Category Archives: Ministry

Poetry Friday: Grandmother’s Beatitudes

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I liked this when I first saw it in Elisabeth Elliot’s March/April 2003 newsletter, but it means even more now that my mother-in-law has moved near us. I have seen it in some places as “Grandmother’s Beatitudes,” other places as “Beatitudes for friends of the aged.”

Blessed are those who understand
My faltering step and palsied hand.

Blessed are those who know that my ears today
Must strain to catch the things they say.

Blessed are those who seem to know
That my eyes are dim and my wits are slow.

Blessed are those who looked away
When coffee spilled at table today.

Blessed are those with a cheery smile
Who stop to chat for a little while.

Blessed are those who never say,
“You’ve told that story twice today.”

Blessed are those who know the ways
To bring back memories of yesterdays.

Blessed are those who make it known
That I’m loved, respected, and not alone.

Blessed are those who know I’m at a loss
To find the strength to carry the Cross.

Blessed are those who ease the days
On my journey Home in loving ways.

– Esther Mary Walker

Poetry Friday is hosted this week by author amok.

Site-seeing

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Thanks to those who prayed for my family in Texas through Ike’s onslaught. They lost power around 2 a.m. the night it hit, but otherwise had no damage. I don’t know yet if the power has been restored — I haven’t been able to get in contact with them since Saturday morning, so that may be one indication they haven’t.

I wanted to share some interesting posts I’ve found recently:

How to help a family in a medical emergency at Adventures In Daily Living, HT to Rocks In My Dryer. Excellent advice.

How Christan Women Can Mentor and Be Mentored.

Books Build Character by The Common Room. Yet another excellent reason to read.

The Common Room has also been keeping up with several posts detailing the media feeding frenzy since Sarah Palin was named McCain’s running mate. It’s just amazing.

Semicolon has lots of links and resources to say Goodbye to Summer, Hello Autumn.

I found TipNut via Susan at By Grace. This post shares several 25 household tips. Some are outdated, like the one about cords on packages — I don’t think the Post Office allows cords or twine any more, do they? But most are really good. I’ve enjoyed subscribing and getting tips every day ranging from household tasks to craft ideas, like this one about organizing craft supplies and sewing rooms, and this thumb pincushion looks sooo handy.

Sew, Mama, Sew! has a great tutorial on sewing lined curtains, just in time! I hope to start mine this week. There is also one for cut-out curtains — embellishing plain panel curtains with designs cut out from other fabrics.

Here are some other neat crafty ideas:

This quilted potholder looks like a great way to try beginning quilting, as well as tying together a color scheme.

The cutest doorstop I have ever seen.

Christmas mitten ornaments out of felt.

A button/toile reversible heart ornament (the bottom half of the page).

A lovely and a little different fall centerpiece from Hydrangea Home.

Finally, I have been remiss in acknowledging the kindness of blog friends who have sent awards my way.

Carolyn at Talk to Grams gave me this Proximidade award. “To translate the gift from Portuguese to English, it means:”This blog invests and believes, the proximity” [meaning, that blogging makes us ‘close’ -being close through proxy] How awesome is that?? They all are charmed with the blogs, where in the majority of its aims are to show the marvels and to do friendship; there are persons who are not interested when we give them a prize, and then they help to cut these bows; do we want that they are cut, or that they propagate? Then let’s try to give more attention to them! So with this prize we must deliver it to 8 bloggers that in turn must make the same thing and put this text.”

I clicked back through several links trying to discover where this originated, but gave up after a while. It evidently began with someone who speaks Portuguese. 🙂

I’m going to pass this on to Alice, Jen, Susan, Susanne, Bet, Lizzie, Ann, and Melli. I know a couple of these ladies don’t “do” awards, but I still want to acknowledge them.

Mindy passed along this award:

Thanks Mindy! I passed this along to others a while back, so i won’t do so now.

Alice gave me this Super Commenter award:

as well as this bunch of tulips:

Mama Bear gave me this:

I’d like to pass this one on to Janet at Across the Page, Kelli at There’s No Place Like Home, Ivory Spring and Cindy Lou at Skip to My Lou.

Thank you all so much for thinking of me! You are very kind! Forgive me for taking too long to acknowledge some of these.

And now I think I am caught up! Have a good Monday!

Tone makes a difference

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Recently I came across something written by a woman for women for the purpose of helping women, the content of which was excellent, but the tone was quite harsh.

I don’t know about other people, but a harsh tone tends to put me off and make the message hard to receive even when I know it is good. What does tend to draw me in is a coming-alongside, desiring-to-help attitude.

I don’t mean that we should be namby-pamby, cowardly, and spineless, or sacrifice truth under the guise of “love.” I know some of the prophets in Scripture could seem pretty harsh in their denunciations. But some of the tenderest expressions of God’s love and care are also found in those messages from the prophets. “The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee” (Jeremiah 31:3) and “Is Ephraim my dear son? is he a pleasant child? for since I spake against him, I do earnestly remember him still: therefore my bowels are troubled for him; I will surely have mercy upon him, saith the LORD” (Jeremiah 31:20) are just a couple.

I know in my own life, before salvation, realizing that I deserved hell all made me see my need. And though perhaps it was the fear of hell that drove me to seek deliverance, it was the grace and love of God that drew me to Him. Since then, holding up the standard of God’s Word and the realization that I have missed the mark and that I need to get something right with Him convicts me, but the knowledge that “we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities” and the invitation to therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 15:16) draws me.

One of my children in particular who seemed most to “need,” by his actions, scolding and reprimand, would just close up and withdraw when I “let him have it” verbally. It not only didn’t change his behavior, it put a wall between us. I had to learn to balance dealing with the issue and showing love, care and concern. Other times a harsh scolding produces a defensive reaction.

I also had to learn that exasperation (which can often lead to that kind of harsh attitude) is often a fleshly response: I’m irritated that this is still going on, that I have to deal with it again, that the child doesn’t “know better” and hasn’t “gotten” it by now. How unlike God, whose mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). How unlike the “wisdom that is from above” which “is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy” (James 3:17).

