Two interesting quizzes

Posted on July 3, 2008 by Barbara Harper

As a 1930s wife, I am
Average

And according to this book quiz I saw at Alice‘s and tried:

Your responses showed you fitting equally into all four reading personalities:

Involved Reader: You don’t just love to read books, you love to read about books. For you, half the fun of reading is the thrill of the chase – discovering new books and authors, and discussing your finds with others.
Exacting Reader: You love books but you rarely have as much time to read as you’d like – so you’re very particular about the books you choose.
Serial Reader: Once you discover a favorite writer you tend to stick with him/her through thick and thin.
Eclectic Reader: You read for entertainment but also to expand your mind. You’re open to new ideas and new writers, and are not wedded to a particular genre or limited range of authors.

New adventures…

Posted on July 2, 2008 by Barbara Harper

On the second leg of the flight back to SC, my husband and his mother had a conversation that went something like this:

Mom: I think I’ll only stay about a week.

Jim: We’ll talk about it later.

Mom: When does Jason go to California? Oh, that’s right, he left already. That’s too bad. He could have taken me back with him.

Jim: We’ll talk about it later.

Then when they got to NC and found the car to drive the last leg to SC, the conversation continued:

Jim: Mom, remember your last Sunday at church, people gave you a lot of cards?

Mom: Yeah.

Jim: Why did they do that?

Mom: (Thinking…) Oh…because I am moving to South Carolina.

But after a good night’s sleep, she remembered and has been asking questions about the new place and seems okay with it. She does tend to get confused when she is tired or nervous — like this morning, getting ready to go to the doctor’s office, she thought she was getting ready to move into the assisted living facility. But most of the time she’s pretty clear.

I’m finding that it is better to say, “Here, let me help” or to just jump in rather than asking, “Do you want me to help you?” If I ask if she wants help, she’ll usually say no, at least at first. She has this mentality of not wanting to be a “pest.” She had a little sore on her ear from wearing her hearing aid more than she’s used to and said when she first got it, the doctor told her to bring it back in if it wasn’t fitting right, but she never did, because she “didn’t want to be a pest.” We tried to get across that asking for the help you need (as well as, in that instance, getting what you paid for) isn’t being a pest. (Jim already had scheduled an appointment with the ear doctor tomorrow, so hopefully we can at least adjust the fit, and maybe see if new aids are needed.)

On the other hand, especially with personal issues, sometimes it is best to let them do things on their own even if it takes a while or is awkward so they can maintain some level of dignity and independence. It’s hard to know sometimes when to jump in and when to stand back, but, thankfully, she is not easily offended.

One of the memories I am most ashamed of happened the last time she was here. I walked into the kitchen to find her trying to open a box of cereal, but the box had already been opened, and she had it upside down. Trying to avert disaster, I dashed over and grabbed the box and turned it right-side up. But I felt bad about that: sweeping cereal off the floor isn’t that big of a disaster, and I shouldn’t have made her feel like a child. She didn’t act offended, but, still, care of her as a person is more important than efficiency.

I have learned from my own hospitalizations and ailments that, when you need assistance in ways that you would have otherwise been horrified at the thought of beforehand, it helps when the people helping are just matter-of-fact about it, acting the same as if they’re doing something more mundane. My husband is a master at that, and I have so appreciated it. He’s a cheerful and thoughtful caretaker. So I am trying to be the same way in any help I give.

I have often said I want to live to be 100, and right now I still do, but I am learning through my mother-in-law’s experiences as well as my own signs of aging that old age certainly has its problems! I am thankful God promises that “And even to your old age I am he; and even to hoar hairs will I carry you: I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you” (Isaiah 46:4).

Psalm 71:8-9: Let my mouth be filled with thy praise and with thy honour all the day. Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth.

Psalm 92:12-15: The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree: he shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon. Those that be planted in the house of the LORD shall flourish in the courts of our God. They shall still bring forth fruit in old age; they shall be fat and flourishing; To shew that the LORD is upright: he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.

Caring for elderly parents

Posted on July 1, 2008 by Barbara Harper

I mentioned a while back that my mother-in-law is moving here to SC from Idaho. Well, the time has come: she arrived Monday night. My husband flew up to travel back with her. His other brothers, a new sister-in-law, and two nieces also traveled up from other states, so, with the sister who already lived there, they had a bit of a mini-reunion.

