How Can a Wife Help Her Husband?

Posted on October 19, 2025 by Barbara Harper

We depend on our husbands for a lot of things: his work to provide for the family, his leadership, his companionship. He listens, encourages, supports. In many households, the husband takes care of car and home repairs. In some, he does the landscaping and lawn-mowing. And sometimes he helps with groceries, errand-running, laundry, housework, and even our projects.

It’s easy to depend on a husband’s help in myriad ways. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Ephesians 5:25 instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and Jesus certainly helps us.

But sometimes I’m reminded of Genesis 2:18, where God said He made woman a helper fit for or suitable for the man. And I wonder, am I being a help to my husband? And how do I do that?

I’m not much help with working on car or house repairs, except maybe for holding a flashlight or handing a tool. We prioritized my being home, first with the children, then to care for his mother, for most of our marriage, so my financial contribution was more on managing what we had well. Plus, I didn’t have the skill set to provide for us as he did.

I think a wife’s help to her husband will vary from marriage to marriage. 1 Peter 3:7 says husbands are to dwell with their wives “according to knowledge” or “in an understanding way,” depending on the translation. That’s also true of wives in regard to their husbands. We need to understand our own husbands and what he would consider helpful. I knew one woman who had been told that a good wife keeps a spotless home. But then she learned that her husband didn’t really care if the home was super-clean. He’d rather she spent more time with him than cleaning.

However, there are some ways we can each be a suitable helper.

Love him. Once a Sunday School teacher of a women’s class I was in came to Titus 2:3-4, which tells older women to teach the younger a number of things, including loving their husbands. The teacher said, “I think that just comes naturally, don’t you?” Then she went on to the next verse. If it came naturally, I don’t think we’d need to be taught it. The love that starts marriage is usually not the kind of love that sustains it. One of my teachers defined biblical love as the “self-sacrificial desire to meet the needs of the cherished person.” Our innate selfishness is going to come out, as is his, and we have to work at putting each other first.

Love God. Though we depend on our husband to provide for us, protect us, keep us from loneliness, and so many other things, we come to the place where we realize he can’t be everything to us. God works through our husbands to do those things, yet our ultimate dependence needs to be on God, not our husbands. And we need to lean on the Lord for strength and grace and wisdom to do our part.

Pray for him. Beyond asking God to bless his day, we can pray for wisdom for him at work and home, for God to help him grow and mature in Him. I often like to pray Colossians 1:9-12, as well as other Scriptures, for my loved ones.

Fellowship. The verse about woman being made a helper is in the context of creation. God had made the animals, then man. Adam named all the animals, but found no one like himself. God said it wasn’t good for man to be alone. He made woman as a helper. So it seems one of the first and best ways to help our husbands is to be with them, to listen to them. It’s easy, with so much to do in life, to just pass each other on the way to other tasks and appointments. We need to prioritize time together.

Providing a safe place. We should be the main ones our husbands can share with or vent to without worrying about being put down or having what he told us in confidence shared with others.

Respect. Yes, respect goes both ways. But Ephesians 5:33 tells wives specifically to respect their husbands.

In one book I read some years ago, a poll among Christian men showed that the majority of them valued respect even more than love (1). We should never ridicule, demean, put down, or scold our husbands. If there’s something we’d like him to do differently, we need to express that in a tone like we’d use with a friend or boss or anyone else we respected.

But what if he’s not acting in a way we can respect? It helps me to turn this question around. The same verse that talks about wives respecting husbands says a husband should love his wife as himself. Do we want our husbands to love us only when we deserve it, when we act lovable? No! We want him to show love even when–maybe especially when–we’re not acting so lovable. He loves us not because of how we act, but out of obedience to God. So we should respect him out of obedience to God. Even if we can’t respect everything he does, we can show respect to him as a person and in his position as our husband.

Manage expectations. Our husbands are not going to be perfect. They’re not always going to be spiritual giants. Elisabeth Elliot wrote that we marry a sinner, because there is no one else to marry. She also said that, instead of harping on the 20% or so that we might disagree with, we need to appreciate the 80% we like.

Colossians 3:12-13 was written to the church to practice in everyday life, which surely includes the home: “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

In addition, we need to be realistic about what he does do. Often I hear wives wish their husbands would do more. In our home, my husband worked 40+ hours a week, did the yard work and taxes, paid the bills, took care of home repairs, and did everything involving the vehicles. Should I then expect him to help me with everything I do as well? He was always willing, if he was able, and I did call on him a lot. But I tried to be conscience of what he was already doing and not overload him.

Submit to him. Yes, Ephesians 5:21 says we’re to submit to one another. But verse 22, as well as Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1, Titus 2:4-5, tells wives to submit to their husbands. This doesn’t mean he lords it over her or that she’s a doormat with no opinions of her own. But if we’re constantly pulling against him or his leadership, we’re hurting more than helping.