We need to be careful, too, in any kind of mentoring situation that we don’t approach it with an eye-rolling, exasperated, “Young people these days!” kind of attitude. That is sure to turn others off to any good we might want to do them. And we need to remember the purpose: when we have to deal with an issue, whether with a child, an employee, a committee member, or the general public in a book, blog, or talk, the purpose for dealing with the issue is not just to “get it off our chests.” That’s one sure way to come across as “scolding.” The purpose is to get them to see the importance of the issue and to change, not for our personal satisfaction, but for the stake of the truth we’re presenting.

Once I was listening to a sermon on the radio from a local pastor. I knew of him, I had read his books, I agreed with what he was preaching…yet at the end of it, something bothered me, and I couldn’t figure out what at first. Then I realized his main message, hammered over and over, was, “You need to get right.” Nothing wrong with that message: we do. But my own pastor at the time, whose ministry I was under for over fourteen years, would have said, “We need to get right” and then “There’s hope: here’s how to get right.” Though my pastor was one of the godliest men I have ever known, he, like Daniel (Daniel 9:1-19) and Ezra (Ezra 9), though they had not participated in Israel’s sin, yet they took their place with Israel and confessed the sins of the nation as though they were their own. I think that attitude of a fellow sinner helping sinners will help our message come across more compassionately.

We’ve all been under different kinds of authority figure in our lives and know what is it to have an infraction dealt with in such a way that we’re left hurt, deflated, discouraged, or angry, or, on the other hand, inspired to want to do right and to make restoration.

Of course, we’re responsible for the truth we hear no matter what tone or form it comes in. When we stand before God to give account of our lives, the excuse that we didn’t like how so-and-so delivered the message won’t hold up as a reason for not obeying it. If we are on the receiving end of a message with a harsh or scolding attitude, we still need to hear and apply and respond to the truth in the way the Lord would have for us to. But when we are sharing truth in any venue, let us remember to “Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time. Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man” (Colossians 4:5). The salt — the truth — is needed, but don’t forget the wisdom and the grace.

I survived…

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…my public speaking experience, that is. And I have concluded that this is definitely not what I want to make a career out of. 🙂 Thank you for praying — the Lord helped abundantly.

The theme of the tea was “Fill My Cup, Lord,” with the theme verses being those about the woman at the well in John 4 and Isaiah 12:3: “Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation.” Of course, the song “Fill My Cup, Lord” was sung. I figured with that theme and my friend JoAnne’s love of tea pots, there would probably be tea things used in the decorations, and there were. 🙂 The centerpieces were various teapots filled with flowers, and the favors were cups and saucers with tea (I chose one with pink roses, of course).

Tea cup favor

As per Jewel‘s request, I’ll post what I shared. The time window I was given was about 20 minutes. When I ran through it at home a couple of times, it took 19 and then 18 minutes. I am not sure how long it ended up being today.

When we ask the Lord to fill our cups, what do we need? What do we want Him to fill them with?

I. The cup of salvation

The woman at well did not know her need until Jesus mentioned living water. I have heard that by the time you feel thirsty, it’s past time to get hydrated: you can be in need of water without even realizing it. So, too, can people have spiritual needs without realizing it. In Revelation 3:14-22, the Lord tells the Laodocean church, the lukewarm church, in vv 17-18, “Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked: I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see.” They thought they were fine; they thought they needed nothing, but in truth they were in dire need of the very things they thought they were ok in. We know people need the Lord even if they don’t realize it.

The woman at the well still thought Jesus was talking about physical water. By the way, don’t get discouraged if you are trying to talk to someone about the Lord and they don’t understand right away. That is not uncommon. In the parable of the sower, Jesus compared people to a field and the seed to the Word of God. Sometimes when you share the Word, first you have to pull out a few weeds, and you have to give it water and sunshine before it grows. Paul said in I Cor. 3:6, “I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase.”

This lady was ready to find the kind of water and the source of water that would cause her never to thirst and never to have to come down to the well to get water any more. But Jesus told her she needed living water. Notice also He brought out her sin, but He didn’t beat her over the head with it right when He first began talking to her. There has been a movement afoot over the years to deemphasize our sin and concentrate on God’s love. But our sin is the very reason we need to hear of God’s love and our need for His salvation.

She perceived that Jesus was a prophet, but then she got distracted with where to worship. That’s often the first response when people realize they have a spiritual need: they wonder what they should do, where they should go. But Jesus told her the important thing was Who she worshipped and how she worshipped. In vv 23-24: “true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him. God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.”

She had heard of the Messiah, and Jesus told her that He was the Messiah. In john 6:35 Jesus said, “I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.” Not only did she believe on Him: she went and told others about Him and they came and believed, too.

Our first need is salvation. Isaiah 12:3: Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation.

II. Then the Bible also speaks of several things the Christian can be filled with or full of. I did a quick word study with an online Bible concordance looking up the words “filled” and “full.” This is not an exhaustive list, but here are several things:

– Wisdom. Several of the workmen who helped with the different parts of the OT tabernacle and temple were said to be filled with wisdom for the tasks, things like making the brass instruments (Ex. 31:1-5), making the furniture (Ex. 31: 6-11), making the garments (Ex. 28:2-4). Did you know you can ask for wisdom for even “secular” tasks?
– Filled with the glory of the Lord (tabernacle: Ex. 40:34-35; the whole earth: Numbers 14:11, Psalm 72:19; temple, I Kings 8:10-11, II Chron. 5:13-14; 7:1-2; Ez. 10:4, 43:5; 44:4
– God’s praise: Psalm 71:8: Let my mouth be filled with thy praise and with thy honour all the day.
– Good: Psalm 104:27-28: These wait all upon thee; that thou mayest give them their meat in due season. That thou givest them they gather: thou openest thine hand, they are filled with good.
– For the earth shall be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea. Habakkuk 2:14
– The Holy Spirit: Acts 2:2-4; 4:8, 31: 9:17; 13:9, 52 (with joy); (Eph 5:18) Luke 4:1 (Jesus), Acts 6:3 (Deacons full of Holy Ghost and wisdom), Acts 6:5 (Stephen, full of faith and Holy Ghost), Acts 7:55 (Stephen), Acts 11:24 (Barnabus)
– Goodness, knowledge: Romans 15:14
– Comfort II Cor. 7:4
– The Fullness of God (And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Eph. 3:19)
– Fruits of righteousness Phil. 1:11
– The knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding Col. 1:9
– Joy II Tim. 1:4
– Naphtali, satisfied with favour, and full with the blessing of the LORD Deut. 33:23
– Compassion, Ps. 112:4
– His praise, Hab 3:3
– Light, Mat 6:22, Luke 11:34, 36
– Joy, Acts 2:28
– Faith and power, Acts 6:8
– Good works and alsmdeeds, Acts 9:36 (Dorcas)
– Goodness and knowledge, Romans 15:14
– Mercy and good fruits, James 3:17
– Glory, I Peter 1:8

Eph 5:18 says, ” And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit.” Really, a lot of these others things are encompassed in being filled with the Spirit. If you read the following chapters in Ephesians, the instructions about family relationships follow this command to be filled with the Spirit.

