If you have hearing problems at all…

Posted on July 14, 2008 by Barbara Harper

…I urge you to get the very best hearing aids within your means.

If someone is totally or partially deaf, of course, loved ones will need to learn sign language or whatever else is needed to communicate. If everything has been done that can be done, then others will need to work to around the hearing loss as best they can.

I have known some women to get teary and sensitive at the thought of having some hearing deficiencies. I don’t know if it is due to dismay at the reality of a body that is beginning to lose its functions or if they sense a bit of a stigma associated with hearing aids, or what.

But when you obviously can’t hear well and you don’t want to investigate hearing aids, it makes your family feel that you don’t care to hear them.

It’s not enough to just ask people to speak up. If you think you would feel conspicuous with a hearing aid, think how much more conspicuous it is to have people practically shouting in order for you to hear them, or to give an answer that makes it obvious that you didn’t hear what was said.

Also, sometimes people with hearing problems cut themselves off from opportunities or social interaction because of difficulty hearing. Why do so when their are solutions at hand?

No, this post isn’t about my mother-in-law. She has worn a hearing aid for decades and has accepted that she needs one. She does tend to get to a comfortable status quo, though, and doesn’t want to change anything, even if it would mean improvement in hearing and in comfort. She also doesn’t like to spend money. True, hearing aids aren’t cheap, but they are a worthy investment.

No, this post is more general, in response to people I have known or accounts I have read. If someone is suggesting that you might want to check into hearing aids, or into getting new ones, you’ve probably already been missing out on conversations and interactions without realizing it. Take the suggestion and look at it not as a reason for sorrow or shame, but rather as an opportunity to improve your quality of life and theirs. Your loved ones want to communicate with you. And they want you to want to communicate with them.

A mother’s nightly ritual

Posted on July 13, 2008 by Barbara Harper

Mother’s Little Angel

by Norman Rockwell

Courtesy of imagekind

I inadvertently began a nightly ritual when my firstborn son was a baby which has continued with some changes to this day. Before going to bed for the night, I would check on him to make sure everything was all right, watch the rise and fall of his chest for a few moments, perhaps even lay a hand on his back or chest to reassure myself he was breathing and he was all right. I expanded my rounds with each new child. As they grew, I would smile at their tousled hair and and relaxed sprawl and pull the covers back up to their shoulders.

Some time during the teen years they began closing their bedroom doors at night, but there was still a settled feeling knowing everyone was home, safely tucked in for the night. When they became active in their youth group or started working outside the home, I don’t think I ever went to bed before they came home. I may have fallen asleep on the couch, but I couldn’t rest easily until I heard them come in.

But the days came and then multiplied when they didn’t come home for the night, and passing by their empty bedrooms caused a bit of a pang to the heart. First sleepovers for a night, then camp for a week, then mission trips with the youth group for several days more, then working away from home for a whole summer, then going to college for a whole semester. The day will come when they will have their own homes, and these beds will remain empty except for brief visits. I’ll no longer be able to check on them at night or to know that they are safely tucked in, or to go to bed with that settled feeling that all is well for another night.

But I can entrust them to the One who never sleeps, who watched over the wandering Jacob when he left his home and guided him on his way. They will be beyond my sight and care, but never His. His power to keep both body and soul has always been beyond mine, but whereas for over two decades I have been able to watch over them and see that they are fine, soon I will have to walk by faith and not by sight in this aspect of life as well as all others.

And so my nightly ritual will change. Instead of going room by room in my house until I am settled in my own, I can pray for each child in my heart, trusting Him to keep a watchful, loving eye on us all.

(Updated to add: I put these thoughts in poem form here.)

Show and Tell Friday: Mugs

Posted on July 11, 2008 by Barbara Harper

Kelli at There’s No Place Like Home hosts “Show and Tell Friday” asking “Do you have a something special to share with us? It could be a trinket from grade school, a piece of jewelry, an antique find. Your show and tell can be old or new. Use your imagination and dig through those old boxes in your closet if you have to! Feel free to share pictures and if there’s a story behind your special something, that’s even better! If you would like to join in, all you have to do is post your “Show and Tell” on your blog, copy the post link, come over here and add it to Mr. Linky. Guidelines are here.

Several days ago Mama Bear participated in a mug meme, and I thought that was a great idea for Kelli’s Friday Show and Tell.

This is one my my favorites. I believe Jeremy, my oldest, gave it to me.

This is a Dilbert one I got for my husband.

Here is the other side.

