Category Archives: Stray thoughts

More ramblings

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Well, yesterday I wrote a post full of praise and amazement at how the Lord helped me get so many necessary things done.

Then the rest of the day went downhill.

I mentioned that there was one present I wanted to make but had not started on. I thought I might go ahead and start on it and just see how far I got — I could still send the package in question out today and it would still get there in time. So I headed out for the needed supplies, couldn’t find exactly what I was looking for but settled on what I thought I needed, got home……and it was the opposite of the Midas touch — everything just seemed to go wrong (I have to be purposefully vague about the details because this is all still a surprise). After several hours I had to go back out again for supplies and start from scratch.

Part of me thought, “Lord, what’s wrong? I was just ‘bragging’ on you this morning about how much you helped me get done.” It felt like just after praising Him, then He removed His hand and let me fall flat. I don’t think that is really what was happening — that was just my first human reaction.

I don’t really know what was going on, though. I know Elisabeth Elliot has written several times that often just before or after she speaks on a particular subject, she’ll be tested on that very subject. I am not one to blame the devil for every little negative thing that happens (I don’t really think he would care about what I do for Christmas presents….though of course he cares about my actions and reactions). Maybe, probably, it was just “life in a fallen world.” Maybe I needed further reinforcement of the lesson about using time wisely.

But God is the same. He is still good, loving, and kind whether my day is going swimmingly or whether I am meeting with frustration at every turn.

Habakkuk, after just receiving some very bad news from the Lord about what was coming for Israel, concludes his prophecy by saying, “Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls; Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The LORD God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds’ feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places” (Habbakuk 3:17-19).

Maybe that was the lesson — or at least one lesson.

The present is obviously not going to make it into today’s package, and I do have something else for the person for whom it was intended. Said person does have a birthday coming up, so I will aim for that event instead.

Ramblings

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Whew!

A little over a week ago, I had only one Christmas present purchased, Christmas cards purchased but not addressed, stamped, or signed, Christmas letter unwritten, and some ladies’ ministry responsibilities that needed to be taken care of before I could start in on my Christmas things. And when the realization of all that I needed to do and the shortness of the time hit me, I began to panic. True, Christmas isn’t all about the “stuff” that needs to be done — but stuff still needs to be done, especially when you consider most of it a way to minister to people.

And the bad part was….this was unequivocally my own fault. Some of these things had been on my mind to do for weeks. I would think, “Oh, yeah, I need to get to that….” and then use my time unwisely (too often on the computer 😳 ). The worst part was the ladies’ ministry responsibilities. (I don’t say much about that ministry here because I don’t want it to seem as if I am drawing attention to what “I” do — you know all those verses about letting what you do for the Lord be done in secret. I don’t feel that way when other people write about their ministry involvement, and I enjoy reading it, but as long as I have that little feeling that I should refrain, then I probably should.) Jeremiah 48:10a says, “Cursed be he that doeth the work of the LORD deceitfully,” and the NASB translates it, “Cursed be the one who does the LORD’S work negligently.” I felt I had been handling those responsibilities negligently.

I confessed that negligence, poor use of time, and selfishness to the Lord and asked for His help and grace to get the things done that needed to be done.

In the past I would often beat myself up with guilt for days and days, but, you know, once you confess a sin, repent of it, ask forgiveness, accept it by faith, and determine with God’s grace and help to rectify the situation and take steps to avoid it in the future, though you still feel bad when you think of the incident, it is really a waste of time to beat yourself up over something God has graciously forgiven you for.

He amazingly, graciously enabled me to get a load of stuff done this week: ladies’ ministry responsibilities taken care of, Christmas letter written, cards signed, addressed, stamped, picture of the boys taken and printed to include in cards, one Christmas package sent out of town and another just about ready, and some gifts ordered online and plans to get the rest this week. And all with a lot less panic and stress than I would have thought. There was one gift I wanted to make (something else that I knew about for a couple of months but just never did get started) that I haven’t done yet, but the recipient has a birthday soon so I may save it for that. I am still trying to decide — I think I may start on it today and just see how far I get. And I was even able to still do a bit of blogging, when I thought I was going to have to barely touch the computer this week.

Isn’t He wonderful?

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need (Hebrews 4:16).

But thou, O Lord, art a God full of compassion, and gracious, long suffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth (Psalm 86:15).

