Laudable Linkage

Posted on August 29, 2015 by Barbara Harper

It’s been a few weeks since I have had time to share, but here are some thought-provoking reads discovered recently:

For the Woman Who Is Simply Weary of Serving.

10 Ways to Overcome Spiritual Weariness.

How to Move On When You’ve Been Betrayed.

Invent a Ministry. HT to Challies. Love this. One of my themes is that ministry isn’t always in an official church-sponsored activity. It’s being available for God to use you all throughout the day. Another is the “Someone should…” or “The church should…” mentality, forgetting we ARE the church. I’ve been thinking about a possible blog post along these lines.

Unavoidable Tantrums. Good thoughts here.

12 Things That Every First-Time Dad Should Know.

Have This Conversation Before You Send Your Baby Back to School. I wouldn’t say, “Don’t strive to do your best,” but otherwise very sound advice.

The Dramatic, Adrenaline Soaked Life of a Missionary, or, It’s Not Like You Read in All Those Classic Biographies, and That’s OK. From a missionary we know in real life.

What It’s Like When You Publish a Book. Interesting thoughts on the type of people God uses (clue: messed-up ones, because that’s the only type available).

Sticking With It, on reading long books with dull spots, either personally or to children. I don’t think the author is advocating for never putting a book aside, but I like the analogy that life is going to be that way sometimes.

25 Ways to Ask Your Kids ‘So How Was School Today?’ Without Asking Them ‘So How Was School Today?’ HT to The Story Warren. I had to learn this with one child who would always just answer, “Normal.” I don’t think I used any of these, but I did learn to ask specific questions.

Finally, this cute little boy, his reaction to hearing he is going to become a big brother, and his accent are all adorable:

And this was sweet: an orphaned kangaroo hugging a teddy bear:

Happy Saturday!

VBS Week

Posted on July 13, 2015 by Barbara Harper

Courtesy of gospelgifs.com

Last Sunday night, our church did something I don’t think I have ever seen a church do. With Vacation Bible School coming up, our pastors had several people who work with VBS give testimonies about how they first got involved with it, what they do, how God has used it, etc. It was sweet to hear those with a heart for this ministry talk about it and share their experiences.

I admit that for many years I had become discouraged about VBS, not in our church, but in general. For so many it seemed like an utterly exhausting week of getting as many kids in as possible to make as many decisions as possible and then never seeing the great majority of them again. I wondered if it was even doing more harm than good if a lot of kids were making some kind of spiritual profession without careful counseling. My husband believes that children don’t make deliberately fake professions, and I agree, but I think some can be confused and go through the motions and be pronounced “saved” when they have very little idea of what was involved. I’ve heard adults tell of being led through a prayer without any instruction as children, about singing “Come Into My Heart, Lord Jesus” with other children and a teacher and being told they were now Christians, of following other kids with a teacher into a room where they thought there were going to be snacks, only to be led in prayer to receive Christ. If you ask almost any child in a church setting if they want Jesus to be their Savior, they’re likely to say yes, but they need to know what that means. Of course, we’re to have faith like children, and there are many facets to salvation they won’t understand until they’re more mature, but they do need more than that question.

But I like the emphasis of our VBS leaders of planting and watering seeds, and I appreciate that they take time to talk with each child who says he or she wants to become a Christian to make sure they understand as much as possible.

I especially appreciate it because I was one of those kids. I did not grow up in a Christian family, but my parents were happy for us kids to go to Sunday School and VBS. They did want us to know something about God and basic morality and were glad for some free activities to send restless children to during the long summer. I have only a few specific memories of times at VBS, but I know all those seeds that were planted and then watered later came to fruition when I believed in the Lord Jesus Christ as my own Savior as a teenager. One of my specific memories is that one church used the hymn “Fairest Lord Jesus” every year, at least in its closing ceremony, if not every night (I can’t remember). That hymn has always had a soft spot in my heart since that time, proof that you don’t necessarily need something cute and catchy to minister to children. You mainly just need truth and love.

