Wordless Wednesday

Forgive me for not being wordless this Wednesday, but I felt a little explanation was in order or people would wonder why this picture was here. 🙂

When I pulled up in the driveway a couple of weeks ago, I saw this vine peeking around the corner of the house:

Hello....

It just struck me funny. It’s a morning glory vine that had been taking over objects in its path along the back of the house, and when it started to turn the corner, it seemed like it was looking for more objects to consume. A few days ago my husband did cut it back and freed the shovel and rake from its tendrils. But it might be back, ever seeking….don’t stand still too long near it. 🙂

More actually Wordless Wednesdays can be found at 5 Minutes for Mom and the Wordless Wednesday hub.

Does niceness really matter?

As the “Nice Matters” awards have been going around, I’ve seen a little bit of negativity toward them.

Who, you might ask, would have any problem with recognizing niceness? When would niceness ever be a problem?

Well, it would be a problem if we disregarded error, cut corners on the truth, never confronted a sister in Christ who had gone astray, all under the auspices of being “nice.” When the Old Testament prophets thundered against sin in the land, they would not have been regarded as “nice.” Neither would Christ in some passages: I think if some folks took a red letter edition of the Bible and read the words of Jesus, they would be surprised to find that their image of Him is something different from what He really was. When a mother fails to deal with her child when he disobeys, she is not being nice: the Bible says she is foolish. It is actually more loving to do what seems to be the hard thing in these situations mentioned.

However….

If you look up “nice” in the dictionary, you find synonyms such as “pleasant, kind, agreeable, delightful, refined, virtuous, respectable, suitable, proper.”

When it comes to everyday life and the disposition of Christians, I think these characteristics should be true of us. Yes, there are times when to stand up for truth is necessary and right and pleasing to God though not seen as “nice” by the world. But I have known some Christians whose chief characteristic and mission is pointing out error who have developed kind of a cynical, negative, gripy, sometimes harsh edge. I was at a Christian school basketball game once when two men behind me were commenting on a new trend amongst schools in our league of wearing two different colored socks, usually in the team colors. They were wearing them to the knee, and personally, the look didn’t appeal to me, especially on guys, but I could imagine that they thought of it as quirky, different, fun. But the men behind me saw it as a nefarious breaking of fashion rules and sense and spoke of it in the same tone as if the guys had been wearing miniskirts. I thought, “Good grief. Do we have to read ulterior motives into everything?” It took a lot of restraint not to turn around and say that.

So much of the Christian life comes back to balance. Yes, there are some doctrines and truths that there is just no room for error on, and as Christians tend to follow the world, that truth needs to be defended. I am thankful for “Christian watchdogs,” who often have a keener sense of discernment than others, who can see the errors underpinning a trend or movement and point them out to those who didn’t catch the problem. But there is no need to “bark” at everything. There are some areas that don’t involve the fundamentals of the faith where we can give people the benefit of the doubt and even allow for different opinions from our own without breaking fellowship or compromising truth.

And when it comes to everyday life and our disposition and interaction with others, I think being “pleasant, kind, agreeable, delightful, refined, virtuous, respectable, suitable, proper” — nice — certainly enhances the life of Christ we’re supposed to be living out much more than the opposite of those traits would.

Though the word “nice” isn’t in any of several Bible versions I checked, one of its synonyms, “kind,” is:

Ephesians 4:32: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

Colossians 3: 12-13: Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

II Peter 1:5-7: And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.

Romans 12:10: Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.

And kindness is one of God’s characteristics:

Nehemiah 9:17b: Thou art a God ready to pardon, gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness.

Time Travel Tuesday: Yesterday

My Life as Annie‘s weekly Time Travel Tuesday takes us this time to…yesterday! That shouldn’t be too hard on the ol’ memory banks. 🙂

We don’t really “celebrate” Labor Day per se beyond just enjoying the day off. My college student, however, did not have the day off. I told him the night before to be sure and set his alarm, because I couldn’t guarantee when I’d be up. I went ahead and set mine for 6:20, and he was already up and in the shower (yay!), but I decided to get up anyway and see him off. I got to sleep in an hour longer than usual, though, so that was nice.

