About Barbara Harper

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How Can a Wife Help Her Husband?

Posted on October 19, 2025 by Barbara Harper

We depend on our husbands for a lot of things: his work to provide for the family, his leadership, his companionship. He listens, encourages, supports. In many households, the husband takes care of car and home repairs. In some, he does the landscaping and lawn-mowing. And sometimes he helps with groceries, errand-running, laundry, housework, and even our projects.

It’s easy to depend on a husband’s help in myriad ways. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Ephesians 5:25 instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and Jesus certainly helps us.

But sometimes I’m reminded of Genesis 2:18, where God said He made woman a helper fit for or suitable for the man. And I wonder, am I being a help to my husband? And how do I do that?

I’m not much help with working on car or house repairs, except maybe for holding a flashlight or handing a tool. We prioritized my being home, first with the children, then to care for his mother, for most of our marriage, so my financial contribution was more on managing what we had well. Plus, I didn’t have the skill set to provide for us as he did.

I think a wife’s help to her husband will vary from marriage to marriage. 1 Peter 3:7 says husbands are to dwell with their wives “according to knowledge” or “in an understanding way,” depending on the translation. That’s also true of wives in regard to their husbands. We need to understand our own husbands and what he would consider helpful. I knew one woman who had been told that a good wife keeps a spotless home. But then she learned that her husband didn’t really care if the home was super-clean. He’d rather she spent more time with him than cleaning.

However, there are some ways we can each be a suitable helper.

Love him. Once a Sunday School teacher of a women’s class I was in came to Titus 2:3-4, which tells older women to teach the younger a number of things, including loving their husbands. The teacher said, “I think that just comes naturally, don’t you?” Then she went on to the next verse. If it came naturally, I don’t think we’d need to be taught it. The love that starts marriage is usually not the kind of love that sustains it. One of my teachers defined biblical love as the “self-sacrificial desire to meet the needs of the cherished person.” Our innate selfishness is going to come out, as is his, and we have to work at putting each other first.

Love God. Though we depend on our husband to provide for us, protect us, keep us from loneliness, and so many other things, we come to the place where we realize he can’t be everything to us. God works through our husbands to do those things, yet our ultimate dependence needs to be on God, not our husbands. And we need to lean on the Lord for strength and grace and wisdom to do our part.

Pray for him. Beyond asking God to bless his day, we can pray for wisdom for him at work and home, for God to help him grow and mature in Him. I often like to pray Colossians 1:9-12, as well as other Scriptures, for my loved ones.

Fellowship. The verse about woman being made a helper is in the context of creation. God had made the animals, then man. Adam named all the animals, but found no one like himself. God said it wasn’t good for man to be alone. He made woman as a helper. So it seems one of the first and best ways to help our husbands is to be with them, to listen to them. It’s easy, with so much to do in life, to just pass each other on the way to other tasks and appointments. We need to prioritize time together.

Providing a safe place. We should be the main ones our husbands can share with or vent to without worrying about being put down or having what he told us in confidence shared with others.

Respect. Yes, respect goes both ways. But Ephesians 5:33 tells wives specifically to respect their husbands.

In one book I read some years ago, a poll among Christian men showed that the majority of them valued respect even more than love (1). We should never ridicule, demean, put down, or scold our husbands. If there’s something we’d like him to do differently, we need to express that in a tone like we’d use with a friend or boss or anyone else we respected.

But what if he’s not acting in a way we can respect? It helps me to turn this question around. The same verse that talks about wives respecting husbands says a husband should love his wife as himself. Do we want our husbands to love us only when we deserve it, when we act lovable? No! We want him to show love even when–maybe especially when–we’re not acting so lovable. He loves us not because of how we act, but out of obedience to God. So we should respect him out of obedience to God. Even if we can’t respect everything he does, we can show respect to him as a person and in his position as our husband.

Manage expectations. Our husbands are not going to be perfect. They’re not always going to be spiritual giants. Elisabeth Elliot wrote that we marry a sinner, because there is no one else to marry. She also said that, instead of harping on the 20% or so that we might disagree with, we need to appreciate the 80% we like.

Colossians 3:12-13 was written to the church to practice in everyday life, which surely includes the home: “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

In addition, we need to be realistic about what he does do. Often I hear wives wish their husbands would do more. In our home, my husband worked 40+ hours a week, did the yard work and taxes, paid the bills, took care of home repairs, and did everything involving the vehicles. Should I then expect him to help me with everything I do as well? He was always willing, if he was able, and I did call on him a lot. But I tried to be conscience of what he was already doing and not overload him.