Missing Mom

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One year ago today, Dec. 10, my husband and I were at our adult Sunday School class Christmas party when we received a phone call from my oldest son saying that my sister in Texas had been trying to reach us. We each checked our cells phones and saw several missed calls; somehow we just hadn’t heard them over the conversations. My first thought was that my mom, who also lived in Texas, must be in the hospital again. She had been in the hospital several times over the years with congestive heart failure and complications from diabetes. We went out onto the front porch where it was quiet and we could get a signal on our cell phone and called my sister. We were stunned to learn that my mom had passed away suddenly. She was out shopping with my youngest sister and nephew; while they were in the car, my sister noticed my mom had not finished her sentence, looked over, and saw her slumped over. She apparently had a massive heart attack. They called an ambulance and they worked on her for a long time, but it was no use; she was gone.

I suppose on some level we always knew it was a possibility. Years earlier she had been told she needed triple bypass surgery, but she was terrified of it and refused. They treated her with medication and diet, and finally she got to the point that she was no longer a candidate for the surgery. Through each hospitalization she somehow bounced back, so we thought we would have several more years and weren’t really prepared.

We were able to go back into the house and get our coats and my purse without alerting attention: I wanted people to know, but I just didn’t want to face them right then. I did run into a good friend who had also lost her mother not long before, and we cried on each other’s shoulders for a bit. Our Sunday School leader and pastor came out onto the front porch and prayed with us before we left and told us to let them know if there was anything they could do.

We went home, explained what had happened to the boys, and began trying to figure out when we could go to Texas, how, and with whom. My two oldest sons faced college exams that week and felt it was just really a bad time for them to miss, so it was decided my husband, youngest son, and I would fly from South Carolina to Texas; two of my sisters, a niece, and the boyfriend of one sister who live about 40 minutes from us would drive.

It was something of a family reunion: my step-father, brother, four sisters and I and most of our families were there as well as my mother’s sister, niece, two brothers, one sister-in-law, and a cousin and his wife. I had not seen my aunt and uncles for a long time. It was a joy to see everyone, to catch up and reminisce through laughter and tears.

One of my concerns was who was going to preach at the funeral. My mom and step-dad weren’t church-going people (though I found out later they had just started attending my youngest sister’s church) and I didn’t know if someone, a stranger who might be from who knows what kind of church, might be recommended by the funeral home. At some point in the discussion of details, my sister asked about my former pastor from the church I had attended when I lived there. He had retired and wasn’t in the best of health, but I called him, and he graciously agreed to take the funeral. That was a blessing on many counts: my mom had attended church there only a few times, but at least he was familiar with her and our family, and I knew he would preach the gospel. I prayed for God to give him wisdom, the right words, the right tone, the right approach. Some of my family is unsaved; some believe in a general way, but I am just not sure if they believed in a saving way. There is a difference. James 2:19 says, “Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.” Someone can believe that there is a God and yet not be saved, and I so wanted to truth of the gospel to go out, yet not in a harsh, brow-beating way, but in a tender, caring way.

I knew that my mom also definitely believed in a general way. I never heard her say in so many words that she had “accepted Christ” or was saved or any of the terms that seem most to pinpoint salvation. I had so wanted her to come to that point. I am ashamed to say I am a very cowardly witness in person, though I could and did write about the gospel many times, and she was very reluctant to talk about this particular area, so though we talked around it and I wrote a great deal about it, I never had a very clear reassurance that she was saved. Yet I believe there was a change in her life. At one point — I can’t remember if it was during a heart episode or if it was when she was facing amputation of some toes and perhaps more due to diabetes — I sent out a mass email prayer request, and many people wrote back to say they were praying. Some even wrote out what they were praying. I printed all those and sent them to her (that was before she had e-mail). She was so touched that people she didn’t know were praying for her, and from time to time she would ask me to have people pray for various things. I think that was one of the major things that softened her heart toward the Lord. Twenty years ago she didn’t want to hear anything about it. Through the years of sending her Christian books and such to read, and sending-emails back and forth, she has grown more open to the Lord. In the last few years, there were things she had e-mailed that made me wonder if, on her own and in the quietness of her heart, she did ask the Lord to save her. She was always resistant to talk about it face to face or on the phone, but her demeanor, the things she said, her attitude, all have changed dramatically over the years. That is my hope, anyway. I know that salvation is a matter of faith, not necessarily of using just the “right” words.