Be content. It’s not wrong to want to make improvements or to dream of a bigger home or new furniture or nicer clothes. But those things usually have to be managed over time. We need to wait patiently and not constantly complain.

Respect his work. Hollywood has made several movies about workaholic dads who need to learn that their families are more important than the corporate world. But often those stories are unrealistic. I wonder if men who work at home feel even more pressure to put away work to help at home or go to family activities. Providing for his family is the responsibility of a husband and father (that’s not to say wives can’t work, but usually the bulk falls on the husband).

I had to learn this the hard way when my husband’s job started requiring him to travel. I often wailed to the Lord that this wasn’t what I signed up for. But then it seemed my husband had even more road trips. Even when he wasn’t traveling, he usually worked way over forty hours a week. He wasn’t a workaholic, but he had a strong work ethic and felt the responsibility of making sure the job was done rather than clocking out just because it was 5 p.m.

Inspiration came for me in the form of a novel, A Quiet Strength by Janette Oke, about a young woman’s struggles during the first few years of marriage .Though I had been married for years and the main character was a newlywed, her struggles with being left alone so much while her husband worked on the farm and built their home resonated with me. He saw what he was doing as an expression of love and care for her. But all she could see was her loneliness. In novel style, they had a big blowup, then talked things out, then found small ways to connect to offset the time apart. My husband and I didn’t have a blowup, but I needed to seek contentment, maturity, and God’s strength. This all led to a post titled Coping When Your Husband Is Away, which turned out to be one of my most viewed posts. I had no idea so many women had the same struggle.

Encourage his friendships with other men. Though we’re probably our husbands’ main social outlet, we can’t be the only one. The Bible has much to say about our fellowship with other believers. My husband has always encouraged my friendship with other women, but he has sometimes been reluctant to get together with other men outside of work and church since his job took him away from home so much. But he did enjoy work days and men’s prayer breakfasts. Now that he’s retired, he sometimes gets together for coffee or lunch with other men.

Give him some time to himself. It’s not usually wise to hit him at the door with bad news (unless it’s an emergency) or a litany of all the problems that came up that day. Give him some time to decompress or work on his hobbies. This varies from person to person, but an introvert will be much better with others when he has some time alone.

Be trustworthy. Proverbs 31:1-12 says of the excellent wife, “The heart of her husband trusts in her. . . She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Of course we shouldn’t lie or hide things from our husbands. But sometimes we’re tempted to shade the truth if we feel he’s going to disapprove or be disappointed in something we did. It’s better to be open and honest, even if we need to confess something or apologize.

Ask for what you need, don’t nag. When we need some of the help mentioned in the first paragraph or some time alone, we can ask for it in a kind, cooperative, and patient way. We don’t need to demand or needle or fuss. If there’s a conflict, we can graciously seek to work it out.

Ask him. Books and articles about marriage can be helpful, but no two are alike. We each bring different personalities, gifts, and traditions to the relationship. We each adapt to our own spouse. There may be ways we think we’re helping that aren’t so helpful. Or there may be a way to help that we haven’t thought of.

Does this sound exhausting? God will give strength in our weakness and grace to help in time of need.

_____
(1) For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. I read this years ago and don’t remember if I agreed with everything in it. But this point stood out to me.

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

Laudable Linkage

Posted on August 16, 2025 by Barbara Harper

Here are some of the posts that stood out to me this week:

None Too Old to Serve the King, HT to Chalmers Blog. “I love this scene with the feeble follower and the deposed king. What a touching moment for David, and a beautiful invitation to Barzillai. It reminds me that I serve the greater King David, and stirs in me the desire to “appear with him in glory” as he rides across the Jordan (Colossians 3:4). Does it do the same for you? I want us to imitate this elderly saint by meeting the King in the wilderness and serving him until our dying day.”

Reading the Bible for the Ten Thousandth Time. “By instinct we know that first-time readers of the Bible need guidance. But long-time readers need help too. In this article we’ll explore some of the ways to combat boredom and lethargy for experienced Bible readers.”

A Biblical Template for Prayers of Confession from Daniel 9. HT to Knowable Word. “For God’s promises and sure word aren’t a reason for inactivity and passivity. They’re fuel for confident prayer.” Though the author makes a case for corporate confession, these principles are true for private prayer as well.

All Those Things We Never Did, HT to Challies. “There remains a powerful temptation in midlife to nurse and rehearse dreams unfulfilled. The loop snags and captures with: We never did this, we never went here, we never bought this . . . The all those things we never did is a thorny and fruitless path, often culminating in a sour, self-centered existence. For the Christian, all those things we never did may humbly be replaced with: Your kingdom come; your will be done.“

The Picture on the Nightstand, HT to Challies. “When a marriage is strong, it is a fortress. It shields what is fragile. Spouses are safe. Children thrive. Its strength creates overflowing benefit into entire communities. When a spouse breaks the marriage covenant, the impact is brutal. It exploits vulnerability. Spouses bleed. Children bear the weight. And the effects ripple outward.”

