Singleness

A couple of years ago my oldest son and some of his other friends who had no girlfriends declared Valentine’s Day S. A. D.  — Single Awareness Day.  🙂

I can imagine that this day can feel awkward, sad, or even painful for single people.

Some years ago my eyes were opened, so to speak, about how things can look and feel to single people in church (in general, not just in relation to Valentine’s Day) by the article “Single on Sunday Morning” by Camerin Courtney. One comment she makes is, “I think churches, in their quest to restore ‘family values’ to modern society, have simply overlooked those of us who aren’t currently in families.” I think that can be true. In discussions about this with single ladies on a couple of Christian message boards I have participated in, I’ve tried to convey that families do need help. Society does seem to be undermining the Christian concept of a family, and, even if it wasn’t, most people don’t go into marriage or parenthood knowing what it is all about (those who think they do are usually humbled very quickly. 🙂 ) Plus, “all Scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable…” (II Timothy 3:16-17). There are passages directed to pastors, husbands, fathers, oxen-owners, etc., that may not seem to apply to me directly, but when I come to those in the Bible or hear them preached on in church, I need to try to see what God wants me to see and understand from those passages. So, too, with passages or messages about marriage and family — there are many parallels between those relationships and our relationship with God.

Yet, I can see how church can seem to be geared towards couples and families. Not long after discovering this article, our Sunday School class leader was discussing an upcoming fellowship for our class. Someone asked if they could bring children, and our leader said, “No, this event is couples-only.” I know he meant adults rather than couples, but I winced at that, especially as two single ladies in my line of vision looked at each other and smiled (and, ironically, the event was being held at the home of one of them).

I am not sure what all of the answers are, except to watch out for that kind of thing and to try to be more thoughtful and sensitive. I am sure the answer is not for single people to pull away. Another comment Camerin made in the above article was, “I think we singles have been guilty of segregating ourselves and not operating as fully-functioning parts of the body of Christ.” If you study some of the single women mentioned in the Bible — Anna, Mary Magdalene, Mary and Martha, Lydia, Dorcas — they are all active in the body of Christ, very much a part of things, serving Him and serving others.

I have known some single women who felt 100% sure that God wanted them single and were happy to be so. I’ve known some who seemed very hurt and sensitive, almost bitter about being single. And I have known some who were willing to be single if God wanted them to be but really would like to be married and tried to patiently wait on Him while sometimes battling with contentment and loneliness.

If I may share this, that’s something we all have in common no matter what our situation: we all have to deal with contentment and loneliness, just in different particulars. Even married people can feel lonely when a spouse is away, disagrees with them, or doesn’t understand them. That’s one of the things you read in almost any article or book about marriage or relationships: no one person can ever meet all of your needs all of the time or understand you fully and completely. Married or single, we need to be secure in our relationship with the Lord and in who we are in Him.

In some ways I am even hesitant to write these things for fear of a “Well, what would you know about it” reaction. I want to be encouraging, not come across as patronizing. But let me share a couple of other articles by single women. One is by the same Camerin Courtney about 6 years after the one I mentioned earlier, titled “Renegotiating My Seat in the House of God.” I had been pondering these two articles for some time already when the e-mail devotional I receive daily from Back to the Bible made up of Elisabeth Elliot’s writings delivered one titled “Singleness Is a Gift” (As I went to link to that one, I saw that Back to the Bible no longer includes the devotionals from previous days: only the current day’s devotionals are there. In searching for and trying to find a link to the article, I kept getting error messages. That’s too bad — it was a very good article!! But it was from her book On Asking God Why.) Also, I just discovered a discussion at Challies in response to the post, “A Question For the Single Folk.”

I’ve gone from Valentine’s Day to the church at large, but if I can bring us back to this day, for a moment, may I share one bit of unsolicited advice? If someone wishes you a Happy Valentine’s Day today, please don’t, as someone did to me today, respond by saying, “Happy Wednesday.” That does come acoss as bitter and feels like a slap in the face to one who only wanted to wish you well and to share a bit of love. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be just about romantic love.

But whatever you do today, whether you acknowledge Valentine’s Day or not, I hope you have a good day and know that you are loved. 🙂

If you have commented…..

….in the last day or two, and it hasn’t shown up, would you let me know by e-mailing me at barbarah06 (at) gmail (dot) com? There seems to be some kind of issue behind the scenes here. The built-in “spam catcher” is saying there is spam, but there is none there when I click to look at it, and sometimes legitimate comments get caught in there. Usually I take a quick look through the caught spam and “unspam” any legit comments, but if it is deleting stuff before I see it, then I may have lost some of your comments, and I treasure those. 🙂 I’ve let WordPress know about the problem, but if that has happened and I can tell them about it, that will help.

Hidden Treasures blog awards

Everyday Mommy is hosting the First Annual Hidden Treasure Blog Awards. She writes:

The idea is simple; to recognize blog authors of excellence, with deserving posts which may go unnoticed.