What does it mean to be filled with the Spirit? Let me say first that if you are a Christian, you have the Holy Spirit within you. Romans 8:9 says, “Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his.” But though the Holy Spirit is in you, you may not be yielding full control to Him. And it doesn’t mean speaking in tongues. That is a topic that is bigger than the time we have today, but at the end of I Corinthians 12, Paul asks, “And God hath set some in the church, first apostles, secondarily prophets, thirdly teachers, after that miracles, then gifts of healings, helps, governments, diversities of tongues. Are all apostles? are all prophets? are all teachers? are all workers of miracles? Have all the gifts of healing? do all speak with tongues? do all interpret?” The obvious answer is no. One point of that passage and others that talk about spiritual gifts is that people have different ones, yet some people today try to assert that an evidence of being filled with the Spirit is that one gift, speaking in tongues. I believe, as do many others, that the “sign gifts” ceased after the first century or so, when the Bible was completed.

Eph 5:18 says, ” And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit.”  If someone is drunk, they are being controlled by the alcohol. If we’re filled with the Spirit, we’re yielding to His control.

How is one filled with the Spirit? First confess any known sin. Ask God to search you and show you any that you might be missing. Then just ask in faith to be filled with His Spirit, just like you asked in faith to be saved. Erwin Lutzer says in his book How To Say No to a Stubborn Habit (p.75):

How were you saved? By depending on the death of Christ. How do you receive Christ? By depending on the ascension of Christ. Both come by faith. That’s why Paul wrote, “As you have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him” (Col. 2:6).

You receive the Spirit’s filling by faith, not by having a particular feeling. Some Christians wrongly believe that the filling of the Spirit is a sensation. They expect waves of love, or an overwhelming sense of peace, or speaking in strange languages. Theirs is a fleshly desire to walk by sight, not by faith. We find it difficult to take God at His Word…and we ask for a sign that we might believe.

God, however, delights when you believe in Him without demanding emotional crutches. Just as a new believer needs to receive God’s promises — apart from feelings — so you daily need to receive the power of the Holy Spirit — apart from feelings

I used to think of being filled with the Spirit as something I needed before big task – like speaking in public! – and I would come and be filled, go do the task and be emptied, and need filling again before the next big task. But we need the Spirit to live our everyday lives. Just as those following passages in Ephesians talk about wives being submissive to husbands, husbands loving wives, children obeying parents, parents raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, all follow the command to be filled with the Holy Spirit, I need the Holy Spirit just to be the wife and mother I need to be at home, just to be kind to others and to battle my natural selfishness. So lately I have come to think of being filled with the Spirit like a fountain. Have you ever seen those garden or tabletop fountains that have water continually going out and coming in, yet the water level always remains the same? That’s how I want to be: continually depending on the Spirit every step of the day while He continually fills me and enables me to do His will.

There is something that can hinder our being filled with these things God mentions, and that is if we are already filled with other things. I read a list of good things the Bible mentions people being filled with. Here is a list of bad things:

Filled with violence: Gen. 6:11-13, Ezekiel 8:17
Uncleanness: Ezra 9:11
Contempt and scorning: Psalm 123:3-4
Own way, own devices: Proverbs 1:30-31:
Mischief: Proverbs 12:21
Sin: Jeremiah 51:5
Drunkenness and sorrow: Ex. 23:32-33.
Wrath: Luke 4:28, Esther 3:5, Acts 19: 28
Fear: Luke 5:26
Madness: Luke 6:11
Satan filled Ananias heart to lie: Acts 5:3
Indignation :Acts 5:17, Esther 5:9
Envy: Acts 13:45
Confusion: Acts 19:29, Job 10:15
Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; Romans 1:28
Beware of being full and forgetting God Deut. 8:10-20
Bribes: Ps. 26:10
Troubles: Ps. 88:3
Evil: Ecc. 9:3
Blood: Isa. 1:15
Idols: Isa. 2:8
Deceit: Jer. 5:27
Violence: Micah 6:12
Lies: Nahum 3:1
Darkness: Matt. 6:23, Luke 11:34
Extortion and excess: Matt. 23:25
Hypocrisy and iniquity Matt. 23:28
Ravening and wickedness: Luke 11:39
Wine: Acts 2:13
Subtilty and mischief: Acts 13:10

To me the two most telling verses are Proverbs 1:30-31: “They would none of my counsel: they despised all my reproof. Therefore shall they eat of the fruit of their own way, and be filled with their own devices.” Proverbs 14:14: “The backslider in heart shall be filled with his own ways: and a good man shall be satisfied from himself.” That is the essence of sin: Wanting my own way instead of God’s. Some of the things on this list are what people are filled with who don’t have God; some of them are what we can be filled with when we start wanting our own way instead of His. And sometimes we can be filled with something that’s not necessarily bad in itself, but it is taking up our time and attention that we need to give the Lord. Prov. 27:7: “The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.”

Several years ago some folks from PA moved to TX and attended the church where I was then. One time they sang this song at church: they are the only ones I have ever heard sing it. It is by Martha Snell Nicholson, and it is called “Treasures.”

One by one He took them from me,
All the things I valued most,
Until I was empty-handed:
Every glittering toy was lost.
And I walked earth’s highways grieving
In my rags and poverty
Til I heard His voice inviting,
“Lift your empty hands to Me!”

So I held my hands toward Heaven
And He filled them with a store
Of His own transcendent riches
Til they could contain no more.
And at last I comprehended
With my stupid mind and dull
That God could not pour His riches
Into hands already full.

