I’m not sure where or when or how the phrase originated, but the last few years I’ve seen many women fretting over not being “enough.”
My first thought on hearing this was “Enough for what?” Enough for their responsibilities? For the demands on their time? Enough spiritually? Enough in their relationships?
My second thought was “Of course we’re not ‘enough.'”
In speaking of his ministry to the Corinthians, Paul states, “Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us” (2 Corinthians 3:5). In place of “sufficient,” some other translations use “competent,” “qualified,” “adequate”—all synonyms for “enough.” The dictionary definition for “sufficient” uses the word “enough.”
One commentary said this verse hearkened back to a question Paul asked in chapter 2, verse 16. After speaking about spreading the “fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere,” Paul asks, “Who is sufficient for these things?”
The answer is given in the second part of verse 5 in chapter 3: “But our sufficiency is from God.”
Other passages bring out these same truths.
In John 15:5, Jesus said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”
Jesus told His disciples in Matthew 26:41, “Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Paul agrees in Romans 7:18: “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.”
But, he says in Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”
And he said God told him, in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
And you know what’s even more amazing? God doesn’t do just what’s enough.
In 2 Corinthians 9:8, Paul says, “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.”
In Jeremiah 31:25, God says, “For I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul” (KJV and NKJV). Other versions say God satisfied the weary soul. The idea is being saturated, drinking one’s fill.
When Jesus fed 5,000 people in Matthew 14, there were twelve baskets of leftovers above and beyond what the crowd ate.
In Luke 6:38, Jesus said, “Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap.”
In Ephesians 3:20, Paul says, “Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us” (KJV and NKJV).
So, dear friend, don’t worry about your not-enoughness. Let it turn you to His all-sufficiency. Abide in Him like the branch abides in the vine, letting His Spirit work in and through you. Rest in His grace, His strength, His provision for every need, physical, spiritual, mental, emotional. He is enough. He is more than enough.
In my early Christian life, whenever something went wrong, I would doubt God’s love for me. When preachers said God did things for His glory and our good, I would think, “His glory maybe, but my good? How is this good for me?”
There may be many reasons for that reaction, too many to explore here. But surely one was being spiritually immature and not knowing my Bible well enough. Another was the mistaken (and also immature) notion that if God loved me, I wouldn’t have problems. A popular book at the time was If God Loves Me, Why Can’t I Get My Locker Open? I never read the book, but I identified with the feeling.
Satan has capitalized on those feelings since the beginning. When he came to tempt Adam and Eve, he questioned what God said, contradicted it, and insinuated that God didn’t really have their best in mind.
Perhaps that’s one reason Paul prays in Ephesians 3 that God would “grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” It’s interesting that the next well-known verse in that passage comes in this context: “Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”
God wants us to know and rest in His love.
Why?
Well, anyone who loves wants the other person to know it.
But also, when we’re secure in God’s love, we’ll be less inclined to believe Satan’s lies. We can go forward through whatever trial is ahead knowing God is with us and has allowed it for some good purpose. We can obey Him because we know He is good, righteous, kind, and loving. We can love others out of the overflow of God’s love to us.
So how can we remind ourselves of God’s love when we might not feel it?
Remember what He did to save you. God would not have put up with all He did throughout humanity’s history, and Jesus would not have come to earth to live and die for us, if they did not love us. John 3:16, probably the most famous Bible passage in the world, tells us, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”
God’s law convicted me of my sin and showed me my need for a Savior. But it was His love that drew me, that convinced me He would receive me. He loved me when I was still in sin, His enemy, and uninterested. “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).
Chas. H. Gabriel expressed this beautifully in his hymn “He Lifted Me”:
He called me long before I heard, Before my sinful heart was stirred, But when I took Him at His word, Forgiven, He lifted me.
From sinking sand He lifted me, With tender hand He lifted me, From shades of night to plains of light, O praise His name, He lifted me!
In Hosea, God says He drew Ephraim with “gentle cords, bands of love.” James Grindlay Small captures this in “I’ve Found a Friend”:
I’ve found a Friend, oh, such a Friend! He loved me ere I knew Him; He drew me with the cords of love, And thus He bound me to Him. And round my heart still closely twine Those ties which naught can sever, For I am His, and He is mine, Forever and forever.
Get to know God better. Jesus said, “And this is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent” (John 17:3). Eternal life begins with knowing God. But we come to know Him increasingly more through our lives. We learn about Him from nature and other people, but the primary way of knowing Him better is through His Word. The more we know Him, the more we rest in His character and love.
Remember how He has blessed you. I’ve mentioned before “Ebenezers,” those times in your life when you especially saw God move and work in your behalf.
Meditate on His Word. I’ve referred to a few verses about God’s love. Here are a few more:
The LORD delights in you (Isaiah 62:4).
Can a woman forget her nursing child,that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?Even these may forget,yet I will not forget you.Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;your walls are continually before me.(Isaiah 49:15-16).
The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love (Psalm 147:11).
The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness;he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing (Zephaniah 3:17).
But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness (Psalm 86:15).
As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love (John 15:9).
See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are (1 John 3:1).
In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:37-39).
May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ. (2 Thessalonians 3:5).
Listen to Scripture-based songs about God’s love, or read the lyrics. I’ve mentioned a few already. Here are some more:
Could we with ink the ocean fill, And were the skies of parchment made; Were every stalk on earth a quill, And every man a scribe by trade; To write the love of God above Would drain the ocean dry; Nor could the scroll contain the whole, Though stretched from sky to sky.