Should You Take Your Children to a Funeral? “Whatever the size or venue, here’s a question for parents to consider: should you take your children to a funeral? My answer is a sure yes, and here are several reasons why.”

The Rare Jewel of Contentment in Childlessness. “Paul’s testimony of contentment encouraged Bethany and me to ask God for that kind of contentment in our state of childlessness. Jeremiah Burroughs describes Christian contentment as ‘that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit, which freely submits to and delights in God’s wise and fatherly disposal in every condition.’”

Silent Women, Speaking Women, HT to Challies. This is one of the clearest explanations I’ve seen on the Bible passages about whether and when women are to teach in church.

Beware the New Notebook Energy. “A new planner gives me an avenue to blame my lack of follow-through on a bad system. If I can blame the system, that saves me from the day-in and day-out-ness of life. I call this New Notebook Energy: fleeing actual responsibility and good habits in favor of reorganizing and starting again.”

Ways to See and Support Foster Families. “All of a sudden, we were a part of the foster system, which came with all of the staff, the rules and regulations, the visits with social workers, the paperwork, the doctor’s visits, and so much more. I quickly realized that before this happened, I didn’t understand how much support the foster families in our church probably needed from me but hadn’t been getting. So I thought I would outline a few things that each of us can do to help foster families in our churches.”

Ten minutes’ praying is better than a year’s murmuring. Charles Spurgeon

Laudable Linkage

Posted on February 22, 2025 by Barbara Harper

I’m still behind on my blog reading due to last week’s busyness. But I did find a few thought-provoking reads I wanted to share:

Break Shame’s Chains Through Christ, HT to Challies. “Self-shaming is a defense mechanism rooted in the belief that we’re unlovable to God and others. We voice the harsh words we fear others are thinking—as if beating them to the punch might soften the blow or inspire us to change. Ironically, self-shaming doesn’t protect us; it only perpetuates harmful lies and keeps us in bondage.”

The Spiritual Discipline of Remembrance, HT to Challies. “Over and over, God commands his people to remember how hard, dark, sad, and ugly things were. And then, to celebrate the incredible contrast of his love, goodness, and might that rescued them from adversity of all kinds. The remembrance we’re called to isn’t a ‘focus on the positive’ outlook that skims past the hard and onto the happy ending. In order to truly understand the depths from which we have been saved, we have to admit how deep those depths were.”

Love Is Patient, HT to the Story Warren. “It’s tempting to approach marriage with a renovation mindset—seeing our spouse as a project to be improved upon. We’ve all heard women say things like, ‘It took me years to train him.’ While usually meant to be humorous, such comments reveal a fundamental misunderstanding of God’s work in marriage. Our spouses don’t need to be trained—they need to be encouraged and supported in their sanctification, just as we do. Love is patient.”

Pray for Protection for your Missionaries Today, HT to Challies. A good list of ways in which missionaries need protecting.

Don’t Let Your Fears Hold Back Your Children. “As Christian parents, we want to discern not only what is safe for our children, but also what will strengthen them spiritually. Kids need to have enough freedom to learn reliance on God, and maybe that is where the line gets fuzzy for us at times: what is healthy freedom, and what is reckless?”

The Conundrum of Celebrity Christians, HT to Challies. “We must first proceed with some degree of caution when a celebrity professes faith in Christ. While this principle is true no matter who claims to have recently been converted, it is especially true when dealing with someone who is a high-profile new believer.”

Straining gluten-free and non-alcoholic gnats whilst swallowing camels, HT to Challies. “It is the rankest of hypocrisy to be splitting hairs over whether gluten-free bread and non-alcoholic wine are quite bready and winey enough for us to use in communion, in the face of genuine needs amongst our people, and claim it overturns ‘settled church positions’ when much bigger, gospel-denying positions that overturn not just the formal teaching of the Church of England held throughout its history, but that of all churches since the Apostolic-era, can be adopted.”

The Blender, the Toaster, and the Body of Christ. A nice fable with a good application.

No, I Don’t Want AI to Write for Me, HT to Redeeming Productivity. “But AI writing feels very different from using a calculator to help us multiply things. When a piece of software takes what you have written and completely changes it, you may end up with something that is technically perfect. But you lose yourself—and more importantly your voice—in the process.”

Prayer is the greatest power God has given us.
Use it with great assurance, for it brings us into alignment with His will and purposes.
–Mary Slessor

45 Thoughts on 45 Years of Marriage

Posted on December 15, 2024 by Barbara Harper

Jim and I are celebrating our 45th wedding anniversary in a few days. I’m not an expert at marriage, even at this stage. I don’t say a lot about marriage here for that reason. But I thought I’d share a hodgepodge of lessons learned, advice gleaned, and favorite poems and quotes concerning marriage.

