Sexuality in Christian Fiction

Posted on August 19, 2010 by Barbara Harper

One of the issues that keeps many Christian people from reading a lot of modern fiction is the proliferation of explicit sexual scenes. Yet now I seem to be finding more sexuality in Christian fiction — not full-fledged descriptions, but more of a window into that activity than I really want to read and imagine.

It’s not that I and Christians in general don’t like sex. It was God’s idea, after all: He invented it not only for procreation but also for enjoyment, within the parameters for which He created it (within marriage, to one spouse, between a man and woman.) Enjoyed as He meant it, it is a wonderful expression of love and intimacy.

But as Quilly once so aptly put it, I don’t enjoy sex as a spectator sport. I think it is meant to be private.

I do understand that some Christian authors write sexual scenes to show show how a person could easily get into trouble sexually without meaning to. And I understand that some want to portray sexuality in a normal, healthy, marital way, reasoning that, 1) it is okay to do so since God created it, and 2) if all sexuality in literature is the “wrong” variety (illicit, adulterous, etc.), then that gives readers a warped view of what it is meant to be.

And Song of Solomon is in the Bible after all, as well as graphic verses like Proverbs 5:19. And I am glad they are: they helped immensely when, as a young wife, I had to change my mind set from thinking of sex as something I needed to avoid and resist as an unmarried woman to something I was now free to enjoy. I knew that intellectually, but there were times of going over these passages to assure myself that it really was ok now.

I don’t think I have seen anything as graphic as those passages in Christian fiction, but I have read some passages that made me feel uncomfortable in the sense of feeling aroused or feeling voyeuristic — and that’s not how I want to feel when reading! Especially Christian fiction!

My appeal to any author, Christian or secular, would be to remember the “less is more” principle. A hint in this area is usually better than a full-fledged description. Some of you may remember on the TV sitcom “Happy Days” that occasionally Mrs. Cunningham would head upstairs saying something about “feeling frisky,” and Mr. Cunningham would get a goofy grin on his face and rush upstairs after her. It was cute, it revealed they were happy in that area of their lives, and that was all we needed to know.

By contrast, in one Christian book I just finished, a couple’s wedding night was portrayed step-by-step until they actually got into bed, and though I would say it was tastefully done and not explicit, and it fit naturally into the story, I still didn’t want to be left with the mental image of a man undressing his wife even though in reality it is a normal and wholesome thing.

What do you think? Are you comfortable with the portrayal of Christian married couples as sexual beings in Christian fiction? Is it helpful to portray married Christian sexuality as normal, healthy, and fun? How much is too much? At what point do you close a book or avoid an author (or avoid recommending an author) because of sexual content?

The Week In Words

Posted on August 16, 2010 by Barbara Harper

Welcome to The Week In Words, where we share quotes from the last week’s reading. If something you read this past week inspired you, caused you to laugh, cry, think, dream, or just resonated with you in some way, please share it with us, attributing it to its source, which can be a book, newspaper, blog, Facebook — anything that you read. More information is here.

Just a further note — if you’ve posted a quote on your blog this past week, feel free to link it here as well. You don’t have to save it for Mondays. And please do read and comment even if you’re not posting quotes.

Here are a few that stood out to me this week:

On several friends’ Facebook statuses:

The happiest people don’t have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.

That speaks much to being content with such things as we have, as we’re instructed to be (Hebrews 13:5-6). It seems no matter how much we have, there is always a craving for more.

I saw this at Semicolon’s:

“It is not enough to simply teach children to read; we have to give them something worth reading. Something that will stretch their imaginations–something that will help them make sense of their own lives and encourage them to reach out toward people whose lives are quite different from their own.”~Katharine Paterson, U.S. National Ambassador for Young People’s Literature

I so agree with this! I am astounded when I hear parents or teachers say, “I don’t care what my kids are reading as long as they’re reading.” We don’t say the same about physical food: “I don’t care what my kids are eating, as long as they’re eating.” Why would we care less about what kids are putting into their brains? I am not talking about the extremes of censorship but rather teaching discernment and providing good books to read (for them and ourselves). There are so many good choices, we don’t need to read shoddy stuff just to have something to read.