Submit to him. Yes, Ephesians 5:21 says we’re to submit to one another. But verse 22, as well as Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1, Titus 2:4-5, tells wives to submit to their husbands. This doesn’t mean he lords it over her or that she’s a doormat with no opinions of her own. But if we’re constantly pulling against him or his leadership, we’re hurting more than helping.

Be content. It’s not wrong to want to make improvements or to dream of a bigger home or new furniture or nicer clothes. But those things usually have to be managed over time. We need to wait patiently and not constantly complain.

Respect his work. Hollywood has made several movies about workaholic dads who need to learn that their families are more important than the corporate world. But often those stories are unrealistic. I wonder if men who work at home feel even more pressure to put away work to help at home or go to family activities. Providing for his family is the responsibility of a husband and father (that’s not to say wives can’t work, but usually the bulk falls on the husband).

I had to learn this the hard way when my husband’s job started requiring him to travel. I often wailed to the Lord that this wasn’t what I signed up for. But then it seemed my husband had even more road trips. Even when he wasn’t traveling, he usually worked way over forty hours a week. He wasn’t a workaholic, but he had a strong work ethic and felt the responsibility of making sure the job was done rather than clocking out just because it was 5 p.m.

Inspiration came for me in the form of a novel, A Quiet Strength by Janette Oke, about a young woman’s struggles during the first few years of marriage .Though I had been married for years and the main character was a newlywed, her struggles with being left alone so much while her husband worked on the farm and built their home resonated with me. He saw what he was doing as an expression of love and care for her. But all she could see was her loneliness. In novel style, they had a big blowup, then talked things out, then found small ways to connect to offset the time apart. My husband and I didn’t have a blowup, but I needed to seek contentment, maturity, and God’s strength. This all led to a post titled Coping When Your Husband Is Away, which turned out to be one of my most viewed posts. I had no idea so many women had the same struggle.

Encourage his friendships with other men. Though we’re probably our husbands’ main social outlet, we can’t be the only one. The Bible has much to say about our fellowship with other believers. My husband has always encouraged my friendship with other women, but he has sometimes been reluctant to get together with other men outside of work and church since his job took him away from home so much. But he did enjoy work days and men’s prayer breakfasts. Now that he’s retired, he sometimes gets together for coffee or lunch with other men.

Give him some time to himself. It’s not usually wise to hit him at the door with bad news (unless it’s an emergency) or a litany of all the problems that came up that day. Give him some time to decompress or work on his hobbies. This varies from person to person, but an introvert will be much better with others when he has some time alone.

Be trustworthy. Proverbs 31:1-12 says of the excellent wife, “The heart of her husband trusts in her. . . She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Of course we shouldn’t lie or hide things from our husbands. But sometimes we’re tempted to shade the truth if we feel he’s going to disapprove or be disappointed in something we did. It’s better to be open and honest, even if we need to confess something or apologize.

Ask for what you need, don’t nag. When we need some of the help mentioned in the first paragraph or some time alone, we can ask for it in a kind, cooperative, and patient way. We don’t need to demand or needle or fuss. If there’s a conflict, we can graciously seek to work it out.

Ask him. Books and articles about marriage can be helpful, but no two are alike. We each bring different personalities, gifts, and traditions to the relationship. We each adapt to our own spouse. There may be ways we think we’re helping that aren’t so helpful. Or there may be a way to help that we haven’t thought of.

Does this sound exhausting? God will give strength in our weakness and grace to help in time of need.

_____
(1) For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. I read this years ago and don’t remember if I agreed with everything in it. But this point stood out to me.

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

Laudable Linkage

Posted on October 18, 2025 by Barbara Harper

I have just a few reads to share this week:

Set Your Heart, HT to Challies. “’I just don’t want to be a Pharisee.‘ This is normally how it starts. There is a good impulse to want to avoid self-righteousness or gospel-less obedience. But this good impulse quickly gets co-opted by the devil.”

5 Ways to Worship God in Everyday Life. “Worship includes both words and actions. It is more than a feeling, an experience, an environment, or a ritual. Worship is communicating through what we say and what we do that God is most important in our lives. How do we keep God first every day?”

The World Needs Evangelists with Cheerful Confidence, HT to Challies. “Christians who share the gospel today shouldn’t imagine themselves trapped in a pit of defeater beliefs, scrambling to dig their way up to level ground just to make a case. No. It’s the world that’s in the pit. The believer stands on solid ground, secure on the rock, and calls out with confidence, ‘Come up higher. There is light, there is air, there is life up here.'”

