October Reflections

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Once again, we’re nearing the end of another month that flew by quickly. Though there are a few days of October left, I thought I’d go ahead and take a look back.

October is usually a quiet month, with no family birthdays (except my brother’s near the beginning) and no major holidays. I had completely forgotten about pumpkin carving/decorating with the family. We enjoyed doing that last weekend. And I had a couple of medical visits this month. On one hand, it’s nice to have those in a month where nothing else is going on–on the other hand it would have been nice to have a month without anything else on the calendar. But they have to be done some time.

We’ve really enjoyed the changing leaves and cooler temperatures. We’ve had a couple of early morning freezes, but otherwise, the weather has been quite comfortable. And the fall color is hanging on for a good while this year.

I haven’t quite known whether to mention it here, but we recently made the sad decision to leave our church. We love the people, and because of that tried to stay as long as we could. But we have some major differences in doctrine and emphases. We don’t consider each other heretics or anything like that. 🙂 The church was becoming incorporated and encouraging “official” membership, which we hadn’t had yet, since the church was just started a few years ago. Part of the pledge for church membership was promising to support the church’s teachings, and there were some we felt we couldn’t.

It’s a bit difficult to seek a new church, both in feeling “homeless” and in evaluating new places. As I said in Monday’s post, we know no church will tick every box. And churches with the same statement of faith can still vary widely in personality, emphasis, and secondary doctrines.

Creating

I didn’t make any cards this month, though I need to work on one in the next few days.

Watching

We seem to be the only people who enjoyed The Rings of Power, kind of a prequel to The Lord of the Rings.

We also enjoyed Red Tails, about an African American crew during WWII (warning: a smattering of bad language).

Reading

Since last time, I have finished (titles link to my reviews):

  • Always, Only Good: A Journey of Faith Through Mental Illness by Shelly Garlock Hamilton. Ron and Shelly Hamilton’s oldest son began experiencing mental illness in his teens, eventually taking his life in his early thirties. Shelly tells his story and offers encouragement to those whose loves ones walk the same path.
  • Women and Stress: A Practical Approach to Managing Tension by Jean Lush and Pam Vredevelt. I didn’t agree with every little point, but the authors provide a lot of great, practical tips.
  • Enchanted Isle by Melanie Dobson, fiction. A young American woman travels to the Lake District of England, where her mother had visited twenty years earlier. An unsolved disappearance from that era hangs over the reputation of a young man, and he and the young woman try to find out more. Very good.
  • The Hatmaker’s Heart by Carla Stewart, fiction. A talented hatmaker is both stifled and used by her employer. Meanwhile, the young man she thought she would marry is interested in someone else.
  • The Italian Ballerina by Kristy Cambron, fiction. After her grandfather’s death, Delaney Coleman hears from an Italian family claiming he had something that belongs to them. A trip to Rome and some old letters reveal a side of her grandfather that Delaney had never known–including an orphaned Jewish girl, a British ballerina, and “Syndrome K,” a fake illness manufactured to keep Nazi soldiers away from efforts to smuggle Jews to safety. Excellent. Will probably be one of my top ten books of the year.
  • The Search by Grace Livingston Hill, fiction. A society girl and an old friend going to war realize they are nor prepared for death, and they embark on a search for God.
  • A Daily Rate by Grace Livingston Hill, fiction. A single girl on her own for the first time wishes she could spruce up her depressing boarding house and help its inhabitants. When she receives an inheritance, she’s able to pursue her dreams. But the results aren’t always what she planned.

I’ve been going through 2 Chronicles in my devotional time. Warren Wiersbe combined his commentary on 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles in Be Distinct: Stand Firmly Against the World’s Tides, Since I just read and reviewed that book back in June when I went through 2 Kings, I just looked at the parts specifically dealing with Chronicles this time. Most people don’t think of Chronicles as one of the most exciting books of the Bible. But I really got a lot out of it this time. Between Wiersbe’s book and the ESV Study Bible notes, I think this may have been the first time I realized that Chronicles was not just a rehashing of Kings, but it was written when the Jewish exiles in Babylon were about to come back to Israel. It was meant to encourage and remind them that they were still God’s people and His promises to them as a nation were still in effect. And it was also perhaps a warning–they had gone into captivity because they had disobeyed God, worshiped idols, and would not listen to His prophets. They needed to be careful not to go down that same path again.

