Category Archives: Christian Life

“Thy Calvary stills all our questions.”

Posted on by

The following is excerpted from Rose From Brier by Amy Carmichael, a book compiled from letters she wrote to those in the hospital on the Dohnavure compound after she herself had been bedridden and in pain for many years. This is from the chapter “Thy Calvary Stills All Our Questions.”

Yet listen now,
Oh, listen with the wondering olive trees,
And the white moon that looked between the leaves,
And gentle earth that shuddered as she felt
Great drops of blood. All torturing questions find
Answer beneath those old grey olive trees.
There, only there, we can take heart to hope
For all lost lambs – Aye, even for ravening wolves.
Oh, there are things done in the world today
Would root up faith, but for Gethsemane,

For Calvary interprets human life;
No path of pain but there we meet our Lord;
And all the strain, the terror and the strife
Die down like waves before his peaceful word,
And nowhere but beside the awful Cross,
And where the olives grow along the hill,
Can we accept the unexplained, the loss,
The crushing agony – and hold us still.

Children who love their Father know that when He says, “All things work together for good to them that love God,” He must mean the best good, though how that can be they do not know. This is a Why? of a different order from that of the little mosquito. It is immeasurable greater. It strikes at the root of things. Why is pain at all, and such pain? Why did God ask Satan the question which (apparently) suggested to the Evil One to deal so cruelly with an innocent man? Why do the innocent so often suffer? Such questions generally choose a time when we are in keen physical or mental suffering, and may (the questioner hopes will) forget our comfort. They seize us like fierce living things and claw at our very souls.

Between us and a sense of the pain of the world there is usually a gate, a kind of sluice gate. In our unsuffering hours it may be shut fast. Thank God, it is shut fast for tens of millions. But let severe pain come, and it is as though the torture in us touched a secret spring, and the door opens suddenly, and straight upon us pour the lava floods of the woe of a Creation that groans and travails together….

O Lord, why?

…I have read many answers, but none satisfy me. One often given is our Lord’s to St. Peter: “What I do thou knowest not now; but thou shalt know hereafter.” And yet it is not an answer. He is speaking there of something which He Himself is doing, He is not doing this. “Ought not this woman whom Satan hath bound be loosed?” That was always His attitude toward suffering, and so that blessed word is not an answer to this question, and was not meant to be.

There are many poetical answers; one of them satisfied me for a time:

Then answered God to the cry of His world:
“Shall I take away pain,
And with it the power of the soul to endure,
Made strong by the strain?
Shall I take away pity that knits heart to heart,
And sacrifice high?
Will you lose all your heroes that lift from the fire
White brows to the sky?
Shall I take away love, that redeems with a price,
And smiles at its loss?
Can you spare from your lives that would climb unto mine
The Christ on His cross?”

But, though, indeed, we know that pain nobly born strengthens the soul, knits hearts together, leads to unselfish sacrifice (and we could not spare from our lives the Christ of the Cross), yet, when the raw nerve in our own flesh is touched, we know, with a knowledge that penetrates to a place which these words cannot reach, that our question is not answered. It is only pushed farther back, for why should that be the way of strength, and why need hearts be knit together by such sharp knitting needles, and who would not willingly choose relief rather than the pity of the pitiful?

No, beautiful words do not satisfy the soul that is confined in the cell whose very substance is pain. Nor have they any light to shed upon the suffering of the innocent. They are only words. They are not an answer.

What, then, is the answer? I do not know. I believe that it is one of the secret things of the Lord, which will not be opened to us till we see Him who endured the Cross, see the scars in His hands and feet and side, see Him, our Beloved, face to face. I believe that in that revelation of love, which is far past our understanding now, we shall “understand even as all along we have been understood.”

And till then? What does a child do whose mother or father allows something to be done which it cannot understand? There is only one way of peace. It is the child’s way. The loving child trusts.

I believe that we who know our God, and have proved Him good past telling, will find rest there. The faith of the child rests on the character it knows. So may ours, so shall ours. Our Father does not explain, nor does He assure us as we long to be assured… But we know our Father. We know His character. Somehow, somewhere, the wrong must be put right; how we do not know, only we know that, because He is what He is, anything else is inconceivable. For the word sent to the man whose soul was among lions and who was soon to be done to death, unsuccored, though the Lord of Daniel was so near, is fathomless: “And blessed is he whosoever shall not be offended in me.”