Here is love, vast as the ocean, Loving-kindness as the flood, When the Prince of Life, our Ransom, Shed for us His precious blood. Who His love will not remember? Who can cease to sing His praise? He can never be forgotten, Throughout heav’n’s eternal days.
“How Deep the Father’s Love For Us” by Stuart Townend (This is still under copyright, so I won’t post its lyrics, but you can find them here).
“O Wondrous Love” by Steve and Vikki Cook is also still under copyright: the lyrics are here.
Loved with everlasting love, Led by grace that love to know; Spirit, breathing from above, Thou hast taught me it is so. Oh, this full and perfect peace! Oh, this transport all divine! In a love which cannot cease, I am His, and He is mine.
In heavenly love abiding, No change my heart shall fear; And safe is such confiding, For nothing changes here: The storm may roar without me, My heart may low be laid; But God is round about me, And can I be dismayed?
Remember God’s love and truth work hand in hand. Some people emphasize God’s love to the exclusion of His righteousness and holiness. They see God as a doddering old grandfather who overlooks any wrongdoing and slips them sweets when their mother isn’t looking. They don’t understand that God is a God of truth as well as love, that it wouldn’t be loving of Him to let us go on in our sin without chastening.
A loving parent has to say no sometimes, or require hard things. A child might feel the parent would show more love by giving everything the child wants or making life easy. But that kind of behavior is selfish rather than loving, wanting the child’s approval (or wanting to avoid a tantrum) instead of doing what would build the child’s character.
Remember God’s love is based on His character, not ours. When we’re doing what we’re supposed to, we “feel” loved by God. But when we fall and fail, we feel maybe His love has dimmed a little, if not evaporated.
But the Bible tells us that “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust (Psalm 103:13-14). Verse 17 goes on to say, “But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him.”
He chastens us like a father because He loves us (Hebrew 12:5-11).
Though John 3:16 says God loves the world, that doesn’t mean the whole world has automatically become His. Some reject or ignore God’s love and gifts.
“God gave us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life” (1 John 5:11-12).
If you do know God, rest in His love, remind yourself of it often.
May you “come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him” (1 John 4:16).
In the USA, we’ve just celebrated Thanksgiving. Deliberately set for the time just after harvest, the holiday traditionally called for joy and thankfulness when provisions for the next year had been safely gathered in.
Though not everyone farms or gardens these days, we still use this time to remind ourselves just how blessed we are. Those who know the Lord, and even some who don’t, thank God for what He has given.
But I’ve learned from farming friends and history that not all harvests are created equal. One can do everything possible to raise a crop, but one can’t make anything grow. Bad weather, drought, insect invasion, or plant disease can diminish, if not totally wipe out a crop.
Some Thanksgiving seasons find us overflowing with burdens rather than blessings.
What then?
It’s relatively easy to thank God in times of health and plenty. But in times of want, illness, or sorrow, are we exempt from thanking God?
I think of Philippians 4:11-12, where Paul says, “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.”
Content in all things? Even in hunger or need?
Why would God allow His children to suffer need?
To convict of sin. Often in the Old Testament, when Israel looked to idols or other countries for help instead of God, God allowed them to suffer need. This wasn’t vindictive or petty. In love, God had to let them see that other sources they looked to were useless and powerless. This doesn’t mean every trial or need comes because one has sinned. But trials provide a good opportunity to see if any sin is hindering God from answering our prayers.
To sanctify and humble us. Paul said his thorn in 2 Corinthians 12 was given “to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations” given to him.
To help us grow. In John 15, Jesus said He was the vine, his Father the vinedresser, and we’re the branches. Then He said, “Every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit” (verse 2). I’m not good with plants, but I have discovered the truth of this principle. Many plants don’t grow as they should if they’re not cut back at times.Trimming the branches helps the plants grow not only more healthy, but more blooms. So when God removes something from our lives, we grow in ways we would not have without that pruning.
To bring us to maturity. James i:2-4 says, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
To turn our hearts to what is most important. At the end of Israel’s years in the wilderness, God told them, “You shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.” (Deuteronomy 8:2-3).
As a testimony that we don’t serve Him just for His blessings. That’s what Satan accused Job of: that Job only served God because God had blessed him so much. Take away his blessings, Satan urged, and Job will curse You (Job 1). Job went through a rough time and questioned God, but he didn’t turn away from Him in faithlessness.
Elisabeth Elliot wrote in her September/October 1984 newsletter (which was later published in Keep a Quiet Heart), “It had to be proved to Satan, in Job’s case, that there is such a thing as obedient faith which does not depend on receiving only benefits. Jesus had to show the world that He loved the Father and would, no matter what happened, do exactly what He said. The servant is not greater than his Lord. When we cry ‘Why, Lord?’ we should ask instead, ‘Why not, Lord? Shall I not follow my Master in suffering as in everything else?’ Does our faith depend on having every prayer answered as we think it should be answered, or does it rest rather on the character of a sovereign Lord?”
She goes on to say, “Genuine faith is–the kind of faith that overcomes the world because it trusts and obeys, no matter what the circumstances. The world does not want to be told. The world must be shown.”
You might think, “Okay, I can see why God might allow us to suffer need sometimes. But how can I be content even then? I have a hard enough time being content even when everything is going well.”
