Time Travel Tuesday: Fight Edition

timetraveltuesday.gifAnnie created and hosts Time Travel Tuesday each week with a question about our past. It’s a lot of fun! Click on the button to join in.

The topic this week has to do with the stress of planning a wedding and whether we and our then-fiances had a big fight in regard to or in planning for the wedding.

Though we didn’t “fight” about it, our first serious disagreement in our relationship had to do with one aspect of our wedding. At the time I had only been to weddings at the church I had begun to attend while in high school, and though there was a little variation, they were pretty much done the same way. In one part of the ceremony, the couple knelt at a kneeling bench (that I think a man in the church made for the purpose) while the pastor prayed for them, and then usually someone sang at that point, either “The Lord’ Prayer” or some song that was basically a prayer for the couple (ours was “Nearer, Still Nearer” with the pronouns changed to plural and a few verses from “The Sands of Time Are Sinking” [the verses beginning “Oh, I am my beloved’s…” and “The bride eyes not her garments..” Both hymns can be sung to the same tune and coordinate quite well together.])

We got married while we were still in college and we were really tight on funds. In fact, looking back, I have no idea how we managed financially. My dear fiance objected to having to kneel before all those invited guests because the soles of his shoes were very worn and he couldn’t afford to get new ones for the wedding. But I was horrified at the thought of not having that part of the ceremony. It just wasn’t done!!

Looking back, that was so silly of me. I’ve attended multitudes of weddings since and learned there are dozens of ways to “do” weddings. We could have stood during that part of the ceremony or angled the kneeling bench so that our soles weren’t facing the people.

And you know what’s really funny? I can’t remember what we actually did do! I even looked back at our wedding pictures to see, but there is no picture of that part, and there were no videotapes back then. I think we did kneel as planned, my dear husband acquiescing to my desires. I wish I had been more sensitive to his.

If there is one piece of advice I would pass a long to brides about the ceremony itself, it would be to just relax. It’s a day that most brides have dreamed of for years, some since they were little girls, and some have actually had it all planned out for years even before having a fiance and without any consideration of what he might want. But the meaning and significance of the day can get somewhat lost in the details and stress and expense. I had a friend who was a wedding coordinator who finally gave it up because it was so stressful for her. I think the wedding that did her in was an outdoor wedding in August (that would be my second piece of advice — no outdoor weddings in August in the South!!) in which the bride got mad because some older people chose to stay in and watch from the lake house nearby because it was so hot and because the coordinator had the nerve to faint at the reception. This friend used to lament that most brides seem to spend much more time and thought on the wedding than on the marriage. A wedding is a beauitful rite, but keep the big picture in mind and don’t stress over details that no one will remember in the coming years.