Category Archives: Fun stuff

A milestone birthday

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I turn 50 today. 50! Wow. I can hardly believe it. Doesn’t seem like I’ve been around for 50 years!

I guess I’ll need to change the “40-something” designation in my profile. But I don’t want to say “50-something” since that sounds so much older than just barely 50. Maybe I’ll just say “middle-aged.” 😀

I had thought about doing something special here to celebrate this milestone, but it ended up being a busy week. So I’ll share something that brought me a few chuckles and eased me into the transition into a new decade:

Perks of Being Over 50

  • No one expects you to run into a burning building.
  • People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”
  • People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
  • There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
  • You can eat dinner at 4 PM.
  • You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
  • You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
  • You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
  • You sing along with elevator music.
  • Your eyes won’t get much worse.
  • Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
  • Your joints are more accurate meteorologist than the national weather service.
  • Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

~~~~~

When Sally discovered her first gray hair she immediately wrote to her parents: “Dear Dad and Mom, You saw my first steps. You might want to experience this with me too.” She taped the offending hair to the paper and mailed it. Her father’s response was in the form of a poem:

It’s a trustworthy observation
That nothing can compare
In the process of aging
With finding the first gray hair.

He signed off with this observation: “That gray hair you sent is not the first one you gave us!”

~~~~~

Finally, here are some quotes I saved especially for this birthday from a Thursday Thirteen I saw at Echoes of Grace when she was also facing a milestone birthday:

1. Happiness is inward, and not outward, and so, it does not depend on what we have, but on who we are. ~Henry Van Dyke

2. Regrets are the natural property of gray hairs. ~Charles Dickens

3. I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. ~May Sarton

4. There is no cure for the common birthday. ~John Glenn

5. It is not how old you are, but how you are old.~ Marie Dressler

6. The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune.~ English Proverb

7. Old age is like flying through a storm. Once you’re aboard, there’s nothing you can do.~ Golda Meir

8. The more sand has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it. ~Jean Paul

9. You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair. ~Douglas MacArthur

10. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. ~Mark Twain

11. Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone. ~Jim Fiebig

12. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were? ~Satchel Paige

13. Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many ~Anonymous

Signs of summer in the South

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I posted this on a Thursday Thirteen last summer, but I thought of it again this week when I thought my skin was going to be flayed before I could get from my car to Wal-Mart. It’s not original with me: I received it in an e-mail a while back.

Thirteen signs of summer in the South:

1. You step outside at 7:30 a.m. and break out into a sweat.

2. The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.

3. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

4. The cows are giving evaporated milk.

5. You can make instant sun tea.

6. You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

7. You decide the best parking place is determined by amount of shade instead of distance.

8. Hot water now comes out of both taps.

9. A parent laments, “I wish it would rain – not so much for me, cuz I’ve seen it – but for my 7-year-old.”

10. You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

11. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”

12. You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

13. The trees are whistling for the dogs.

Father’s Day Jokes

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A college boy wrote his father, “I can’t understand how you can call yourself a kind parent when you haven’t sent me a check in two months.! What kind of kindness is that?”

The father replied, “Son, that’s called ‘unremitting’ kindness.”
~~~~~~~~~~

Tom had won a toy in a contest. He called his kids together
to ask which one should have the present.

“Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks
back to mother? Who does everything she says?”

Five small voices answered in unison:

“Okay, Dad, you get the toy.”
~~~~~~~~~~

The coed came running in tears to her father. “Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!” she cried.
“I did? What did I tell you?” said the dad.
“You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble.”
“What are you talking about? That’s one of the largest banks in the world,” he said. “Surely there must be some mistake.”
“I don’t think so,” she sniffed. “They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, ‘Insufficient Funds’.”
~~~~~~~~~~

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.”

A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, “The big sissy.”
~~~~~~~~~~

One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arms around her husband.
“A penny for your thoughts,” she whispered in his ear.

