Anita at Blessed But Stressed is celebrating National Family Caregivers Month by inviting blog friends to guest post on the subject throughout November. I am honored to be a guest there today on the subject of Battling Resentment in Caregiving. I hope you will check out the series: I have found a lot of encouragement in the other posts so far.
Monthly Archives: November 2015
Book Review: Child of Mine
In Child of Mine by David and Beverly Lewis, Jack Livingston is a flight instructor raising his niece. His brother and sister-in-law had adopted Natalie, called Nattie, but they died in an accident when she was young. Nattie has had an Amish nanny, Laura Mast, all her eight years of life. Jack’s sister, San (short for Sandra) helps as well.
Kelly Maines has spent eight years looking for her baby, who had been kidnapped and then sold. Sympathetic interest and funding has begun to drop off. She’s not sleeping well, she’s lost weight, and her life has been consumed with following one lead after another.
Readers will guess that these lives will intersect at some point, and they do, but the plot doesn’t end up anything like I expected it would due to some twists and turns.
I can’t say too much more about it because I don’t want to give anything away, but I very much enjoyed the book. It’s different from Beverly’s usual style in that it’s not set among the Amish though an Amish woman is a main character. It’s not the first book collaboration for husband and wife, David and Beverly, but it is the first I’ve read of their work together, though I have read many of Beverly’s before. Now I need to go look up their first one.
(This review will also be linked to Semicolon‘s Saturday Review of Books.)
Help for Changing Thought Patterns
Have you ever found yourself stuck in thought patterns? Fear, worry, and anxiety can easily set up camp in our minds, but so also can selfishness, greed, hatred, discontent, covetousness, jealousy, lust, and others. Many times we don’t even realize just how entangled our thoughts have become; sometimes we’ve just gotten so used to them that we have forgotten any other way.
Some years ago I shared reasons to read the Bible. One reason among the many is that we’re told in Romans 12:2 to be “transformed by the renewing of your mind.” According to BibleStudyTools.com, the Greek word for “renew” there means, “renovation, complete change for the better.” God changes us when we are saved but it takes the rest of our lives, continually spending time with Him in His Word, to “renovate” our thinking and make it more in line with His.
Part of that transformation comes through regular time in the Bible personally and with other believers in church. In a blog post titled “‘You Have Cancer’: When Theology Meets Your Fears,” Tina Walker wrote:
Soon I discovered that cancer was not the enemy – my flesh and Satan were. I wasn’t fighting breast cancer so much as I was fighting myself. And, although I wouldn’t have articulated it this way at the time, my theology was going to determine the outcome.
By theology, I mean the type of practical theology that doesn’t always take the form of a chapter and verse memorized just for the time of need. I’m referring to the accumulation of things learned about God over time. It’s the impression, the viewpoint we have about our God. It frames the way we think and the way we react to everything that happens around us and to us.
We also need to ask Him to “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24). We need for Him to alert us to our blind spots and make us aware of wrong thinking.
But what do we do when we are plagued with thoughts we know are wrong, and even prayed for deliverance and victory over certain wrong thought patterns? I used to pray, “Lord, change my thoughts.” That’s not entirely wrong, because we can’t do anything without Him (John 15:5); however, He has given us tools in His Word to help us combat wrong thoughts. II Corinthians 10:4-5 says, “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”
Someone once said that the best way to deal with a wrong thought is to replace it with another thought. If we just chant to ourselves, “Don’t think that, don’t think that, don’t think that,” we’re going to be stuck. Erwin Lutzer, in his book How to Say No to a Stubborn Habit, says that if someone tells you not to think of the number 8, then suddenly that’s all you’ll be able to think of. So rather than passively wishing and hoping our thoughts would be different, we need to actively turn our minds to right thoughts.
Sometimes that will happen during the regular course of our Bible reading: I don’t know how many times God has led me to help right when I needed it at that time. But sometimes it does take “chapter and verse for a time of need.” It helps to take a concordance and look up verses related to the problem we’re having. I’ve had the experience of angry feelings just melting away after reading verse after verse about anger. It helps to write them out, both so that they can work themselves into our minds while we’re writing them, and also so we can have a handy list to refer back to. Sometimes it helps to look up a number of verses; sometimes it helps to just take one especially helpful verse, write it out on a small card, and take with us everywhere to refer to often, pray through it, soak ourselves in it until it becomes a part of us. The more we are in God’s Word, the more the Holy Spirit can “bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you” (John 14:26).