The Mother I Meant to Be, HT to Challies. “Be the best mother you can, but sanctification—for you and them—comes slowly. You will not be enough, and the good in your children will sometimes be in spite of you rather than because of you. That may sound depressing now, but it will be a relief later.”

1,440 Jewels: Mastering the 1,440 Minutes God Gives You. “We all live on the same 24-hour clock, but have you ever paused to consider the sheer number of minutes we are gifted? There are 1,440 minutes in every single day. That’s not just a mathematical fact; for the Christian, it’s a profound spiritual truth. Each minute is a tiny, precious container, filled with potential for worship, service, growth, and connection with our Creator.”

Of course you’re not up to the task, that’s why you’ve been given the presence, promises and provisions of Jesus. Paul David Tripp

Friday’s Fave Five

Posted on October 17, 2025 by Barbara Harper

It’s another “Where has this week gone?” kind of Friday. I like to stop for a few minutes to think back through the week and remember the good parts with you all and Susanne and friends at Living to Tell the Story.

1. Summer flowers’ last hurrah. Our cosmos looked about ready to cut back, but then they put out another spectacular round of blooms. The front planters are still looking good, too.

2. Pretty note pads and a book bought with an Amazon gift card from my birthday back in August.

3. A dermatologist visit for the first time. I really liked the person I saw.

4. A haircut coupon for $7.99 for the place we usually go to.

5. Impromptu dinner with the family. A game we pre-ordered for Jesse’s birthday a few weeks ago just arrived Thursday. I texted him to let him know and ask if he wanted to come for dinner as well as to get the game. He said yes, so I checked with Jason and Mittu to see if they were free as well. They were!

It’s hard to believe we’re halfway through October already. Sadly, we’re still not seeing much fall leaf color, but some trees are already bare. Here’s hoping we see some fall foliage before the season is over.

Review: North! Or Be Eaten

Posted on October 16, 2025 by Barbara Harper

North! Or Be Eaten is the second of Andrew Peterson’s Wingfeather Saga for children.

In the first book, On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness (linked to my review), we met the Igiby family: grandfather Podo, mother Nia, sons Janner and Tink, and daughter Leeli. They lived in Skree, which is under the domination of the Fangs of Dang, headed by Gnag the Nameless.

At the end of the first book (spoiler alert if you haven’t read it), the children are stunned to learn that they are the lost Jewels of fabled Anniera. Their father was the High King.

Unfortunately, the Fangs figure this out as well. They raze the town, burn the Igiby’s home, and pursue them. Podo’s plan is to make it to the Ice Prairies, which the lizard-like Fangs can’t tolerate. Once there, they can decide what to do next.

Thus the family sets out on an epic quest “through many dangers, toils, and snares.”

They are accosted by the Stranders, rough, fierce people who live in Glipwood Forest and have no conscience about stealing and kidnapping. Yet they find a couple of people of character even there.

They get separated at Dugtown, which, oddly, lacks children–and soon find out why.

While searching for the lost Tink, Janner gets whisked away to the deceptively named Fork Factory, where there is no escape.

They are betrayed by those they thought were friends. But they find aid in unexpected sources.

Along the way, they battle not only the enemies pursuing them, but themselves. When the journey is quiet, the children are told more about the kingdom and their established roles in it. Leeli is fine with hers and seems to have been fulfilling it already. But the boys take longer to absorb the news and aren’t so sure they want the responsibility.

However, their trials and hardships bring home to their hearts what is most important. And when things seem at their lowest, “darkness is seldom complete, and even when it is, the pinprick of light is not long in coming–and finer for the great shroud that surrounds it” (p. 312).

One whose hidden past caught up with him “moved through the days in peace and wonder, for his whole story had been told for the first time, and he found that he was still loved” (p. 323).

The first book took a while to set up the characters and situation. This book dove right into the action. There’s a lot less humor in this book than the first, but I felt the first went a little overboard in that department. There aren’t many occasions for full-blown humor in this book, but it’s tucked in here and there.

Besides trusting “the Maker,” family, bravery, and overcoming, it seemed to me that identity was a key theme. Though Janner struggled with his role in the kingdom, remembering who he really was helped him in the Fork Factory, where all the workers were only called “Tools” and treated as such.

The book is wonderfully illustrated by Joe Sutphin. I think the boy on the front cover is supposed to be Tink, who looks a lot like former Monkee Michael Nesmith. 🙂 I don’t think that’s purposeful, as neither author nor illustrator are old enough to have been Monkee’s fans. But it was a fun connection.

I enjoyed the book a lot, especially the latter third of it. There are two more books in the series. I look forward to what happens to the Igiby family next.

