Author Archives: Barbara Harper

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Book Review: Half-Finished

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In Lauraine Snelling’s novel, Half Finished, two friends get fed up with all their half-done craft projects and decide to do something about it. One, Roxie, had heard about UFO clubs—not for discovering alien life, but for finishing UnFinished Objects, or projects in their case. They discuss the idea with a few other friends and decide on a time to meet together with each choosing one project to work on while they meet.

As word of the UFO club spreads, more people want in on it—because who doesn’t have unfinished projects of some kind. Soon there are morning and evening clubs at several different locations. Even some of the men get it on the meetings.

But the clubs grow beyond projects. Relationships form and people band together to help each other through the sorrows and joys they encounter.

Lauraine said in her afterword that the book was inspired by such a UFO club in her own town. And this story brought up fond memories of a group of women who did something similar in my early married days. We didn’t focus on unfinished projects—though that’s what they were. But it wasn’t a matter of projects that had been lying around for years. We were too young to have many like that. We just met to spend some time fellowshipping while working on our various projects. We’d rotate houses, and ladies would take turns bringing snacks. I always felt we were a little inspired by the sisters in the Little Women sequels, who would meet together and visit with each other while doing their mending. I was sorry to see our group disbanded after a while: I think some of the ladies felt guilty spending time working on crafts during the day.

The beginning of the book was hard to get into: it was very busy. There were so many characters, they and their families were hard to keep straight. Plus the pages seemed to be stuffed with unnecessary details. For instance, there was one paragraph all about one woman’s two credit cards and which she used for what and why she was using the one she did for a purchase that day. Unless something about the credit cards was going to come up later in the story, there was no need to know any of that, or even that she paid for the purchase with a credit card. I don’t remember seeing that kind of thing in any of Lauraine’s other books.

But once the narrative settled down into a few of the main characters’ stories, the book became more enjoyable. There’s Roxie, a widowed real estate agent and a founding member of the UFO club. She has a grown daughter, Loren, who lives with her. Fred and Ginny own a farm and share their bounty with others. Their son and his family live nearby, and they enjoy getting together often. Their granddaughter, Addy, is an expert cookie baker. Amalia is one of my favorite characters: she is widowed and sold her own farm to live in senior apartments. But, even though she couldn’t keep up with the farm alone, she’s still able-bodied and mentally sound. She spends her days helping out some of the other seniors with physical needs or her friends.

One of the themes of the book is that we’re all half-finished projects. We’re all in a state of growth. So we need to be patient with ourselves and each other, but we also need to keep growing and learning.

Ways to Disagree Without Tearing Each Other Down

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You never replace the toilet paper roll.

Why do you always do it the way I asked you not to?

How many times do I have to ask you not to do that?

You must be stupid to think that way.

When humans mix together for any length of time, friction develops. Even the brightest friendships and most dewy-eyed romances experience conflicts after a while. We each have our own history, preferences, ways of doing and thinking things. It’s inevitable that we’ll clash over something.

On top of all that, the Bible says we’re all sinners. We all want our own way. As someone once said, we’re all the stars of our own movies.

While disagreement is inevitable, some ways of disagreeing harm the relationship. All the statements at the beginning of this post are belittling. Disagreeing in ways that tear each other down will cause anger, resentment, and pain. If not dealt with, those jabs can harm and build walls between people. They may even destroy relationships. Even if the participants remain friends or married, they’ve injured each other so many times that the warmth is gone and they just go through the motions.

So how do we handle disagreements in ways that aren’t harmful?

I’m no expert, but after 47 or so years of being a Christian and reading God’s word, 40+ years of marriage, and more than that of living and interacting with people, I’ve learned a few things that I’d like to pass along. And though many of the illustrations I share pertain to marriage, most of these are true of any relationship.

No one is perfect. We know not to expect perfection, yet we get irritated at each other’s imperfections. I read that one man felt his wife wanted him to be a combination of Billy Graham, Dwayne Johnson, and Cary Grant*: a spiritual giant, a superb physical specimen, handsome, suave, and romantic all.the.time. The pressure was wearing on him. We have to manage our expectations and let each other just be human and imperfect. Elisabeth Elliot wrote:

My second husband once said that a wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to eighty percent of her expectations. There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it very much. She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy ( From Love Has a Price Tag).

