Mentoring women

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As Christian women, we get our instructions for mentoring from Titus 2:3-5:

3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Other versions use the word “older” rather than “aged,” which sounds a little kinder to our 21st century ears. 🙂 One problem with mentoring, though, is that many older women hesitate to obey this command for a couple of reasons. For one, many don’t want to consider themselves in the “older” or “aged” category. And many don’t feel qualified because they feel they are not perfect in any of these areas and feel the need of instruction themselves: that was the common response recently when I was trying to find ladies to serve on a panel discussion about loving our husbands.

As I see it, we’re all older than someone. And if we have walked with the Lord for any length of time at all, we should be able to share something of what He has taught us along the way. No, we won’t be perfect in any area, but in a sense that helps with our mentoring. People need instruction and examples for how to deal with their faults and failures, and a person who admits to them has a little more credibility than someone who comes across as having “arrived.”

However, the character of the one mentoring does need to be the kind that “becomes holiness.” While we’re not sinless, and we need to confess often our faults to the Lord, on the other hand, as a general character and lifestyle, if we haven’t walked with the Lord and learned ourselves in these areas, we don’t have anything to teach anyone else anyway and wouldn’t be heeded if we tried. The rest of verse 4 indicates that a mentor must have a certain amount of self-control both in lifestyle and in speech. The NASB renders “false accusers” as “malicious gossips.” The NKJV says “slanderers.” No lady would want to pour out her heart and ask advice from someone who might then share what she has said with others.

How is mentoring best done? This is something I’ve asked many people through the years. There are several ways:

1. Formal instruction

When we hear the word “teach” we immediately think of classroom-type instruction. I don’t think that was specifically what Paul had in mind: I don’t know that they had classes for women in those days. But we do have classes, seminars, retreats and such in our day and culture that are beneficial. One former church we were members of had two-day conferences for women once every few years and once a year or so would disband their regular adult Sunday School classes to have separate classes for the men and women, and different ladies in the church would teach on these kinds of topics. It was something I looked forward to every year.

2. One-on-one arranged relationships

I have know some churches that had women who were interested in a one-on-one mentoring relationship sign up, and then someone paired up an older woman with a younger woman. The advantages of this kind of set-up would be in greater personal instruction and having someone to ask questions of. The disadvantages I can see would be the awkwardness of asking personal questions of someone you don’t have a personal relationship with and the danger of not really meshing with the person you’re assigned to, but I suppose those thing could be worked out over time.

I have heard of a younger woman who asked an older woman to be her “mentor” — I think they met together to talk and pray, and the younger woman asked the older questions about how she had devotions and such. One friend of mine was advised to choose one lady she was comfortable with and to ask advice of just that one lady. One advantage to that is that you wouldn’t get conflicting advice. That was a hard thing for me particularly as a young mother, when two older ladies who I loved and respected would give the exact opposite advice. I eventually learned to “glean” — to listen kindly and then pick through the advice to find what would most seem to “fit” my family, and leave the rest. But I would have had trouble picking just one woman, though that might have been beneficial to some. I know that often when I was struggling in some area or frustrated and wanting to know what to do, the Lord would put me in contact with some lady who sometimes even by a seemingly chance remark would give me just the bit of wisdom I needed at the moment.

3. Hospitality

When I was a saved teen in an unsaved home, another family in church invited me over often. Though they never formally instructed me (aside from including me in family devotions), I learned much from being around them and seeing how a Christian family interacted. The wife and mother was a great example to me in every way — in her submission to her husband, in her example as a mom, in her homemaking and meal-preparation skills, yet I don’t think she consciously had me over for the specific purpose of being an example to me.

4) Interaction

Times like bridal and baby showers, working in the nursery, setting up or cleaning up for a function, going to ladies’ meetings, fellowships, etc., were great times to mix and talk with other women as I was “growing up” as a lady. Sometimes if a question or problem cropped up, I’d ask some of them, but mostly it was still kind of an observing and absorbing of their spirit and example. Especially when I was approaching marriage, looking forward to having children, and then having them, I watched and “gleaned.” In more recent years my observing has been more along the lines of noticing godly behavior, being convicted, and asking the Lord to change me in those areas.