Review: The Mystery of Edwin Drood

Posted on October 14, 2025 by Barbara Harper

The Mystery of Edwin Drood was the last of Charles Dickens’ novels and only about half-finished when he died.

The story opens in an opium den as a man awakens from his drug-induced stupor, then goes to the cathedral, where he is the choirmaster.

A little later, this man, John Jasper, tells his nephew, Edwin Drood, that he takes opium for a physical condition. The reader is left unsure for a while whether Jasper is telling the truth or leading a double life.

Edwin is a young man engaged to Rosa Bud. They are both orphans, but their fathers were good friends and arranged their marriage. Edwin comments that the prearrangement “flattens” the excitement of their courtship. But he’s willing to go along with the plan. He and Rosa often end up arguing.

Twin siblings, Neville and Helena Landless, also newly orphaned, arrive from Ceylon with their guardian. Neville is to study with the minor canon, Rev. Crisparkle, while Helena will attends the nuns’ boarding school. She and Rosa, also a student there, become good friends.

Nevile has been mistreated by his stepfather and has a quick temper. He is secretly attracted to Rosa and can’t stand the way Edwin treats her. The two young men argue, goaded on by Jasper.

Crisparkle urges the two to settle their differences. The day after they do, Edwin disappears. Neville is immediately suspect, but there’s no proof of his guilt.

Dickens always has multiple threads and quirky characters woven into his plots. Mr. Durdles is a stonemason and undertaker. Jasper asks Durdles to take him on a nighttime tour of the crypts. “Deputy” is the nickname of a street child who throws rocks at people out at night but who also sees and hears much that goes on. Mr. Sapsea is a somewhat self-important auctioneer who later becomes the mayor. Dick Datchery comes into the story later, a man of independent means supposedly looking for a pleasant place to stay. A former sea captain, Mr. Tartar, arrives later, too, and ends up living next to where Neville is hiding out. At first I thought Tartar was spying on Neville for Jasper, but later I didn’t think so.

One of the most touching moments for me involved Mr. Grewgious, Rosa’s guardian. At first he comes across as a little silly and fussy. But later, as he remembers the women he silently loved, who died long ago, he wonders whether the man she married ever suspected him of having feelings for her. As he catches sight of himself in the mirror, he says “A likely someone, you, to come into anybody’s thoughts in such an aspect! There! There! There! Get to bed, poor man, and cease to jabber!” The narrator notes, “There are such unexplored romantic nooks in the unlikeliest men.”

Another favorite quote, said of Rev. Crisparkle: “He was simply and staunchly true to his duty alike in the large case and in the small. So all true souls ever are. So every true soul ever was, ever is, and ever will be. There is nothing little to the really great in spirit.”

I liked the turn of phrase that a bombastic man targeted another as “kind of human peg to hang his oratorical hat on.” Then, “the remainder of the party lapsed into a sort of gelatinous state, in which there was no flavour or solidity, and very little resistance.”

And this brought a smile: “The two shook hands with the greatest heartiness, and then went the wonderful length—for Englishmen—of laying their hands each on the other’s shoulders, and looking joyfully each into the other’s face.”

Wikipedia lists some of the theories about how Dickens intended to finish the novel. I feel pretty sure I know what happened to Edwin and why and by whom–the clues seem to point one direction. But it would have been fun to learn whether I was right and to see the plot unravel and the bad guy get his comeuppance.

I listened to the audiobook, narrated by David Thorn. He did a great job, except I had a little trouble understanding a few of the characters. I also got the Kindle version, which was free at the time, to go over the passages which weren’t clear to me.

Some years ago I set myself a mission to read all the Dickens novels I hadn’t read yet. Now I have read all of them except Barnaby Rudge, which, honestly, doesn’t sound very exciting. But I will still read it some day.

While Edwin Drood isn’t my favorite of Dickens’ novels–those would be A Tale of Two Cities and David Copperfield--I did enjoy it and got caught up in the mystery.

What Complaining Does

Posted on October 12, 2025 by Barbara Harper

When I was student teaching, another student from my college with his own car offered to drive the rest of us who were teaching at a particular school. There was something about his car that produced a strong sulfur-like smell. Many mornings–maybe every morning–I made some kind of comment about the odor. One day he wearily said, “I know it smells bad, but I can’t help it.”

Suddenly I realized how my complaining must have sounded to him. Not only was I wearing him down with my negativity, but I wasn’t showing any gratitude or consideration for his kindness in driving me to school.

It’s so easy to complain about the least little thing: the weather, other drivers, the neighbor who plays loud music, the restaurant entree that takes too long to arrive, the rude sales clerk, loss of electricity during a storm, and so much more.