Whatever your need today, God promises, “”For I will pour water upon him that is thirsty, and floods upon the dry ground: I will pour my spirit upon thy seed, and my blessing upon thine offspring” (Isa 44:3). Jesus said in Matthew 5:6, “Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.” Jesus said, “If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink. He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.” John 7:37-38.

I don’t envy preachers

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I mentioned a few weeks ago that I had been given two opportunities that were out of my comfort zone. One was giving the devotional at a baby shower I mentioned earlier: the other is speaking at a ladies’ luncheon at another church this Saturday.

When I told a friend I had received both of these offers the same day, she said, “Maybe the Lord is trying to tell you something.” I sure hope not!! As I said in regards to the baby shower, I am much more comfortable writing, where I can ponder, think, rewrite, delete, etc. — and no one is looking right at me. 🙂

Yet somehow, though one part of me dreaded this opportunity, anther part is excited about it.

I have to say I don’t envy preachers. Oh, I think it would be wonderful to have one’s primary job studying the Word of God in order to share it! Sadly, I think for too many preachers that time often gets crowded out with other duties. But in combing over a passage and a topic trying to discern what to say — that’s the hard part (well…besides standing in front of people to speak). A former pastor, Dr. Mark Minnick, used to say that when he first started preaching, he studied a passage with the question, “What can I say about this passage?” He began to realize that that was the wrong question: the right one is, “What does this passage say?” There is all the difference in the world between those two questions. One is imposing my own thoughts on the passage; the other is bringing out what the passage itself says.

Then, the more I study and think about it, the more there is to say, but I have to keep this down to about 20 minutes! I can understand how easily pastors can preach overtime or start a message and have it end up a series.

Then I have to fight against the temptation to want it all to be well-worded and well-crafted. There’s nothing wrong with that, and I think that can enhance the message, but my carnal heart would want that as it’s goal rather than its tool. The goal should not be for people to think well of my little talk or to think I did a good job, but to come away with the truth of the passage on their hearts.

Once again I’d like to ask those of you who pray, if you think of it, to pray that I’ll say just what the Lord wants me to and that all the little physical issues I wrestle with that flare up when I get nervous would not flare up. I would be most thankful!

“You can’t say ‘no’ until you pray about it”

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I am “rerunning” this post because…I need it! Yesterday I received an e-mail asking me to do something way beyond my comfort zone, and then in the afternoon I got a phone call along the same lines but a bigger and scarier opportunity. My first inward response was panic and the thought, “Who, me?!” So many other people would do a better job. But the principle in this post had been instilled in me. Plus I have been somewhat dismayed when I’ve asked someone to do something ministry-related and received a panic-stricken “no” as an answer when I had hoped that they would give God a chance to help them and work through them.

This was originally posted Feb. 21, 2007, so some of my newer readers might not have seen it, and it is something I need to remind myself of often.

Any article or book you read or talk you hear about managing time will include this point: you have to be willing to say no to some activities. Especially in this day and age when opportunities to do things or have your kids involved in things abound on every hand, sometimes we just have to put our foot down and say “No” to maintain our sanity and keep some kind of reasonable schedule.

On the other hand……sometimes we say no without really considering what the Lord would have us do. All we know is that we can’t take on another thing.

Some years ago I was on a committee of ladies at church who took turns putting up bulletin boards to highlight 2-3 of our missionaries at a time each month. This committee was a part of the Ladies Missionary Prayer Group at that church. At that point in time they elected officers every year, and at one fall meeting, the president told us that that nominations had been made for the following year and the officers would be contacting those ladies who had been nominated to let them know and find out if they were willing and able to accept. She then said with a smile, “You can’t say no until you pray about it.”

Well, Debbie, the officer over that committee, told me I had been nominated for that office. My first response was, “But….I’ve been waiting all year to get off this committee!” That was not very encouraging to Debbie, I’m sure. ) But I just didn’t feel the liberty to say no, so I said yes. A week or two or so later Debbie came to me and told me that the other nominees had not accepted, and therefore I was “it.” She remarked that that must have been the Lord’s will. I responded, “No…the other ladies are out of the Lord’s will for not accepting the nomination.” I was so spiritually-minded, wasn’t I? I think she thought I was teasing, or else she would have rethought my nomination.

I did fulfill that year, and even though bulletin boards are not my forte, I really saw the Lord give some great ideas and some great people to help on the committee. I learned something about leadership. I learned to seek Him when frustrated because I couldn’t find help. I learned about the ups and downs of working with people. I don’t know if I can say I “enjoyed” that year, but I did learn a lot and I grew spiritually and as a person.

A few years later when an opportunity came along that was more scary and involved more work, I was able to face it with the confidence that if the Lord wanted me to do it, He would enable me. And He did, marvelously.

For a while I went too far the other way, thinking that anything that anyone in the church asked me to do must be from the Lord. ) We can get in over our heads really quickly that way.

Since then there have been times I have felt completely free to say no and have seen the Lord bring in someone else for that opportunity who did a wonderful job, much better than I would have done if I had taken it out of a sense of duty.

But the important thing is to pray over it first, before you decide it’s out of your comfort zone or that you don’t have the time or the skills. Sometimes the Lord delights in pulling out of our comfort zone and into dependence on Him for the abilities and the time. Sometimes He wants us to lay something else aside to do what He wants us to. Look in Scripture at people who were happily minding their own business when God came to them with something He wanted them to do (Moses, Noah, Peter, Paul) and think not only what history would be like, but what their lives would have been if they had said no.

Mentoring women

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As Christian women, we get our instructions for mentoring from Titus 2:3-5:

3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Other versions use the word “older” rather than “aged,” which sounds a little kinder to our 21st century ears. 🙂 One problem with mentoring, though, is that many older women hesitate to obey this command for a couple of reasons. For one, many don’t want to consider themselves in the “older” or “aged” category. And many don’t feel qualified because they feel they are not perfect in any of these areas and feel the need of instruction themselves: that was the common response recently when I was trying to find ladies to serve on a panel discussion about loving our husbands.

As I see it, we’re all older than someone. And if we have walked with the Lord for any length of time at all, we should be able to share something of what He has taught us along the way. No, we won’t be perfect in any area, but in a sense that helps with our mentoring. People need instruction and examples for how to deal with their faults and failures, and a person who admits to them has a little more credibility than someone who comes across as having “arrived.”

