“That’s just the way I am”

Posted on December 2, 2010 by Barbara Harper

When my youngest son was small, he was a real chatty little guy. In fact, sometimes he could talk too much. I didn’t want to squelch his openness with people or his ability to strike up a conversation, as those are valuable traits (which don’t come naturally to me!) But on the other hand, no one wants to be around someone who talks incessantly. Once he was talking to the wife and mother of a visiting missionary family at church who was trying to soothe a fussy baby and graciously step away from him, and he kept chatting merrily on. When I tried to suggest that perhaps he was talking a little too much, he flashed his bright smile and said, “That’s just the way God made me.”

“Well,” I thought, “What do I say to that?”

After a while the Lord did bring to mind a few principles to share with him, such as the fact that God made us to eat, yet it is wrong to eat too much or the wrong things; God made us to sleep, but warns against loving sleep too much and being lazy, etc. He gives us responsibility to use our natural bent and inclinations in the right way. We talked about the warning signs that you’re talking too much — when other people look bored, sleepy, or glazed, or when they’re trying to step away or start another conversation with someone else, etc.

I’ve heard variations on that response from time to time. I used to really struggle under the leadership of someone who was not good with details: when he overlooked something that caused problems, frustrations, more work, etc., for the people under him, he’d just smile and say, “You’ll have to forgive me, I’m not good with details. I’m just not wired that way.” I’ve heard someone apologize for an angry outburst by saying, “I’m sorry, I just have a bad temper.” I’ve known people who think they have the spirituals gifts of prophesy or exhortation to harshly lambast a person or movement they are opposed to (and take great pleasure in doing so), forgetting that “the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth” (II Timothy 2:24-25).

When my middle son was in about the 6th or 7th grade, he was lamenting that he studied for spelling tests and yet still made bad grades, and a classmate hardly studied at all and yet made A’s. I explained that everyone has an aptitude for certain areas, and this friend obviously happened to have an aptitude for spelling. He brightened, thinking that since he didn’t have a natural aptitude for spelling, he didn’t really have to worry about it. I had to say, no, that doesn’t mean you don’t have to work on your spelling: in fact, in means you have to work harder!

The person who is not good with details is not excused from having to deal with them; in fact, he may have to work harder to handle them, or hire an assistant to help him. The person with a bad temper is not allowed to give it free reign because he can’t help himself. Even spiritual gifts such as exhortation or mercy or giving have to be kept in balance. A person whose gift is giving for example, can’t run his family into debt or neglect their needs to give to others. He is responsible to exercise that gift in conjunction with other Scriptural instruction under God’s leadership. Scripture contains several passages of instruction concerning how to exercise spiritual gifts.

Understanding they way we’re “wired” helps us, perhaps, to know what direction to go in life, what ministries or vocations to choose, etc. For instance, I am not good with numbers: I can add the same list of numbers up three times and get three different answers — even with a calculator. So I would not look for a job as an accountant. However, sometimes God does call people to do what doesn’t come naturally — Moses felt he could not lead or speak, yet God did not take any of his excuses. Jeremiah said, “Ah, Lord GOD! behold, I cannot speak: for I am a child. But the LORD said unto me, Say not, I am a child: for thou shalt go to all that I shall send thee, and whatsoever I command thee thou shalt speak” (Jeremiah 1:6-7). We think of the apostle Paul as bold and wise, yet he said, “And I was with you in weakness, and in fear, and in much trembling. And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man’s wisdom” — but he goes on to say, “but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God” (I Corinthians 2:3-5). Sometimes God uses people in the ways they seem to be bent, but other times He calls them to do something that doesn’t come naturally to them to show His power and His grace through them.

Whether dealing with a sin issue, a personality bent, or even a spiritual gift, “That’s just the way I am” is not a good excuse. God wants us to seek Him for deliverance from the power of sin, for power and grace to maintain right balances and to be diligent even in areas where we don’t have natural gifts, and for help to grow continually more Christlike every day we live. He does not want us to remain “just the way we are.” “But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord” (II Corinthians 3:18). We’re changed….by beholding Him.

Giving Thanks Challenge, Day 30

Posted on November 30, 2010 by Barbara Harper

It’s Day 30 of the Giving Thanks Challenge hosted by Leah at South Breeze Farm.

