Category Archives: Christian Life

The means of change

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Recently, as happens so often, I came face to face with an issue involving my own selfishness.

After confessing such incidents to the Lord, I tend to have a couple of responses. One is to just acknowledge it as one of my “besetting sins” and to forget about it until the next time. Yet deep down I know that’s just an excuse.

Another response is to decide I need to make a plan of action. That’s not bad in itself, but it usually fizzles out like New Year’s resolutions.

I may even decide to look up and meditate on various Scripture verses on the subject at hand. That’s a good response as far as it goes. Romans 12:2 tells us we’re transformed by the renewing of our minds, and one way we do that is by changing our thinking, lining it up with what God’s Word says, putting specific Scriptures in our minds that the Holy Spirit can then use to remind us.

But my problem isn’t just isolated individual sins. It’s a nature that is totally and completely self-focused, self-serving, self-promoting, self-loving. Though we receive a new nature when we become Christians, that old one is still there and will be til we get to heaven. How do we resist that constant pull? How can our new nature grow and become more like Christ?

II Corinthians 3:18: But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.

Beholding His glory….how little we do that. How often do we approach the Scripture just to fulfill our quota of Bible reading for the day, or even just to “get something” to carry us through the day?

We need to — I need to — remember to seek Him in the Scriptures, to behold His glory. Sometimes a study of His attributes would be more helpful than just studying about my particular sin, though both are necessary.

I read a quote once in a missionary biography (I haven’t been able to find it again: I thought it was Rosalind Goforth’s, but I didn’t see it in my last reading) that this particular person was having a hard time being loving. For years she constantly looked at herself and her lack of love and told herself over and over that she needed to be more loving. Yet she didn’t grow in love, only in discouragement. She began to meditate on God’s love for her…and without even realizing it, she began to slowly change to the point where others commented to her husband on the change in her.

We know what it is to gaze on an object of love. We smile indulgently at a young couple’s doe-eyed peering at each other. We understand a mother’s loving, wondering gaze of her new baby. We love to behold and contemplate the beauty of a perfect rose or a masterful painting.

How much more should we behold the One who loves us most, who is more beautiful than anything we can imagine, who is perfect holiness and righteousness.

Exodus 33:18-23; 34: 5-6:

And [Moses] said, I beseech thee, shew me thy glory.

And he said, I will make all my goodness pass before thee, and I will proclaim the name of the LORD before thee; and will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will shew mercy on whom I will shew mercy.

And he said, Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live.

And the LORD said, Behold, there is a place by me, and thou shalt stand upon a rock:

And it shall come to pass, while my glory passeth by, that I will put thee in a clift of the rock, and will cover thee with my hand while I pass by:

And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen.

And the LORD descended in the cloud, and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the LORD.

And the LORD passed by before him, and proclaimed, The LORD, The LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth…

One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple. Psalm 27:4.

May that be our desire as well.

Psalm Sunday: Psalm 59

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Psalms Sundays are hosted by Erica of Butterfly Kisses. 

Prayer for Deliverance from Enemies.
For the choir director; set to Al-tashheth. A Mikhtam of David, when Saul sent men and they watched the house in order to kill him.

1 Deliver me from mine enemies, O my God: defend me from them that rise up against me.

2 Deliver me from the workers of iniquity, and save me from bloody men.

3 For, lo, they lie in wait for my soul: the mighty are gathered against me; not for my transgression, nor for my sin, O LORD.

4 They run and prepare themselves without my fault: awake to help me, and behold.

5 Thou therefore, O LORD God of hosts, the God of Israel, awake to visit all the heathen: be not merciful to any wicked transgressors. Selah.

6 They return at evening: they make a noise like a dog, and go round about the city.

7 Behold, they belch out with their mouth: swords are in their lips: for who, say they, doth hear?

8 But thou, O LORD, shalt laugh at them; thou shalt have all the heathen in derision.

9 Because of his strength will I wait upon thee: for God is my defence.

10 The God of my mercy shall prevent me: God shall let me see my desire upon mine enemies.

11 Slay them not, lest my people forget: scatter them by thy power; and bring them down, O Lord our shield.

12 For the sin of their mouth and the words of their lips let them even be taken in their pride: and for cursing and lying which they speak.

13 Consume them in wrath, consume them, that they may not be: and let them know that God ruleth in Jacob unto the ends of the earth. Selah.

14 And at evening let them return; and let them make a noise like a dog, and go round about the city.

15 Let them wander up and down for meat, and grudge if they be not satisfied.

16 But I will sing of thy power; yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning: for thou hast been my defence and refuge in the day of my trouble.

17 Unto thee, O my strength, will I sing: for God is my defence, and the God of my mercy.

Once again David is beseeching God for protection from very real enemies sent to watch his house in order to kill him, and once again, though few of us have been in that exact situation, we can draw from David’s experience.