I went downstairs and had devotions, then breakfasted while reading blogs. I took a break for a bit and was pondering whether to begin a post I was thinking about or wait until later when — the power blinked off. We don’t know what happened (it may be in this morning’s paper, but I haven’t looked yet), but we did read later on the power company’s web site that over 800 people were without power. Ours was off for about 5 hours.

I hadn’t taken my shower yet, though, and our bathroom has no windows or outside lighting at all. Jeremy said, “Well, as long as you can find the soap, you don’t really need light to see what you’re doing.” True, but it’s a little disorienting to try to take a shower without light, plus my balance problem is worse when I can’t see well. I remembered we had a little battery-operated camp lantern in a closet, so I got that just as Jim remembered a little battery-operated push-button light in anther closet. He put that one up over the shower and I put the lantern on the counter, and it was a very workable arrangement.

After it was already too late I remembered I wouldn’t be able to curl my hair and I probably shouldn’t have washed it. My hair doesn’t really curl, but it’s very fly-away and messy-looking when it dries and I usually curl it just under enough to make it look a little more put-together. But I had already washed it, so I put some mousse on it: that helped a little, though it makes my hair look dark.

My original plan for the day had been to start on the family room curtains I’ve been wanting/needing to make. But…there was no power for the sewing machine. I did get the pattern out and read through the instructions to get some idea of where I’d be going. One problem I have with many projects is the multiple decisions that have to be made. I had already agonized over pattern and fabric choice and still wasn’t decided about whether to go to a town 40 minutes away to look for trim (after not finding any here) or to just skip it, when reading through the pattern presented a new wrinkle: it’s a quick-sew pattern and recommended fusible bonding for several of the steps. But the fabric is dry clean only, and I had read something a while back about some men’s dress shirts getting messed up after being taken to the dry cleaners because they had fusible bonding in the seams, and it left a discolored line when it was dry cleaned. I think I will probably sew everything rather than fusing it just to be safe.

We went out for lunch to the food court at the mall. I have a few favorite things there and had my taste buds all set for a ham sandwich from one shop, only to discover the shop had closed! I was so dismayed. I wasn’t in the mood for the teriyaki chicken from the Japanese place that I often get, so I decided on S’barro’s. Honestly I think their pizza looks a lot better than it tastes, usually, but this time I got something like a pizza pie — it had two layers of crust with pepperoni and sausage inside and bacon on the top. It was really good. Jesse got a slice of cheese pizza at S’barro’s; Jeremy got a Cool Wrap at Chick-Fil-A, and Jim got the teriyaki chicken. We had hit the mall at just the right time — scores of teens came in and lined up at several of the eateries just after we started eating. We thought maybe it was just people off for the day hitting the mall, but we saw several similar t-shirts and decided maybe it was a group of some kind traveling. Sure enough, when we left, we saw a couple of buses, but they were marked, so I don’t know what kind of group they were or where they were headed.

So we headed for home — and the power still was off. We don’t realize how much of what we do depends on electricity until we’re without it! I got out a new book on my reading list, The Princess Bride, curled up on the couch in front of a window to get enough light, and read for the better part of the afternoon dozing off just a little here and there. Not a bad way to spend an afternoon off. 🙂

The power came back on around 3, so I hit the computer for a while.

Jim grilled hamburgers and chicken for dinner. Luscious!

After dinner Jeremy and Jesse played Starships of Cataan and I put some laundry in and read my book a little more. We all watched a rerun of “Heroes” (can’t wait til the new episodes start!)

So it was a pretty laid-back and enjoyable day, even with the power being off. I’m glad it came back on before evening.

Psalm Sunday: Psalm 43

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My apologies for this being late. We had company yesterday and our power was off several hours today.

Join us for Psalms Sundays by clicking the button or visiting Erica at Butterfly Kisses.

1 Judge me, O God, and plead my cause against an ungodly nation: O deliver me from the deceitful and unjust man.

2 For thou art the God of my strength: why dost thou cast me off? why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?

3 O send out thy light and thy truth: let them lead me; let them bring me unto thy holy hill, and to thy tabernacles.

4 Then will I go unto the altar of God, unto God my exceeding joy: yea, upon the harp will I praise thee, O God my God.

5 Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.

The subject matter and progression of this Psalm is pretty straightforward. The Psalmist cries out to the God of his strength for deliverance and exercises faith that God will answer him.