I am thankful that, after 30 days, I haven’t run out of things to be thankful for. 😀

Here are a few more:

Being able to be a homemaker since my children came along

Running water, indoor plumbing, hot water heaters (I’ve visited places with none of those luxuries!)

Games

Art, crafts, hobbies

The ability to walk. I was without it for a few short months, and I think maybe that makes me appreciate it a little more.

Decaf Diet Pepsi and Mugs Root Beer

Pellet ice

…and so much more, in major spiritual blessings and little everyday ones.

Thanks to the Giver of all:

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. James 1:17

Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not highminded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy. I Timothy 6:17

I’ll leave my list in my sidebar for a few days; otherwise you can find the other posts in the Giving Thanks Challenge here.

Thank you, Leah, for encouraging us to name something we are thankful for every day this month. It has been a good exercise.

Two Agatha Christie novels

Posted on November 30, 2010 by Barbara Harper

I’ve been saying for months now that I wanted to read an Agatha Christie novel or two just because I never had and I wanted to see what kind of writer she was and why people liked her so much. I finally did read two of her books this month.

At first I thought of reading one of the books portrayed by the PBS Masterpiece Mystery program, but I decided I would probably better get the full impact of Christie’s writing by reading one of her books which I knew nothing about. So I chose After the Funeral, a Hercule Poirot novel, and A Murder Is Announced, featuring Miss Marple.

In After the Funeral, an extended family is gathered for a funeral of the family patriarch, Richard Abernethie, who apparently died of natural causes, when the sister of the deceased, Cora, shocks everyone by referring to his murder. Quickly retracting her statement, and having been thought of as generally ditzy, as we would say today, she’s thought odd but not really taken seriously…until she turns up murdered in her own bed. The questions, then, are whether Richard actually was murdered, and if so, who killed him, and who murdered Cora, and is anyone else in danger? The family solicitor turns to his old friend, Hercule Poirot, for help.

In A Murder Is Announced, a group of neighbors gathers at Letitia Blacklock’s house for a “murder game” which turns deadly when an actual murder occurs. Miss Marple is in town visiting a niece and assists the inspectors in finding the murderer.

I did see very quickly why Agatha Christie is considered a master. Much was revealed casually in the first few paragraphs of After the Funeral in the musings of the doddering old butler as he readies the house for the family gathering after the funeral. And both novels kept me guessing until the end.

I smiled at the gentle fun Christie poked at Poirot in a couple of places. Poirot was well known, but not by this particular group of people, so they did not take him seriously and were amused at him. When he gathered everyone together, she wrote, “It looked as though Hercule Poirot would have to work hard to make his proper effect” (p. 230). Later while Poirot talked with one of the local inspectors, they had this conversation:

“The piece of evidence I have imagined may not in fact exist. I have only deduced its existence from various scraps of conversation. I may,” said Poirot in a completely unconvinced tone, “be wrong.”

Morton smiled. “But that doesn’t often happen to you?”

“No. Though I will admit — yes, I am forced to admit — that it has happened to me.”

“I must say I’m glad to hear it! To be always right must be sometimes monotonous.”

“I do not find it so,” Poirot assured him.

I didn’t see these kinds of things in Miss Marple’s books. Perhaps they were a way of deflating Poirot’s tendency towards pompousness, or maybe Christie saw Miss Marple more as an alter ego. One thing that has always bothered me a bit about Miss Marple is how in the world police, detectives, and inspectors not only listen to her but actually seek her counsel. Perhaps that’s explained in one of her earlier books. In this one. she is known by one policeman as having a knack for solving mysteries, but the main inspector on the case doesn’t want to listen to the opinions of a visiting grandmotherly woman — until he starts to see that her perceptions are right.

Though I very much enjoyed playing the armchair detective and guessing “whodunnit,” I found that murder mysteries aren’t my favorite genre, so I don’t know that I will read any more of Christie. I like figuring out the puzzle, but I don’t like the murder, even though Christie doesn’t play up the grisly details like modern TV and films do. The constant talk of motives and methods just disturbed me a little. Oddly, that didn’t bother me in the TV productions: you’d think the visual representation would be more disturbing. Maybe it has to do with spending more time with a book — a few days rather than an hour or two of a TV mystery. I was also surprised to find a smattering of bad language, particularly in the second book. I guess I thought that didn’t happen so much in books of that time.

But I can definitely acknowledge with her fans that Agatha Christie is the queen of the murder mystery!