Then in an article titled 10 Writing Tips at ChristianWritingToday.com (I got there via Semicolon’s link to 8 Writing Tips From C. S. Lewis on the same site) these first two were the ones that most stood out to me:

1. Write only when you have something to say. (Playwright David Hare).

2. The reader is a friend, not an adversary, not a spectator. (Jonathan Franzen)

That second one especially spoke to me: if writing is to be a means of communication rather than just self-expression, writers need to engage the reader, and then not be offended if a reader doesn’t “get” or like something, but rather look for ways to better communicate with the reader (though of course we all understand that we can’t please everybody. But pleasing and effectively communicating aren’t always the same thing.)

Then from an Elisabeth Elliot e-mail devotinal from her book A Lamp For My Feet concerning Romans 12:1-2:

The primary condition for learning what God wants of us is putting ourselves wholly at his disposal. It is just here that we are often blocked. We hold certain reservations about how far we are willing to go, what we will or will not do, how much God can have of us or of what we treasure. Then we pray for guidance. It will not work. We must begin by laying it all down–ourselves, our treasures, our destiny. Then we are in a position to think with renewed minds and act with a transformed nature. The withholding of any part of ourselves is the same as saying, “Thy will be done up to a point, mine from there on.”

That is the sticking point, isn’t it? I want God’s perfect will in my life…unless it means that.

From the same source comes this quote:

If God is almighty, there can be no evil so great as to be beyond his power to transform. That transforming power brings light out of darkness, joy out of sorrow, gain out of loss, life out of death.

Sometimes we boggle at the evil in the world and especially in ourselves, feeling that this sin, this tragedy, this offense cannot possibly fit into a pattern for good. Let us remember Joseph’s imprisonment, David’s sin, Paul’s violent persecution of Christians, Peter’s denial of his Master. None of it was beyond the power of grace to redeem and turn into something productive. The God who establishes the shoreline for the sea also decides the limits of the great mystery which is evil. He is “the Blessed Controller of all things.” God will finally be God, Satan’s best efforts notwithstanding.

We tend to want bad things prevented rather than transformed. That day will come, but it is not now. A friend once said she realized that if God were to wipe out all the evil in the world, He would have to wipe out all of us, for we all sin. I am thankful He transforms us rather than just doing away with us, and and we can trust Him to limit what He allows of evil and trust Him to somehow work it together for good (Romans 8:28) until the day when it is taken out of the way completely.

If you have some family-friendly quotes you’d like to share, please leave the link to your “Week In Words” post (not just to your general blog) with Mr. Linky below. Of course, it is fine to just leave a quote in the comments section if you’d rather. I hope you’ll visit some of the other participants, too: this is a small enough meme so far that it is not hard to visit around with others who love to glean quotes from their reading as well.

The Week In Words Participants

1. bekahcubed

2. Susan

3. Jerrie

(Mr. Linky is closed for this post: Please see the current Week In Words post to put your new quotes in.)

“David encouraged himself in the LORD his God”

Posted on August 11, 2010 by Barbara Harper

This is a sentence that has intrigued me often, and I have been mulling over it from time to time for several weeks. That might have something to do with the fact that we’ve moved away from our two oldest sons, and though we keep in touch, it is not the same as hearing what goes on in their everyday lives and helping them put life into perspective or quietly praying when the time isn’t right for motherly advice. I want them to continue developing this habit and skill of encouraging themselves in the Lord.

As Christians we are supposed to encourage each other, but sometimes there is no one at hand to talk to, or sometimes another person doesn’t really understand, or even if they do understand and do try to help, it’s ineffectual if we do not take their wisdom and encouragement in for ourselves.

The passage that this verse comes from is I Samuel 30. David had been anointed king earlier, but he was not the acting king yet: in fact, he was in hiding from King Saul, who wanted to kill him. While David and his men had been away from their camp, Amalekites had swept in, burned everything, and taken the women and children captive. David’s men spoke of stoning him out of their distress over their families. And at that point, “David encouraged himself in the LORD his God” (verse 6b).

How did David encourage himself? Verse 7 says he asked the priest for the ephod and inquired of the Lord what to do.

We don’t have ephods these days — though sometimes that seems like it would be nice when we need a direct answer as to what to do next! But we have the whole word of God and the continually indwelling Holy Spirit if we’re Christians. One of the many reasons it is so important to read and hear the Word of God regularly is that, as we take it in, we get to know our God and His character better, and the Holy Spirit can then bring back to our minds the truths we’ve learned (John 14:26).

