Author Archives: Barbara Harper

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About Barbara Harper

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Book Review: Take Four

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Take Four by Karen Kingsbury is the fourth and last in her Above the Line series primarily about Christian filmmakers. I think I enjoyed this one the most of the four, though there was one sentence that was more explicit than was needed.

In this book, Christian filmmakers Keith Ellison and Dayne Matthews have to decide what to do about the mega-star who agreed to act in their film but whose wild lifestyle has been making news. Keith’s daughter Andi has come back to her faith but has to deal with her pregnancy. Having had one sister who placed a baby for adoption and another who kept the baby she had as a teen-ager, I could identify with the poignancy of Andi’s struggles: either option is a million times better than abortion, but neither option is easy. Then the Cody/Bailey storyline continues. After they finally came to an understanding in the last book, it was frustrating to see them start having some of the same problems and issues in just a short time, yet within the context of the story it did make sense.

The most disappointing part of the book was a major story line left hanging until the next series. It would have been fine from one book to another within a series, but in my opinion it was too significant to leave for another whole series. But since I am sure I will be reading the next series, I don’t suppose it matters in the long run.

I’ve debated about whether to say this here or whether to write to the publisher, but I have been noticing an increasing amount of editorial oversights in Karen’s last few books. I think about mentioning them to the publisher each time, but then figure someone else already has. I know the fans clamor for the next book as soon as possible, and I know Karen is a prolific author, but I would urge the editors to take the needed time to go over things with a finer comb, because it does interrupt the flow of the story when a reader has a “Wait….what?!?” moment while reading. And I would urge the fans to be patient and wait for the best quality. I know we need to overlook the occasional typo, but, as I mentioned, there are more of these kinds of things than there used to be in Karen’s books.

I need to come up with some kind of rating system and graphic, but if I had a five-star system, this would be a definite 4.5.

(This review is linked to Semicolon‘s Saturday Review of Books.)

A fond farewell from the ladies’ group

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Monday night was my last night with our ladies’ group here at church before our move. I was pretty emotional right beforehand, but the Lord gave grace during the evening to handle it all well. I was really, really hoping not to cry in front of people. I know this will sound silly and vain, but one time when I was crying when I was little, I caught sight of myself in a mirror and was shocked. It wasn’t pretty. 🙂 Not that I am obsessed with being pretty, but it wasn’t the elegant crying you see on TV, the quiet dabbing at the corner of the eye with one’s handkerchief. It was red, screwed-up face, runny nose, blubbering, snorting, and gasping. And from that moment on I hoped to never cry in front of others. Even with that, the Lord gave grace to just not worry about it, that we’d just deal with whatever happened — but I am really glad He helped me not to cry. 🙂

OK, enough silliness about crying..

The ladies were incredibly generous to me. They gave me an arrangement of beautiful pink-edged roses…

And a copy of one of my favorite hymns done in calligraphy in different shades of pink by one of the ladies:

They also gave me a gift card from Michael’s to help decorate our new home and gift cards to Outback for an outing with the family. I joked with them that I should leave more often since it is so rewarding. 🙂 But probably the most treasured gift is a little booklet done in the style of the ladies’ booklet I have done for almost ten years with notes to me from several of the ladies as well as many of our missionaries and some scattered quotes and poems.

I was blessed reading over that Monday night when I got home and I know I will enjoy going over it again and again. It was gratifying to know that some of the goals I had for the group had been accomplished and a blessing to see that the Lord had used the ladies’ ministry in many ways.

I have to confess at first that I was incredibly nervous about being honored in front of people. I am often terribly self-conscious in groups, even to the point of not being able to raise my hand to answer a question, so the thought of having everyone’s attention directed toward me in that way was uncomfortable, to say the least. And then the thought of having what I do highlighted nearly sent me into a panic attck. It’s funny, if someone compliments my cooking or decorating, and I can just say “thank you” and move on, but if someone compliments something I do in the way of ministry, I had this strange idea that that was taking away from the Lord receiving glory for it, especially if I took pleasure in being complimented for it. I wrestled with that in one of my earliest posts here. But over the last week, the Lord helped me come to terms with that enough to be able face the evening graciously. I was going to devote a whole post to thinking through all of that, but there just hasn’t been time to write it out. But one thing that helped was this quote from C. S. Lewis in Mere Christianity:

Pleasure in being praised is not Pride. The child who is patted on the back for doing a lesson well, the woman whose beauty is praised by her lover, the saved soul to whom Christ says, “Well done,” are all pleased and ought to be. For here the pleasure lies not in what you are but in the fact that you have pleased someone you wanted (and rightly wanted) to please. The trouble begins when you pass from thinking, “I have pleased him; all is well,” to thinking, “What a fine person I must be to have done it.”