5) Writing

I have been ministered to, instructed, rebuked, and encouraged many times over the years by reading books written by godly women and, in more recent times, blogs.

I didn’t list family relationships, but that would be the most obvious avenue of an older lady teaching a younger one. Of course. not all ladies have mothers who are alive or who are Christians, and many live away from their parents after they marry. Even with a godly, accessible mother nearby, most of us could still use example and instruction from other godly women.

In Elisabeth’s Elliot’s book Keep a Quiet Heart, one very helpful chapter is titled “A Call to Older Women.” Here is one paragraph from it:

I think of the vast number of older women today. The Statistical Abstract of the United States for 1980 says that 19.5 percent of the population was between ages 45-65, but by 2000 it will be 22.9 percent. Assuming that half of those people are women, what a pool of energy and power for God they might be. We live longer now than we did forty years ago (the same volume says that the over-sixty-fives will increase from 11.3 percent to 13 percent). There is more mobility, more money around, more leisure, more health and strength–resources which, if put at God’s disposal, might bless younger women. But there are also many more ways to spend those resources, so we find it very easy to occupy ourselves selfishly. Where are the women, single or married, willing to hear God’s call to spiritual motherhood, taking spiritual daughters under their wings to school them as Mom Cunningham did me? She had no training the world would recognize. She had no thought of such. She simply loved God and was willing to be broken bread and poured-out wine for His sake. Retirement never crossed her mind.

So how does one going about being a mentor or “spiritual mother” to other ladies? Pray first and seek how the Lord would have you go about it. After that, the biggest thing is just to be sensitive and available. Perhaps a new mom could use some help around the house or a few hours to herself while someone capable watches the children; perhaps you could write notes of encouragement to others or have a couple of ladies over for lunch. Even just going and talking to a younger lady at a fellowship or meeting instead of finding a friend is a start. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a formal arrangement with one particular lady, though some prefer that. As I mentioned earlier, often through the years just in the course of ordinary church life, the Lord would send someone with a “word in due season” that was just what I needed at the time.

One thing older women have to watch out for, however, is crossing over the line into being busybodies. I knew of one older lady who told one young mother of seven that she was having too many children and another young wife who was planning to wait to have children til her husband was through seminary that she needed to get started on her family. It is no wonder that she caused hurt feelings rather than helping or ministering to anyone.

Though older women need to be aware of this Scriptural admonition and to seek God’s wisdom in going about obeying it, the other side of the coin is that younger women need to be willing to be taught, and part of that involves just spending time with each other. A lot of times we tend to gravitate to our own age groups, which is natural, but it’s good to get out of our comfort zone and get to know ladies of all ages. I have learned a lot from other ladies just by being around them and watching and listening to them, but sometimes I’ve felt led to ask specific questions. If you’re a younger lady who would like some “spiritual mothering,” ask the Lord to guide someone to you and take time to get to know some of the older ladies in your church. I feel sure that you’ll find someone whom you can look up to and learn from, but if not (and even if you do and would like to supplement your learning), reading good books is another way to gain from the wisdom of those who have gone before.

Church ladies’ groups

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Something in a recent comment prompted the thought that it might be helpful to some to write a post about church ladies’ groups. Recently a friend at church had a friend from her home town visiting who also happened to head up her ladies’ group, and it was fun to compare notes and get ideas. I’d love to do that here, too: I’d love to know what kinds of things your ladies group does, what has worked and hasn’t worked for you. And if you don’t have one, maybe this will give you some ideas for starting one.

I was in and out of church as a young person and my mom didn’t attend regularly, so I don’t know what the ladies in those churches did. The church we were in when we first married had a ladies group which was entirely focused on missions: they began with a project time making things for the missionaries, had a missionary speaker, passed out pre-addressed letters for people to write to missionaries, had folders with prayer cards and prayer letters that they passed out at the end for people to take a few minutes to pray for specific requests for those missionaries, and collected items the missionaries could not get in their countries. When we moved to another state, the ladies there pretty much just met together for fellowship times.

