I had a lovely Mother’s Day. One tradition that developed somehow is that Jim usually grills something for lunch on Mother’s Day after church and the boys are all assigned a side dish. Jeremy made the salad, Jason made Rice-a-roni, Jesse shucked corn on the cob while Jim grilled the chicken. Jim also cut up strawberries and got those little sponge cake thingies and whipped topping for strawberry shortcake. Jim did the shopping for the meal on Saturday. Jeremy set the table, and then they cleaned up the kitchen afterward. Not only is the meal great, but it is so lovely to come in after church and just go relax!

When the boys were little I had them pick out cards to buy for family members having birthday or for Father’s Day and such — I think we may have made cards once or twice, but I can’t remember for sure. But as they have gotten older, I leave that to them — and they don’t usually buy or make cards of any kind. 🙂 But this year Jesse gave me a card with his present. When I opened it, it was a thank you card, and at first I chuckled at that. But inside he thanked me for the things that I do for the family (at the top was making food. 🙂 “The way to a man’s heart…..”). It was very, very sweet, and a note I’ll keep always.

Jim always gives lovely, thoughtful cards. I also received a couple of books I had been wanting plus one in a series that I didn’t know was coming, some scrapbooking paper and alphabet punches and a lovely print and a gift card to get it framed. I am very blessed!

On a different line of thought, my heart has been heavy this week for a family I know in which the teen-age daughter is having some problems that came to a head recently. The people involved (and, I think, everyone whom we mutually know) don’t read my blog, but I still don’t want to disclose the details to protect privacy. They are receiving counseling, and one thing that came up was the lack of boundaries the child had and the mother’s being a “softie” and letting her have her way. The counselor told her that was bad parenting. I don’t think that was the wisest wording, because she was so wounded over being called a bad parent that she’s not hearing any solutions.

This is not the first time someone we know has reaped problems in the teen years that were sown in the early years. Whether the parent in some cases just doesn’t know how to discipline, or they felt it would be too “mean” to do so, or they’re too influenced by some off-the-wall child psychology that tells them they’ll damage their child’s little psyche if they tell them no, or they’re just lazy, the end result is usually the same. We’re naturally self-centered and we don’t usually naturally want what’s best for ourselves, plus children aren’t born with wisdom and experience. Parents aren’t doing children any favors by letting them have their way all the time, by not ever restraining them, by always giving them they want.

When I was in college taking a class on the family, it was stressed that parents need to think about what kind of adult they want their child to be and then raise them accordingly. If we want to raise an adult who will be a diligent worker who sees a job through to completion, we need to give him “chores” to do (and finish) when he’s young. If we want our children to be adults with a healthy measure of self-control, we have to realize they are not going to have it magically when they turn 18: it has to be developed along the way, and it won’t be if they always receive what they want. We can’t expect perfection, of course. But they can begin at a pretty early age to have the foundation laid.

I’ve been thinking for a while about writing our philosophies and how we disciplined our children. I’ve been hesitant because I’m not an expert and no one in my family is perfect, and I don’t want to come across as if I think I am. Yet the Lord did teach us some things along the way, and there seems to be such a need for parents to realize that not only can they discipline their kids, but it is their God-given responsibility to. I see so many out-of-control kids leading their parents around, with the parents shrugging and thinking that’s just how it is or getting really frustrated and then doing things they regret. It doesn’t have to be that way.

So — I may think and pray further about that. I can’t write it our today — I have some other obligations. But I may do so later this week.

I hope this hasn’t sounded like a “rant” — I haven’t meant it that way at all, and that’s not how my heart feels writing it. I’m more saddened and burdened for families in this situation.