This is something I wrote for our ladies’ ministry booklet for this month, and I thought I’d share it here:

I Peter 3: 3-4 tells us that “the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit…is in the sight of God of great price,” and it is to be more of what we focus on adorning ourselves with than outward ornamentations of jewelry, nice clothes, etc.

I think we have some idea of what meekness is: we’ve all heard the definition of “strength under control,” the illustration of a tamed horse. Meekness isn’t “wimpiness” or a lack of spirit. It is perfectly illustrated by Christ, who was “meek and lowly in heart.”

But I want to focus today on a quiet spirit. Does that mean a quiet person, an introvert? No, I think God created many different kinds of personalities to minister to many different kinds of people. There are certainly times to be quiet of mouth or to rein in an exuberant spirit, but I don’t think that is primarily what this is talking about. Some segments of Christendom have developed this idea into almost mysticism, but I don’t think that’s what the word “quietness” means, either.

Checking some of the Greek words translated “quiet” reveals synonyms like “peaceful, tranquil, restful, undisturbed.”

Why would we need instruction to have a tranquil, undisturbed spirit? Because we can get so easily disquieted in spirit. The Hebrew word for that has a much longer definition: “to murmur, growl, roar, cry aloud, mourn, rage, sound, make noise, tumult, turbulent, be clamorous, be disquieted, be loud, be moved, be troubled, be in an uproar, be in a stir, in a commotion, boisterous, clamorous.” That covers a lot of territory. Ever felt any of that? I sure have. There are numerous examples in Scripture, from the discouraged Psalmist in Psalm 42 to the clamorous foolish woman in Proverbs 9:13 to the contentious and angry woman in Proverbs 21:19 (the wilderness was preferred above dwelling with her) to the “devout and honorable women” who were nonetheless “stirred up” to persecute and expel Paul and Barnabas in Acts 13:50.

Obviously, being disquieted in spirit can not only put us in a bad mood, it can negatively effect those in our lives, especially those whom God gave us to minister to.

So how do we cultivate a quiet spirit? I’m still working on it myself, and whole books have been written on the subject, but meditating on these and similar verses helps.

Psalm 131:2: “Surely I have behaved and quieted myself, as a child that is weaned of his mother: my soul is even as a weaned child” (when something beloved and comforting is taken away).

Psalm 1:33: “But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil.” (Listening to God and His wisdom can quiet us from fear of evil.)

Proverbs 17:1: “Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices with strife.”

Ecclesiastes 4:6: “Better is an handful with quietness, than both the hands full with travail and vexation of spirit.”

Isaiah 30:15 is one of my all-time favorite verses: “For thus saith the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength,” and sadly, the verse goes on to say, “and ye would not.” In whatever situation disquiets us, we need to rest in the Lord, confident that He has everything under control and has reasons for what He is allowing. To me that’s the essence of a quiet spirit — one that is resting in the Lord.

Isaiah 32:17: “And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever.”

Psalm 46:10: “Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.”

Psalm 65:7: “Which stilleth the noise of the seas, the noise of their waves, and the tumult of the people.”

Matthew 11:28-29: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”

Peter begins the passage about having a meek and quiet spirit with the word ”likewise.” The verses he is referring back to there are at the end of I Peter 2 dealing with how Christ suffered at the hands of others without guile, without reviling. In the midst of pain and mistreatment by those whom He loved, He “committed himself to him that judgeth righteously.”

Drop Thy still dews of quietness,
Till all our strivings cease;
Take from our souls the strain and stress,
And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of Thy peace.

~ John Greenleaf Whittier

In the book Becoming God’s True Woman, Nancy Leigh DeMoss has a chapter on discretion which includes a study of the foolish woman in Proverbs 7. That triggered a further (though not exhaustive) study. Here are some of her characteristics (sentences within quotes are Miss DeMoss’s unless otherwise noted):

• She uses flattering words (also translated “smooth” or “seductive” in other versions), v. 5, 21.
• She is in the wrong place at the wrong time by choice; she goes to a place where it is easier to stray, vv 12-15.
• She dresses like a prostitute, v. 10.
• “She is religious; she tries to spiritualize her sensuality and immorality with talk about sacrifices and offerings,” v. 14.
• “She is not satisfied with the mate God has provided…Rather than looking to God to fulfill the deepest needs and longings of her heart, she focuses on what she does not have and looks to others to meet those needs. Rather than pouring her love, attention, and devotion upon her husband, she invests her heart, energy, and efforts in another man,” vv. 18-20.
• She is subtil or wily of heart, “crafty in her intent” (“the inward attitude that produces the outward manifestation”), v. 10.
• She is loud, stubborn, an impudent, vv. 10-13. “She does not exercise restraint or self-control…She is headstrong and defiant against God’s law and against the obligations of morality.”
• She is a gadabout, not content at home, v. 11 (see also I Timothy 5:13),
• She is aggressive in her relationship to men, v. 13-15.
• She is “consumed with physical, temporal values rather than that which is enduring,” v. 16-18.
• “She is indiscreet — she talks freely about intimate subjects that should be reserved for conversation with her husband,” vv. 16-18.
• She “does not understand the nature of true love. True love is giving, not getting…She is a taker rather than a giver. She seeks immediate gratification….She fails to think about the long-term consequences of her choices.”
• She indulges in what she thinks is secret sin while her husband is away, forgetting that God sees.
• Though others are responsible for their own sins, she uses her influence to bring them down rather than building them up, vv. 21-27.

Miss DeMoss points out that even though we may not consider ourselves to be full-blown foolish women, we need to be on guard against subtle foolish characteristics creeping into our lives.

By contrast, the wise woman:

• Fears God, Proverbs 31:30.
• “Openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ,” Proverbs 31:26.
• Is content to be a “keeper at home,” Titus 2:5. (This doesn’t mean she never leaves her house, but her focus and the bulk of her attention is on her home and family.)
• Loves her husband and children, Titus 2:4.
• Is focused more on inward character than outward adornment, I Peter 3:3-4.
• Is modestly attired, I Timothy 2:9.
• Is trustworthy, Proverbs 31:11.
• Has a meek and quiet spirit, I Peter 3:4.
• Is industrious, Proverbs 31:13-27.
• Is giving, Proverbs 31:20, Luke 8:3.
• Is discreet, Titus 2:5. (“of a sound mind, sane, in one’s senses, curbing one’s desires and impulses, self-controlled, temperate,” according to Bible Study Tools.)
• Is chaste, Titus 2:5.(“exciting reverence, venerable, sacred, pure; pure from carnality, chaste, modest; pure from every fault, immaculate; clean” according to Bible Study Tools.).
• Builds up instead of tearing down, Proverbs 14:1, Ephesians 4:29.
• Is praiseworthy, Proverbs 31:28-31.

Another vivid contrast between the wise and foolish woman is in Proverbs 9, where, interestingly, they start out with the exact same invitation.