Category Archives: Homemaking

Can frugality go too far?

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Frugality is a good thing. We’re supposed to be good stewards of the things God has entrusted us with. We’re supposed to exercise self-control, reduce, reuse, recycle, save, watch for bargains, etc. But is it ever possible to be too frugal? Are there any downsides to frugality?

I believe so. I want to share a few excesses or misapplications of frugality. Of course, not every frugal person manifests all of these traits, or any of them, necessarily. But these are things I have seen in real-life people and situations that we need to watch out for in our own hearts and lives.

1. Pride

There is nothing wrong with a sense of joy and satisfaction when we’ve found a great deal. There is nothing wrong with putting frugal practices into place as we feel led. But it can be easy to look with condescension or even scorn on others who don’t follow the same practices. One of the hardest things in the Christian life is to deal with the fact that not everyone feels led to the same place we feel the Lord has led us to in various aspects of life.

Once I was at a friend’s house when she invited me for lunch. She began making macaroni and cheese from scratch, and I was amazed that she would go to such trouble when the boxed varieties were less than a quarter back then. She responded that she usually had all the ingredients on hand and she didn’t consider it any trouble. Yet when we talked about spaghetti sauce, she admitted that she used the kind in a jar because she felt it was too much trouble to make from scratch, while I made spaghetti sauce from scratch all the time and didn’t consider it any trouble at all. I was relating this to a mutual friend and commented on how funny it was that different things were considered “trouble” by different people when this friend said, “Well, I wouldn’t use either of those!” It didn’t bother me that she didn’t use jars of spaghetti sauce or boxes of mac and cheese, but what bothered me was the condescending tone with which she said it.

Frugality does take time, either to make items from scratch or to search for deals or clip coupons or fill out rebate forms or whatever. Some people may choose to use mixes or jars occasionally as a time-saver, and if that’s okay with their families and within their budget, that’s fine. It’s not necessarily a sin to pay full retail price for items.

2. One-upmanship

This is somewhat related to the first point. Once I was showing a friend a new purse that I had found, that was the color and style I wanted with just the right little pockets, handle length, etc., and I happened upon it for $2 at a bargain table. Instead of saying anything along the lines of, “Hey what a great deal!” her response was, “I found one like that at a yard sale for fifty cents once.” It felt like a put-down. It’s normal to want to share our bargaining conquests, but when we try to outdo each other, something is wrong.

3. Lack of willingness to pay for quality

One friend who had a retail business had an interesting conversation with one her vendors one day. They both had dealings with a Christian university which had students, faculty and staff living in town. The vendor said, “Those folks recognize and want quality, but they don’t want to pay for it.” I don’t think that was necessarily a good testimony. Other people need to make money from their efforts. After all, if we were to make and sell goods or provide services, we would want, even need in most cases, to make enough money for it to be worth the materials and time involved. It’s not wrong to look for sales or deals or ask for a better offer, but, as I said above, it’s not wrong to pay full retail prices if it fits our budget and the Lord allows. There is a difference between being frugal and being cheap.

4. Obsession

Finding good bargains and saving money can bring joy and satisfaction, and once people get started on the lifestyle, frugality tends to grow. But if one’s life is so obsessed with bargain-hunting and implementing frugality that they become one-dimensional, can’t talk about anything else, or other interests or people are neglected, they may be going too far.

5. Hoarding

I know a dear older lady who grew up in the Depression and WWII era. She learned frugality and “doing without” as a lifestyle. She never put great stock in having a lot of things or having nice things, but she can rarely let go of what she does have for fear that she might need it some day. Her home is overflowing with things that are falling apart, outdated, or unneeded, but she can’t let them go. She can’t even be motivated by the thought that the things in good condition that she doesn’t use (and hasn’t in 40 years) could be sold or given away and become a blessing to someone else.

You know, you don’t have to be rich or have a lot to be materialistic. An over-preoccupation with the meager “things” you do have can be just as materialistic a mind-set.

6. Excess

Many coupons or specials require the user to buy multiple items in order to redeem the coupon, and some keep a few shelves for the “extras” or donate them to missions closets or rescue missions. But I’ve heard of people having whole rooms for such extras. Is that really necessary? Must we have 3 to 5 or more bottles of shampoo, deodorant, or whatever on hand? One lady I knew kept buying and then getting free an excess of hair care products and then had a hard time finding someone to give them to, and I thought, “You don’t have to buy them just because there is a deal on them.”