It helps, too, to concentrate not just on the negative thought you’re trying to change or eliminate, but also on the positive one that needs to take its place. Ephesians 4:28 says don’t steal any more, but rather labor. Verse 29 says don’t let corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but rather that which is edifying. Verses 31-32 say, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” So when I am angry, I need to focus on love, forgiveness, and forbearing instead. When I am anxious, I need to remind myself of God’s sufficiency for whatever I am anxious about.
A few other considerations help in transforming our thinking. Recently I was talking with someone about a matter weighty on their heart, but they didn’t really want to listen (evidenced by their interrupting me in mid-sentence). I know at times I have experienced anxious thoughts frothing and spilling over like bubbles in a fountain. Jesus said to His disciples once, ” I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now. (John 16:12). Sometimes we need to ” Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10a) before we can even hear or receive what He is trying to tell us. There are many verses about inclining our ears or heart to Him. One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 30:15a: “For thus saith the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength.” The more time we spend in His Word, the more we learn of Him and trust in Him, the more we rest in Him and quiet ourselves before Him, the more we can receive the ministry of His Spirit conveying His truth to our hearts.
I don’t mean by any of this that our sanctification or victory over sin is all in our hands. As I said earlier, we can only accomplish anything for God through His grace and power. But He has instructed us to read and meditate on His Word for this and many other reasons.
The ultimate means of change comes from beholding Christ: II Corinthians 3:18: But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.
According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. II Peter 1:3-4
(Sharing with Literacy Musing Mondays, Inspire Me Mondays, Me, Coffee, and Jesus, Soul Survival, Testimony Tuesdays, #TellHisStory)
Friday’s Fave Five
It’s Friday, time to look back over the blessings of the week with Susanne at Living to Tell the Story and other friends.
Here are a few highlights of the week:
1. Mexican food take-out. Love chicken chimichangas and chips and cheese dip!
2. Running into an old friend in the grocery store parking lot and catching up for a few minutes.
3. Pizza from a local business. Jesse and I love pizza from a local non-chain restaurant, but my husband isn’t fond of it. He had to be out for dinner one night this week, and though I don’t like that, it was an opportunity to get pizza from this place.
4. Single serving soup. Jesse and I were just discussing how we wished that the Bear Creek soup mixes (we LOVE the cheddar potato) came in smaller versions. The one we usually use makes more than enough for dinner one night and a couple of lunches later in the week, but sometimes you only want one or two servings. Then when I went to the store I saw just that! I haven’t tried it yet but I am optimistic it will be as good as what we’ve been having.
5. Safety. I pass through one particular intersection in front of W-Mart at least once a week: it has no traffic light and I have to turn left across several lanes of traffic, but I am usually careful to look both ways before pulling out. But one day last week somehow I missed seeing a car in the lane I was entering and didn’t realize it until he swerved, honking, around me. For some reason then he just stopped in front of me straddling the line dividing two lanes. We hadn’t hit, so I tried to pull past him, and then he pulled out in front of me, wagging his finger at me. I was behind him for several blocks, and whenever we were stopped, he’d look back at me in his rear-view mirror and make angry gestures pointing to his head, indicating he thought I was crazy, speaking constantly and animatedly (which I am glad I could not hear). I was relieved when we finally went in different directions. I wished I could have apologized, but on the other hand I was glad I didn’t have to actually speak to the guy. I wanted to say, “Look, I’m sorry. It was stupid of me – I don’t know how I missed seeing you. But everyone is okay and there was no harm done, so can we move on now?” And that was a reminder to me as well that when I am steamed over another driver’s actions, to just let it go and move on instead of rehearsing it and stewing over it way too long. So I am thankful for safety both from my dumb mistake and from road rage.
Hope you have a great weekend!
Book Review: The Dead Secret
The Dead Secret by Wilkie Collins opens with the lady of the Treverton house facing the last hours of her life. She has a secret known only to herself and her maid which she has tried to share with her husband, but couldn’t. So she calls her maid, Sarah Leeson, in to help her write a note to be given to her husband after her death, despite Sarah’s protests. After the task is done, Mrs. Treverton makes Sarah swear that she will not destroy the note nor take it with her if she leaves the house, but she passes away before she can make her swear to give it to Captain Treverton. Sarah feels she can keep her word without actually giving the note to him by hiding it in an unused part of the house. Then, inexplicably, she writes Captain Treverton a note herself explaining that there was a secret but it won’t hurt anyone if it is not revealed, apologizing for leaving, and asking him not to search for her. Then she disappears.
