Wednesday Hodgepodge

Posted on April 20, 2011 by Barbara Harper

Joyce From This Side of the Pond hosts a weekly Wednesday Hodgepodge of questions for fun and for getting to know each other.

Here are the questions for this week:

1. What are your plans for Easter Day/weekend?

I’m not really sure yet — this will be a different kind of Easter for us since my oldest son now lives out of state and my middle son and daughter-in-law will be out of town to visit her mom and attend a friend’s wedding. We likely won’t have our usual egg hunt (with money in plastic eggs) with just one teen-ager at home. I don’t know if we’ll do Easter baskets. I do know our church is having a special, longer Sunday morning service and no evening service. And we’ll have our usual Easter dinner of ham and some kind of potatoes.

2. Besides Jesus, what one person from The Bible would you most like to meet and why?

I’ve been thinking about this question off and on since I saw them yesterday (Joyce posts the questions a day ahead) and have found it very hard to choose one, but I think I’d choose Martha. I tend to be like her and would love to hear more about how she balanced serving with worship.

3. What is one modern day convenience you didn’t have as a child that was easy to live without?

That’s hard to say as I lived without them easily seeing I didn’t know about them then. 🙂 But I have gotten quite dependent on my dishwasher, microwave, cell phone, computer, and GPS. And fast food. But I think one feature of many modern conveniences that I could easily live without is the beeping signals. The microwave, washer, dryer, coffeemaker, and I don’t know what all else beeps or buzzes when they are done and it drives me buggy. With most of them I know when they are about to be done, and if I don’t come running immediately it isn’t a disaster. Thankfully most of them have an option to turn off the signal. I can hardly eat in some fast food places because of the incessant machinery noise.

4. Are you more right brained or left brained? If you don’t know what that means there is an interesting little quiz here.

According to the quiz, I’m 56% left-brained and 44% right-brained. Some of the analysis seemed fairly accurate, some a little “off,” but that’s the way with most of these types of quizzes. According to this list (just googled it and found this chart, not clicking on the weird links!), I’d say I am more left-brained. But the analysis of the quiz mentions a lot about math, and I am not a math person, and says I am not very verbal, whereas I would say I am.

5. What is something you intended to do today but didn’t? Why?

I need to send some cards that I have been meaning to sign and address for days now. I’m not sure why I haven’t gotten to them yet — just distracted by other things, I guess.

6. Cadbury Creme Eggs or Reeses peanut butter?

Reese’s!!!

7. Who was your favorite cartoon character when you were a child?

Underdog.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

My knee was hurting to the point of hardly being able to walk on it last night, but thankfully it is better today except in certain positions (which I am trying to avoid.) My knees were x-rayed some time last year before we left SC, because they do give me trouble some times….but I don’t remember the results of the x-rays. 😳 I think it just indicated beginning arthritis. I’ve had a fear of someday needing knee replacement due to age and weight, and after hearing about what was involved from a friend who had both knees replaced at the same time, I want to avoid that! Last night I was all set to call the doctor first thing this morning, but I am thankful for a reprieve! This is the first time they’ve given me much trouble here since our new house does not have stairs. I do have a physical scheduled soon, so I’ll mention it then. (Edited to add: I may have spoken too soon about it being better — it just started up again just before lunch time. 😦 Hoping ibuprofen nips it in the bud.)

The Week In Words

Posted on April 18, 2011 by Barbara Harper

Welcome to The Week In Words, where we share quotes from the last week’s reading. If something you read this past week inspired you, caused you to laugh, cry, think, dream, or just resonated with you in some way, please share it with us, attributing it to its source, which can be a book, newspaper, blog, Facebook — anything that you read. More information is here.

I thought I’d share a few quotes related to Easter this week. Many of them have appeared on my blog in past years.