My former pastor preached a very clear, very tender salvation message. You know, I’m not one who likes a lot of “Amen-ing” in services — when it’s loud or happens a lot, it is distracting to me — but throughout the service I heard various quiet statements of “Amen,” “That’s right,” “Yes!” — and I can’t tell you the good it did my heart to know there were others of like precious faith there. The pastor said many people told him afterward that they were so glad the gospel was presented. That, to me, was an indication of the answer to another long-standing prayer request, that God would send other Christians my mom’s way, perhaps in her job or other relationships.

We had such good visits with the family, but it was so eerie to be home without mom there. I kept expecting her to come around a corner. At one point before everyone began to leave to return home, some wanted to take pictures of various family groups. When my mother’s siblings grouped together for their shot, my heart caught to see them grouped together without her.

The Lord answered so much prayer not only for those days but also for travel, health concerns, and the boys. It was the first time we had left Jeremy totally alone for several days. That was helpful for his finals. 🙂 But as a mom I was concerned for his safety, for everything in the house working in proper order, etc. I think we had leftovers or things for him to eat, and one family invited him over for dinner one evening. On the day we traveled home, there was a big ice storm. Our connecting flight in Atlanta was delayed, and during a phone call to Jeremy we found out all the power was off at home. Jeremy was supposed to pick us up, and I was concerned about him driving in the ice. We were supposed to drive to Jason’s school, about half an hour from the airport, to get him and his “stuff” from college for Christmas break. Though our flight was delayed, eventually everything came together and we all got home safely. I found out later it took one of my uncles 24 hours to get home due to delayed flights because of the ice storm: at some point we would have all been in the Atlanta airport at the same time, but we didn’t know it.

God blessed us through so many people: my former pastor, friends at church here: one dear friend brought home-made muffins over before we left and had a meal for us our first night back home; others were “on call” for Jeremy while he was here alone; many here and across the country prayed, sent cards that ministered to us, and just cared. We were so blessed.

In the musical, Les Miserables, there is a line Collette sings to her father when she finds out he is dying: “It’s too soon, too soon to say good-bye.” That is exactly how I felt. I am sure a quick, sudden death is probably easier on the dying, but it does mean the living don’t get a chance to say, “Good-bye,” to give one last hug. That’s one thing I most regret. I found out later that one of my mother’s “horrors” was that she would die alone or die in the hospital. It was a comfort, then, that it didn’t happen that way. Though I am sure it was traumatic to my sister and nephew to witness her death and the paramedics working on her, I hope it was a comfort to them that she wasn’t alone, she was with people she loved doing what she wanted to do.

It hasn’t been the easiest year. I never knew sorrow could be such a constant ache. I remember thinking of other friends who had lost loved ones, and though I expressed sympathy, I thought, “Oh, if I had only known it hurt this much, I would have done more.” I couldn’t go anywhere near Hallmark around Mother’s Day. I went there in the spring to look for some things for our annual ladies’ luncheon at church, and saw some spring salt and pepper shakers she would have loved and a few “mother” things, and had a good cry. There have been several moments like that through the year. I thought that that particular ladies’ luncheon, the day before Mother’s Day, would be really hard, but the Lord got me through. One of the things I miss the most is our phone calls. We talked frequently, but particularly on holidays I would call in the evenings after the festivities were over and everyone else would have left. That’s been an aching point in the holidays this year.

My mom was one of my closest friends. There’s no one else who loves you like your mom does, no one else with whom I had a 48 year history. I can’t tell you how much I miss her. There is comfort in the hope of seeing her again: the thought of what she is experiencing now in heaven is the only thing that keeps me from wishing her back.

If you are still reading, you deserve a pat on the back or something. 🙂 I probably should have condensed this for the blog, but it is the first time I have ever written this out at once, so it’s been therapeutic.

Let me encourage you, if you are not sure where you would be if death came suddenly – please make sure of that today, for your sake, for your loved ones’ sakes. It is not a scare tactic: it is a truth that you just never know when your time will come. To read more, please visit here.