“It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $66.95!”
~~~~~~~~~~

Junior had just received his brand new driver’s license. The family trooped out to the driveway, and climbed into the car, where he was about to take them for a ride for the first time.

Dad immediately headed for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

“I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” said the beaming boy to the ol’ man.

“Nope,” came dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you’ve been doing to me all these years.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Fathers of 1900 and Fathers of Today:

In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family’s head, he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that’s just the vacation home.

In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.
Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.

In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business.
Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.

In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, “Wake up, it’s time for school.”
Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: “Wake up, it’s time for hockey practice.”

In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.
Today, a father comes home to a note: “Jimmy’s at baseball, Cindy’s at gymnastics, I’m at gym, Pizza in fridge.”

In 1900, a Father’s Day gift would be a hand tool.
Today, he’ll get a digital organizer.

In 1900, “a good day at the market” meant Father brought home feed for the horses.
Today, “a good day at the market” means Dad got in early on an IPO.

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Personal policies meme

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Laura at My Quotidian Mysteries tagged me for a “Personal Policies Meme,” asking about “not moral rules, like ”Do Not Kill,’ I’m talking about the silly policies we impose on ourselves, like ‘Never eat anything you can’t identify,’ or ‘Don’t step on sidewalk cracks.'”

First of all, thanks for the tag, Laura! I think it is fun to be tagged.

I had to think about this for a while — I wasn’t sure I had any personal policies. I should probably ask my family what they think my policies are. 🙂

Before I read the “silly” part, my first thought was that two of my policies are to try to read some portion of the Bible every day and to go to church just about every time the doors are open. Both were instilled in me early in my Christian life and have done a lot to help me grow spiritually.

Beyond that, though, some everyday “silly” policies are:

1. I am kind of germophobic, so I am always asking everyone in the house if they have washed their hands (with soap!).

2. In public restrooms I always put a seat cover or toilet paper on the seat. I know it is probably not really protecting me from anything, but it makes me feel better.

3. I’m not really obsessive-compulsive and I don’t have “a place for everything” like I should, but one place I do like to keep everything in a certain place is the refrigerator. It helps avoid the opening the door and asking anyone in range, “Where’s the…….?” syndrome — though that sometimes still happens. 🙂 I also put the new milk or OJ behind the old — if I don’t, almost without fail someone will open the new one before the old one is finished, then the old one spoils. I’m afraid I can get quite carnal in my heart when I open the refrigerator and the jar of Miracle Whip is there on the center shelf instead of in the door shelf where it always goes. 😳

4. I can’t stand music with words playing in the background when people are talking. I don’t know, it’s something like sensory overload — my brain feels like it should be listening to both and can’t. I love listening to music while I am making dinner or cleaning, but if someone comes in and starts talking to me, I have to turn the music off. Instrumental music is a little better, but not much — I usually turn it off, too, unless I am alone or the room I’m in is quiet. I tend to turn music on blogs off, too, for the same reason.

5. When I was a teen, I tended to skip around in books. Then I began to make myself read from the introduction, forwards, etc., into the main part of the book. That’s usually pretty enlightening, but I’ve suspended it a couple of times recently when reading classics in which the forward gave away way too much of the story — I guess the ones writing the forwards figured everyone must already know the plot.

6. I have to sit where I can get out easily, whether it is at the end of a near-the-back row at church or by the doorway at a bridal shower at someone’s home. I just feel closed-in and trapped and panicky otherwise. I don’t know why. I think it stems from a time when I was having….ah…..digestive issues and needed to be able to get to a bathroom as soon as possible if needed. The source of the problem was found (a medication), but that feeling still remains.

7. I always call an older person by Mr., Miss, or Mrs. and their last name unless they tell me to do otherwise. That’s just what I was taught. Sometimes even if they tell me to call them by their first names, I have trouble doing it, especially an authority figure.

That’s all I can think of right now! If any other things come to mind, I’ll add them on.

(I did think of one more: I almost always take a Sunday afternoon nap!)

I’ll tag Alice, Jen, Janeen, and Joyful Days — and anyone else who would to to do this!

The Terrible Twos Meme

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Saw this at Jen’s:

  • Two Names You Go By:

1. Barbara
2. Barbie (nickname from childhood. My family — and only my family — still calls me that.)
(Not to mention “Mom.”)

  • Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:

1. Dress
2. Slip