Understand each other’s personality and needs. Introvert/extrovert, indoor person/outdoor person, serious/fun people and other combinations are bound to clash. Even if personalities aren’t exact opposites, they also aren’t going to be exactly the same all the time. Each personality has its strengths and weaknesses. Honest discussions help, explaining how you feel or how things affect you, without accusation or assumptions. Perhaps offer a trade-off: “I’d love to go with you to that event if I can have some quiet time afterward to decompress.”

Take time to understand the other person’s perspective. Once when I was taking items to donate to the thrift store, my husband asked me to be sure to get a receipt for tax purposes. I balked at first: I felt that using donations to lessen taxes was like getting credit for what we gave, and weren’t we supposed to give without the left hand knowing what the right was doing (Matthew 6:1-4)? He explained that he wasn’t seeking credit, but he didn’t want to give the government any more in taxes than he had to. He saw it getting the receipt for a tax deduction as wise stewardship. Similarly, years ago I was on an email subscriber list for transverse myelitis patients and caregivers (before Facebook and even before message boards). A new technology was in the news that involved unused embryos leftover from in vitro fertilization treatments. Though the technology gave great hope to those who were paralyzed, those of us who believed life began at conception couldn’t condone it. You can imagine the blowup such a conversation could devolve into. To everyone’s credit we had a civil discussion with most of us understanding the others’ position even though we didn’t agree.

Don’t assume motives or accuse. Especially avoid always and never–they just make the other person defensive. Instead of, “You always leave your socks on the floor. What do you think I am, your maid?” perhaps say, “When you leave things lying around, it makes me feel like you expect me to pick up after you, like you think of me as a maid.” He’s probably not thinking at all of leaving things for her to pick up. He just forgot or overlooked some things. He would have picked them up eventually. But explaining rather than accusing will help him see things from her perspective. And yes, sometimes the situation is reversed and she’s the messy one.

Remember the relationship. Once I heard a speaker describe a wife having just cleaned her floors when her husband and children walked in with muddy shoes. The speaker admonished women to remember the relationship in such a case rather than lashing out. I thought to myself, “What about their remembering the relationship and respecting her ruined work that will now have to be redone?” While it’s true both sides should remember the relationship, the point was that we shouldn’t pounce on each other with angry words. The relationship is more important than the ruined floors. That doesn’t mean we have to be passive or never share when things bug us. But we don’t have to tear each other down in the process. The group discussion I mentioned a couple of paragraphs above probably went so well because the participants had forged relationships over years of sharing struggles and encouraging each other.

Does everything have to be our way? The classic little tiffs like how to squeeze the toothpaste tube or which way the toilet paper goes can grate against the nerves. But, really, is it that big a deal? Maybe you can compromise: do the toothpaste his way and the TP your way. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard men fuss about their wives pulling the seat up in the car and forgetting to set it back for their husband’s longer legs, or wives complaining about husband’s leaving the toilet seat up. Seriously, why can’t everyone adjust these things as they need them without fussing about them?

Don’t bring up a litany of past offenses. Some translations of 1 Corinthians 13:5 say love “keeps no record of wrongs.” When we wrong each other, we need to discuss it, confess it, forgive each other, and leave it in the past rather than bringing the same things up again later.

Don’t let offenses build up. Those of us who have a hard time speaking up when something bothers us need to avoid letting things build until we explode. Some of us don’t explode, but we seethe with resentment which comes out in coldness. None of those responses is healthy. It’s hard sometimes to know when to bring something to someone’s attention or when to overlook a fault. Proverbs 19:11 says, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” But Jesus gave a detailed process for handling an offense in Matthew 18. Perhaps one aspect is whether the person committed an actual sin (robbing a bank, abusing someone) which needs to be reported and whether they just were inconsiderate or said something we took wrong. We can and should let some things go. We shouldn’t nag and nitpick about every little thing. But if we’re going to overlook something, we need to truly overlook it rather than just avoiding confrontation.

Don’t belittle or berate. I wince when I hear women talking to their husband as if they were talking to children–or even talking in ways they shouldn’t even use with children. Ephesians 5:33 tells wives to respect husbands—we can talk about things that bother us respectfully. “But what if he’s not acting in a manner worthy of respect?” I like to turn this around: that same passage tells husbands to love wives as they love themselves. Do we always act in a manner worthy of love? Would we want our husband to withhold love until we get our act together? This is a grace we can give each other: to treat each other with love and respect even when we don’t deserve it. Isn’t that how God loves us? All of us are to “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).