All of us have our favorite blogs, the ones we read faithfully. They are dear friends, like a comfortable pair of shoes, perfectly broken in. But, we can also find ourselves in a rut, reading the same blogs week after week, and overlooking those hidden gems which may require a little more digging. But, as my mom taught me, anything worth having is worth working for.

The categories in which we can nominate posts are: Children & Family, Faith, Marriage, Motherhood, Homemaking, Humor, Current Events and Life.

More details about this are here. Nominations continue through Feb. 7; voting begins Feb. 8. Information about how to nominate is here.

I hope you will help bring some of your favorite, off-the-beaten path bloggers’ posts to light. I haven’t quite decided on my nominations yet — I know at least one of them but I am still pondering the rest.

Snow Day…

…though it’s not snow, exactly. More like falling slush balls, my husband said when he went out to get the paper. There is supposed to be some combination of snow/rain/freezing rain/sleet throughout the day (what’s the difference between sleet and freezing rain, I wonder? I suppose I could go look it up.) When I turned on the news to see if our school was closed for the day the weatherman meteorologist said a “winter storm warning” was in effect until 6 am tomorrow.

Somehow I totally missed the forecast until later yesterday afternoon when my kids came home excited about the possibility of school being closed. I was at the store for a few things and wondered why the parking lot was so uncharacteristically full for that time of day — one of the regular news stories every year when we have a snow or ice forecast is how everyone buys out all of the milk and bread the day before.

I’m glad we have a snug, warm home. One problem, though, with this weather, especially with any iciness, is power outages, usually from tree limbs breaking off and falling onto power lines. The power lines in our neighborhood are below ground, but evidently somewhere between here and the power plant they are above ground, because it is not unusual to have some loss of power during a winter storm. I’m hoping that doesn’t happen (for the whole area, not just for me). We’re ok if it does. We have a fireplace downstairs and a stack of fire wood from last year that never got used. One room that was added onto the house by the previous owners has a gas heater. We have candles and flashlights and some D batteries (I should have gotten more of those). We have a little camp stove that we could probably use in front of a window or door (for the necessary ventilation) for however long we would need to heat something up. We have sandwich stuff. We wouldn’t have hot water for showers, but we could make do. I know people did for years without electricity. But there is something about being without electricity that just makes me cringe. I don’t like the darkness. Once when we lived in GA and our area got hit by hurricane Opal, we were without power for 3 or 4 days, and it just felt so stifling to not have full light. After the third day we went out to eat at a place nearby that did have power just to get out of the dark house. But — that’s a minor thing compared to what a lot of people have to face, so I an trying to keep it in perspective and remembering the Scriptural principle about not fretting about what the future might bring.

I am pretty much housebound in weather like this since the transverse myelitis. Both my balance and footing are faulty — my lower legs are not totally numb, but the sensation isn’t all quite there — and that combination makes slippery places a hazard for me. But I am fine with being inside since we’re well-stocked with groceries and I won’t need to go anywhere until tomorrow.

What’s going to make the day a challenge is that the monthly newsletter/booklet I write for our church ladies’ group is due out the first Sunday of the month — which is this Sunday — which I usually have ready to take to the church office to copy and staple on Friday — and for which the Thursday before is a day of heavy writing and finishing up — which will be interesting this particular Thursday with everyone home. We’ll see how it goes!

Odds and Ends

(Photo Hunt post is a couple of posts below this.)

If you have some time to kill and just want to be entertained, try this Virtual Bubble Wrap. Or you could go to Flickr.com and peruse the Stick Figures in Peril. My son showed me this a while back. We’ve all seen warning signs on everything under the sun with those little hapless stick figures in various dangerous situations, showing us what not to do. They are not meant to be funny, of course — but some of them are. And the comments on some of the pictures are even more hilarious (caution: the language isn’t always the best, but most of what I have seen is ok). Someone made a group for them on Flickr. Some of my favorites are here, here, here, and here.

I didn’t have Jane Eyre on my winter reading list at first, though it is another classic I always wanted to read “some day.” But after seeing the first half of the new PBS production of it which was on last Sun. night, I put it on my list and started it yesterday! I saw an earlier production of it with Ciaran Hinds as Mr. Rochester, but there are some differences between this production and that one. I don’t know which one is supposed to be closer to the book. I must have seen an even earlier production of it at some point, because I’ve been basically familiar with the storyline.

Mrs. B. at Cherish the Home wrote a wonderful post a few days ago about what SAHW (stay at home wives) can do while waiting on the Lord for children. Another post of hers on humility provoked thought by reminding us that God doesn’t tell us to wait on Him to humble us but tells us to Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time” (I Peter 5:6). Of course, we can only do so with the Lord’s help. But clearly there is activity rather than passivity here, and I tend to just pray and ask God to make me humble when He tells me here to take action.

There is a beautiful poem called “To a Homemaker” here at Stephanie’s Musings of a Mountain Mama.

There is a good interview with Jamie Langston Turner, author of Winter Birds and five other novels, here.