The Captain does search for her, but to no avail.
The story then jumps 15 years ahead. The Treverton’s daughter, Rosamond, marries her love, Leonard Frankland, who became blind during their engagement. Leonard’s father now owns Rosamond’s old home, Porthgenna Tower. The Franklands plan to live in Porthgenna Tower and restore even the old unused rooms.
The rest of the book tells of learning about the hidden note in an unusual way, the search for it, what the secret was, and how it affects everyone involved. By the way, don’t look at the Wikipedia article for this book unless you want the plot totally spoiled in the opening paragraphs.
I had read and very much enjoyed Collins’ The Woman in White last year and wanted to read more of him. For this year’s Back to the Classics Challenge, I decided to read to try one of his earlier works for the forgotten or lesser-known classic category. Though Wilkie was a friend of Dickens, and this book contains that era’s descriptiveness and rambling indirectness that modern readers aren’t fond of, I felt Collins’ writing was a bit tighter than Dickens’ and not so rambly. Critics don’t seem to think this is one of his best, but I really enjoyed it. I had some idea what the secret would relate to, but the route to it and the details worked out differently from what I expected. I thought his characterizations of Rosamond, Leonard, Sarah, and Sarah’s Uncle Joseph (with whom she stays after leaving Porthgenna Tower) were quite well done. I am eager to read even more of Wilkie Collins.
A couple of my favorite sentences:
He was one of those tall, grave, benevolent-looking men, with a conical head, a deep voice, a slow step, and a heavy manner, who passively contrive to get a great reputation for wisdom without the trouble of saying or doing any thing to deserve it (Chapter 3)
She spoke on the principle of drowning the smallest possible infusion of ideas in the largest possible dilution of words (Chapter 4).
You can find The Dead Secret online at Project Gutenberg here or free for the Kindle here, or, of course, in paperback at various locations.
(This review will also be linked to Semicolon‘s Saturday Review of Books.)
Veteran’s Day
I am so thankful for all who have served and are serving our country in various ways and for their families and the sacrifices they make for them to do so.
From Depletion to Abundance
In Mark 6:31-44, after a long period on ministering, Jesus and His disciples were so thronged with people that they couldn’t even find time to sit down and eat. He told them to “Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while.” They all got into a boat, but the people saw them and outran the boat to get to the place they were landing before they did. When Jesus “saw much people,” instead of being irritated that His plans to get alone and rest were foiled (as I would likely have done), He was rather “moved with compassion toward them, because they were as sheep not having a shepherd.”
He spent time teaching them, and “when the day was now far spent,” and they were in a setting where there was no place to buy food, the weary disciples wanted Jesus to finally send the people away. But instead, He told them, “Give ye them to eat.” Besides there being no place to buy bread, they could not have afforded enough to feed all the people (5,000 men plus women and children) anyway. He asked them what they had, which was five loaves and two fish. When everyone was seated in an orderly fashion, Jesus “looked up to heaven, and blessed” the food and broke it into pieces to give to the disciples, who in turn gave it to the people. Not only was everyone satisfied, but there were 12 baskets of food left over.
As I read this familiar account this morning, several truths stood out to me.
Jesus is concerned about our physical and emotional needs as well as our spiritual ones. It is not wrong to feel weary and make plans to get away some times. But when those plans are thwarted, I am not to cling to my “right” or “need” to be alone and regroup. God knows those needs, but if He allows someone in need of ministry to come into my path, I am to have compassion on them and minister to them. I should not be irritated with them or with Him or at the circumstances. That compassion will come as I look away from my own needs and desires and see others in their need.
But when I am depleted and don’t have enough to give, I’m not off the hook. I’m not excused from giving. He instructs me to give what I have, and when He blesses it, it’s not only sufficient, it’s abundant. Though the disciples couldn’t find time to eat, in ministering to others, they were fed. Like those Macedonians in 2 Corinthians 8, who gave liberally even out of their poverty, we’re to give even when we know what we have isn’t enough. In His hands, it’s turned into more than enough.
This doesn’t mean we’re to ignore our needs, not take care of ourselves, and run ourselves into the ground. There is still the principle employed on airplanes where people are instructed to put their own oxygen masks on before they help others with theirs.