I finally watched “End of the Spear”

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The story of the five missionaries — Nate Saint, Jim Elliot, Roger Youderian, Ed McCully, and Pete Fleming — who were killed by the Ecuadorian Indian tribe they were trying to reach in the 1950s, whose families later reached out to those same Indians, is one of the most beloved and inspiring in recent Christian history. I first encountered the story in the late 70s while in college. I read Elisabeth Elliot’s Through Gates of Splendor, then her publication of her late husband’s journals and Shadow of the Almighty. Some years later I discovered Rachel Saint’s The Dayuma Story, and later still Unfolding Destinies by Olive Fleming Liefeld. Last year, at the fiftieth anniversary of the story, Steve Saint’s book End of the Spear was published as well as a film based on the book.

I enjoyed the book very much. I enjoyed reading Steve’s perspective and finding out what the Waodani (formerly known by the outside world’s designation of them as Aucas, meaning, if I remember correctly, “savages”) that I had come to know and love through the other books were up to now.

I heard much criticism of the film, which I’ll discuss in greater detail. I wanted to see it for myself rather than taking the word of either side. I just rented it and saw it for the first time this weekend. I had seen the documentary based on the book, Beyond the Gates of Splendor, and would highly recommend it. It explained more than the film did and had wonderful interviews with the five widows and several Waodani.

Here are my thoughts:

  • I thought the film itself was well-done. I don’t know what it is, but there is generally something lacking in Christian films — perhaps because they are generally low-budget or lacking in professional expertise or something. As we watched this, my oldest son said, “It’s good to see a Christian film with good production values.”
  • One of the biggest controversies when the film came out was the casting of Chad Allen, a homosexual activist, as Nate Saint. I do think this, and the resulting negative controversy, was unfortunate. Nothing against Chad Allen personally — I thought he did an excellent job. But it was dismaying that someone so opposed to Nate Saint’s beliefs and lifestyle would portray such a revered character. On the other hand, looking through the cast list at the imdb entry for the film, I would guess that probably few, if any, shared the beliefs or values of the people they portrayed. I hope that their contact with the story and the Christians involved planted seeds that will find “good ground.” And, although I agreed with the stand and understand the zeal for righteousness involved, I was dismayed at the way many Christians handled their criticism, forgetting to “hate the sin but love the sinner.”
  • One of the other major criticisms by Christians was the lack of clarity of the gospel in the film. By contrast, several secular reviewers decried and scoffed at the gospel presentation. Though I wish it would have been made clearer for those who were unfamiliar with the truth of the gospel (especially the fact of faith, not just not killing and living well), I was glad to find there was more gospel there than what I had heard others say was there. I would say it was recognizable by people who know it, both in the few phrases dealing with it and the way the lives of those who embraced it changed, but those who don’t know the gospel might just attribute it to turning over a new leaf.
  • I don’t think I would have understood a lot of what was going on in some parts if I hadn’t already been familiar with the books, but I understand the filmmakers dilemma in trying to decide what to include without making it too long. I hope the film spurred an interest in reading any of the books about the story.
  • There has been criticism of missionaries in general for evangelizing “Stone Age” people groups. One thing interesting about the documentary Beyond the Gates of Splendor was an interview with two anthropologists who studied the Waodani. They said that they were on the verge of extinction because their only means of dealing with any conflict was spearing. The Waodani themselves acknowledged this saying something to the effect that when before Rachel Saint and Elisabeth Elliot came to them, they had almost been down to two. They weren’t literally down to two, but they recognised that they would be if something didn’t change. Why would anyone object to their being shown a better way and saving them from extinction? We go to great measures to save the spotted owl and such from extinction –why not a whole people group? I have read some absurd charges about missionaries “forcing” conversions or only helping those who convert, and that’s all they are: absurd charges.
  • Another criticism I remember reading was that the film made Jim Elliot look “buffoonish.” I wouldn’t use that word exactly, but I did think he was portrayed as somewhat silly. I’m just speculating here, but it’s almost as if the filmmakers wanted to take a character that was highly revered and esteemed and bring him down off the pedestal a little bit. On the other hand, Steve Saint did know him…..on the other hand, that was back when Steve was 8 or 9, so his perceptions of him then wouldn’t be what they would have as an adult. I don’t know. Jim was a very passionate man, and other people I know like that are as passionate — or maybe enthusiastic would be a better word here — in their humor as they are about everything else. Plus, those of us who feel we “know” him from his writings probably didn’t see a lot of his humor there, as his journal writings were serious ponderings of soul. So…I don’t know. I don’t have any idea whether the representation of Jim was accurate or not, but I was a bit disappointed in it.
  • We watched the first 50 minutes wondering why there were no subtitles for the native dialogue, when my son fiddled with the controls and got them on. 🙄 Usually English translation subtitles of the foreign words just show up with having to adjust the setting — I’m not sure why this was different. But be forewarned that if you watch it and you’re not seeing subtitles for the native speech, you may need to adjust your settings. (I am saying “native” rather than Waodani because I read that the language used was actually that of another tribe who were also “extras” in the film, but I don’t remember that tribe’s name.)
  • I had already learned this in the book, so I knew it was coming, but I was dismayed that the big dramatic scene between Steve Saint and Mincayani near the end was not something that really happened. Well, I am not dismayed that it didn’t happen, but I am dismayed that it was invented and inserted when it didn’t happen. I understand it was meant to symbolize the struggle Steve went through in coming to terms with the loss of his dad. But that’s one of the things I hate about making films out of books.
  • As I read several secular reviews of the movie, I was saddened and sickened by the picking apart and criticising of the story by those who knew nothing about it, as if it were a fictional film.
  • I’ve read of several Christians who feel that Christians don’t need to be making these kinds of films. I don’t know….I think we’re living in an increasingly visual age. Personally, I’m a book person — you get more of the real story and more depth from the book. A film is condensed and compressed, and most times a film just doesn’t accurately portray the story. But….this is a film-watching generation, and I do think there is a place for well-made films of this type. I think they will always be between a rock and hard place, though, between the criticism of Christians and the scoffing of the secular reviewers.

