31 Days With Elisabeth Elliot: How to Do the Job You Don’t Really Want To Do

How-To-Do-the-Job-You

Elisabeth Elliot2

This has helped me many times. There are some things we joy in doing, but a great many of life’s responsibilities are things we wouldn’t do if we didn’t have to and things we might come to resent. We hear a lot about assessing our personality and finding what our spiritual gifts are, but even in a dream job or ministry situation, there are always going to be aspects of it we wish we could avoid. This has helped me to face those with the right attitude – or at least working on it. 🙂

How to Do the Job You Don’t Really Want To Do

Certain aspects of the job the Lord has given me to do are very easy to postpone. I make excuses, find other things that take precedence, and, when I finally get down to business to do it, it is not always with much grace. A new perspective has helped me recently:

The job has been given to me to do.
Therefore it is a gift.
Therefore it is a privilege.
Therefore it is an offering I may make to God.
Therefore it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him.
Therefore it is the route to sanctity.

Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God’s way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness. The discipline of this job is, in fact, the chisel God has chosen to shape me with–into the image of Christ.

Thank you, Lord, for the work You have assigned me. I take it as your gift; I offer it back to you. With your help I will do it gladly, faithfully, and I will trust You to make me holy.

From A Lamp For My Feet

See all the posts in this series here.

VBS Week

Courtesy of gospelgifs.com

Courtesy of gospelgifs.com

Last Sunday night, our church did something I don’t think I have ever seen a church do. With Vacation Bible School coming up, our pastors had several people who work with VBS give testimonies about how they first got involved with it, what they do, how God has used it, etc. It was sweet to hear those with a heart for this ministry talk about it and share their experiences.

I admit that for many years I had become discouraged about VBS, not in our church, but in general. For so many it seemed like an utterly exhausting week of getting as many kids in as possible to make as many decisions as possible and then never seeing the great majority of them again. I wondered if it was even doing more harm than good if a lot of kids were making some kind of spiritual profession without careful counseling. My husband believes that children don’t make deliberately fake professions, and I agree, but I think some can be confused and go through the motions and be pronounced “saved” when they have very little idea of what was involved. I’ve heard adults tell of being led through a prayer without any instruction as children, about singing “Come Into My Heart, Lord Jesus” with other children and a teacher and being told they were now Christians, of following other kids with a teacher into a room where they thought there were going to be snacks, only to be led in prayer to receive Christ. If you ask almost any child in a church setting if they want Jesus to be their Savior, they’re likely to say yes, but they need to know what that means. Of course, we’re to have faith like children, and there are many facets to salvation they won’t understand until they’re more mature, but they do need more than that question.

But I like the emphasis of our VBS leaders of planting and watering seeds, and I appreciate that they take time to talk with each child who says he or she wants to become a Christian to make sure they understand as much as possible.

I especially appreciate it because I was one of those kids. I did not grow up in a Christian family, but my parents were happy for us kids to go to Sunday School and VBS. They did want us to know something about God and basic morality and were glad for some free activities to send restless children to during the long summer. I have only a few specific memories of times at VBS, but I know all those seeds that were planted and then watered later came to fruition when I believed in the Lord Jesus Christ as my own Savior as a teenager. One of my specific memories is that one church used the hymn “Fairest Lord Jesus” every year, at least in its closing ceremony, if not every night (I can’t remember). That hymn has always had a soft spot in my heart since that time, proof that you don’t necessarily need something cute and catchy to minister to children. You mainly just need truth and love.

That was another thing that struck me in the testimonies last Sunday night: the warmth and caring of those who spoke. In fact, I was kind of depressed about it afterward. 🙂 Those who have read here for a while know that I constantly need to battle being too self-absorbed and often pray to be more loving. I pondered this for a long time afterward, and while I do need to let examples like this spur me on to be more like them, I was also reminded that there are different kinds of caring and loving, and God was using me to show love and care in other ways, like keeping in touch with an older couple who can’t come to church due to physical issues.

I also appreciated the testimonies for their example of service to my youngest son, who was with me and hasn’t really gotten involved in an area of ministry yet. It showed him not only the heart of ministry, but that there can be different avenues of it, from the leader and teachers to the helpers and snack people, even to a lady who couldn’t come every night but dropped in to help where needed one evening and came just in time to help with a specific need. He especially commented on the “snack lady’s” testimony, of taking time to talk to and listen to and show love to the kids and finding extra food for those who had come hungry.