1. I ~~*hate*~~ don’t like the saying “Marriage is designed to make you holy, not happy.” Almost every reference to marriage in the bible presents it as a happy union. Yes, we have to battle our selfishness, and God uses marriage to sanctify us. But happiness and holiness are not mutually exclusive.

2. One of my favorite books about marriage is The Ministry of Marriage by Jim Binney. To be honest, I read it so many years ago, I can’t remember much of the content now. But I like the emphasis in the title.

3. Humor helps. “A man without mirth is like a wagon without springs, in which everyone is caused disagreeably to jolt by every pebble over which it runs” (Henry Ward Beecher). Humor can diffuse tense situations and make life easier.

4. But be careful with humor. Poking fun at each other can hurt, even if the other person laughs. They will likely wonder, “Is that what he really thinks?” Also, if someone is pouring her heart out over something, and the other person makes a joke of it, she’ll feel unheard and not taken seriously. When something crosses from gentle teasing into something hurtful is probably different for each couple.

5. Appreciate the 80%. Elisabeth Elliot once said that a wife may appreciate and agree with 80% of what her husband says and does, yet harp at the 20% she doesn’t like, making them both miserable. I assume the same could be said of the husband regarding his wife. No spouse will be perfect: We need to spend more time appreciating what we have.

6. Marriage is not 50/50. It’s 100/100.

7. Love songs speak of climbing mountains or swimming oceans. Who really does those things for love? It’s easy to say, or sing, because no one expects anyone to actually do them. Real love is shown in the everyday giving oneself for the other.

8. Not the grand gestures. Lisa-Jo Baker shared in The Middle Matters that a teenager quoted in the Huffington Post felt her love life would never be adequate “until someone runs through an airport to stop me from getting on a flight.” The girl probably saw that in a movie somewhere. Her romantic life is going to be difficult if she sets up a test scenario in an airport every time she thinks she’s in love. Everyday thoughtfulness and kindness goes much further than the occasional sweeping romantic (and unlikely) moment.

9. Love languages. There’s something to be said for love languages coined by Gary Chapman. We perceive love differently. If a husband compliments his wife all day long or buys her piles of gifts, and her love language is acts of service, she’s not going to feel loved unless he helps wash the dishes. But I agree with Tim Challies here that love languages are just a way to understand and communicate with each other, not something to demand as a right or use to manipulate.

10. Don’t take each other for granted. This can be easy to do after a number of years together, in the busyness of everyday life. It helps to take time to consciously think of what we appreciate about each other.

11. Maintain good manners. Please, thank you, etc., still go a long way and help #10.

12. Assume the best. A former pastor said 1 Corinthians 137 (“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”) means we cherish the best expectations of each other. If the other is late, leaves something undone, does something in a way we don’t like, talk about it kindly and graciously. Don’t jump to conclusions.

13. Date nights are nice, but not, as some would say, essential. The important thing is to spend time together one on one, whether that involves going out or being at home.

14. Be aware of introversion and extroversion. My husband and I are pretty similar in this respect, though I am more of a homebody than he is. But when there are differences, we need to understand that introverts are energized by time alone and drained by time with people, and extroverts are just the opposite. We need to be balanced and considerate with each other.

15. Rituals. Every couple develops their own little rituals in everyday life. But, like I said recently regarding traditions, we need to be flexible with them and not binding. One couple we knew decided that all through their married life, they would get up at the same time and go to bed at the same time. I wonder if they both got up for babies’ nighttime feedings. That meant a lot to them, but my husband and I could not have sustained that with his work schedule and leaving way early for travel. If we start something like that and find it doesn’t work after a while, it’s okay to adjust.

16. Don’t expect the other to read your mind. We might wonder how the other could not know our preferences or desires, but they can’t unless we express them.

17. Speak plainly. This could work both ways, but I think women are more prone to hint rather than plainly say what they want, and then get frustrated when he doesn’t get it.

18. Don’t make special days a test. I heard this from Gregg Harris some thirty years ago, and he’s the only person I have known to say it. He cautioned against using anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine’s Day, etc., as tests of a spouse’s love, and then feeling angry or hurt if he/she doesn’t remember them. Instead, remind the other, or ask, “What would you like to do for” the day beforehand, etc.

19. We all need appreciation. A friend shared that her husband had done a lot of yard work, then came to the door to ask her to come out and see what he had done, saying he needed an “Atta boy.” We smiled, but it’s true–we need to know someone appreciates our work and it pleases them.

20. Respect. I cringe when I hear husbands talking down to wives or wives talking to husbands the same way they talk to their children. We shouldn’t demean or ridicule each other.