I don’t think it’s at all hard to understand that his first words here are cries for deliverance. They remind me of Peter’s cry: “Lord, save me.” When we’re in dire straits we get right down to business.

In many of David’s psalms he either acknowledges that his sins are causing his problems and confesses them or, as in this one, he proclaims his innocence. He was close enough in his relationship to God to know the difference between chastening or an outside attack. It’s good for us to examine our hearts with the Lord’s help and confess any sin there. But sometimes we do face an enemy’s unprovoked attack, and we can go to the Lord with a clean conscience.

One aspect of the Psalms I have a hard time reconciling is the imprecatory nature of some of David’s prayers, calling for God’s judgment against his enemies. One thing to remember is that this era was a different dispensation: the New Testament teachings about loving your enemy weren’t written yet (although one or two proverbs foreshadow them). Another aspect is that every person has an opportunity to respond to God’s grace, but if they continue in their own ways, they will face His judgment. We think of that judgment coming most often at the end of life when we stand before God, but certainly many times in the Bible people faced His judgment during the course of their own lives. Sometimes it brings them to repentance; sometimes it serves as a warning to others. I have prayed that certain national enemies would be saved and brought to repentance, but asked the Lord, if He knows they won’t come to that point, to take them out so they won’t cause any more trouble. I’d be interested to hear whether others interpret or apply this differently.

Of course, since I don’t have personal enemies in the same sense as David did, I tend to apply these verses to mankind’s greatest enemy, Satan.

My two favorite parts of the Psalm and the parts that minister to and remain with me are verses 9, 16, and 17:

Because of his strength will I wait upon thee: for God is my defence.

But I will sing of thy power; yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning: for thou hast been my defence and refuge in the day of my trouble.

Unto thee, O my strength, will I sing: for God is my defence, and the God of my mercy.

Satan is stronger than we are, but he that is in us is stronger than him. We can praise God for His deliverance, defense. power, strength, mercy, and refuge.

Book Review: SAHM I Am

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sahm-i-am.jpgI had seen SAHM I Am by Meredith Efken mentioned on several blogs and wanted to check it out, so when I saw it on our local Christian bookstore’s inventory sell-out table, I grabbed it right up (along with enough other books to keep me occupied for a long time!)

I think most people know this, but just in case, SAHM is an Internet acronym for “Stay at Home Mom.”  This book is about a number of SAHMs who are are on an e-mail chat loop to encourage each other. Anyone who has been on such a subscriber list or forum or chat group will chuckle at some of the changes typical of those groups, such as a warning from a moderator about not posting short two-word responses that clutter up the exchange, followed by one message saying “I’m sorry” and another saying, “Me, too!”

The book is written in the style of these e-mail exchanges between members. When I started, I wasn’t sure the style would work without narration or chapter divisions, but once I got into it, it wasn’t a problem.

There are many women on the loop but the book concentrates on a handful: Rosalyn, the “perfect” over-achieving moderator; Dulcie, whose husband’s work takes him out of town the majority of the time; free-spirited artsy-mom Zelia; farmer’s wife who had been a teen mom Brenna, who is having trouble conceiving another child; pastor’s wife Phyllis whose past comes back to haunt her; and soccer mom Jocelyn who is concerned that her son’s aches and pains may be something serious.

The characters are well-drawn and the exchanges believable. I did think Rosalyn was a bit over-the-top, but it’s interesting to discern what drives her. There’s a sub group of some of these moms who I thought were a bit on the gossipy side when talking about Rosalyn. When asked why they stayed with the group if her attitude bothered them, Dulcie says, “Because when her perfect world comes crashing down she will need us to help her pick up the pieces.” That was a rebuke to me: often I tend to just stay away from people I don’t readily mesh with, but it’s better to realize they have their own problems and need support and encouragement, too.

The book is frank about the struggles and temptations and SAHMs with humor sprinkled throughout. I think it would be an encouragement to other SAHMs.

Another book I picked up from that clearance table was a sequel to this one, @ Home For the Holidays. I can’t decide if I want to read it now while the charcters are still fresh in my mind or save it for next December.

The Back Burner

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One of the few articles I’ve had published is the following. It appeared in Frontline magazine’s July-August 2005 issue. It’s been on my heart again because I think it is something that mothers wrestle with a lot. I wrote to Frontline asking permission to reprint the article here, which they granted.

The Back Burner

Every mother, particularly one who has very small children, can get discouraged sometimes. Even though a woman has looked forward to being a mother all her life and delights in her child, there are those days when she feels she is accomplishing nothing beyond wiping noses and changing diapers, when she feels her mind is turning to mush after reading Dr. Seuss and Curious George all day, when she longs to do something “important.” Certain intellectual and creative pursuits have to be put on the back burner because there are only so many hours in the day. Even some ministry opportunities have to wait until the children are a bit older. It is easy to lament what we can’t do.