That was another thing that struck me in the testimonies last Sunday night: the warmth and caring of those who spoke. In fact, I was kind of depressed about it afterward. 🙂 Those who have read here for a while know that I constantly need to battle being too self-absorbed and often pray to be more loving. I pondered this for a long time afterward, and while I do need to let examples like this spur me on to be more like them, I was also reminded that there are different kinds of caring and loving, and God was using me to show love and care in other ways, like keeping in touch with an older couple who can’t come to church due to physical issues.

I also appreciated the testimonies for their example of service to my youngest son, who was with me and hasn’t really gotten involved in an area of ministry yet. It showed him not only the heart of ministry, but that there can be different avenues of it, from the leader and teachers to the helpers and snack people, even to a lady who couldn’t come every night but dropped in to help where needed one evening and came just in time to help with a specific need. He especially commented on the “snack lady’s” testimony, of taking time to talk to and listen to and show love to the kids and finding extra food for those who had come hungry.

I like that there is a church-wide emphasis on VBS in our church. Not everyone can be directly involved. For us, with Jim’s mom in our home and needing full-time care, we’re limited in how much we can do in the evenings. I’m at the age where being out every night of the week would do me in anyway, but even if I wanted to go, I wouldn’t feel right leaving Jim home alone every night to care for his mom after working 10+ hours a day. Not that he couldn’t do it, but it is more helpful if both of us do it, and it can be depressing to do so alone for long periods. Also, I’ve written before about finally realizing, after several years of working in children’s ministries, mainly when my own were young, that that wasn’t my niche, and the way it completely changed my perspective of ministry. But I was glad for opportunities to donate items and snacks for the week. I didn’t get in on the work days and set-up, but I encourage you to do so in your church, especially if you’re not feeling a part of things at church. Those kinds of activities are where you really get to know people and develop relationships.

But one thing we can all do is pray. If you attend a Bible-preaching church that has VBS, pray for grace and help and strength for the workers. Pray for wisdom and love as they deal with children. Pray for open hearts and understanding on the part of the children. Pray that “that the word of the Lord may have free course, and be glorified” (2 Thessalonians 3:1). Pray that things would go smoothly, that the children would listen, that there would be little misbehavior and distractions so that message can get through. Pray for health (the lady in charge of food for our VBS went into the hospital this weekend. 😦 ) Pray that God’s will be done in every heart.

Adventures in Elder Care

Posted on June 25, 2015 by Barbara Harper

Seven years ago my husband and I moved his mother 2,000 miles to be near us when she couldn’t live on her own any more. She lived in three separate assisted living facilities, a nursing home, and then came home to live with us about 2 years ago. In the posts below I detail some of that journey and pass along tips and truths that have helped us during this time. I hope you will find something to help you in your journey as well.

Helping Parents As They Age.

12 Things You Should Know About Caring for the Elderly.

Decisions.

Assisted Living and Nursing Homes.

The Introvert in Assisted Living (Ideas for one on one activities)

Caring For a Parent at Home.

Dealing With Caregiver Resentment.

A few more thoughts about caregiver resentment.

A Plea to Caregivers

Ministering To the Elderly and Their Caregivers.

It’s Not for Nothing.

Am I Doing Any Good?

But That’s Not My Spiritual Gift!

Remembering the Loved One Who Has Forgotten You

Bible Verses For Caregivers

Save

God’s Messengers

Posted on May 18, 2015 by Barbara Harper

I’ve been going through some old posts lately and came across this, from when I used to host “The Week in Words.” It was originally posted August 9, 2010, and it convicted me again today:

From the Elisabeth Elliot e-mail devotionals, this taken from her book A Lamp For My Feet:

How can this person who so annoys or offends me be God’s messenger? Is God so unkind as to send that sort across my path? Insofar as his treatment of me requires more kindness than I can find in my own heart, demands love of a quality I do not possess, asks of me patience which only the Spirit of God can produce in me, he is God’s messenger. God sends him in order that he may send me running to God for help.