However, the character of the one mentoring does need to be the kind that “becomes holiness.” While we’re not sinless, and we need to confess often our faults to the Lord, on the other hand, as a general character and lifestyle, if we haven’t walked with the Lord and learned ourselves in these areas, we don’t have anything to teach anyone else anyway and wouldn’t be heeded if we tried. The rest of verse 4 indicates that a mentor must have a certain amount of self-control both in lifestyle and in speech. The NASB renders “false accusers” as “malicious gossips.” The NKJV says “slanderers.” No lady would want to pour out her heart and ask advice from someone who might then share what she has said with others.

How is mentoring best done? This is something I’ve asked many people through the years. There are several ways:

1. Formal instruction

When we hear the word “teach” we immediately think of classroom-type instruction. I don’t think that was specifically what Paul had in mind: I don’t know that they had classes for women in those days. But we do have classes, seminars, retreats and such in our day and culture that are beneficial. One former church we were members of had two-day conferences for women once every few years and once a year or so would disband their regular adult Sunday School classes to have separate classes for the men and women, and different ladies in the church would teach on these kinds of topics. It was something I looked forward to every year.

2. One-on-one arranged relationships

I have know some churches that had women who were interested in a one-on-one mentoring relationship sign up, and then someone paired up an older woman with a younger woman. The advantages of this kind of set-up would be in greater personal instruction and having someone to ask questions of. The disadvantages I can see would be the awkwardness of asking personal questions of someone you don’t have a personal relationship with and the danger of not really meshing with the person you’re assigned to, but I suppose those thing could be worked out over time.

I have heard of a younger woman who asked an older woman to be her “mentor” — I think they met together to talk and pray, and the younger woman asked the older questions about how she had devotions and such. One friend of mine was advised to choose one lady she was comfortable with and to ask advice of just that one lady. One advantage to that is that you wouldn’t get conflicting advice. That was a hard thing for me particularly as a young mother, when two older ladies who I loved and respected would give the exact opposite advice. I eventually learned to “glean” — to listen kindly and then pick through the advice to find what would most seem to “fit” my family, and leave the rest. But I would have had trouble picking just one woman, though that might have been beneficial to some. I know that often when I was struggling in some area or frustrated and wanting to know what to do, the Lord would put me in contact with some lady who sometimes even by a seemingly chance remark would give me just the bit of wisdom I needed at the moment.

3. Hospitality

When I was a saved teen in an unsaved home, another family in church invited me over often. Though they never formally instructed me (aside from including me in family devotions), I learned much from being around them and seeing how a Christian family interacted. The wife and mother was a great example to me in every way — in her submission to her husband, in her example as a mom, in her homemaking and meal-preparation skills, yet I don’t think she consciously had me over for the specific purpose of being an example to me.

4) Interaction

Times like bridal and baby showers, working in the nursery, setting up or cleaning up for a function, going to ladies’ meetings, fellowships, etc., were great times to mix and talk with other women as I was “growing up” as a lady. Sometimes if a question or problem cropped up, I’d ask some of them, but mostly it was still kind of an observing and absorbing of their spirit and example. Especially when I was approaching marriage, looking forward to having children, and then having them, I watched and “gleaned.” In more recent years my observing has been more along the lines of noticing godly behavior, being convicted, and asking the Lord to change me in those areas.

5) Writing

I have been ministered to, instructed, rebuked, and encouraged many times over the years by reading books written by godly women and, in more recent times, blogs.

I didn’t list family relationships, but that would be the most obvious avenue of an older lady teaching a younger one. Of course. not all ladies have mothers who are alive or who are Christians, and many live away from their parents after they marry. Even with a godly, accessible mother nearby, most of us could still use example and instruction from other godly women.

In Elisabeth’s Elliot’s book Keep a Quiet Heart, one very helpful chapter is titled “A Call to Older Women.” Here is one paragraph from it:

I think of the vast number of older women today. The Statistical Abstract of the United States for 1980 says that 19.5 percent of the population was between ages 45-65, but by 2000 it will be 22.9 percent. Assuming that half of those people are women, what a pool of energy and power for God they might be. We live longer now than we did forty years ago (the same volume says that the over-sixty-fives will increase from 11.3 percent to 13 percent). There is more mobility, more money around, more leisure, more health and strength–resources which, if put at God’s disposal, might bless younger women. But there are also many more ways to spend those resources, so we find it very easy to occupy ourselves selfishly. Where are the women, single or married, willing to hear God’s call to spiritual motherhood, taking spiritual daughters under their wings to school them as Mom Cunningham did me? She had no training the world would recognize. She had no thought of such. She simply loved God and was willing to be broken bread and poured-out wine for His sake. Retirement never crossed her mind.

So how does one going about being a mentor or “spiritual mother” to other ladies? Pray first and seek how the Lord would have you go about it. After that, the biggest thing is just to be sensitive and available. Perhaps a new mom could use some help around the house or a few hours to herself while someone capable watches the children; perhaps you could write notes of encouragement to others or have a couple of ladies over for lunch. Even just going and talking to a younger lady at a fellowship or meeting instead of finding a friend is a start. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a formal arrangement with one particular lady, though some prefer that. As I mentioned earlier, often through the years just in the course of ordinary church life, the Lord would send someone with a “word in due season” that was just what I needed at the time.

One thing older women have to watch out for, however, is crossing over the line into being busybodies. I knew of one older lady who told one young mother of seven that she was having too many children and another young wife who was planning to wait to have children til her husband was through seminary that she needed to get started on her family. It is no wonder that she caused hurt feelings rather than helping or ministering to anyone.

Though older women need to be aware of this Scriptural admonition and to seek God’s wisdom in going about obeying it, the other side of the coin is that younger women need to be willing to be taught, and part of that involves just spending time with each other. A lot of times we tend to gravitate to our own age groups, which is natural, but it’s good to get out of our comfort zone and get to know ladies of all ages. I have learned a lot from other ladies just by being around them and watching and listening to them, but sometimes I’ve felt led to ask specific questions. If you’re a younger lady who would like some “spiritual mothering,” ask the Lord to guide someone to you and take time to get to know some of the older ladies in your church. I feel sure that you’ll find someone whom you can look up to and learn from, but if not (and even if you do and would like to supplement your learning), reading good books is another way to gain from the wisdom of those who have gone before.