Of course, young mothers are not the only ones who have to put things on the back burner. Newlyweds, new teachers, young singles getting started in a career, middle-aged children taking care of an elderly parent, and any number of other life situations will cause us to have to focus on the business at hand and delay other pursuits. But motherhood is the area through which the Lord taught me about the back burner.

Some 15-20 years ago I read something in a secular women’s magazine that greatly encouraged me and has stayed with me ever since. Unfortunately, I can’t remember even what magazine it was, much less what author. The writer was talking those things that have to be put on the back burner. But, she wrote, what is usually on the back burner when we are cooking? Isn’t it something that has to simmer awhile, that is all the richer in flavor for the time it spent there on the back burner? The meat gets tender, the flavors blend, the smell wafts though the house, and we can hardly wait until dinnertime.

Oh, dear mother….what you are doing is vitally important. Your little one may not remember the specific things you did together or all your loving care in their early childhood, but those loving ministrations laid the foundation for your future relationship. The time you spend together reading, playing, rocking, feeding, nurturing a new little life that God has given to you to care for is precious.

As the children get older, their need of your care is still vital, though it is different from when they were small. Instead of feeling isolated at home, you may feel you are nearly living out of your car with all the places you have to take your children to. We have to keep a balance between giving them opportunities and spreading everyone too thin, but some of those times in the car can be precious as well. One of my sons does not open up to me if I sit across the table from him and ask him how things are going in his life, but a casual conversation or observation made while we are out and about can give me glimpses into his heart. Sometimes children feel a little freer to open up while we’re driving.

Someone once said, “With children, the days are long, but the years are short.” That is all too true. You have heard it before, but they do grow up so fast. You always have a ministry with them and an influence on them, but your main years of training them are when they are little. Redeem the time and enjoy it to the hilt.

Don’t worry about those things on the back burner. Give them a stir every now and then. Perhaps you can skim over the newspaper headlines or watch some of the evening news with your husband, or spend 15 minutes or so a day reading a good book to stimulate your mind. Buy a craft kit, take a class, jot down story ideas, or somehow “stir the pot” of whatever your areas of interest are. Take advantage of opportunities to get together with other ladies for fellowship. Explore what ministry opportunities you can within the constraints of your situation, but remember that ministry doesn’t only take place within the four walls of the church: getting to know your neighbor, inviting another mother from the baseball league to church, baby-sitting for another mother for a doctor’s appointment, giving a tract to the repairman are all outlets through which the Lord can use you as well as being an example to your children.

Then, as you stir those things on the back burner from time to time, perhaps you can take a small taste to test the readiness of it. After all, if you start to write the next great novel, and find the timing still isn’t right, you can let it simmer a little longer.

Don’t get discouraged if other women seem to have all their burners going at once, accomplishing things right and left. I used to lament that I couldn’t do as much as some other ladies til I finally had to come to grips with the fact that God made us with different capacities, abilities, and personalities.

Ultimately we have to entrust those back burner issues to our loving Lord and ask His guidance as to when and how to proceed with them. There may be some things He wants us to relinquish completely, and here our back burner analogy breaks down: there are some things He never intended for us to pursue, and we have to set aside what was a personal desire that was not His will. We have to remind ourselves that, no matter how strong and even good a desire was, if it is not God’s will, it would not have been good for us and may actually have been harmful and taken away from what He did have for us to do. On the other hand, we can’t let the back burner become a place of excuses and due to laziness or fear place things there that the Lord does want us to pursue now. How can we know the difference? By walking with him day by day, seeking His guidance, asking Him to open doors He wants open and close doors He wants closed. When it is His timing to finally serve one of those “back burner” dishes, it will indeed be “just right.”

Plan to read the Bible more this year?

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Many people begin with new year with a goal to read the Bible through, or at least to read it more. And that is a worthy goal. There are many good reasons to read the Bible.

I’d like to suggest, though, that if you don’t have some kind of plan of action, this goal, like many others, will likely fizzle out and you’ll get discouraged: likely either making the time will fall to the wayside, or you’ll hit or miss in favorite passages and not venture out into others.

So I would like to suggest that you make some kind of plan. Let me say up front, though, that not every day will go according to plan, and that’s ok. Don’t let it discourage you that you can’t do the exact same thing every day, when someone is sick, when on vacation, when something unexpected comes up. On “those days” just do what you can and then get back into routine as soon as you are able.

That’s one reason I like the Daily Light devotional book. I like to use it to begin my devotions and get my mind in gear, but there are some days that that may be all I can do, and on those days I know I’ve had a good “bite” into God’s Word — kind of like those days that you don’t have time for a proper breakfast but you grab a multi-grain nutrition bar rather than a donut.

I’ll confess that on Sundays I only read Daily Light (and sometimes other devotional books I am going through). Our routine is different on Sunday and everyone is home, making it a little harder to find a quiet time to concentrate, plus we’re at church 3+ hours with Sunday School and the morning and evening services. I look at it like going to Grandma’s house for a big Sunday dinner rather than eating at home: I am going to church for the “family meal” my pastor and teachers have prepared that day.