What about when a husband doesn’t act in a way that invites respect? I like to turn this around: the same passage that mentions respect in marriage mentions love (Ephesians 5:22-33). Do we want our husband only to show love to us when we act deserving of it? No! We want him to understand when we’re not very lovable and love us anyway. So we can do the same for him. We may not respect every action or sentence, but we can respect him as a person and give him grace when he’s not perfect.

21. Remember you marry a sinner. As Elizabeth Elliot said, there is no one else to marry. While on one hand we hold each other to the highest, on the other, we acknowledge that the other is only human.

22. Be careful how you talk to others about your spouse. This is not only a matter of respecting our spouse, but of being a good testimony about marriage to others. We don’t have to pretend the other is perfect and never does wrong. But what is it saying to younger people about marriage and relationships if a husband getting together with the guys or a wife with the girls if it’s a time to complain about the other?

23. It’s okay to have separate interests. I think we actually benefit when we are enriched creatively in other ways and then come together. Plus, we shouldn’t expect the other to be interested in every little thing we are.

24. But it’s good to share some interests as well, or to listen to a conversation on a topic we’re not interested in or go to an event the other likes but we don’t care for sometimes. There are some family outings where I might not really be interested in the activity, but I go for the family togetherness.

25. Adapt to your own spouse. I read of a woman who heard that a good wife is a good housekeeper. When she got around to discussing housecleaning with her husband, she was surprised to find that he didn’t really care about a pristine house. He didn’t want a sloppy home, but he didn’t feel it needed all the extra touches she was giving it. In fact, he’d much rather she spent more time with him than more time cleaning. I’ve benefited much from good books about home, marriage, and family, but we need to check them with the real live person in our home and his preferences.

26. Don’t lie. I don’t know if there is an easier way to destroy trust than to lie to someone. Sometimes we don’t outright lie, but we manipulate details to get ourselves off the hook.

27. Remember a spouse is a brother or sister in Christ. How many times have you heard of a couple fighting in the car on the way to church, and then pasting on smiles when they get there? All those one-another passages in the Bible apply to our family members as well as other people at church.

28. Don’t put a spouse in God’s place. I had a hard time when my husband worked an overnight shift a few years into our marriage and even more when he started traveling for his job. Evidently I am not alone in that, because Coping when a husband is away is one of my most often-viewed posts. God uses husbands in our lives as our protectors, providers, and companions–but for Him to work through, not for us to look to instead of Him.

29. Find your security in Christ, in the fact that He created you and gifted you for His calling. We all need encouragement and reassurance at times, but we shouldn’t be needy in the sense of needing constant affirmation.

30. Manage your expectations.

31. Avoid “always” and “never,” especially in an accusatory way.

32. Attack the problem, not the person during disagreements.

Favorite Quotes about Marriage.

33. C. S. Lewis has a long quote from Mere Christianity, included here, the gist of which is that the intense “feeling” of love in the beginning can’t be expected to last. “Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships?” But “love as distinct from ‘being in love’ is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other.” “It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.”

34: Jane Eyre. “To be together is for us to be at once as free as solitude, as gay as in company. We talk, I believe, all day long: to talk to each other is but a more animated and an audible thinking.”

35. Booth Tarkington. “It is love in old age, no longer blind, that is true love. For love’s highest intensity doesn’t necessarily mean its highest quality. Glamour and jealousy are gone; and the ardent caress…is valueless compared to the reassuring touch of a trembling hand. . . the understanding smile of an old wife to her husband is one of the loveliest things in the world.”

36. Mignon McLaughlin. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.“

Favorite Songs about Love and Marriage. I’m not a big fan of sappy love songs, except around Valentine’s Day. 🙂 That’s probably because many of them are unreal–the whole climbing mountains and swimming oceans thing mentioned earlier. But here are a couple I especially love:

37: The Voyage. Jim made this video for me in 2008. Jason and Mittu were recently engaged but not married yet, and of course Timothy wasn’t here then. The song is “The Voyage,” sung here by John McDermott, then in the Irish Tenors:

38: My Cup Runneth Over with Love. This was popular when I was a kid, and I still love it.

Favorite Poems about Marriage.

39. “To My Dear and Loving Husband“ by Anne Bradstreet.

40. “The Blue Robe“ by Wendell Berry about older married love.

41. Several by Richard Armour.

Other Favorite Writings About Marriage:

42. Recipe for a Happy Marriage, author unknown.

43. “His Dear Wife“ by Claudia Barba

44. Pray for each other. Though we meet each other’s needs as much as we can, with God’s help, only He can strengthen and enable us day by day.

45. 1 Corinthians 13 is, of course, the best description of love.

When I started, I wasn’t sure if I could come up with a list of 45. Now that I’ve got the ball rolling, even more things are coming to mind. I’d sum up most of what I’ve learned about marriage with this: be kind, gracious, forgiving. Build each other up; don’t tear each other down. Appreciate the little things. Put God first, then each other.

