Christmas brims with traditions. Some point back to long centuries: lights to represent the light of the world, stars to remind us of the one that led the wise men, gifts exchanged in commemoration of the gifts brought to the Christ child.

Martin Luther is often credited with the first Christmas tree. Charles Dickens (perhaps unwittingly) set in motion our modern-day idea of Christmas with feasting and charity.

But personal traditions that form within families or individual lives are often the dearest.

One of the things I love best about decorating the Christmas tree together as a family is the memories inspired by the ornaments as we bring them out of boxes and hang them.

Once, one of the boys hung a snowflake ornament on the ceiling when I wasn’t looking. It took me a while to notice it, and then I couldn’t reach it to take it down. Now the plastic snowflake ornament shows up in various places almost every year: a curio cabinet, among figurines on the mantle, and all sorts of ceiling spots.

Of course, Christmas isn’t the only time for traditions. On our anniversary, my husband and I place cards for each other under the other’s pillow, and we read them last thing before we go to sleep.

One Valentine’s Day, I made mini meat loaves in the shape of hearts one year, and now it’s a tradition to have “meat hearts” that day.

Each holiday and season has its own rhythms and rites.

Traditions can form around everyday occurrences, too–football game snacks, bedtime rituals, celebrating milestones like graduation, raises, and promotions, etc.

Traditions enhance our celebrations, strengthen our relationships and sense of belonging, give us cheerful practices to anticipate and look back on with fondness. Traditions within a larger culture can help form a cultural identity.

But traditions can sometimes be a problem:

When one person wants everything the same and another wants something new. A few years ago, a friend on Facebook asked what new things people were making for Thanksgiving. I thought “New? For Thanksgiving?” 🙂 We look forward to having the same things each year. But we’ve made some adjustments as needed and are open to other suggestions. Maybe, if there’s conflict, the main dishes could be agreed upon with the side dishes changing each year.

When seasons of loss or sorrow overshadow the holidays. Sometimes it’s a comfort to do the same familiar things even when the person you did them with is no longer there. But for some, those same rituals would be painful. And there might be different tendencies within the same family. There is no one right answer except to be sensitive to each other.

Sometimes a loss can trigger a new tradition. We knew a couple whose daughter was killed by a drunk driver. They helped host a yearly holiday dinner for other families who had suffered through a similar loss. One friend’s widowed grandmother missed the rose her husband used to give her on their anniversary. The family made sure someone brought her a rose every year after that. After my mother passed away, my family in TX met to go together to the cemetery every year with a small Christmas tree or arrangement.

When new additions are added to the family. A friend was talking with her oldest son and new daughter-in-law about the holidays. Things seemed to be up in the air, and with three more young people at home who would be marrying over the next few years, my friend felt she needed to set some boundaries so the yearly celebration wasn’t an upheaval. She simply shared when they had their usual Christmas dinner and went from there.

When children marry (or parents remarry), each couple has another whole side of the family with its traditions to deal with. Hopefully, new blendings of traditions will come into the mix. But each couple will not be able to do all the things both families always do.

When circumstances interfere. For several years, our Thanksgiving tradition was to get together with a family my husband was close to from his home church. One year, we visited friends in one state overnight before traveling on to the other friends’ home for Thanksgiving. Our car broke down in the first friend’s driveway. We had to find someone to tow it away and fix it plus rent a car for the rest of the trip. We ate at Burger King on the way. Our youngest got carsick on winding mountain roads. We finally arrived just as the family we were visiting was having their evening leftovers from the noon meal.

Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and make the best of it. But those holidays that turned out different than expected are sometimes the most memorable ones.

When there are too many traditions to keep up with. We can add things to do each year until we’re over-scheduled, stressed, and frustrated. If traditions are making us tired, irritable, and wanting to be left alone, they’re doing the opposite of what they’re supposed to.

When my kids were little, December was stuffed with school programs, piano recitals, church group get-togethers, and so much more. One year we just didn’t get around to making Christmas cookies. No one seemed to notice, so we skipped that activity for several years.

I love Christmas cards and letters, but I know many who have stopped sending them due to expense and time.

Perhaps a family meeting is needed to discern what activities mean the most to each person, and some traditions can be removed or rotated from year to year.

When a tradition has outlived its usefulness or no longer carries meaning, but we can’t let go of it. I heard of a family who was discussing who was going to make a particular traditional dish for Christmas when they realized that none of them liked that dish. It was started by someone who had passed away years ago.

Sometimes we maintain a tradition for one or a few people as an expression of love to them. But if everyone is doing the same things just because “That’s what we always do,” it’s okay to let some traditions go.

A tradition is not an end in itself. We shouldn’t regard an occasion as ruined if we don’t get to incorporate a particular tradition. We need to be flexible; as life changes, we need to change and adapt with it.

And we need to remember what the tradition is for: to celebrate, to show love, to draw people together, and to make fond memories.

If some traditions are more of a burden than a blessing, we can remember to “pursue what promotes peace and what builds up one another.” (Romans 14:19, CSB).

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