There are a number of plans online for reading the Bible through. One here is based, I believe, on the One Year Bible plan. BibleGateway.com has a few different ones: a comprehensive one for reading the Bible through in a year, a 121-day biographical one covering some of the major people in the Bible, a 61-day survey schedule, and a 61-day chronological reading plan.

There is a plan developed by Robert Murray McCheyne (or M’cheyne) here that will take you though the Old Testament once and the New Testament and Psalm twice in a year’s time.

Susan at By Grace posted links to some other Bible reading plans that I’m going to “borrow” and share with you here. One she saw at Mountain Musings is here with five different plans for many different versions (even foreign language ones). Another one has you reading from different parts of the Bible (Epistles, Law, History, Psalms, Poetry, Prophecy, Gospels) each day. Susan also shared a link to a free online version of Alexander Scourby’s audio reading of the KJV for those who learn better by listening than by reading (or who sometimes like to listen while reading).

There is a list of thirteen other Bible reading plans here.

Surely with all of those plans there is one to strike everyone’s fancy. 🙂

I’ve mentioned many times that I love reading the Bible through, and when I first started a plan kept me at it and on track. Over the past several years I have continued to read the Bible through, but not in a year. I usually read a couple of chapters a day, but in some of the narrative passages or some of the shorter epistles I’ll read more at a time. There are some places in the Bible that, if I try reading more, I am not comprehending it, and that’s the goal — understanding and meditating on what you read, not just getting through a list. Plus I want to be free to study out something that strikes me in my reading or look up cross references, etc., without feeling like I don’t have time to because I need to keep with the plan.

Sometimes I take a break in my regular reading to do a particular study or to go through a Christian book, like Changed Into His Image.

A few other posts I have written on this topic are Devotional tips, Having devotions when you’re not feeling very devoted, God’s Word, When there is no hunger for God’s Word, and What do you say about this book? One of my passions is getting people into the Word of God for themselves. It’s such a treasure.

In closing, here are some quotes from other well-known voices of the past about reading the Word of God:

“Above all theologies, and creeds, and catechisms, and books, and hymns, must the Word be meditated on, that we may grow in the knowledge of all its parts and in assimilation to its models. Our souls must be steeped in it; not in certain favorite parts of it, but the whole. We must know it, not from the report of others but from our own experience and vision,…Another cannot breathe the air for us, nor eat for us, nor drink for us.”
–Horatius Bonar from They Walked With God

“It will greatly help you to understand scripture if you note – not only what is spoken and written, but of whom and to whom, with what words, at what time, where, to what intent, with what circumstances, considering what goes before and what follows. “
–Miles Coverdale

“Some people like to read so many [Bible] chapters every day. I would not dissuade them from the practice, but I would rather lay my soul asoak in half a dozen verses all day than rinse my hand in several chapters. Oh, to be bathed in a text of Scripture, and to let it be sucked up in your very soul, till it saturates your heart! “
–Charles Haddon Spurgeon

“The Word of God well understood and religiously obeyed is the shortest route to spiritual perfection. And we must not select a few favorite passages to the exclusion of others. Nothing less than a whole Bible can make a whole Christian.” –AW. Tozer

“When you are reading a book in a dark room, and come to a difficult part, you take it to a window to get more light. So take your Bibles to Christ.” –Robert Murray M’Cheyne

“If there is anything in my thoughts or style to commend, the credit is due to my parents for instilling in me an early love of the Scriptures. If we abide by the principles taught in the Bible, our country will go on prospering and to prosper; but if we and our posterity neglect its instructions and authority, no man can tell how sudden a catastrophe may overwhelm us and bury all our glory in profound obscurity.” — Daniel Webster

Book Review: Never Say Can’t

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Some years ago I read a book called Never Say Can’t about a missionary who didn’t feel he had much natural ability but who determined that he would do whatever God called him to do and not make excuses, trusting God for the ability. In fact, he and his wife made a little ceremony of burying the word “can’t.” I couldn’t remember their names or the author’s, but I remembered that incident.

I was excited to find a used book by the same title and ordered it — but it’s not the same book. 🙂 It was an enjoyable read, though.

never-say-cant_.jpgThis Never Say Can’t by Jerry Ballard was about a missionary with the same motto, Thomas Willey, who ministered in Panama and Cuba. Rather than recapping the whole story, I want to just touch on a few things that stood out to me.

He had had to quit school,early to help take care of his family. Later when he felt called to preach he knew he needed to go to Bible college. He had been a hard worker and had saved money to go. But he was so out of touch academically that when the registrar asked him how many credits he had, he said, “How much do I need, sir? I have money in the bank and my credit is good as gold.” The ripple of laughter from the other students nearby caused him to realize he was missing something. Tom later wrote, “Who could forget the amazement on the dean’s face when he realized that he had an ignoramus on his hands, a young man past 20 who wanted to go to college yet couldn’t work fractions and had no knowledge of grammar or spelling.” The registrar asked to meet with him privately and told him he would have to take a lot of background courses in the academy before he could start college and that it would be a long, hard haul. Tom knew God had called him and settled in to work hard.

