The Bible tells us older folks to mentor, teach, and be an example to younger people.Though I’ve never had a formal mentoring relationship with an older woman, I have been blessed by the testimony, example, and encouragement from women just ahead of my own life situation. Sometimes a passing remark from one of them has stayed with me for days, even years.
Now being in the “older” category myself, I understand concerns about trends in our world today.
It’s good for older people to share from their experience or express their opinions. But how we share our concerns is as important as what we share.
I’ve winced at memes on social media from older people extolling the ways life was superior “back in our day.” But I wonder if we realize how that sentiment comes across. Some might be meant as a joke, but many have a bite to them.
I think those kinds of posts either make people roll their eyes or get defensive. These memes can come across as condescending or finger-wagging, causing unnecessary offense.
Before we post such memes, here are some things that might be good to consider:
We did many things differently from our parents’ generation, didn’t we? So why would we be surprised when the next generation does as well?
Our view of “our day” may not even be correct. We tend to wax nostalgic, reframing the good and forgetting the bad.
We need to remember the struggles we had as younger women–the feeling that we’re failing at motherhood, at life in general, that we’ll never catch up or measure up.
Sometimes the issues some like to gripe about reflect cultural changes that aren’t good or bad in themselves.
For one example, a particular meme said something catchy (though I have forgotten how it was worded) about how we survived without taking water bottles or to-go coffee cups with us everywhere.
My first thought was, “So . . . what’s so bad about that?” So people like to bring their drink of choice with them. Is that a character flaw?
Another meme (or maybe the same one) went on to decry the bringing of our beverages into church. However, some people may think it makes for a more hospitable atmosphere to bring beverages. Many churches have coffee brewing and offer to-go cups from before Sunday school until after the morning service. Some of us who have physical problems like postnasal drip, with its frequent throat-clearing, or dry mouth, call less attention to ourselves and distraction for others by being able to take a sip rather than having to go out to the water fountain during a service.
I’ve known people adamantly opposed to bringing food or beverages into the sanctuary. But this is a cultural rather than a biblical issue. Churches didn’t have sanctuaries in Bible times. They met in homes, where there well might have been something to drink. There’s nothing sinful about carrying beverages with us, even bringing them into church.
It’s true we might not understand some of the practices of younger folks. And our practices might even actually be better. I’ve seen memes about phone usage and discipline that I actually agreed with. But the sarcastic tone didn’t invite dialogue or conversation.
Instead of ridiculing or talking down to younger women, let’s edify them. Instead of sharing what we think of as our better ways, let’s share from our own failures and faults how the Lord gave us grace and helped us overcome. Let’s encourage them that God loves them and wants them to draw close to Him and seek His help. His grace is always available in times of need. Let’s look for the positive and the well-meaning intentions to praise. Let’s tell them they are doing a good job when they are and pray for them when they need help. Let’s make our speech healthful rather than stabbing.
Isaiah foretold of the Servant of the Lord, Jesus, “The Lord GOD has given me the tongue of those who are taught, that I may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary. Morning by morning he awakens; he awakens my ear to hear as those who are taught” (Isaiah 50:4). May we meet each day with Him, learn of His truth and character, and share with others in humility and love. May our words–and memes–be full of grace.
(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)
Stray Thoughts 
Thank you for this thoughtful commentary, Barbara. Memes like those you mention make me wince sometimes, too. They are quick and often mean spirited barbs that leave no room for open dialogue. I have been lucky recently to become friends with several young women (decades younger than me!), and they are delightful. We learn from each other and I am so impressed with their devotion to their families and the entire community.
I agree, learning between the generations is a wonderful two-way street. They have so many different things to deal with than we did.
They do! I love coming together in love and support.