7. Shady practices

Sometimes this excessiveness can lead to less than noble practices, to put it mildly, or outright wrongdoing. Ann recently wrote about seeing a TV program where people with more coupons than the store allowed at a time went back to the store ten times for ten different transactions so they could use all the coupons, getting about a thousand dollars worth of groceries for about $20. That might sound great like a great deal, a super conquest, but how many stores could handle it if several customers did that? I can remember the days when stores had no restrictions on how many coupons could be doubled or the amount that could be doubled, but when articles started coming out about how shoppers could buy groceries for just a few dollars, or even get money back, then manufacturers and stores had to start adding restrictions lest they go out of business. So those few excessive couponers negatively impacted other shoppers, when these restrictions might not have been put in place if everyone had kept in moderation.

In another vein, this sentence jumped out at me in the biography Goforth of China by Rosalind Goforth: “”Graft, sweating of the poor (fed by women’s thirst for bargains) were horrors of cruelty to him that must be and were denounced” (p. 154).

8. Leaving some for others

Something else to think about when buying more than we need is the principle in the Old Testament of leaving something in the fields for poorer people to glean (Leviticus19:9-10). You might think with all that the Bible teaches about industry and diligence and hard work that God would want people to be careful to pick every possible piece of fruit off the vine. But He wanted people to leave some for others. We need to think about that before we buy an excess of items because they’re on sale: if the first twenty shoppers did that, would there be any left for anyone else? I don’t think this principle means that if the toy we want to buy our child for Christmas is the last one on the shelf, we should leave it for someone else. We have to keep all these things in balance. But perhaps we don’t need to buy twenty cans of pumpkin on sale if we’re just going to make a couple of pies and a few batches of bread or muffins with it over the winter.

I’ve also wrestled with this in regard to thrift stores. I feel I am supporting the charity that operates the thrift store when I buy something there, but I’ve wondered if I am taking something from someone else who couldn’t buy it anywhere else. I’m still pondering this one.

9. Time factors

As I mentioned before, most frugal practices do take time. There are some situations in life where there is really no choice: for various reasons there is a lack of income and time must be spent looking for ways to save money, even if those ways cost more time. But sometimes time itself can be put to better use than spending most of the day dragging children to five different stores, spending hours making something that would have been less of an investment to buy, spending time scouting online frugality sites when that time might be better spent in other pursuits, etc.

10. Impact on others

I was in a home once where I felt hampered by the hostess’s ultra-frugality, though she had the best of intentions. If I threw a paper plate in the trash, she got it out (sometimes seconds after it left my hand) to put it in the fireplace (where it burned in seconds, not really providing any long-lasting fuel). If I started to throw away a bit of food my child didn’t eat, she’d say, “No, don’t do that: save it for the dog.” I felt like I was constantly doing things “wrong.” Maybe your family (or guests!) would like you just to relax sometimes rather than feeling you’re constantly hounding them, or spend time with them rather than spending Saturdays scouting yard sales. Maybe they’d rather you didn’t buy three boxes of cereal they’re not crazy about (or like, but would also like some variety) because it was a good deal.

11. Neglect

If we neglect buying something we really need or avoid going to the doctor when sick because we don’t want to spend the money, we may be carrying frugality too far. There is a difference between not being able to do these things financially and not doing them just because we don’t want to. Good health is a good investment.

12. Health and sanitation

Even canned goods have an expiration date on them (another reason not to store an excess of them), and sometimes it’s best to throw away questionable leftovers than eat them. I’ve been sorely convicted by Proverbs 12:27 while throwing out food: “The slothful man roasteth not that which he took in hunting: but the substance of a diligent man is precious.” I need to do much better to be diligent to use my “substance,” but if it does spoil, I shouldn’t use it just because I don’t want to throw it out. Once a dear lady pulled out some leftover corn from the refrigerator, remarked that it didn’t look very good, and then, instead of throwing it out, added more fresh corn to it. I was less than excited to eat that meal!