At the church we are in now, the ladies group restructured several years ago with three goals in mind:

1. to find ways to minister to, encourage, and pray for our missionaries
2. to try to keep our missionaries before our people and help them get to know them better
3. to foster fellowship among our own ladies.

Sometimes our meetings are more directly missionary oriented; sometimes they are more oriented toward fellowship. But we do fellowship at every meeting, and we try to incorporate a prayer time for specific missionaries at most meetings.

At our monthly meetings we often have a missionary speaker or a lady from our church giving her testimony. In the past we have also had craft demonstrations such as stamping or soap-making, worked on projects for our missionaries, heard talks on various topics such as time management or heart health, and had an open discussion of topics like having devotions, loving our husbands, or hospitality. Annual events include a ladies’ banquet, assembling care packages for our college students, and sponsoring a church-wide “Missionary Christmas.” Occasionally we’ve gone bowling or putt-putting. Throughout the year ladies may opt to participate in a Secret Sister program to pray for and send little notes and gifts to someone anonymously, and then we get to find out the identity of our secret sister for the year at our annual Christmas party.

Most of the monthly meetings are held in the fellowship hall at church, but some are held in homes. We do have a nursery available: it used to be staffed by teens, but as their involvement dropped off one of our ladies took that on. Different ladies host the fellowship time, bringing and serving refreshments.

Occasionally some of the women will get-together for a Bible study of several weeks duration, led by different individual ladies. Often we use a study book from Regular Baptist Press; a couple of times a video series has been used. In some churches, organizing meals for families with someone who is sick or recovering from a hospital stay or for funerals is handled by a committees of ladies: in our church that is organized by deacon groups (all the church families are divided up by deacons, with each deacon over a group, and he and his wife organize meals and fellowships and such).

Some groups might also have a committee that organizes bridal and baby showers for church members. Our pastor wants that handled on an individual basis, so different ladies who know the brides or moms-to-be organize showers. There are a few who particularly have a heart for that ministry and take care that no one is overlooked.

The friend’s friend that I mentioned said that her ladies’ group has a monthly meeting as well as a monthly outing. I don’t know if that would go over here — people are so busy it’s hard for some even to come to a monthly meeting. But it might be fin to explore that as an occasional thing.

Some years ago on a Christian internet forum, one lady mentioned that her church ladies’ group was developing a home economics course that included all the basics of sewing, cooking, menu planning, childcare (to include bathing, dressing, diaper rash and illness), time management, organized cleaning, home maintenance, finances, budgeting, etc. — as well as basic discipleship and doctrinal classes. You’d probably need a lot of manpower (or woman-power!) for that kind of thing!

Most church ladies’ groups are focused on ministering to missionaries and/or their own ladies, but some also incorporate reaching out to others with a ladies’ visitation program or having Bible studies or special programs or activities especially geared toward inviting the lost. Of course, lost friends and co-workers can be invited to the regular ladies’ meetings to hear the testimonies and be around ladies in a more informal setting.

A few helpful resources I’ve found are:

  • Women’s World: Ideas and Procedures for Missions Groups by Dorothy Vander Kaay (out of print now, I believe, but used copies can be found online): this book had some helpful ideas, but I found the sections on organization to be a little too rigid (what kind of officers are needed and what they should do, etc.) But you could adapt the idea for your group.

Speaking of organization and structure, that varies from church to church. At the first church I mentioned, they had several officers that were elected every year, and the group as a whole was somewhat guided and overseen by the pastors’ wives. The second group I mentioned really had no structure at all: the pastor’s wife basically suggested activities, but it was a small church and everyone pitched in for most activities. At our church now, one lady was asked to head it up when the group was restructured. I kind of unofficially assisted her because that seemed to be the area of ministry where my heart was, and when this lady moved, I inherited the group. 🙂 I would like at some point to have more people involved and perhaps go to electing officers: I think getting new folks involved keeps things fresh. Probably how things are structured depends a lot on how big the group is and what its goals are.