But God doesn’t usually call on us to minister to someone when we’re feeling the most spiritual and ready. Often it comes when we’re depleted from already giving, like the disciples after a busy day of teaching and healing, or a mom after a full day of teaching, training, clothing, feeding, changing, and entertaining a little one, or a father after a long day at work, or a teacher or caregiver or nurse or minister or anyone who has already given just about all they thought they had. What we have in ourselves is never enough anyway, but when we’re “running on empty,” and we ask God to bless, fill, and use us, He ministers to us through our ministry to others.
How I praise Thee, precious Savior,
That Thy love laid hold of me;
Thou hast saved and cleansed and filled me
That I might Thy channel be.
Refrain:
Channels only, blessed Master,
But with all Thy wondrous pow’r
Flowing through us, Thou canst use us
Every day and every hour.
Just a channel full of blessing,
To the thirsty hearts around;
To tell out Thy full salvation,
All Thy loving message sound.
Emptied that Thou shouldest fill me,
A clean vessel in Thy hand;
With no pow’r but as Thou givest
Graciously with each command.
Witnessing Thy pow’r to save me,
Setting free from self and sin;
Thou who bought me to possess me,
In Thy fullness, Lord, come in.
Jesus, fill now with Thy Spirit
Hearts that full surrender know;
That the streams of living water
From our inner man may flow.
~ Mary E. Maxwell
(Sharing with Literacy Musing Mondays, Me, Coffee, and Jesus, Thought-Provoking Thursday, Soul Survival)
Book Review: Knowing God
Even though I’ve been posting weekly summaries of my reading from Knowing God by J. I. Packer, I still wanted to do a general review, partly for those who did not want to keep up with the weekly readings, and partly for me to have a general review to link back to.
Even though this book has been considered a classic and has been in print for over 40 years, somehow I had never gotten around to reading it before, though I had heard of it and wanted to.
Packer says the most basic definition of a Christian is that he or she is a person who has God as Father. We are not all God’s children: we become His when we believe on Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior.
Packer begins with the virtues of studying about God as well as the warning not to stop with just the academics, but to use what we learn to get to know God personally.
To be preoccupied with getting theological knowledge as an end in itself, to approach Bible study with no higher a motive than a desire to know all the answers, is the direct route to a state of self-satisfied self-deception. We need to guard our hearts against such an attitude, and pray to be kept from it (p. 22).
The psalmist [of Psalm 119] was interested in truth and orthodoxy, in biblical teaching and theology, not as ends in themselves, but as means to the further ends of life and godliness. His ultimate concern was with the knowledge and service of the great God whose truth he sought to understand (pp. 22-23).
He talks about what it means to know God, how knowing Him differs from knowing others, the different analogies the Scriptures use to illustrate our relationship to Him.
John 17:3: “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.”
Knowing God is more than knowing about him; it is a matter of dealing with him as he opens up to you, and being dealt with by him as he takes knowledge of you. Knowing about him is a necessary precondition of trusting in him (‘how could they have faith in one they had never heard of?’ [Romans 10:4 NEB]), but the width of our knowledge about him is no gauge of the depth of our knowledge of him (pp. 39-40).
He discusses the need to know God as He truly is, not as our mental picture of Him is nor as He has been falsely portrayed by others.
All speculative theology, which rests on philosophical reasoning rather than biblical revelation, is at fault here [emphasis mine here]. Paul tells us where this sort of theology ends: “The world by wisdom knew not God” (1 Cor 1:21 KJV). To follow the imagination of one’s heart in the realm of theology is the way to remain ignorant of God, and to become an idol-worshipper, the idol in this case being a false mental image of God, made by one’s own speculation and imagination (p. 48).
He discusses what it means to believe that Jesus is God Incarnate and yet also fully man, the person and ministry of the Holy Spirit, the truth of the Bible, the need for and nature of propitiation, what the Bible means by adoption, how God guides us, why we still have trials if we know Him and He loves us, and His full adequacy to handle whatever He allows in our lives. He covers in great detail several of God’s attributes: His immutability (His unchanging nature), His majesty, wisdom, love, grace, judgment, wrath, goodness, severity, and jealousy. Each of those topics is the subject of a whole chapter, and it’s impossible to give an overview of them here, but they were quite beneficial and helpful.
As I said in one week’s summaries, sometimes in the middle of a given chapter, it was easy to get occupied with the individual topics or chapters and forget that they are there in connection with how we know God, so it helped me to stop periodically and remember to tie the individual chapters back to the main point of the book. They do all have that connection even though it might not seem like it from the titles.