I’m currently reading:

  • Joy: A Godly Woman’s Adornment by Lydia Brownback
  • Seasons of Sorrow: The Pain of Loss and the Comfort of God by Tim Challies
  • Be Free (Galatians): Exchange Legalism for True Spirituality by Warren Wiersbe
  • Worthy of Legend by Roseanna M. White
  • Three Fifty-Seven A. M.: Timing Is Everything by Kendra Norman-Bellamy and Hank Stewart

Blogging

  • The More We Know Him, the More We Trust Him. “If we’re not careful, we can approach Bible reading with an ‘all about me’ attitude. What’s in it for me, how does it relate to me, how does it make me feel. Instead, the Bible is all about God. God wants to meet our needs, but more than that, He wants us to know Him”
  • Offers of Safety Are Not Always Safe. The world wants to quiet opposing voices in the name of providing a safe haven. But the safe haven is actually a trap where Satan is enfolding people in error.
  • When Is It Wrong to Complain? Sometimes complaining isn’t so much about the words, but the attitude behind them. It’s not wrong to share burdens or problems.
  • Ministry Beyond Church Membership. It can be discouraging to invest time in church visitors who don’t stay. But our ministry still counts if done as unto the Lord.

Writing

I continue to enjoy our writing critique group and have started implementing some of their suggestions for my manuscript.

But I was recently discouraged by a podcast where a literary agent said an aspiring author needed to have 50,000 followers before even seeking an agent. My jaw dropped and my spirit plummeted. If you don’t know, the days are gone when an author submitted a book to a publisher who did all the marketing. These days, new authors are expected to have an audience before a publisher will take a chance on them. Part of that is due to changes in books and publishing over the last several years (more online purchases, fewer bookstores, cuts in publishers’ budgets and personnel) and to the fact that word of mouth is the best way to promote books.

But when a blogger’s focus changes to getting followers, there’s a subtle shift in everything else they do. And I don’t want to have that shift in focus. I want to keep coming alongside and encouraging others here, sharing what I am learning.

It’s not wrong in itself to seek a larger audience. People in the Bible sought ways to share their message. But when that becomes a primary focus, it can skew everything else.

So I am praying about that and about time to write. If you feel led, this writer and others would appreciate your prayers for wisdom and balance and God’s leading.

As we turn the calendar to November in a few days, we’re expecting another fairly quiet month until Thanksgiving week. I enjoy that there is a theme of gratefulness through the entire month of November.

How was your October?

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

A Daily Rate

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The second free Grace Livingston Hill audiobook I mentioned yesterday was titled A Daily Rate.

Celia Murray lives in a Philadelphia boarding house. She and the other residents put up with awful food and shabby surroundings. She’s concerned about one of the younger men who is hanging out with the wrong crowd in the evenings. A couple of the young women seem giggly and frivolous and into nothing more than dating and novels. Celia wishes she could fix up the place and make it more home-like. Perhaps then some of the others would stay in for more wholesome activities.

Celia would also love to bring her Aunt Hannah to live with her. Aunt Hannah had raised Celia when her parents died. Then Hannah had taken in some other nieces ad nephews as well, but they didn’t seem to appreciate her efforts as much. Due to reduced circumstances, Hannah now lives with another niece who treats her as an unpaid servant and baby-sitter.

When Celia comes into an unexpected small inheritance at the same time her landlady has to take a leave due to medical problems, Celia is able to make both dreams come true. She brings Aunt Hannah to help her “mission of making one bright little clean home spot for a few people who had hitherto been in discomfort.” They start small with a few touches here and there, but the biggest change is in providing nourishing food in a clean and attractive setting.

Though Celia has good intentions, she comes across as somewhat judgmental. Plus she is impatient. When her efforts appear to fail, she wants to give up. But Hannah gently helps her gain the right perspective.

One level of the plot has to do with the transformation of the home and boarders, but another level focuses on Celia’s maturing.