If your church does not have a ladies’ group, and you’re interested in one, you might start, first of all, with prayer for the Lord’s guidance. Then you might jot down some ideas of what kinds of groups or activities you’d be interested in, then ask for a session with your pastor to discuss them with him. Some pastors will have specific ideas for the ladies’ group; others will basically leave it up to the ladies’ involved and will only want to be kept informed. Then you might gather a few other interested ladies to brainstorm, or you might make up a questionnaire to get several ladies’ ideas and also ascertain what skills and talents the different ladies of your church have that they’d be willing to use for the group. Even if you can’t do everything you’d like to at first, once you get started, you can grow in different directions as the Lord leads and as needs and interests dictate.

In the next day or two I want to post a related piece on mentoring women in general: I wrote something on it for our ladies’ group newsletter, but I need to rework it a bit. To me a good ladies’ group within a church is an excellent means of mentoring and edifying each other. (Update: The post about mentoring women is here.)

Catching up

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Our church’s annual Ladies’ Luncheon is this week. Everything has been going pretty smoothly — until working on the favors I had in mind which was supposed to involve just a few clicks and a print. When I get to a dead end I get too frustrated, so I am going to put it aside and work on some other aspect after eating lunch and then see what comes to mind. The centerpieces are coming along. Here is a sneak peek:

Dresses

The ladies worked on the little dresses at the last meeting. All I have left to do is put Spanish moss over the Styrofoam and then add some little flowers — in one of them you can see one of the little flowers on top of the moss.

We do have the lowest number ever signed up to attend, though. That’s discouraging. I’m pondering what we might do differently next year — I am thinking about sending out a questionnaire to get other people’s opinions.

The leg thing is still an issue. The bright red of the cellulitis is gone, but when I am on my feet for any length of time, the area still gets red and my lower leg gets a little swollen, but then it clears up when I put my feet back up for a while. I should be able to function like that and get everything done for the luncheon — I am a little concerned about the day of the luncheon, though, as it is usually a pretty long day.

If you feel so led, I’d appreciate your prayers that my leg would heal completely and soon, that the cellulitis would not recur, that everything would come together for the luncheon and honor the Lord, and that I would not be nervous. Even when everything is going fine I tend to feel nervous about these things, and that leads to other problems.

In other news….the quarterly Bloggy Giveaway Carnival is this week. I don’t think I am going to be able to give away anything for it this time around, unless I get everything else done and come up with something. I am not sure how much I will even be able to visit the other giveaways…we’ll see. It’s pretty easy to squeeze in a few here and there, especially if they don’t have hoops they want readers to jump through. Of course, anyone giving away anything on their blog can do so however they choose to, but I have to say when there are hundreds of giveaways at once like this, I don’t like requirements on the individual giveaways, like “Tell me your favorite post of mine.” I did actually see that on one this morning and thought, “You expect everyone who comes here for the contest to read through your archives?!”

Finally, my good blog friend Alice gave me this Blogging Friends Forever Gold Card.

Thanks so much, Alice! I want to pass this along to all my regular readers: I appreciate your visits! You bring great joy to my blogging experience.

A joyful end

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Many are the afflictions of the righteous. Thus are they made like Jesus their covenant head. Scripture does not flatter us like the story books with the idea that goodness will secure us from trouble; on the contrary, we are again and again warned to expect tribulation while we are in this body. But – blessed “but,” how it takes the sting out of the previous sentence! – But the Lord delivers him out of them all. Through troops of ills Jehovah will lead his redeemed scatheless and triumphant. There is an end to the believer’s affliction, and a joyful end too. — C. H. Spurgeon

Book Review: Uncharted

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When I went to the Christian bookstore to look for one of the books on my Spring Reading Challenge, it wasn’t in yet, but I caught sight of Uncharted by Angela Hunt. It wasn’t on my list for this spring, but it was on an ongoing list I keep of books recommended by others that I want to try out. I had seen this book recommended by many bloggers, so I bought it.