I like that there is a church-wide emphasis on VBS in our church. Not everyone can be directly involved. For us, with Jim’s mom in our home and needing full-time care, we’re limited in how much we can do in the evenings. I’m at the age where being out every night of the week would do me in anyway, but even if I wanted to go, I wouldn’t feel right leaving Jim home alone every night to care for his mom after working 10+ hours a day. Not that he couldn’t do it, but it is more helpful if both of us do it, and it can be depressing to do so alone for long periods. Also, I’ve written before about finally realizing, after several years of working in children’s ministries, mainly when my own were young, that that wasn’t my niche, and the way it completely changed my perspective of ministry. But I was glad for opportunities to donate items and snacks for the week. I didn’t get in on the work days and set-up, but I encourage you to do so in your church, especially if you’re not feeling a part of things at church. Those kinds of activities are where you really get to know people and develop relationships.

But one thing we can all do is pray. If you attend a Bible-preaching church that has VBS, pray for grace and help and strength for the workers. Pray for wisdom and love as they deal with children. Pray for open hearts and understanding on the part of the children. Pray that “that the word of the Lord may have free course, and be glorified” (2 Thessalonians 3:1). Pray that things would go smoothly, that the children would listen, that there would be little misbehavior and distractions so that message can get through. Pray for health (the lady in charge of food for our VBS went into the hospital this weekend. 😦 ) Pray that God’s will be done in every heart.

Adventures in Elder Care

Eldercare

Seven years ago my husband and I moved his mother 2,000 miles to be near us when she couldn’t live on her own any more. She lived in three separate assisted living facilities, a nursing home, and then came home to live with us about 2 years ago. In the posts below I detail some of that journey and pass along tips and truths that have helped us during this time. I hope you will find something to help you in your journey as well.

Helping Parents As They Age.

12 Things You Should Know About Caring for the Elderly.

Decisions.

Assisted Living and Nursing Homes.

The Introvert in Assisted Living (Ideas for one on one activities)

Caring For a Parent at Home.

Dealing With Caregiver Resentment.

A few more thoughts about caregiver resentment.

A Plea to Caregivers

Ministering To the Elderly and Their Caregivers.

It’s Not for Nothing.

Am I Doing Any Good?

But That’s Not My Spiritual Gift!

Remembering the Loved One Who Has Forgotten You

Bible Verses For Caregivers

Save

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Book Review: Gentle Savage Still Seeking the End of the Spear: The Autobiography of a Killer and the Oral History of the Waorani

Gentle SavageMenkaye was one of several Waorani (then known as Auca) men responsible for spearing to death Jim Elliot, Nate Saint, Roger Youderian, Pete Fleming, and Ed McCully, five missionaries who had come to try to reach them with the gospel, in what was known as Operation Auca. Gentle Savage Still Seeking the End of the Spear: The Autobiography of a Killer and the Oral History of the Waorani by Menkaye Aenkaedi with Kemo and Dyowe is Menkaye’s effort to tell his story in his own words – at least, as close to his own words as possible. He cannot write, so he shared his story verbally with someone who spoke his language as well as Spanish, and then it was translated from Spanish to English.

Menkaye begins with what could be called “the Moipa years.” Moipa was a highly skilled Waorani hunter who, out of fear of reprisals for the people he had killed, began killing almost everyone who crossed him or who might someday: men, women, children (who might grow up to take revenge), grandparents, anyone. The people lived in constant fear of him, and many attempts on his life did not succeed. When he finally did die, killing at the slightest provocation, for any real, perceived, or potential threat or wrong had become a way of life. That included any outsiders. Their encounters with non-Waorani had not gone well, and what could they want anyway except to encroach on their territory or to steal from them or hurt them? Better to kill them off before they struck first, they reasoned.

The missionaries had known that the Waorani, or Aucas, as they knew them, were violent, but they had learned some Waorani words from Dayuma, a woman who had escaped the tribe some years before, had flown Nate Saint’s plane over them a number of times, shouting out Auca/Waorani phrases, had dropped gifts to them and received some in return, so they thought the people were receptive to meeting them. They set up camp in their territory, and a man and two women  from the tribe came to visit them, the man even going up for a ride. Everything seemed to be going well. But then a group of Waorani came at them and speared them and tore the fabric off the plane.

Years later, when Elisabeth Elliot had come to know them and asked them why they had speared the men, they replied, “For no purpose.” In Olive Fleming Liefeld’s book, Unfolding Destinies, when she went back to visit and asked the same question, they told her they had not understood the photos the men had shown them. They thought the photos of Dayuma meant that she had died, supposedly at the men’s hands. Later still, Steve Saint related in End of the Spear that when he went back to live and work with the Waorani for a time, he was told there was a disagreement between them about one’s man’s wanting to marry one of the women. Some who were involved got angry, and to divert their turning on each other, someone turned their attention to the missionaries, starting a raid. Menkaye relates that all of these are true. One of the men involved in the argument they were having about marriage began to say that the photos meant that the men were cannibals, and they should spear them before the men killed and ate them.