In the Philippians 2 passage mentioned earlier, where Paul speaks of being content in every situation, whether in plenty or need, he follows that statement with a verse that we take out of context and apply to everything else: “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
I’ve found it amusing when two Christian ball teams claim Philippians 1:13 as they compete against each other. They’re thinking of it in terms of winning. But one team will need His strength to lose well.
In 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, Paul shares that he prayed three times for God to remove his “thorn in the flesh,” whatever that actually entailed. But God did not remove the difficulty. Instead, he promised, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness” (NKJV).
Paul’s response? He didn’t whine, “That’s not fair.” He didn’t get angry. He said, “Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Perhaps that’s the main reason God sometimes lets us suffer need: to cause us to rely on Him.
This doesn’t mean we never seek help or take measures to deal with our needs. But we realize God is the giver of all good gifts. We can’t do anything without Him. He’s promised to meet all our needs. We don’t have to worry and fret: we can rest in His care and timing.
One time I experienced these things was minor in the grand scheme of things, but major at the time. I was getting ready to leave for a writer’s conference and prayed for a good night’s sleep. I wasn’t consciously nervous, at least not like I had been the first time I went. But I only got about an hour’s sleep all night. I tossed, turned, went to the couch, tried all my usual tricks like listening to soft music, prayed and prayed and prayed. Yet sleep wouldn’t come.
I got up around 4:30 and took a shower. I had a three-hour drive ahead of me, but knew it wasn’t safe to get behind the week in the state I was in. I had asked the Lord to search my heart for anything amiss and to help me know if this was His way of telling me not to go. I decided to try to take a nap in my desk chair and asked God to multiply my sleep like the loaves and fishes so it would be enough.
I woke up and headed out. I missed the opening session, but it wasn’t critical, and I had a wonderful time at the conference.
However, I was still confused, and even hurt, to tell the truth, that God had not answered my prayer for a good night’s sleep.
Over the next few days, some of these principles came to mind and helped. Then I realized God had answered my prayer—just not in the way I expected. The sleep I got was sufficient for my needs, even though it normally would not have been.
I’m still not sure why God allowed things to happen just that way. All I know is, sometimes He brings us to the end of ourselves so that all we can do is lay our need before Him. When we look to Him alone, He gives us the strength and grace we need.
“To give thanks is not the same as ‘feeling thankful.’ To give thanks in the midst of pain and problems is to take a step of faith based on the command of1 Thessalonians 5:18: God tells us to give thanks in all circumstances (not just those we can handle or feel on top of). For what things can you give thanks, even while you’re hurting?“
Joni Eareckson Tada, A Thankful Heart in a World of Hurt
Though the world is full of trouble, and we have trials and problems, God has given us much to be thankful for. He is with those who believe on Him and promises to give us everything we need. He blesses us beyond measure.
I was talking with a friend recently about how, with all God’s blessings and all we have to be thankful for, we should be overflowing with gratitude.
Instead, we often have to “make” ourselves stop and think about thankfulness.
Oh, sometimes we’re spontaneously inspired to praise God when we see a beautiful sunset, or when someone does something unexpected for us. We love that Thanksgiving gives us an opportunity to focus on our blessings. Some even post on blogs or social media something they are grateful for every day in November.
Those are all good practices.
But what about the rest of the year? How can we overcome the distraction of everyday cares and duties to be intentionally thankful?
Here are a few ideas:
Read the Bible regularly. Not only will we see multitudes of things to be thankful for, but we’ll see examples of how people thanked God. The admonition to “let the word of Christ dwell in you richly” in Colossians 3:16-17 is sandwiched between verses telling us to be thankful, suggesting a connection.
Some years ago I did a Thanksgiving Bible Study that turned out to be a big blessing. Just looking up a few verses with “thanks” or “thanksgiving” in a concordance will inspire us.
The psalmists talk about their problems, confusion, and pain, but the psalms are threaded through with hope and praise. The last several psalms especially focus on praising the Lord in just about every manner possible.
Psalm 145 is one of many that shares the two main categories of things we praise God for: who He is, and what He has done. The first seven verses say:
I will extol you, my God and King, and bless your name forever and ever. 2 Every day I will bless you and praise your name forever and ever. 3 Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable.
4 One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts. 5 On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate. 6 They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds, and I will declare your greatness. 7 They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness and shall sing aloud of your righteousness.
Pray. We can ask God to open our hearts to see the ways He has blessed us and help us not to just mention them rotely, but to be truly thankful. It helps, also, to turn psalms or thanksgiving passages into prayer.
Some incorporate a regular time for giving thanks in their prayer time. Some use the acronym A.C.T.S.:
A: Adoration, praise C: Confession of sin T: Thanksgiving S: Supplication, or requests
Say thank you to God immediately.We’re taught from an early age to say thank you when someone gives to us or does for us. Why not do that with God in real time all through the day?
Thank you for this good parking space!
Thank you for helping me see that unadvertised markdown on pork chops at the store.
Thank you for helping that difficult conversation go well.
What beautiful tiny flowers by the sidewalk. Thank you for creating them and putting them here for me to see. What artistry You put even in a small gathering of blooms.
We don’t have to wait untll our official prayer time to mention these things. We’d likely forget most of them then. But we can keep up a running conversation with God all through the day.
Recall blessings as you fall asleep. I used to listen to music as I fell asleep. More recently, I set my audiobook timer. But as Bing Crosby crooned in the movie White Christmas, we can “Count your blessings instead of sheep.” I don’t know if the songwriter had the psalms in mind, but David wrote, “My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night;for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy” (Psalm 63:5-7).