Then I wrote to my good friend Susan for some help in gaining the right perspective, and she encouraged me to just graciously accept it as an expression of love and the ladies desire to be a blessing to me.

I also remembered something a former pastor’s wife shared in an officer’s meeting for a ladies’ group — she was emphasizing the need to speak up when giving reports to the group, because it wasn’t doing anyone any good to stand up in front of people to say something if no one could hear you, and she made the statement that self-consciousness is consciousness of self, and we’re supposed to forget self (let me just say, lest anyone take that the wrong way out of context, she wasn’t talking about forgetting self to the point of becoming a doormat and never having a will or desires of your own, but she was making the point that self-consciousness is fed by too much focus on self.)

Then Monday morning, several of the verses from Daily Light spoke of not being afraid or dismayed, because the Lord was with me, and even though those verses were talking about vastly different circumstances, they were a help.

There is a balance between doing things “Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men” (Ephesians 6:6-7) and “[Letting] your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16). I hope I was able to justly point the glory for any good accomplished to the Lord. I tried to share I Peter 4: 10-11: “As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God; if any man minister, let him do it as of the ability which God giveth: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be praise and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.” both as a means of showing that anything I did was “as of the ability which God giveth” and to encourage whoever takes up the ladies’ ministry next that He will enable them, as well. I am blessed to know that God can use me in spite of my faults and flaws.

I want to write up some of the things involved with the ladies’ ministry for the next person — not that they have to do everything the way I did it, but just so they have some idea of what’s going on and why — but other than that, I am pretty much done with my responsibilities there. In some ways it is an incredible relief; in other ways I am missing it already. I know the Lord will have ministry for us in a new church, but my mind is also buzzing with ideas about some other writing possibilities and a web site for ladies’ ministry that I have been thinking about setting up. So, we’ll see how the Lord leads some time after the dust settles from moving!

The Week In Words

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Welcome to The Week In Words, where we share quotes from the last week’s reading. If something you read this past week  inspired you, caused you to laugh, cry, think, dream, or just resonated with you in some way, please share it with us, attributing it to its source, which can be a book, newspaper, blog, Facebook — anything that you read. More information is here.

Just a further note — if you’ve posted a quote on your blog this past week, feel free to link it here as well. You don’t have to save it for Mondays. 🙂 And please do read and comment even if you’re not posting quotes.

There were a few quotes that stood out to me from this week’s reading of Our Daily Walk by F. B. Meyer:

From July 6 on Galatians 6:1-10:

The sinful soul has to bear a heavy burden indeed; and too often his fellow-Christians pass him by with averted faces and frowns. No one visits him, or cares to be seen in his company, or tries to help him regain his former footing.

“Christ’s law,” which we are called to fulfil, is to seek out the erring one, to go after that which is lost, to restore the wanderer, to help carry his burden, considering lest we be tempted, and lapse into the same sin.

It’s all too true that when someone falls, we’re too concerned about being tainted by association, or we figure they don’t really want to hear from us.

From the July 7 reading on James 1, particularly the part about looking “into the perfect law of liberty”:

Do not stand gazing at the imperfections which the Word of God reveals, but having learnt where you come short, dare to believe that Jesus Christ is the true counterpart of your need; that He is strong where you are weak, and full where you are empty.

From the July 9 reading on Mark 8:32-38, especially v. 36, with the parts that particularly struck me in bold print:

It is not necessary for any man to make a cross; it is our part simply to take up that which God has laid down for us. The cross is no exceptional piece of asceticism, but it is the constant refusal to gratify our self-life; the perpetual dying to pride and self-indulgence, in order to follow Christ in His redemptive mission for the salvation of men. And it is in proportion as men live like this that they realize the deepest and truest and highest meaning of life. When we live only to save ourselves, to build warm nests, to avoid every discomfort and annoyance, to make money entirely for our own use and enjoyment, to invent schemes for our own pleasure, we become the most discontented and miserable of mankind. How many there are who have given themselves up to a life of selfishness and pleasure-seeking, only to find their capacity for joy has shrivelled, and their lives plunged into gloom and despair. They have lost their souls!