I’m sharing the following not to disparage my mother-in-law, but to help others understand how older people’s thought processes can work. My mother-in-law grew up in an era where you rarely if ever threw anything away. Now in her old age when she doesn’t always think clearly, she wants to reuse straws. We use bendy straws to make it easier for her to handle, and she’ll take them out of her glass when she’s done and put them on her end table. The next time we get her something to drink, she’ll want us to reuse those straws rather than get a new one – even if that straw has been sitting there long enough to have dried milk globules in it. I don’t know if she could get sick from drinking through a used straw, but I don’t want to take the chance. She fusses at me for throwing them away, but I tell her teasingly she’s not so poor that she has to reuse straws (and I try to throw them away when she’s not looking so it doesn’t disturb her.)

13. Lack of faith.

Frugal practices can be a good investment in wise stewardship. But if it is causing any of the above problems, yet the one involved feels she can’t possibly scale back, it might be evidence of not trusting the Lord for His provision.

I know a dear younger lady who is trying very hard to be as frugal as possible because her husband is in a ministry that isn’t able to pay much, and she wants to stay home with her children rather than work outside the home. That is commendable and I applaud that. Yet she is so frantic about it that it seems a constant source of worry and consternation to her. She reads a number of frugality sites, always feeling like a failure because there is more she feels she should be doing. But there is so much information online about this kind of thing now, we can’t possibly do everything recommended, go to every store, find every deal, and then beat ourselves up if we paid for something and then found a better price elsewhere. It’s a miserable way to live. We really need to seek the Lord for what practices He would have us employ and remember that ultimately our provision is from Him.

One former pastor used to say that for every strength there is an off-setting weakness. Couponing, yard-saling, thrifting. repurposing and other frugal practices are good and effective, and most of us should probably work on being more frugal. But like anything else, if done to excess or in the wrong spirit it can lead to other problems. We need to remember to do unto others what we’d have them do for us if we had a business. We need to work hard yet trust God and keep all of these principles in balance. In an excellent post about frugality, Tim Challies sums up:

I guess the long and short is that money can be as big an idol when you seek not to spend it as it can when you do nothing but spend it. Frugality in and of itself must not be an end in itself but must be a means to a greater end of bringing glory to God and of serving others. Ever and always it is a matter of the heart.

(Graphic is courtesy of Microsoft Office clip art.)

This post will be also linked to “Works For Me Wednesday,” where you can find an abundance of helpful hints each week at We Are THAT family on Wednesdays, as well as  Women Living Well.

A Real Home

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I just rediscovered this in my files and thought I’d share it with you. I don’t remember where I first saw it: it says it came from the Yankee Kitchen Cookbook, 1969.

A Real Home

A Real Home is a gymnasium. The ideal of a healthy body is the first one to give a child.

A Real Home is a lighthouse. A lighthouse reveals the breakers ahead and shows a clear way past them.

A Real Home is a playground. Beware of the house where you “dassen’t frolic”–there mischief is brewing for someone.

A Real Home is a workshop. Pity the boy without a kit of tools or the girl without a sewing basket. They haven’t learned the fun of doing things, and there is no fun like it.

A Real Home is a forum. Honest, open discussion of life’s great problems belongs originally in the family circle.

A Real Home is a Secret Society. Loyalty to one’s family should mean keeping silent on family matters–just this and nothing more.

A Real Home is a Health Resort. Mothers are the natural physicians.

A Real Home is a cooperative league. Households flourish where the interest of each is made the interest of all.

A Real Home is a business concern. Order is a housewife’s hobby. But order without system is a harness without a horse.

A Real Home is a haven of refuge. The world does this for us all: it makes us hunger for a loving sympathy and a calming, soothing touch.

A Real Home is a Temple of Worship.

~Author unknown.

(Graphic courtesy of Graphic Garden)

Laudable Linkage

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Here are interesting things I’ve seen around the Web lately: maybe some will interest you as well.

10 reasons to break the sarcastic habit, with action plan.

So Was Jesus.

Thoughts on Modesty, not from the standpoint of causing guys to stumble, though that’s a valid concern, but as a matter of our own hearts before God.

“Dora the Doormat” and other Scary Straw Women of Complementarity, HT to Challies. Deals with some of the erroneous charges some make against proponents of complementarianism, the view that God created the sexes equal but with roles that complement one another.

Confessions of a Conflicted Complementarian, showing how gospel grace applies even in this.

One taxpayer’s response to the potential government shutdown. Heh, heh, heh.

Food:

Double Chocolate Treasures. I am definitely trying these!

Cake Balls. I usually take the easy route of just throwing cake batter in a 9 x 13 pan, but these looks so good.