There are a few phrases that stand out to me. One is in verse 4, where he says he will go to “God, my exceeding joy.” I don’t know if the Psalmist here is David, but this echoes David’s being a man after God’s own heart. His passion for God makes mine look so paltry. Though I love God and look to Him for protection and provision and grace and strength and everything else that is needed, times when I have thought of Him in that way have been few, the highlights of life rather than and everyday occurrence. I pray that will change.

Verse 3 also stands out: O send out thy light and thy truth: let them lead me. How easily we can be led astray, especially in times of need, and how greatly we need His light and truth.

And then verse 5 repeats similar thoughts from Psalm 42. That word “disquieted” really captures how we feel when something is amiss in our world. Dr. Jim Berg titled his series dealing with guilt, anxiety, anger and despair Quieting a Noisy Soul with this same idea in mind: a heart that is not at rest in the Lord is “noisy,” disquieted. This led me to look up other verses about quietness of spirit:

Isaiah 30:15: For thus saith the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength: and ye would not.

Isaiah 32:17: And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever.

Psalm 131: 1-2: Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor mine eyes lofty: neither do I exercise myself in great matters, or in things too high for me. Surely I have behaved and quieted myself, as a child that is weaned of his mother: my soul is even as a weaned child.

Psalm 107: 28-30: Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble, and he bringeth them out of their distresses. He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still. Then are they glad because they be quiet; so he bringeth them unto their desired haven.

Psalm 1:33: But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil.

I Peter 3:4: But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

This “quietness” isn’t something mystical: it is the state of the soul at rest in God, fully confident that He can and will take full care of us and whatever problems might enter our lives.

Book Review: Sometimes I Prefer to Fuss

It may look like book week for a few days here at Stray Thoughts. 🙂 I’ve finished three books in the last couple of weeks, but haven’t had time it discuss them yet.

Some years ago I read and enjoyed a book titled Sometimes I Prefer to Fuss by Verda Peet. When I tried to find a copy of it, though, I found it was out of print. I’ve kept an eye out for it ever since, and just recently discovered it in Amazon.com’s used books for just a few dollars.

The premise of the book can be found in the introduction:

The idea that missionaries are haloed saints, mature and perfected, above the sins of most mortals and so not needing much prayer, has done great disservice to the missionary cause. If you ever lived with missionaries you would know that their halos are askew. If I were to say that a missionary preaches the gospel, may (if female) put curlers in her hair, likes ice cream, travels a lot, longs for letters from home, can be thoughtless or domineering or depressed, perspires, has cakes that don’t always rise, never gets beyond the need of the Lord’s teaching, is concerned about her children’s upbringing and education and feels irritable in the heat, your first thought would be, “Sounds like a description of me.”

Exactly. James tells us Elijah was a man of like passions but we have trouble believing it. Our glamorization of missionaries blinds us to the need of down-to-earth prayer for down-to-earth details.

The title comes from the fact that God does send help when needed, even for “small” irritations like excessive heat and perspiration, and sticky clothes — but sometimes we prefer to “fuss” instead.

Mrs. Peet and her husband were missionaries in Thailand for about thirty years. Her book is an honest and often funny look at missionary life, but its lessons of faith are applicable to anyone.

There are so many places I marked in the book — I wish I could share them all. One thing that came up often was the need for wisdom in so many areas and the possibility of misunderstandings. For instance, even the simplest living arrangements of Americans can seem extravagant in jungle or tribal areas. One missionary who wanted to live as much like the people as possible did without a refrigerator, then overheard two of the nationals commenting that she did not get one because she was stingy. Another family who saved some of their best “goodies” from home to serve a visiting VIP heard that he later spread the word that the missionaries “lived too well.” So often they would like to just give the people material things they need, and they often do, but they don’t want to foster dependence on the missionary instead of the Lord.

Satan throws innumerable obstacles to keep people from believing or to stifle them when they do believe. The missionaries have to learn patience with a new believer’s struggling to “walk” in a faith totally foreign to anything he knows — just as a child stumbles and falls, so will a new believer until he matures. Practices that seem obviously wrong to Westerners with a heritage of a Judeo-Christian background, like premarital sex and using and selling opium, can take a while for a new believer from a different background to recognize as wrong. Then a new believer, or even one just showing an interest in Christianity, can face ridicule, ostracism, and persecution. There are thorny questions about what old practices are wrong, what a new believer should do when the demon priest declares an area or a day “taboo.” The consequences of violating a taboo are very real, but the believers can eventually learn to trust in God for protection.