Do you have any favorite marriage advice, quotes, or poems?

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

Laudable Linkage

Posted on June 15, 2024 by Barbara Harper

Even though I’m a little behind on my blog-reading, I found some great articles in the time I did read:

God . . . the Father? “As a dad, I don’t want my presentation of fatherhood to hurt my kids’ ability to see God as their heavenly Father. But it’s perhaps more important that we help our children recognize the foundational truth here: that God, in all His power and glory, is best understood as a loving, intimate Father.”

Don’t Give Up Dad. “‘Don’t give up dad.’ I remember looking into the mirror and saying those words to myself one dark Father’s Day, years ago. And I was about to give up.”

Fighting for Faith When Doubts Abound, HT to Challies. “There’s a pervasive belief that subtly infiltrates my thought life. One that, deep down, still believes God would keep me from harm and rescue me from pain if he truly loved me. And if he’s truly in control, and a good, loving Father, why does he answer other’s prayers, but continue to seem silent to ours?”

God’s Heart for the Elderly and Infirm Reminds us of the Sanctity of Senior Life. “One of the many problems facing Western society is that we worship youth and make the elderly disposable. Euthanasia, which is legal in my home state of Oregon, is simply abortion of the elderly, disabled, and terminally ill. The same logic and arguments and appeals to ‘compassion’ and quality of life and financial concerns are used for both. God’s perspective on the elderly is vastly different.”

The Incredible Blessing of My Father’s Difficult Final Months, HT to Challies. “The agony of watching Dad suffer like that was unbearable. I begged God to give him a quick end. But Dad was otherwise robust and exhibited a fierce will to live. The doctor said that death did not look imminent. I absolutely did not want to hear that. How could someone live in such a state? But God had an important lesson in store for me. Dad lived for nine more months, and we would have missed an incredible blessing had he died when I wanted.”

Antihistamines for Your Soul. “You don’t HAVE to memorize or read this much to follow Jesus. It’s also true that you can be in the Word every day and still not be anything like Jesus. But the subtle lie underneath is that you can ever have ‘too much’ Scripture in your life. Friends, you CANNOT overdo it on God’s Word and fellowship with him.”

Observation: The First Step in Bible Study. “The first step in studying God’s Word is to carefully observe what the passage is saying. In the observation stage, we give our complete attention to the text to find out what’s there. We must investigate the passage in the same way that a detective investigates a crime scene. How do we do that? Get the “big picture” and then discover the little details. Ask questions… lots of them! Look for certain key clues to discover meaning. See how the little details relate to the big picture.”

Use Discretion (& a Bucket). We’re told to be discerning and compare what is taught with Scripture. But no writer or speaker will be completely without sin. God works through fallen people, and we miss a lot of goodness if all we can see are the flaws.

Paul’s Shocking Ideas About Marriage. “In the typically patriarchal culture of Paul’s day, what he says to wives may not sound that new except for the key point he emphasizes—the motivation and means for being a wife is centered on Christ. Everything Paul says to husbands, however, is very different from what they would have heard from their society. So Paul needs extra time to impress these differences on them.”

A Christian perspective on the new Twitter / X adult content policy changes, HT to Redeeming Productivity. “In May 2024, there was a policy change on adult content, making it acceptable to share adult content. . . . So, with these recent Twitter policy changes, what should we do as Christians?”

Happy Father’s Day to the dads tomorrow!

“To be popular at home is a great achievement. The man who is loved by the house cat, by the dog, by the neighbor’s children, and by his own wife, is a great man, even if he has never had his name in Who’s Who.” Thomas Dreier

Laudable Linkage

Posted on October 7, 2023 by Barbara Harper

I’m a bit behind in my blog reading, but here are some of the thought-provoking posts found this week:

Crowned, HT to Challies. On being a grandparent: “This is miles apart from mothering. At first blush, you would not think so: filling sippy cups, opening snacks, picking up toys, readying baths, reading books, kissing those chunky cheeks, swinging, collecting rocks, frolicking, and singing.”

Your Faithfulness Affects Us All: A Plea to Empty Nesters to Continue to Pursue Their Marriages, HT to Challies. “The problems that are often swept under the rug while the kids are at home have a nasty way of coming back with a vengeance after the kids have left the home. The call to pursue your husband or wife is just as crucial three or five decades into marriage as it is in the first couple of decades of your covenant. Here are three ways to pursue faithfulness in marriage during your empty nest years.”

How to Get the Most Out of Your Pastor’s Preaching. “Do you ever find yourself: Waking up on Sunday morning and wishing you didn’t have to go to church? Having a hard time staying awake in church? Daydreaming during the message, or making a mental ‘to-do’ list while the pastor is preaching?”