This event that shook the world is given relatively few pages in Menkaye’s book. With all the people they had killed, these men were just a blip on their radar, another threat averted. But some time later, Dayuma came back to the tribe and told them they had made God angry and they needed to stop killing. Amazingly, they were willing to lay down their spears and hear more. Rachel Saint (Nate’s sister) and Elisabeth and Valerie Elliot (Jim’s wife and young daughter) were invited to come and teach them. Though I had read in Through Gates of Splendor and other books that over time several of the Waorani had come to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ as their Savior, it was touching and beautiful to hear this experience described in more detail by Menkaye and to hear him, Kemo, and Dyowe tell of the joy and freedom in their hearts. Dyowe told Rachel:

I want you to know…that I was one of the men…who killed your brother Nathanael when he was on the beach with the others. I know that God wants to forgive me. But I want to tell you too to forgive me for the things that I have done. I didn’t understand anything back then, and I didn’t know who they were. But I will say that I truly know God has forgiven me today. I want to give myself to Him. It was not only your brother who died. Many, many people died besides him at the point of my spear. But today is the last of my own spear for me. I have found a new spear to pierce the hearts of many people (p. 231).

Almost immediately they became concerned for other branches of the tribe that had broken off to live in new areas, and they tried to reach them with the gospel. Some were martyred in the attempt, and most of these other branches are still not believers, thus the second part of Menkaye’s rather bulky title about still seeking the end of the spear. In fact, one of the end notes relates that while the book was in progress, another raid had taken place against oil company employees.

The next part of Menkaye’s book tells of changes that have taken place in the Waoranis, and the last few chapters, some of the most valuable for anyone seeking to work with tribal people, are his vision for his people. He and other Waorani are not opposed to progress and to changes. They see them as inevitable. Menkaye’s own son attended aviation school in Michigan in the US. They don’t want their young people to lose their Waorani skills and heritage completely, though, and they want any future work within the tribe to be handled differently than it has been. In the past, people were sent in who pretty much took over instead of coming under the tribal leadership – even Rachel and Dayuma. Rachel wanted to set Dayuma in charge, but either Dayuma wasn’t quite cut out for it or the authority went to her head or she backslid or something – Menkaye details a number of problems with her leadership. To be generous, this was something Rachel and Dayuma had not been trained for, and mistakes were made. Menkaye and the others are not bitter and they appreciated everything done for them, especially helping them to understand the gospel, but they did want to point out some of the issues and correct them.

The ones who should be choosing the leaders are the Waorani themselves, based upon what we ourselves see in those candidates, young or old, who have demonstrated maturity from a Biblical perspective, and have carefully studied the Bible in order to know the principles in depth that will be taught and lived out. Never should it be a random choice based on a superficial view of any person., especially someone from the Outside (p. 323).

Reading this makes me appreciate even more the emphasis among missionaries our churches have supported in leading rather than driving the people and in training up leaders from within the people group they are ministering to rather than continuing to bring in leadership from the outside.

I’m sure another difficulty in working with tribal people is how to navigate changes. One doesn’t want to unduly influence their culture, but one doesn’t want to hold them back, either. That is all I can figure was going on when the people began to ask Rachel for clothes and boots, and she said they had done fine without them before and didn’t need them now, according to Menkaye. But they had always lived and worked in the jungle before, where it was shady, and Rachel had them out in the open under the hot sun clearing space for an airstrip and didn’t seem to understand they wanted protection from the sun beating on their backs. I think either she was trying not to change them in that way, or she was trying to squelch their looking for handouts, but evidently this is one area where she and Elisabeth disagreed: Elisabeth thought they should have clothes and arranged for them. (They kept wearing clothes but had mixed emotions about shoes. They found that boots protected them from “thorns, ants, and vipers,” but the weight of them felt odd to them, and “when we were climbing the steep mountain ridges, they made us slip in the mud and slide downward” [p. 227].)

I’ve mentioned before in other missionary book reviews (particularly here) that some people think of these primitive tribal communities as simple people frolicking in the sun who shouldn’t be disturbed by missionaries and businesses. Dr. Jim Yost says in the forward, “The tendency to idealize or romanticize ‘primitive’ culture falls to crushing blows here as the reality of life in the upper Amazon rainforest plays out in gruesome details often too explicit or vivid for the cushioned Western mind.” (p. v). How many of us would have wanted our culture to remain as it was hundreds of years ago just to preserve it? Progress has its problems but also its opportunities.

Menkaye and other Waorani are willing to embrace these opportunities while still maintaining the Waorani culture and autonomy. He has great ideas for them to integrate with the “World of the City,” to help his people explore endeavors in which they can make their own money, and to help their young people have the best opportunities for a changing future.