Start a gratitude journal. Some like to keep a running record of what they are thankful for. This has two advantages. Writing them down helps reinforce them in our minds, and we’re blessed again when we later peruse our written records.
Recount your Ebenezers, In 1 Samuel 7, Samuel set up a stone to commemorate the Lord’s help, calling it an “Ebenezer,” which means “stone of help.” Some years ago I was encouraged to make a list of those special times in life when I especially saw God’s hand at work. As we tell stories of God’s faithfulness and blessings, we encourage ourselves and others.
Set times for thanksgiving. Some families make time on Thanksgiving Day for everyone to share something they are thankful about. Why not do this at intervals through the year?
Use music. Elisabeth Elliot wrote in On Asking God Why: “When I stumble out of bed in the morning, put on a robe, and go into my study, words do not spring spontaneously to my lips–other than words like, ‘Lord, here I am again to talk to you. It’s cold. I’m not feeling terribly spiritual….’ Who can go on and on like that morning after morning, and who can bear to listen to it day after day?”
She goes on to say that two things helped her. One was the book of psalms. She writes of David: “He found expression for praise far beyond my poor powers, so I use his and am lifted out of myself, up into heights of adoration, even though I’m still the same ordinary woman alone in the same little room.” The other help was hymns. She cites a few and writes, “By putting into words things on earth for which we thank him, we are training ourselves to be ever more aware of such things as we live our lives. It is easy otherwise to be oblivious of the thousand evidences of his care.”
Many hymns contain thanksgiving, but they also have phrases that could be turned into prayers of thanks.
Here are a couple of my favorites:
“Thanks to God for My Redeemer” sung by the Sacred Music Services‘ men’s chorus.
“My Heart is Filled with Thankfulness” (written by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend. I don’t know the folks in the video, but I like this version).
What about when we don’t really feel thankful?
Thanksgiving isn’t a feeling; it’s an action. We can give God thanks whether we feel thankful or not. Usually, once we do, the feelings come.
And usually, once we start looking for things to thank God for, it’s hard to stop.
How about you? Do any of these practices resonate with you? Do you have other ways to be intentionally thankful through the year?
We probably all know what it’s like not to be chosen in some way.
Some of us were always among the last chosen for any kind of physical game. Others were chosen last for the spelling bee.
We might not have been chosen for cheerleader, class president, or homecoming queen. Perhaps the person we liked in college chose someone else.
As adults we might not get the expected promotion or desired assignment.
As writers, we watch others get agents or contracts or win contests while we don’t seem to be making any progress.
I thought of this in the contrasting reactions of Esau and Jonathan in the Bible. In the normal scheme of things, each would have succeeded his father as leader. But God chose someone else instead.
Esau was the oldest son in his family, a position of privilege and honor in Bible times. Yet before he and his twin brother, Jacob, were even born, God said “the older shall serve the younger” (Genesis 25:23). Neither of them were ideal sons, but this pronouncement was made before they had done anything.
What was Esau’s response when Jacob received the birthright and blessing that would normally have gone to Esau? He hated Jacob and planned to kill him after their father died. (Genesis 27:41). Granted, Jacob obtained those things by deception and manipulation rather than waiting for God’s timing. But Esau had shown by his previous actions where his values were.
Jonathan was the oldest son of Israel’s first king, Saul. God rejected Saul due to his disobedience (1 Samuel 15). Jonathan could have ranted and raved that it wasn’t his fault that his father disobeyed God. Jonathan had good character and a good reputation. Why not make him king instead of his father?
But Jonathan didn’t grouse and complain and whine. He protected David from the machinations of Saul.
Years later, David had his own “not chosen” moment.
David wanted to build a temple where people could worship God. Nathan, the prophet of God, thought that was a good idea.
But that night, God told Nathan that David was not to build the temple. One of his sons, Solomon, would. God had other things, great things in store for David.
Did David sulk? No, he responded in humility, thankfulness, and love. Then he did everything in his power to help and prepare Solomon.
What are some things we can learn from not being the chosen one?
Sometimes not being chosen has nothing to do with merit. Jonathan was a fine, godly young man. But God had chosen David to be the next king.
But sometimes not being chosen does result from one’s actions. Saul lost his kingship because of disobedience. He still could have repented and gotten right with God, even if he was never reinstated as king. But he didn’t. Others in Scripture were removed from their positions for disobedience as well.
God sets up one and puts down another (Psalm 75:6-7). Sometimes we’ve prayed hard and long for election results that did not go the way we thought they would. All we know is that God has the big picture in mind.
God gives gifts and abilities. Though I probably could have worked hard and improved in playing some athletic game, if I had wanted to, I would never have been a star athlete. My gifts were elsewhere.
One of my favorite passages tells how God gifted different people to do various kinds of work on the tabernacle, even down to those who worked with metal, wood, weaving, and embroidery. The New Testament lists different spiritual gifts God distributes to Christians. One of those passages is 1 Corinthians 12, where Paul goes on to compare the church to a body, where it would be strange if we were all eyes or hands. We need different parts of the body to perform their function.
God has a plan for us. He may have chosen someone else for the particular opportunity we had in mind. But that doesn’t mean we’re on the bench. We need to seek His will for us and serve in the capacity He brings before us.
We can help and support the chosen one. Just as Jonathan helped David and David helped Solomon, we can aid the person chosen to do what we wanted to do.