Beauty, Goodness, and Truth. “Raechel and Amanda reflected on where in their lives they are seeing beauty, goodness, and truth, and challenged their listeners to consider that too. As I thought about that question, I was surprised by how much it encouraged me.”

3 Times You Should Disobey Authority, HT to Challies. “What are the limits to our moral obligation to submit when someone possesses an ostensibly legitimate authority over us, like a parent over a child? Certainly there are limits. Remember, no human authority is absolute. Authority is always relative to the assignment given by the Authority Giver.”

5 Things at the Heart of a Pastoral Visit, HT to Challies. “Pastoral visitation is a powerful means of spiritual encouragement and a tangible demonstration of the love of Christ to his people. . . . While I have written before about the benefits of visitation to the life and work of a Pastor, this post will seek to lay bare some of the basic principles of visitation which could be of help to those on the receiving end of it.”

Laudable Linkage

Posted on June 10, 2023 by Barbara Harper

Some of the good reads found this week:

Don’t Be Taken In by the Tolerance Trick, HT to Challies. “Real tolerance, I explained, is about how we treat people, not ideas. Classic tolerance requires that every person be free to express his ideas without fear of abuse or reprisal, not that all views have equal validity, merit, or truth.”

Quarantine Is Not a Good Option for parenting styles, HT to Challies. “As tempting as it might be, don’t move your family to a plot of land without internet, electricity, and running water. I’m suggesting that instead of being overwhelmed, we intentionally inoculate our children. Let me explain.”

The Lord Opened a Door for Me . . . So I Shut It, HT to Challies. I’ve included this mainly because it’s a great example of how to respond when a Bible passage doesn’t seem to make sense or seems to go against another passage. “When I find something odd like this in the Bible—when I’m apparently not on the same wavelength as God and his apostle Paul—the correct starting point is to assume I am the one who needs to adjust his thinking. So what can I learn here that might turn the ‘huh?’ moment into an ‘aha!’ moment?”

The Inefficient Church. HT to Challies. “I’m all for certain kinds of efficiency. I just placed an online order to save a trip to the store. But I’m for the right kind of inefficiency: the inefficiency of caring enough to slow down and treat people like people, to know their names, and to actually care.”

The Best Use of Your Short Life, HT to Redeeming Productivity. “Joni’s husband is gone. Her firstborn has passed. Her sister lived to 108 but left us last December. Her joints ache. She grieves over the dramatic moral collapse of our society. She’s ready to go home. So the question returns: ‘Why am I still here?'”

What Can You Do to Help Your Husband be the Best Dad? “In those first few months of parenting, the reality of our differences becomes more obvious than ever before. And with that, the temptation to nag is nearly unbearable. Trust me … even for those who thought we would never nag!”

10 Ways to Help a Musically-Challenged, Older Believer Worship Through Song. “I’m that person. I love to sing God’s praises, but I know nothing about music. I’m also old enough that I’m offered the senior discount at restaurants. Here’s how you might help people like me worship better.”

Laudable Linkage

Posted on January 14, 2023 by Barbara Harper

I’m still catching up with blog reads from the last few weeks, but here are a few good ones I came across.

A Friend Just Lost an Unbelieving Loved One to Death: What Do I Say, Think, and Do? HT to Challies. “How on earth is anyone supposed to be perfectly ‘balanced’ as they traverse this seemingly impossible canyon? With God’s help, it is possible to be faithful to His Word and your friend simultaneously, but this ability does not equate to ease or an absence of deep distress.”

You Can Understand the Bible, HT to Knowable Word. “I’ve battled to get through the census records in Numbers. I’ve labored through the kidneys, livers, and “entrails” of the Levitical laws. I’ve grown weary of the repetitive failures of Israel in 1–2 Kings. I’ve sometimes struggled to see what Hebrews sees in the Old Testament. Much of the imagery of Revelation is still a mystery to me. And so, I regularly find these clear and accessible words from Paul all the more meaningful and encouraging: ‘Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything’ (2 Timothy 2:7).”

Why I Stayed in the Church. “So when I offer these reasons for why we stayed in the church, I do so as a woman who has wrestled with the church’s messiness–and my own. In the end, they may not answer your questions fully, but at least they’ll be a place to start:”

Hedgerows and Big Yellow Trucks, HT to Challies. I loved this. “A hard rain was falling that afternoon, and I was eager to get home. After a long day of doctor appointments in the city for my son Ben, I loaded up the car with groceries and headed up the twisting road to our home in the mountains. Only a few miles up, however, a large yellow County Roads Department truck suddenly pulled out in front of me, making me hit the brakes in frustration. I stewed and fumed as the big truck ground upwards at 20 mph instead of my usual 45.”