God expects from men something more…at such times, and that it were much to be wished for the credit of their religion as well as the satisfaction of their conscience that their Easter devotions would in some measure come up to their Easter dress. — Robert South

People say the cross is a sign of how much man is worth. That’s not true. The cross is a sign of how depraved we really are, that it took the death of God’s own Son. The only thing that could save a people like us was the death of God’s own Son under the wrath of His own Father paying the price, rising again from the dead. Powerful to say, this is the Gospel of Jesus. — Paul Washer

We greatly need the cheer of this precious Easter truth. We make too little of the place our Lord has gone to prepare for us. We rob ourselves greatly when we try to reduce heaven to a mere state of ecstatic feeling. We need the cheer which comes of having the eye of faith fixed on the better country and the city that hath the foundations. Such a certainty of an inheritance that is real and that cannot fade away goes far to mitigate the pangs which come of the fires and floods and disasters and frauds which so often despoil God’s people of their earthly possessions; for we know that the things seen are temporal, but the things not seen are eternal, and they are only a few heart-beats away. – E.P. Goodwin

IF you come to seek His face, not in the empty sepulchre, but in the living power of His presence, as indeed realizing that He has finished His glorious work, and is alive for evermore, then your hearts will be full of true Easter joy, and that joy will shed itself abroad in your homes. And let your joy not end with the hymns and the prayers and the communions in His house. Take with you the joy of Easter to the home, and make that home bright with more unselfish love, more hearty service; take it into your work, and do all in the name of the Lord Jesus; take it to your heart, and let that heart rise anew on Easter wings to a higher, a gladder, a fuller life; take it to the dear grave-side and say there the two words “Jesus lives!” and find in them the secret of calm expectation, the hope of eternal reunion. – John Ellerton

There are many tombs where we may be held if we succumb to the powers of sin and death. Hatred, self-pity, bitterness, resentment–these are tombs. By the power that raised Jesus Christ from that sealed and guarded tomb we may be delivered from whatever seals us off from life. Jesus came to give us life, nothing less than life, “abundant” life….Do you know someone you are praying for who is living in the darkness of such a tomb? Has it seemed that there is no more possibility of getting through to him than to someone buried? Resentment has sealed him off from any approach. Pray for the power of the resurrection to release him. Refuse, by the grace of God, to be held back by his bitterness. Then ask the Lord to help you to meet him next time in the consciousness of Christ risen. Instead of dreading the meeting because of the thought of former disastrous meetings, face it with joy. Christ is risen! Christ is risen! — Elisabeth Elliot, “Death Shall Not Hold Us,” from A Lamp For My Feet

If you’ve read anything that particularly spoke to you that you’d like to share, please either list it in the comments below or write a post on your blog and then put the link to that post (not your general blog link) in Mr. Linky below. I do ask that only family-friendly quotes be included. I hope you’ll visit some of the other participants as well and glean some great thoughts to ponder.

And please do comment even if you don’t have quotes to share!

Wednesday Hodgepodge

Posted on April 13, 2011 by Barbara Harper

Joyce From This Side of the Pond hosts a weekly Wednesday Hodgepodge of questions for fun and for getting to know each other.

Here are the questions for this week:

1. Would you rather talk to everyone at a crowded party for a short time or have a significant conversation with two people?

Definitely the latter. Although I feel I should get around to say hi to other people (though not necessarily everyone) rather than just holing myself in a corner, I’d much rather talk with just one or two people about something significant than chitchat with a lot of people.

2. What objects do you remember from your parent’s living room?

My mom collected owls, and I can’t remember how many she had at one point when I tried to count them — I am thinking over 100, but that may be exaggerated imagination. But she had scores of them, anyway. Most were figurines but one was a humongous wax one about 2 ft. high. She and my step-dad had recliners and there was a couch and love seat for the rest of us. And a pretty big entertainment center.

3. Do you hog the bed? Steal the covers? Snore?

I pretty much stay in the same spot all night, near the edge of the bed (so I can reach lamp, alarm clock, water bottle, tissues, etc., if needed.) In the morning, if my husband has not been in bed, my side of the covers is just folded back and very easy to remake the bed. I think he thinks I hog the covers because if he has gone to bed first, I sometimes have to pull them over — but he tends to “take his half out of the middle” (a phrase my mom used for people who drive down the middle of the road). I don’t think I snore when I am lying down, but sometimes I have woken (waked?) myself up snoring if I have fallen asleep in the desk chair or couch sitting up.