One of our former pastors said he viewed his position as that of Elisha, who “poured water on the hands of Elijah” (2 Kings 3:11). That phrase conveys service and attending to the needs of another. This associate pastor wanted to serve and help the senior pastor as much as he could.
We can be content in God’s will and calling. In the book On Asking God Why, Elisabeth Elliot tells of a time when missionary Amy Carmichael was to attend a missions conference with a dear friend, nicknamed Twin. But when she saw the list of assigned seats for dinner, Twin was to be seated next to another friend, Mina. Amy wrote to her family:
Well, I was very glad that dear Mina should have Twin, and I don’t think I grudged her to her one little bit, and yet at the bottom of my heart there was just a touch of disappointment, for I had almost fancied I had somebody of my very own again, and there was a little ache somewhere. I could not rejoice in it. . .I longed, yes longed, to be glad, to be filled with such a wealth of unselfish love that I should be far gladder to see those two together than I should have been to have had Twin to myself. And while I was asking for it, it came. For the very first time I felt a rush, a real joy in it, His joy, a thing one cannot pump up or imitate or force in any way. . .Half-unconsciously, perhaps, I had been saying, ‘Thou and Twin are enough for me’–one so soon clings to the gift instead of only to the Giver.
It’s all about God’s glory and purposes. When Israel was going to fight against the Midianites who were oppressing them, God told Gideon his army was too big (Judges 7). They would be proud and attribute their win to their own abilities. God told Gideon to tell everyone who was afraid to go home: 22,000 did, leaving 10,000 still ready to fight. God said that was still too many. He sent them all to some nearby water to get a drink. Some of the men bent down and lapped the water like a dog. Others knelt down and cupped the water into their hands to drink. I’ve heard many sermons where the preacher read between the lines and proposed all kinds of reasons why God chose one group over the other. But that’s just speculation. The Bible doesn’t give us God’s reasoning. Personally, I think God just chose whichever group was the smallest. The 300 who lapped went on and won a miraculous victory that showcased God’s power, not their own.
Amy Carmichael’s original ministry in India involved evangelizing women. God used her remarkably in that capacity. Then she learned that little girls were being sold into temple prostitution. Elisabeth Elliot writes that Amy “prayed that God would enable her to find a way to rescue some of them, even though not one had ever been known to escape. Several years later, God began to answer that prayer…and in a few years Amy Carmichael was Amma (“Mother”) to a rapidly growing Indian family that, by the late 1940s, numbered about 900.” Amy struggled a bit with the fact that this ministry to girls (which later included boys) was quite different from what she had been doing. She was even criticized in some corners. But she felt that teaching, training, protecting, and taking care of children was only a different ministry, not lesser one.
Elisabeth Elliot wrote this about jobs, but it’s true for positions and ministries and opportunities as well:
This job has been given to me to do. Therefore, it is a gift. Therefore, it is a privilege. Therefore, it is an offering I may make to God. Therefore, it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God’s way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness.
In a sense, we’re all chosen. We may not have gotten what we originally wanted. But for those who trust in Christ’s saving work on the cross to atone for their sins, “we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10). Whether we serve out in front or in obscurity, in a desired or unwanted position, with people who love us or people who try us, we can serve God by His grace, for His honor and glory.
I’m not sure I like the term “empty nest” as a description of life when children grow up and leave home.
Have you ever seen a used empty nest?
Some type of little brown birds used to build a nest every year on top of the corner post of the porch. We could watch their life cycle from our front door: the parents building the nest, the mother sitting, the babies growing and straining their beaks toward the food brought by the parents.
Finally, the parent birds would fly to a nearby bush and call for the babies to come. The babies didn’t move from the nest at first. But eventually, one by one, they flew off.
When we were sure they weren’t coming back, we’d take the nest down and brush away the debris of broken twigs and bird droppings from the post. The nest itself was a mess, as four or five baby birds lived there for weeks without a designated spot for relieving themselves.
Mother bird and I share similarities of raising a flock who have successfully gone on to live independently as adults. But that tattered, speckled, messy weaving of twigs doesn’t match up with how I envision my home or life after grown children leave.
As my oldest sons approached adulthood, I wasn’t sure how I’d cope when they left home. I always felt being a wife and mother were my main responsibilities and priorities. How could such an intense relationship with daily interaction abruptly change? How could I suddenly flip a switch from full-time mother to a “retired” one?
Actually, it wasn’t such a sudden switch after all. From the time we first teach them to feed and dress themselves and become responsible, we show them how to start operating independently of us. As they learn to drive, become involved in youth group or music lessons or a part-time job, they spend more and more time away from us. They go to camp and then youth group mission trips. When they go away to college, they take first steps towards adult living while coming home for breaks. (Even though mine commuted to college while living at home, they spent their days and evenings away.)
So by the time kids leave home, they and their parents have had some experience being separated.
Still, that initial move away from home is hard. My middle son left first, getting married a couple of months after college graduation. It didn’t hit me until he started bringing home boxes to pack his stuff in. When I got teary, he made a sign that said “Sewing Room” and put it on his door.
Even though he didn’t live under our roof after marriage, he and his wife lived just a few minutes away, and we saw them frequently.
Then we found out that we were going to be the ones moving away when my husband’s job transferred him to TN.
My oldest lived at home for a while after graduation, not sure what his next steps should be. But when we found we were moving, he decided it was time to step out. He had several friends in RI, and one of them offered him a job.
So it felt like our “nest” emptied by two-thirds all at once, as we left my middle son and his wife in SC, and our oldest went to RI, and we moved to TN.