Finally, on page 177 of Hoping for Something Better: Refusing to Settle for Life as Usual, a Bible study by Nancy Guthrie, from the section commenting on the “sacrifice of praise” mentioned in Hebrews 13:15:

When we choose to praise God for His goodness, despite His allowing what we would nor describe as good into our lives, that is a sacrifice of praise. When we praise His for His sovereignty, even though we don’t understand the whys of His plans, that is a sacrifice of praise.

If you have some family-friendly quotes you’d like to share, please leave the link to your “Week In Words” post with Mr. Linky below. I hope you’ll visit some of the other participants as well: this is a small enough meme so far that it is not hard to visit around with others who love to glean quotes from their reading as well.

Love Divine, All Loves Excelling

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This is one of my favorite old hymns. I know it primarily by this tune, but another familiar one is here as well as this one set to Pachelbel’s Canon. My favorite instrumental version is on a Steve Pettit CD.

Love divine, all loves excelling,
Joy of heaven to earth come down;
Fix in us thy humble dwelling;
All thy faithful mercies crown!
Jesus, Thou art all compassion,
Pure unbounded love Thou art;
Visit us with Thy salvation;
Enter every trembling heart.

Breathe, O breathe Thy loving Spirit,
Into every troubled breast!
Let us all in Thee inherit;
Let us find that second rest.
Take away our bent to sinning;
Alpha and Omega be;
End of faith, as its Beginning,
Set our hearts at liberty.

Come, Almighty to deliver,
Let us all Thy life receive;
Suddenly return and never,
Never more Thy temples leave.
Thee we would be always blessing,
Serve Thee as Thy hosts above,
Pray and praise Thee without ceasing,
Glory in Thy perfect love.

Finish, then, Thy new creation;
Pure and spotless let us be.
Let us see Thy great salvation
Perfectly restored in Thee;
Changed from glory into glory,
Till in heaven we take our place,
Till we cast our crowns before Thee,
Lost in wonder, love, and praise.

~ Charles Wesley, 1747

Friday’s Fave Five

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Susanne at Living to Tell the Story hosts Friday’s Fave Five so we can share our favorite things from the last week. This has been a wonderful exercise in looking for and appreciating the good things God gives. Click on the button to learn more, then go to Susanne’s to read others’ faves and link up your own.

1. I mentioned this earlier this week, but I really enjoyed that the Fourth of July was on a Sunday this year. Grandma’s birthday was Friday, we went to one fireworks event Saturday night, our church had a cookout Sunday, and we shot off personal fireworks at my son and daughter-in-law’s house Sunday night. Then my husband had Monday off for the holiday since it fell on a day he already had off. So it was a festive weekend, but not too rushed or crowded.

I love these little tanks and trucks.

2. This is one of the cutest, sweetest things I have ever seen:

3. Dinner at Fuddruckers. I think I have mentioned them before. But Tuesday night I just had a craving for BEEF! And that seemed to fit the bill. Plus I love their fudge brownies. It takes me a couple of days to finish one off.

4. AC and ceiling fans. I’ve used both this week, and I am so glad to have them. I hate to think what the electric bill will be this month, though.

5. These goodies from Karla Dornacher:

She mentioned here that she had found a box of old prints that she was putting on her Etsy shop and told the story behind the Psalm 119:105 print. I loved the print itself, but I really enjoyed reading about all that I would likely have never gotten out of it on my own. I ordered that one as well as the wisdom print, and Karla tucked in a few extra little goodies as well.

Hope you have a great weekend!

Flashback Friday: Medical Memories

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Mocha With Linda hosts a weekly meme called Flashback Friday. She’ll post a question every Thursday, and then Friday we can link our answers up on her site.