The Golden Rule says to treat others as we would like to be treated. How would we like to be treated if something is upset with us or angry about something we’ve done?

Be “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19). This is one of the most crucial things: listen first and wait to react. Many of us know and believe these other truths, but in the heat of the moment will say things we regret.

Attack the problem, not the person. Internet exchanges are notorious for devolving into name-calling, stereotyping, generalizing, and putting down. Yet we do that in everyday life as well. If in our thoughts or words we begin belittling or attacking the other person, we need to pull back and put our focus on the specific problem at hand.

Apologize when wrong. We’ve had relatives that could not seem to apologize after a blow-up. When they had cooled off, they might bring some little gift to try to smooth things over. We had to accept that was just their way and we weren’t likely to change them. But apologizing and asking for forgiveness are often the first steps in healing the breach. “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (Proverbs 28:13).

Forbear and forgive easily. “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:12-13). Ephesians 4:1-3 and 31-32 echo the same. One former pastor used to say forbearance (as the KJV puts “bearing with”) was just good old fashioned putting up with each other. I used to get stuck on forgiveness when I felt the other person didn’t deserve it. But the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21-35 (told by Jesus in answer to Peter’s question about how many times he should forgive his brother) helped me have the right focus. The man was forgiven an insurmountable debt he owed, but then wouldn’t forgive another a much smaller amount. God has forgiven us an insurmountable debt of sin. Nothing that anyone else has done to us compares to our sin against Him. Can’t we, by His grace, forgive others their comparatively smaller sins against us?

Don’t grieve the Spirit. Ephesians 4 talks about the change that should be evident in our lives when we believe on Christ. Verse 29 says to “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Verse 32, mentioned above, tells us to let bitterness, anger, and such be put away from us and  to “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Sandwiched between those two is verse 30: “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” We lift that verse out of context and generalize it. It does apply to many things. But originally it’s right here in the context of speech, anger, and bitterness. Have we realized that the way we disagree with each other can actually grieve the Spirit of God?

Look to Christ. “He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:22-23).

Attempting these things shows us quickly that they are beyond us. We need help. Elisabeth Elliot said in A Lamp for My Feet:

How can this person who so annoys or offends me be God’s messenger? Is God so unkind as to send that sort across my path? Insofar as his treatment of me requires more kindness than I can find in my own heart, demands love of a quality I do not possess, asks of me patience which only the Spirit of God can produce in me, he is God’s messenger. God sends him in order that he may send me running to God for help.

What have you found that helps you deal with conflict in non-destructive ways?

_______
*I don’t remember if those were the exact names, other than Billy Graham’s.

**Abuse is something we should never overlook and put up with. If you are being abused by a spouse, boyfriend, friend, or bully, please seek out a trusted person that you can confide in.

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

Laudable Linkage

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Here are some of the thought-provoking reads found this week:

Bible Contradictions? A Response to Bart Ehrman, HT to Challies. “So, I did read the text. And, what I found is that Bart Ehrman puts forward some difficult passages for believers. But what I also found is that a moment or two of thinking erased many of the contradictions.”

Three Prayer Requests for a Heart on Life Support (about prodigals, not end-of-life decisions). “In the letter to the church of Sardis (Rev. 3:1–6), Christ addressed a church that had a ‘reputation for being alive,’ but was full of ‘dead’ people, or as we might term them, prodigals. Christ then gives the church a series of commands, which will make helpful prayers as we intercede for the prodigals in our own lives.”

Instant Coffee, Instant Faith. “It is not the massive floods that cause a tree to grow; it’s the steady stream of water day after day, month after month, year after year. The Christian life does not consist only of great breakthroughs; it consists mainly in mundane, steady obedience. Like David prayed, it is the pursuit of ‘one thing . . . to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple’” (Psalm 27:4).”

Bible Study Is Hard Work (And That Is OK). HT to Challies. “So, are you struggling in your reading of God’s Word? That’s OK. You’re supposed to. The Bible is deep, rich, and ancient.” But there’s reward on the other side of it.

About Those Sparrows, HT to Challies. “Five sparrows. Two pennies. Bought, crushed, ground into stew, discarded, their life snuffed out just like that. Not forgotten by God. If God ‘remembered the sparrow’…if his eye was on the sparrow wouldn’t they not be bought and sold like this?” I confess, I have wondered this. I like this perspective.