A Daily Rate was one of Hill’s earliest novels, written in 1900. The Search, mentioned yesterday, was written 19 years later. Like any author, Hill’s growth as a writer can be seen in her later book. But this one was good as well. It was fun in both books to hear the slang of the day and to get picture of life in that era.

I especially appreciated the emphasis in A Daily Rate on how homemaking can be a ministry to a home’s inhabitants. Even though that’s my chosen profession, I can still get caught up in all the “stuff” that has to be done and have not the best attitude about it. It helps to be reminded that the “stuff” of housekeeping isn’t an end in itself.

The Kindle version of this book is available for 99 cents at the time of this writing.

The Search by Grace Livingston Hill

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Somehow I never read Grace Livingston Hill, even though her books were very popular with young women when I was in my teens and twenties. I thought of them as clean, sweet romance novels. Though most fiction will include romance, no matter the genre, I prefer novels with more to them.

But recently I finished my audiobook and wouldn’t receive a new credit for my next book til the end of the month. I scrolled through Audible’s selections that are included free with membership. I found a couple of Hill’s books there, so decided to give them a try.

The first was titled The Search. Ruth Macdonald is a society girl whose life consists of parties and outings with friends. When WWI starts, Ruth helps in ways that ladies of her class did: making bandages, knitting socks and sweaters for soldiers. etc. Some of her male friends became officers. But the magnitude and meaning of the war didn’t really sink in until she accidentally came upon a group of people seeing draftees off. There Ruth saw an old classmate, John Cameron, who was not of her “set,” but who had done her a kindness when they were children. Ruth is struck by his tender good-bye to his weeping mother and his brave, resolute face. Their eyes met for a brief moment.

Ruth decides to write to John as a friend to tell him she still remembered what he did for her so long ago and to express her appreciation for his part as a soldier. She writes that she hadn’t really thought of the sacrifice young men were making until she saw him.

John is touched by Ruth’s letter, and they begin corresponding regularly. When John gets leave to come home, he asks to visit Ruth.

But then he learns that an old enemy plans to marry Ruth. Could Ruth really love someone like that?

Then this old enemy becomes an officer in John’s company and makes his life miserable.

As John knows he must be prepared for death when his company leaves for France, he tries to search for God. His home minister is not much help. But someone he meets on base gives him a New Testament, and various contacts along the way shed light. But somehow he still doesn’t comprehend.

He tells Ruth about his search, and she realizes that, even though she has been in church all her life and been a “good” girl, she doesn’t really know God either. She embarks on a search of her own.

Hill’s style and tone seemed very similar to Louisa May Alcott and D. E. Stevenson, though Hill is more overtly Christian. Hill’s lifetime was between the other two ladies, overlapping them each by a few decades.

I enjoyed the story quite a lot and wished I had read them in my younger years.

A Kindle version of the book is currently available for 99 cents.

Ministry Beyond Church Membership

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When we knew we were going to move from GA to SC several years ago, we checked into churches and schools as well as housing long before time to go. One church had a Christian school that we liked. But on our first day visiting the church after our move, the pastor announced his resignation due to health problems.

We continued visiting for a while to make sure the school would be a good place for our kids. But we didn’t feel we could make a decision about the church until they chose a new pastor and we could see what kind of man he was and what direction they were going.

So we continued to visit around. We finally settled our choice between this church, still without a pastor, and one other. At this second church, we were invited to attend a membership class to learn what the church was all about. The class was supposed to run about four weeks, if I remember correctly. But the class discussions stretched the length of the class out for several more weeks. We got to know a few people and were asked to participate in various church functions.

In the meantime, the first church called a new pastor. We went back to that church a few times and met with the pastor. Both churches were good, but we felt this first church was a better fit for us.

My husband called the pastor of the second church to let him know we wouldn’t be attending any more. The pastor asked if they had done anything wrong that would cause us not to join there. No, my husband said. Theirs was a fine church. We just felt the first church was where we should be at this point in time.