Church ladies’ groups

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Something in a recent comment prompted the thought that it might be helpful to some to write a post about church ladies’ groups. Recently a friend at church had a friend from her home town visiting who also happened to head up her ladies’ group, and it was fun to compare notes and get ideas. I’d love to do that here, too: I’d love to know what kinds of things your ladies group does, what has worked and hasn’t worked for you. And if you don’t have one, maybe this will give you some ideas for starting one.

I was in and out of church as a young person and my mom didn’t attend regularly, so I don’t know what the ladies in those churches did. The church we were in when we first married had a ladies group which was entirely focused on missions: they began with a project time making things for the missionaries, had a missionary speaker, passed out pre-addressed letters for people to write to missionaries, had folders with prayer cards and prayer letters that they passed out at the end for people to take a few minutes to pray for specific requests for those missionaries, and collected items the missionaries could not get in their countries. When we moved to another state, the ladies there pretty much just met together for fellowship times.

At the church we are in now, the ladies group restructured several years ago with three goals in mind:

1. to find ways to minister to, encourage, and pray for our missionaries
2. to try to keep our missionaries before our people and help them get to know them better
3. to foster fellowship among our own ladies.

Sometimes our meetings are more directly missionary oriented; sometimes they are more oriented toward fellowship. But we do fellowship at every meeting, and we try to incorporate a prayer time for specific missionaries at most meetings.

At our monthly meetings we often have a missionary speaker or a lady from our church giving her testimony. In the past we have also had craft demonstrations such as stamping or soap-making, worked on projects for our missionaries, heard talks on various topics such as time management or heart health, and had an open discussion of topics like having devotions, loving our husbands, or hospitality. Annual events include a ladies’ banquet, assembling care packages for our college students, and sponsoring a church-wide “Missionary Christmas.” Occasionally we’ve gone bowling or putt-putting. Throughout the year ladies may opt to participate in a Secret Sister program to pray for and send little notes and gifts to someone anonymously, and then we get to find out the identity of our secret sister for the year at our annual Christmas party.

Most of the monthly meetings are held in the fellowship hall at church, but some are held in homes. We do have a nursery available: it used to be staffed by teens, but as their involvement dropped off one of our ladies took that on. Different ladies host the fellowship time, bringing and serving refreshments.

Occasionally some of the women will get-together for a Bible study of several weeks duration, led by different individual ladies. Often we use a study book from Regular Baptist Press; a couple of times a video series has been used. In some churches, organizing meals for families with someone who is sick or recovering from a hospital stay or for funerals is handled by a committees of ladies: in our church that is organized by deacon groups (all the church families are divided up by deacons, with each deacon over a group, and he and his wife organize meals and fellowships and such).

Some groups might also have a committee that organizes bridal and baby showers for church members. Our pastor wants that handled on an individual basis, so different ladies who know the brides or moms-to-be organize showers. There are a few who particularly have a heart for that ministry and take care that no one is overlooked.

The friend’s friend that I mentioned said that her ladies’ group has a monthly meeting as well as a monthly outing. I don’t know if that would go over here — people are so busy it’s hard for some even to come to a monthly meeting. But it might be fin to explore that as an occasional thing.

Some years ago on a Christian internet forum, one lady mentioned that her church ladies’ group was developing a home economics course that included all the basics of sewing, cooking, menu planning, childcare (to include bathing, dressing, diaper rash and illness), time management, organized cleaning, home maintenance, finances, budgeting, etc. — as well as basic discipleship and doctrinal classes. You’d probably need a lot of manpower (or woman-power!) for that kind of thing!

Most church ladies’ groups are focused on ministering to missionaries and/or their own ladies, but some also incorporate reaching out to others with a ladies’ visitation program or having Bible studies or special programs or activities especially geared toward inviting the lost. Of course, lost friends and co-workers can be invited to the regular ladies’ meetings to hear the testimonies and be around ladies in a more informal setting.

A few helpful resources I’ve found are:

  • Women’s World: Ideas and Procedures for Missions Groups by Dorothy Vander Kaay (out of print now, I believe, but used copies can be found online): this book had some helpful ideas, but I found the sections on organization to be a little too rigid (what kind of officers are needed and what they should do, etc.) But you could adapt the idea for your group.

Speaking of organization and structure, that varies from church to church. At the first church I mentioned, they had several officers that were elected every year, and the group as a whole was somewhat guided and overseen by the pastors’ wives. The second group I mentioned really had no structure at all: the pastor’s wife basically suggested activities, but it was a small church and everyone pitched in for most activities. At our church now, one lady was asked to head it up when the group was restructured. I kind of unofficially assisted her because that seemed to be the area of ministry where my heart was, and when this lady moved, I inherited the group. 🙂 I would like at some point to have more people involved and perhaps go to electing officers: I think getting new folks involved keeps things fresh. Probably how things are structured depends a lot on how big the group is and what its goals are.

If your church does not have a ladies’ group, and you’re interested in one, you might start, first of all, with prayer for the Lord’s guidance. Then you might jot down some ideas of what kinds of groups or activities you’d be interested in, then ask for a session with your pastor to discuss them with him. Some pastors will have specific ideas for the ladies’ group; others will basically leave it up to the ladies’ involved and will only want to be kept informed. Then you might gather a few other interested ladies to brainstorm, or you might make up a questionnaire to get several ladies’ ideas and also ascertain what skills and talents the different ladies of your church have that they’d be willing to use for the group. Even if you can’t do everything you’d like to at first, once you get started, you can grow in different directions as the Lord leads and as needs and interests dictate.

In the next day or two I want to post a related piece on mentoring women in general: I wrote something on it for our ladies’ group newsletter, but I need to rework it a bit. To me a good ladies’ group within a church is an excellent means of mentoring and edifying each other. (Update: The post about mentoring women is here.)

Catching up

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Our church’s annual Ladies’ Luncheon is this week. Everything has been going pretty smoothly — until working on the favors I had in mind which was supposed to involve just a few clicks and a print. When I get to a dead end I get too frustrated, so I am going to put it aside and work on some other aspect after eating lunch and then see what comes to mind. The centerpieces are coming along. Here is a sneak peek:

Dresses

The ladies worked on the little dresses at the last meeting. All I have left to do is put Spanish moss over the Styrofoam and then add some little flowers — in one of them you can see one of the little flowers on top of the moss.