The question for this week is:

Were you prone to accidents and injuries when you were growing up? Did you ever break a bone? Knock out any teeth? Get stitches? Have you ever ridden in the back of an ambulance? Did you ever have surgery or spend any time in a hospital? How did your folks treat injuries and illnesses? With lots of TLC or by telling you to get a stiff upper lip? Was there a particular home remedy that your mom (or dad or whoever!) used or any “traditions” involving injuries or illnesses? What’s the worst injury (or illness) you had when you were growing up?

Thankfully I was fairly healthy as a child. I had the usual non-major illnesses and injuries: chicken pox, strep throat, skinned knees, etc., but thankfully no major illnesses or accidents, no broken bones. I had my tonsils removed when I was about six, but that was fairly common then. That was my only childhood hospitalization. I remember my beloved doctor carrying me to the operating room, being asleep but then waking up IN the operating room, but thankfully before they started doing anything, feeling uncomfortable afterward but enjoying staying in bed, reading comic books, and eating jello and ice cream.

I did have a few relatively minor injuries along the way. In first or second grade, a group of us were throwing rocks at each other — not maliciously — it was all in fun. I don’t know why we thought that would be fun. But I got hit in the head and started bleeding profusely. I do remember my mom coming and I remember going to the doctor — I don’t remember an ambulance or stitches. When I got back to school the teacher made us all write 100 times or so, “I will not throw rocks,” and I was indignant that I, as the injured party, had to suffer punishment, too. 🙂

I don’t remember how old I was when my mom asked me to help take the side down on her friend’s playpen, and somehow my finger got stuck and cut into just below the nail. It must have gotten infected, because some time later we had to go to the doctor about it. While he was working on my finger, removing the nail, his nurse was between me and my hand  (which was stretched out on a board) asking me about my birthday. I was so aggravated with her! Who wants to talk about their birthday at a time like that! I realized later she was just trying to distract me from what the doctor was doing. Then another time, my brother dropped his toy gun on my foot — toy guns were made of heavy metal, not the lightweight stuff they use today — and I ended up having to get a toenail removed. Not fun.

Vicks VapoRub on forehead, cheeks, and chest was the remedy for a really bad cold. We lived in houses that had boxy gas stoves in the living room as the main source of heat, and my parents would put a coffee can full of water and a dollop of Vicks in it on the stove as kind of a room humidifier. Iodine was put on cuts, causing a burning sensation and leaving a red stain for a while. Calomine lotion was used for anything itchy, from bug bites to chicken pox, leaving us with pink spots from the medicine. The only really weird home remedy I remember was that if we had an earache, my dad would blow cigar smoke in our ears and then stuff them with cotton. I have no idea why — it sounds so bizarre. Maybe the warmth was supposed to be soothing? As an adult I was concerned that the smoke did long term damage and I was going to get cancer in my ears or head, but figured since I couldn’t do anything about it after the fact, I wouldn’t worry about until I needed to.

We never went for regular dentist checkups — my parents had neither the money for that nor the dental insurance. When I was in junior high, I had two abscessed teeth, on one either side of my head, and the dentist pulled one of them one week and the other one the next week. He said that when my wisdom teeth came in, the other teeth would move down into the empty space — and they did. That was my only dental experience until after I was married — and, of course, there was a LOT of dental work to be done then! I only had to have my bottom two wisdom teeth taken out when I was in my 30s. The oral surgeon keopt saying, “This is so much easier to do when you’re 16,” and I kept thinking, “Maybe, but I can’t help that now!”

Because my parents had several children and not much money, we only went to the doctor if something was really bad or had lasted a long time. Probably because of that, and the fact that sometimes waiting made the situation worse, I was prone to go to the doctor myself and take the kids to the doctor a little too often for several years, but I think I have evened out now.

Book Review: God Wears His Own Watch

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When my ever-practical husband first saw the title of God Wears His Own Watch by Reid Lehman, he commented, “God doesn’t wear a watch.” True, but Mr, Lehman explains that what he means is that God operates on His own time table, not ours. Sometimes He seems to act in ways that seem late, even past our human deadlines, but He never fails.

At 144 pages, this book is a brief but compelling history of Miracle Hill Ministries and how God has provided for it and worked in the lives of both the workers and the clients.