4. Speaking of Easter dinner….what is your favorite way to cook/eat lamb? Or does just the thought of that make you squeamish? If you’re not cooking lamb what will be your entree du jour on Easter Sunday?

I’ve never had lamb. I love meat in general and don’t have a problem eating animals, but there is something about the thought of eating a cute little lamb that makes me not want to. Though lamb would be fittingly symbolic for Easter, we usually have ham — and I feel funny about celebrating the resurrection of Jewish Savior with ham, but…..that’s what we usually have. I don’t know how it got to be tradition to eat ham for Easter, but it is. A local grocery store has a spiral-sliced brown sugar version that is very good and much cheaper than the name brand stores for such things. I usually also make cheesy potatoes and either broccoli or salad or Vegetable Medley. And we have Resurrection Rolls with breakfast.

5. Let’s throw some politics into this week’s mix-oooohhh…Do you know the whereabouts of your birth certificate and when was the last time you had to produce it to prove you’re you?

I couldn’t find it when after we moved here and the local DMV required it for driver’s license registration, though we have a file for that kind of thing. I need to send off for it — I still don’t have my TN driver’s license (sh, don’t tell…). The last time I remember needing it was when we applied for our marriage license. I don’t remember needing it for driver’s licenses in other states…but maybe I just don’t remember.

6. As a child, how did people describe you?

Quiet.

7. What do you complain about the most?

Out loud — probably being hot. Inwardly — probably thoughtlessness.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

I don’t understand why people put mushrooms in anything. They seem rubbery and don’t have any taste to me. They kind of gross me out — I usually pick them out of food if I can do so unobtrusively. (This just came to mind because I was disappointed to see some in my Chunky Soup today.)

The Week In Words

Posted on April 11, 2011 by Barbara Harper

This is one of those weeks when I have many I want to share, but I am afraid if I share all of them at once, some will lose their impact and get lost in the shuffle. But if I try to leave some for another week when I don’t have any….well, so far there has been only one week like that! So I think I will just get started and then decide what to do.

This is a quote from a former pastor on a friend’s Facebook:

“Obedience is not legalism. It is the beautiful response of spirit-enabled people to say yes to God.” — Mark Minnick

That’s a rich one that really needs some time to meditate on. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced being accused of legalism when you were simply trying to obey something you felt Scripture taught (and another differed on), but I have. Or, on the other hand, some people so emphasize grace that they don’t seem to see a need for obedience because they have grace for their disobedience. God provides grace in abundance when we fail, but He provides grace to obey and avoid failing, too if we ask Him (speaking here of the everday walk of a Christian — we all need God’s grace for salvation because we all have failed in the first place.)

This was seen at Challies in a review of the book Written in Tears by Luke Veldt which he wrote after reading Psalm 103 every day for a year after his teen-age daughter suddenly died. I haven’t read the book yet, but I want to.

Sometimes people of faith have a hard time remembering that suffering was an excruciatingly painful process for Job. ‘The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord,’ we quote Job brightly—forgetting that when he said it he had shaved his head and torn his clothes and that a few days later he was sitting on an ash heap, covering in painful boils and cursing the day he was born.

Don’t try to make the pain go away. The pain doesn’t go away. Hurt with me.

Rich advice for anyone wanting to help anyone suffering.

From a devotional titled The Invitation by Derick Bingham. commenting on John 7:37, 44:

You are not big enough to be the goal of your own existence. Make Him your goal.

The next few are from Jesus, Keep Me Near the Cross: Experiencing the Passion and Power of Easter, compiled by Nancy Guthrie.

From Adrian Rogers on Isaiah 53:7 concerning Jesus’s silence before His accusers (p. 53):

If Jesus had risen up in His own defense during His trials, I believe He would have been so powerful and irrefutable in making His defense that no governor, high priest, or other legal authority could have stood against Him! In other words, if Jesus had taken up His own defense with the intention of refuting His accusers and proving His innocence, He would have won! But we would have lost, and we would be lost for all eternity.

I had never thought about it that way before, but I am sure that that is at least one of the reasons for His silence.

