Harper
Copyright 2010
(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)
Stray Thoughts 
Your post brings all those emotions up for me again. Somehow, I never envisioned motherhood extending into the adult years of our kids! It certainly does, though. I can’t tell you how often during the night I’ve awakened and felt led to pray for one or more of mine. Especially when they live many states away and we have a more limited picture of their day-to-day, I find myself led to prayer for them and to trusting God myself. I love the poem! Verse 4 brought tears to my eyes.
It’s funny how these emotions can surge sometimes even when they’ve been out of the nest for years. I’ve had many of those nighttime prayer sessions, too.
My husband and I continue to pray for our son, daughter-in-love, and our two grandchildren. We also pray for the neighborhood children and all children. At every stage of life, prayer is important. 🙂 Have a blessed Sunday!
That’s very true. We need prayer every day for everything.
Oh this poem is wonderful!! I had tears in my eyes. As you know I am a recent full time empty nester and retired teacher…so two huge changes in one school year. I pray DAILY and often more than once daily for my two girls. Although both live within 5 and 20 min of Dave and I, I still entrust them to God. I pray they find godly, spirit filled mates, I pray for their careers and choices of friends, etc etc. Our parenting never ends…it just changes. Thank you for this wonderful post!
Thanks so much, Faith. That’s so true that parenting changes but doesn’t end. There is a lot I like about parenting adult children. But I do often miss having them all under one roof.
I’m sure it’s no surprise that I love this, Barbara. That quote by Augustine is profound. I need to remember those words as I pray, “not my will, but yours be done,” for both my girls. God knows exactly what each of them need at every moment. And such comfort in this: “She trusts they’re safely kept by Him who never once has slept.”
Augustine’s situation has been a help to me, too. One of mine is talking about moving across the country or to Canada to be with friends, which would place him the farther away of the three boys. I’m praying that won’t happen but trusting God has a purpose for it if it does.
I hear you Barbara, it does get easier though as time goes on especially when they meet their spouses & have their own families. God has them in His hands.
Visiting from Anita’s table today where we’re sitting next to each other 🤗,
Blessings, Jennifer
There are a lot of fun things about having adult children–like grandchildren! 🙂 And my husband and I have grown to enjoy our quiet evenings. God keeps them in much better care than I ever could, but I still sometimes miss that daily watching over them and knowing what’s going on in their day-to-day lives.
Loved this reminder to trust our children to the Lord’s keeping at every stage of parenting, and it brought back so many memories of that whole process of letting our kids grow up. Your poem expresses it so well, and I especially loved the story of Augustine and his mother – that God didn’t answer her prayer about Rome in order to answer the real heartbeat of her prayers for his salvation.
Augustine’s situation helps me as our kids roam to places I’m not sure about. I pray He’ll bring people across their paths that will help them in their relationship with Him.
Such a sweet post Ms. Barbara. Dad’s had similar routines, or at least this dad did. Letting them stand on their own (e.g., first steps, letting go of that bicycle seat, college, dating, etc.) is never easy, but we can find peace in knowing we gave them the best we had to offer and we hope that Christ gives them the solid foundation upon which they can build a life worth living. God’s blessings ma’am.
It does seem like, from the very beginning, we’re training them to stand on their own two feet, literally and spiritually. That’s as it should be–we need to train them to operate without us, since we won’t always be here. And the older I get, the more my parenting failures come to mind. I trust God will make up for them, and I’m thankful His care is perfect and complete and unfailing.
A wonderful quote from Augustine! We do have to release our children to God’s guidance–I am still learning that even though each of my children are now married with children of their own. They are in my prayers.
It’s a continual process, isn’t it? And it’s extended when we have grandchildren, having to trust God for them, too. Thankfully, He is totally trustworthy.
Thank you for the comforting words, Barbara. I worry so about my last one. She has “gone to Rome” so to speak ——a bit like Augustine. She slipped away in a quiet, deceitful way. She is beyond my care, but not beyond the Lord’s!!
That’s a comfort to me, too–we might not say as much as when they were younger, because we don’t want to “push” or pry. But we can always pray.
Barbara, this is such a beautifully heartfelt message. I found resonating encouragement within.
Visiting today from Anita’s
True of our children … and now of our grandchildren. This releasing can be a hard task … but the One we are releasing them to in not a bit daunted or overwhelmed.
Oh yes, God continues to watch our children even when they roam. How comforting that is when they no longer sleep in beds in our (mother’s) homes!
Your poem is so powerful and brings back floods of memories of our own two children, now adults with their own babies to guard. Although they have their own families, they are ALL, our children, SIL and DIL and the grandkids will always remain in our prayers daily.
Thank you for sharing your links with us at #276 SSPS Linky. See you again next week.
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This is so inspiring to hear and the poem is bringing back many memories.
Your beautiful poem capture motherhood perfectly, Barbara! Thanks for sharing it with us!
Love the poem, especially the last verse.
Parenthood really forces you to put your money where your mouth is. It’s an ongoing opportunity to increase your faith.
Barbara,
I just dropped me girl at the university for her freshman year and was actually nauseous. The letting go proves difficult. I’m grateful He always hears our prayers no matter how old our children grow.
Thank you for your lovely post and poem!
Blessings,
Tammy
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