David wrote in Psalm 63 in an earlier situation (I Samuel 23:14, according to the reference notes in my Bible), “My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips: When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches. Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice” (verses 5-7). All through his life you find him inquiring of the Lord or going back to what he knew of God’s character and His word. Near the end of his life he passed this same encouragement on to his son, Solomon: in I Chronicles 28:9 he told him, “And thou, Solomon my son, know thou the God of thy father, and serve him with a perfect heart and with a willing mind: for the LORD searcheth all hearts, and understandeth all the imaginations of the thoughts: if thou seek him, he will be found of thee; but if thou forsake him, he will cast thee off for ever,” and verse 20, “Be strong and of good courage, and do it: fear not, nor be dismayed: for the LORD God, even my God, will be with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee, until thou hast finished all the work for the service of the house of the LORD.”

May we all encourage ourselves in the Lord throughout our lives.

The Week In Words

Posted on August 9, 2010 by Barbara Harper

Here are some quotes that spoke to me this week:

From the Elisabeth Elliot e-mail devotionals, this taken from her book A Lamp For My Feet:

How can this person who so annoys or offends me be God’s messenger? Is God so unkind as to send that sort across my path? Insofar as his treatment of me requires more kindness than I can find in my own heart, demands love of a quality I do not possess, asks of me patience which only the Spirit of God can produce in me, he is God’s messenger. God sends him in order that he may send me running to God for help.

Sometimes the very circumstance in our lives that we’re chafing against is the one God is using to work something necessary into our hearts and characters that we would not learn or develop any other way.

That goes along with something I read at Washing the Feet of the Saints:

In a recent conversation with a delightful young friend, we considered what it means to die to self, particularly in the ordinary tasks of every day life, and to live sacrificially in our home and community to the glory of Christ.

The “dying” this young lady referenced was a simple household chore that had nothing to do with family/elderly caregiving, but it’s application was obvious. My friend lamented that it should be easier to put her desires and contentment aside for the benefit of other. “But then it wouldn’t be dying,” I countered.

That last line really hit me between the eyes. Thanks, Patricia, for that perspective.

From the August 4 reading from Our Daily Walk by F. B. Meyer:

The best way of increasing our knowledge of God s infinite nature, is by the reverent study of His Word. It is a flimsy religion which discounts doctrine. What the bones are to the body, doctrine is to our moral and spiritual life. What law is to the material universe, doctrine is to the spiritual.

This reminded me of some of the truths I wrote a few years ago about the importance of learning doctrine when we read the Bible rather than just looking for warm fuzzies. The warm fuzzies fly away like dandelion seeds if they are not based on the bedrock of doctrine that we can rely on no matter what the circumstances are.

Then from today’s reading of Meyer’s devotionals:

From Act 7:2-5, we learn that the Call to Abram to go forth, which originally came in Ur of the Chaldees, was repeated in Haran, after his father’s death. Probably Terah delayed his son’s obedience. Let us help our children to realize God’s call, even though we be left lonely on the other side of the river.

This was particularly potent as we just moved away from our oldest two sons and daughter-in-law and are experiencing those pangs of realization in everyday life of their absence. I have read more than one missionary biography in which a well-meaning Christian mother who was active in missionary support balked and resisted when it came to her son or daughter going to the mission field. I do not know if any of mine are called to the mission field yet, but I do not want to stand in the way of any of them doing whatever God’s will is for their lives out of a desire to keep them close to me.

(Mr. Linky is now closed for this post. Please see the newest Week In Words post to add links.)

The Week In Words Participants

1. bekahcubed

2. e-Mom @ Chrysalis

The Week In Words

Posted on August 2, 2010 by Barbara Harper

Here are a few I’ve read in various places:

Seen on Diane‘s Facebook status:

“I think sometimes a lot of the wear and tear on our lives is from fighting the circumstances that God has allowed to come into our lives.” Nancy Leigh DeMoss

I think that is probably true. It’s not usually surrender that’s the problem as much as the struggle against surrender.

Also seen at Diane‘s:

“It takes grace to give grace, takes hope to give hope, takes love to give love. I can give these to you because Christ gave them to me.”-Paul David Tripp

I can only minister to others what I have received from Christ.

Seen at girltalk:

When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now.

Insofar as I learn to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving towards the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest at all.

When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased.  ~ C. S. Lewis, Letters of C.S. Lewis (8 November, 1952)

So true!