Fear of Being Labeled a “White Savior,” HT to Challies. “Whereas I cannot speak to the motives of every white person working in a third world environment, I can with confidence say that this mentality is not compatible with Christian missions. I propose that the Christian missionary is not a ‘white savior’ for the following reasons.”

Writing on The Dawn Treader. “Show, don’t tell” has been the primary instruction for writers of fiction and narrative nonfiction for years. This article explores how C. S. Lewis gave us a clear idea of the kind of boy Eustace Scrub was without a single adjective.

A Grandma Scams a Scammer. Loved this story.

I was looking for a “prayer for the middle-aged” that Elisabeth Elliot recently quoted on her radio program when I discovered this. It’s not the one I was looking for, but this lady’s delivery is so funny.

Happy Saturday!

Friday’s Fave Five

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It’s Friday, time to look back over the blessings of the week
with Susanne at Living to Tell the Story and other friends.

Here we are at the last FFF of January already. We’re almost 1/12 of the way through 2022! Here are some favorites of this week.

1. Take-out, always a favorite. We don’t usually get it all weekend, but it was nice to have the weekend “off.” I requested McAlister’s Deli Friday night—we hadn’t had it in a while. Then Jim suggested Chick-Fil-A Saturday night and wanted pizza Sunday night.

2. One organizing project done. I have four areas I wanted to work on even before Christmas, but then didn’t get to in the busyness of the holidays. I tackled one on Saturday. We have a short bookcase in our bedroom where I put books I’ve bought, received as gifts, or have read but haven’t decided what to do with yet. I sorted through and dusted all of them, filled one box to give away, found places on other shelves for some, and stacked the remaining unread ones in a more orderly fashion.

3. Dinner and a visit. Jason and Mittu brought dinner over one night when Jim was away.

4. Catching up with a good friend. One of my dearest and longest-known friends and I had a long phone conversation this week. It was so nice to have that extended time rather than a text or Facebook comment here and there (though those are nice, too).

5. Frito bars. The name may sound strange, but the sweet and salty combination was really good, and there were very easy to make. I halved the recipe for an 8×8 pan this time, but I look forward for making it for the rest of the family sometime.

Is it bad that three of my five favorites this week involved food? 😀

How was your week?

End of January Reflections

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The end of the month is still a few days away. But I have other posts in mind between now and then, so I thought I’d do my end-of-month wrap-up now.

January is usual a rest month after the beloved busyness of December. It hasn’t quite worked out that way this year. But we’ve had a bit of down time in-between appointments and appliance repairs.

Covid hit my daughter-in-law and grandson, and we didn’t see them for three weeks–a record (and a hard one!) I’m thankful for FaceTime when we can’t see them in person. But they are finally doing better, and we got together for a couple of times the last few days.

Covid numbers are up again here, as they are in others places. Our church is meeting in person, but thankfully they keep the Zoom option open.

I mentioned in last week’s Friday’s Fave Five that my husband had been working on our leaking dishwasher. The parts he ordered didn’t fix the problem. After two weekends working on it, he posted this on Facebook:

There is one more thing he’ll try when the part comes in. If that doesn’t work—it’s dishwasher shopping time.

I was just telling a friend today that something about January makes me want to sort and organize. I don’t usually do a whole closet or cabinet at a time, but sometimes it will suddenly hit me that this item would work better there and this would be a better way to sort that. I had three areas (or more accurately four–two are in the kitchen, but they are separate spaces) that I was chafing to get to before Christmas. That didn’t happen, but I want to tackle them this month. I’ve done one—three to go.

A question about Feedly

Do any of you use Feedly as a blog aggregator? I like to put the blogs I read in there, and I can see when they have new posts instead of having to visit them individually. Feedly has been working fine for years, but lately it hasn’t been showing all of a site’s blog posts. There’s one that won’t update at all. Another only updates twice a week though they post five times a week. Another has posts on an irregular basis, but Feedly won’t show any posts from them for a while and then will show three all on the same day (not the way they were posted). Other blog posts show up like they are supposed to—at least, as far as I know.

I’ve tried to Google the problem but haven’t found a solution. When I click on Feedly’s support button, it takes me to a page that shows their paid plans—so I guess you get no support if you use the free plan?