Our ladies Bible study is working through Exodus this semester. In Exodus 15:22, the Israelites went three days in the wilderness only to find that the water was too bitter to drink. In the next chapter, they complain because they don’t have food.

Their concern was legitimate. Being without food and water, especially in the wilderness, is a serious problem.

But they had just seen God work miraculously in the ten plagues He had sent to Egypt and then in delivering them from Pharaoh’s army by way of walking through the Red Sea on dry ground. It seems like they’d stop to think that a God who could do that could provide for them. They didn’t even ask Him. They just started to complain–other translations say they grumbled or murmured.

But before we’re too hard on the children of Israel, we need to look at ourselves. How often do I complain at the first minor inconvenience? I don’t stop to ask God if He has something for me to learn from the problem. I might get convicted about that later, but all too often my first response is to grouse.

The night we discussed this passage in our Bible study, our teacher asked us what some of the results of this complaining were as she wrote them on the whiteboard. I wished I had taken notes or taken a photo of the board. But here’s what I remember or what comes to mind as I look at the passage now.

What complaining does:

Minimizes God’s work and maximizes the problem. When we complain, we’re focused on the problem instead of looking to the One who can fix the problem.

Distorts reality. It may have looked like Israel was in the desert with no water. But in reality, they were in the hands of the God who redeemed them and promised to lead and take care of them.

Reveals ingratitude. When the people complained in the wilderness, they lamented that they weren’t still enslaved in Egypt. In their grumbling, they didn’t appreciate all God did to free them.

Infects others. Complaining spreads like wildfire, both in spreading from person to person, and spreading to other areas of life.

Places false blame. The people grumbled against Moses, as if the situation was his fault. The church of one of our pastor friends turned against him for “running the church into debt.” We asked one person whether the congregation had voted on the spending proposals. She said yes, but “We figured they knew what they were doing.” How often do we take out our dissatisfaction with a company on the waiter or sales clerk, who are just trying to do their jobs and aren’t responsible for company policy?

Destroys our peace and rest. When we complain, we stir up negativity and discontent in our own hearts rather than resting in our God.

Becomes a bad habit. As we’ll see later in Exodus, the Israelites’ complaining continues throughout their journey. The more we give way to complaining the more that becomes our default response.

Wears others down. Later in Exodus, the peoples’ complaining drives Moses to complain to God (Numbers 11:10-15).

Leads to a worse offense. In Numbers 14, the Israelites come to the land God promised them. But they’re afraid to go in. The spies who scouted out the territory report that there are giants in the land. The people, once again, do not look to God’s promised help. When Joshua and Caleb try to encourage them that God will enable them to claim the land, the people want to stone them. How many decades-long feuds have started because of one disagreement or seeming offense?

Hardens hearts. In Psalm 95:7b-9, the psalmist warns, “Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts, as at Meribah, as on the day at Massah in the wilderness,
when your fathers put me to the test and put me to the proof, though they had seen my work.” Marah was the name given to the place where the water was bitter back in Exodus 15.

The writer of Hebrews refers to this passage twice in chapter 3 and exhorts readers to “Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (verses 12-13).

Complaining is serious business. In Exodus 16:8, Moses tells the people, “The Lord has heard your grumbling that you grumble against him—what are we? Your grumbling is not against us but against the Lord.” The fact that they are actually grumbling against the Lord is repeated in Numbers 11 and 14.

God didn’t deal with them harshly at first. They’d just come from 400 years of slavery. They probably hadn’t had much opportunity to encourage or teach each other spiritually. But after a while, when they had enough knowledge and experience with God to trust that He would take care of them, He became angry at their complaining, unbelief, and hardness.

Paul refers to the Israelites in the wilderness in 1 Corinthians 10:9-11: “We must not put Christ to the test, as some of them did and were destroyed by serpents, nor grumble, as some of them did and were destroyed by the Destroyer. Now these things happened to them as an example, but they were written down for our instruction, on whom the end of the ages has come.”

And lest we think we’re immune, Paul goes on to say, “Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall” (verse 12).

In pondering this topic, I think it’s important to establish what complaining is not.

I don’t think it’s wrong to simply make an observation. When my kids were little, if I said, “Wow, it sure is hot today,” one of them would say, “Complaining is a sin.” I’m not sure where he heard that. I probably tried to teach them not to complain, but not with that sentence in that way.

Likewise, discussing a problem in itself isn’t complaining. I might tell the waiter about a problem with my food so the restaurant knows something is wrong. My husband and I might discuss a problem with a neighbor to ascertain whether there is anything we can do about it.

Lament is also not complaining. The psalms are full of people crying out to the Lord about their problems.