The story behind this is that in his job at the time, people could label their requests for the lab “High Priority” if it was indeed high priority and it needed urgent attention. The problem was everyone began labeling their requests high priority in order to get them processed faster, so there was pressure and impatience from every side. I felt bad afterward in that I didn’t want to foster a bad attitude (not that he had one, but I didn’t want to give him one), but we just take it as a joke.

This is one Jim’s mom gave him…

And one from his job. They used to give out mugs for all kinds of things.

This is one from a set that I think my mom gave the kids.

This is one from a set my mom gave Jeremy. It used to have a bowl with a child’s face on it and a plate with feet — when you put it all together it made a little child. This is the only piece left.

This is one I got for Jason when he went in the dorms. I loved the shades in it — they look yellowish here, but it’s kind of a rich milky cocoa shade.

This is another favorite. This is one side:

And this is the other, personalized with my and my sisters’ names. I don’t remember where I got it. It was in a catalog years ago with a choice of the design on a mug, a t-shirt, or a tote bag. I got the mug, two of them got a t-shirt, and two got a tote bag, I think. I don’t use it much any more — the design seemed to be fading and I wanted to preserve it.

This is a mug Jeremy made for Grandma’s 80th birthday last week. This is one side…

And this is the other.

He got the mug from Hobby Lobby and printed a picture from the computer to fit.

And this is from the Pfatlzgraf Tea Rose set that goes with my dishes.

And this is not a mug but my current work-in-progress for Jim’s mom’s room. She likes yellow.

There is no back-stitching yet, which is what really makes the design stand out. I should have it finished next week!

You can see more Show and Tell entries at Kelli’s. I hope you’ll join in! I enjoy visiting the other ladies who participate. Seeing each other’s special things gives us a little glimpse into each other’s personalities.

Books to read before you die

Posted on July 10, 2008 by Barbara Harper

Our main family e-mail account is with AOL, and one of the AOL headlines that caught my eye yesterday was “10 Books to Read Before You Die” based on a popular opinion poll conducted by Netscape. Their list included:

1, Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell.

I really have no desire to read this. Though there were parts of the movie I liked, overall it was the story of a spoiled immature girl growing up into a spoiled immature woman. Not terribly inspiring, to me anyway. But it was cited for the historical accuracy of the era, so that might be worth exploring.

2. Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien.

This I would agree with. There is a richness to the story itself, the vocabulary, the imaginativeness, the quest of good vs. evil.

3. Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling.

I’ve never had an interest in this. I suppose if my boys had been interested I would have explored it. I’ve read many debates by Christians about whether we should read it or not. I’ve got too many other things I am interested in reading to get involved with this, and I am not inclined to read things dealing with the occult, even in fun. That may seem inconsistent with having read Lord of the Rings with its wizards and magic, but the wizards in LOTR were more like superheroes of Middle Earth — I don’t think they did what real witches would do.

4. The Stand by Stephen King.

I am not a Stephen King fan.

5. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown.

I was amazed at how the public flocked to this. I’d recommend The Da Vinci Deception by Erwin Lutzer.

6. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee.

On my TBR list.

7. Angels and Demons by Dan Brown.

This precedes The Da Vinci Code. I’m not really interested in exploring it.

8. Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.

I had never heard of this one. It’s described as “a hymn of praise to the concept of rugged individualism…[the] polemic for Rand’s philosophy of ‘rational self-interest.'” Doesn’t sound like anything I’d be interested in.

9. Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger.

Since it cites “liberal use of profanity, its frank conversations about sex,” I don’t think I’d explore this, either.

10. The Holy Bible.

I was surprised to see this on their list. The reason the site lists is “No book has had more influence on the world. Its pages tell the story of the creation, fall, and redemption of mankind and the coming of Jesus Christ in the Gospels. The Bible contains epic stories of history, heroism, and hope.” I once wrote of reasons to read the Bible here.

My own list of classic “Books To Read Before You Die” would include the following:

1. The Bible.

For reasons mentioned above.

2. Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan

Classic picturesque allegory of the Christian life.

3. Little House on the Prairie series by Laura Ingalls Wilder.

Classic picture of early American homesteading, homemaking, and family values.

4. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens.

Classic English waif in the industrial era, tale of a boy overcoming many odds against him to grow up into a decent human being.

5. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens.

Riveting example of “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).

6. Something by Jane Austen.

My favorite Austen book is Persuasion (my review is here), but probably most people would list Pride and Prejudice as quintessential Austen and the quintessential novel of classic English society and romance.

7. Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe.

Besides a painful picture of the cruelty of slavery, it also represents Uncle Tom, as one former pastor put it, as “the kind of Christian you always wanted to be.”

8. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte.

For many reasons mentioned in an earlier review.

9. At Home in Mitford by Jan Karon.

The Mitford series is a sweet and poignant picture of small town American life. This first book in the series is my favorite.

10. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo.

Classic, beauitful tale of redemption.

I had originally meant to include both Christian books and classics on one list, but I am discovering I have more than enough for two separate lists. So here would be my top ten Christian books to read before you die. The first two in the above list, of course, could also go on this list, but I will leave them where they are:

1. Hudson Taylor: Growth of a Soul by Mr. and Mrs. Howard Taylor.

This is one of the classic missionary biographies. It includes many of Hudson taylor’s own writings as well as the story of his life and faith.

2. Amy Carmichael of Dohnavur by Frank Houghton.

Life story of a remarkable missionary to India.

3. Goforth of China and Climbing by Rosalind Goforth

I can’t begin to express ways in which my heart was touched or lessons learned by reading these books.

4. By Searching and In the Arena by Isobel Kuhn.

I have probably given away more copies of these books than any others. the first is Isobel’s own journey from doubt into faith; the second details certain experiences of her life in which God’s grace and power were on display.

5. To the Golden Shore by Courtney Anderson.

Biography of Adoniram Judson, America’s first missionary. I admire his conviction, his passion, his steadfastness in the face of persecution, his overcoming in the face of loss, pain, and doubts.

6. Winning the Inner War: How To Say No to a Stubborn Habit by Erwin Lutzer, reviewed here.

I’ve read this two or three times, maybe more. It’s a great help in learning to overcome temptation.

7, Changed Into His Image by Jim Berg.

Great resource on how to live the Christian life.

8. The Shaping of a Christian Family by Elisabeth Elliot.

Not a “how-to” guide, but the story of her own family. Wonderful, inspirational examples.

9 Through Gates of Splendour by Elisabeth Elliot.

The first and classic story of the five missionaries speared to death in the early 1960s by what was known then as the Auca Indians, and the subsequent reaching of that tribe with the gospel.

10. Not My Will by Francena Arnold.

One of the first examples of Christian fiction I am aware of and one of the best.

My mind is swirling now with book titles, many more that I could recommend. But these are the best of the best.

How about you? Would your list include any of these? What would you list differently?

Devotions for boys

Posted on July 10, 2008 by Barbara Harper

I saw at Lizzie’s that the Homeschool Freebie of the Day site was offering today a free download of Say Fellas, a devotional book for boys originally published in the Sunday School Times in the 1900s. I am always looking for good devotional material to share with Jesse.

I had never heard of this site, but it looks like they have some great resources.

Lines ‘n Links

Posted on July 9, 2008 by Barbara Harper

Jesse has a tendency to misread things sometimes, and often the result is hilarious. I wish I had written down some of the examples through the years. The other night in the Scripture reading for the devotional book we’re going through, he read “abdominal idolatries.” It usually takes me just a second to realize something doesn’t sound quite right, then it clicked that it should have been “abominable idolatries.” But actually he’s not too far off there…

Monday I was walking around feeling an immense measure of relief, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, figuring it was because it was the first day in at least a couple of weeks that there wasn’t something pressing to be done that day (though, of course, there are always things to be done.) Then I realized that most of the summer travels were over. I mentioned earlier that we were having a lot of coming and going this summer, and most of it occurred in June: Jim and Jeremy were in Brazil for about a week, Jason left to spend the summer in California, Jesse went to Six Flags with his youth group and then spent a week at camp, Jim went to ID to bring his mom back. All in one month! But that’s it except for Jim’s regular travels for work and Jason’s return from CA in August. It feels like summer is just now beginning.

Jim’s mom seems to be doing well adjusting to assisted living. The people there are just wonderful, and she’s appreciating the safety features, like the handrails in various places. She interacts great with the staff and with her tablemates at meals, but she hasn’t ventured out for any activities. I asked the activity director yesterday if it was ok if I came with her to some of those things, and she said it was fine. (There is a lot to this situation that is similar to taking children to school — you want to do whatever you can to help in any way, but you don’t want to embarrass them.) I know if I say, “Do you want to go to the craft activity?” she’ll say no, but if I say, “Let’s go…” she might. We’ll see!

I don’t know if there is anyone who reads here who doesn’t also read Rocks In My Dryer, but Shannon had a great article the other day on Growing Your Traffic for your blog.