The basic premise is that there are six college friends whose lives have drifted apart. When one dies, the rest decide, for various reasons, to take up a mission he had planned to do, traveling to a remote island to build a Christian school. An unexpected storm capsizes the boat and the five find themselves on an uninhabited island. Conditions are fairly miserable, particularly the lack of fresh water. It’s not long until they begin to learn that this is no ordinary island…

Survivors on a mysterious island who have to face not only their past deeds, but also their heart motives — that all sounds close to the premise of the television show Lost. A blurb on the back of the book speaks of a biblical parable that this book parallels, but somehow I missed that. I am kind of glad, in a way, because it lent more mystery to the island. When the parallel does come up, though, it is very clear, as is the message of what the island is about. It’s very sobering and thought-provoking.

I liked the author’s emphasis that the regular church-goer and doer of good deeds yet without Christ is just as guilty as a murderer before God’s eyes. It’s only through Christ’s righteousness and God’s grace that we’re saved — all our righteousness is a filthy rag in comparison.

What I didn’t like was the ending. I suppose it lent weight to the theme that these people were stuck forever with the choices they had made in this life, and there is coming a day when that will be true. Yet a part of me wanted them to wake up and discover it was all a dream, yet have some of them learn from and profit by it.

Another thing that bothered me about this book were phrases such as the first line about someone’s seeking sex appeal and a line later where one character notes “the rhythmic tilt” of a woman’s bikini as she walked away. Perhaps this struck me with a little more force because I had just finished another Christian book that I decided not to review at all here because it had a very high degree of sensuality throughout plus was only “Christian” in the last several pages, and I had been stewing over that for a while before beginning this book. I know the characters here were not Christians, and non-Christians (and even Christians) would have such thoughts and make such observations. But it does bother me when Christian authors introduce sexuality into a story unnecessarily or in a way that brings up mental images that we should not want in our minds.

I think this is the first Angela Hunt book I have read. I did feel a lot more “in tune” with her in the question and answer section in the back of the book. Overall I do think the book is a worthy read despite the couple of disappointments.

This review is linked to Semicolon‘s Saturday Review of Books,where bloggers can link to book reviews on their sites. If you like checking out others’ thoughts on interesting books, you will find much to ponder there.

Saturday Photo Scavenger Hunt: Thirteen

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Theme: Thirteen | Become a Photo Hunter

A new teen-ager!

The thirteenth birthday creates a new teen-ager!

This is Jesse about a year and a half ago.

You can check out other photo hunter’s entries at our hostess TN Chick‘s on Saturday or search for “photo hunt” on Technorati for those who like to play a little earlier.

Sobering

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I’m reading through the OT book of Zechariah during my Bible reading, and these verses from chapter 7 really convicted me this morning. I underlined the parts that particularly jumped out at me.

4 Then came the word of the LORD of hosts unto me, saying,

5 Speak unto all the people of the land, and to the priests, saying, When ye fasted and mourned in the fifth and seventh month, even those seventy years, did ye at all fast unto me, even to me?

6 And when ye did eat, and when ye did drink, did not ye eat for yourselves, and drink for yourselves?

8 And the word of the LORD came unto Zechariah, saying,

9 Thus speaketh the LORD of hosts, saying, Execute true judgment, and shew mercy and compassions every man to his brother:

10 And oppress not the widow, nor the fatherless, the stranger, nor the poor; and let none of you imagine evil against his brother in your heart.

11 But they refused to hearken, and pulled away the shoulder, and stopped their ears, that they should not hear.

12 Yea, they made their hearts as an adamant stone, lest they should hear the law, and the words which the LORD of hosts hath sent in his spirit by the former prophets: therefore came a great wrath from the LORD of hosts.