I do not intend to offend the churches of The Outside World who perceive their role as one of coming in to show us how to do things, but in reality, we can learn equally from each other. Is that not true? Do we not have many things to teach each other and to learn from each other? (p. 329).

If you bring us a new idea, we will welcome that, too. But we will always weigh and balance the influences and outcomes of every new component, and determine together what projects are useful and valuable, and which ones may be harmful in some way (p. 338).

The Waorani are storytellers, but their way of sharing stories is different from ours. There is much more detail than I would personally care to know about some issues, much less than I wanted to know about others, and the stories are laid out differently than we would be used to. There is an appendix of Waorani myths and legends at the end: some seem odd, some are gruesome. But then, they would probably think the same way about our fairly tales and Mother Goose rhymes.

I think this book is incredibly valuable to anyone interested in the heritage of the ministries of the Saints, Elliots, and others who initiated “Operation Auca,” and to anyone with an interest in missions, particularly in ministry to tribal peoples. I hope Menkaye lives a long time to carry out his vision and that others take it up as well.

(This review will also be linked to Semicolon‘s Saturday Review of Books.)

God’s Messengers

I’ve been going through some old posts lately and came across this, from when I used to host “The Week in Words.” It was originally posted August 9, 2010, and it convicted me again today:

From the Elisabeth Elliot e-mail devotionals, this taken from her book A Lamp For My Feet:

How can this person who so annoys or offends me be God’s messenger? Is God so unkind as to send that sort across my path? Insofar as his treatment of me requires more kindness than I can find in my own heart, demands love of a quality I do not possess, asks of me patience which only the Spirit of God can produce in me, he is God’s messenger. God sends him in order that he may send me running to God for help.

Sometimes the very circumstance in our lives that we’re chafing against is the one God is using to work something necessary into our hearts and characters that we would not learn or develop any other way.

That goes along with something I read at Washing the Feet of the Saints:

In a recent conversation with a delightful young friend, we considered what it means to die to self, particularly in the ordinary tasks of every day life, and to live sacrificially in our home and community to the glory of Christ.

The “dying” this young lady referenced was a simple household chore that had nothing to do with family/elderly caregiving, but it’s application was obvious. My friend lamented that it should be easier to put her desires and contentment aside for the benefit of other. “But then it wouldn’t be dying,” I countered.

A few more thoughts on caregiver resentment

EldercareSeveral thoughts coalesced this morning to a realization. I wrote last week about caregiver resentment, and I may go back and add this in at some point.

We can get resentful or “weary in well doing” in just about any endeavor. But I think in most of them, you have every expectation of seeing improvement or completion. If you’re building something or involved in a big project, you know at some point it will be done. Some of the frustrations are easier to bear because you can see progress and look forward to the end results. With the frustrations and limitations of raising children, you also continually see them learn and grow and gradually get more independent and able to do some things on their own. Plus they’re cute, and there are moments of fun and joy along the way.

But with an elderly loved one who is declining, it’s not going to get better. It will likely get worse. And the only way it all ends is when that person dies (or goes to a nursing home, which we feel would only hasten my mother-in-law’s death. She was so low when she was there that we felt we were bringing her home to die – and that was almost two years ago). So wishing to be relieved or for it all to be over seems akin to wishing for that person’s death, which adds guilt to the mix.We backtrack and think, “No, no, no, I didn’t mean that.” We just wish it could be different. But it’s not going to be.

Some caregivers battle depression more than resentment, or maybe both. Besides all that is involved in caring for an elderly person, there is the sadness of seeing them lose mental or physical abilities one by one.

There are times I wonder at God’s ways. Last year we lost our pastor to a short battle with cancer and a young mom of two children to a very sudden and unexpected reaction to a medication. He was in his early fifties, two daughters had just gotten married, he was known for uniquely caring for everyone whose life he touched. He would have been a wonderful grandfather. The young mom left behind a grieving husband, children, and friends. Why are people like that taken “early,” as it seems to us, when they still have so much vitality and usefulness ahead of them, and other people experience a slow decline for years, some vacant and unresponsive in nursing homes, others no longer recognizable due to the alterations of Alzheimer’s?

I don’t know. But I do trust that God has His reasons. He’s doing something in the lives of all the people connected with each individual.

All we can do is continually apply God’s truth to our situations, as I mentioned previously, and depend on His grace day by day.

Something else that helps me a bit sometimes is when I think of my mother-in-law’s situation as analogous to how God sees me: helpless, completely dependent, messy and unable to do anything about it. Yet He loves me. He doesn’t resent cleansing and caring for me. He knows how thoroughly I need Him even more than I do. Seeing my own helplessness and basking in His love and care for me helps love for others to well up in my own heart.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
 John 13:34.