Any of these things can be done in a gripy, complaining way, but aren’t necessarily complaining in themselves. Murmuring and grumbling seem to have some element of annoyance and dissatisfaction. Complaining might involve demeaning or quietly seething or ranting at the waiter or against the neighbor.

What does God want us to do instead of complain? Trust Him. Soften our hearts. Magnify Him, not the problem. Ask Him to intervene and take care of the problem. Remind ourselves of the way He has provided for us in the past. Take the problem to the right people to address it. Wait patiently. Forgive and forbear with each other (Colossians 3:13). Learn what He has for us in allowing the situation.

May God give us grace to do so.

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

Laudable Linkage

Posted on October 11, 2025 by Barbara Harper

I found several thought-provoking reads this week:

Why Looking Backwards Keeps You Safe, HT to Challies. “When I face a vexing theological question, I start with what I know for sure and use that to organize the field, eliminate options, and clarify the task. I move from the known to the unknown. In this case, two sound convictions guided my assessment of the ‘revival.'”

Your Father’s Care Is Round You There, HT to Challies. “Good hymns, old and new, have a way of exposing and strengthening our hearts across a seemingly infinite variety of situations. They present us with general truths, anchored in God’s Word, that penetrate into the darkest and most complicated crevices of our circumstances.”

Praying for the Impossible and the Simple. When we pray for God to save our lost loved ones, we’re praying for Him to do something only He can do, but something which He delights to do.

God Is Our Guide on Paths We Did not Choose. HT to Challies. “When I was fifteen, I made a promise to the Lord that I would obediently go wherever he led. Back then, I was sure he’d call me to an impoverished country to serve as a missionary. I was open to that. Instead, he has led me into a life marked by physical pain. It’s not exactly what I had in mind. . . . sometimes God guides us to places we could never have imagined for ourselves. His plans for us are good, but they are not always easy. Even so, I’ve learned that when God calls us to walk through a shadowed valley, he has promised to go with us. We can trust his guidance because he provides what we need to persevere through every valley.”

How Reading the Bible Every Day Changes Everything. “It did, indeed, take me fifteen months to finish, but I finished. I did something most Christians will never do. I read the entire Bible, from Genesis to Revelation. In the process, I discovered something unexpected—the key to a dynamic Christian life. Little by little, as I read through my Bible, amazing things began to happen. Some of them were so subtle I didn’t notice them at first. Others took years to fully manifest, but they transformed my life.”

Truth in Small Bites Is Truth Nonetheless. “When life takes a turn, most of us tend to push Bible reading aside until our circumstances return to normal. If you’re not able to sit down at your kitchen table for a quiet hour of in-depth study, you don’t even crack open God’s Word. Somewhere along the way, you’ve told yourself that if you’re not able to feast, you shouldn’t eat at all, not realizing that a handful of almonds in the middle of the night is far better than allowing your soul to starve.”

We Still Need Gentlemen. “We all saw the pictures of men who stood by and watched while 23 year old Iryna Zarutska was stabbed to death on a bus. We saw those photos and wondered how we’ve come to this place in history, a time when men have lost their protective instinct. According to scripture, men were created to protect and treasure those more vulnerable than themselves. God calls men to be strong, to be heroes, to be courageous and caring. Sometimes when we turn on the news, we begin to realize that many men have lost their sense of purpose in favor of apathy or self-preservation.”

Watch Your Language, HT to Challies. “Nasty language is a black-magic wand. When you touch it to a person,place or thing, you perform an act of mild (and sometimes not so mild) denigration. When you use everyone’s favorite vulgar word to denote the sexual act, you reduce the act. You gut the spirit life out of it. With profanity, you denigrate what you feel is overvalued. You try to cut it down to size. … When you curse compulsively you produce a view of the world that’s smaller and meaner.”

Welcoming Others with Gospel Hospitality, HT to Challies. “When we hear the word ‘hospitality,’ we may think only of inviting people into our home. The thought of doing so may create a feeling of panic deep within us as we think about cleaning the house or fixing an elaborate meal. Hospitality can feel risky as we think about letting strangers and even friends in our homes and our lives. But gospel hospitality says nothing about a clean house or fancy meals. In fact, nothing about the gospel is fancy or flashy.”