Bet at Dappled Things linked to a compelling article about short-term church mission trips. I am appalled that people mentioned there did things like paint the same building six times or built structures that fell down after they left. What an awful testimony to the nationals and what extra trouble for the missionaries there. Our church has had part in several great mission trips, and I have known several missionaries who have benefited from having a team come over for a couple of weeks, but there needs to be a lot of preparatory work with lots of questions asked ahead of time. No one should just go over and jump in without coordinating with someone there what needs to be done, what materials should be used (according to the country you’re going to, not according to what would be done here), when would be good timing for the missionary, etc.

Merriam-Webster has added several new words to its newest dictionary. Some I would have thought would have been included long ago (dirty bomb, dwarf planet, malware); some I had never heard before (edamame, Mondegreen); some I knew the definition of but didn’t know there was a word for the concept (air quotes, infinity pool).

Miss Sandy at Quill Cottage posted a neat book-making tutorial.

I don’t normally have music playing while I am on the computer — my mind can only handle so many venues at one time, and usually reading and comprehending is all I can do at one time. But sometimes when the house is a little too quiet, I enjoy listing to Abiding Radio. It’s wonderful — beautiful sacred music, no talking, no commercials.

Have a great day!

Works-For-Me-Wednesday: Go ahead and get in the picture

Posted on July 8, 2008 by Barbara Harper

Have you ever been trying to take a group picture only to have one of the subjects strongly protest, put a hand in front of her face, or run off? Most people do this because they feel self-conscious. But what they don’t realize is that they are calling even more attention to themselves when they protest or run or make disparaging remarks about themselves. And sometimes they even mar what was intended to be a commemoration of a memorable occasion.

I know sometimes when we see ourselves in a picture, we’re shocked. The image differs from what we see in the mirror. All our flaws seem seem to stand out. But everyone has already been seeing us that way and they still love us. 🙂 And they want the picture because they like you and want to remember you in that way.

After all, when you look over pictures of relatives or special occasions, you’re not looking for super-model subjects, right? You’re looking at people who mean something to you and remembering the good time you had together. That is all that the people who want your picture desire as well.

So go ahead and get in the picture and smile. 😀

That works for everyone.

For more tips each Wednesday see Rocks In My Dryer.

Meme catch-up

Posted on July 7, 2008 by Barbara Harper

I have seen and/or been tagged for a few memes over the past few weeks, and I thought I’d put them all in one post rather than spread them out.

Found this at Linda’s. It’s a challenge for me because, as you know succinct answers are not my forte. But here goes:

1. Where is your cell phone? Purse.
2. Your significant other? Kind.
3. Your hair? Straight.
4. Your mother? Giving.
5. Your father? Angry.
6. Your favorite thing? Chocolate.
7. Your dream last night? None.
8. Your favorite drink? Decaf-tea.
9. Your dream/goal? Pending.
10. The room you’re in? Sunroom.
11. Your church? Friendly.
12. Your fear? Everything…
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Home.
14. Where were you last night? Home.
15. What you’re not? Lithe.
16. Muffins? Apple.
17. One of your wish list items? Sofa.
18. Where you grew up? Texas.
19. The last thing you did? Read.
20. What are you wearing? Dress.
21. Your TV? Off.
22. Your pets? Suzie.
23. Your computer? Active.
24. Your life? Blessed.
25. Your mood? Peaceful.
26. Missing someone? Mom.
27. Your car? Mini-van.
28. Something you’re not wearing? Hat.
29. Favorite store? Michael’s.
30. Your summer? Busy!
31. Like(love) someone? Jim.
32. Your favorite color? Pink.
33. Last time you laughed? Today.
34. Last time you cried? Unsure…
35. Who will repost this? Melli?

I saw this at A Country Girl at Heart a few weeks ago but am just now getting to it:

Name 5 things I do for myself (wasn’t sure if this meant as in not delegating it to someone else or as in personal pleasure, so I included some of each.):

1. Read.
2. Clean.
3. Cook.
4. Crafting.
5. Typing.

Name 5 kind things I do for friends, my children, or partner:

1. Cook.
2. Clean.
3. Laundry.
4. Curl MIL’s hair.
5. Listen.

Name 5 things I’ve done for a stranger:

1. Opened a door.
2. Lent phone.
3. Gave a sandwich.
4. Gave directions.
5. Greeted.

Name 5 hobbies I enjoy:

1. Reading.
2. Cross stitch.
3. Paper crafts (scrapbooking techniques for cards, plaques, other things).
4. Decorating.
5, Writing.