Resurrection Rolls for Easter breakfast. I’ve posted my version with yeast rolls before, but this one uses crescent rolls and cinnamon. I might just try this kind this year.

Crafts/decorations:

Buttons on display. Really cute card made with buttons.

How to Turn Mini-Blinds Into Roman Shades, HT to Lizzie.

What guys think about modesty:

I can’t imagine all the work behind this:

Happy Saturday!

Laudable Linkage and Fun Videos

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Here are a few things that stood out to me online this week:

Filling my home with the unseen, HT to Lizzie. Both the photos and the sentiments are lovely.

Pray to BLESS. I’ve heard and read a number of acronyms as a help to prayer, but I had never come across this one before. Very helpful.

The New Evangelical Virtues. Tim Challies masterfully discusses “characteristics that seem to pass as virtues today…doubt, opaqueness, and an emphasis on asking rather than answering questions.” “Humility is not found in doubting what is true, but in believing that what God says is true is true indeed.”

Spring Cleaning Your Facebook Account. No, not a discussion of purging your “Friends” list, but rather helpful questions to check our hearts. It’s not that the technology is bad, but what’s in our hearts is going to reveal itself even there.

Why Books Still Matter.

I almost labeled this “Luggage Inspectors,” but I didn’t want to be snarky. 🙂 Let’s just say don’t leave a parked car where there are monkeys:

This is amazing. I could never do this — not only because I can’t play music, but I’m sure I would knock over more than one glass.

Happy Saturday!

Homemaking meme

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This is another post I’ve had incubating, adding to it a little at a time. Since I have to go run errands in a bit and therefore not as much time to think through some other thoughts, I decided to post this today. Feel free to use it if you like! Let me know if you do and I’ll come see your answers (or feel free to answer in the comments). And, since I created this meme, I’d appreciate a link back. 😀

1. Do you make a plan for the week? The day? Or just go with the flow?

No, I don’t, unless I have some kind of deadline coming up. I tend to work housework in around what needs to be done and when I have time to do it…and, sorry to say, when I feel like it. 🙂 But I feel like it much more often than I did years ago! I can’t stand for things to get too very cluttered or dusty for very long.

2. When is your best planning time?

Usually the night before or first thing in the morning.

3. Do you clean room by room or task by task (e.g., do you dust the whole house at one time, or do you clean the living room completely before going on to another room?)

Task by task for most things. When I have the dusting stuff out, or the vacuum, I like to do everything I have to do with it while it’s out. One exception would be bathrooms: I tend to clean the whole bathroom before going on the the next one, except that I do all the floors at one time after I’ve cleaned everything else.

4. Do you do certain tasks every day every week, like a shopping day, a laundry day, etc.?

No — see #1. I do try to avoid housework that doesn’t need to be done on Sundays, and I have to wash Jesse’s gym clothes some time between Friday afternoon and Monday morning, but otherwise I tend to attack things on an as-needed basis.

5. What’s your least favorite housecleaning task?

Probably cleaning toilets.

6. Do you have a favorite housecleaning task?

I can’t honestly say I enjoy any particular housecleaning task, but I’m okay with most once I get started, and I do like the results.

7. What do other family members do in the way of cleaning the house?

When the boys were younger we rotated different jobs — there were some done every day (dishwasher, garbage, taking recycling out, etc.) and some done weekly (vacuuming, dusting). Now Jason and Mittu take care of the dishes most nights and Jesse does whatever I ask whenever I ask — often taking our garbage and recycling and sometimes unloading the dishwasher. He also takes care of the dog as well. Jason and Jesse help bring groceries in. Since Jim works 60+ hours I rarely ask him to do anything unless I am in a real bind. I figure that’s my work while his is being the “breadwinner” (yes, we’re pretty traditional 🙂 ), but sometimes he pitches in. He takes care of anything outside. That leaves me with the laundry (though Jason and Mittu do their own), dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, bathrooms, organizing and clutter pick-up, shopping, cooking, all the extra little jobs in the kitchen, etc. — enough to keep me busy. 🙂

8. What, if anything, do you do to make housecleaning more enjoyable, (e.g., play music, set a timer, etc.).

When I was first married, I had one friend who liked to spend a lot of time on the phone — and we didn’t have cordless phones then, much less cell phones. It was popular at least in the kitchen area to have an extra-long cord so you could reach the whole room while on the phone. So sometimes I would call this friend or my mom (my mom and I rarely talked for less than an hour) while puttering around the house cleaning here and there. One of my dislikes of newer phones was that they were so small I couldn’t comfortably put them between my head and my shoulder so I could talk and use my hands for other things. These days most of us don’t talk on the phone that long any more, and many phones have gotten “hands-free” anyway.