So…there you have some of my thoughts about the film. I’d highly recommend the books, especially Through Gates of Splendor and End of the Spear, and the documentary, Beyond the Gates of Splendor. I wouldn’t say “don’t” watch End of the Spear, but I just think you’d get a fuller picture in the books and documentary.

Edited to add: I got to thinking I might better forewarn people who might think of watching this film that there is what my pastor calls “National Geographic-style nudity” in the film. They do have the actors wearing more clothes than they did in real life when the events of the story were unfolding, and everyone’s essentials are covered up, but there are many bare-bottom scenes. Just thought some would like to know that ahead of time.

Also, I wanted to mention that there is a bit of a different perspective as to “why” the Waodani attacked the missionaries between Elisabeth Elliot’s book, Olive Fleming Liefeld’s book, and Steve Saint’s. I don’t see that as a conflict — there were probably many layers to the “why” of it, and probably more came to light over time as language skills and relationships improved. Steve said that he had been instructed early on not to ask about it, and the things that were shared with him only came to light in recent years.

Lastly, I wanted to mention that one of my favorite parts of the book and the documentary (just a little glimpse of this is shown during the credits of the film) is Mincaye’s impressions of life in America when he came to visit. (Mincaye is his real name; Mincayani is the character’s name in the film, who is based on Mincaye but is also a conglomeration of characters.)

Never again will I order anything from an infomercial

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I had the TV on yesterday while I was puttering around getting dressed for the day, fixing my hair., etc., and caught an infomercial about a scrapbooking kit. I’m only a beginning scrapbooker, but I know that all the “supplies” can add up, and this looked like a pretty good deal.

So, for I think the first time in my life, I called the toll-free number listed in an infomercial. It was totally automated, which normally I don’t mind. But usually even automated calls will tell you at some point if you’d like to speak to a real person you can press a certain number. I never heard that option.

I was confused at first because the infomercial had offered a second kit for only shipping and handling charges, and when the voice on the phone asked me how many kits I wanted, I wasn’t sure whether to say one and assume the second one was included, or if they would ask later on if I wanted a second one, or if I should order two and assume they’d only charge me for one. So I said two: usually when you order online there is an opportunity to verify exactly what you’ve ordered at the end of the transaction and to correct anything, and I assumed there would be a similar opportunity with this order.