On the topic of writing, Elisabeth Elliot wrote a piece on what I would call “Writing by Faith” but which she titled “The Trail to Shandia” here. (The title will make sense when you read it. 🙂 ) I thought the last paragraphs were interesting in light of the struggle several bloggers have written about (and I struggle with myself), the desire for approval. Of course we have to do what we do, even blogging, as unto the Lord whether we get any feedback or not. But these words comforted me that that desire is a ver human one and not always wrong:

“Do I need approval?” Answer: yes. Does anybody not need approval? Is there anybody who is content to live his life without so much as a nod from anybody else? Wouldn’t he be, of all men, the most devilishly self-centered? Wouldn’t his supreme solitude be the most hellish? It’s human to want to know that you please somebody.

Sometimes readers of things that I write tell me long afterward that they have thought of writing me a letter, or have written one and discarded it, thinking, “She doesn’t need my approval.” Well, they’re mistaken–for wouldn’t it be a lovely thing to know that a footprint you have left on the trail has, just by being there, heartened somebody else?

One of the saddest anniversaries

I hadn’t realized until late yesterday afternoon while reading Cindy’s blog at Notes In the Key of Life that yesterday was the 34th anniversary of the Roe vs. Wade decision that led to legal abortions.

I think this is one of our greatest national tragedies. It makes me unfathomably sad.

Every year at the Wed. night prayer meeting before or after this date, the man who leads our prayer time asks everyone who has been born since that date to come and sit on the first few rows. Those were the ones who were spared, who were allowed to live (I can hardly fathom that phrase, allowed to live. If it were in any other context there would be national outrage). Then to think of how much greater that number would be, to think of all the missing faces of our population due to abortion — 47,282,923, according to Carmon — it is just mind-boggling.

LaShawn Barber has an excellent blog post for that day as does Crystal at Bibilcal Womanhood.

Another why…

A while back my “Thursday Thirteen” dealt with some of the “whys” of life. There was one I had been thinking of but forgot to include: why do people in the next car or the next house like to treat everyone within earshot to their choice of music? Especially when it is loud banging music? It’s quite gracious of them to want to share their cultural experience with us, but, really, I’d prefer to just sit in my quiet, peaceful, tranquil car or home….if I only could.

Bloggy Happenings

Wow! I found two upcoming fun events around the blogosphere in my Bloglines this morning.


Everyday Mommy is hosting the First Annual Hidden Treasure Blog Awards the first week in February. She writes:

The rules are:

Your mission is to scour the mommy blogosphere for hidden treasure. Read through archives, visit new blogs and find that well-written gem. This can come from a favorite blog which you already read or a blog you’ve discovered during the treasure hunt. But, the idea is to find well-written posts which are off the beaten path.

The categories are: Children & Family, Faith, Marriage, Motherhood, Homemaking, Humor, Current Events and Life. No profanity, questionable or offensive material is permitted.

Click on the button to the left or the link above for more details as to how and when to submit entries.

Ultimate Blog Party

Susan and Janice at 5 Minutes For Mom are hosting “The Ultimate Blog Party” the first week in March and even offerings prizes. 🙂 Click on the button to read more about it.

Bloggy Prayer Requests

kelli11.jpg

You may have seen this button around the blogosphere the last few days. BooMama has been sponsoring a contribution drive for Kelli, a mom needing a kidney transplant. As I understand it contributions can still be made (almost $9,000 raised so far!!), but please also pray — there are many details and considerations along the way before this becomes a reality.

Also pray for Ashley and Emma Grace, two little girls with extremely serious helath needs.

Odds and Ends

One thing. I read one of the neatest posts yesterday at 2nd cup of coffee based on the phrase “one thing” in the Bible. It was not only inspiring but simplifies any resolutions we need to make.

200 calories. My oldest son sent me this interesting link titled “What Does 200 Calories Look Like?” (Shouldn’t that be “do” rather than “does,” though? In my brain fog [see below] it doesn’t look quite right.) Anyway, it has pictures of the 200-calorie equivalent of various foods. In what should be a no-brainer, you can get a lot more celery and broccoli for 200 calories than you can peanut butter and Hershey’s kisses (if only those didn’t taste so good…) Though we know that on one level, it is an eye-opener to see it. I only wish the site had used something other than grams for its measurements, like cups or tablespoons.

Blogging helper. Shannon @ Rocks In My Dryer and Chilihead @ Don’t Try This At Home have launched a new site to help beginning bloggers called Blogging Basics 101. I think it is a great idea. Probably most of us wish something like this had been around when we started.

Bleah. Somehow we all got through the Christmas season without getting sick, except for my husband. He had a horrible cold and still has a pretty bad cough. Tuesday I started having a sore throat and runny nose, progressed to coughing and feeling this morning like my cheeks are about to fall off. I hope it doesn’t spread to the rest of the family just as everyone is getting back to school and work. I’d rather have this, though, than the stomach thing some others have been going through. A lot of people around here have had it as have a number of bloggers’ families. In fact, as I have read about it, I’ve wanted to keep my distance from the screen and disinfect the keyboard lest germs sneak though. 🙂