Sometimes the very circumstance in our lives that we’re chafing against is the one God is using to work something necessary into our hearts and characters that we would not learn or develop any other way.

That goes along with something I read at Washing the Feet of the Saints:

In a recent conversation with a delightful young friend, we considered what it means to die to self, particularly in the ordinary tasks of every day life, and to live sacrificially in our home and community to the glory of Christ.

The “dying” this young lady referenced was a simple household chore that had nothing to do with family/elderly caregiving, but it’s application was obvious. My friend lamented that it should be easier to put her desires and contentment aside for the benefit of other. “But then it wouldn’t be dying,” I countered.

Dealing With Caregiver Resentment

Posted on May 5, 2015 by Barbara Harper

I’ve never tried to portray myself as anywhere near perfect or as having it all together, but one fault that seems abominable and embarrassing to have to admit is that sometimes I resent having my mother-in-law here and caring for her. I mentioned some of the disadvantages of caring for a parent at home about seven paragraphs down here.

I Googled caregiver resentment and came up with some practical, helpful tips, but nothing really for the deeper issues. One post even advised just accepting it as part of the whole package. While I can accept that resentment might naturally arise, I can’t accept that as normal and okay: it’s miserable to live with, but even worse, as a Christian, it’s an evidence of my own selfishness. So then I Googled something along the lines of overcoming resentment as a Christian and looked at several of the articles that came up, but most of them dealt with resentment against someone who has done you wrong and the need to forgive.

So I decided to write down some of the things that help me during those times both so it’s here for me to refer back to when needed and so hopefully it might be a help to someone else. And I am calling it “dealing with” rather than “overcoming” caregiver resentment because, although I’d like to have a conversation like this just once and have that take care of my attitude forever, I’ve found I have to go over these things periodically. I guess that is part of living with a sinful nature and needing to renew one’s mind.

So here are ways to deal with resentment, beginning with the practical and moving on toward the spiritual:

1. Take care of your own health, including getting enough sleep. Everything seems worse if you’re sleep-deprived or dragging because you’re not eating right.

2. Talk to someone. My husband and I feel free to talk honestly with each other, and he’s not offended that I do get frustrated with the situation sometimes. I know I have an open door to talk with him about it whenever needed.

3. Get away from the situation sometimes. I am thankful we do have a caregiver here in the mornings so I can run errands or take care of other things, and occasionally we’ll have someone come in for an evening or stay longer on a Saturday so we can have an outing.

4. Remember what brought you to this place. As we trace our history with my mother-in-law’s care, we come again to the same conclusion, that this is the best situation for her at this stage. There may come a time when one or both of us become unable to care for her or her needs become greater than what we can manage at home, but for now, this is best.

5. Remember that caring for a loved one at home used to be the norm before assisted living facilities and nursing homes became widespread, and it still is in some countries.

6. Remember her care of you or your husband for so many years, and look at this as an opportunity to repay her love and care.

7. Remember it could be worse. My mother-in-law is not hard to get along with at all. Some of the residents we encountered in assisted living or the nursing home perhaps made us appreciate that fact even more.

8. Take it a day at a time, or a moment at a time. If we think, “How many years will I have to do this?” we can feel defeated and depressed. All we have to do is deal with this moment, this day, and trust God’s grace will be sufficient for all the days ahead.

9. Think how you would want to be regarded and treated if you were in the same situation.

10. Accept it as God’s will. Maybe you didn’t have time to sort through options, as we did, to come to the conclusion to bring an elderly parent home, or maybe there are extenuating circumstances that compound the resentment you feel. Maybe you don’t have a parent at home, but you’re the only sibling in town to visit them or oversee their care in a facility. Maybe it is even time to do something different. But for this moment right now, this is God’s will for you, and if you surrender it to Him, He will provide the grace to deal with it. “In acceptance lieth peace,” a poem by Amy Carmichael attests.