There is only one place we can receive, not an answer to our questions, but peace — that place is Calvary. An hour at the foot of the Cross steadies the soul as nothing else can. “O Christ beloved, Thy Calvary stills all our questions.” Love that loves like that can be trusted about this.

Book Review: Peculiar Treasures

Posted on by

I had enjoyed all of Robin Jones Gunn‘s Sisterchicks series, so when I saw a new release from Robin titled Peculiar Treasures, I picked it up.

If I had realized it was a continuation of the Christy Miller series, aimed, I think, at teens and younger women, I probably wouldn’t have picked it up since I am not in that target audience. But I am glad I did. It was a good story, plus it was a reminder of the kinds of things women that age face.

The story opens with Katie’s maid of honor duties at Christy’s wedding. Katie has just finished her junior year of college, has summer school classes, a part-time job, an “almost boyfriend,” an almost-rival, an offer for a new job and level of responsibility, questions about her major and direction in life, hurts from the lack of involvement and care from her parents an incredibly busy senior year ahead, and adjustments to make as one friend has just gotten married, another friend and her husband are expecting their first child, and another friend is out of the country.

How did any of us ever survive that time of life?

But Katie survives and thrives, growing and learning along the way with grace and humor.

I think this book is not only good for women in this age group but also for any of us who have women in this age group in our lives. It’s a good reminder for those looking back and an encouragement for those looking ahead that God’s grace is sufficient for even the busiest seasons of life.

Book Review: Mistaken Identity

Posted on by

I had seen the book Mistaken Identity on bookshelves, but hadn’t really looked at it. I thought it was fiction, and I had read other fiction books with a mistaken identity plot line, and, though they were interesting reads, there was still an air of unreality about them. This couldn’t really happen, at least not to this extent where closest family members are mistaken.

But it can. And it did.

I caught an interview with the families on one of the evening news magazine programs, and my heart was knit to theirs as their faith shined through their tragedies. I then went out and bought the book as soon as possible.

Laura Van Ryn and Whitney Cerak were among several university students riding in a van back to school after working at a banquet when they were all involved in a horrific accident. Five people died, and Laura was taken to the hospital with several broken bones and a traumatic brain injury. Only it wasn’t Laura: it was Whitney. She was misidentified based on a nearby purse with Laura’s driver’s license in it. Though at first glance the girls look different enough to tell apart, when you look at individual features, they share an uncanny resemblance. Laura’s family had no reason to believe this girl was not Laura, and all the little inconsistencies could be explained by the accident (calling her sister by four different names, for instance, was consistent with the type of brain injury she had). Whitney’s family had chosen not to see her body; they wanted to remember her as she was.

It was not until five weeks later, when Whitney was able to communicate a little more clearly, that they realized she had been misidentified. The Ceraks were at first unbelieving but then overjoyed to find their daughter alive while the Van Ryns had to come to terms with their daughter’s death, and they all had to deal with unwelcome media attention during these events.

What touched my heart even more than their stories was the way their faith was evident at every turn. The Scriptures shared at various junctures perfectly upheld them, though of course it did not take away from the pain they experienced. Their grace in dealing each each other, the truck driver who caused the accident, and everyone along the way is evidence of God’s grace in their lives.

In Isobel Kuhn’s book, In the Arena, she quotes I Corinthians 4:9 (“For I think that God hath set forth us the apostles last, as it were appointed to death: for we are made a spectacle unto the world, and to angels, and to men”) and explains that Paul probably had in mind the Roman arena where Christians were thrown in to be devoured by wild animals. Our trials great and small can have multiple purposes, but, she says, one of them surely is to reveal God, His power, character, and grace as it is worked out in His people’s lives (not only to people, both believers and unbelievers, but to “principalities and powers in heavenly places“) . I often think of that when I hear news stories that have captivated the nation and then find out that the people involved are Christians.

One of the paragraphs that most grabbed me was a journal entry by Carly, Whitney’s sister, before she knew that Whitney was still alive:

Death is Satan’s greatest way to attack this world. Amazingly, then God takes what Satan uses to attack us and uses it to bring us together and reveal Himself the most. Through Satan’s greatest strength, God’s power still overcomes and is stronger.

I had never thought of death in that way, but it is so true that even at Satan’s strongest point, God overcame not only to resurrect those who have died but to provide immeasurable comfort to those who are left behind.

I highly recommend this book to you.