Let Kids Read Dangerous Stories: 3 Thoughts on the Rise of Cozy Fiction, HT to Challies. “I’ve begun noticing a trend in popular fiction books over the past few years, and that’s the word ‘cozy’. Cozy romance, cozy mystery, cozy fantasy. We’re surrounded by books and stories of picture-perfect relationships, dreamy Hallmark settings, and adventures-that-aren’t-really adventurous.” I agree with this writer that these kinds of stories are okay, but not realistic. I like the G. K. Chesterton quote she shares: “Fairy tales do not give the child his first idea of bogey. What fairy tales give the child is his first clear idea of the possible defeat of bogey. The baby has known the dragon intimately ever since he had an imagination. What the fairy tale provides for him is a St. George to kill the dragon.”

How God loves us: not because we are lovable but because He is love,
not because He needs to receive but He delights to give.–C. S. Lewis

Friday’s Fave Five

Posted on October 10, 2025 by Barbara Harper

I was outside late one afternoon this week, and the weather was absolutely delicious–low humidity, and cool but not chilly. Fall feels truly here!

I’m sharing highlights from this week with Susanne and friends at Living to Tell the Story.

1. Connect Four painting. I mentioned last month the Connect Four program our church ladies’ group does, where everyone who signs up is divided into groups of four, and we’re to meet together once a month over the next four months. Each group can do whatever they want when they get together. Last year, we just met for lunch each month, which was great. This year, we met for dinner one night. When we discussed what to do for the next meeting, someone suggested one of those places where everyone paints the same picture. But that was going to be expensive. One of the ladies said she was doing a Van Gogh paint by number painting, and somehow that morphed into getting together to paint by numbers. 🙂 There were some gorgeous kits on Amazon, but they were 16×20 and very detailed. I wanted something small. I found a pink rose set at Michael’s. It was so relaxing and fun to paint together and talk and get to know each other.

2. Cini Minis. Burger King used to make these, and I’ve never quite forgiven them for discontinuing them. I have fond memories of dividing them with the kids. But we saw a commercial this week advertising that they were back. One morning Jim got some, as well as a ham and egg croissanwich, for breakfast.

3. Setting aside things for the thrift store. I have a box where I place things to give away as I come to them. But I also had a few other things in mind to add to it. I didn’t do a massive whole-house purge, but I was glad to finally get these things boxed up to go out soon.

4. Several odd jobs completed like cleaning out my purse, a stack of catalogs, and the catch-all baskets on my desk and kitchen counter.

5. Pre-order discounts. A favorite author has a book coming out soon. I saw on her Instagram account that her publisher was offering a 40% discount and free shipping on the book.

Bonus: These gripper things that help open jars and bottles. I was trying to get a container open this morning with no success and was about to go find my husband for help. Then I remembered I had a couple of these in a kitchen drawer.

I hope your week has been a pleasant one!

100 Ways to Improve Your Writing

Posted on October 7, 2025 by Barbara Harper

If you’ve read much writing instruction, you may have seen this well-known paragraph:

This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals—sounds that say, “Listen to this; it is important” (p. 58).

The author of that masterpiece is Gary Provost, who wrote “more than a thousand published article and stories” (p. 160) as well as two dozen books. He was also a writing teacher and the founder of a semiannual Writer’s Retreat Workshop.

101 Ways to Improve Your Writing: Proven Professional Techniques for Writing with Style and Power was his second instructional book about writing, The Freelance Writer’s Handbook being the first. Some of the material here originally appeared in the Writer’s Digest magazine. The first edition of the book came out in 1985. This 2019 edition has been updated, mostly concerning changes in technology, by his wife, Gail Provost Stockwell, and one of his students who became a teacher and then the director of his writer’s conference, Carol Dougherty.

This book is laid out in eleven sections which are divided into several fairly short topics within the section. Some sections cover broad topics like overcoming writer’s block, developing style, giving words power, and making your writing likeable. But others get into the minutia of grammar, punctuation, and editing. The short pieces on each topic make this book very readable. Since they were so short, I read a handful at a time. But when I read this again, I think I might take one or maybe two at a time and digest them before moving on.

Gary sprinkles succinct but helpful side-by-side good and bad examples to illustrate what he advises.

One aspect of his writing I really appreciated was his saying that his tips are just that: “Tips, not laws” (p. 159). For example:

Never violate a rule of grammar unless you have a good reason, one that improves the writing. But never choose good grammar over good writing. There is nothing virtuous about good grammar that does not work. Your goal is good writing. Good grammar is only one of the tools you use to achieve it (pp. 118-119).

Try to use the active voice. But realize that there are times when you will need to use the passive. If the object of the action is the important thing, then you will want to emphasize it by mentioning it first. When that’s the case, you will use the passive voice (pp. 78-79).