It may be time to try a different service. Do you use something other than Feedly? I don’t need something with all kinds of features—I just want a blog aggregator.

I know I could subscribe to blogs via email, and some bloggers prefer that you follow them that way. But I really don’t want blog posts coming to my email. I like keeping blogs separate to read when I can get them. If they came through the mail, I’d either feel pressured to read them as soon as they come in, or they’d get buried and I’d miss them.

Creating

No cards this month–nice since December and February are big card-making months here.

I have another project in mind for the guest room, but I’ll share more about that when I get it started.

Watching and Listening

I mentioned earlier this week listening to a series on aging from Elisabeth Elliot’s old Gateway to Joy programs. BBN Radio is playing them this week, but they are also available on the EE web site.

I had not watched The Amazing Race for the last few years. But this year the Holderness Family is on it-–my son and d-i-l have shared with us several of their videos. I love that they treat each other with respect . . . unlike some other contestants. That’s one reason I stopped watching the show before—all the drama with people fighting. But I am looking forward to this year’s race.

We’ve been watching Around the World in 80 Days and All Creatures Great and Small on PBS Masterpiece Theatre. This is the second season of All Creatures, and even though it’s not entirely true to the books, the feel of the show and the characters are so cozy. 80 Days, however, is the kind of remake that riles me. It’s been a while since I read/listened to the book, but from what I can tell, only the characters’ names and the bare overview of the story are the same. It’s not just that they turned Detective Fix (who in the book mistook Fogg for a bank robber and was after him for much of the book) into a young female journalist. But they’ve changed nearly every scene, making it more fan fiction than a remake. And they are trying to infuse 21st century sentiments into a 19th century work. Argh! But . . . if I can just take it as it is and not compare it to the book, it’s enjoyable to watch.

We also watched Darkest Hour, about Winston Churchill’s appointment and early days as Prime Minister during WWII. It has been out for a while, but we had never heard of it. It was quite good, though some scenes and details are fictional. (Warning–one or two bad words.)

Reading

Since last time I have finished:

I’m currently reading:

  • 100 Best Bible Verses to Overcome Worry and Anxiety
  • Be Successful (1 Samuel): Attaining Wealth That Money Can’t Buy by Warren W. Wiersbe
  • The Middle Matters: Why That (Extra)Ordinary Life Looks Really Good on You by Lisa-Jo Baker
  • IBS for Dummies by Carolyn Dean and L. Christine Wheeler
  • Framley Parsonage (fiction) by Anthony Trollope (audiobook)
  • Half-Finished (fiction) by Lauraine Snelling

Blogging

Besides book reviews, Friday Fave Fives, and Laudable Linkage, I had these posts on the blog this month:

  • When God Changes Your Plans. “God’s highest blessing may not be having my plans and dreams turn out like I want.”
  • Books Shape Our Thinking. “We observed over the course of years a definite shift in thinking and beliefs in each of these cases. The speaker or writer didn’t come to their new views from their Bible reading, but from the books they read. Those books then colored their view of Scripture.”
  • Blameless? “Sometimes the word ‘blameless’ caused me the same kind of frustration as a white shirt. My flesh fails daily. How can I ever be blameless?”
  • God Is Not Going to Slap the Cookie From Your Hand. “Our standing before God and His love for us are totally dependent on His grace, not our actions. My ups and downs, stumblings, faults, and failures don’t threaten His love for me or my salvation. But Jesus did say, ‘If you love me, you will keep my commandments’ (John 14:15).”
  • An Old Poem for a New Year. Part of a poem by John Greenleaf Whittier about his birthday seemed applicable to the start of a new year.

Looking Ahead

On the plus side, we make much about Valentine’s Day, plus my daughter-in-law’s birthday is this month. A friend and I are trying to get together for lunch one day, an event that has been postponed due to the holidays and illnesses. On the downside, I have a medical test I am not looking forward to. But getting it over with will be a plus.

And each day is one day closer to spring, warmer days, more sunlight, and growing things!

How was your January? What are you looking forward to in February?

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

The Writer’s Desk

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I saw The Writer’s Desk by Jill Krementz mentioned by literary agent Wendy Lawton at the Books and Such blog. I was able to find a used copy at Amazon for around $6. I’ve enjoyed leafing through it the past few days.

The book is made up of large black and white photos of over 50 writers at their desks. Alongside each photo is a paragraph or two from the writer about his or her workspace, style, routine, etc.