With all our feebleness

Posted on by

Two glad services are ours,
Both the Master loves to bless.
First we serve with all our powers —
Then with all our feebleness.

Nothing else the soul uplifts
Save to serve Him night and day,
Serve Him when He gives His gifts —
Serve Him when He takes away.

C. A. Fox

With my mother-in-law’s moving here plus my husband and I both reaching the half-century mark, I have been thinking a lot about aging and the decline of our strength and abilities. And though originally this post was just going to be about aging, I realized many of the principles also apply to those who are affected by illness or injury.

I discovered the above poem in Amy Carmichael of Dohnavur by Frank. L. Houghton preceding the last section of the book which told about Amy’s final years. After spending most of her adult life as a missionary in India, she suffered a fall which rendered her an invalid for twenty years. She remained in India. It is remarkable that these days most mission boards would send an invalid missionary home, yet Amy continued to have a ministry there.

In the early days after my TM diagnosis, though I wasn’t a complete invalid, in my “down” times I would think of the word “invalid,” meaning someone who is ill to the point of not being able to function, and change the accent to the second syllable to mean something that is not longer valid, or in other words, useless. Invalids can feel invalid. But they are not. God has a purpose for every person on the planet.

Our culture tends to glorify youth and vigor. But “God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty” (I Corinthians 1:27) and to showcase His strength (II Corinthians 12:8-10).

Elisabeth Elliot wrote in A Lamp For My Feet:

But my limitations, placing me in a different category from… anyone else’s, become, in the sovereignty of God, gifts. For it is with the equipment that I have been given that I am to glorify God. It is this job, not that one, that He gave me.

For some, the limitations are not intellectual but physical. The same truth applies. Within the context of their suffering, with whatever strength they have, be it ever so small, they are to glorify God. The apostle Paul actually claimed that he “gloried” in infirmities, because it was there that the power of Christ was made known to him.

If we regard each limitation which we are conscious of today as a gift–that is, as one of the terms of our particular service to the Master–we won’t complain or pity or excuse ourselves. We will rather offer up those gifts as a sacrifice, with thanksgiving.

I used to think, “Lord, I could serve you so much better without these problems.” But it’s as if He were saying, “No, this is what I am using to shape your service for Me.” As life changes, either through illness or aging, we need not lament what we can’t do any more. We can seek God’s will for what to do now.

As I wrote earlier, sometimes God’s purpose for our decline is that other people might learn and grow by ministering to us. This is hard to accept, because we don’t want to trouble them, we don’t want to be an inconvenience, we don’t want to need that kind of help. But graciously accepting that kind of help can be an example and a blessing to others.

My mother-in-law and I were discussing some of the…indignities of aging and wondering why the Lord allowed people to have to go through those kinds of things. Of course, our bodies are affected by the effects of the Fall of man and the entrance of sin in the world, one of those effects being decline and death. But years ago I heard one preacher say that our bodies fall apart as we age to make us willing to let loose of them. We have such a strong instinct of self-preservation, of wanting to live to see our children grow up, then our grandchildren, etc. But God can use the gradual decline of our bodies and their functions in order to wean us away from this world, to remind us that this body is just a temporary tabernacle, and to set our minds on getting ready for heaven.

Titus 2:3-5 tells us that older women are to teach the younger a multitude of things. I don’t think this always has to be in a classroom setting. It can be, in our culture, but at the time it was written there probably were not such things as seminars and retreats for women. But by their example and specific opportunities to say a word or give a testimony or share something learned along the way of life, older women can both teach and model those characteristics mentioned in Titus.

Psalm 71:16-18 says, “I will go in the strength of the Lord GOD: I will make mention of thy righteousness, even of thine only. O God, thou hast taught me from my youth: and hitherto have I declared thy wondrous works. Now also when I am old and greyheaded, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is to come.”

That’s our ultimate purpose: to show forth His strength and His power.

Psalm 78:2-8:

2 I will open my mouth in a parable: I will utter dark sayings of old:

3 Which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us.

4 We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done.

5 For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children:

6 That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children:

7 That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments:

8 And might not be as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not stedfast with God.

Tone makes a difference

Posted on by

Recently I came across something written by a woman for women for the purpose of helping women, the content of which was excellent, but the tone was quite harsh.

I don’t know about other people, but a harsh tone tends to put me off and make the message hard to receive even when I know it is good. What does tend to draw me in is a coming-alongside, desiring-to-help attitude.