If you’ve ever tried to work with homeless or addicted, you know it can be discouraging and frustrating, yet God does still patiently change lives. Sanctification is a long process, and when we struggle with our own besetting sins we shouldn’t be surprised that others with perhaps more visible sins do as well. It was a thrill to read of those whose lives the Lord saved and changed, and it encouraged hope for some of my own lost loved ones. One particular lady in one pastor’s neighborhood was in “a drunken haze” for fifteen years before she finally responded to his invitation to trust Christ. How few people are that patient and persistent in working with people! This lady was one of the very few who never relapsed once she was saved and later on became a faithful worker at Miracle Hill. Her own children had been taken from her by DSS, but she became a baby-sitter to Mr. Lehman’s children, which helped heal that wound in her heart, and she was later able to reestablish a relationship with her own children. Sometimes we can harshly judge that some of the painful consequences people encounter are “only what they deserve,” forgetting the depth of pain of those consequences and the mercy we have received in not getting everything we “deserve” for our sins.

Mr. Lehman is also very transparent about his own struggles with feeling inadequate to take over the leadership and how God used different situations in the ministry to reveal to him his own sins and needs in order to change him. He says on page 129:

The people we serve at Miracle Hill have real problems — massive, unsolvable problems. Pious platitudes just won’t do. Quoting Scripture at them, even though it’s the tool God uses to change lives, isn’t enough, either. When we want to see the lives of others transformed, we cannot hold anything back in our own lives — secret sins, past hurts, or running from an issue we have never been willing to face. Some counselors have left our ministry defeated because they were unable, or unwilling, to allow God to change [them].

All of us are broken in some way. If we’re allowing God to continue His painful work of change within us, if we are willing to admit we’re struggling, we can still help others change. If we deny we have problems, or hide our struggles, how can we tell others God can transform and change their lives? And so we have persevered in prayer until God showed Himself.

There are many accounts of God’s provision for the many needs of the ministry. I enjoyed hearing how it got its name: when they were pouring concrete for the children’s home, rain threatened, and volunteers who had come from out of state were limited in the time they could spend before having to return home, so they really needed to finish what they were doing. They stopped “to pray that God would not allow the rain to hinder pouring of the concrete. Soon after that prayer, the workers could see a solid sheet of heavy rain moving toward them, but they watched in astonishment as the thunderclouds parted right at the construction site at the top of the hill. The rain fell all around them, on both sides of the hill, then joined again at the base in force. The bottom of the hill was soaked, but there was only a light sprinkle at the top!” So the volunteers were able to keep working. When secretary Vera Wright heard of this answer to prayer, she said, “This is just like a miracle, isn’t it?” The “miracle on the hill” led to the entire ministry being named “Miracle Hill,” looking forward, I am sure, to the greater miracles they were trusting God to accomplish in lives.

I enjoyed this closer look into this ministry, and I hope many will read it and be stirred anew for what God can accomplish in and through people.

(This review will be linked to Semicolon’s Saturday Review of Books)