And then a long time ago writer2be tagged me for a 5 Things Meme, and more recently Mog’s Blog tagged me for a shorter version of it. (Please forgive me for taking so long!) Actually I think I have done this or one like it before, but that’s fine.

What were you doing five years ago?

As far as I remember, much the same as what I am doing now: SAHM, active in church and with ladies’ group. I think that was Jason’s first summer away from home, so that was hard.

What are five things on your to-do list for today (not in any particular order)?

1. Read Bible and pray.
2. Visit MIL.
3. Sort through some things to be given away.
4. Clean burner pans on stove top
5. Plan dinner.

What are five snacks you enjoy?

1. Chocolate chip cookies.
2. M&Ms.
3. Peanut butter crackers.
4. Sour cream and onion chips.
5. Brownies.

What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?

1. Give a portion to church and someone in need.
2. Finance the college education of one we know who struggles in that regard.
3. Buy new house.
4. Invest.
5. Set up trust funds for each of the kids.

What are five of your bad habits?

Ugh!

1. Eating too much/wrong things (see snacks above).
2. Not taking care of priorities first.
3. Procrastinating.
4. Not exercising.
5. Hesitating til opportunities are past.

What are five places where you have lived?

1. Corpus Christi, TX
2. Taylor, TX
3. Houston, TX
4. Greenville, SC
5. Douglasville, GA

What are five jobs you’ve had?

1. Baby-sitter
2. Librarian
3. Fabric-store sales associate
4. Inventory counter
5. Wife/Mom

I’ll forgo tagging anyone, but grab any of these you’d like to do, and let me know!

(Graphics courtesy of the stock.xchng)

“Why am I still here?”

Posted on July 5, 2008 by Barbara Harper

Last night Jim’s mom was thinking back through all the people in her life who had passed on — parents, husband, sister, cousins — and wondering why the Lord left her here. I tried to reassure her that if God had her here, He had a purpose for her. She grinned and said, “To be an example in suffering?” Then she reassured me that though she had had some tough spots in her life, she wasn’t really suffering, especially as compared to some others.

The conversation reminded me of an article years ago in Frontline magazine called “A Psalm for Old Age” by Esther Talbert. We knew the Talberts: we attended church with them for several years before we moved out of state. Esther’s mother-in-law, Jean, had been one of the sweetest, merriest hearts I had ever known. Then she got Alzheimer’s, and it was so sad to see her standing away from everyone looking confused and uncertain. She was one whose situation caused me to wonder why the Lord let some of His children go through such things instead of taking them on Home. Part of Esther’s article addresses that:

Verse 18 of Psalm 71 says, “Now also when I am old and greyheaded, O God, forsake me not, until I have showed Thy strength unto this generation, and Thy power to every one that is to come.” As a nursing instructor cherished by her students (of whom I was one), Mom imparted to her young charges far more than nursing skills. To many she was a surrogate mother and spiritual counselor who showed the strength and sweetness, the love and faithfulness of the Lord. Now God is using her to show His strength and power—perfected through weakness—to my husband and me.

There is a reason God leaves the elderly and infirm among us, and it is often not for their benefit but for ours. If we are not too busy and self-absorbed, we may learn the qualities of Christ that we lack and that He desires to mold in us, the transformation of character He intends to accomplish in us, by confronting us with their presence and needs. By the time something like Alzheimer’s strikes, God is about done with His earthly work in someone like Mom. “Why, then, does He leave someone to linger like that?” we wonder. His earthly work in Mom is done, but much of His earthly work in us and others, through Mom, is just beginning. He strengthens us daily to love and care for her. In the gentle rebuke of His mercy, He is molding and changing us—revealing our selfishness, unfolding His fifth commandment in new ways. Only as I myself am moldable will God’s power, in my turn, shine through me to “this generation and . . . to every one that is to come.”

Romans 8:17-18 says, “And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” Some day that glory will outshine everything else, even the trials of this life that loomed so large at the time.

Happy Independence Day!

Posted on July 4, 2008 by Barbara Harper

From a letter John Adams wrote to his wife Abigail on July 3, 1776, sharing his thoughts about celebrating Independence Day, with the original spelling:

The Second Day of July 1776, will be the most memorable Epocha, in the History of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more.

You will think me transported with Enthusiasm but I am not. I am well aware of the Toil and Blood and Treasure, that it will cost Us to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these States. Yet through all the Gloom I can see the Rays of ravishing Light and Glory. I can see that the End is more than worth all the Means. And that Posterity will tryumph in that Days Transaction, even altho We should rue it, which I trust in God We shall not.

(Graphic courtesy of Snapshots of Joy)