Dealing With Caregiver Resentment

I’ve never tried to portray myself as anywhere near perfect or as having it all together, but one fault that seems abominable and embarrassing to have to admit is that sometimes I resent having my mother-in-law here and caring for her. I mentioned some of the disadvantages of caring for a parent at home about seven paragraphs down here.

I Googled caregiver resentment and came up with some practical, helpful tips, but nothing really for the deeper issues. One post even advised just accepting it as part of the whole package. While I can accept that resentment might naturally arise, I can’t accept that as normal and okay: it’s miserable to live with, but even worse, as a Christian, it’s an evidence of my own selfishness. So then I Googled something along the lines of overcoming resentment as a Christian and looked at several of the articles that came up, but most of them dealt with resentment against someone who has done you wrong and the need to forgive.

So I decided to write down some of the things that help me during those times both so it’s here for me to refer back to when needed and so hopefully it might be a help to someone else. And I am calling it “dealing with” rather than “overcoming” caregiver resentment because, although I’d like to have a conversation like this just once and have that take care of my attitude forever, I’ve found I have to go over these things periodically. I guess that is part of living with a sinful nature and needing to renew one’s mind.

So here are ways to deal with resentment, beginning with the practical and moving on toward the spiritual:

1. Take care of your own health, including getting enough sleep. Everything seems worse if you’re sleep-deprived or dragging because you’re not eating right.

2. Talk to someone. My husband and I feel free to talk honestly with each other, and he’s not offended that I do get frustrated with the situation sometimes. I know I have an open door to talk with him about it whenever needed.

3. Get away from the situation sometimes. I am thankful we do have a caregiver here in the mornings so I can run errands or take care of other things, and occasionally we’ll have someone come in for an evening or stay longer on a Saturday so we can have an outing.

4. Remember what brought you to this place. As we trace our history with my mother-in-law’s care, we come again to the same conclusion, that this is the best situation for her at this stage. There may come a time when one or both of us become unable to care for her or her needs become greater than what we can manage at home, but for now, this is best.

5. Remember that caring for a loved one at home used to be the norm before assisted living facilities and nursing homes became widespread, and it still is in some countries.

6. Remember her care of you or your husband for so many years, and look at this as an opportunity to repay her love and care.

7. Remember it could be worse. My mother-in-law is not hard to get along with at all. Some of the residents we encountered in assisted living or the nursing home perhaps made us appreciate that fact even more.

8. Take it a day at a time, or a moment at a time. If we think, “How many years will I have to do this?” we can feel defeated and depressed. All we have to do is deal with this moment, this day, and trust God’s grace will be sufficient for all the days ahead.

9. Think how you would want to be regarded and treated if you were in the same situation.

10. Accept it as God’s will. Maybe you didn’t have time to sort through options, as we did, to come to the conclusion to bring an elderly parent home, or maybe there are extenuating circumstances that compound the resentment you feel. Maybe you don’t have a parent at home, but you’re the only sibling in town to visit them or oversee their care in a facility. Maybe it is even time to do something different. But for this moment right now, this is God’s will for you, and if you surrender it to Him, He will provide the grace to deal with it. “In acceptance lieth peace,” a poem by Amy Carmichael attests.

11. Pray. Sometimes just before going into my mother-in-law’s room to change her, I pray that I might be “Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness,” part of Paul’s prayer in Colossians 1:9-13. Or, as the ESV puts it, “May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy.” That encompasses so much: that I need His strength, longsuffering, and patience, that He has the “glorious power” to give it, and that He can help me to go beyond just acting out of duty, but He can enable me to serve with joy. I also frequently pray that He will help me have a more loving, unselfish heart.

12. Remember the Christian life is one of service, not self-focus. Claudia Barba said in The Monday Morning Club, “The Christlike life has nothing at all to do with satisfying, coddling, or promoting self, but everything to do with being poured out for others” (p. 55). You see it in the life of Christ and Paul and others in the Bible both in instruction and in example. That doesn’t mean we’re doormats or martyrs or that we can never we can never do anything just for fun. But our primary purpose is serving Him by serving others. Some verses that help in this regard are:

Now we exhort you, brethren…comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all. (I Thessalonians 5:14).

Whosoever shall give to drink unto one of these little ones a cup of cold water only in the name of a disciple, verily I say unto you, he shall in no wise lose his reward (Matthew. 10:42).

To do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased (Hebrews. 13:16).

God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love, which ye have shewed toward his name, in that ye have ministered to the saints, and do minister (Hebrews. 6:10).

So after [Jesus] had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you? Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you (John 13:12-15).

With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men (Ephesians 6:7).

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. (Galatians 6:9)

For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in; naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me (Matthew 25:35-36, 40).