When Tom began missionary work with Indians in the jungles of Panama, “He knew civilization wasn’t their primary need. White man’s civilization without Christ would simply replace their primitive sins with more sophisticated ones. He only wanted to share his Savior.”

His first experience on the mission field came just after college, where the students had been experiencing a wonderful revival. He thought the mission field would be even more of a revival, but within just a few hours sensed “strange tensions” among the missionaries with whom he was assigned to work. He became a sounding board for both sides. “What shocked Tom was the inability of those involved to maintain spiritual victory over their emotions, to forgive in love and to forget.” After a few months “he became more sympathetic as he realized the strange drain which life in a continually threatening jungle environment could be to one’s spiritual resources. How easy it was to become so busy with mission affairs that prayer and Bible reading were neglected, and one became introverted and self-centered through the constant fight for survival.” After two years on that field he left 20 lbs. less, underweight, and “backslidden …himself due to his frustration in seeking to be a reconciling force among his co-workers.”

In the zealousness of youthful Christianity, when I first heard of missionaries having trouble getting along, I was similarly shocked. I thought surely any group of godly people shouldn’t have that problem. Well..after a little more maturity and experience, I’ve realized that any group of Christians can have trouble getting along. If that happens to us here, we shouldn’t be surprised it happens to people on the mission field, especially with the additional stresses they are under. That is an area we should pray for them more — grace and getting along with each other’s faults, foibles, differing ideas of how things should be done, etc.

Another area that stood out to me was the account of the rise of Communism in Cuba. Evidently Castro did not present himself as a Communist at first — there was none of the usual rhetoric or slogans. He was seen as a great liberator from an oppressive government. There is some disagreement as to whether he was really a Communist all along or whether he just chose that political line in order to “institutionalize his revolution.” The missionaries had been sympathetic to the revolutionaries, but had to make “late-hour course corrections to cope with another anti-Christian influence.” Though some of the soldiers themselves had originally seemed friendly to the missionaries, repression began.

Before repression became too bad however, Mr. Willey attended the trials of those deemed war criminals, then asked and was granted permission to visit those condemned to die before the firing squad. “The rebel authorities were impressed with Pop’s obvious concern for the spiritual needs of the condemned men.” Many of them had never heard the gospel. One told him, “Had we had this teaching, none of us would now be in this sad state. Please preach this in the streets, in the country, in the cities. This is the only hope for Cuba!”

Many believed. It was hard to see spiritual newborns put to death so soon after their conversion. “Pop,” as he was known, then took the dead men’s belongings to their families and was able to share the comfort of the gospel with them as well. Though God vitally used him in this way, the experience “took a heavy physical and emotional toll…He was never to be quite the same again.”

It wasn’t long before the missionaries had to leave Cuba. They found a ministry to exiled Cubans in Florida and in speaking to churches to stir up missionary interest. Eventually they ministered back in Panama.

Near the end of the book when the author recorded Tom’s death and the viewing and funeral, I thought he perfectly captured the mixed emotions one feels at the death of a Christian loved one: “Sorrowful because of earth’s loss. Joyful because of heaven’s gain. Awkward because of the paradox of extreme grief and extreme joy mingled in a single sensation.”

Even though this wasn’t the book I was originally looking for, I am glad I read of this servant of the Lord.

His Dear Wife

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Several years ago I heard Claudia Barba speak at a ladies’ conference at a nearby town. Her husband had been a church planter and an evangelist and currently has a ministry helping church planters get their churches established. He had spoken at a missions conference at our church a few years earlier and his family was there: I may have met Claudia then, but I didn’t know she spoke to ladies groups and I didn’t know she was the sister of a college friend, who was the pastor’s wife at this church. You know how some people can speak and convict you and you feel like you’ve been beaten up, and others can speak and convict you and leave you feeling hopeful and encouraged and looking forward to what the Lord can do in and through you. Claudia is the latter kind of speaker. Her talks were practical and convicting and went right to the root of my selfishness, but they were tremendously encouraging as well. At that time she mentioned an e-mail list she had started called “Monday Morning Club.” It was primarily for minister’s wives, but was open to everyone, so I subscribed. I’ve been enjoying Claudia’s Word-based instruction and encouragement ever since. Later our own ladies group was blessed to have Claudia as a speaker at our spring Ladies’ Luncheon.

This particular “Monday Morning Club” e-mail has spoken to my heart again and again. Even though my husband is not a pastor, every Christian is a minister of the gospel in some way, and I found much to convict and inspire in this piece. I don’t know what brought it to mind again, but when I thought of it this morning I e-mailed Claudia to ask permission to publish it here, and she graciously gave it.