Then there came a series of “other offers.” Each one started with a description and a similar informercial-style spiel. After the description and price, there was an opportunity to “speak” yes to accept the offer. I did not say anything. The voice saud, “I understand your hesitation….” then gave another spiel saying how much the expert on the informercial “strongly recommended” getting that extra offer. Then there was another opportunity to speak “yes.’ I remanied silent. These two spiels played a second time — so that’s a total of 4 spiels for this one extra offer — before finally the voice said, “To decline this offer, press 0.” I gladly pressed 0. Then there were 4 more cycles for four more other special offers. 🙄 I tried pressing 0 earlier in the process to see if that would short-circuit it, and it did, until the last one. It seemed caught in some kind of loop and kept running through the spiel without going on. Finally I just hung up in frustration.

The infomercial had mentioned several other offers that were available for just the cost of shipping and handling. but these were not only not mentioned (at least in the part of the process I listened to), but it seemed they were offered at a sales price instead. There was a set of scissors offered that way on the infomercial, but one of the special deals mentioned on the phone call was a set of scissors for $14.95. I don’t know if that was the same set or not.

Now I am left with no one to contact about my order. All I have is that 800 number, and I don’t want to listen through all of that again to try to get to the end and see if they list a contact number or order verification number. I am hoping that my hanging up canceled my order: with online ordering, your order is not actually submitted until you get to the end, see exactly what you have ordered and verify that and your address and payment info., then click on a “submit order” button or the like. But I’m afraid that probably won’t be the case here. They already had my name, address, and credit card info.

I am wondering if I can call my credit card company and cancel the transaction from that end. I suppose, when the order comes, if I ended up with two kits without receiving one free — or two kits with two free ones — I can send back whatever I don’t want or I will then have a phone number or address to contact.

But whatever happens. I will never again order anything from an infomercial. It’s confusing; I don’t want to be held hostage through an endless spiel of special offers; I want an opportunity to speak to a real person if I have a question; I want to verify exactly what I have ordered before the transaction is final. Maybe they are not all like this. But I have no desire to find out.

Updated to add: Everything did eventually work out fine. I found the company online and sent them a note describing the problem. They sent me back an address to return the extra sets to. I did and received the credit on my next statement. But this experience, especially the phone call with an excess of special offers, has stilled turned me off from ordering from infomercials. 

Catalog deluge

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To all mail-order companies who send me catalogs:

I do order sometimes from catalogs. But what makes you think that, once I order, I want a multitudinous supply of your catalogs? Do you really think that if you send me 20 catalogs in 30 days from the same company with pretty much the same merchandise, I’ll buy more?? No, I’m not tempted to buy more. I just toss them in the trash. I’m not a tree-hugger, but I hate to think of the waste of resources involved — plus the higher prices I am paying for your merchandise because of the excess mailings that are getting trashed.

Sincerely,

Your customer

Miscommunication

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My youngest had a few days off due to a teacher’s conference, so my husband was able to take a few days off as well and took him camping overnight at a lake nearby. My oldest son and I went out there after he got off work yesterday and ate grilled hamburgers, then I came home (I am not a happy camper. 🙂 I don’t like walking with a flash light on uneven ground to the bathroom in the middle of the night and waking up feeling damp in a tent and various other things about camping.) My middle son came home about 10 pm, when it was too late to go out there.

They trooped home this morning. In the course of telling me about their time camping, my husband said, “Someone had a baby at the camp site.” I thought he meant someone gave birth (isn’t that what that sounded like?) I thought maybe some expectant mom thought she’d get a last camping trip in with her family and went into labor early, or some back-to-nature enthusiasts wanted to experience a roughing-it type of birth in the woods. My husband talked about the baby’s crying waking them up at 3 a.m. and then again at 6. I was thinking about the other sound effects and the dark and unsanitary conditions and commented about that to my husband He looked momentarily confused and said, “No…someone didn’t birth a baby there, they brought a baby to the camp site.”

Oh.

(Duh! 😳 )

Well, we had a good laugh anyway.:D

I Remember

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911.jpg

I used to volunteer at my sons’ school every Tuesday. On that particular Tuesday morning in September, a little after 9 a.m., I turned on the car radio to catch a bit of news on my way to the school. I was confused at first — I could tell something serious had happened, but couldn’t make out what. Finally the newscaster explained that an airplane had hit the World Trade Tower. I was stunned. I sat in the parking lot at the school and listened to the news coverage for a few minutes. Then I went into the school office, with the words, “Did you hear…?” on my lips. They had heard and someone had set up a TV in the office. Many of us stood, motionless, stunned, shocked, and watched the coverage. We thought we couldn’t be any more stunned — then we saw footage of a second plane hitting the other tower. Then we saw people leaping out of windows to try to escape. Then we saw the first tower collapse.