11. Pray. Sometimes just before going into my mother-in-law’s room to change her, I pray that I might be “Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness,” part of Paul’s prayer in Colossians 1:9-13. Or, as the ESV puts it, “May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy.” That encompasses so much: that I need His strength, longsuffering, and patience, that He has the “glorious power” to give it, and that He can help me to go beyond just acting out of duty, but He can enable me to serve with joy. I also frequently pray that He will help me have a more loving, unselfish heart.

12. Remember the Christian life is one of service, not self-focus. Claudia Barba said in The Monday Morning Club, “The Christlike life has nothing at all to do with satisfying, coddling, or promoting self, but everything to do with being poured out for others” (p. 55). You see it in the life of Christ and Paul and others in the Bible both in instruction and in example. That doesn’t mean we’re doormats or martyrs or that we can never we can never do anything just for fun. But our primary purpose is serving Him by serving others. Some verses that help in this regard are:

Now we exhort you, brethren…comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all. (I Thessalonians 5:14).

Whosoever shall give to drink unto one of these little ones a cup of cold water only in the name of a disciple, verily I say unto you, he shall in no wise lose his reward (Matthew. 10:42).

To do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased (Hebrews. 13:16).

God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love, which ye have shewed toward his name, in that ye have ministered to the saints, and do minister (Hebrews. 6:10).

So after [Jesus] had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you? Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you (John 13:12-15).

With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men (Ephesians 6:7).

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. (Galatians 6:9)

For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in; naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me (Matthew 25:35-36, 40).

13. Accept this as my primary ministry. This is one area I struggle with the most. As the nest starts emptying, though we miss our kids intensely, we begin to look to other things that have been put on the back burner for a while: maybe now we can write that book, get that degree, travel, sew up all that fabric or complete all those projects. But now we’re tied down again. Or maybe some have had to step back from other ministries at church in order to care for a parent. We need to remind ourselves that this is not a hindrance to our ministry: it is our ministry. Even limitations set the parameters of our ministry. Elisabeth Elliot has said:

This job has been given to me to do. Therefore, it is a gift. Therefore, it is a privilege. Therefore, it is an offering I may make to God. Therefore, it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God’s way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness.

I don’t mean to reduce caring for a parent to a “job,” but I believe we can substitute “ministry” for “job” there.

I hope some of these are helpful for any reader facing any kind of resentment in your situation, and I’d be happy to hear any other thoughts or tips you might have.

Sharing at Thought-Provoking Thursday. and Works For Me Wednesday.

Book Review: The Monday Morning Club

Posted on May 1, 2015 by Barbara Harper

Claudia Barba is one author I know in person. I first knew her sister when we were classmates in college. Her dad was one of my teachers there. I met her mother as well through activities with her sister. Claudia and her husband and son came to our church for a week once when her husband was the keynote speaker for a conference, but I am sorry to say I did not introduce myself to her or get to know her at that time. Some years later her sister, now a pastor’s wife in a neighboring city, invited the ladies of our church to a weekend ladies’ conference where Claudia was the speaker. A few of us went…and I was greatly blessed by her speaking. Her strawberry story (which I am glad to see is in her book) especially convicted and touched me.

Claudia’s husband was a pastor at first, then traveled with his family in evangelism for a few years. Then he and his wife began Press On Ministries, in which they travel to spend a few months at a time helping a church planter get a new church off the ground and stable, and then they travel to another new church plant and do the same. One year our ladies’ group was looking for a speaker for our ladies’ luncheon, and Claudia and her husband were working near enough that I thought it might be a possibility that she could speak for us. A few e-mails and it was all arranged, and Claudia’s message was again a blessing.