Any time we ran into the second pastor in town, the encounter felt a little awkward. We hadn’t meant to “lead them on.” In hindsight, perhaps we should not have attended the membership class until we knew we were ready to take that step. On the other hand, the class was presented as the best way to learn about the church. We also didn’t feel we should have abstained from church fellowships, the Missions banquet, etc., until we joined. Going to those events is part of getting to know the church.

I know it can be frustrating to feel like you’ve invested time in people who visit your church, only to have them join somewhere else.

But if I had a chance to speak to the pastor or anyone from the second church now, I would love to tell them your ministry counted, even if we didn’t join. The teaching, kindness, invitations, and conversations were not wasted. They still ministered to us.

Most pastors and church members know that, deep down. They are kind to people for the Lord’s sake, not just to gather church members. Yet I understand the potential for frustration and disappointment.

Our pastor in GA used to faithfully visit people and talk to them about the Lord. He once commented that when someone he talked to became a Christian or decided to get back into church, suddenly relatives seemed to come out of the woodwork to fold the person into their church. He was tempted to think “Where were you before now?” But he knew the principle that one person plants the seed, another waters, but God is the one who brings a soul to Himself (1 Corinthians 3:5-9). While experiencing a pang that his own church was small, ultimately he wanted the new believer or reclaimed backslider to be where God wanted them, where they could best get established and grow in Him. And I’m sure most ministers and church members want the same.

The last time we searched for a new church, we noticed that not many people greeted first-time visitors. The pastor always made it a point to meet us (with one exception). But often only one other person spoke to us beyond a nod. Perhaps they think the occasional new face is just passing through. It’s usually after a few visits, especially to smaller services like Wednesday prayer meetings, before people seem to loosen up. I don’t think they are consciously thinking, “We”ll see if they’re going to stick around first before we open up to them,” but it can feel that way. I know greeting strangers in church feels awkward except to the most outgoing extroverts. One of the hardest things for me to do is greet someone I don’t know. I’m usually fine once I get started, but that initial contact can be daunting. But it’s always worth it.

So many churches sound the same on their websites. Even churches with almost identical statements of faith can have vastly different personalities and emphases. My husband said that “no” concerning a potential church is relatively easy to come to, but a “yes” takes longer. Sometimes on the very first visit, we can tell a church is not for us. But other times, it takes a while to really get a feel for where the church is and where it’s going. I suppose it’s an embarrassment of riches that in most American cities, we have so many options to choose from.

No church is perfect, of course. None will tick every little preference. Church visitors know that.

But as they seek the place God has for them, where they can best grow and serve, they might have to try several places. Choosing one doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything “wrong” with the others.

So as people come through our doors, we welcome them, we minister to them as unto the Lord, we want God’s best for them. If they don’t stay in our church, they’re still “family,” if they are believers. If they don’t know the Lord, we lovingly try to point them to Him. We hope they all stay on. But if they don’t, we want to be able to rest in the fact that we’ve helped them draw closer to Him in the time they were with us.

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

Laudable Linkage

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Here’s another round of good reads found this week.

There’s No Growth Without Death, HT to Challies. “I’m sure you’ve heard good Christians say things like I want to know God more this year. I want to be more prayerful. To read my Bible more regularly. To be more committed at church. Perhaps even give more. The problem is like with many new year resolutions they don’t see beyond February. Why? Because with most good intentions we don’t really think they have a cost.”

What to Say to Someone Suffering Like Job, HT to Challies. “The book of Job does not directly tell us how to address Job-like suffering. But I think we can sketch what a helpful answer would be, if we take an approach exactly opposite from his friends.”

How to Be Gracious When Haters Gonna Hate, HT to Challies. “If indeed I have anything valuable to say about graciousness, it’s because I have the best Teacher. Let me just take you through three Bible passages I go to when I realize that there are theological critics under my skin and normal tweezers aren’t getting them out.”

Praying in Public, HT to Challies. Lisa offers some good tips for getting beyond the awkwardness of being asked to pray in public.

Getting America’s Most Famous (or Infamous) Sermon Right, HT to Challies. “Edwards expounded the mercy, grace, and goodness of God to an equal degree with the wrath of God. Therefore, contrary to popular understanding, being in the hands of an angry God isn’t strangulation, it’s mercy. God’s hands are full of grace. They are the only force keeping you out of hell this very second. Every moment in his hands is an opportunity to turn to him and live.”