13 Therefore it is come to pass, that as he cried, and they would not hear; so they cried, and I would not hear, saith the LORD of hosts…

It’s so very easy to “refuse to hearken” in little everyday things — but every detour off the right path begins with a single step. I am so thankful God forgives and restores. I hope and pray to be more sensitive to His Spirit in my daily life.

Show and Tell Friday: Recent Finds

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I wanted to share a few things I had found while shopping over the last few weeks.

Basket of pillows

I love these little pillows, but my menfolk got irritated with them on the couch as they tended to slide around or fall off. So I began to look for a basket to put them in and found all the baskets on sale at Michael’s the week before Easter. I really like this set in itself, but I’m not sure I like the pillows in them — I can’t really see the designs like I’d like. But I’ll leave it that way for a while. I like the baskets anyway and will use them even if I change what I put in them. 🙂

Sale cabinet

This cabinet was included in Hobby Lobby’s 50% off sale of all their wall decor a couple of weeks ago. It was missing its inner shelves, though — a cabinet next to it was exactly the same except it was brown, and it had glass shelves, so I knew it was supposed to have them. When I checked out I pointed that out to the sales clerk, and he gave me another 10% off. I have to tell you, there was a time when I could not have done that. I used to avoid even making returns at stores because I felt intimidated — asking for a “deal” was beyond me. But my husband does that all the time. It used to embarrass me and I’d just walk away when he was “negotiating,” but it’s amazing how often you can get a better deal just by asking politely. I’ll have to ask my husband where to get shelves cut for it. It’s on the floor right now — I haven’t quite decided yet where to put it.

Vase and Idaho clock

I went shopping at a couple of thrift stores a few weeks ago, and this blue vase was the only thing of interest I found. It was all of 99 cents. 🙂 The Idaho clock was made for us by my husband’s former pastor. My husband’s family moved to Idaho when he was in his early teens, I think, and the pastor of his church there did woodworking as a side hobby. He has given us several lovely gifts over the years.

Kelli at There’s No Place Like Home hosts “Show and Tell Friday” asking “Do you have a something special to share with us? It could be a trinket from grade school, a piece of jewelry, an antique find. Your show and tell can be old or new. Use your imagination and dig through those old boxes in your closet if you have to! Feel free to share pictures and if there’s a story behind your special something, that’s even better! If you would like to join in, all you have to do is post your “Show and Tell” on your blog, copy the post link, come over here and add it to Mr. Linky. Guidelines are here.

One-word answer meme

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I saw this at Alice’s and wanted to give it a try:

You’re feeling: Contented
To your left: Mail
On your mind: Responsibilities
Last meal included: Spaghetti
You sometimes find it hard to: Love
The weather: Pleasant
Something you have a collection of: Books
A smell that cheers you up: Chocolate
A smell that can ruin your mood: Sewage
How long since you last shaved: Hours
The current state of your hair: Longish
The largest item on your desk/workspace (not computer): CD-carousel
Your skill with chopsticks: Nonexistent
Which section you head for first in a bookstore: Fiction
Something you’re craving: Cookies
Your general thoughts on the presidential race: Frustrated
How many times have you been hospitalized this year: None
Favorite place to go for a quiet moment: Bedroom
You’ve always secretly thought you’d be a good: Cook
Something that freaks you out a little: Snakes
Something you’ve eaten too much of lately: Sugar
You have never: Skydived
You never want to: Skydive

This was harder than it looked!! Especially trying to form one word answers (I cheated on one with a hyphen). I was tempted to put little explanations or elaborations in parentheses behind some of them but I resisted.

Since I tagged people recently for another meme, I don’t want to over-do tagging, but just let me know of you do this and I’ll come read your answers.

So just what does “judge not” mean anyway?

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I’ve been thinking lately of the differences and similarities between judgment, discernment, and criticism. I hope one day to get those “stray thoughts” out in black and white so as to examine them a little better. But over the past several years I have been distressed to see Christians regarding judgment in a way that I don’t think is entirely biblical. “Judge not, that ye be not judged” (Matthew 7:1) seems to be some people’s best known Bible verse. But what does it mean exactly? I can’t say I know 100%, but I do know a few things it doesn’t mean.