Now we live in TN, and the Barba’s home base is close enough that they pop into our church every now and then between ministries. At their last visit, Claudia asked me if I had her new book, and when I said I didn’t, she took my address and sent me a copy – for free, with no expectation or request for a review, but rather just to be nice. 🙂

That book, The Monday Morning Club: You’re Not Alone — Encouragement For Women in Ministry, began with Claudia and her mother and sisters, who were all married to men in the ministry. They would e-mail each other on Monday mornings when they needed a friend to talk to, someone to “share my joys without jealousy and hear my frustrations without judgement” “whether Sundays were thrilling or discouraging.” (p. xiii). Then another friend asked to be included, and eventually it grew into an e-mail list to women all over the world. This book is a compilation of some of these Monday morning thoughts and devotions. Though many of them are aimed at ministry wives in particular, the bulk of them would be applicable to any Christian women. Even those that are specific to pastor’s wives are helpful for the rest of us to read because they give us a window into some of the trials, temptations, thoughts, and feelings a pastor’s wife might wrestle with, and give us a better idea how to pray for and encourage our own.

There are 94 in all, each covering only one to three pages. They could be read one or two at a time straight through, or dipped into at random, or there is a topical index where you can look up columns by need, such as “When you’re discontent,” or “When you’re lonely,” etc.

I love Claudia’s way of writing and speaking. It’s simple, but deep; sweet, but clear. She advises with wisdom and grace. Often she goes straight to my heart.

Here are a few samples:

When a friend thought that “marrying a pastor morphed an ordinary woman into a super saint”: I’m sure in her own mind she was honoring me by placing me on a pedestal. That is, after all, where we place statues of people we admire. But it’s not a comfortable place for a plain old human to live. It’s lonely on a pedestal. Other people think you are looking down on them. There are pigeons. And if you stumble even once, you’ll fall off (p. 5).

The Christlike life has nothing at all to do with satisfying, coddling, or promoting self, but everything to do with being poured out for others (p. 55).

When discussing her husband’s tendency to “jump off cliffs” spiritually in “great leaps of faith” and her own tendency toward security: “The fences I thought meant security were the walls of a prison instead…A fearful spirit is never from the Lord (2 Timothy 1:7). It’s the prison, not the cliff, that’s the scary place. It’s awful to realize that my female anxieties can hinder God’s working through my husband. When His divine leading is clear to my human leader, it’s time for me to stop digging in my heels and join him in bold strides of faith, not because my husband is flawless, but because it’s God’s work we are doing, and He’s the One Who keeps us safe” (p. 123).

Stability is not innate or effortless for most of us female-type humans. Only in Christ is “no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” He is the solid, immutable Rock of Ages, and He can keep you stable. When your earth quakes, anchor your thoughts to His unchanging promises. When storms roll in, hide in His shadow. When you’re too tired to handle the demands of the day, let Him be the Rock of your strength. When your heart is unsatisfied, let the sweet water flowing from the Rock quench your thirst. Whenever any scary or upsetting thing happens, just run straight to the Rock (p. 153).

Sometimes all that’s needed to heal a wounded soul and lift a sagging spirit is one loving listener, for at its core, listening is love–love that sacrifices its need to be heard in favor of hearing, a desire to lecture in favor of learning, an opportunity to show off in favor of showing compassion. Instead of always leading the way, a patient listener, just by nodding in all the right places, can help a wanderer discover the right path on her own (p. 170).

You can read more samples of Claudia’s writing here in their web site. One of my all-time favorites, “His Dear Wife,” is not in the book but a copy is here. I previously reviewed her Bible study When Christ Was Here.

There is a Kindle version of The Monday Morning Club here. I hope you’ll give it a try. I think it will truly challenge, encourage, and bless you.

Laudable Linkage

Posted on April 4, 2015 by Barbara Harper

Here are some noteworthy reads from the last couple of weeks:

Shine Like Stars: Give and Rejoice {Philippians 2:17-18}. What it means for our lives to be poured like like a drink offering. Hit me right where and when I needed it.

10 Things We Don’t Want Our Kids to Learn From Church.

What these ladies did to turn a friend’s day around, and what they received in return. Loved this!

Why Can’t Christians Intelligently Discuss Current Events. “I suspect that by yelling so loudly about nearly everything, we’re obscuring the big thing (Matt. 12:36).”