And I am so thankful for this truth expressed in the Heidelberg Catechism (which I had not heard of before) shared by Chris Anderson at My Two Cents:

Question 60: How are thou righteous before God?

Answer: Only by a true faith in Jesus Christ; so that though my conscience accuse me, that I have grossly transgressed all the commandments of God, and kept none of them, and am still inclined to all evil; notwithstanding, God, without any merit of mine, but only of mere grace, grants and imputes to me, the perfect satisfaction, righteousness and holiness of Christ; even so, as if I never had had, nor committed any sin: yea, as if I had fully accomplished all that obedience which Christ has accomplished for me; inasmuch as I embrace such benefit with a believing heart.

Special note for next week: we’re moving this week, and I am not sure when we will have Internet access and when my desktop PC will be set up and ready to use. If I can set up The Week In Words next Monday, I will, but if you don’t see it here, that means I wasn’t able to, and you can hang on to those quotes for the following Monday.

If you have some family-friendly quotes you’d like to share, please leave the link to your “Week In Words” post with Mr. Linky below. I hope you’ll visit some of the other participants as well: this is a small enough meme so far that it is not hard to visit around with others who love to glean quotes from their reading as well.

Laudable Linkage and Which Famous Author Do You Write Like?

Posted on July 31, 2010 by Barbara Harper

Here are a few great posts seen ’round the web lately:

7 Things I Should Have Taught My Sons, HT to Lori. With a couple of them leaving the nest, I know I am going to think of such things, too.

Just Do Something, HT to Sharper Iron, on the subject of making a difference at church. Some ideas listed: “Give people the benefit of the doubt. Say ‘hi’ to the teen-ager no one notices. Welcome the old ladies with the blue hair and the young men with tattoos.”

The Secret to a Husband’s Love, Happy Marriage, HT to Lizzie.

Peanut Butter Sandwich Cookies. Mmmmmm…

I have seen this site mentioned in several places: I Write Like, where you insert text of something you’ve written and it supposedly analyzes what author your writing is similar to. So I tried a few of my old posts.

When I tried The Storm and the Rainbow I got:

I write like
William Shakespeare

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Umm — I think I’m a far cry from The Bard!

When I tried Cakes Are My Culinary Waterloo I got:

I write like
Chuck Palahniuk

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

…whom I had never heard of.

When I tried Encouragement For Mothers of Young Children, I got:

I write like
Oscar Wilde

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

So either I am a very versatile writer, or…the system needs tweaking. Probably the latter. 🙂 But it is fun to play with.

Flashback Friday: Early Religious Experiences

Posted on July 30, 2010 by Barbara Harper

Mocha With Linda hosts a weekly meme called Flashback Friday. She’ll post a question every Thursday, and then Friday we can link our answers up on her site.

The question for this week is:

Did your family attend church when you were growing up? What are your earliest memories of church? Did you attend VBS (Vacation Bible School) when you were young? Sunday School? Other church activities? Was faith a Sunday-only thing or did it impact your life and the things you did? If faith and church were not a part of your growing-up years, when and how did you begin and what drew you to God?

I did not grow up in a Christian home. My father never went to church then, and my mother only occasionally did. My mother’s sister and father attended a Lutheran church, and my parents let me attend with them. I do remember learning basic truths and Bible stories and learning in a general way that Jesus Christ died for my sins, but how to actually believe in a way to know that one was a Christian was kind of nebulous idea of having faith of some kind. I don’t remember it ever being brought to a personal level that I as an individual needed to repent of my own sins and trust Christ as my own Savior.

I do remember enjoying Sunday School and VBS. I enjoyed the crafts, singing, activities, Bible stories, and cookies and Kool-aid. 🙂 I only have a few specific memories: one was a craft we made that involved putting one glass upside down over another one with flowers inside and gluing it. I thought it was so pretty and gave it to my grandmother. I do remember gluing macaroni to a box and spray-painting it gold, but I don’t remember if that was VBS or Girl Scouts (what was the deal with macaroni crafts back then?!) I remember hearing in Sunday School teaching on the verse “Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?” (Matthew 6: 24-26) and thinking at the time that that was ridiculous. Money problems were frequent at our house, and I thought, how could you not worry about it? I had a lot to learn about faith, and these verses became precious to me in college years and beyond. I also remember feeling bad one time that I had nothing to put in the offering, so I drew or wrote something on a piece of paper — I can’t remember if it was a drawing of money or an IOU of some sort — and put it in when the offering plate was passed. But my cousin’s grandmother — the one on the other side of her family through which we were not related — was a very well-to-do and proper lady and took my piece of paper out. That made me so sad, that I had given the only thing I could, and it wasn’t deemed acceptable. As an adult looking back, I think the ushers would probably have gotten a kick out of finding that in the offering.