13. Accept this as my primary ministry. This is one area I struggle with the most. As the nest starts emptying, though we miss our kids intensely, we begin to look to other things that have been put on the back burner for a while: maybe now we can write that book, get that degree, travel, sew up all that fabric or complete all those projects. But now we’re tied down again. Or maybe some have had to step back from other ministries at church in order to care for a parent. We need to remind ourselves that this is not a hindrance to our ministry: it is our ministry. Even limitations set the parameters of our ministry. Elisabeth Elliot has said:

This job has been given to me to do. Therefore, it is a gift. Therefore, it is a privilege. Therefore, it is an offering I may make to God. Therefore, it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God’s way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness.

I don’t mean to reduce caring for a parent to a “job,” but I believe we can substitute “ministry” for “job” there.

I hope some of these are helpful for any reader facing any kind of resentment in your situation, and I’d be happy to hear any other thoughts or tips you might have.

EldercareSharing at Thought-Provoking Thursday. and Works For Me Wednesday.

Book Review: The Monday Morning Club

Claudia Barba is one author I know in person. I first knew her sister when we were classmates in college. Her dad was one of my teachers there. I met her mother as well through activities with her sister. Claudia and her husband and son came to our church for a week once when her husband was the keynote speaker for a conference, but I am sorry to say I did not introduce myself to her or get to know her at that time. Some years later her sister, now a pastor’s wife in a neighboring city, invited the ladies of our church to a weekend ladies’ conference where Claudia was the speaker. A few of us went…and I was greatly blessed by her speaking. Her strawberry story (which I am glad to see is in her book) especially convicted and touched me.

Claudia’s husband was a pastor at first, then traveled with his family in evangelism for a few years. Then he and his wife began Press On Ministries, in which they travel to spend a few months at a time helping a church planter get a new church off the ground and stable, and then they travel to another new church plant and do the same. One year our ladies’ group was looking for a speaker for our ladies’ luncheon, and Claudia and her husband were working near enough that I thought it might be a possibility that she could speak for us. A few e-mails and it was all arranged, and Claudia’s message was again a blessing.

Now we live in TN, and the Barba’s home base is close enough that they pop into our church every now and then between ministries. At their last visit, Claudia asked me if I had her new book, and when I said I didn’t, she took my address and sent me a copy – for free, with no expectation or request for a review, but rather just to be nice. 🙂

MMCThat book, The Monday Morning Club: You’re Not Alone — Encouragement For Women in Ministry, began with Claudia and her mother and sisters, who were all married to men in the ministry. They would e-mail each other on Monday mornings when they needed a friend to talk to, someone to “share my joys without jealousy and hear my frustrations without judgement” “whether Sundays were thrilling or discouraging.” (p. xiii). Then another friend asked to be included, and eventually it grew into an e-mail list to women all over the world. This book is a compilation of some of these Monday morning thoughts and devotions. Though many of them are aimed at ministry wives in particular, the bulk of them would be applicable to any Christian women. Even those that are specific to pastor’s wives are helpful for the rest of us to read because they give us a window into some of the trials, temptations, thoughts, and feelings a pastor’s wife might wrestle with, and give us a better idea how to pray for and encourage our own.

There are 94 in all, each covering only one to three pages. They could be read one or two at a time straight through, or dipped into at random, or there is a topical index where you can look up columns by need, such as “When you’re discontent,” or “When you’re lonely,” etc.

I love Claudia’s way of writing and speaking. It’s simple, but deep; sweet, but clear. She advises with wisdom and grace. Often she goes straight to my heart.

Here are a few samples:

When a friend thought that “marrying a pastor morphed an ordinary woman into a super saint”: I’m sure in her own mind she was honoring me by placing me on a pedestal. That is, after all, where we place statues of people we admire. But it’s not a comfortable place for a plain old human to live. It’s lonely on a pedestal. Other people think you are looking down on them. There are pigeons. And if you stumble even once, you’ll fall off (p. 5).

The Christlike life has nothing at all to do with satisfying, coddling, or promoting self, but everything to do with being poured out for others (p. 55).

When discussing her husband’s tendency to “jump off cliffs” spiritually in “great leaps of faith” and her own tendency toward security: “The fences I thought meant security were the walls of a prison instead…A fearful spirit is never from the Lord (2 Timothy 1:7). It’s the prison, not the cliff, that’s the scary place. It’s awful to realize that my female anxieties can hinder God’s working through my husband. When His divine leading is clear to my human leader, it’s time for me to stop digging in my heels and join him in bold strides of faith, not because my husband is flawless, but because it’s God’s work we are doing, and He’s the One Who keeps us safe” (p. 123).