Responding to the Increasingly Short Shelf-Life of Worship songs, HT to Challies. Songleaders/music pastors/worship leaders have an abundance of songs to choose from, and being able to project the words for all to see enables us to sing more than just what’s in the hymnbook. That’s good in many ways but complicates things in other ways. Though this was written to song leaders and such, it helped me to see what big job it is to choose songs from the multitude we have available. I especially appreciated his caveat that some songs are for just a season. It used to bother me that we heard some songs often for a while and then not at all – kind of like a current “hit” – but then I realized that even the older hymn-writers wrote many songs that we know nothing about now, so that must have happened then, too.

This is a neat overview of the Bible for kids, showing how it all points to Christ:

https://vimeo.com/123430346

Have a good weekend!

Laudable Linkage

Posted on January 24, 2015 by Barbara Harper

Its been another good week with some thought-provoking posts to ponder:

Open Roof Hospitality. Very convicting to me. If I had been the lady of the house whose roof was being torn up so people could bring their paralytic friend to Jesus, my first emotion would not have been gratitude and joy, I’m sure.

Pressing In To the Ungrateful.

Is It Possible For Christians to Idolize the Bible?

Seven Questions to Ask Before Having a Difficult Conversation.

The 3-Second Pause That Can Save a Morning and Spare Some Pain.

Six Observations About Speaking to Pastors Right Before They Preach. Although these are especially true for pastors for obvious reasons, many of them hold true for anyone. Once when my husband was the head usher in a very tightly packed church and was trying to find seats for people right before the service, someone who was also a neighbor chose that moment to tell him that he thought the lawn mower that we often let him borrow had been stolen. Hard to concentrate on anything in the service after that. 🙂

The Do Not Depart site has been focusing this month on what we can learn from the lives of Godly Women: Inspiring Stories of Faithful Daughters, mostly from the past. You know how much I love biographies, so I have enjoyed this series. So far they’ve shared from the lives of Corrie ten Boom, Susanna Wesley, Elisabeth Elliot, Helen Roseveare, Harriet Tubman, and Monica of Hippo (Augustine’s mother).

I saw this on Facebook and thought it rang very true. 🙂

The bad weather that was forecast for last night did not happen, yay! Have a wonderful Saturday!

Laudable Linkage

Posted on April 5, 2014 by Barbara Harper

On Saturdays I usually share a list of interesting links I’ve discovered the previous week. I have just a short list today.

When You’re Just Plain Tired of the Sacrifice.

Hoping Your Son Chooses a Godly Woman Some Day? Teach Them Whose They Are. “As my son searches for a spouse, may God’s light in her shine through…and catch his eye.”

World Vision Reverses Decision to Hire Christians in Same-Sex Marriages. I appreciated the way they responded to godly counsel (though it would have been better to have sought it beforehand) and appreciated that they mentioned loving ways it was pointed out that their actions had not been consistent with Scripture. I’ve seen a lot of not so loving responses, so this resonated with me.

Sympathy for the Devil. I’ve not seen the new “Noah” movie yet and don’t know if I will, but I’ve seen several reviews that mention plot points that leave me scratching my head. This post points out that the writers weren’t just taking creative liberties or being neglectful of the text: there is an underlying philosophy that dates clear back to the Gnostics. I had no idea that stuff was still alive and well.

When Women Start Saying “No” to Church Activities. I have mixed emotions about some of the points in this post, as I said in my comment there. I do think sometimes we need to adapt ourselves to the need rather than wanting everything adapted to us, on one hand, but on the other hand, yes, we do need to adapt to current lifestyles and find ways of ministry that edify rather than exhaust.

Virtuous Woman Subway Art.

Sherry at Semicolon is celebrating Poetry Month by sharing different types of poetry with an example each day this month.

Found this on Pinterest and it make me smile:

Seems like it has gone that way this year! But I hope winter is gone for good now (at least until next year).

I’ve listened to this several times this week. One of the most beauitful pieces of music ever written, “Gabriel’s Oboe” from Ennio Morricone’s “The Mission” has been merged with one of the grand old hymns, “How Great Thou Art.” Just lovely.