And from Martyn Lloyd-Jones on Hebrews 2:14-15 (p. 77-78):

The world was very pleased with itself, was it not, as it looked upon him there dying upon the cross? That is why they laugh. That is why they are joking. At last they had got him, they had nailed him, they had killed him. He was finished….. The devil thought he was defeating Christ, but Christ was reconciling us to God, defeating the devil and delivering us out of His clutches.

If it was not so deadly serious, the irony would be amusing that when the devil did his worst against Christ, Christ was using that very act to redeem men and deliver them from the devil.

I think I will stop there today — I have another lengthy one but I think I will save it for its own post.

And please do comment even if you don’t have quotes to share!

Flashback Friday: Poetry

Posted on April 7, 2011 by Barbara Harper

Mocha With Linda hosts a weekly meme called Flashback Friday. She’ll post a question every Thursday, and then Friday we can link our answers up on her site. You can visit her site for more Flashbacks.

In honor of National Poetry Month, the prompt for today is:

What poems do you remember from your childhood? Did you have to memorize many poems for school when you were growing up? Did you learn any just for fun? Do you remember which ones they were–and can you still recite them? Did you have a poetry book that you liked to read? Do you enjoy poetry today? Do you prefer rhyming poetry or free verse? Whimsical poetry or epic poems that tell a story? Do you have a favorite poem or poet? Have you ever written any poems?

I must have been exposed to nursery rhymes early on, but my first conscience memory of poetry is from A Child’s Garden of Verses by Robert Louis Stevenson in first grade. Loved that book! My next memory concerning poetry involved making a poetry book a few years later. We were supposed to look up various poems, copy down our favorites, and illustrate them. I wish I still had that book! The only lines I remember from it are from one poem which said, “But I think mice/Are rather nice.” I do not think so now!!

I know I probably read more poetry in English classes through the years, but my next memory is of angst-filled poetry I both read and wrote as a teenager. I’ve written only a few in recent years, two silly and one serious: Ode to Hay Fever, Ode to a Summer Cold, and A Mother’s Nightly Ritual.

I do enjoy poetry today. Good poetry, anyway. When carefully chosen words really encapsulate a particular thought or feeling or truth in poetry, it just really hits home like nothing else.

In general I like rhyming poetry better than free verse — there is just something about the rhythm and disciple of rhyme that is beautiful. Free verse looks like it would be easier, but just stringing words down a page does not constitute a free verse poem, so in a way I think it might be harder to create something truly poetic as a free verse. But it can be done.

I like the idea of epic poems that tell an over-arching story — The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, etc. — but I think today’s readers would find it hard to sustain the thread of the story through that many verses. I enjoy “light verse” like Richard Armour‘s as well as devotional poetry like Amy Carmichael‘s.

I don’t know if I have a favorite poet, but the closest would probably be Robert Frost. Though his poems are mostly pretty short, he packs a lot of meaning in a few words that are accessible to most people today.

Some of my favorite poems of all time are:

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost
The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
How Do I Love Thee by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
To A Waterfowl by William Cullen Bryant
To a Mouse by Robert Burns
To a Louse by Robert Burns
A Red, Red Rose by Robert Burns
The Cotter’s Saturday Night by Robert Burns
The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe
Annabelle Lee by Edgar Allen Poe
To My Dear and Loving Husband by Anne Bradstreet.
September by John Updike
Am I a Stone and Not a Sheep? by Christina Rosetti
The Blue Bowl by Blanche Bane Kuder
The Blue Robe by Wendell Berry
October’s Party by George Cooper
I Am Not Skilled to Understand by Dorothy Greenwell

Do you have a favorite poem?

Wednesday Hodgepodge

Posted on April 6, 2011 by Barbara Harper

Joyce From This Side of the Pond hosts a weekly Wednesday Hodgepodge of questions for fun and for getting to know each other.

1. National Read a Road Map Day falls on April 5th. Would people say you have a good sense of direction? Do you rely on a GPS when you drive somewhere new? When was the last time you used a map?