I don’t mean that we should be namby-pamby, cowardly, and spineless, or sacrifice truth under the guise of “love.” I know some of the prophets in Scripture could seem pretty harsh in their denunciations. But some of the tenderest expressions of God’s love and care are also found in those messages from the prophets. “The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee” (Jeremiah 31:3) and “Is Ephraim my dear son? is he a pleasant child? for since I spake against him, I do earnestly remember him still: therefore my bowels are troubled for him; I will surely have mercy upon him, saith the LORD” (Jeremiah 31:20) are just a couple.

I know in my own life, before salvation, realizing that I deserved hell all made me see my need. And though perhaps it was the fear of hell that drove me to seek deliverance, it was the grace and love of God that drew me to Him. Since then, holding up the standard of God’s Word and the realization that I have missed the mark and that I need to get something right with Him convicts me, but the knowledge that “we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities” and the invitation to therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 15:16) draws me.

One of my children in particular who seemed most to “need,” by his actions, scolding and reprimand, would just close up and withdraw when I “let him have it” verbally. It not only didn’t change his behavior, it put a wall between us. I had to learn to balance dealing with the issue and showing love, care and concern. Other times a harsh scolding produces a defensive reaction.

I also had to learn that exasperation (which can often lead to that kind of harsh attitude) is often a fleshly response: I’m irritated that this is still going on, that I have to deal with it again, that the child doesn’t “know better” and hasn’t “gotten” it by now. How unlike God, whose mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). How unlike the “wisdom that is from above” which “is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy” (James 3:17).

We need to be careful, too, in any kind of mentoring situation that we don’t approach it with an eye-rolling, exasperated, “Young people these days!” kind of attitude. That is sure to turn others off to any good we might want to do them. And we need to remember the purpose: when we have to deal with an issue, whether with a child, an employee, a committee member, or the general public in a book, blog, or talk, the purpose for dealing with the issue is not just to “get it off our chests.” That’s one sure way to come across as “scolding.” The purpose is to get them to see the importance of the issue and to change, not for our personal satisfaction, but for the stake of the truth we’re presenting.

Once I was listening to a sermon on the radio from a local pastor. I knew of him, I had read his books, I agreed with what he was preaching…yet at the end of it, something bothered me, and I couldn’t figure out what at first. Then I realized his main message, hammered over and over, was, “You need to get right.” Nothing wrong with that message: we do. But my own pastor at the time, whose ministry I was under for over fourteen years, would have said, “We need to get right” and then “There’s hope: here’s how to get right.” Though my pastor was one of the godliest men I have ever known, he, like Daniel (Daniel 9:1-19) and Ezra (Ezra 9), though they had not participated in Israel’s sin, yet they took their place with Israel and confessed the sins of the nation as though they were their own. I think that attitude of a fellow sinner helping sinners will help our message come across more compassionately.

We’ve all been under different kinds of authority figure in our lives and know what is it to have an infraction dealt with in such a way that we’re left hurt, deflated, discouraged, or angry, or, on the other hand, inspired to want to do right and to make restoration.

Of course, we’re responsible for the truth we hear no matter what tone or form it comes in. When we stand before God to give account of our lives, the excuse that we didn’t like how so-and-so delivered the message won’t hold up as a reason for not obeying it. If we are on the receiving end of a message with a harsh or scolding attitude, we still need to hear and apply and respond to the truth in the way the Lord would have for us to. But when we are sharing truth in any venue, let us remember to “Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time. Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man” (Colossians 4:5). The salt — the truth — is needed, but don’t forget the wisdom and the grace.

I’b gotda hed code

Posted on by

Translation: I’ve got a head cold.

Which wouldn’t be too big of a deal…

Except that one of the out-of-my -comfort-zone opportunities I alluded to the other day is giving the devotional at a baby shower. Tomorrow night!

So I am going to lay low and rest today in hopes that the worst will be over by then and I won’t be hacking and dripping (and contaminating everyone in the same air pocket) while trying to say something helpful.

I did learn, after TM, that resting seems to be the best way to fight off these things. Right at first, any kind of illness or infection exacerbated the TM symptoms and wiped out my already-low stamina, and about all I could do was rest. But I discovered I got over colds a lot more quickly than when I felt I had to push myself to soldier through as I used to. Sometimes you just have to do that, but I’ve noticed that people who do that routinely seem to have lingering effects for a long time. I can’t take decongestants due to a propensity for SVTs. So, rest it is.