This post will be linked to 5 Minutes For Books Classic Bookclub, which encouraged us read a classic novel once a quarter and then “meet” to discuss it. Sadly, though, this is the last meeting and the Classics Bookclub will be disbanded. I will really miss it as it did help me purpose to incorporate some of the classics into my reading, and discussing them with others enhanced the enjoyment.

(This review will be linked to Semicolon‘s Saturday review of books and the next 5 Minutes For Books I Read It column.)

Giving Thanks Challenge, Day 29

Posted on November 29, 2010 by Barbara Harper

It’s Day 29 of the Giving Thanks Challenge hosted by Leah at South Breeze Farm.

I am thankful for medicine, doctors, nurses, hospitals, dentists, and the level of health care we have in this country. I’ve been blessed with wonderful doctors and nurses along the way. I have friends and loved ones who would have died without medical help. The health care system is flawed in many ways, there are ethical issues that new medical technology raises, there are cures that are worse than the illness, there are questionable treatments that call for discernment, but still, all told, I’d hate to go back to the days of leeches and a lack of knowledge of basic health practices that we take for granted now and higher mortality rates. Ultimately it is God who heals, as one former pastor used to say, with medicine, without medicine, or in spite of medicine, but I think He has gifted and used many in the health industry.

The Week In Words

Posted on November 29, 2010 by Barbara Harper

Welcome to The Week In Words, where we share quotes from the last week’s reading. If something you read this past week inspired you, caused you to laugh, cry, think, dream, or just resonated with you in some way, please share it with us, attributing it to its source, which can be a book, newspaper, blog, Facebook — anything that you read. More information is here.

Here are a few noteworthy quotes seen this last week:

From The Holiness of God by R. C. Sproul, seen at Challies:

People in awe never complain that church is boring.

Oh, that we might maintain that awe of God.

Seen on a friend’s Facebook status:

“We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won’t need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don’t fire cannons to call attention to their shining — they just shine.” Dwight L. Moody

This was seen at Lizzie‘s, quoted at Robin Lee Hatcher‘s from her church’s devotional book, quoted from Francis Chan’s Crazy Love:

When I am consumed by my problems — stressed out about my life, my family, and my job — I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God’s command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have a “right” to disobey God [and his command to rejoice always] because of the magnitude of my responsibilities.

Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives.

Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.

Guilty on all counts. I’m thankful for that accurate though painful perspective. We never really have an excuse to sin, and God is able to meet our needs without our stressing over them.

And again from Challies:

“God sometimes blesses a poor exegesis of a bad translation of a doubtful reading of an obscure verse of a minor prophet.” —Alan Cole

I need to remind myself of that when I get frustrated with a well-meaning preacher’s poor exegesis. (Edit: I thought I’d better come back and explain myself on this one. I don’t think it is saying it is all right to handle the Word of God carelessly or deceitfully because He will bless it anyway, and I definitely wouldn’t share a quote to that effect. And I don’t think it is saying there is no need to exercise discernment: there definitely is such a need, because not everyone who teaches or preaches from the Word does so correctly. Even the devil quotes Scripture. But my husband and I were privileged to be under the ministry of a master teacher and expositor for fourteen years when we were first married, and sometimes I have trouble listening to other preachers who don’t handle the Word in quite the same way. Yet none is perfect, and in what little bit of speaking and writing I’ve done, I know what it is to be almost paralyzed for fear of making a mistake and to depend on God for the right way of handling the Word and trusting Him to overcome any mistakes I make and to keep me from serious ones. If you’ve ever read C. H. Spurgeon’s testimony, he was saved at a meeting where a layman substituted for the preacher who couldn’t get there because of bad weather, and though he was not trained in how to present the passage and may have even rubbed some people the wrong way, he was earnest and did the best he could, and God used His Word given through that man to save one of the greatest preachers we know. So that’s what this quote means to me: it is not a license to be lazy in studying the Word or writing or speaking from it, but as a listener, I need to remember it is God’s Word and Spirit which convicts and enlightens, and I need to be careful in my judgment of those handling it.)

If you’ve read anything that particularly spoke to you that you’d like to share, please either list it in the comments below or write a post on your blog and then put the link to that post (not your general blog link) in Mr. Linky below. I do ask that only family-friendly quotes be included. I hope you’ll visit some of the other participants as well and glean some great thoughts to ponder.

And please — feel free to comment even if you don’t have quotes to share!