But usually I turn on the Christian radio station or play a CD. I don’t have an iProduct. I don’t know if I’d like either headphones or earpieces. I need to borrow one of the kids’ devices and try it out to see, because sometimes I do think it would be nice to listen to an audiobook or something else. I don’t like to just sit in front of the computer to listen to anything there without doing something with my hands, so being able to take some of those things with me while I work sounds appealing.

9. What things make a room seem messy or unclean to you?

Clutter. Picking things up and establishing a sense of order does wonders for making it look cleaner.

And dust.

10. What are particular areas that are standouts to you that other people miss?

The area around the faucet on the sink. It can pretty quickly get gunky stuff around it, and in our area, even pink or black mold. Once my sister was staying with us and surprised me by cleaning the bathrooms while I was out. I think the first thing I noticed was that little gunky black line around the faucet, and it took a great deal of effort to just say thank you and not mention that.

11. How do you motivate yourself to clean when you don’t feel like it?

The biggest thing is just to get started. “Once begun is half done” as the saying goes. Another motivation is having been embarrassed a few times when someone popped in unexpectedly and the house looked like a disaster area. But then I felt really guilty one time “cleaning for company” when I thought — doesn’t my family deserve a clean home, too? Wouldn’t it help motivate them in their future to keep things clean if that’s the habit they’ve grown up with, rather than a frenzied, pressured marathon cleaning when an event is coming up? Plus I’ve learned that I just feel more peaceful and orderly in my thinking when my environment is fairly orderly. When the house is cluttered and chaotic, I just feel the same way (not to mention time and energy wasted not being able to find things when needed, etc.). And then, I have learned over the years that it is less work and takes less time to keep on top of housework than to let it slide and build up.

But probably what should be the biggest motivator for a Christian homemaker is that we’re representatives of Christ. I don’t think that means we have to keep things museum quality and can’t let our families relax in their own homes. We shouldn’t become more Martha than Mary. But “Let all things be done decently and in order” (I Corinthians 14:40), though the context is church services, surely applies in principle  to every area of life. And then of course I Corinthians 10:31 applies to all areas: “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” If a non-Christian walked into my house unexpectedly, would a messy, unclean house or a basically clean and orderly house be a better testimony? And shouldn’t that testimony be before my own family as well, not just unbelievers? Now, I admit, I don’t think through that every time I need to clean, but every now and then getting the right perspective helps.

Sometimes collecting quotes about homemaking encourages me, too. I put several in an older post titled “Encouragement for Homemakers.” A few other homemaking-related posts are:

Wanting things to be “perfect.”

I confess: I really don’t like to cook.

Two views of housework.

Cooking style.

“Thy list be done.”

ABC Homemaking Meme.

(Graphic courtesy of Fotosearch)

Laudable Linkage and Videos

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It’s been a while since I’ve done this, but here are some things around the Web that I’ve found interesting — perhaps some will interest you as well.

Mercy in a Dustpan about practical ways of ministering to others in a crisis.

What If I’m Not a Gifted Evangelist? HT to Challies.

Someday Is a Liar and a Thief, good thoughts on not waiting to offer hospitality as a single person, but applicable to all of us who hope to be more hospitable “someday.”

The Vanity of Loveless Prophets.

Writing:

Novel Editing Tips.

A Showcase of Inspirational Writing Quotes.

Craftiness:

DIY Sweater Pillows, HT to Lizzie. I have an old sweater coming apart at the seams and sleeves, but the design is beautiful, and this would be a great way to preserve it.

DIY Photos on Canvas, HT to Lizzie again.

16 Crafty Bulletin and Memo Board Tutorials.

Kid’s Classroom Valentines. Cute, simple ideas for giving a different kind of Valentine.

I wouldn’t want things really to happen this way — because I’d be on the receiving end sometimes, I’m afraid — but it is funny.

And this is why I am glad I don’t live up North!

Have a great Saturday! I’m not sure yet what our plans are. If hubby doesn’t have any, I think I’m just going to putter around getting a few things done here and there. Love those kinds of days!