No, I don’t have a good sense of direction at all. I need exact instructions. I haven’t used a fold-out paper map in…..oh….some years….but sometimes I do print out maps and directions from the Internet. Our satellite coverage from the GPS doesn’t seem to cover all the area here since we’ve moved, so printed directions help if we get stuck or the GPS can’t find the road we need. But I prefer the GPS to trying to read directions while driving. It’s been a tremendous help since we moved.

2. What’s your favorite cookbook?

The church cookbook from our previous church.

3. What painting would you like to “walk into” and experience? Why?

Wow, that’s a hard one. One of the first that comes to mind is The Journey to Emmaus, where two disciples were walking and discussing the events of the crucifixion and resurrection, and Jesus joins them, though they do not know it is Him yet. “And beginning at Moses and all the prophets, he expounded unto them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself” (Luke 24:27.) That would have been quite an interesting conversation!

4. What annoys you more- misspellings or mispronunciations?

Depends on whether I am reading or listening. 🙂 I don’t know — both annoy me. But I can understand typos and have them all too often myself, so maybe mispronunciations from newscasters and public speakers — seems that if they’re planning what they’re going to say they’d check out pronunciations ahead of time.

5. What is something your mother or father considered important?

My father’s biggest issue was respect.

6. Do you like or dislike schedules?

Yes. 🙂 I don’t particularly like them on a daily basis, but I do get more done with them than if I just meander through the day. But when any kind of big event is coming up, they’re essential and a big help.

7. Let’s have some fun with National Poetry Month (that would be April)…write your own ending to this poem-

“Roses are Red
Violets are blue…”

Incidentally if you’d like to read the history behind that little ditty you’ll find it here.

“It’s the time of year
Many people say, ‘Achoo!'”

8. Insert your own random thought in this space.

A few quotes seen here and there:

— “A chip on the shoulder is too heavy a piece of baggage to carry through life.” — John Hancock

— Every time history repeats itself the price goes up.

— A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

The Week In Words

Posted on April 4, 2011 by Barbara Harper

I have just a couple this week:

I am only about 24 pages into Women’s Ministry in the Local Church by J. Ligon Duncan and Susan Hunt, but this quote stood out to me:

If we lack interest in the church we lack what for Jesus was a consuming passion. Jesus loved the church and gave himself for it (Eph. 5:25). ~ Dr. Edmund Clowney

There seems to be a disregard or even a disdain for church these days, and this is a needed reminder of just how important it is in God’s eyes.

Then in Jesus, Keep Me Near the Cross: Experiencing the Passion and Power of Easter, compiled by Nancy Guthrie, J. Ligon Duncan III shares in the chapter “Betrayed, Denied, Deserted.” speaking of the moment when Judas betrays Jesus with a kiss:

We cannot help but admire the dignity of the Lord Jesus Christ as he goes through this indignity. He does it with magnanimity and with the sense that he is nor forsaken. He is not out of control. God’s providence is ruling over all. So the character and the calmness of Jesus remind us and provide an example for us in the midst of our own trials (p. 38-39).

And later in the same chapter:

In this statement, Jesus is stressing that is not not going to the cross because God lacks the power to stop it. Nor does Jesus lack the ability to ask of God to spare him. Instead, Jesus is going to the cross because he has chosen to go to the cross. He is not a passive victim. He is the prime actor. (p. 40).

This is so important to remember, especially as people’s thoughts turn toward the cross this season and they perhaps watch films dealing with the death of Christ. There are little clues throughout the gospels that Jesus was not a “passive victim,” but was very much in control of what happened when, and he went through it all willingly.

And please do comment even if you don’t have quotes to share!

Coping when husband is away

Posted on March 30, 2011 by Barbara Harper

The first time my husband was ever away overnight, I was a basket case. I thought I heard something in the leaves outside and frantically called my landlord, who patiently came over and checked the outside of the house for me. If I had to leave home while my husband was away, when I came back I wouldn’t feel comfortable until I checked every room and even every closet to make sure no one was lurking there.

Over the last thirty years, I have had to get used to him being away from home much more than either of us likes. Thankfully that’s not been as much of a problem since our last move.