With all the disappointment and heartache of those who “trusted” the Lord for the wrong reasons (like healing from a sickness when the demon rituals didn’t help) or those who did believe but fell away due to family pressure, there are also gems who have endured the refining fires to shine like diamonds. One believing lady, Celia, had a husband who was a professing Christian but not living very actively for the Lord. One day he showed up in their home with a second wife and moved her in, a common practice in their culture, but one that he should have known better than to practice as a believer. As a missionary lady came to comfort and encourage her through the Word, Celia said, “I thought I could never cook for her (the second wife) but I remembered “love your enemies,” and because of these words I overcame, and I cook and call her to eat.” I was convicted at my lack of “overcoming” minor trials by comparison.

Another quote that stood out to me was, “The trial of our faith is not to point out how faulty it is but to prove how trustworthy He is. I had always pictured God testing me to show how little I believed, but He has a more positive purpose — to increase my capacity to enjoy His faithfulness.”

Another “lesson” was to trust the sovereignty of God to work even through fallible leaders. There was an elected field council as well as a superintendent who were good men, but human like everyone else, whose temperament, background, training, quirks, and pet theories may effect their decisions. When they make a decisions that seems wrong or unfair, there is temptation to blame them. “If we see ourselves in the hands of men, we can expect to be miserable, but if we know ourselves to be in God’s hands, subject to His decisions, we can go on in peace.”

There is so much more — grace through trials and how the Lord uses them, dealing with fear, care of children, etc. This book is a good “peek” into the under-the-surface, real everyday lives of missionaries, but it is also an example of how the Lord uses “all things” to work together for good and to grow His children in grace and knowledge of Him.

Book Review: The Potluck Club Takes the Cake

The Potluck Club Takes the Cake by Linda Evans Shepherd and Eva Marie Everson is the third in a series about a group of friends from a church who started several years ago getting together for prayer and a potluck meal.

The characters and their storylines were established in the earlier two books. There’s Evie, or Evangeline, long-time church and town member, founder and acknowledged unofficial head of the Potluck Club. She’d dating her “old flame” from high school days, Vern, the sheriff, who is also the father of Donna, another member of the Potluck Club. Donna, unbeknownst to others, is not a believer and has several issues to work through — the abandonment of her mother, the abortion of a child years earlier that she still hasn’t gotten over, her father’s dating of Evie, attention from several males when she wants to be left alone, and her work as her father’s deputy. Vonnie is an older lady who is very close to Donna. Her son was taken away when he was born, and her mother told her the baby had died, all because she was prejudiced against the heritage of the baby’s dead father. In a previous book Vonnie was shocked to discover her baby was very much alive and grown and wanted to meet her. Vonnie’s husband was even more shocked — he hadn’t known that Vonnie was married before. Lizzie is just settling into the quiet serenity of an almost empty nest when one son’s family problems cause him to move back home, later bringing his wife and child with him. Then her brother has a crisis in his family, necessitating that Lizzie step in to provide care for her elderly mother. Goldie’s husband has been unfaithful for years and she finally calls him on it, moving out of the house. He begins counseling with the pastor and Goldie has to decide whether he is sincere and what she should do. And then there is Lisa Leann, newcomer, transplant from Texas, general busybody, on an all-out and obvious campaign to wrest the leadership of the group from Evie. And Clay is a local reporter who is interested in Donna and who speculates what the Potluck Club as a whole is up to.

Each chapter is told by a different character, with Clay’s observations in between chapters tying them all together. I like the set-up because you hear the different character’s voices and see events from different points of view.

When I began reading the first book, I thought, “Well, Christian fiction should have flawed characters, because we are all flawed,  but wow, these ladies are over the top!” I think, I hope, anyway that some of their character flaws are exaggerated for effect, especially Lisa Leann’s. And though the storylines may sound somewhat soap-opera-ish, Christians today do have to deal with several of the issues involved. The authors masterfully weave together each storyline ads the ladies help each other through each crisis and grow in grace and dependence on the Lord, and there are splashes of humor as well as poignant moments throughout. This was my favorite book in the series so far.