1. “Judge not” doesn’t mean we never say anything to someone about their sin.

How do I know that? Well, the rest of that passage in Matthew and the parallel in Luke 6:37 talk about taking the beam, or big log (or big obvious sin or fault) out of your own eye before taking the mote (or little speck or smaller fault or sin) out of your brother’s eye. But notice it doesn’t say to ignore the speck in your brother’s eye – it says to exercise judgment on yourself first. Then, it says in Luke 6:42 and Matthew 7:5, you can see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” Proverbs 25:12 says, “As an earring of gold, and an ornament of fine gold, so is a wise reprover upon an obedient ear.” Galatians 6:1 says, “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.” There are numerous other verses about confronting others with their sin. If someone comes to us about a problem they see in our lives, our first response should not be, “You’re not supposed to judge me!” We should take what they say before the Lord and examine ourselves in light of Scripture to see if what has been said has merit.

2. It doesn’t mean we never talk about anyone else’s sin.

How do I know that? In the inspired Scripture, the apostle Paul speaks of others’ sins and even calls those people by name. “Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world” (II Timothy 4:10a). “Holding faith, and a good conscience; which some having put away concerning faith have made shipwreck: Of whom is Hymenaeus and Alexander; whom I have delivered unto Satan, that they may learn not to blaspheme” (I Timothy 1:19-20). “Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil: the Lord reward him according to his works: Of whom be thou ware also; for he hath greatly withstood our words” (II Timothy 4:14-15). He speaks of rebuking Peter in Galatians 2. Other biblical writers speak of other people’s sin as well: see the Old Testament prophets, Jude, II Peter 2, II John 2:18-19, III John 1:9-10 (“I wrote unto the church: but Diotrephes, who loveth to have the preeminence among them, receiveth us not. Wherefore, if I come, I will remember his deeds which he doeth, prating against us with malicious words: and not content therewith, neither doth he himself receive the brethren, and forbiddeth them that would, and casteth them out of the church.”)

The Bible does warn against backbiting and gossip. So what is the difference between this kind of public pointing out of sin and gossiping? The main difference seems to be motive. Scriptural discussion of other people’s sin seems to be primarily for the purpose of warning others.

So then what does “judge not” mean? In context the passage seems to be saying to be careful because however you judge other people is how you will be judged.

Discernment is a must in the Christian life. Hebrews 5:14 speaks of “those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.” We need to be able to use our senses to look at doctrines and actions to determine whether they are biblically right or wrong. I hear “judge not” most commonly misapplied in the area of discussing movements or trends or popular preaching or teaching in Christendom, but I think that is an area where Paul and other New Testament writers may exercise the most discernment.

Some of the principles of exercising judgment that we can glean from the passages mentioned so far are: examine yourself and take care of your own sins before dealing with anyone else’s (Matt. 7:1, Luke 6:37); approach another person about their sin with a spirit of meekness and a desire to restore them to a right walk (Gal. 6:1); examine your motives: personal satisfaction in tearing down someone else, the perverted thrill of being “in the know” and wanting to share the knowledge of someone’s else’s sin, pride and self-righteousness are all wrong motives and are probably the wrong kind of judging that is being discussed or the dividing line between discernment and judgment. Other biblical principles are: don’t judge where there is room for differences of opinion (Romans 14); don’t judge someone else’s motives when you don’t know their heart (John 7:1-24, especially verse 24); don’t be a ” busybody in other men’s matters” (I Peter 4:15; see also II Thessalonians 3:11 and I Timothy 5:13); if someone has sinned against you personally, go to them privately before saying anything to anyone else about it (Matthew 18:15-20); don’t be hasty in your judgment (Proverbs 29:20, James 1:19-20).

I’d be interested in your thoughts about what “judge not” means – based on biblical interpretation rather than just “I think…” or “I feel…” statements.