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One thing I remember well from my days as a young mother was how precious it was to have an older woman take an interest in knowing me as a person, and those who did that were able to share help and advice with me in a loving way that I valued. I did not value the words of the know-it-alls who talked down to me. So I’ve tried to take that insight with me as I’ve become one of the “older women” – nothing I may have learned or think I know will have value if it’s not shared within a relationship of genuine caring. Your words are a reminder I need, and we all need, to not think of ourselves more highly than we ought, but to always practice humility and mutual submission within the Body of Christ.
Formal mentoring was not a thing in my younger years, but so many older women spoke into my life and influenced me. Some of the incidents I remember most occurred when the other women weren’t specifically trying to say something “helpful”–they just spoke out of the overflow of their own relationship with God. That both convicts and encourages me as as “older woman” now.
I think of my 25-year-older friend and former work colleague, who through the years right up to today has only been encouraging of and interested in me. She has had a lot of influence on my life, thoughts, etc. It motivates me to want to be that person to younger women, as God brings them into my path. I can also think of a few “sour” older women and I definitely don’t look up to them. It’s so easy when something strikes us as “wrong” about the younger generation to throw out negativity about them, often without thinking of the impact our words could have. Thanks for a wonderful reminder, Barbara!
I think some honestly believe they’re being helpful by pointing out what they see as wrong–but the negativity and condescension hinders their message. Plus, they might be wrong in their views as well. How we need God’s love and discernment to fill us and flow out of us.
This is a wonderful perspective, Barbara. I am so thankful for the older, more experienced women God has placed in my life over the years. Every friendship is different, of course, but these friends all had (have) the gifts of listening and sharing honestly from their lives.
I really like this post.
I’m fortunate to have had, since 2005, an older women as a spiritual mentor. I’ve taught her about being more spontaneous and flexible and she’s taught ME about true intercessory prayer and how to pray Scriptures over someone/for someone. she’s 6 years older than me, and definitely more spiritually mature in many ways. One thing she admitted to me once was that she has learned about convictions vs preferences vs Core Biblical truths from me but I credit our church for that as our senior pastor stresses this all throughout the year and you have to learn the model (3 circles) to become a covenant member (one of the things you have to learn I mean. The inner circle is the smallest: Core Biblical truths. The next one is a bit wider Convictions and the last (your drinks example in the sanctuary falls here) is even wider and is preferences. I’m blessed to have this friend in my life and I love that we can learn from each other.
This was a great post! I consistently want to view life from a “Norman Rockwell” perspective, so I have to sometimes work at being open minded about things. Things change. Culture changes. So I think it behooves some of us older ladies to at least try to see the younger perspective. And I’ve learned a few things along the way!
This is such a good post, Barbara, and a wonderful reminder for us all. I wouldn’t be considered in the “older” group quite yet, but I do have generations behind me. I’ve caught myself many times.
I am in my 70s so yes, I’ve seen the world from a different perspective than the younger generation, but I am hopeful that they will live their lives and contribute to our country well. I see my grandchildren and their friends being good people with dreams of helping others–they are full of compassion and know of .Jesus’ teachings pf “love one another.”
Such a good post with thoughtful guides for us as older women. I’m currently in a position such as you have mentioned and I appreciate your reminders that each generation does things a bit differently than the previous one. Now I have something more to think about. 🙂 Thank you, Friend.
A good word to remind us how our words—and memes—impact others. Yesterday, a friend said her children have told her not to keep talking about how much better it was when she was their age, because this is the culture they’ve been given to live in. Jesus can handle the generational differences and will give us grace for whatever time we find ourselves.
I lOVE your post!!! Amen!!! We can’t be heard when we’re complaining. There’s no need to whine and complain as if life was perfect back then…
I’m entering a Titus 2 mentoring year at my church. It’s very exciting even as we begin a new Young Adult service at our church. Us olders can serve at this Young Adult service, but it is for 20 & 30 year olds. I can’t wait to learn something new.
Amen!! We can’t be heard if we’re complaining. I want to learn new things. 🌸🌿I LOVE your post. Thank you
Helpful, and well written. Thanks, Barb.