Other ladies have sometimes commented to me that they could never handle having a husband travel as much as mine did. Believe me, I didn’t like it! And at the beginning of my married life, I would have despaired if I had known just how much my husband would be away. It is only the grace of God that has enabled me. I would like to share some things He has taught me along the way.

Acceptance

I used to pray that my husband would not have to travel as much. More correctly, I used to whimper and wail and and whine and tell the Lord it wasn’t meant to be this way, that husbands and wives were meant to be together. It seemed like the more I prayed, the more my husband ended up having to travel!

Of course, it isn’t wrong to pray that the Lord would change a difficult situation; but until He sees fit to do so, there has to be acceptance of the situation as allowed by Him. If He allows it, He will give grace for it. We may not like the situation, but focusing on that dislike can cause us to be stuck in discontent, resentment, even despondency.

Loneliness

Women marry for love, of course, but I believe the next biggest reason is companionship. Girls dream of finally being able to “be with” the man of their dreams “happily ever after.” It is a difficult adjustment to realize that the job, the children, and multitudes of tasks and commitments leave very little time to just “be with” each other. This is further compounded when a husband’s job requires him to travel.

While husbands and wives do need to be sure they make time for each other, most wives also have to realize at some point that their primary emotional and companionship needs are not to be fulfilled by their husbands. God has to have first place in those areas. No human being will ever be able to meet all of those needs all of the time. God does graciously give us husbands and friends, but our main fellowship and contentment must be from Him.

Once settled on that point, it is necessary for couples to keep in touch. I am thankful that my husband has been able to call me almost every night he has been away: in fact, sometimes we actually talk more when he is away than when he is home! For situations that don’t allow that, though, perhaps e-mailing or frequent notes would help.

A husband’s absence is a good time to focus on others, perhaps visiting an elderly neighbor or calling a girlfriend. Keeping busy, taking up a special project, or having specific goals of things you want to accomplish while he’s away can help pass the time.

Fear

One of the biggest things I have wrestled with when my husband was away was fear, though I don’t check closets when I come home any more (after 30 years of marriage and three children, there is no room in any closet for anyone to lurk anyway!) And once after checking locks and closets before going to bed one night, I woke up the next morning to find I had left my keys in the doorknob! All my efforts amounted to nothing, but God protected me anyway.

Originally the fears had to do with someone breaking in, but then I developed a couple of health problems which have required five emergency room visits between them; so new fears developed about the possibility of something happening to me when my husband was away. The Lord has dealt with me and helped me from His Word many, many times in regard to fear. Though He uses husbands to protect us, ultimately our protection is from Him. One moment that crystallized that truth for me occurred when I was lying in bed and realized that even if my husband was right next to me, I could fall ill or even die, and he would not be able to do anything about it. Now, that may not sound like much comfort! But it helped me realize as never before that my health and safety are of the Lord, not my husband.

Incidentally, God did allow one of those emergency room visits when my husband was away. When I needed to go, I was able to call a friend who was nearby, who also graciously stayed with me til the early hours of the morning when I was released. My oldest son was old enough at the time to watch the other two; my youngest was already asleep, so he was spared being frightened by the situation. My friend’s husband offered to come and stay with the children. Another friend called while I was at the hospital, and, upon learning of the situation, offered to come over or to come and take the kids to school the next day. God took care of every detail.

Children

I think perhaps a mother with young children at home has the hardest time with a husband’s absence. She looks to him not only for a little relief in giving the children care and attention, but also for adult conversation. When he is away, perhaps trading off babysitting time with another friend would help, or little excursions like going to the park or even for a walk with another friend.

A mother also needs to keep things consistent even when Dad is away. Standards and punishments should be the same: nothing should “slide” when Dad isn’t there. “Wait until your father gets home” doesn’t work when Dad won’t be home for three days and Junior is young enough to need immediate dealing with to reinforce the principles you want him to learn. I am about the most indecisive person I know, and so many situations come when my husband isn’t there that I have really wrestled with knowing what to do. When I can, I wait until I can talk with my husband; but God does promise wisdom when we ask Him for it, and He has given it many times.