The Need for Roots, HT to Challies. “A few years ago I noticed how many of my favourite authors were writing during or immediately after World War II. It had not occurred to me before, and I wondered why it might be the case.” It had not occurred to me, either. Some interesting observations.

The Birth of Narnia and Why Tolkien Hated It, HT to Challies. I had heard a little about this, but I was glad to read more. I’m glad Lewis persevered!

I love the hymn “What God Ordains” by Samuel Rodigast. This is the first stanza:

Friday’s Fave Five

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I appreciate our regular practice of pausing at least once a week to remember the blessings of the week with Susanne and friends at Living to Tell the Story.

1. The University of TN vs. Alabama game. Neither my husband and I are much into sports. But when we moved to Knoxville, it was hard not to get caught up into Vols fandom. The last few years, however, we haven’t been able to see the games on our particular cable plan. Last Saturday’s game was on CBS, so we turned it on mid-way through the second quarter. Man, what a nail-biter. Each side had some great plays, and each side made mistakes (they’re only human, after all). I hadn’t realized that there was a particular rivalry between these two teams, with AL winning the last 15 or so of their matches with UT. But UT won with a field goal in the last minutes. I’m thankful the game we got to see was such a good one.

2. Dinner with the family. We usually see Jason, Mittu, and Timothy at least once a week, but hadn’t seen Jesse since my out-of-town family was here a couple of weeks ago. Mittu made dinner for us all Sunday night–tilapia, garlic mashed potatoes, and broccoli in cheese sauce. Then we played a couple of games.

3. Newish clothing. I had ordered some long-sleeved items last year near the end of winter, but didn’t have a chance to wear them much before the weather turned warm. It’s been fun to rediscover those this year and to find that my clothing is pretty well set for the season.

4. A favorite old sweater. I have newer, better looking sweaters, but they’re a little heavier and thicker. The one I wear most is old, stretched out, frayed, and even has some holes—but it’s just the right weight for around the house. One bonus: since it’s already so well-worn, I don’t care if I spill on it or snag it on something. But I’d be embarrassed to wear it out or even have anyone but family see me in it at home. I’d love to find something the same weight to replace it with.

5. Our beautiful fall weather and color continue, though we’ve had early morning freezes a couple of times.

Some of you who have participated in FFF for a long time may remember Debbie in Canada (Edmonton) who used to blog as Purple Grandma, though her blog doesn’t appear to be online any more. Her family and ours attended the same church for a decade or more after we were first married. She and her husband planted Foundation Baptist Church in Calgary, and I believe they began Foundation Baptist College, or were, at least, instrumental in starting it. Debbie has been battling cancer recently. It started in her pancreas but has metastasized to other parts of her body. She keeps having bad reactions to different combinations of chemo—fever, severe digestive issues, low white blood count. I think she has ended up in the hospital after almost every treatment. Her doctor discontinued chemo, saying it was killing her. Their only other option appears to be various herbal treatments and supplements. Debbie is ready to go to heaven, but she’d love to stay around for a while longer with her family. If you’re a praying person, I’m sure she would appreciate your prayers. If you’d like to follow her journey, you can find updates at Mama Talbert’s Cancer Fight on Facebook.

The Italian Ballerina

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The Italian Ballerina by Kristy Cambron is one of those books that makes you want to put everything aside and just read.

Delaney Coleman has just returned home to help her parents after the death of her grandfather. She learns that they’ve received notices from a family in Italy saying they have a claim to something of her grandfather’s. Delaney’s mom has ignored the messages, but Delaney looks into the claim.

She speaks to Matteo, who says that Delaney’s grandfather owned a small ivory suitcase printed with cherries on the outside. He claims that the suitcase belongs to his grandmother, and she’d like to have it back. His family offers to fly Delaney and the suitcase to Rome.