The Dinner Party That Wasn’t

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Our new church has a “Dinner For Six” program which I’ve mentioned before: people who want to participate sign up and the coordinators divide everyone into groups of three couples. Each couple hosts dinner for the other two once during a three-month period , with everyone dividing up the meal each time. The host family provides main course, one family brings salad and bread, the other brings dessert and a beverage, and they rotate with each meal. It’s a really neat way to get to know people beyond just chatting after services and to meet people from other Sunday School classes or the other side of the church.

We had our first dinner back in October with our pastor’s family and another couple. The second couple was supposed to host in November, but the wife’s mother became ill and she spent much of the month in the hospital with her or at her home afterward. Not only was there not an opportune time, but they were just under too much pressure. Throughout December we tried to find a time that would work for everyone, but we just never could get together. The new rotations for the Dinner For Six were to begin in January, but we attempted to get our last group together one last time and arranged to do so at our home this past Saturday.

Hospitality is not my strong suit, but I’ve come a long way, by God’s grace, since early married years when I felt I had to spring clean every nook and cranny, get every house project on the docket done, and then make some elaborate new dish when company came. It was nice to have only the main dish to prepare, and I put together a tried-and-true crock pot meal that serves a crowd. I planned a side dish “just in case.” I’m more on top of regular housekeeping than I used to be, but there was plenty to do (you can’t clean too far ahead, because then you’d have to do it all over again before the event). I learned a long time ago that I’ll probably not get everything done I’d like to and to prioritize what things had to get done vs. other things I could then get to if I had time. I was a little dismayed at not having help: Mittu was sick and Jason was ministering to her, and Jesse had an basketball game two hours away which Jim attended. I felt bad about not going, but I didn’t feel I could handle being in the car so much before having people over even if I’d gotten everything done ahead of time. Plus I felt I should be here in case something happened to delay them. So I actually looked forward to putting on some music and digging in.

Everything came together fairly well. But then a couple of hours before dinner time I got word that the pastor’s wife and daughter were sick and that he would be coming alone with their part of the meal. I was disappointed that his wife couldn’t make it and felt bad that she was sick.

The pastor arrived at 6, but the other couple was nowhere to be seen. We thought perhaps they had mistaken the time, so we waited until about 6:30, then decided we should call them. Not only had they forgotten all about it, but their refrigerator had broken down and they were right in the midst of cleaning everything out of it and putting a new one in. Even though we had enough food for them to go ahead and come without bringing their portion, it just was not a good time for them. If I had been thinking we could have offered to take dinner to them, but that just didn’t come to mind.

We enjoyed the time with the pastor, but I couldn’t even really enjoy feeling a little like the Shunammite woman who helped feed the man of God because I felt that, instead of ministering to someone who was out and about and needing refreshment, I was taking him away from his sick family who would rather have him home. And though the conversation around the table was pleasant, even fun, after everything was over, I felt profoundly disappointed.

Disappointed? Why?

Because I felt like I had gone to all that work for nothing.

Nothing? No, not if everything is done as unto the Lord. Hospitality does not depend on the number ministered to, and even if only my own family had shown up, are they not worthy of hospitality as well? I do cook and clean for them regularly, of course, and we have an occasional special night with tablecloth, special foods, etc. — this could have been a special celebration “just because.”

Because I wanted my new friends to see my home.

Ah, there is the crux of it. No, it’s not like we live in a mansion and I wanted to offer a museum tour. I enjoy visiting other people’s homes and seeing what other people have on their walls, how they arrange things, what they collect, what colors they like, etc. –it helps me get to know them better and see their personality reflected in their home. And I wanted them to get to know me in the same way. I don’t think that’s necessarily wrong. But hospitality is not about me. It’s not supposed to be, anyway. It’s supposed to be centered on ministering to others.

As I worked through my disappointments, I looked for several good things from the experience:

  • The house was all clean, earning me a bit of rest and time to do other things for a few days.
  • I got a few more decorating projects completed.
  • There was enough food left over to provide for Sunday dinner, making an easy meal of just warming things up.
  • I could rejoice in having a calm, productive day rather than whipping myself and my family into a frenzy as has happened previously when company was coming.
  • We got to spend time with the pastor and ask some questions we had.