Jim was concerned about the logistics of getting her to the airport, handling his luggage and hers, and getting the rental car back without having to leave her somewhere while he took care of things — she doesn’t have Alzheimer’s, but she can get confused in unfamiliar situations or when she is nervous. (The other relatives didn’t come with them to the airport because we fly in and out of an airport about two hours away and rent a car to drive home. Her little town does have an airport, but it’s exorbitantly expensive to fly to it.) Jeremy and I prayed specifically about that at lunch time, and Jim called me later and let me know that someone from Hertz offered to take care of the car for him and bring him the receipt; an airline employee took the luggage on an elevator for them and told them the wheelchairs were at the top of the escalator (she doesn’t usually use a wheelchair, but would have had a hard time walking the distances you have to in airports); a skycap wheeled her straight to the front of the line. Jim had allowed about an hour to take care of all of that and get through security, but it only took half an hour. We were so thankful that that all went smoothly!

She seems to be doing ok — she got a little teary saying good-bye, understandably. I just can’t imagine this week for her: saying good-bye to the area she has lived for 35 years, to the family on that side of the country (we’re the only ones on this side), to her dog, traveling across the country, and now facing a new living situation. I’ve been praying for God’s grace for her during this whole transition process. If you think of it, I’d appreciate your prayers for her and for us. As I mentioned in that earlier post, this is going to be a new situation for all of us.

I have found that when I tell people my mother-in-law is moving here, they smile and say something like, “Oh, that’s nice!” But when I say she will be living in an assisted living facility, their smile drops somewhat and they look a little uncertain.

I know some folks have the mindset that they’ll never put a loved one in a home. I probably felt that way myself at one time. But two things changed my thinking. One was the assisted living facility my grandmother was in. It was more like an apartment complex for older people with medical staff on the premises. She enjoyed living there and having a certain amount of independence while still having care close by when needed. It was hardly being “put away in a home” at all. Then, my grandfather had been living with his daughter, my mother’s sister. She worked full time, so he was home alone in the day time. He didn’t eat right, didn’t take his medications regularly, didn’t do a lot. After he had a series of small strokes, he went into the hospital. Some specification with his insurance or Medicare would only allow him to remain in the hospital a certain number of days: after that he had to go into a nursing home. My mom and her siblings stood around his bed and cried. But none of them was in a position to give him the care he needed. As it turned out, when the time came that he could have gone home, he decided to stay. He found eating three regular meals did help, and he enjoyed someone else providing them (many older people don’t like to cook for just themselves.) His medications were dispensed; he met people and had activities that were stimulating. He loved it and lived there several years until he passed away.

Though family members do have responsibility to see that their loved ones are cared for, there is no one right way to go about it. When a family has to make these kinds of decisions, there are several factors that come into play:

1. Housing situation. Not everyone has the space to include a new adult addition, or the house might not be conducive to someone with physical problems. Though Mom is only staying with us a few days until she moves into her new home, we’re concerned about her dealing with the steps. But this was one factor in deciding on assisted living care. We could move to a house that is all on one level if need be, but that takes time.

2. Availability of other family members. This is one of the reasons she moved here: much of the rest of the family was moving away from her area. I’m the only daughter-in-law who isn’t working outside the home.

3. Finances.

4. Mental ability. If the elderly parent has Alzheimer’s or mental confusion, someone would need to stay with them all the time, and even a family with a stay-at-home member might not be able to manage that between errands, school obligations if there are school-aged children in the house, etc. I know some handle this by hiring someone to stay with the elderly parent a certain amount of time each week.

5. Level of care needed. There might be some situations in which the older person needs physical or medical care that can’t be given at home.

6. Relationships. Some older people will always see their adult child as a child, and won’t follow instructions about medical care (e.g., medicines), food, etc., but they would take such instruction from medical personnel in an assisted living situation.

7. Personalities. We might be loathe to admit this and we might think that every family relationship should amicable, but in real life that is just not the case. Some relationships prosper with a little bit of space for each party. Privacy doesn’t allow me to disclose anything about situations I know of personally, but it is definitely a factor (by the way, this isn’t a factor with my mother-in-law. She is pretty easy to get along with).

8. Safety. Particularly Alzheimer’s or some forms of dementia in advanced stages may cause some patients to physically strike their caregivers when frustrated even if the patient would never have done that in ealrier years.

9. Socialization. I almost hate to even use that word because I know it is leveled as an unfair charge against home-schoolers has been a lack of socialization, and most of them get plenty of social interaction and don’t really need to be put into a classroom of people the same age to get it. But this is one of our concerns with my mother-in-law. If she lived with us, we would be her whole world — she wouldn’t feel the need to or have the desire to interact with others besides surface greetings at church. As we have talked with the staff at the assisted living facility, we feel this is an area in which she could benefit. Not only would she have the mental stimulation of interacting with others and participating in the activities there, but it might encourage her to know there are others who are going through the same things she is.