We do have the lowest number ever signed up to attend, though. That’s discouraging. I’m pondering what we might do differently next year — I am thinking about sending out a questionnaire to get other people’s opinions.

The leg thing is still an issue. The bright red of the cellulitis is gone, but when I am on my feet for any length of time, the area still gets red and my lower leg gets a little swollen, but then it clears up when I put my feet back up for a while. I should be able to function like that and get everything done for the luncheon — I am a little concerned about the day of the luncheon, though, as it is usually a pretty long day.

If you feel so led, I’d appreciate your prayers that my leg would heal completely and soon, that the cellulitis would not recur, that everything would come together for the luncheon and honor the Lord, and that I would not be nervous. Even when everything is going fine I tend to feel nervous about these things, and that leads to other problems.

In other news….the quarterly Bloggy Giveaway Carnival is this week. I don’t think I am going to be able to give away anything for it this time around, unless I get everything else done and come up with something. I am not sure how much I will even be able to visit the other giveaways…we’ll see. It’s pretty easy to squeeze in a few here and there, especially if they don’t have hoops they want readers to jump through. Of course, anyone giving away anything on their blog can do so however they choose to, but I have to say when there are hundreds of giveaways at once like this, I don’t like requirements on the individual giveaways, like “Tell me your favorite post of mine.” I did actually see that on one this morning and thought, “You expect everyone who comes here for the contest to read through your archives?!”

Finally, my good blog friend Alice gave me this Blogging Friends Forever Gold Card.

Thanks so much, Alice! I want to pass this along to all my regular readers: I appreciate your visits! You bring great joy to my blogging experience.

Valentine treats and a session on how to love our husbands

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Our February ladies’ meeting at church was last night, and last month I thought, being close to Valentine’s Day, we might explore the topic of how to love our husbands. Then today I thought I might share that with you as well.

Usually other ladies sign up to bring refreshments, but no one did for this month, and I have lots of heart-shaped treats on file, so I did this one. Along with some small sandwiches and a vegetable tray, I made

Valentine treats

Sweetheart Jamwiches from Southern Living magazine. This is one of only a few recipes I kept from the short time I was subscribed to them. Mine aren’t quite as neat as theirs — I was running behind and trying to get finished fast by the time I got to the end — but I still liked the way they turned out, and the ladies seemed to like them, too.

I also made Peanut Butter Kiss cookies, only substituting chocolate hearts instead of Hershey’s kisses.

 

Valentine treats

My original idea for the ladies meeting was to have a panel of 4 to 6 ladies who would answer questions from the others. What I found was that most of the ladies I asked were very reluctant, feeling they needed to still be learning rather than answering other people’s questions. That’s understandable in one way because we’re all sinners and none of us has this down perfectly: along with the rest of our sin nature, we have to wrestle with our basic tendency toward selfishness probably in our marriages more than anything else. But, as I tried to share with them, I’d much rather hear from someone as human as I am than someone who acts as though they have it all down pat.

Still, I only found three ladies who would agree to be on the panel, and one of them called less than two hours before the meeting to say she had a raging headache and couldn’t come. So I put another lady on the spot before the meeting started and asked her, and she graciously agreed.

Usually we have a speaker for our meetings. Twice before we had open discussion types of meetings: the first time was on the topic of personal devotions, and that went very well with a lot of people sharing struggles and solutions; the second time the topic was hospitality, and that didn’t go very well at all. I think that’s an area where many of us feel inadequate. So this time I wanted a panel so I wouldn’t be the only one up there answering questions!

I had told the ladies beforehand that, though they could ask questions from the floor, if they wanted to submit them ahead of time that would give the ladies on the panel a little more time to think about an answer. No one submitted anything ahead of time, so I came up with a list of questions I had heard, read, or had myself over the years to use kind of as a starting-off point, and I told the ladies if we veered from there or other questions came up along the way, that was fine. I also told them that anyone was free to ask questions or make comments and that I wanted this to be a sharing time for all of us.

I was originally going to just jot down various points or principles that were discussed through the night, but I decided I would use the questions that we used as a framework for the different aspects.

I started with Titus 2:3-5:

The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

I told them for our purposes that night I wasn’t going to dwell on who was younger, older, or “aged.” 🙂 We’re all older or younger than somebody. In fact, I was a little sad that some of the older older women didn’t come — they probably felt they didn’t “need” any instruction on this topic, but I think they would have benefited all of us with what they have learned over the years.

Anyway — on to the questions, and I will try to jot down as much as I can remember of the answers:

1. Several sources I have read indicate that the word for love in Titus 2 is the word for an affectionate type of love rather than agape love. As Christians we are all to love each other with agape love, which we can only do through His Spirit, but why do you think God wants us to teach each other that affectionate, brotherly kind of love rather than just commanding it as He commands men to love their wives?

Perhaps one reason is that we can so easily fall into “Martha mode” and get so busy serving and doing that we forget to just be affectionate. I know when I am super-busy, that’s the hardest time for me to respond in an affectionate manner, especially if I am interrupted.

I didn’t think of this last night, but earlier today I was thinking that most preaching we hear on a woman’s role in marriage deals with submission and obedience, and those are important aspects and one way we show our love to our husbands, but we can do both without any warmth or affection. Too, in that day of arranged marriages, many wives probably felt they were coming into a serious relationship with a stranger, and it would have been helpful for older women to encourage them in this way.

2. What are some ways that you show your husband that you love him?

This is something that would be different for each individual husband, but many mentioned just little thoughtful niceties that you’d know he’d like or things that he has responded well to in the past. One lady mentioned little notes in lunch boxes and other places. Another mentioned bringing him a glass of iced tea while he’s relaxing in the recliner. Another mentioned calling him at work during the day, not to report a problem, but just to say, “Hi, everything is going well; I just wanted to touch base and see how you were doing and tell you I love you.” One mentioned giving her husband her full attention when he is talking to her rather than being distracted. Another busy mother of 7 mentioned that, when her husband called to her at home, she had gotten into a habit of saying “Just a minute” or even “Is it important?” She got convicted about that and felt it would honor him to come when he called her and see what he wanted. She even confessed that to him, ad at first he just folded his arms like, “I’ll believe it when I see it!” So the next time he called her, she was so tempted to just call back, but she stopped what she was doing and ran to him to see what he wanted, and he just lit up.