Though I didn’t agree with every single little point, especially those emphasizing a Calvinistic viewpoint, I did benefit from and can highly recommend the book. I appreciate that it is not full of theologicalese – terminology that only an academic could understand. I wouldn’t call it simple reading: there were a few places that were a little hard to follow. But for the most part I think an average reader could handle it fairly easily.
I am glad I finally made time for this book and thoroughly understand why it is considered a Christian classic. There were multitudes of places I marked and many memorable and helpful quotes in the book, many more than I can possibly recount here. But I’ll close with this one:
In the New Testament, grace means God’s love in action toward people who merited the opposite of love. Grace means God moving heaven and earth to save sinners who could not lift a finger to save themselves. Grace means God sending his only Son to the cross to descend into hell so that we guilty ones might be reconciled to God and received into heaven (p. 249).
For more information, my thoughts on a couple of chapters a week are as follows:
Chapters 1 and 2, “The Study of God” and “The People Who Know Their God”
Chapters 3 and 4, “Knowing and Being Known” and “The Only True God”
Chapters 5 and 6: “God Incarnate” and “He Shall Testify”
Chapters 7 and 8: “God Unchanging” and “The Majesty of God”
Chapters 9 and 10: “God Only Wise” and “God’s Wisdom and Ours”
Chapters 11 and 12: “Thy Word Is Truth” and “The Love of God”
Chapters 13 and 14: “The Grace of God” and “God the Judge”
Chapters 15 and 16: “The Wrath of God” and “Goodness and Severity”
Chapters 17 and 18: “The Jealous God” and “The Heart of the Gospel” (Propitiation)
Chapters 19 and 20: “Sons of God” and “Thou Our Guide”
Chapters 21 and 22: “These Inward Trials” and “The Adequacy of God”
(This review will also be linked to Semicolon‘s Saturday Review of Books.)
Laudable Linkage
It has been a few weeks since I have been able to share with you some interesting things found around the internet. Perhaps you’ll find something of interest in the following:
3 Things to Tell Yourself When Others Prosper While You Suffer.
Thank God for Your Normal, Boring Life.
Grieving Over the Holidays – What You Need to Know.
14 Reasons to Memorize an Entire Book of the Bible. Though some of this addressed to preachers, other parts of it are applicable to us all.
“Mama, What Does $*@#%! Mean?” Wise advice for how to handle those times when, no matter how protective you’ve been, your child overhears a bad word.
Why I Show Children Hospitality (Even Though I Am Not a Parent), HT to The Story Warren.
Please Don’t Be Intolerant. As Inigo Montoya says, I think many people use that word without knowing what it really means.
Why Readers Are Skipping Crucial Parts of Your Story.
The Most Instagrammed Location In Every State.
12 Ridiculously Warm Products For People Who Are Always Ridiculously Cold. I am usually warmer than everyone else, but I know people who are always cold and could use some of these.
There were so many more Write 31 Days series than I could possibly read, and I dipped in here and there with quite a few, but a few I kept up with almost daily were:
Tools to Memorize a Bible Chapter.
31 Days of Hope for Caregivers.
31 Glimpses Into the Unquiet Mind. A mother and daughter share the daughter’s journey with bipolar disorder and the long journey to diagnosis and treatment.
31 Ways to Snag a Literary Agent.
Happy Saturday!
Friday’s Fave Five
It’s Friday, time to look back over the blessings of the week with Susanne at Living to Tell the Story and other friends.
This has been a week where it hasn’t been hard at all to find favorite highlights to share. Here are a few:
1. Pumpkin carving night with the family. Here’s the fruit of our labors:
Timothy painted his with bath soap paints. 🙂
2. Apple cider in the crockpot and my annual homemade caramel corn to go along with the above festivities.
3. Baked potatoes like Red Lobster’s using this recipe. Love those things and was happy to finally find a recipe for them.
4. A week of “finallys” – finally getting to some things that have been on my agenda for weeks, like getting a haircut, getting the rest of my fall decorations out, weeding some clothes out of my closet that I no longer wear, getting out and washing some winter clothes so they’re ready to wear, and cleaning out the inside of my car. Feels good to finally have those done.
5. This message on what the Bible calls our “flesh“ from a former pastor. I have heard him speak on this before in more detail, but it was nice to have the “condensed version” here. Very helpful.
How could I have forgotten to add getting back that hour of sleep last weekend? I don’t like the early evening darkness afterward, but I love that extra hour.
Happy Friday!
Stray Thoughts 