If you would be interested in receiving Claudia’s Monday Morning Club e-mails, you can e-mail her at cbarba@ipresson.com. The Barba’s web site is Press On! Ministries.

His Dear Wife

by Claudia Barba

It happened again recently. Sitting in church, I heard the pastor welcome us to the service: Dave Barba and his “dear wife.” I think that pastors use that phrase as a graceful way to introduce me when they have forgotten my name. But it always makes me want to laugh as I imagine my husband as a majestic buck in the deep woods, and me as the docile doe by his side. My son (Bambi, I guess) added to my amusement years ago when, during a similar introduction, he grinned at me and formed antlers with his fingers on his head.

This time, after my invisible (I hope) laughter, I began to think about that word—“dear.” It was okay to daydream; none of the pastor’s announcements applied to me.

“Dear” people are precious—beloved, highly esteemed, valuable, cherished, and treasured. I like to believe that that is how my husband thinks of me. But “dear” also has another definition, and I am sadly aware that sometimes that meaning can apply to me as well. “Dear” can mean expensive. A wife can be precious to her husband, or she can be costly to him.

On a literal plane, I can be a drain on his budget or a plug for it. When money is scarce, I have to make every dollar stretch a mile. I can do it cheerfully and creatively, or I can do it grudgingly. One attitude makes me precious to him; the other makes me just another burden—his doe spending his dough.

When he preaches, I can be his silent cheerleader. I can stay awake. I can nod and smile at him from the pew, listen and take notes. I can thank him for praying and preparing, and tell him how the Lord has used his sermons to help me. That makes me precious. On the other hand, criticizing or ignoring his preaching costs him dearly, for it damages his confidence in the pulpit.

When enemies attack our ministry, I can crumple, weep, and blame him for my pain. After all, if he would just be perfect like me and please everybody all the time, no one would criticize and life would be bliss! Or I can bravely and tearlessly remind him in our most painful times that the Lord is the One Whose approval we need. Pleasing everybody else, all the time, is impossible.

If he has worked hard for few visible results, I can “dearly” remind him of the laws of sowing and reaping. I can point him to the future, when God will reward his labor. Or I can drain his spirit by questioning if the ministry is really worth all the work.

When he gets discouraged, I can find ways to lift his heart: a picnic in the park or a love letter slipped into his briefcase. I can pass along compliments from others and promises from the Lord. I can be steady, patient, prayerful, and dear until he’s himself again. I can be his ladder for climbing out of the pit. Or I can jump in with him and then expect him to lift me out.

I can praise his leadership at home and his skill working with people. I can honor the hidden character and steadfastness that I know better than anyone else. I can point out the good I see in him. How precious it is for a man to know that his wife admires him! Or I can take the good for granted and focus on his flaws—costing his self-image dearly.

Someday (long before your funeral, I hope), your husband may say that you are a woman with a price “far above rubies.” That can be true because of your incredible value to him, or because of what it costs him to keep you around. I want to be precious, not expensive—don’t you?

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Never further than Thy cross

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I saw two verses of this in a book I was reading last night, and when I looked it up today I found it was a hymn. I’ve never heard it — it would be a good one to put back into the hymnbooks.

Never further than Thy cross,
Never higher than Thy feet;
Here earth’s precious things seem dross,
Here earth’s bitter things grow sweet.

Gazing thus our sin we see,
Learn Thy love while gazing thus,
Sin, which laid the cross on Thee,
Love, which bore the cross for us.

Here we learn to serve and give,
And, rejoicing, self deny;
Here we gather love to live,
Here we gather faith to die.

Pressing onward as we can,
Still to this our hearts must tend;
Where our earliest hopes began,
There our last aspirings end.

Till amid the hosts of light,
We in Thee redeemed, complete,
Through Thy cross made pure and white,
Cast our crowns before Thy feet.

~ Elizabeth R. Charles

Laying down life

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One of the things that continues to surprise me is just how far selfishness still has its roots in me.

An incident yesterday and a quote I saw this morning, among other things, brought it all to the forefront again. Someone called yesterday and the conversation got off on the wrong foot right off the bat when I said hello and heard voices, but no one answered. We’d been getting a lot of either political calls or calls where someone hung up as soon as we answered, so I figured it was one of those kinds of calls. When they finally spoke, I was irritated and it showed in my tone. It was someone I knew, but she hadn’t realized someone had picked up the phone, so she was talking to someone else with her. Then she told me about a problem resulting from an apparent oversight on my part, though I hadn’t gotten the information that I needed to take care of anything. Then, you know how sometimes people will talk and forget a detail like a name or what day something occurred, and then they get sidetracked trying to remember that detail when it doesn’t really have anything to do with the conversation? Well, that happened with this lady, and I was busy, still holding in one hand the things I’d been taking care of when the phone rang, and irritated in general, so I just interrupted and said, “Well, that’s not important,”and proceeded to discuss what we needed to do to take care of the situation.

Yikes!