Saturday Photo Scavenger Hunt: Dirty


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This is Suzie-the-dog getting undirty. You can tell how she feels about the process. Love her longsuffering, woebegone expression there.

Suzie the dog's bath

In this picture the boys are more messy, really, than dirty. This was after the “finale” of their youth group competition at the end of the school year a few years ago. They were on opposite teams. They get a little crazy with the face paint and games that night! I think there was even a food fight….

Sigma finale

Updated: This party kept coming to mind, so I decided to scan the picture in and include it, too. This was at Jason’s 6th birthday party 14 years ago. We had let him invite several guys for a birthday party at a state park which had a clear little stream they could wade in. On the invitations we advised that they wear something they could get wet and dirty in. I vividly remember Jason excitedly telling all his friends, “We get to get dirty!” Ideal fun for a 6 year old boy! All the activity is stirring up the dirt at the bottom and making the stream look all muddy. By the way, yes, that’s me there, very pregnant with Jesse. Can you believe he wasn’t born for another two months after this picture?

Jason's 6th birthday

Show and Tell Friday: Shepherd picture

show-and-tell.jpg Kelli at There’s No Place Like Home hosts “Show and Tell Friday” asking “Do you have a something special to share with us? It could be a trinket from grade school, a piece of jewelry, an antique find. Your show and tell can be old or new. Use your imagination and dig through those old boxes in your closet if you have to! Feel free to share pictures and if there’s a story behind your special something, that’s even better! If you would like to join in, all you have to do is post your “Show and Tell” on your blog, copy the post link, come over here and add it to Mr. Linky. Guidelines are here.“

Way back in March, I posted a drawing portraying the Good Shepherd hugging the lost sheep who was found and asked if anyone knew the artist or anything about it. A commenter provided a link to the full-color print by artist Katherine Brown. I had seen this years ago and loved the truth it portrayed as well as the expressions of both shepherd and sheep.

Well, my husband saw that post, and, unbeknownst to me, ordered it and gave it to me for Mother’s Day last May. He also printed the words to the hymn “That One Lost Sheep” which I had referenced on a previous post.

Shepherd

Though I loved the print and loved his thoughtfulness, I also wrestled with whether such a print was a violation of the second commandment about not making any graven images. I hadn’t thought of it when I saw the small image online, but for some reason seeing it big and full color, that came to mind.

My husband had thought the picture was just of a shepherd and didn’t realize that it actually represented Christ — he didn’t notice the nail prints at first. He said he thought it was ok, but if I felt uncomfortable with it, it would be fine to send it back.

I rolled it back up and put it in the mailing tube to keep it safe and thought about it off and on.

I read over the passage where the second commandment of the ten is contained in Exodus 20:

4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;

6 And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

I felt that, if we took it to mean we shouldn’t make images of anything in heaven, we also shouldn’t make any likenesses or images of anything, really, the way the verse reads. But just a few chapters later, the Israelites are told to make cherubim out of gold whose wings were to cover the mercy seat in the tabernacle (Exodus 25) and curtain hangings with designs of cherubims woven in (Exodus 26). So the verse in Ex. 20 must not mean that people aren’t to make any images or likenesses of any kind whatsoever. Verse 5 of Ex. 20 seems to indicate the main idea is not to worship or bow down to those images or likenesses.

I tossed out a question about it on a Christian message board, and one man said he didn’t feel we should have pictures of Jesus because we don’t know what He looked like — I guess maybe he felt any representation would then be a false one. But to me it’s better that way: if we truly knew what He looked like, people might be more tempted to venerate the picture in a wrong way. The point of this picture is not to show what someone thought Jesus looked like, but rather to portray the truth of the love the Good Shepherd had for His sheep, the relief that it was found, and the contentedness and safety of the rescued sheep in the Shepherd’s arms.