It can be easy for Mom to spend even less time with the children when Dad is away, either because there is just more to do with one less person in the house to do it, or because she is keeping extra-busy to keep her mind off his absence. Depending on the children’s ages, perhaps Mom can do some fun things with them to help them with their loneliness while Dad is away: play games, read together more, rent a special video. In our case, there is a nearby pizza restaurant that my husband doesn’t care for but my children love, so sometimes we’ll stop there for a meal when Dad’s gone. This relieves another problem: it used to be that, when my husband was gone for several days, I would be ready to get out of the house and go out somewhere when he came back. He, on the other hand, having been away and eating out for days, was ready to stay home and have a home-cooked meal. So now I try to take the children out if Dad is away for an extended time so we get that out of our system before he comes home. There are also some very simple meals that my children love that my husband isn’t crazy about that we have when he is gone.

Danger zones

Every individual has his or her quirks that make for adjustments in marriage. When one spouse is away, sometimes those adjustments have to be made to some degree all over again when he returns.

We have to be careful not to let resentment build up against our loved one. We need to guard against stray thoughts that can lead to a root of bitterness: “He could have gotten out of that trip if he tried.” We may feel that is actually true. Or, “Why doesn’t he find a different job where he doesn’t have to travel so much?” We have to help our children with disappointments when Dad can’t be there for the big game or the recital. Life doesn’t always work out like the family movies where Dad leaves his company in the lurch to get home at a crucial time. We may wish it did. We, or the children, may not understand why Dad could not be there for the special occasion. It is hard, but we have to accept it and not resent it or him. Beyond just trying to “grin and bear it,” perhaps we can think of fun ways to include Dad in special occasions he has to miss: a video recording of the event (possibly even styled as a news report), or an e-mail write-up including a picture.

Though naturally we will be lonely and maybe even tearful when a spouse is away, we have to be careful not to just give ourselves over to grief and pine away the whole time he is gone. On the opposite end of the spectrum, when we realize we’re not to be so emotionally dependent on our husbands, we can tend to pull back a little too far and become almost aloof in an effort to insulate ourselves from loneliness, or we can get so busy that we’re hardly aware he is gone — and then hardly have time for him when he is home. Our Lord can help us find the right balance.

A friend once told me it was easy for her to get a little too independent when her husband was away for a long time. Though we have to make decisions and direct the family when he is away, we need to remember we are still in submission to him and try to make decisions in light of what we think he would want us to do — and not resent a possible reversal of that decision when he comes home. Once when my husband arrived back at home, one of my sons was due to attend an event soon. My son was displaying a bad attitude, and my husband told him he would not be able to attend that event if he didn’t change his attitude. Immediately I began to think, “That’s not fair! You haven’t been here; you don’t know the circumstances; you don’t know how he has been looking forward to that event!” But I had to rebuke myself, because my son was sinning with his attitude, and even though I would have handled the situation differently, my husband was still in charge. Happily, my son changed his attitude and was able to attend his event, and happily, the Lord set a watch before my lips and prevented me from creating an even bigger problem!

Pray for him

Once when my husband was out of town with a colleague, they stopped to eat dinner. Some time during their conversation, the other man noticed two girls and said, “There are two chicks just ripe for the picking.” My husband explained that he wasn’t interested in pursuing women. That incident jolted me to the realization that I needed to pray for his protection from temptation.

Pray also for his witness. People in secular jobs have an opening with folks who would be unlikely to darken the door of a church, and long hours of travel with a colleague can naturally open the door to talk about the Lord.

Of course, it is natural to pray for his safety, but we can also pray for his health (our family has learned from experience that falling sick while traveling is a trial!), for his business, meetings, etc. to go well.

Conclusion

Some years ago my pastor preached through a section of the Psalms that men sang on their way to Jerusalem. There were a few times a year men were called to go to Jerusalem, leaving their families behind, and those particular psalms were sung by the men on the way. My pastor pointed out the faith it took to go away, trusting God to take care of the loved ones back home. My thoughts, as the “loved one at home,” considered the situation from that angle, trusting the Lord to take care of us at home as well as the loved one on the road. That sermon also helped me realize that, in the providence pf God, He sometimes does call a husband to be away: it isn’t just circumstances or the job. That helped me immensely to trust that He had all things under His control, and to trust that Him for the sufficient grace He promises in His Word for all things: “And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work,” (II Cor. 9:8) and “He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” (II Cor. 12:9.10)

This post will be linked to “Works For Me Wednesday,” where you can find a plethora of helpful hints each week at We Are THAT family on Wednesdays, as well as Women Living Well.