My whole tone and demeanor indicated a lack of love and concern and a selfish preoccupation. Instead of being helpful and kind, I let it be known that I was bothered.

Then this morning on girltalk, Kristin shared a quote from a book by J. I. Packer. I’ve not read anything of his, but this quote struck me:

“The Christmas spirit does not shine out in the Christian snob. For the Christmas spirit is the spirit of those who, like their Master, live their whole lives on the principle of making themselves poor–spending and being spent–to enrich their fellow humans, giving time, trouble, care and concern, to do good to others—and not just their own friends–in whatever way there seems need.”

This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:12-13.

I’ve long believed that laying down our lives is not just martyrdom, not just physical death, but rather the everyday serving another by sacrificing our own time and attention for them. I’ve long believed that my schedule is in God’s hands, that even interruptions are allowed by Him, may even be His divine appointments for the day. That struck me full force one day when I realized the healing of the woman with the issue of blood took place while Jesus was on his way to heal Jairus’ daughter. Imagine how Jairus felt after he’d found Christ to come and heal his daughter who was dying, then this woman interrupts, then he receives word that his daughter has died (Luke 8:41-56). Yet Jesus reassures him that she would be made whole — and she was. He brought her back from the dead, and how much more glorious the whole situation was in the end.

In fact, if you study the life of Christ, He was constantly interrupted. He rose a great while before day to pray, and people came seeking him out. People were constantly wanting His attention, yet you never see Him ruffled, short-tempered, irritated, bothered.

I’ve known these things — but I often fail at living them.

By love serve one another. Galatians 5:13b.

I do want to serve others. But I tend to want to do it in my own way, at certain times or through certain events. If I listen to a conversation or fill a need, then I want to pat the other person on the head and say, “OK, I’ve served you for a while. Leave me alone now so I can do what I want.” That’s hardly characteristic of Christ.

And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved. II Corinthians 12:15.

Most of the people with whom I have to do are very loving in response. I generally don’t have to worry about expending time, energy, and care on people who don’t love me — so how much more willing should I be to “spend and be spent” for them?

For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it. Mark 8:35.

Lord, forgive me for thinking that my time, energy, schedule, resources, and everything else are my own. Help me to remember it is all Yours, and I am here to serve You, not live for myself. Help me to truly love You with all my heart and soul and mind and strength and to love others as You have loved me — sacrificially, unselfishly, continually. I need Your grace, because my natural bent is to be self-centered, to serve occasionally and often with the wrong motives. Help me to lay down the bits and pieces of my life every day rather than trying to grasp back enough for self. Help me to serve and love on Your terms and not my own.

Missionary Christmas Gifts

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Since I have mentioned our church’s missionary Christmas gift project, I’ve had some questions about it, so I thought I would explain it a little more. But I want to say at the outset I would also love to hear what you or your church does, and I would also love to hear from missionaries about what things have been helpful and even not so helpful that individuals or churches have done for them.

Whatever you do for missionaries or servicemen or anyone overseas, contact them first. It is all too easy to be a burden rather than a blessing with packages. We have had some missionaries for whom the duties they would have to pay on packages would make receiving any kind of package prohibitive. Others can tell you particular designations to put on the customs forms that would cause the least problems or duties for them. In some countries there is a degree of corruption in the mailing system, and missionaries can alert you to wording on the customs form that would not draw undue attention. Some missionaries have people come over from the States regularly and would rather you send a package to those people who will then bring it when they come — this not only saves on shipping but is more secure. And most countries have lists of prohibited items. The United States Postal Service web site has an Index of Countries which you can click on to find specific prohibited lists and other details, like package size restrictions, for each country.

I also want to say that when I mention problems or frustrations, it’s not meant as whining or complaining. I just want to be realistic for anyone who might be contemplating doing this. Anything we do in this life, even as a ministry, will have it problems.

As it stands now, what we usually do is e-mail our missionaries in the summer to ask for gift ideas for their family members and ministry and any particular mailing instructions. We also ask for ages of children, sizes, color preferences, etc. We try to give them a reasonable time frame, knowing that they are busy and that some have only limited e-mail access (of course, for those with no e-mail or unreliable e-mail, you can always write them a note). The very first time we explained a little bit more about what we were doing, but most of our missionaries are familiar with it now.

Then I take all the responses and make a master list and make copies to give out to folks at church. I also make a master sign-up list which stays on the back table at church. As people peruse the lists, they sign up for the things they want to buy, and a designated box is placed for people to turn the items in as they buy them. We usually do this over the whole month of September. Then in our October ladies meeting we wrap and label the gifts, then over the next few weeks I package and mail them.