Intrigued and confused, and as a writer “between pens,” as she puts it, Delaney decides to accept the offer. In Rome, Delaney meets Calla, Matteo’s grandmother. Calla can’t speak English, but she gazes at Delaney and says, “Salvatore.” Delaney and Matteo work together to learn the connection between their grandparents.

Scenes switch back to Delaney’s grandfather’s time before and during WWII. Court Coleman had gotten himself into trouble and pushed away Penelope, the girl he loved. Roped into helping Penn’s father at their orchard in order to pay off his debts, Court begins to settle down and wonder if he might have a chance with Penn again. But then America enters WWII, and Court is sent to Italy as a medic.

One day as his unit is on a reconnaissance mission, Court and his commanding officer, AJ, are stranded while a Nazi troupe is rounding up Jews. They are horrified to watch the Nazis shoot a couple in cold blood and leave their daughter in the streets. Against orders, Court rescues the girl and is injured in the process.

He wakes up in an Italian hospital. He finds that he is in a quarantine ward, where a mysterious, deadly illness called Syndrome K is running rampant.

Except—Syndrome K is a made-up illness, created to keep the Nazis away from the ward while the doctors and Catholic priests who own the hospital hide and send out Jews.

A British ballerina named Julia and her partner are stranded at the hospital as well while he heals from a gunshot wound in his leg. She helps Court and A. J. and the little girl with them, as well as the doctors in the ward.

Unfortunately, the audiobook I listened to did not include the author’s information about what parts of the story were true, and our library system didn’t have a copy.. But the part about Syndrome K was real, as detailed here.

There are many strands nicely woven together in this novel, many developing relationships, and the unfolding mystery of the connection between Matteo’s and Delaney’s grandparents. The Amazon description says, “Based on true accounts of the invented Syndrome K sickness, The Italian Ballerina journeys from the Allied storming of the beaches at Salerno to the London ballet stage and the war-torn streets of World War II Rome, exploring the sometimes heart-wrenching choices we must make to find faith and forgiveness, and how saving a single life can impact countless others.”

I’ve gotten used to time-slip novels that go back and forth between history and present day. Kristy has written a few with three timelines. The only problem was that the scenes flashing back to Court’s earlier life weren’t in chronological order. The first scenes were in Italy during WWII–then there’s a scene at Penn’s family’s orchard before the war. The same thing happens with Julia’s timeline. The format made it a little confusing and jarring, although it only took a sentence or two to get reoriented. I had to train myself to listen for the date and location listed at the beginning of each chapter, which is a little harder to do with an audiobook.

But other than that, I loved everything about this book. I wanted to race to see what happened, yet didn’t want it to end.

I listened to the audiobook, wonderfully read by Barrie Kreinik.

Women and Stress

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I’m embarrassed to say I have had Women and Stress: A Practical Approach to Managing Tension by Jean Lush and Pam Vredevelt on my bookshelf for years. Just recently the title caught my eye, and I decided it was about time I got to it.

Jean Rush was a family therapist who was a frequent guest on James Dobson’s Focus on the Family radio program. Pam was a counselor.

They start off the book discussing the different things that make us tense (they seem to use stress and tension interchangeably). Then they discuss the typical responses to tension, especially the “fight or flight” responses and the advantages and disadvantages of each.

They use the imagery of a storage pot of tensions, with each person having a different size pot. But eventually, each pot can overflow, causing a mess. But they also talk about energy which seeks a discharge, which reminded me of static electricity.

Then, as the title says, they share some very practical ways to keep the pot from overflowing or the electricity from discharging. They use multitudes of helpful examples from their own lives and practices.

A couple of my favorite quotes from the book:

What are your needs? How do you need God to intervene for you? Talk with Him about your sources of tension. Ask Him for wisdom and guidance. Ask Him for answers. God is not partial. He will do for you what He has done for me and Susan, June, Mrs. Hastings, and countless others. His ears will hear your cry, and He will act on your behalf, but it all must start with you. Carve out some time to be alone with Him. Tune your ears to listen to His Spirit. Open your heart to receive from Him. Then get ready. Watch. Wait. In time, you’ll sense Him filling the holes in your soul (p. 91).