Risks and Benefits of Age-Specific Ministry. HT to Challies. “Reflecting on that season of ministry, I’m freshly reminded of the two sides of the age-specific ministry coin. On one hand, the junior high and senior high ministries were incredibly fruitful in their own right (not to mention other age-segregated ministries in between). The ability to hone in on age-specific needs and opportunities served everyone in a personal and powerful way. On the other hand, the combined events were reminders that there are many riches to be discovered with cross-generational ministry. There is a massive benefit to an integrated ministry approach that unleashes the saints to do the work of ministry with everyone in the church, rather than a small segment of it. We all have much to learn from—and much to offer—brothers and sisters who are in different seasons of life.”

An Encouragement to Young Husbands, HT to Challies. “I wanted to do this Christian marriage thing right. As a couple who felt called to missions among the unreached, I wanted us to discipline and focus everything about our lifestyle toward that end. I desired for us to be an example of a sacrificial, Jesus-centered marriage. These desires were not bad. In fact, I would say they were God-given. However, they were also paired with a rushed time-line, anxiety, and pressure. During this newlywed period I was missing what should have been a major emphasis of that time – helping my new bride to simply rest securely in my love for her.”

4 Biblical Truths to Help You Use Time Wisely. “Like Frosty, I saw time melting away, and I wondered if I’d done anything worthwhile with my life. What if I’d wasted weeks and months chasing after worthless things? What if I’d fretted away my days with endless worries over inconsequential things? Had I misspent my minutes, pondering and procrastinating, but never progressing? Had I missed the things that matter?”

A Certain Kind of Evangelical Christian, HT to Challies. This is a Twitter thread that starts: “There once was a certain kind of evangelical Christian I felt free to make fun of. I was pastoring a fast growing church in an urban environment, and a spirit of elitism had infected us. No one would correct me on it because they made fun of them too.”

The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards, HT to Challies. These are always fun.

Laudable Linkage

Posted on December 3, 2022 by Barbara Harper

I am way behind on my blog reading. But here are a few posts that ministered to me this week:

Your Spouse is God’s Creation: Celebrating Differences in Marriage, HT to Challies. “God created every aspect of your spouse’s personhood. He administrated every choice of hardwiring, tone of voice, innate personality, natural gifts, and whether he or she is mechanical, analytical, or relational. Neither you nor your spouse chose any of these qualities.”

Gradual Emancipation: A Parent’s Sacrifice. “Parenting is the long goodbye. It is a gradual emancipation, because chicks were never created to stay in the nest. Everything about their growing years is preparing them for the day they will leave the nest. But as parents we have a choice. We can allow our fears to create a cage for our children.”

A Workaday Faith, HT to Challies. “How do we deal with the fact that most of us will live our lives and then go to our reward without anything impressive to be rewarded for?”

Money Problems? “I firmly believe the ‘labourer is worthy of his hire’ (Luke 10:7, KJV). You and I earn our wages. There is no entitlement or handout. If I represent a weak project, it won’t sell; and I won’t be paid. If you write a weak project, it won’t sell either. The problem comes when money, usually a lack thereof, becomes a distraction.”

President Lincoln’s Proclamation Appointing a National Fast Day. Part of this was referred to in the post above about money. I looked up the rest. These lines in particular stood out to me:

We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of Heaven. We have been preserved, these many years, in peace and prosperity. We have grown in numbers, wealth and power, as no other nation has ever grown. But we have forgotten God. We have forgotten the gracious hand which preserved us in peace, and multiplied and enriched and strengthened us; and we have vainly imagined, in the deceitfulness of our hearts, that all these blessings were produced by some superior wisdom and virtue of our own. Intoxicated with unbroken success, we have become too self-sufficient to feel the necessity of redeeming and preserving grace, too proud to pray to the God that made us!

It behooves us then, to humble ourselves before the offended Power, to confess our national sins, and to pray for clemency and forgiveness.

Laudable Linkage

Posted on August 27, 2022 by Barbara Harper

I have just a short list of links to share as I am still way behind in my blog reading.

Six Steps to Shield Yourself from Satan, HT to Aritha. “So, no matter how many flaming darts Satan fires against us, the shield of faith can extinguish them all. But that doesn’t happen automatically. Shields need to be picked up, and used. So, how do we do that? Here are steps I have found helpful.”

The Lord’s Prayer: Antidote to Expressive Individualism, HT to the Story Warren. “Expressive individualism, the view that who you are is who you feel yourself to be on the inside, is the dominant approach to identity formation in our day. . . This approach to self-understanding is a challenge to a Christian view of the self at every level.”

Inconvenienced, HT to Lisa. “I feel the sting of guilt because I don’t want to be inconvenienced in this way. I want to carry on with my personal schedule as planned. I’m ashamed to say this. I don’t want my routine interrupted. How totally selfish is that?” I can identify.

Three Significant Ways to Teach Your Son The Value of Marriage. “With marriage feeling so ‘optional’ in our present culture, how do we communicate its value and significance to our sons?“