The lady from whom I got this idea would put the gift ideas on 3 x 5 cards and alphabetize them by missionary name, then set up a little table in the church lobby so that people could come to her, tell her who they wanted to provide a gift for, and she would give them a card and note who had what card on a list. That worked fine for that church, but for me, I personally would like to see the whole list before deciding what to buy. I’ve learned over the years that some people buy for particular people, but some people buy preferred things. One lady used to buy tennis balls and golf balls every year because we would have some of those on several missionary lists: another lady who was a nurse liked to buy anything of a medical nature, etc. Some people prefer to donate money, and I use that for gifts that haven’t been signed up for or to “fill in” (for instance, if one child in a family gets socks and another has two toys, I try to find a toy to balance it out).

Another lady mentioned putting the gift ideas on paper ornaments on a Christmas tree in the lobby to make it a real “Christmas in September” (or July or whenever you do it). Though I really like this idea, I’d be afraid of some of the ornaments being accidentally knocked off or blown off or taken off by little kids, etc.

I ask for the items to be turned in unwrapped for a couple of reasons. I don’t want to over-manage, but sometimes people do get the wrong thing or the wrong size or title. Sometimes the gift isn’t quite appropriate: someone recently turned in an item for a one year old that was better suited to an infant. Sometimes people turn things in in big gift boxes that are bigger than the postal size restrictions, so we have to repackage them.

One of the problems that I encounter is timing. Sometimes the missionaries don’t respond in time (many are great about answering right away, and some travel and don’t see my message for a while, but some, just like us, don’t “get around to it.” When I do hear from them after I have made the master list, I can either buy their gifts with designated money, or often someone at church will come to me near the end of our endeavor to ask if anything is still needed, and I can give them ideas from those late entries.) And sometimes church folks don’t get things turned in on time, so it can take a while to tie up all the loose ends.

Another problem is that some missionaries will have people sign up for a lot of items, and others will have few to none. Part of this has to do with accessibility: people easily sign up for things they can get at the grocery store or Wal-Mart. They also tend not to sign up for anything over about the $20 range. Some families don’t mind spending $25-50, but they don’t want to spend that all on one thing. Many missionaries send us a variety of ideas and tell us they don’t expect everything on the list but just want to give a variety, which is excellent. We do ask the missionaries to designate on their lists if there is anything they prefer more that another on those lists, but only one has ever done that. So sometimes we end up with one missionary family with two boxes full of smaller grocery store items and another who only listed maybe one idea per person, but those items were harder to find or a little more expensive, and those missionaries don’t get signed up for at all, though the totals of the items on their list are about the same. I do try to emphasize to the folks at church that it would be better to have one gift per person than many gifts for one and none for another. At this point we take care of that with designated money or funds from our ladies’ budget, but I am trying to figure out a better way to handle it. I don’t at all begrudge the one family the two boxes of stuff, especially the items that I know they can’t get in their country — but I don’t want another family to have little.

Some churches deal with this by buying the same items for every missionary family, so they all get the same packages. But I would really rather personalize it with things that they truly want and can use. One missionary friend was telling me that those kinds of packages almost always contain toiletries, and though they appreciate the intent and the thought, they’re almost overrun with toiletries. So I think a generic package that would be meaningful might be hard to do unless it is something personal or homemade. Another church I know sends $25 per person for each missionary family member (usually to their mission board, but check with the mission board or missionary first to find out what’s best for that individual family), and that’s fine, too. But it is fun for them to get packages in the mail, and even with cash, there are items that some can’t get in their country that we’re happy to send.

Despite some of the problems mentioned, this is a joy to do, and we have heard from our missionary families that it is a blessing. I don’t know if there is an ideal or problem-free way to handle gift-giving overseas.

This is the first year that we are mailing things without benefit of what used to be called “surface mail,” the slowest but cheapest mailing rate (one person said things sent by surface mail went via boat, train, or llama. 🙂 ) The post office did away with it because they felt senders were more interested in speed and reliability than a low cost factor. When I first heard this earlier in the year, I consulted our pastor and church business manager to see if we should do anything differently. They said to just do things the same way this year and we’d evaluate before doing anything next year. It will probably cost us easily twice the shipping fees as in previous years. We want to be generous and be a blessing to our missionaries, but we want to be good stewards, too, so we may have to do something different next year, like put an emphasis on just sending things they can’t get in their country or sending one item per person or something else in the future. I’m not quite sure yet what we will do.

Some general tips for sending overseas mail:

— Though it is nicer to send things in gift boxes, when you’re sending a lot you have to compress everything down to the smallest and lightest packaging that you can.

— Anything liquid — lotion, shampoo, etc. — need to be put in a sealable bag and have some packaging material around it to absorb it if it should spill.

— Things with strong odors (soaps, candles) need to be put into sealable bags and placed away from food items in the shipping box.

— Anything breakable needs to be wrapped with packaging material to cushion it.

— There might be some things, like books, that can be ordered online and (and sometimes even gift-wrapped) and shipped directly to the person.

More mailing tips are here.

This wasn’t originally intended as a “Works For Me Wednesday” post, but then I decided it would work for that, too. You can find more tips, or add your own, at Rocks In My Dryer.

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