  • Two Things You Want in a Relationship:

1. Love
2. Companionship

  • Two of Your Favorite Things to do:

1. Blogging
2. Reading

  • Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:

1. Something sweet
2. Something to drink

  • What 2 pets you had/have:

1. Suzie, half Collie, half German Shepherd, has been our pet for 11 years.
2. I had a collie named Sam when I was a child.

  • Two people who will fill this out first: I’ll tag…

1. Whoever wants to — please let me know if you do it
2.

  • Two things you did last night:

1. Watched the finales of “Heroes” and “24”
2. Folded towels

  • Two people who live at your house:

1. Jim
2. Jeremy

  • Two things you ate today:

1. Corn Chex
2. Just about to have some canned pears.

  • Two people you talked to last:

1. Jeremy
2. Jesse

  • Two things you’re doing tomorrow:

1. Blogging. 🙂
2. Working on details for Ladies’ Luncheon

  • Two Favorite Holidays:

1. Christmas
2. Thanksgiving

  • Two favorite beverages:

1. Unsweetened decaf iced tea
2. Diet decaf Pepsi

Which Jane Austen heroine are you?

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I am Elinor Dashwood!

Take the Quiz here!

 

:: E L I N O R ::

You are Elinor Dashwood of Sense & Sensibility! You are practical, circumspect, and discreet. Though you are tremendously sensible and allow your head to rule, you have a deep, emotional side that few people often see.

Thursday Thirteen: Favorite Puns

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1. When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

2. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off.

3. Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

4. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

5. Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.

6. He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

7. Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

8. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

9. You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

10. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

11. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

12. A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

13. When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Kids answer questions about moms

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This has been in my files for years — I don’t know where it originally came from. These are questions put to elementary-aged children about moms. Some of their answers are pretty cute. Enjoy!

Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores.

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goofball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What’s the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I’d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

Show and Tell Friday: Boyd’s Tree House

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show-and-tell.jpgKelli at There’s No Place Like Home created and hosts a fun activity called “Show and Tell Friday.”

I’ve been collecting Boyd’s Bears resin figurines for years now. Most of them have come from my mom and my husband. I love them all, but this one is a special treasure: a Boyd’s Tree House. My mom got it for me — I am not sure where she found it. I have never seen them in stores or on the Boyd’s site.

My mom’s “love language” was definitely giving. She collected things all through the year to give at Christmas. She always gave generously and always wished she could give more. She delighted in finding a gift she knew her loved ones would like. She passed away about a year and a half ago. I miss her terribly and would much rather have her than any “thing,” yet the things that she has given me over the years remind me of her love.

So this is a treasure to me because it is cute and unique, but especially because it’s from my mom.

This is the overall view — I couldn’t get a satisfying picture of it, but you get the idea.

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Here are some close-ups of some of the “rooms”:

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I’m not sure, but I wonder if some of the individual scenes are supposed to represent some of their past figurines. The little cook in the above picture looks very similar to this figurine:

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If you would like to join in the fun for Show and Tell Friday, visit Kelli’s place here.

Thursday Thirteen: Mother’s Dictionary

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This has made the e-mails rounds several times over, so it’s probably old to many. But I thought these were funny even after several readings, and appropriate for Mother’s Day coming up. There are just a few more than thirteen, but I’ll let you have those free. 🙂 The lovely Thursday Thirteen banner above was made by Yellow Rose.

ADULTS: Group of people Mom longs to communicate with after several hours of talking in small words about topics like “who touched who first”

BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.

BECAUSE: Mom’s reason for having kids do things which can’t be explained logically.

CHINA: Legendary nation reportedly populated by starving children who love leftover vegetables.

DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

LOOK OUT!: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

SUNDAY BEST: Attractive, expensive children’s clothing made of a fabric which attracts melted chocolate and grape juice.

TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

“WHEN YOUR FATHER GETS HOME”: Standard measurement of time between crime and punishment.

WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly to “Get a sponge.”

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!View More Thursday Thirteen Participants