10. Independence. It might seem odd to list this as a factor when a person going into assisted living seems to be giving up their independence. But in such a facility they actually do get to make their own decisions and schedules and have their own living space. Some would feel that if they lived with their children they would be an imposition (even if the family is glad to have them), and they are more comfortable being on their own as much as they can be.

Not all of these reasons are factors for my mother-in-law, but they have been with friends dealing with elderly relatives. As we prayed and discussed the situation with the rest of the family over the past several years, we felt this was the best solution. We know to expect an adjustment period, but if she truly hates it or has a terrible experience, we’ll have to seek the Lord about what else to do. But for now we feel sure this is the right path.

My husband did all the initial legwork in researching the different facilities in out area. The one he chose is only about five minutes away from us, and it has a small, homey feel rather than a big institutional feel. Every time I have talked with any of the staff I have been reassured by their knowledge and attitude. As we have gone over several times in the last week to set up the room, hang curtains, etc., we’ve enjoyed saying hello to the other residents and look forward to getting to know them better. We do plan to visit often as well as bring Mom over to our house and take her to church with us.

I know there may be some bumps along the road for all of us as we figure things out, but ultimately I have every hope that this next stage in her life and ours will be a blessing to her.

I Remember Laura blogathon, Week 5: Heirlooms and Treasures

Posted on June 30, 2008 by Barbara Harper

Miss Sandy of Quill Cottage is hosting an “I Remember Laura” blogathon on Mondays through the month of June in memory of Laura Ingalls Wilder, author if the “Little House” series of books. There will also be an art swap going on each week in connection with the theme: Click on the picture for more information. Also throughout the month she will be sharing parts of an interview with Laura Ingalls Gunn of Decor to Adore, a fourth cousin of Laura Ingalls Wilder.

I do distinctly remember the little shepherdess figurine that was always on display in Laura’s homes and how it just made each place feel like home. Though our little treasures are just “things,” yet they do give us that feel of homeyness and a link with our loved ones’ memories.

Unfortunately, for various reasons there hasn’t been much in the way of family heirlooms passed down from my ancestors. But I do have a few things, most of which have appeared on my blog before.

This is a crocheted bedspread made by my great-aunt Dot. I told more about it here.

My mother, Dorothy, was named for her, and I remember her and another great-aunt as a pair — it seemed like they were always together. We had this on our bed for a while, but, for being crocheted, it is very heavy, so it is in the closet for now.

Last fall my step-father and sisters came to visit and brought a big box of mostly pictures and papers. What a treasure trove! My mom’s baby book was in there as were the recipes I shared a few weeks ago. But one of my favorite things was this college graduation book of my mother’s mother. Her name was Harriet, and I hadn’t known before that she went by Hattie:

Inside was a place for autographs, school colors, and a homecoming ribbon:

Her school song:

And notes from the Commencement sermon:

My grandmother passed away when I was four years old. To have some her her things written in her own hand is very gratifying to me. I enjoyed getting to know her a little bit through these items.

My mom passed away two and a half years ago, and there are so many things in our home that she gave to us. Much of my Boyd’s Bear collection came from her. This is one of the favorite prints she gave me (she was a big Home Interiors fan):

I don’t have many things of my dad’s: he passed away several years earlier. This is a medal he earned for sharpshooting while in the service. Some day I want to make a collage or shadowbox of this plus pictures and one of the shells from the twenty-one gun salute at his funeral.

My father’s mother used to constantly have crochet projects she worked on almost any time she was still. This is a baby blanket she made for my firstborn and a doily.

At this point in time, my sons aren’t terribly interested in family heirlooms, but I wasn’t either at their age. I hope they will be in the future, Miss Sandy mentioned Laura was the memory keeper of her family, and that’s what I want to be. Some years back I began writing down some family stories mostly as a way to trace God’s hand in our lives after hearing a message from Psalm 78:

4 We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done.

5 For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children:

6 That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children:

7 That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments:

8 And might not be as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not stedfast with God.

I need to get back to that! I have also saved letters I have written to them through the years. I have a box for each of them with cards, notes, some of their art work, etc. I wished I had saved things more systematically — when they were little I was doing good just to toss a few things in a box. I also hope to see some of the things I have made in a grandchild’s room one day. 🙂 I’ve mentioned before that most of the things I’ve made have been for gifts and I didn’t have many at home. But the room I made the most things for was my children’s room when they were little. Most of those things are packed in the attic, but this was one of the first things I made and one of the last to be taken down.