I was hoping to have some rare hours alone today to work out what I was going to say at the shower, but that seems to have fallen through. I’ve had several ideas running through my head, though — I just need to get them down in hopefully coherent fashion. And probably trim them. I tend to be wordy anyway, and after 23 years of being a mom, I could probably run on and on, but I’m sure that wouldn’t be beneficial.

Not that I am an expert on being a mom. One of my first reactions when asked to do this was to become acutely aware of my faults and my children’s. But…if God only used perfect people…nothing would ever get done. So I am trusting this opportunity is from Him and that He will enable it to be a blessing.

My initial reaction when asked to do this was…fear. I am much more comfortable writing, where there is more time to reflect, rewrite, delete — and no one is looking at you. 🙂  When I see that panic-stricken look on ladies’ faces when I ask them to share a testimony or give a devotional or serve on a panel at a ladies’ meeting, I encourage them that it’s a friendly audience, that no one is going to throw tomatoes, that people there want to hear what they have to say. I don’t always say this, but, as I said here, sometimes God wants to lure us out of our comfort zones (just ask Moses) to use us in some way and to demonstrate His power and ability and enabling. So…I figured I had better practice what I preach.

It seems like every effort at serving the Lord, though, is met with obstacles. Whether that’s “just the way life is” or whether it is the enemy’s efforts or further character-building from the Lord, I don’t know. I just know things always tend to come up at those times and usually at some point in the process I tell myself I am never doing this again. I have learned in other venues, like the ladies’ luncheons, to just know that that’s part of it and take it in stride. Or try to.

Meanwhile, I am reposting my “Ode to a Summer Cold” written and posted last June. It’s not summer yet…but it’s close enough.

To the tune of “Do Your Ears Hang Low?”

Oh, my nose, it runs
At most inconvenient times
Leaving overflowing trash cans
Filled with tissues full of slime.
It’s become a drip-o-matic.
My condition still is static!
Oh, my nose, it runs.

Oh, my head is filled
With such pressures in my sinus
And such fogginess of brain.
And my energy is minus.
Who’d have thought a simple head cold
Could cause scheduling to implode?
I’m ready for a nap.

“You can’t say ‘no’ until you pray about it”

Posted on by

I am “rerunning” this post because…I need it! Yesterday I received an e-mail asking me to do something way beyond my comfort zone, and then in the afternoon I got a phone call along the same lines but a bigger and scarier opportunity. My first inward response was panic and the thought, “Who, me?!” So many other people would do a better job. But the principle in this post had been instilled in me. Plus I have been somewhat dismayed when I’ve asked someone to do something ministry-related and received a panic-stricken “no” as an answer when I had hoped that they would give God a chance to help them and work through them.

This was originally posted Feb. 21, 2007, so some of my newer readers might not have seen it, and it is something I need to remind myself of often.

Any article or book you read or talk you hear about managing time will include this point: you have to be willing to say no to some activities. Especially in this day and age when opportunities to do things or have your kids involved in things abound on every hand, sometimes we just have to put our foot down and say “No” to maintain our sanity and keep some kind of reasonable schedule.

On the other hand……sometimes we say no without really considering what the Lord would have us do. All we know is that we can’t take on another thing.

Some years ago I was on a committee of ladies at church who took turns putting up bulletin boards to highlight 2-3 of our missionaries at a time each month. This committee was a part of the Ladies Missionary Prayer Group at that church. At that point in time they elected officers every year, and at one fall meeting, the president told us that that nominations had been made for the following year and the officers would be contacting those ladies who had been nominated to let them know and find out if they were willing and able to accept. She then said with a smile, “You can’t say no until you pray about it.”

Well, Debbie, the officer over that committee, told me I had been nominated for that office. My first response was, “But….I’ve been waiting all year to get off this committee!” That was not very encouraging to Debbie, I’m sure. ) But I just didn’t feel the liberty to say no, so I said yes. A week or two or so later Debbie came to me and told me that the other nominees had not accepted, and therefore I was “it.” She remarked that that must have been the Lord’s will. I responded, “No…the other ladies are out of the Lord’s will for not accepting the nomination.” I was so spiritually-minded, wasn’t I? I think she thought I was teasing, or else she would have rethought my nomination.