It’s interesting to see the wide variety of styles, routines, and even dress. Some of the men came to their desks with sports jackets and ties. James Michener preferred very loose tee shirts and shorts so he was unimpeded as he worked.

The work space for some was clean and sparse. Many had very cluttered desks and offices.

Some had a routine; others were more free form in style.

Some needed absolute quiet and solitude; some were able to concentrate in the midst of everyday family life.

Some wrote longhand, some used a typewriter, others a computer. The book was published in 1996, and some of the pictures are much older. I don’t know how many chose pencils or typewriters instead of computers or just because that’s what was available in their day.

I loved many of the insights:

John Updike writes “by hand, when the fragility of the project—a poem, the start of a novel—demands that I sneak up on it with that humblest and quietest of weapons, a pencil” (p. xi).

Archibald MacLeish: “I am sure—I mean I am not sure at all but I believe—the master poets must come at their poems as a hawk on a pigeon in one dive. I can’t. I chip away like a stonemason who has got it into his head that there is a pigeon in that block of marble. But there’s a delight in the chipping” (p. 77).

Joseph Heller said many of his ideas come when he’s doing things like walking the dog or brushing his teeth. “I don’t get my best ideas while actually writing” (p. 85).

Isaac Bashevis Singer: “Some writers say that they can only write if they go to a far island. They would go to the moon to write not to be disturbed. I think that being disturbed is a part of human life and sometimes it’s useful to be disturbed because you interrupt your writing and while you rest, while you are busy with something else, your perspective changes or the horizon widens. All I can say about myself is that I have never really written in peace” (p. 91). That’s encouragement for people like me who are easily disturbed.

Saul Bellow: “I think that art has something to do with an arrest of attention in the midst of distraction” (p. 99).

Jill Krementz is the wife of Kurt Vonnegut and the author of several other books. She says in her acknowledgements that many of these excerpts came from George Plimpton’s “Writers at Work” series in his magazine.

Of the 56 authors mentioned here, I had only heard of nineteen and read about six of them. So I took a little bit of time to look up the desks of other favorite authors. I had looked up Louisa May Alcott’s desk after reading the novel The Orchard House, taken from the name of the house Louisa lived in while writing Little Women. It’s hard for me to imagine writing much on such a small area, but it was unusual for a woman to have a desk in those days. Her father made the semicircle desk especially for her. I also enjoyed this view of C. S. Lewis at his desk with his cup of tea nearby and Lucy Maude Montgomery at hers. I stopped there, as this rabbit trail could take hours. But maybe someday I’ll explore some more.

I enjoyed this glimpse of writers’ spaces and styles.

An Old Poem For a New Year

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Last week, I listened to Elisabeth Elliot’s Gateway to Joy series about aging. In one episode titled Being Part of the Permanent, she quoted a stanza of a poem by John Greenleaf Whittier. The words so seized me, I had to stop and look them up.

The poem is titled My Birthday. Whittier was 64 when it was published, a significant age in the 1800s. Though all the poem is a touching look at an “older” birthday, the first few stanzas seem to me to apply also to a new year. We’re not so far from the beginning of this one, so perhaps they’ll speak to you as they did to me. The stanza Elisabeth quoted is at the end of what I am sharing here, but there are many more stanzas besides.

Beneath the moonlight and the snow
Lies dead my latest year;
The winter winds are wailing low
Its dirges in my ear.

I grieve not with the moaning wind
As if a loss befell;
Before me, even as behind,
God is, and all is well!

His light shines on me from above,
His low voice speaks within,–
The patience of immortal love
Outwearying mortal sin.

Not mindless of the growing years
Of care and loss and pain,
My eyes are wet with thankful tears
For blessings which remain.

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

God Is Not Going to Slap the Cookie From Your Hand

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Many decades ago, during my college years, an administrator said that most religions of the world emphasized trying to earn God’s favor. Christianity, however, declared that it’s not by trying, but trusting—trusting the perfect, sinless Son of God who took our place on the cross we deserved.

These words were a relief to me. I had been familiar with Ephesians 2:8-9 for a few years by then: “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” But I still had to reassure myself that salvation was not a matter of being “good enough,” but rather resting in His goodness.