Odds and ends

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  • It was nice that the Fourth of July was on a Sunday this year: it made for a whole weekend of celebration. We went to the Cowpens big fireworks display on Saturday night, our church had a big cookout for everyone Sunday after church, we enjoyed Sunday afternoon naps as usual, went to Jason and Mittu’s house for personal fireworks Sunday evening, and then Jim had Monday off as well. I was pretty wiped out, though, Monday! We had one little mishap at Jason’s house when one of the fireworks tipped on its side and ignited some underbrush under a bush in a vacant lot, but that’s why Jim keeps a bucket of water on hand when we do fireworks.
  • I mentioned a few days ago some baby birds in a hanging plant on the patio. Whenever one of the parents comes to feed them, we hear the babies chirping away. This plant is right by the door to the sunroom, so I can’t open the door and watch the babies feeding without scaring away the parents. Monday night Jim was out on the patio watering the plants, and then from the kitchen window I could see him and Jesse bent over the patio like they were looking for something, but I couldn’t tell what. When they came in, Jim said that when he went to water that plant, though he was trying to be careful, he accidentally frightened the baby birds, who fluttered down to the patio. By the time he turned the water off, they were no longer right where they fell. So he and Jesse looked around trying to find them and put them back in the nest. Jesse said he had heard that parent birds would reject a baby that had been handled by a human: Jim said he had heard the opposite, but either way, they’d fare better back in the nest rather than wandering about where other animals could get to them when they couldn’t fly away yet. They found two of them: one had gotten all the way over to a neighbor’s bush. I don’t know how they found them — they’re pretty much the same color as the ground out there. I had only seen two birds when I looked, but Jim was sure he saw three fall, so he kept looking, and finally found the third one just inside our door. Then when we were eating dinner, he saw one of them back on the patio, so he went out and restored it to the nest again. The feeding and chirping has resumed, and all seems to be well again at #1 Hanging Plant Lane, at least for now. The babies aren’t far from being able to fly out on their own.
  • We finally told Grandma about moving. We had mentioned the possibility some time back, and her only concern was that we take her with us, which we assured her we would do. But she would forget in-between conversations and we’d have to go over it all again, so we decided to just wait until we got closer to moving and could tell her something definite. Jim wrote out for her what led to the decision to move and what was likely going to happen when so that she could have it with her to refer back to — plus she seems to comprehend written things better than spoken ones, anyway. He included some pictures of the place he found for her. She’s so secure in her own little spot and so rarely leaves it that we thought she might be apprehensive about moving, but we figured it couldn’t be nearly as much of a shake-up for her as it was to move here from Idaho. But she seems fine with the whole idea. Now her mind is running with things that need to be done, and every visit involves some conversation about all of that which I am sure we’ll discuss several times over before we actually move.
  • We have a contract on a house in TN, and now they’re doing home inspections, title searches, etc. There was one potential problem with an outbuilding that looked to us like it extended over into the neighbor’s property. but the sellers paid for a survey, and it is actually within our property lines though still a little too close to it. But Jim talked with the powers that be to make sure that would not be a problem in the future, and everything seems to be satisfactory. The outbuilding isn’t a plastic or metal shed — it’s built like a little house — so it wouldn’t be easy to move. We could tear it down if it was ever a problem — but we hope we won’t need to.

Here is a little glimpse inside the house — but I’ll wait to show more til everything is finalized.

One thing I love about this house is that it is all one level — no stairs anywhere!

  • I finally got Jesse registered for his new school and got back loads of information this morning about uniforms, supplies, finances, etc. My head is spinning. I glanced through all of it and passed the financial stuff off to Jim. I’ll have to deal with the other things later — but not too much later.
  • Jesse wants to have a last party with all his friends and classmates. I am not sure when we will work it in, but I told him to bring it up again this weekend when we’re all in one spot and can confer on the best time.

And I think that’s about it, for now, in the land of Stray Thoughts. There are other things developing which I can’t share quite yet, but that’s probably more than enough for one post, anyway.

Happy Wednesday!

Cliques? Really?

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I’ve mentioned before that I went to a middle school that was extremely cliquish, with set groups which didn’t interact much with each other or anyone new. It made it very hard for a new person to make friends unless someone in one of the groups noticed them and brought them in.

But sometimes I hear people who feel a little on the outside of things accuse other people of being cliquish, and that’s not always the case. It’s especially sad when people feel that way in church. I imagine, human nature being what it is, it’s possible there are some churches which do have cliques, and that’s abominable. But sometimes it’s just a matter of certain groups of people who know each other better just because they do things together. Unfortunately, when people do feel they’re in the outer fringes of a group, they tend to pull away more, making them even less a part of the group, making them feel even more like an outsider, and so the cycle goes.

But you can’t get closer to people that you don’t spend any time with. And you won’t feel part of the group if you rarely interact with the group.

Some years back our church had a little fellowship time between Sunday School and church with coffee and sometimes doughnuts or muffins. It was a chance to talk with people and to get up and mill around in between an hour or so of Sunday School and another hour or more of church time. Most people got up to move around a bit and stood and talked in smaller groups near where the coffee was served. There were also soft drink machines on that side of the room for those who preferred that to coffee. There was one couple — a middle-aged couple who had attended the church for years, so they weren’t new — who pretty much always sat off to themselves on the other side of the room. I don’t think anyone thought anything of it — if I had I probably would have thought they didn’t want anything to eat or drink or preferred to sit rather than stand or walk around. But some months later I heard they “didn’t feel a part of things.” I was astounded. I probably thought something like, “And whose fault is that?” To literally place oneself away from everyone else and not interact and then not feel a part of things! People did sit at their table during the Sunday School hour, so it’s not like no one ever interacted with them.