I did fulfill that year, and even though bulletin boards are not my forte, I really saw the Lord give some great ideas and some great people to help on the committee. I learned something about leadership. I learned to seek Him when frustrated because I couldn’t find help. I learned about the ups and downs of working with people. I don’t know if I can say I “enjoyed” that year, but I did learn a lot and I grew spiritually and as a person.

A few years later when an opportunity came along that was more scary and involved more work, I was able to face it with the confidence that if the Lord wanted me to do it, He would enable me. And He did, marvelously.

For a while I went too far the other way, thinking that anything that anyone in the church asked me to do must be from the Lord. ) We can get in over our heads really quickly that way.

Since then there have been times I have felt completely free to say no and have seen the Lord bring in someone else for that opportunity who did a wonderful job, much better than I would have done if I had taken it out of a sense of duty.

But the important thing is to pray over it first, before you decide it’s out of your comfort zone or that you don’t have the time or the skills. Sometimes the Lord delights in pulling out of our comfort zone and into dependence on Him for the abilities and the time. Sometimes He wants us to lay something else aside to do what He wants us to. Look in Scripture at people who were happily minding their own business when God came to them with something He wanted them to do (Moses, Noah, Peter, Paul) and think not only what history would be like, but what their lives would have been if they had said no.

Mentoring women

Posted on by

As Christian women, we get our instructions for mentoring from Titus 2:3-5:

3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Other versions use the word “older” rather than “aged,” which sounds a little kinder to our 21st century ears. 🙂 One problem with mentoring, though, is that many older women hesitate to obey this command for a couple of reasons. For one, many don’t want to consider themselves in the “older” or “aged” category. And many don’t feel qualified because they feel they are not perfect in any of these areas and feel the need of instruction themselves: that was the common response recently when I was trying to find ladies to serve on a panel discussion about loving our husbands.

As I see it, we’re all older than someone. And if we have walked with the Lord for any length of time at all, we should be able to share something of what He has taught us along the way. No, we won’t be perfect in any area, but in a sense that helps with our mentoring. People need instruction and examples for how to deal with their faults and failures, and a person who admits to them has a little more credibility than someone who comes across as having “arrived.”

However, the character of the one mentoring does need to be the kind that “becomes holiness.” While we’re not sinless, and we need to confess often our faults to the Lord, on the other hand, as a general character and lifestyle, if we haven’t walked with the Lord and learned ourselves in these areas, we don’t have anything to teach anyone else anyway and wouldn’t be heeded if we tried. The rest of verse 4 indicates that a mentor must have a certain amount of self-control both in lifestyle and in speech. The NASB renders “false accusers” as “malicious gossips.” The NKJV says “slanderers.” No lady would want to pour out her heart and ask advice from someone who might then share what she has said with others.

How is mentoring best done? This is something I’ve asked many people through the years. There are several ways:

1. Formal instruction

When we hear the word “teach” we immediately think of classroom-type instruction. I don’t think that was specifically what Paul had in mind: I don’t know that they had classes for women in those days. But we do have classes, seminars, retreats and such in our day and culture that are beneficial. One former church we were members of had two-day conferences for women once every few years and once a year or so would disband their regular adult Sunday School classes to have separate classes for the men and women, and different ladies in the church would teach on these kinds of topics. It was something I looked forward to every year.

2. One-on-one arranged relationships

I have know some churches that had women who were interested in a one-on-one mentoring relationship sign up, and then someone paired up an older woman with a younger woman. The advantages of this kind of set-up would be in greater personal instruction and having someone to ask questions of. The disadvantages I can see would be the awkwardness of asking personal questions of someone you don’t have a personal relationship with and the danger of not really meshing with the person you’re assigned to, but I suppose those thing could be worked out over time.

I have heard of a younger woman who asked an older woman to be her “mentor” — I think they met together to talk and pray, and the younger woman asked the older questions about how she had devotions and such. One friend of mine was advised to choose one lady she was comfortable with and to ask advice of just that one lady. One advantage to that is that you wouldn’t get conflicting advice. That was a hard thing for me particularly as a young mother, when two older ladies who I loved and respected would give the exact opposite advice. I eventually learned to “glean” — to listen kindly and then pick through the advice to find what would most seem to “fit” my family, and leave the rest. But I would have had trouble picking just one woman, though that might have been beneficial to some. I know that often when I was struggling in some area or frustrated and wanting to know what to do, the Lord would put me in contact with some lady who sometimes even by a seemingly chance remark would give me just the bit of wisdom I needed at the moment.