Stability is not innate or effortless for most of us female-type humans. Only in Christ is “no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” He is the solid, immutable Rock of Ages, and He can keep you stable. When your earth quakes, anchor your thoughts to His unchanging promises. When storms roll in, hide in His shadow. When you’re too tired to handle the demands of the day, let Him be the Rock of your strength. When your heart is unsatisfied, let the sweet water flowing from the Rock quench your thirst. Whenever any scary or upsetting thing happens, just run straight to the Rock (p. 153).

Sometimes all that’s needed to heal a wounded soul and lift a sagging spirit is one loving listener, for at its core, listening is love–love that sacrifices its need to be heard in favor of hearing, a desire to lecture in favor of learning, an opportunity to show off in favor of showing compassion. Instead of always leading the way, a patient listener, just by nodding in all the right places, can help a wanderer discover the right path on her own (p. 170).

You can read more samples of Claudia’s writing here in their web site. One of my all-time favorites, “His Dear Wife,” is not in the book but a copy is here. I previously reviewed her Bible study When Christ Was Here.

There is a Kindle version of The Monday Morning Club here. I hope you’ll give it a try. I think it will truly challenge, encourage, and bless you.

New lyrics to “So Send I You”

When I was a teenager, the hymn “So Send I You” was sung sometimes when a missionary was there to speak at a service or, more often, at a service when the emphasis was a call to “full-time” Christian ministry. I didn’t think the lyrics  were depressing at the time: they just seemed like a serious and sober look at a calling that would probably be hard. But they do seem to emphasis the hardships and neglect the joys:

So send I you to labor unrewarded,
To serve unpaid, unloved, unsought, unknown,
To bear rebuke, to suffer scorn and scoffing-
So send I you to toil for Me alone.

So send I you to bind the bruised and broken,
O’er wand’ring souls to work, to weep, to wake,
To bear the burdens of a world aweary-
So send I you to suffer for My sake.

So send I you to loneliness and longing,
With heart ahung’ring for the loved and known,
Forsaking home and kindred, friend and dear one-
So send I you to know My love alone.

So send I you to leave your life’s ambition,
To die to dear desire, self-will resign,
To labor long, and love where men revile you-
So send I you to lose your life in Mine.

So send I you to hearts made hard by hatred,
To eyes made blind because they will not see,
To spend, tho’ it be blood, to spend and spare not-
So send I you to taste of Calvary.

As the Father hath sent Me, so send I you.

Evidently the author, Margaret Clarkson, eventually recognized the lack of balance in the hymn and penned new lyrics later in her life.

She was born into an unhappy home, was bed-bound with juvenile arthritis when she was three, and suffered migraines and vomiting. Pain was a constant companion, but she was able to attend school and become a teacher. She couldn’t find a position until she accepted one at an isolated mining camp, where general loneliness was a factor, but spiritual loneliness especially overshadowed her as she said she had no real Christian fellowship for about seven years. “So Send I You” was written at this time, colored by her loneliness and pain, and probably pretty accurate for her circumstances at the time.

Some years later, though still battling pain, she found other teaching positions and began having her writing published. She came to believe “So Send I You” was one-sided, and wrote new lyrics that she felt were more biblically balanced between the trials and joys of the Christian life under-girded by God’s grace:

So send I you-by grace made strong to triumph
O’er hosts of hell, o’er darkness, death, and sin,
My name to bear, and in that name to conquer-
So send I you, my victory to win.

So send I you-to take to souls in bondage
The word of truth that sets the captive free,
To break the bonds of sin, to loose death’s fetters-
So send I you, to bring the lost to me.

So send I you-my strength to know in weakness,
My joy in grief, my perfect peace in pain,
To prove My power, My grace, My promised presence-
So send I you, eternal fruit to gain.

So send I you-to bear My cross with patience,
And then one day with joy to lay it down,
To hear My voice, “well done, My faithful servant-
Come, share My throne, My kingdom, and My crown!”

“As the Father hath sent Me, so send I you.”

It does make a difference where our focus is.

A longer biography of Margaret is here.

I found a simple but nice rendition of the new lyrics here (I’m not familiar with the singer):

I had wanted to include this in the 31 Days of Missionary Stories, but ran out of days. 🙂 I hope it’s a blessing to you.

31 Days of Missionary Stories: Pedestals?

We’ve come to the 31st post of this 31 day series (I started a day late, thus ending Nov. 1), and I am feeling a little like the writer of Hebrews in chapter 11, verse 32:  “And what shall I more say? for the time would fail me to tell of” David Brainerd, David Livingstone, Ida Scudder, William Borden. Henry Martyn, Ann Judson, Margaret Paton, and many more. Maybe from time to time I’ll post some of their stories, although I am sure you could find some information about them online.