Of course, I know that when they marry, their wives will have their own tastes and decorating ideas, so I don’t want to “push” the idea of their using anything from their childhood room, but I want them to feel welcome to them. I have thought we’ll probably have a playroom or something for grandkids and we might put some of those things up there.

Thanks so much to Miss Sandy for hosting this blogathon. I have enjoyed the focus each week and meeting new bloggers who have some of the same interests. I didn’t participate in the art swap (would have loved too — just didn’t have time) but when she receives those things she will post them.

One of the best messages I have ever heard

Posted on June 27, 2008 by Barbara Harper

Last night I got to bed way too late, for various reasons, and as I turned on the radio after getting in bed I heard one of the best messages I have ever heard by Dan Olinger. I found it online here. It basically has to do with dealing with doubts. I appreciate not only what he said but how he said it.

I like that he says “God is able to handle our questions.” He doesn’t always answer them the way we’d like. But He’s not intimidated by them.

I also like the understanding that it is good to make the faith one has grown up hearing one’s own. I know as my own children have asked questions as they’ve gotten older it can be scary, yet I think it is a necessary process for them to think through and accept the Word of God and the truths of Christianity for themselves. I think, sadly, that there are too many people who grew up with a kind of positive peer pressure who go along with the flow but who haven’t internalized what they’ve heard all their lives.

I’m not saying you have to question in order to believe. But I think most people do to some extent at some times.

Sometimes when those kinds of thoughts come, I’ve prayed that the Lord would lead me to the answer if there is one and to acceptance it if there is not one I would understand. After a while you develop enough knowledge of and experience with the Lord that you can trust Him with all those things you don’t understand without it shaking up your faith, but it’s amazing how often, after I’ve prayed that way, He will lead me to a sermon of book or chance remark that exactly answers what I had a question about.

I hope you’ll give that sermon a listen. I plan to listen to it again soon.

Saturday Photo Scavenger Hunt: Bright

Posted on June 27, 2008 by Barbara Harper

PhotoHunt

Theme: Bright| Become a Photo Hunter

I had a really hard time trying to decide what to do for today’s photo hunt…until I consulted Dictionary.com. A few of its definitions gave me some ideas.

Radiating or reflecting light; luminous; shining.

This was a picture my middle son, Jason, took during visit to CA several years ago.

Vivid or brilliant: a bright red dress; bright passages of prose.

A particularly dewy rose one morning after it had been raining. This was from a couple of years ago: we could use some rain like that again!

Characterized by happiness or gladness.

From our wedding 28 and 1/2 years ago.

And the brightest spots in my life:

To see more photo hunt entries or join in the fun, you can go to the Photo Hunt hostess, TN Chick.

Show and Tell Friday: Cross stitched gifts for Dad

Posted on June 27, 2008 by Barbara Harper

Kelli at There’s No Place Like Home hosts “Show and Tell Friday” asking “Do you have a something special to share with us? It could be a trinket from grade school, a piece of jewelry, an antique find. Your show and tell can be old or new. Use your imagination and dig through those old boxes in your closet if you have to! Feel free to share pictures and if there’s a story behind your special something, that’s even better! If you would like to join in, all you have to do is post your “Show and Tell” on your blog, copy the post link, come over here and add it to Mr. Linky. Guidelines are here.

I meant to “show” these around Father’s Day, but forgot. But I thought I would go ahead and show them now while I was thinking about it instead of waiting til next Father’s Day.

These are a couple of gifts I cross-stitched for my husband years ago.

A brand new book meme!

Posted on June 26, 2008 by Barbara Harper

Since I love books, and several of my blog friends do as well, I’ve been mulling over some questions for creating a book meme. And here it is!

1. Do you remember how you developed a love for reading? I think it began in school: I don’t really have a memory of reading before that.

2. What are some books you read as a child? A Child’s Garden of Verses by Robert Louis Stevenson, A Child’s Garden of Bible Stories by Arthur Gross, Little Golden Books and Dick and Jane readers.

3. What is your favorite genre? Biographies and Christian fiction.

4. Do you have a favorite novel? It’s hard for me to have just one favorite. 🙂 A Tale of Two Cities by Dickens and Les Miserables by Victor Hugo.

5. Where do you usually read? Um…in the bathroom. 😳 But evidently that’s not uncommon. I sometimes read at the table while eating (though I know they say not to do that) or on the loveseat in our family room. I also take a book any time I am going to have to sit and wait, like doctor’s offices. I just can’t stand to sit and stare at walls or look through old magazines. Plus reading helps reduce nervousness of some of those waiting times by helping to get my mind off of whatever I am waiting for.