3. Hospitality

When I was a saved teen in an unsaved home, another family in church invited me over often. Though they never formally instructed me (aside from including me in family devotions), I learned much from being around them and seeing how a Christian family interacted. The wife and mother was a great example to me in every way — in her submission to her husband, in her example as a mom, in her homemaking and meal-preparation skills, yet I don’t think she consciously had me over for the specific purpose of being an example to me.

4) Interaction

Times like bridal and baby showers, working in the nursery, setting up or cleaning up for a function, going to ladies’ meetings, fellowships, etc., were great times to mix and talk with other women as I was “growing up” as a lady. Sometimes if a question or problem cropped up, I’d ask some of them, but mostly it was still kind of an observing and absorbing of their spirit and example. Especially when I was approaching marriage, looking forward to having children, and then having them, I watched and “gleaned.” In more recent years my observing has been more along the lines of noticing godly behavior, being convicted, and asking the Lord to change me in those areas.

5) Writing

I have been ministered to, instructed, rebuked, and encouraged many times over the years by reading books written by godly women and, in more recent times, blogs.

I didn’t list family relationships, but that would be the most obvious avenue of an older lady teaching a younger one. Of course. not all ladies have mothers who are alive or who are Christians, and many live away from their parents after they marry. Even with a godly, accessible mother nearby, most of us could still use example and instruction from other godly women.

In Elisabeth’s Elliot’s book Keep a Quiet Heart, one very helpful chapter is titled “A Call to Older Women.” Here is one paragraph from it:

I think of the vast number of older women today. The Statistical Abstract of the United States for 1980 says that 19.5 percent of the population was between ages 45-65, but by 2000 it will be 22.9 percent. Assuming that half of those people are women, what a pool of energy and power for God they might be. We live longer now than we did forty years ago (the same volume says that the over-sixty-fives will increase from 11.3 percent to 13 percent). There is more mobility, more money around, more leisure, more health and strength–resources which, if put at God’s disposal, might bless younger women. But there are also many more ways to spend those resources, so we find it very easy to occupy ourselves selfishly. Where are the women, single or married, willing to hear God’s call to spiritual motherhood, taking spiritual daughters under their wings to school them as Mom Cunningham did me? She had no training the world would recognize. She had no thought of such. She simply loved God and was willing to be broken bread and poured-out wine for His sake. Retirement never crossed her mind.

So how does one going about being a mentor or “spiritual mother” to other ladies? Pray first and seek how the Lord would have you go about it. After that, the biggest thing is just to be sensitive and available. Perhaps a new mom could use some help around the house or a few hours to herself while someone capable watches the children; perhaps you could write notes of encouragement to others or have a couple of ladies over for lunch. Even just going and talking to a younger lady at a fellowship or meeting instead of finding a friend is a start. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a formal arrangement with one particular lady, though some prefer that. As I mentioned earlier, often through the years just in the course of ordinary church life, the Lord would send someone with a “word in due season” that was just what I needed at the time.

One thing older women have to watch out for, however, is crossing over the line into being busybodies. I knew of one older lady who told one young mother of seven that she was having too many children and another young wife who was planning to wait to have children til her husband was through seminary that she needed to get started on her family. It is no wonder that she caused hurt feelings rather than helping or ministering to anyone.

Though older women need to be aware of this Scriptural admonition and to seek God’s wisdom in going about obeying it, the other side of the coin is that younger women need to be willing to be taught, and part of that involves just spending time with each other. A lot of times we tend to gravitate to our own age groups, which is natural, but it’s good to get out of our comfort zone and get to know ladies of all ages. I have learned a lot from other ladies just by being around them and watching and listening to them, but sometimes I’ve felt led to ask specific questions. If you’re a younger lady who would like some “spiritual mothering,” ask the Lord to guide someone to you and take time to get to know some of the older ladies in your church. I feel sure that you’ll find someone whom you can look up to and learn from, but if not (and even if you do and would like to supplement your learning), reading good books is another way to gain from the wisdom of those who have gone before.

So just what does “judge not” mean anyway?

Posted on by

I’ve been thinking lately of the differences and similarities between judgment, discernment, and criticism. I hope one day to get those “stray thoughts” out in black and white so as to examine them a little better. But over the past several years I have been distressed to see Christians regarding judgment in a way that I don’t think is entirely biblical. “Judge not, that ye be not judged” (Matthew 7:1) seems to be some people’s best known Bible verse. But what does it mean exactly? I can’t say I know 100%, but I do know a few things it doesn’t mean.

