Subject: JOB DESCRIPTION
Position: DAD

Long-term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES

~ Must provide on-site training in basic life skills, such as nose blowing. Must have strong skills in negotiating, conflict resolution and crisis management. Ability to suture flesh wounds a plus.

~ Must be able to think out of the box but not lose track of the box, because you most likely will need it for a school project.

~ Must reconcile petty cash disbursements and be proficient in managing budgets and resources fairly, unless you want to hear, “He got more than me!” for the rest of your life.

~ Must be able to drive motor vehicles safely under loud and adverse conditions while simultaneously practicing above mentioned skills in conflict resolution.

~ Must be able to choose your battles wisely and then stick to your guns.

~ Must be able to withstand criticism, such as “You don’t know anything.”

~ Must be willing to be hated at least temporarily, until someone needs $5 to go skating.

~ Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.

~ Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat, in case this time the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

~ Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.

~ Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery-operated devices.

~ Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.

~ Must have a highly energetic entrepreneurial spirit, because fund-raiser will be your middle name.

~ Must have a diverse knowledge base, so as to answer questions on the fly such as “What makes the wind move?” or “Why can’t we just stop all wars?”

~ Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

~ Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

~ Other responsibilities include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION

Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you. One possible promotion is to “Grandpa,” but that’s really a totally different job.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE

None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION

You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, the job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life, if you play your cards right.

(Author Unknown)

Thanks to my father, step-father, and husband who took on the challenge!

Happy Father’s Day to them and all the dads out there!

A Mother’s Day Prayer

God our Creator, I pray:
For new mothers, coming to terms with new responsibility;
for expectant mothers, wondering and waiting;
for those who are tired, stressed, or depressed;
for those who struggle to balance the tasks of work and family;
for those who are unable to feed their children due to poverty;
for those whose children have physical, mental, or emotional disabilities;
for those who raise children on their own;
for those who have lost a child;
for those who care for the children of others;
for those whose children have left home;
and for those whose desire to be a mother has not been fulfilled.

Bless all mothers, that their love may be deep and tender,
and that they may lead their children to know and to do what is good,
living not for themselves alone, but for God and for others.
Amen

Author Unknown

Reprinted from the archives.

On days like this I miss my own Mom, who passed away a few years ago, but I will always hold her memory dear in my heart.