I’ve tried to bring a variety in this series of “classic” missionary stories and newer ones, some from the jungle, some from the city, etc. I suppose if I had thought and planned for this enough ahead of time, I could have done them in chronological order. As it was I just went from day to day with whichever one was on my heart.

mission_biosI wanted to leave you with a list of missionary biographies I have enjoyed. Some are older and out of print, but I have had great success buying used books for just a few dollars via Amazon.com (this isn’t a commercial for them – I am not in their affiliate program, though I should probably check into it, as much as I link to them!) Any links in this list are to previous posts here on this blog.

Before I get to that list, I wanted to leave you with a quote of Elisabeth Elliot in A Lamp for My Feet:

Pedestals

A student asked me whether I thought it was a problem that we tend to place missionaries on pedestals. My answer was that indeed we do, but servants of the Lord ought to be models of the truth they proclaim. Paul was bold enough to say, “Be followers of me” (l Cor 4:16).

At the same time let us always remember that the “excellency of the power” (2 Cor 4:7 AV) is never ours but God’s. It is foolish to imagine that the missionary, or whoever the hero is, is sinless. God uses sinners–there is no one else to use.

Pedestals are for statues. Usually statues commemorate people who have done something admirable. Is the deed worth imitating? Does it draw me out of myself, set my sights higher? Let me remember the Source of all strength (“The Lord is the strength of my life,” says Ps 27:1 AV) and, cheered by the image of a human being in whom that strength was shown, follow his example.

Admittedly some of the older missionary books make missionaries look a little more saintly and unflawed. I think perhaps the authors didn’t want to gossip, or perhaps they assumed everyone knew everyone else had flaws without having to lay them out for everyone to see. Perhaps because “love covers over a multitude of sins” (I Peter 4:8), they didn’t feel at liberty to divulge those of their subject (I’ve found many an autobiography to be much more frank about the author’s failings.) But I do understand it does help us to relate better to someone when they seem more real to us, as flawed as we are, and even the Bible tells us how people failed as well as how they followed the Lord. I’ve known some people who didn’t like to read missionary biographies because they thought they were too perfect: just understand that they’re not, they would never claim to be, and be inspired by the rest of their story.

Another thing to keep in mind when you read biographies is that you might come across things you disagree with: for instance, there was a time when most missionaries, especially in more remote fields, would send their children to boarding school at a certain age because there were no other schools available. With the advent of an abundance of home schooling materials and a change in mindset over the years, most would find that unthinkable now. I wouldn’t try to justify, condemn, or defend the practice: just understand that that was the way it was then. Probably some of the very problems and sorrows inherent in that practice led to the changes we have today. Similarly, a lot of older missionaries, especially in primitive areas, would hire servants. This wasn’t so they could live a class above the people they were ministering to: it was just simply to help the missionaries with the everyday tasks that in that time and culture could literally take up all of their time, especially as, being new to the field, they might not know how to do some of the things. Hiring some helpers freed them to minister more. Also, in that way they could help a new convert whose family might have turned against them. In addition, you might find some language we would not regard as “politically correct” these days, but we can’t expect them to have the sensibilities and sensitivities that have developed over hundred of years.

Some years ago when I read 50 People Every Christian Should Know by Warren Wiersbe, I was struck by the fact that the 50 he mentioned, though they agreed on the core, fundamental doctrines, like the inspiration of the Bible, the Deity of Christ, the way of salvation being by grace through faith in Him, etc., they were on either side of a multitude of fences on other issues, yet God used each of them. That doesn’t mean those issues aren’t important: each of us is responsible to study them out before the Lord. But people can differ on some side issues and still be friends and love God and be greatly used by Him.

On the other hand, we can get too enthralled and feel we need to do everything just like they did. When I started reading biographies as a young Christian, I would read how one person had their devotions, think that was a great idea, and then do the same — until I read the next book and saw how someone else did it differently. 🙂 Some of them might have employed some practices that would be good to try, if we feel led, but we don’t need to feel compelled to copy everything they did.

On to the list. I have read all of these (some multiple times) in the last 35 years:

I compiled a list of missionary books for children here.

I know I have also read biographies of William Borden, David Livingston, David Brainerd, and Ida Scudder, but that was before the days that I wrote these things down and I can’t remember which books I read about them. And there are probably some I am forgetting. But there are some wonderful, inspiring, challenging stories there, and I hope you can find and read some of them.

I’ve enjoyed much this 31 day series, but if I do it again I think I’ll do 31 one-liners or quotes or something a little shorter. 🙂 Thankfully some of these were written years earlier for a ladies’ church newsletter and only needed a little tweaking, and some had appeared on the blog before, but some were new or were woven together from a couple of other posts. It has been so good, though, to go back over these stories of how people walked with God and how He met with them and ministered through them. I hope you’ve enjoyed the series as well.

(You can see a list of other posts in the 31 Days of Missionary Stories here.)

(This will also be linked to Semicolon‘s Saturday Review of Books.)