And in church the next day, hearing some of the burdens and prayer requests and even victories as one new precious soul came to the Lord, I was reminded that there are much bigger things going on in the world than my little dinner, and I need to get over myself. 🙂

If you’re still reading, thanks for listening to my rambling as I tried to work out my thoughts and perspectives. 🙂

Laudable Linkage

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Wow — came across some deep, thought-provoking posts this week as well as some fun ones. Hope you find a few you enjoy!

What is Success? Life in the Upside Down Kingdom by Ann Voskamp, HT to Lisa Notes. I’d urge any of my blogger friends who are Christians to read this if you don’t read anything else here. I need the constant reminder that whatever else my blog is or does, it is first and foremost done as unto Him.

Also by Ann, HT to Addy, When you’re trying to get your priories straight. Beautiful. I’ve been referred to and blessed by Ann’s blog so often that I finally subscribed.

Seeing past what it seems, HT to Lizzie, had me in tears.

‘Twas the night before chemo and Cary Schmidt puts this journey into perspective. HT to Susan.

On a lighter note:

Flourless chocolate cake.

Do you love turkey? — jokes and cartoons for Thanksgiving.

Turkey finger puppet tutorial.

Free decals for kitchen use.

This little girl is soooo cute! She tells the story of Jonah, and though she doesn’t have every little point exactly right, she has wonderful presence, a variety of voices, and a sweet way of saying “sh” for “s”. “Forgive us for being shelfish.”

And if you’d like to spend 3 1/2 minutes listening to some beautiful instrumental music, here you go:

And

The Week In Words

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Welcome to The Week In Words, where we share quotes from the last week’s reading. If something you read this past week  inspired you, caused you to laugh, cry, think, dream, or just resonated with you in some way, please share it with us, attributing it to its source, which can be a book, newspaper, blog, Facebook — anything that you read. More information is here.

Here are some that caught my eye this week, with little commentary:

You’ll see why I like this one from a friend’s Facebook. 🙂

“The wisdom of the wise and the experience of the ages are perpetuated by quotations.” — Benjamin Disraeli

From Mennonite Girls Can Cook:

“Every house where love abides
And friendship is a guest,
Is surely home, and home sweet home,
For the heart can rest.”
~Henry Van Dyke~

I want my home to be a place where the heart can rest.

From another friend’s Facebook

“Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.”

And from yet another friend’s Facebook, advice from a friend of hers while recuperating from a serious condition:

“Give yourself time to completely heal without guilt for taking the time.”

If you ever have had to heal from something, you know about feeling either guilty or discouraged  because you can’t do things that need to be done. But healing takes time.

From Keep a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliot:

The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances.

And finally, from Angela Hunt’s The Note:

Some people…accept the “trappings” of belief without ever actually embracing the belief itself.

Sad but true. One of my prayers for each of us in my family, myself first of all, is that we would be genuine believers and not just going through the motions of Christian culture.

If you’ve read anything that particularly spoke to you that you’d like to share, please either list it in the comments below or write a post on your blog and then put the link to that post (not your general blog link) in Mr. Linky below. I do ask that only family-friendly quotes be included.

Wanting things to be “perfect”

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You know how it is when company’s coming. Though you always want to keep your house to a certain level of cleanliness, and you do esteem your family members above everyone else, there is just something about having company that sets off a housecleaning frenzy.

I learned long ago that I can’t usually get everything done that I’d like to do before company comes, so I’ve learned how to prioritize and hit the most important things first. If I have enough warning, sometimes I can get some of those long overdue household projects done as well.

But no matter how much I do, it seems there is always something I miss. Recently a friend of my son and daughter-in-law’s was in town visiting them, and I invited them all over for dinner one night. I was rejoicing in getting just about everything done that I wanted to before she came. Dinner was not quite ready when they got here (because I decided I needed to vacuum my room before I started dinner, even though it was unlikely she would go in there. It had been needing it anyway and it was a relief of mind to get it done). They offered to help and set the table, but dinner was just a matter of waiting on things to cook through. While they waited, our guest played some different hymns on the piano. It rejoiced my heart to hear the piano in there again: no one had played in months since we let Jesse drop out of lessons this year. We enjoyed a nice time of fellowship later with dinner.