It is true that we tend to gravitate toward people we already know. Our church has regular fellowships during the summer after Wed. night services. When we go through the line to get our refreshments and then turn and look for a place to sit, it’s natural to look for friends to catch up with, especially since we pretty much see most of them only at church. And we should, at least some times, seek out new people or people we don’t know as well.

When my husband and I first came to our present church and would go to these fellowships, we somehow often ended up as one of the first people going through the line and finding an empty table. But then no one came to sit with us for a few weeks in a row. We could have sat there feeling sorry for ourselves, but instead, we began to hang back so we weren’t first in line, and then, as we looked for a place to sit, we’d find a table where a few people were seated and asked if we could join them. Introductions and small talk ensued and eventually spun off into relationships. Should someone have sought us out as the new people? Probably. But it would have made it worse if we hadn’t taken some initiative. It took me a good year to really feel a part of things there, but it wasn’t because people were exclusive and unwilling to be friendly. Some of those people had known each other for thirty years, and it just took time as a new person to develop relationships: I couldn’t expect to have the same intimacy within a few weeks as those who had known each other longer.

I would advise anyone who “doesn’t feel a part of things” to:

1. Go where the people are.

2. Don’t hold yourself aloof. Interact, even if you feel awkward at first.

3. Go to some functions that you might not be interested in for the fellowship if not the activity.

4. Talk to people! Don’t wait for them to come to you!

The Bible says that “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly” (Proverbs 18:24). Aloof people don’t have many friends. You may feel that you’re not aloof, you’re just shy, but it can come across the same way.

Reaching out to others is harder if you’re naturally shy and quiet. I was one of the shyest, most self-conscious people on the planet: I would almost panic if I was in a group and someone asked me a question, trying to draw me into the conversation. That is still my default mode: even now it is hard for me to raise my hand to answer a question in a Sunday School class or share a prayer request in prayer meeting. But I can testify that the Lord can give grace to overcome that natural tendency.

One thought that has helped me a lot over the years was shared by a former pastor’s wife during an officer’s meeting for a ladies’ group. She was encouraging the various officers to speak up as they gave their reports, because it did no one any good if they couldn’t hear what was said, and then she remarked, “Self-consciousness is consciousness of self, and we’re supposed to forget self.”

The more I am thinking about myself — the thought of people looking at me, wondering how they will receive me — the more I am likely to retreat into my own shell. But if I try to forget myself and focus on the other person, everything goes much better.

Every encounter or attempt to make conversation won’t be successful, but don’t let that deter you. “People skills” can be developed. But you have to exercise them to develop them.

The Week In Words

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Welcome to The Week In Words, where we share quotes from the last week’s reading. If something you read this past week  inspired you, caused you to laugh, cry, think, dream, or just resonated with you in some way, please share it with us, attributing it to its source, which can be a book, newspaper, blog, Facebook — anything that you read. More information is here.

Earlier this week, this post about enjoying each other’s gifts rather than feeling bad if we don’t measure up was on my mind — I’m not sure why. Actually, I was thinking about how I would adapt it for a talk, and I really don’t know why that came to mind, because it is not something I plan on doing! But just a few minutes later when I had devotions, I came across this very timely quote along the same lines on page 154 of Hoping for Something Better: Refusing to Settle for Life as Usual, a Bible study by Nancy Guthrie. This is in a section discussing Hebrews 12:1-2:

We’re not competing against each other: we’re encouraging each other. We’re competing against Satan, the world’s system, our own flesh. Let’s keep our focus on the race marked out for us, not on those around us.

As we each run our own race in the Christian life, we don’t need to measure ourselves by each other, either feeling proud when we do better or inferior or deflated or depressed if we don’t do something as well as someone else. The Bible tells us it is unwise to measure ourselves against each other in that way. We need to run the particular race God has set out for each of us, exercising the gifts He has given us to the best of our ability by His grace, and keep our focus on Him.

If you have some family-friendly quotes you’d like to share, please leave the link to your “Week In Words” post with Mr. Linky below.