The Week In Words

Posted on March 28, 2011 by Barbara Harper

Here are a few that ministered to me this week:

From a friend’s Facebook:

“Order and beauty are contagious. So are disorder and ugliness. I want my house to reflect the peace and order of heaven.” ~ T. Sparrow

I quoted this post of Challies’ on Saturday, but I wanted to share this quote from it here as well:

Humility is not found in doubting what is true, but in believing that what God says is true is true indeed.

I saw this at Diane’s Facebook:

We profess to be strangers and pilgrims, seeking after a country of our own, yet we settle down in the most un-stranger-like fashion, exactly as if we were quite at home and meant to stay as long as we could.”— Amy Carmichael

That’s convicting to me because I have a pretty strong “nesting” instinct, which I don’t think is wrong in itself, but I have to remember this world, this home, is not permanent.

From an e-mail devotional of Elisabeth Elliot, taken from her book On Asking God Why:

I seek the lessons God wants to teach me, and that means that I ask why. There are those who insist that it is a very bad thing to question God. To them, “why?” is a rude question. That depends, I believe, on whether it is an honest search, in faith, for his meaning, or whether it is a challenge of unbelief and rebellion. The psalmist often questioned God and so did Job. God did not answer the questions, but he answered the man–with the mystery of himself.

From another friend’s Facebook:

“Great thoughts of your sin alone will drive you despair; but great thoughts of Christ will pilot you into the haven of peace.” -C. H. Spurgeon (March 27, Evening)

And please do comment even if you don’t have quotes to share!

Wednesday Hodgepodge

Posted on March 23, 2011 by Barbara Harper

Joyce From This Side of the Pond hosts a weekly Wednesday Hodgepodge of questions for fun and for getting to know each other.

1. Sunday was the first day of spring. So they say. Ahem.

What is your favorite outdoor springtime activity?

I don’t actually do much outdoors in springtime because of allergies. So I guess I’d say — noticing when we drive somewhere what new things are growing and blooming.

2. Who would you want to come into your kitchen to cook dinner for you?

The people who cook at Cracker Barrel. Or one of the guys from Kanpai — those Chinese places where they cook the food on a big grill right in front of you. Except then we’d need to get one of those big industrial sized grills — unless they bring their own. 🙂

3. When did you last fly a kite?

Oh, let’s see….over 16 years ago, I think, when the boys were younger. Maybe less than that. If it were 16 years ago, Jesse would’ve been just 1, and I think we’ve flown kites with him. It’s been a while, anyway.

4. What topic puts you to sleep faster than anything?

Politics.

5. Which flowers do you associate with specific people, places, or events?

I tend to associate carnations with corsages worn at special programs, concerts, etc., at college. I wonder why we don’t see them in arrangements much? They are one of the few flowers which has a scent I like that doesn’t make me sneeze — at least the last time I had any. I know one or two people who really like sunflowers and a couple who like daisies. I grew up in Texas and of course associate bluebonnets with TX. Azaleas and dogwoods remind me of SC.

6. What significant historical events took place during your elementary school days?

I remember when JFK was shot and watching footage of some of the moon landings. I also remember when the end of the Viet Nam war (or our involvement in it) was announced.

7. Do you swear? Do you pseudo-swear? (You know crap, shoot, etc.?)

No, except for “shoot” — I don’t consider that a euphemism for anything. I feel pretty strongly about this and wrote about it in The Language of Christians a few years ago.

A couple of the guiding principles there:

But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment (Mattehw 12:36).

In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you (Titus 2:7-8).

8. Insert your own random thought here.

Does anyone else watch The Biggest Loser? I wish they could have let the girl who wanted to go home count as the one leaving for the week rather than having to vote between the two that they did. Her whole attitude last night was really weird.