That was agonizingly hard for all of us.
My youngest son moved with us, finished high school, and attended college locally. He lived at home for a few more years, but moved out a couple of years ago. He’s not far away, thankfully, though he’s talking about (and I am praying against) possibly moving to Washington state or Canada.
So my “nest” has been officially empty for a few years now. Here are some thoughts that helped the transition.
Though our children don’t live at home any more, I have not stopped being a mother.
I miss the everyday hearing how their day went and knowing what they’re up to. But I’m abundantly thankful for texts, emails, and FaceTime.
Sometimes they ask advice, and I try to refrain from offering any unless asked.
We still see each other frequently.
I still pray for them, sometimes I think even more intensely.
Though wifing and mothering were my first priorities, they weren’t exclusive. How much to be involved in other things was always a struggle as my children were growing up. But I felt service, both within church and to individual people, was important. I wanted to serve, but I also wanted them to see service was a normal part of Christian life.
I also wanted them to see that hobbies and friendships with others outside the home were healthy.
I had things to look forward to when my kids moved out. Though I missed them, I enjoyed turning one of their bedrooms into a sewing/craft room. Not only was that fun, but it helped so much to have a place for all my materials, to work on projects, and to leave them out.
I look forward to writing more.
I enjoy being able to pick up and and go somewhere with my husband without concerns about babysitters or teenagers at home.
I could “mother”others. Titus 2 specifically instructs older women to teach and encourage younger women. Sometimes that happens via a formal mentoring situation; most often it happens through friendships and “doing life” together. Though we might not consider ourselves “older women” when the nest first empties, we’re older than someone and can encourage them along the way.
Phyllis Le Peau followed Jesus’ admonition “to feed the hungry, care for widows, and visit those in prison.” She found ways to serve in each of those areas.
My mother-in-law’s hospice chaplain had taken on that as well as a jail ministry in retirement years.
An older lady in our church took it upon herself to visit my mother-in-law a couple of times a month in assisted living. When we moved and my mother-in-law lived with us, one lady in the church wrote regular newsy notes.
I think older women are some of the best at what someone called the “ministry of the pew”–showing an interest and talking with others. At every church we visited in the last year and a half, there was always an older woman who went beyond “We’re glad to have you with us” to make us feel especially welcome.
God’s grace is sufficient for every need at hand. God will enable us to transition to the empty nest years when they arrive—not three years before. He is always with those who believe on Him. He created the family structure such that our children grow up, “leave father and mother,” and serve Him as adults. We can trust Him for our children as they leave the nest, and for ourselves as we serve Him in different ways.
I loved being a full-time mother. But God doesn’t want me to live with regret and longing for the past. He has something for me at each new stage of life.
It’s easy to get whipped into anger and indignation these days. With social media, we hear people’s conflicting opinions more than we used to. News outlets keep the injustices of the world constantly before our eyes.
Some time ago, I noticed the harmful effect of stirred-up women in Acts 13:50. In the KJV this passage says: “But the Jews stirred up the devout and honourable women, and the chief men of the city, and raised persecution against Paul and Barnabas, and expelled them out of their coasts.” Some other translations use the word “stirred”; some say “incited.”
In this chapter, Paul and Barnabas had come to Antioch and shared the gospel, and many believed. “But when the Jews saw the crowds, they were filled with jealousy and began to contradict what was spoken by Paul, reviling him,” verse 45 (ESV). Then by verse 50 the Jews stirred up others to expel the preachers.
I know the passage refers to men as well, but it struck me both as a woman reader and as someone who has seen the results of getting stirred up woman both in others and in myself.
One can be stirred up in a bad way (all references are from the ESV unless otherwise noted):
All day long they injure my cause; all their thoughts are against me for evil. They stir up strife, they lurk; they watch my steps, as they have waited for my life (Psalm 56:5-6).
Deliver me from those who work evil, and save me from bloodthirsty men. For behold, they lie in wait for my life; fierce men stir up strife against me. For no transgression or sin of mine, O Lord, for no fault of mine, they run and make ready (Psalm 59:2-3).
Deliver me, O Lord, from evil men; preserve me from violent men, who plan evil things in their heart and stir up wars continually (Psalm 140:1-2).
Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses (Proverbs 10:12).
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1).
A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention (Proverbs 17:18).
A greedy man stirs up strife, but the one who trusts in the Lord will be enriched (Proverbs 28:25).
A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression (Proverbs 29:22).
And they stirred up the people and the elders and the scribes, and they came upon him [Jesus] and seized him and brought him before the council (Acts 6:12).
Then all the city was stirred up, and the people ran together. They seized Paul and dragged him out of the temple, and at once the gates were shut. And as they were seeking to kill him, word came to the tribune of the cohort that all Jerusalem was in confusion (Acts 21:30-31). (There are several passages in Acts about people being stirred up after the apostles preached.)
As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned (Titus 3:10-11).
Or one can be stirred up in a good way:
And they came, everyone whose heart stirred him, and everyone whose spirit moved him, and brought the Lord‘s contribution to be used for the tent of meeting, and for all its service, and for the holy garments (Exodus 35:21).
And every skillful woman spun with her hands, and they all brought what they had spun in blue and purple and scarlet yarns and fine twined linen. All the women whose hearts stirred them to use their skill spun the goats’ hair [for the tabernacle] (Exodus 35:25-26).
And Moses called Bezalel and Oholiab and every craftsman in whose mind the Lord had put skill, everyone whose heart stirred him up to come to do the work (Exodus 36:2).