I had to learn the same principle in my Christian walk. Even after salvation, my standing with God was not a matter of trying to be good enough. My works were not to earn His approval. I would never be more saved or more loved than I already was. My walk, or sanctification, or growth was as much a matter of faith as my salvation. It was still Christ’s righteousness, not mine, that counted before God. The whole book of Galatians was written to people who thought they had to obey certain rules in order to be right with God:

 Let me ask you only this: Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh? Did you suffer so many things in vain—if indeed it was in vain? Does he who supplies the Spirit to you and works miracles among you do so by works of the law, or by hearing with faith—just as Abraham “believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness”?

It’s given immeasurable rest to my spirit to know I can always “with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).

The same college administrator made another statement at another time that has stayed with me all these years: “God’s not going to do your math homework for you.”

I don’t recall the context of that statement. Perhaps there were college students who thought prayer took the place of study. I can understand, as one who prayed my way through various lessons. I’m sure there were courses that were passed only through prayer. But they also required mental and physical effort.

Since then, I have amended that administrator’s statement about what God is not going to do:

God is not going to slap your fifth cookie out of your hand.

God is not going to turn off the TV when the sex scene starts.

God is not going to have devotions for you.

God is not going to make you take the opportunity you’re afraid of.

And so on.

I tend to be overly analytical. I’ve spent a great deal of thought on what’s God’s part and what’s our part in the Christian life. I can’t say I have it all figured out, even now. My tendency is to want to sort it out neatly in a series of points. God does this: 1, 2, and 3. And we do this: 1, 2, and 3. But I don’t think it works like that.

I do know this: As I said, our standing before God and His love for us are totally dependent on His grace, not our actions. My ups and downs, stumblings, faults, and failures don’t threaten His love for me or my salvation.

But Jesus did say, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15).

We don’t keep His commandments to earn His love or favor or salvation.

But we keep His commandment from His love and favor and salvation.

Because He loves us, saved us, changed us, we’re new creations.

We don’t put down the cookie because we’ll lose points with God if we eat it. But His Spirit dwells within us, and part of His fruit is self-control.

We don’t turn off the sex scene because we’ll go to hell if we don’t. We turn off the sex scene because we love a pure and holy God.

We don’t have time in prayer and the Bible because we’ll have a bad day if we don’t. We spend time with God because He is our Father, and we want to hear His great and precious thoughts.

We don’t take the scary opportunity because God won’t love us if we don’t, but because we want to do what He has called us to.

We can’t do anything without Him.

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing (John 15:4-5).

But as we walk through the day, seeking grace to help in time of need, asking for His strength, step by step, we yield to Him.

What do we do when we see a “Yield” traffic sign? We let the other drivers have the right of way.

What do we do when we yield to God? We let Him have His way. We acquiesce to His will.

The fact that our salvation is by grace through faith doesn’t mean there is no effort to the Christian life. Grace does not preclude obedience. Grace is not good just for forgiveness. Grace enables obedience.

The verses that seem to most clearly show our effort and His working:

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me. (1 Corinthians 15:10).

For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live (Romans 8:13).

So maybe there is no actual dividing line between God’s part and our part as we seek to live for Him. We don’t muster up the strength or will to serve Him on our own—we feed on His Word for our nourishment and strength and ask for His grace and help through prayer. Maybe it’s like the man with the withered hand or the paralyzed man in Scripture whom Jesus told to do the very things they could not do. With faith and obedience came enabling.

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

Laudable Linkage

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Here are a few posts that especially caught my eye this week. Maybe some with catch yours, too.

What to Do When Your Resolutions Start Dissolving. “We’re officially two weeks into 2022. And two weeks also happens to be the average life span of a new year’s resolution. So, even if you’re finding your big plans for “new year, new me” are already floundering, I’d like to offer you a few notes of encouragement.”

Spiritual Covid and Losing Your Taste for God, HT to Challies. “Through the pain of suffering or the false promises of sin, we can come down with a case of Spiritual COVID. We’re fatigued and grumpy, and even worse, we can’t taste anything anymore. We eat to survive, not because the food has any taste. We become sluggish in our service, bored with the Bible, less committed to the church.”

Everywhere Spoken Against, HT to Challies. “There may be a time to leave the local congregation but never a time to leave the church. I’ve compared her to an ugly bride, stumbling down the aisle toward glorification. That’s me, and that’s you.”