For the past several years, I’ve tried to read at least one book about writing each year, as well as blogs about writing. Much of the information in this book wasn’t new to me, but I benefited from the reminders and the different way of expressing them. Plus, even though I have heard and read many of these things, I certainly haven’t mastered them yet. However, some of the advice touched on subjects we discussed in my last session with my critique group and helped me think through those issues.

I think this book would be an excellent introduction for new writers and a great “refresher course” for more experienced writers.

Look to Jesus

Posted on October 5, 2025 by Barbara Harper

Do you ever hear or even sometimes use a phrase and then one day suddenly wonder, “What exactly does that mean? How do we even do that?”

I thought that recently in regards to “looking to Jesus.” That phrase comes from Hebrews 12:1-2: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Other translations say “fix our eyes on Jesus.” To me, that implies purpose, intention. Some say “keep looking,” which indicates a sustained, continuous look–not a quick glance. According to the Strong definitions at the bottom of this page for the Greek word for “Let us fix our eyes,” it means, “To look away from (something else) to, see distinctly . . . to consider attentively.”

How can we look to Jesus when He is not physically on Earth any more? He wasn’t when Hebrews was written, either, so the author did not have a physical view in mind. Where do we see Him these days? In His Word.

What would that look like in everyday life?

In Isaiah 45:21b-22, God says, “There is no other god besides me, a righteous God and a Savior; there is none besides me. Turn to me and be saved, all the ends of the earth! For I am God, and there is no other.” Some other translations say “Look to me.” The first way we need to look to Him is for salvation. As He said, He is the only true God and Savior. God took on flesh in Jesus and bore all our sins on the cross so that when we turn from our sins and our own self-righteousness and trust in Him as our Savior, we’re forgiven, made a child of God, and given eternal life.

Then we can look to Him as an example.

When harried with a constant stream of people with needs to be met, look to Jesus. He was never impatient. He was compassionate.

When it’s hard to find time alone with God, look to Jesus. He sought creative times and places to spend with His Father. He didn’t get frustrated when people interrupted His prayer time.

When angry and wanting to just let someone have it, look to Jesus. “When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly” (2 Peter 2:23).

When it’s hard to forgive others, look to Jesus. He freely forgave us. He died for us when we were His enemies.

When others are tough to love, look to Jesus. He loved those who had no interest in Him. He loved those who crucified Him.

When it’s difficult to serve others, look to Jesus. When He washed the disciples’ feet, He said He had “given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you” (John 13:15). “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men” (Philippians 5-7).

When you don’t want to give, look to Jesus. “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by his poverty might become rich” (2 Corinthians 8:9).

When people don’t understand you, look to Jesus. His own parents and brothers didn’t always understand Him, nor did the disciples. He patiently kept doing His Father’s will, and eventually understanding dawned for His loved ones.

When storms come, look to Jesus. He was so trustful in His father’s care that He could sleep in a storm-tossed boat.

When God’s will seems hard, look to Jesus. He poured out His heart to His Father and even asked if the cup He was to partake of might be removed. Yet, ultimately He said, “Not my will, but thine be done” (Luke 22:42).

When suffering, look to Jesus. “For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps” (1 Peter 2:21).

But, you say, He’s Jesus. He’s God. He’s sinless. Of course He perfectly trusted and obeyed.

We’re not God and never will be. How does looking to Him help us when we’re so far from what He is?

2 Corinthians 3:18 says, “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”

He’s more than just an example. Somehow, as we behold Him, we’re gradually changed to be more like Him. Colossians 3 talks about putting off the old self and putting on “the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator” (verses 9-10). We put on the new self not just by changing habits, but by being renewed in the knowledge of Him.

As we see the living Word of God (John 1) in the written Word of God, we see His glory, our minds are renewed, and we’re changed to be more like Him.

There’s an old hymn titled “Take Time to Be Holy” by William D. Longstaff. Someone has adapted the words to say “Take Time to Behold Him“–which is how we become holy.

Take time to behold Him,
Speak oft with Thy Lord,
Abide in Him always,
And feed on His Word.
Wait thou in His presence,
Submissive and meek,
Forgetting in nothing
His blessing to seek.

Take time to behold Him,
The world rushes on;
Spend much time in secret
With Jesus alone.
By looking to Jesus
Like Him thou shalt be;
Thy friends, in thy conduct,
His likeness shall see.

Take time to behold Him,
Let Him be thy guide;
And run not before Him
Whatever betide;
In joy or in sorrow
Still follow thy Lord,
And, looking to Jesus,
Still trust in His Word.

Take time to behold Him,
Be calm in thy soul,
Each thought and each temper
Beneath His control.
Thus led by His Spirit
To fountains of love,
Thou then shalt be fitted
His mercy to prove.