Then rose up the heads of the fathers’ houses of Judah and Benjamin, and the priests and the Levites, everyone whose spirit God had stirred to go up to rebuild the house of the Lord that is in Jerusalem (Ezra 1:5).
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near (Hebrews 10:23-25).
Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands (2 Timothy 1:6, KJV).
Therefore I intend always to remind you of these qualities [in verses 3-11], though you know them and are established in the truth that you have. I think it right, as long as I am in this body, to stir you up by way of reminder…(2 Peter 1:13).
This is now the second letter that I am writing to you, beloved. In both of them I am stirring up your sincere mind by way of reminder, that you should remember the predictions of the holy prophets and the commandment of the Lord and Savior through your apostles (2 Peter 3:1-2).
Furthermore, “stirring” can be done by God, by ourselves, by other people, and by situations.
Sometimes we need stirring. Hosea speaks of sinful people “like a heated oven whose baker ceases to stir the fire” (7:4b). A fire that’s not stirred might go out. Food that isn’t stirred while cooking will heat unevenly.
But sometimes we’re stirred up to the point of getting out of hand. Whipping cream is supposed to be stirred into a frenzy, but not scrambled eggs or vegetable soup. We can be rightly stirred up about an issue and handle it wrongly.
So when I feel “stirred up,” I need to ask myself:
What is stirring me up? Is this from God, from myself, from others?
What emotions are stirred up? Anger, spite, selfishness, jealousy? Or love and compassion?
Am I being stirred up to a mindless, destructive frenzy or to purposeful usefulness?
What am I stirred up to do? Lash out? Exact vengeance? Harm? Put someone in their place? Use my gifts to help others? Serve? Love?
I think of Amy Carmichael, stirred to compassion and action when a young Indian girl came to her care, rescued from being sold into prostitution at a temple in India. Amy eventually directed the building of an entire compound to house and teach both boys and girls.
Or William Wilberforce and Hannah More, who not only prayed against the evil of slavery but were stirred up to fight against it.
When I first read of the stirred-up women in Acts13, I only saw the danger. Their stirring led to the persecution of God’s messengers.
But after this study, I see being stirred up not just as a danger, but as a power for good or evil. Self examination in the light of God’s Word will help me understand whether that stirring is something I need to yield to or to confess and repent of.
Moses wrote, “The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty; yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away” (Psalm 90:10).
World events show just how quickly a skirmish can turn into a war, an illness can lead to a pandemic, problems with the supply chain have a ripple effect.
Then we have personal troubles: finances, illnesses, job, relationships.
And some troubles seem minor in the grand scheme of things, but loom large at the time.
Sometimes, in the midst of trouble, God seems far away. Job wished he could have a one-on-one meeting with God (which eventually happened, though the exchange didn’t go as Job envisioned it.). Many of the psalmists said things like “Why, O Lord, do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?” (Psalm 10:1).
But God is not far away.
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1).
When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him (Psalm 91:15).
Most of the psalmists worked their way back to that reality before they ended. They didn’t contradict themselves or each other, but, like us, they needed to reorient their thoughts from how things felt to eternal truth.
God invites us to “call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me” (Psalm 50:15).
Be not far from me, for trouble is near, and there is none to help (Psalm 22:11).
The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins (Psalm 25:17-18).
He hides, protects us in trouble.
For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock (Psalm 27:5).
You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance (Psalm 32:7).
He’s our stronghold in trouble.
The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him (Nahum 1:7).
The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; he is their stronghold in the time of trouble. (Psalm 37:39).
He delivers us out of trouble.
This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. . . .When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles (Psalm 34:6, 17).
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress (Psalm 107:6).
We need to keep our focus on Him:
But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things,but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:41-41).
Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me (John 14:1).
Since He is with us in trouble and helps, protects, strengthens, and delivers, we can have peace.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid (John 14:27).
And we can praise and glorify Him.
Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he has redeemed from trouble (Psalm 107:2).
Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me (Psalm 50:15).
May we always know God’s presence, protection, and peace in trouble.
Out of the hundreds of messages I heard in chapel and Sundays services while in college forty-plus years ago, I only remember three.
I know the other messages, as well as room, prayer group, and class devotions, nourished me spiritually, just like physical meals nourished my body whether I remember them or not.
But one of these three most memorable messages was about failure. I can’t remember the specific points the speaker made, but the gist was that God can use failure in your life.
That was news to me, but good news which I really needed to hear.
I’m not sure why I was so driven to excel academically. My mom was intelligent but said she graduated by “the skin of her teeth.” My father quit high school to join the military before the Korean conflict. So neither of them pressured me to live up to a familial ideal. But perhaps their praise of good report cards and my grade-school teachers’ gold stars motivated me to keep earning those rewards. Or maybe my naturally quiet, studious, analytical nature and total lack of athletic ability bent me towards books rather than the kickball field.
At any rate, until college, I was a mostly A student, with a smattering of B’s, an occasional C, and one devastating D (in third grade handwriting).
College was a different ball game. I understood the material, but I didn’t know how to use my time well. Consequently, assignments got turned in late or partially finished, and grades were marked down.
I wasn’t technically failing. But I had a C average, which felt like failure to me. I even had a D in a major class (Food Prep, of all things, though my family has not complained about my cooking and they all appear well-nourished). I had to take another class in my major to replace the one I made a D in.
To do my best, to work full tilt, and still not get things in on time was failing miserably in my book.