When I was in about the third grade, my best friend at the time invited me to revival services at her Baptist church. My parents did not let me go to every religious event I was invited to (thankfully!), but my dad’s folks were Baptist on one side and Methodist on the other, and my mom’s, as I mentioned, were Lutheran, so they usually let me go to those churches if asked. On the second or third night I attended, the pastor was talking about being “saved.” My friend and another of her friends urged me to go forward at the invitation at the end of the service, so I did, but in later years I couldn’t remember what was said or prayed or who I even talked to.

So I struggled for many years with exactly where I stood with the Lord, and it wasn’t really settled until I was about 17. I’ve told this in more detail in my testimony. Then I still struggled with assurance for many years, but I am happy to say I am at rest in Him now.

As far as faith impacting daily life, my parents had something of a “God-fearing” upbringing, and though neither of them wanted to bring their lives under God’s influence and authority at that time, they wanted their children to be taught about Him and to “do right” (my dad did come to salvation later in his 60s: I have told his story here. Though my mom did not make a clear and open profession, I have reason to hope she believed as well, as I discussed here.) My dad’s two biggest issues were respect and obedience, and I think that and what religious training I did have gave me a good foundation and prepared me for learning more later on. I did have kind of an awe and respect and a childish affection for the Lord, but without a lot of discernment: if anyone from mentioned God, I thought that was so neat, not realizing that not everyone who talks about Him knows Him. I am so glad God protected me from cultist influences when I was vulnerable and naive enough to probably have been taken in by them.

I had thought my mother’s family has always been Lutheran, but a few years ago my aunt told me that her father, my grandfather, had been raised by an uncle who was a “circuit-riding preacher” (like Sheffey, for those familiar with him), and my grandfather had helped him in some of his campaigns when he was a boy. That was neat to learn about. I hadn’t thought I had ancestors who prayed for me beyond my own grandparents, so it’s neat to think that maybe even further back there were relatives who knew the Lord and prayed for their descendants. It will be nice to meet them in heaven!

The Week In Words

Posted on July 26, 2010 by Barbara Harper

Here are a few I’ve read in various places:

From Elisabeth Elliot’s e-mail devotional, this one taken from a chapter titled “The Fear of Loss” in A Lamp For My Feet:

But to grasp [God’s blessings] selfishly and greedily, to hang onto them fiercely and allow myself to be enslaved by the fear of losing them, is to deny Christ. Do not fear, He says to us. I am with you.

I have to say, I have struggled with that — feeling the need to grasp fiercely some of God’s blessings for fear of losing them instead of trusting Him to give, to allow me to have as long as He sees fit and take away as He deems necessary. How much more restful it is just to trust Him.

Seen at girltalk:

“[Feminism] is mixed up with a muddled idea that women are free when they serve their employers but slaves when they help their husbands.” “. –G.K. Chesterton, The Collected Works of G.K. Chesterton, vol. 4, p. 440.

Also seen at girltalk:

“Marriage is a vocation. It is a task to which you are called. If it is a task, it means you work at it. It is not something which happens. You hear the call, you answer, you accept the task, you enter into it willingly and eagerly, you commit yourself to its disciplines and responsibilities and limitations and privileges and joys. You concentrate on it, giving yourself to it day after day in a lifelong Yes.” –Elisabeth Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman, p. 102

Seen on David McGuire‘s Facebook status:

Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it. ~ Raymond Chandler

From today’s reading in Our Daily Walk by F. B. Meyer commenting on the verse “Exercise thyself unto godliness” (I. Timothy 4:7):

Probably the trials and temptations of life are intended to give us that inward training which shall bring our spiritual muscles into play. In each of us there is much unused force; many moral and spiritual faculties, which would never be used, if it were not for the wrestling which we are compelled to take up with principalities and powers, with difficulty and sorrow.

The Week In Words Participants

1. bekahcubed

2. e-Mom @ Chrysalis

(Mr. Linky is closed for this week. Please see current Week In Words to add new links.)