The next day, I was picking up some things in the living room when I noticed some scattered debris on the piano next to the keys. “What in the world…?” I thought. I had just dusted it the day before. As I drew closer to inspect it, I saw it was needles from the fir Christmas tree. From last December. On my piano in May. We had had the cover over the piano keys closed for so long, I didn’t even think to open it to dust under there. And there it was for our guest to discover!

That reminded me of another time in early married years when we wanted to have the youth group over after church one Sunday night. We had furiously cleaned the day before until everything was gleaming. As the young people came in and then started singing, my eyes strayed behind them to the bookcase, on top of which was the can of dusting spray, on top of which was the dustrag, which happened to be an old pair of my husband’s underwear with the distinctive waistband showing. I was mortified, but I couldn’t do anything about it: if I went toward it to remove it, all eyes would see and notice it then. So I just left it and hoped no one saw it. If they did, they were too polite to say so. I couldn’t do anything but laugh about it afterward, since there was no way to correct it.

I’ve had what sometimes seems like more than my share of laughable, imperfect cooking experiences from disastrous cakes to green gravy to volcanic teriyaki.

I was reading a book on hospitality once where the author wrote about a time when she had a bit of time to relax, so she sat on the sofa and read the newspaper. Then someone came to the door, and when she answered it she saw it was an acquaintance who had dropped by unexpectedly. The author was embarrassed that things weren’t “picked up,” but invited her guest in anyway. When the guest saw the scattered newspapers, she smiled and said something like, “Now we can be friends.” When people are “perfect,” we can’t quite relate to them and they can even seem unapproachable. But when we see they have the same struggles we do, then they are more genuine to us and we can interact with them more comfortably.

Years ago when I first joined the TMIC, I wanted to be a good testimony there. It’s frowned upon to use such a forum as a “bully pulpit,” and I didn’t want to do that, anyway. But I did want to honestly relate how God helped me and I wanted to be a light for Him there. Because of that, I tried to keep my posts upbeat and hopeful. Some months later another Christian lady joined, and I was blessed by how honest she was about her struggles. She wasn’t morose or complaining, but she shared her everyday struggles as well as her faith. I e-mailed her privately about how refreshing her posts were, and she wrote back that it wouldn’t pay to hide her struggles. By sharing that she struggled with the same things everyone else did, she was more genuine and had more of an open door.

In the chapter “Women of Like Passions” from her book Keep a Quiet Heart, Elisabeth Elliot wrote of a woman at a conference who had asked to speak to her, but was hesitant to “bother” her and was a little afraid of her. Elisabeth agreed to speak with her and tried to reassure her, and later the leader of the conference told Elisbaeth that the woman had told her, “Oh, it wasn’t bad after all! I walked in–I was shaking. I looked into her eyes, and I knew that she, too, had suffered. Then she gave me this beautiful smile. When I saw that huge space between her front teeth, I said to myself, ‘it’s OK–she’s not perfect!'”

Then in the same chapter she wrote of a time when her daughter, Valerie, was speaking, lost her place in her notes, and after a long, awkward time span of not being able to find it again, did the best she could ad-libbing the rest. She was nearly in tears as she finished, but afterward one person told her it was the best class so far and another thanked her for what she had said that helped her. Later she told her mother, “I couldn’t understand why this had happened. I had prepared faithfully, done the best I could. But then I remembered a prayer I’d prayed that week (Walt told me it was a ridiculous prayer!)–asking the Lord to make those women know that I’m just an ordinary woman like the rest of them and I need His help. I guess this was His answer, don’t you think?”

We need to let go of perfectionism. Who are we trying to fool, anyway? We so want for things to be “just right” when we have company or have an event. And that’s a worthy desire. It shows care for the guests and care for one’s home and surroundings. I’ve been in places where there was no such care, and they were uncomfortable places to be. But we don’t need to beat ourselves up when things aren’t “perfect” even when we’ve done our best. It helps to just laugh at ourselves (with others, if they’re aware), learn from the situation (next time I will lift the piano key cover and dust under there!), and, for serious offenses, go to Jesus for cleansing and restoration. Even though He is perfect, He is approachable because He bore our sin and its punishment so that we could be forgiven. We can never be perfect on our own, but by His grace we can be washed white as snow, pure and spotless.

For verily he took not on him the nature of angels; but he took on him the seed of Abraham. Wherefore in all things it behoved him to be made like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make reconciliation for the sins of the people.  For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour (help, aid) them that are tempted. Hebrews 2:16-18.

For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:15-16.