I believe many of life’s greatest blessings come wrapped in struggle paper. Unwrapping those blessings takes time. It’s a process consisting of several phases (p. 256).

I appreciated the authors’ down-to-earth approach. Their chapters weren’t weighted down with clinical language or vague theories. I loved that they centered their advice around God and His ways and Word.

I think the authors and I would agree on core Biblical issues, but I think we come from different faith traditions. On the very first page, Jean mentions something that I would disagree with. I went back and forth about whether to get into the issue here, and decided against it. It would take a while to explain adequately and might be misunderstood. But, like any book, we read with discernment and compare what we read with Scripture.

This book was published in 1992. It doesn’t mention some ways to relieve tension that you might find in a modern book, but I liked its “old school” approach. Even though it’s older, and I might not agree with every little point, I found much helpful information here.

When Is It Wrong to Complain?

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It wasn’t one of my finer moments.

In my senior year of college, some of us were assigned to student teach at a particular public school. One of the young men generously offered to drive us there and back every day. Since most of us did not have cars, we appreciated his offer.

I don’t remember what kind of car my fellow student had, but something about it produced an awful sulfurous smell. I frequently commented on the bad odor as I got out of the car. One morning, the driver looked at me wearily and said, “I know. But I can’t do anything about it right now.”

Then I felt ashamed that I had complained, especially so often. Complaining didn’t help the situation, and it weighed on my fellow student who had been so kind as to give me a ride.

Sometimes It’s hard to know when “stating facts” is complaining. One of my children went through a period where, if I said, “It sure is hot,” he would say, “Complaining is a sin.” I don’t know what inspired him to say that. I am sure I probably spoke to my children about complaining at times, but not like that.

But is every observation about how hot or cold it is or how we’ve had not enough or too much rain complaining?

I want to know when my family doesn’t like food I’ve prepared or a gift I’ve given. I don’t want to keep feeding or giving them things they don’t want. But I hope they’ll let me know their dislikes in a kind way (and they do).

On the other hand, it’s possible to go too far the other way. My mother-in-law almost never complained. But that meant we didn’t know when something was wrong. Sometimes when we’d travel to Idaho to see her, we’d hear about some family problem. When we asked, “Why didn’t you say anything?” she replied, “I didn’t want you to worry.” It actually caused us to worry more that she’d carry the weight of family problems without letting anyone know.

The psalmists poured out their problems and their needs to God. Paul named people who wronged him.

So just stating that something is wrong is not complaining. But how we state it may be.

If you’ve read through the first five books of the Bible, especially Exodus, you can’t help but notice the Israelites’ complaints. They needed food and water, yes, but they didn’t ask God for them in faith. They griped, they threatened Moses, they vowed to turn back to Egypt, where they had it so good (how soon they forgot their woes in Egypt). God patiently met their needs at first. But after a while, after seeing Him provide for them over and over, they should have come to trust Him. He began to deal with them more severely. “ We must not put Christ to the test, as some of them did and were destroyed by serpents, nor grumble, as some of them did and were destroyed by the Destroyer. Now these things happened to them as an example, but they were written down for our instruction, on whom the end of the ages has come” (1 Corinthians 10:9-11).

Here are some considerations that help me discern when I’ve lapsed into complaining:

Is my complaint a lack of faith, like the Israelites? Do I fear that God won’t provide? Or do I not like the way He has provided?

Is my complaint a lack of gratitude or contentment? No matter how much God has provided, do I want more or better?

Am I being selfish or spoiled?

Do I need to adjust my perspective? When I can’t find my favorite brand of bottled water or toilet paper, I need to remember what a privilege it is to have either of those items.

Am I burdening or discouraging others with my complaint? My complaining of the car’s odor reminded me of Proverbs 27:15: “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike.” Proverbs 25:24 says it’s better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with such a woman. Though I wasn’t married to this young man, I’m sure my complaints were just as irritating as continual dripping.

Does complaining make up too much of my conversation?

Does my complaint need to be said? Sometimes yes. “With my voice I cry out to the Lord; with my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord. I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him” (Psalm 142:1-2). We don’t need to act like Christians never have problems or burdens or issues. It’s okay to share troubles, likes, dislikes, frustrations. We need help and encouragement and comfort.