The Church’s One Foundation

Posted on November 28, 2010 by Barbara Harper

It’s Day 28 of the Giving Thanks Challenge hosted by Leah at South Breeze Farm.

I am thankful for church. No church is perfect, but God ordained the church, cleansed it, gave gifts to it, and somehow uses it to show His wisdom to creatures in the heavenlies.

I’m working on a post titled “Why go to church?” and hope to have it up in the next week or two.

But for now this hymn has come to my mind often today. More stanzas to it are here.

The Church’s one foundation
Is Jesus Christ her Lord,
She is His new creation
By water and the Word.
From heaven He came and sought her
To be His holy bride;
With His own blood He bought her
And for her life He died.

She is from every nation,
Yet one o’er all the earth;
Her charter of salvation,
One Lord, one faith, one birth;
One holy Name she blesses,
Partakes one holy food,
And to one hope she presses,
With every grace endued.

Yet she on earth hath union
With God the Three in One,
And mystic sweet communion
With those whose rest is won,
O happy ones and holy!
Lord, give us grace that we
Like them, the meek and lowly,
On high may dwell with Thee.

~ Samuel J. Stone, 1866

Giving Thanks Challenge, Day 27

Posted on November 27, 2010 by Barbara Harper

It’s Day 27 of the Giving Thanks Challenge hosted by Leah at South Breeze Farm.

I am thankful for answered prayer — even when answer has been “No.” I am so thankful God hasn’t given me things that I thought at the time I wanted or needed, and that He gives grace when He allows trials.

For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. II Corinthians 12:8-10.

Friday’s Fave Five

Posted on November 26, 2010 by Barbara Harper

Welcome to Friday’s Fave Five, hosted by Susanne at Living to Tell the Story, in which we can share our favorite things from the last week. This has been a wonderful exercise in looking for and appreciating the good things God blesses us with. Click on the button to learn more, then go to Susanne’s to read others’ faves and link up your own.

Here are five of my favorites from the past week:

1. Having my oldest son home for Thanksgiving!

2. Thanksgiving Day, with all the good traditional food and family time, and then a couple of days off.

3. My mother-in-law’s getting her hearing aid in this week. I had mentioned it was lost a few weeks ago. It looked like the new one wasn’t going to come in before Thanksgiving, but it did and the audiologist worked her in one day so she could have it before they closed for the holidays. That was an immense blessing to her and to us.

4. Encouraging words. Someone from our new church discovered my blog via Facebook and shared some kind and encouraging words about it as well as some other writing opportunities, and then I received an e-mail from someone new in another country who somehow found it and was encouraged by something the Lord enabled me to write. I think all bloggers get into a slump sometimes, and many of my regular blog friends are away from their computers for a time, so these encouragements were timely when I was feeling a little low. And I am always blessed and amazed when the Lord uses me in some way.

5. The garage room, or the Spare Oom, as Faun Tumnus of Narnia would say. I mentioned before we were turning part of the garage into a bedroom/office. We knew we couldn’t get it finished by Thanksgiving, but our goal was to get it habitable so that Jason and Mittu could move their things out there and have more room, and then Jeremy could sleep on the futon in the sewing room, where Jason and Mittu had been, when he came, rather than sleeping on the couch. We still need to spackle, paint, carpet, and put closet doors on, but we did get it habitable in time (I say we — Jim and Jason mainly.)

So from this two weeks ago:

It looks like this now:

Good work, guys!

I hope all those who celebrate Thanksgiving had a wonderful day! I am not sure what we’re doing the next day or two as a family, but I will be around when I can.

Giving Thanks Challenge, Day 26

Posted on November 26, 2010 by Barbara Harper

It’s Day 26 of the Giving Thanks Challenge hosted by Leah at South Breeze Farm.

I am thankful for the measure of health I have. Whatever troubles I have had, they could have been much worse, and God has shown His grace, strength, provision, and care in the health trials He has allowed.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Posted on November 25, 2010 by Barbara Harper

Enjoying the lull between getting the turkey in the oven and getting everything else done, thankful for a daughter-in-law to share meal responsibilities with this year, for family togetherness, for anticipation of all the good food to come, for the blessing of having a Thanksgiving feast, looking forward to a nap and Toy Story 3.

On this 25th day of the Giving Thanks Challenge hosted by Leah at South Breeze Farm. I am thankful for Thanksgiving Day and all its blessings and for the reminder to cultivate a thankful spirit all year.