The Praise Song

Posted on July 25, 2010 by Barbara Harper

We sang this song in church this morning, and it brought back memories of a ladies’ trio singing it at the church we attended in GA. Though it is very simple, it echoes the Psalms both in its tone and some of its phrases.

The Praise Song

I will sing to the Lord with a praise song,
For the Savior heard my cry;
He delivered me out of the miry clay
And set my feet on a rock.

I will praise You, Lord, I will praise You, Lord;
I will praise You all my days.
I will praise You, Lord, I will praise You, Lord;
Please accept my song of praise.

Bless the Lord, O my soul, sing a new song,
Jesus tore the bars away.
Yes, He conquered each foe with His mighty power,
And changed my night into day

I will praise You, Lord, I will praise You, Lord;
I will praise You all my days.
I will praise You, Lord, I will praise You, Lord;
Please accept my song of praise.

~ Ron Hamilton

You can hear most of it sung by Ron here — scroll down to the song title. This CD is from a Patch the Pirate recording.

The last time I posted a song by Ron Hamilton, some of you mentioned not knowing him. The short story is that he was in school a few years ahead of me and often sang in university productions. When he lost an eye to cancer and received an eye patch, some of the kids in his church began calling him “Patch the Pirate” —and a ministry was born. He founded Majesty Music (with his father-in-law, Dr. Frank Garlock, I believe) and began producing tapes of songs and stories for children as well as general Christian music. I found this this testimony of his life online:

Laudable Linkage and a Cat-English Dictionary

Posted on July 24, 2010 by Barbara Harper

I’ve been having a hard time deciding whether to post interesting links or funny things on Saturday — so I am combining them. 🙂

Here are a few things that caught my eye this week:

Dangers Facing Over-Churched Kids and 9 Strategies For Reaching Over-Churched Kids, HT to Challies. I don’t know that “over-churched” is the right term, and I don’t think keeping them from so much church is the answer, but I do agree that they need to see the reality of a walk with Christ and not just get absorbed into the Christian “culture” with little or no real faith of their own.

Gospel Balm for a Control Freak Like Me, HT to Diane.

These hydrangea cupcakes are So. Cute! HT to Lizzie.

No Knead Refrigerator Rolls look like my kind of bread. I may give them a try some time.

Then, I was cleaning out some files on an old computer that we’re going to get rid of, and found this that my oldest son sent me ages ago. I am not a cat person, but I still think these are funny:

Cat-English Dictionary
(courtesy of SillyDude.com)

miaow = Feed me.

meeow = Pet me.

mrooww = I love you.

miioo-oo-oo = I am in love and must meet my betrothed outside beneath the hedge. Don’t wait up

mrow = I feel like making noise

rrrow-mawww = Please, the time has come to tidy the cat box.

rrrow-miawww = I have remedied the cat box untidiness by shoveling the contents as far out of the box as was practical.

miaowmiaow = Play with me.

miaowmioaw = Have you noticed the shortage of available cat toys in this room?

mioawmioaw = Since I can find nothing better to play with, I shall see what happens when I sharpen my claws on this handy piece of furniture.

raowwwww = I think I shall now spend time licking the most private parts of my anatomy

mrowwwww = I am now recalling, with sorrow, that some of my private parts did not return with me from that visit to the vet.

roww-maww-roww = I am so glad to see that you have returned home with both arms full of groceries. I will now rub myself against your legs and attempt to trip you as you walk towards the kitchen.

mmeww = I believe I have heard a burglar. If you would like to go and beat him senseless, I shall be happy to keep your spot in the bed warm.

gakk-ak-ak = My digestive passages seem to have formed a hairball. Wherever could this have come from? I shall leave it here upon the carpeting.

mow = Snuggling is a good idea.

moww = Shedding is pretty good, too.

mowww! = I was enjoying snuggling and shedding in the warm clean laundry until you removed me so unkindly.

miaow! miaow! = I have discovered that, although one may be able to wedge his body through the gap behind the stove and into that little drawer filled with pots and pans, the reverse path is slightly more difficult to navigate

mraakk! = Oh, small bird! Please come over here.

ssssroww! = I believe that I have found a woodchuck. I shall now act terribly brave

mmmmmmm = If I sit in the sunshine for another week or so, I think I shall be satisfied.