1. “Judge not” doesn’t mean we never say anything to someone about their sin.

How do I know that? Well, the rest of that passage in Matthew and the parallel in Luke 6:37 talk about taking the beam, or big log (or big obvious sin or fault) out of your own eye before taking the mote (or little speck or smaller fault or sin) out of your brother’s eye. But notice it doesn’t say to ignore the speck in your brother’s eye – it says to exercise judgment on yourself first. Then, it says in Luke 6:42 and Matthew 7:5, you can see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” Proverbs 25:12 says, “As an earring of gold, and an ornament of fine gold, so is a wise reprover upon an obedient ear.” Galatians 6:1 says, “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.” There are numerous other verses about confronting others with their sin. If someone comes to us about a problem they see in our lives, our first response should not be, “You’re not supposed to judge me!” We should take what they say before the Lord and examine ourselves in light of Scripture to see if what has been said has merit.

2. It doesn’t mean we never talk about anyone else’s sin.

How do I know that? In the inspired Scripture, the apostle Paul speaks of others’ sins and even calls those people by name. “Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world” (II Timothy 4:10a). “Holding faith, and a good conscience; which some having put away concerning faith have made shipwreck: Of whom is Hymenaeus and Alexander; whom I have delivered unto Satan, that they may learn not to blaspheme” (I Timothy 1:19-20). “Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil: the Lord reward him according to his works: Of whom be thou ware also; for he hath greatly withstood our words” (II Timothy 4:14-15). He speaks of rebuking Peter in Galatians 2. Other biblical writers speak of other people’s sin as well: see the Old Testament prophets, Jude, II Peter 2, II John 2:18-19, III John 1:9-10 (“I wrote unto the church: but Diotrephes, who loveth to have the preeminence among them, receiveth us not. Wherefore, if I come, I will remember his deeds which he doeth, prating against us with malicious words: and not content therewith, neither doth he himself receive the brethren, and forbiddeth them that would, and casteth them out of the church.”)

The Bible does warn against backbiting and gossip. So what is the difference between this kind of public pointing out of sin and gossiping? The main difference seems to be motive. Scriptural discussion of other people’s sin seems to be primarily for the purpose of warning others.

So then what does “judge not” mean? In context the passage seems to be saying to be careful because however you judge other people is how you will be judged.

Discernment is a must in the Christian life. Hebrews 5:14 speaks of “those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.” We need to be able to use our senses to look at doctrines and actions to determine whether they are biblically right or wrong. I hear “judge not” most commonly misapplied in the area of discussing movements or trends or popular preaching or teaching in Christendom, but I think that is an area where Paul and other New Testament writers may exercise the most discernment.

Some of the principles of exercising judgment that we can glean from the passages mentioned so far are: examine yourself and take care of your own sins before dealing with anyone else’s (Matt. 7:1, Luke 6:37); approach another person about their sin with a spirit of meekness and a desire to restore them to a right walk (Gal. 6:1); examine your motives: personal satisfaction in tearing down someone else, the perverted thrill of being “in the know” and wanting to share the knowledge of someone’s else’s sin, pride and self-righteousness are all wrong motives and are probably the wrong kind of judging that is being discussed or the dividing line between discernment and judgment. Other biblical principles are: don’t judge where there is room for differences of opinion (Romans 14); don’t judge someone else’s motives when you don’t know their heart (John 7:1-24, especially verse 24); don’t be a ” busybody in other men’s matters” (I Peter 4:15; see also II Thessalonians 3:11 and I Timothy 5:13); if someone has sinned against you personally, go to them privately before saying anything to anyone else about it (Matthew 18:15-20); don’t be hasty in your judgment (Proverbs 29:20, James 1:19-20).

I’d be interested in your thoughts about what “judge not” means – based on biblical interpretation rather than just “I think…” or “I feel…” statements.

I need to remind myself of this often.

Posted on by

You can’t have it all. You are not there to do yourself a favor. You may not have it your way. You opted out of all that when you made up your mind to follow a Master who himself had relinquished all rights, all equality with the Father, and his own will as well. You are called not to be served but to serve, and you can’t serve two masters. You can’t operate in two opposing kingdoms. These kingdoms are the alternatives. Settle it once for all. It is, quite simply, a life and-death choice.

E. Elliot, On Asking God Why

Matthew 16:24: Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.