6. When do you usually read? Well, besides whenever I go to the bathroom 🙂 I love to read on Sunday evenings after church. I read some weekday evenings as well. Reading is a relaxing way to end the day or to take a break. And, as I said before, I love to pass waiting times with reading.

7. Do you usually have more than one book you are reading at a time? Yes, one for each bathroom. 🙂

8. Do you read nonfiction in a different way or place than you read fiction? Yes. Fiction I can usually get into any time anywhere. Nonfiction in the form of a story I can usually read most anywhere. But most other nonfiction takes more concentration. I can “get” the “lesson” in a story easily and retain it easily (which is one reason why I love Christian fiction and one reason why I believe Jesus told parables). But for nonfiction written in an instructive form I need to be without distraction to get anything from it, and I often read it with a pencil in hand to mark key points. I sometimes incorporate Christian non-fiction into my devotional time, though I try to keep that primarily straight Bible reading. I also need to read in defined sections (chapters or smaller divisions) whereas fiction or a biography I can put down and then get back into at any point.

9. Do you buy most of the books you read, or borrow them, or check them out of the library? Most of the classics I check out of the library, and then if I really like them and think it’s something I’ll treasure and reread, then I’ll buy it later. Most Christian fiction I buy: the local libraries carry some of it, but not much and not what’s current.

10. Do you keep most of the books you buy? If not, what do you do with them? I keep a few, but most I pass on to my mother-in-law. The ones I don’t think she would be interested in I give to Salvation Army.

11. If you have children, what are some of the favorite books you have shared with them? Were they some of the same ones you read as a child? I did specifically look for some of the books I mentioned on question 2 when my children were smaller. I also sought out The Little Engine That Could. the Little Bear books were favorite as, were, of course, Dr. Seuss. With my youngest two we also discovered the Jesse Bear series by Nancy White Carlstrom. I loved it for the sweet stories and rhymes and beauitful art work, but then when we named my youngest Jesse (after a former pastor, not after the bear) it was especially fun. I also book a Bible in pictures book because I remember being awed and fascinated by one when I was younger. We used it for family devotions when they were preschoolers.

12. What are you reading now? The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas and South Carolina by Yvonne Lehman.

13. Do you keep a TBR (to be read) list? Yes. I have a list on the computer where I can easily add books that I see other people recommend. I also list classics I want to read.

14. What’s next? The next classic I want to read is To Kill a Mockingbird. I am not sure about the next Christian fiction. I don’t think any of my favorite authors has anything new coming out just now.

15. What books would you like to reread? Les Miserables, Jane Eyre, The Becky Miller books by Sharon Hinck, the Little House series, some of the Anne of Green Gables series, Little Women, Changed Into His Image by Jim Berg, Amy Carmichael of Dohnavur by Frank Houghton, By Searching and In the Arena by Isobel Kuhn, Goforth of China and Climbing by Rosalind Goforth. Some of these, particularly the last several, have already been read more than once, but I could still reread them several times.

16. Who are your favorite authors? Dickens, Louisa May Alcott, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Amy Carmichael, Isobel Kuhn, Rosalind Goforth, Sharon Hinck, Terri Blackstock, Lori Wick, Beverly Lewis. (Writer2be reminded me of Elisabeth Elliot. How could I have left her off??!! I probably quote her more than anyone else.

I am going to tag some specific people who I know love to read: Alice, Susanne, Barb, Katrina, Deena, writer2be, Cindy, and Bet. But I also want to leave this wide open to anyone who would like to do it — let me know if you do and I will be glad to come and read your answers! I’d love it if you’d link back here, too.

(Photo courtesy of the stock xchng.)

Booking Through Thursday: Definition

Posted on June 26, 2008 by Barbara Harper

The Booking Through Thursday question for today is:

What, in your opinion, is the definition of a “reader.” A person who indiscriminately reads everything in sight? A person who reads BOOKS? A person who reads, period, no matter what it is? … Or, more specific? Like the specific person who’s reading something you wrote?

This seems similar to this question from a few weeks ago, but I don’t think what a person reads determines whether he is a reader. To me a reader is someone who reads beyond what he has to to minimally function: he reads some genre and some amount because he wants to, for information and/or for pleasure. For some people reading for information is pleasurable and they aren’t so much interested in “stories.” But they are just as much readers who read interesting tidbits on the Internet as are those who read novels.

Booking through Thursday is a weekly meme around the subject of books. The hostess poses a question which participants answer according to their own thoughts and opinions on their own blogs, linking back to the BTT site, which can be found by clicking on the button above.