I don’t remember how long I stayed there. The function that I usually helped with was canceled for the day. Several parents came to pick their children up and take them home: they just wanted to have them near. The principal had a TV set up in the gym for those students and teachers who wanted to watch the coverage. I think most of the high school classes were canceled and students could either watch the coverage in the gym or study quietly in one of the classrooms.

For the rest of the day and the next several days, with most of the country, I was almost glued to the TV as more news came in and pieces of the puzzle came to light. I clicked on news sources online and read coverage and looked at pictures in magazines.

There are several things I remember from that time:

  • Feeling in shock.
  • Feelings of vulnerability.
  • Feelings of fear, wondering if this was but the beginning of a larger effort, of a war.
  • Feelings of empathy with those who had died, those who had lost loved ones, those in parts of the world for whom terrorism is an almost everyday occurrence.
  • A feeling of unity in our country that I had never experienced in my lifetime. That is one thing I miss.
  • Feelings of…awe? gratefulness? wonder? inspiration? I am struggling with the right word to express what I felt on hearing the stories of heroism, of bravery, of decency.
  • Feelings of more joy upon hearing the stories of so many who unexpectedly missed flights or were late to work at the towers.
  • Feelings of comfort as the Lord ministered to hearts afterward.

Regarding that last item, one of the young men in my sons’ youth group shared this verse with the teens, I believe that first Wednesday afterward:

Isaiah 25:4: For thou hast been a strength to the poor, a strength to the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shadow from the heat, when the blast of the terrible ones is as a storm against the wall.

How that ministered to my heart! I shared it with many loved ones via e-mail.

The question has come to many a mind, “Why did God allow it?” I don’t know that we’ll have the answer until time is over and we are with Him. But, surely we don’t mean why did God allow that to happen to us? We’re such a blessed nation, even in the state of spiritual forgetfulness and indifference we are in now — do we think we’re exempt from the troubles many nations experience daily? This was of a greater magnitude, yes, but many countries face the possibility of car bombs and suicide bombers every day. Then we get into the larger question of why God allows evil at all. All I know is that He allows for us to have and exercise a free will, and that results in sin, because we all choose our own way over His all too often. There will be a time when “sin shall be no more,” when every tear shall be wiped away and there shall be no more sorrow, sadness, death, crying (Revelation 21:4). That time is not yet. Until then we have to deal with a fallen world. But those who love God have this promise:

Romans 8:28: And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

It is at the point of deep need that we learn the truth of that verse and others. We know it so well it almost become cliched to us, until we truly need it.

One of the “good things” to come out of 9/11 was the salvation of one of my son’s friends. He realized that life can end suddenly and unexpectedly and that he needed to be ready.

There are some who think we should remember 9/11 only with silence, who feel that replaying and reliving the events of that day only plays into the hands of the terrorists, inspiring more terror. I disagree. I can understand those for whom it might be too painful to reflect on much, but I disagree that we’re playing into the hands of the terrorists by remembering that day. It’s good to remember. We need to remember the fallen, to memorialize them. We need to remember those whom they left behind. We even need to remember our vulnerability. Psalm 9:20 says “Put them in fear, O LORD: that the nations may know themselves to be but men.” I can’t presume to say that that was one of God’s purposes for allowing this, but we do need to remember that we are “but men” (or women) even though we’re a “superpower.” We need to remember that “The horse [or the fighter pilot or the tank or whatever we might use in warfare] is prepared against the day of battle: but safety is of the LORD” (Proverbs 21:31). We need to remember the empathy, the inspiration, the acts of courage.

My husband and I were saying yesterday morning that we wished they would do away with the Labor Day observance and instead have a 9/11 observance. But then we thought that, after a while, it would just be another Monday holiday. It would seem the height of disrespect to turn it into another day for retailers to have sales. I wonder if WWII veterans are horrified that Memorial Day and Veterans Day, beyond the occasional parade and wreath-laying ceremonies, are regarded by most people as an opportunity to be off work and go to the mall. May we as a country remember all of our fallen better than that.

There are more 9/11 memories linked at Shannon’s place.

This page lists individual tributes to each of those who died during the 9/11 assault.