But sometimes no, as in my complaint about the smelly car. An observation or question (“What’s causing that awful smell?”) would have been one thing. But to continually carry on about it every day was wrong.

When Paul and Silas were beaten and imprisoned, they didn’t rail against the injustice of it all. They prayed and sang hymns to God. And God used them to share the gospel with the jailer, who became a believer. In Paul’s letters from prison, he shared his needs, but he didn’t grouse about his situation.

But, as I mentioned before, Paul did name people who had wronged him. His purpose, however, wasn’t just to gripe. He needed to warn the church that something with these people wasn’t right. It wasn’t a matter of a personal affront, but of a deeper issue.

After examining my heart for all these issues when I am tempted to complain, I need to remember that God has a purpose even in the everyday irritations of life. Amy Carmichael said, “The best training is to learn to accept everything as it comes, as from Him whom our soul loves. The tests are always unexpected things, not great things that can be written up, but the common little rubs of life, silly little nothings, things you are ashamed of minding one scrap” (source unknown). Elisabeth Elliot said, “An angry retort from someone may be just the occasion we need in which to learn not only longsuffering and forgiveness, but meekness and gentleness; fruits not born in us but borne only by the Spirit” (from “God’s Curriculum” in Keep a Quiet Heart).

God may be using these issues to strengthen my faith or character or rub some of my rough edges off.

Or He may want my different reaction to be a testimony, like Paul and Silas’ was. When Paul writes, “Do all things without grumbling or disputing,” he goes on to say “that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life” (Philippians 2:14-16a). Our lack of grumbling and arguing can be a means of shining God’s light in the world.

What do you think? When does stating a problem lapse into complaining?

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

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Here is the latest round-up of good reads found this week:

Hearts Painted by the Word Again and Again, HT to Challies. “The job of painting the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco is never-ending. I heard once that they paint it end-to-end, but by the time they get to the end—however many years that may take—it is time to start over.” I love the analogy drawn from this!

When Working for God Becomes the Goal. “It is not God’s design or will that any of His children find their personal worth in what they achieve. God never tells us that if we fail to ‘make a difference’ or ‘leave our mark’ in some profound way that we are insignificant. But this ambition to ‘leave a legacy’ through measurable success is mainstream in some cultures. It has a glittering appeal to those who have a genuine heart to serve Christ and be good stewards of their gifts.”

The Silent Sin that Kills Christian Love, HT to Challies. “Perhaps the test of faithfulness in a day of moral degradation will be our love for people across chasms of difference. Faithfulness isn’t in showy displays that we hate all the right people. Faithfulness isn’t in adopting a contemptuous posture toward the current president or the former one. The way of the cross rejects the path of sneers and jeers, whether in the form of elite condescension or populist passion.”

Mothering with Humility, HT to the Story Warren. “I didn’t have much choice but to be completely transparent with my seven-year-old son. A few minutes earlier, his concerned little face had peered down the stairs, trying to figure out why I was responding angrily to something his dad had said. Now, I found myself trying to calm him down and convince him to apologize to his older brother, with whom he was furious.”

Parents, Just Go to Church. “Getting to church is hard. But that’s part of the value of attending church every Sunday. It sets the tone for the Christian’s daily struggle to live in personal relationship with Christ.”

Why Study Doctrine? “Some dismiss doctrine as uninteresting, irrelevant, or just plain boring. ‘Don’t give me doctrine. Just give me Jesus! Doctrine may be cool for pastors or Bible nerds, but I live in the real world. I need practical stuff that works!’ Why study doctrine? Let me suggest a few reasons…”

Why We Go Light on Polemics, HT to Challies. “I am not saying there is never a time to do polemics. After all, Paul says that we “destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God” (2 Cor 10:5). . . . The main issue I’ve faced with polemical approaches is that they risk triggering a defensive response, where someone is overtaken by the sense that they are duty-bound to protect their community’s honor from the attacks of an outsider.”

Becoming a Better Bibliophile. “I keep convincing myself that I would be a better person if I simply buy another book.”