Someone brought up the book The Five Love Languages and the idea that people perceive and receive love in different ways. More information about them is here.

3. What do you do if you disagreed with your husband about something? How do you know when to voice it and when to be silent and pray?

Many ladies said that, whatever you do, pray first. That will keep you from just reacting. Then if you do feel led to say something, the Lord will help you do so in a gracious manner.

A few emphasized to choose wisely in what you disagree about. If you’re always disagreeing on every little thing, then when something major comes along, it might not be taken seriously — it will sound like you just disagree out of habit or as a matter or course.

A few also said that they felt their husbands did want to know how they felt: they didn’t just want a marital equivalent of a yes man. But if we do voice disagreements, we need to do so graciously and not in a way that’s belittling. We also need to be careful not to assume or assign motives.

It was also brought up in couple of different ways that we shouldn’t assume they know how we feel. One lady brought up an example about how, when she was first married, her husband had a good friend who was with them all the time. She finally took her husband aside and told him she loved him and was glad to be married to him, but she almost felt she was married to this other guy, too. He just hadn’t realized how it seemed to her, and once she said something, he cut back on the time he spent with his friend.

A few other examples and questions came up on this point, and it was generally agreed that, if you’re going to discuss a serious disagreement, it’s best to choose a good time when there is not an tension or distraction, (one suggested making him a good meal first 🙂 ), and just being as gracious and kind about it as you can.

4. How do you maintain reverence for your husband, especially when he does or says something you don’t respect?

There were several thoughts here:

Remember that it is based on God’s command, not your husband’s performance.

Remember that he is only human: he is not going to be perfect. I read the quote I posted yesterday — I thought it was interesting that I found it in my files just in time for this meeting!

Colosians 3:12-14 was read:

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

This wasn’t read, but a companion passage is Ephesians 4:1-3:

I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

One pastor used to say “forbearing” was just “good old-fashioned putting up with each other.” There has to be some of that in marriage: none of us will be perfect.

Another truth to apply is to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (based on Matthew 7:12). When we fall short and fail, how would we want our husbands to handle it? My husband very rarely says anything to me about my faults and failures, and the fact that he “puts up with me” in love is a rebuke to me and a help in my response to him.

One pointed out to focus on his strengths, not his weaknesses. Another reminded that we have to guard against bitterness and resentment in our own hearts.

There was much discussion on this point about praying about the matter and letting the Lord convict him.

5. How would you advise a young Christian wife who says that her husband does not take the lead spiritually in praying together or having devotions together?

Not much was said in this point except that you can’t force it. A couple of people brought out the principle of asking our own husbands spiritual or Scriptural questions rather than seeking them from someone else (I Cor. 14:35a: “And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home.”)

6. How do you carve out time for just the two of you?

Many emphasized that you have to make time for each other. A few mentioned a date night, with either getting a baby-sitter, or if finances are tight, swapping baby-sitting with another couple. One said that they only allow their children to watch videos or play computer games on Friday nights, and so they all look forward to that time and are “plugged in,” leaving the parents with some time for themselves. They had their restriction more for the benefit of their children, but it had the added benefit of creating some alone time for themselves as a couple.

7. What are some good books on the subject that you have read?

Already mentioned was The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. A few others were:

The Ministry of Marriage by Jim Binney
The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian
Ribbing Him Rightly by Beneth Peters Jones
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Grey
One was also mentioned by Elizabeth George, but the lady couldn’t remember the name: perhaps A Wife After God’s Own Heart?
An audio series called Making It Even Better by Wayne Van Gelderen, Jr.

There were a few other questions that I don’t remember much being discussed in answer, so I left them off here.

I know I didn’t quite capture the spirit of the meeting, but I think it was good over all. I enjoyed it and it brought out many things I had heard before but needed reminding of. Several ladies commented positively afterwards. One even suggested we cover this topic at least once a year. I didn’t record a lot of the specific questions or examples that came up because they weren’t meant for the general public.

I think it’s helpful to realize that no one has a perfect marriage, and even those who have near-perfect ones now had their struggles. One lady whose marriage seems great to me told me afterward that though things are great now, there was a time that, since she didn’t believe in divorce, she prayed that the Lord would just take her husband home, because she just didn’t feel she could continue to live like they were living. You’d never guess it now! Even reading missionary stories, where Elisabeth Elliot, Isobel Kuhn, and Rosalind Goforth shared some of their struggles, was helpful to me in knowing that such godly ladies were “of like passions” as we are.

Though this wasn’t brought out at the meeting, it was demonstrated that one thing we shouldn’t do is engage in husband-bashing to others, and I am happy to say that in all of the discussion I didn’t detect any of that.

Another point that I didn’t think to bring out was that we can only be and do what we ought with the Lord’s help and grace. I remember once during a family conference, our guest speaker, Dr. Wayne Van Gelderen, Sr., pointed out that all of the instructions concerning family relationships in Ephesians came after the command to be filled with the Spirit in Ephesians 5:18.

I know this wasn’t the most lyrically-written post, but I hope it was helpful.

What about you? How would you have answered some of these questions?

(P.S. — By the way, a couple of other interesting things happened at this meeting. Three times in my life I have had an optical migraine — the flashing squiggly zigzag lines in my vision. Only once has it gone on to nausea and a headache. Last night it started happing just at the end of the refreshments and before the actual meeting part. I was so distressed. I took a couple of aspirin and I asked the lady whom I called on to open in prayer to pray for that, and within 15 minutes it was gone — usually it takes about an hour in a quiet, darkened room. So I praise the Lord for that! One of the other ladies on the panel is prone to kidney stones and was having severe pain last night but felt she should come anyway. When I mentioned that another lady who was supposed to be on the panel called with a severe headache, this lady said it seemed like Satan was out to attack this meeting. I’m not one to see Satan behind every problem or obstacle, but I know he doesn’t want marriages [which were created by God] to succeed, so it may be. But I am glad God overcame many of those obstacles!)