So I was at a pretty low point when I heard this message on failure, and I was greatly ministered to by it.*
Of course, since then, I’ve learned there are worse failures than poor (or “average”) grades. I have failed to love as I should. I’ve failed to share Christ as I should. I have opened my mouth and failed to open it at the wrong times. I have been judgemental. I have lost my temper.
Though I can’t remember the specific points of that long-ago message, our pastor’s recent sermon about Peter’s denial reminded me of some lessons from failure. But Peter had more than one failure.
Dear Peter. You have to love the guy. He was so earnest, and he wanted to do right. But his speak first, think later impulsiveness combined with a lack of full understanding got him into trouble.
Just after feeding the 5,000, Jesus sent the disciples ahead in a boat while He dismissed the crowds and prayed. Then Jesus walked on the water to the disciples, who were struggling in a storm. Peter called out, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” Jesus did, so Peter did. Peter was doing fine until he took his eyes of Jesus and became afraid. Then he began to sink until Jesus saved him.
Later, just after Peter declared that Jesus was the Christ, the long-awaited Messiah (Matthew 16:13-20), Jesus began to talk about going to Jerusalem and facing suffering, persecution, and death. That didn’t fit with Peter’s idea of what the Messiah was going to do. “Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, ‘Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you.’ But he turned and said to Peter, ‘Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.'”(Matthew 16:21-23).
Imagine, rebuking Jesus! We might think we’ve never done that. But have we argued with Him, or fussed that things weren’t happening as we thought and expected they should?
Later, just after the last supper, Jesus foretold that the disciples would fall away and be scattered that very night (Matthew 26:31-32). But Peter staunchly disagreed and asserted, “Though they all fall away because of you, I will never fall away.” Jesus said Peter would deny Him three times. Peter again argued, “Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you!” (verses 33-35).
Then, as you know, Peter did deny knowing Jesus three times.
Before that, though, when Judas and the chief priests and elders came to arrest Jesus, Peter made good on his promise to defend Jesus. He whipped out his sword and cut off a man’s ear. Jesus rebuked Peter, told him to put his sword away, said His Father could defend Him if needed, but these things must happen (Matthew 26:47-56).
Later, after Jesus’ death, Peter and some of the other disciples went fishing. Maybe they just didn’t know what to do with themselves, or they needed a break from the intensity of the last few days. Maybe their failures, confusion, and the loss of their beloved leader caused them to go back to something that was familiar, something they knew how to do.
But this endeavor failed as well. They caught nothing all night–until Jesus came and told them to let down their nets on the other side of the boat. Then they caught so much, they couldn’t haul it in (John 21:1-8).
Jesus prepared breakfast for them and then had a special session with Peter. He asked Peter three times if he loved him more than the rest, as he had professed. The first two times, Jesus used the word agape for love, the Christlike, self-sacrificing love. Peter responded twice that he loved Jesus with philos, a brotherly love. The third time Jesus asked if Peter loved Him, He uses philos. “Do you even really loved me like a brother, Peter?” (John 21:15-19).
By this time, Peter has no more confidence in himself, no bravado, no impulsive promises.
But it’s at this very point when Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.” I love what Shiao Chong said here: “Therefore, despite Peter’s honest admission that he did not love Jesus sacrificially—at least not then—Jesus still commissioned him to feed and care for the spiritual flock. This was Christ’s grace to Peter. His prophecy concerning Peter’s martyrdom (vs. 18-19) suggests that though Peter on that morning might not have loved Christ sacrificially or unconditionally, he would grow to love Christ even to the point of death.”
So what can we learn from Peter’s, and our own, failures?
Humility. There’s nothing like falling on our faces to show us we don’t have the knowledge, wisdom, or power we thought we did.
Course correction. Sometimes we’re following our own agendas rather than God’s. Failures cause us to examine ourselves, look to Him, and ask His direction.
You can fail where you are strong as well as where you’re weak. Peter was a professional fisherman, yet twice in the gospels he had no catch. He had great zeal, but it vanished when he denied Christ. “Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall” (1 Corinthians 10:12).
The end of ourselves. It was when Peter got to this place that Jesus encouraged him with hope for the future.
Reliance on God. Failure reminds us just how much we need to depend on Him, not ourselves.
The need to keep our eyes on Jesus. Storms will come, waves will threaten. If we look at them, we’ll fall. But when we keep our eyes on Him, we can do His will.
God isn’t done with us. Failure can make us feel like everything is over, we’ve blown it, and God is disgusted with us. But no. He is gracious, merciful, longsuffering, ready to forgive. He gave Peter a ministry even though (or maybe because) Peter had no confidence in himself any more.
Failure is part of growth. Look how often a baby falls in learning to walk. We’ll fail many times in our Christian walk, but if we keep in God’s Word, relying on His power and grace, we’ll make progress. Look at the difference between Peter and John in the gospels vs. the book of Acts and the letters they eventually wrote.
God’s love is hopeful. Even when we’ve confessed our sins to the Lord, and we know we’re forgiven, we feel like He must still be displeased with us. 1 Corinthians 13:7 says “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” One former pastor said “hopes” there means “cherishes confident expectations.” “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6).
God loves us like a father. “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:13-14).
Failure isn’t the end. “The righteous falls seven times and rises again” (Proverbs 24:16). If we come humbly to God, He’ll forgive us, strengthen us, and help us depend on Himself.
Have you experienced failure? What helped you get back up and start again?
Stray Thoughts 