So, with all of that in mind, I decided to keep it. My husband had also given me a gift card to Michael’s to get it framed, and they have weekly 50% off coupons for framing, so I took it in a couple of weeks ago. I just got it back today! I should wait til I have it properly hung to show it. I just took the picture down that was above the fireplace and put this up to see how it would look. I want to put the framed hymn next to it or near it somehow. I’ll have to wait til Saturday when Jim can help me with it. But I wanted to go ahead and show what it looks like:

Shepherd picture

And here is the hymn:

That one lost sheep

I’ll put the words for you here:

That One Lost Sheep

Safe were the ninety and nine in the fold.
Safe though the night was stormy and cold;
But said the Shepherd when counting them o’er,
One sheep is missing, there should be one more.

Although His feet were weary and worn,
And though His hands were rent and torn,
Although the road was rocky and steep,
Still the good Shepherd searched long for his sheep.

There in the night He heard a faint cry
From the lost sheep just ready to die.
Then in His arms to shield from the cold
He brought the lost sheep back safe to the fold.

The Shepherd went out to search for the sheep,
And all through the night on the rocky steep
He searched till he found him,
With love bands He bound him,
And I was that one lost sheep.

— Seat

Booking Through Thursday: Statistics

btt2.jpg The Booking Through Thursday question for this week is:

There was a widely bruited-about statistic reported last week, stating that 1 in 4 Americans did not read a single book last year. Clearly, we don’t fall into that category, but . . . how many of our friends do? Do you have friends/family who read as much as you do? Or are you the only person you know who has a serious reading habit?

I am the only book-reader in my immediate family. 😦 I had visions of enjoying the classics with my kids, and we read a lot when they were little, we were regulars at the library, but somehow they all got away from the habit. My mother-in-law reads avidly and my mom did also when she was alive. Among my friends, there are several who do read books occasionally. Among my online acquaintances, though, there are many who read as much as I do and even more.

Works-For-Me Wednesday: Beware of over-sympathizing

wfmwheader_4.jpgI first became aware of this concept through a beloved college professor, Dr. Walter Fremont, now with the Lord after having ALS for 20 years. He taught Child Psychology and Adolescent Psychology, among other things, and spoke at camps and conferences and retreats on the family.

In his book, Formula For Family Unity, in a chapter titled “Principles for Building Up Children For God,” he puts it like this:

 Parents should not take the grit out of their children’s lives by protecting them from every hardship, blow, or disappointment. Remember, adversity strengthens character. For example…having them face the elements (rain, ice, and snow) while on a paper route will give them a strengthened will to face difficult times later in life. One mother thought she was helping her son…by getting up every morning at 5 a.m. to take him on his paper route. She was actually harming him by not letting him fulfill his own responsibilities. Children are resilient; they can take a lot if Mother doesn’t make them feel abused and neglected by an overly sympathetic attitude. Such a statement as, “Oh, honey, it’s so cold out there; I’m afraid you’ll freeze on your paper route,” produces a negative attitude in the mind of the child. Mother ought to say, “When you finish your paper route, I’ll have a cup of hot chocolate waiting and a good breakfast.”

Setting aside the example of a paper route (I don’t know if a child can do paper routes any more as they are so big now, and there are safety issues that weren’t as much of a concern then) and just concentrating on the principle at hand, do you hear the difference between the two responses from Mother in his example? The first can make the child feel sorry for himself and negative about what he has to do. The second is sympathetic and helpful, but in a positive, encouraging way, silently acknowledging, “It will be tough, but you can do it, and there will be something warm and comforting when you’re done.”

It’s kind of like the difference I learned to express when my firstborn was a toddler and preschooler. If he fell or did something where I thought he might have hurt himself, I’d gasp and rush to him: “Are you ok? Does it hurt? Are you bleeding? Poor baby! Come here and let me hug you. Shall I kiss it and make it better?” He may have been fine, but that reaction would make him think maybe he really did need that sympathy, and he would cry until he was comforted. Gradually I learned to just watch his reaction. If he seemed ok, we’d smile at each other, or I’d acknowledge what had happened in  cheery voice, and he’d dust himself off and go on his merry way.

Of course, this has to be kept in balance. Sometimes sympathy, an arm around the shoulder, the knowledge that someone cares and understands, is just exactly what they need. God will give us the wisdom to know how to react to the different situations if we ask Him.

But I think as moms, especially, we have to curtail that inclination to want to smooth every path and make everything easy and take all the hardships and tough spots out of their lives. They’ll never be able to face the really tough stretches in the road of life later on if we do that.

See Rocks In My Dryer for a wealth of great tips.