Our Escape Room, HT to Challies. “Finding out that you’re not the cream rising to the top is only traumatic if you thought you should be. And who are you to think you should be? A friend once told me, ‘Your problem is not that you think you’re not as good as other people; your problem is you want to be better than other people.’ Ouch.”

3 Simple Ways to Flatten Your Neighbor, HT to Challies. “Unfortunately, many in our society seem to be reverting to fourth-grade categorizations for just about everyone, and often doing so with the zeal of a crusader for a righteous cause.”

When Aslan Wept, HT to Challies. “While it is within God’s power to remove our suffering and make us feel better again, sometimes He does not. We can only trust that He’s grieving alongside us while working things out behind the scenes for our good and His glory.”

Whose Purpose Will Prevail in Your Suffering? HT to Challies. “Satan intends your suffering for evil; God intends it for good. Whose purpose in your suffering will prevail? Whose purpose are you furthering? Satan attempts to destroy your faith, while God invites you to draw near to Him and draw upon His sovereign grace to sustain you.”

Discipline: What If Scripture Isn’t Politically Correct? “Scripture has always been countercultural and while the world remains in its sinful state it always will be. This also means that faithfulness to the Biblical text will lead to cultural conflict. If some texts are ‘troubling to modern readers,’ we shouldn’t be surprised.” Beyond the subject of discipline, this article shows the problem with wrongly interpenetrating Scripture.

End of Year 2021 Book Lists. If you like adding to your ever-growing TBR list, Sherry looked through a lot of end-of-year book lists to get some great ideas.

Temperance and Play: The Weird and Wonderful Word of Wordle, HT to The Story Warren. If you’ve seen those tri-colored grids of cubes on social media and wondered what they were all about, this article explains.

And to end with a smile:

Happy Saturday!

Friday’s Fave Fives

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It’s Friday, time to look back over the blessings of the week
with Susanne at Living to Tell the Story and other friends.

Time just keeps marching on, doesn’t it? Here are a few highlights from this week.

1. Visit with friends. Our church had set up a succession of ladies to bring meals to our pastor and his wife upon their bringing their new baby home from the hospital. I was prepared for the possibility of just dropping off food on my night–sometimes the new mom is sleeping or feeding the baby, etc. And with Covid, it would be understandable if the parents wanted people to keep a distance. But we were able to visit a little while (we wore masks just to be on the safe side and not bring germs in). I was so glad–these are some of my favorite people. We even got to see the new little one.

2. Snow that didn’t impede travel. Northern friends sometimes scoff over this, but Southern cities just don’t have the equipment to keep roads clear during snow and ice. When we were taking care of my m-i-l at home, often an inch or two of snow would keep hospice people from coming. We had snow this week that hung around for three days (unusual here–it’s usually gone within a day), but the roads were fine. Plus we didn’t experience power outages, another factor for snowfall here.

3. A handy husband–not only his handiness, but his willingness to deal with things around the house. Our dishwasher developed a leak that we discovered when the flooring in front of it started buckling. He was thinking dishwashers were only $300 or so, so he didn’t want to put too much money into repairs if buying a new one seemed a better idea. But he investigated—and dishwashers are considerably more than that. Last Saturday, Jim pulled the dishwasher out and took up the affected flooring. He was able to improve the dishwasher problem, but we have to wait on some parts to come in to fix it. He was able to salvage some of the flooring, plus the previous owners had some leftovers.

He put everything back together so I could still use the dishwasher this week.

4. Reading is always a favorite, but I don’t often stop to read (or listen to) a book in the middle of the afternoon. I tend to tuck reading into other times or listen while doing other things. One day this week, I’d had to get up early for a doctor’s appointment, then I went to the store afterward. Plus the day was cold and gray and drizzly. After lunch, I was wiped out. So I leaned back in my desk chair and set my audiobook for 30 minutes. I was close enough to the end, and caught up enough in the story, that I wanted to press on and finish. It was a nice little break in the week.

5. A visit with the kids is always a favorite, too. But just after Jeremy left to go back to RI, Mittu and Timothy contracted Covid, so we haven’t seen them in almost three weeks now except for a couple of Face Times via iPhone (they are still coughing, but overall better. Hopefully we’ll see them this weekend.) We hadn’t seen Jesse just from his being involved in other things, but he came over Sunday for dinner and a haircut. Though it’s nice to visit with everyone together, it’s nice sometimes to visit one on one—and especially after not seeing anyone for so long.

Hope you’ve had a good week!