Reading Classics Together: Knowing God

Posted on August 19, 2015 by Barbara Harper

Somehow I have never read Knowing God by J. I. Packer, though I have heard it is wonderful. The title came to my attention again a few weeks ago, and I thought it might be a good time to start it. Then I saw that Tim Challies was leading readers through the book for his Reading Classics Together Series on Thursdays, and that added impetus to read it now, along with the fact that a few blog friends will be reading it at this time as well.

I’ve only participated in Tim’s Reading Classics Together one other time, with The Disciples of Grace by Jerry Bridges. I had decided I wasn’t going to blog about this book every week like I did then, especially since Tim has closed comments on his blog and readers can only participate via a Facebook group for that purpose. I’m really sad about that, for a number of reasons. But as I read the first chapter, I decided it would help me get more out of it and cement what I was learning to keep notes from each chapter rather than just trying to tie it all together at the end.

Chapter 1 is “The Study of God.” I don’t think I am going to summarize or outline each chapter, as Tim will probably do that. I’m just going to share a few things that stood out to me.

Packer starts out with a lengthy quote from Spurgeon extolling the virtues of studying God, reproduced here. Packer counters charges that such a study would be boring, impractical, and irrelevant and instead asserts that “it is the most practical project anyone can engage in” (p. 19).

He talks in the preface and some in the chapter about the spirit of the modern age of skepticism, and here comments, “I ask you for the moment to stop your ears to those who tell you there is no road to knowledge about God, and come a little way with me and see. After all, the proof of the pudding is in the eating, and anyone who is actually following a recognized road will not be too worried if he hears nontravelers telling each other that no such road exists” (p. 19).

Packer warns that, “To be preoccupied with getting theological knowledge as an end in itself, to approach Bible study with no higher a motive than a desire to know all the answers, is the direct route to a state of self-satisfied self-deception. We need to guard our hearts against such an attitude, and pray to be kept from it” (p. 22).

“There can be no spiritual health without doctrinal knowledge; but it is equally true that there can be no spiritual health with it, if it is sought for the wrong purpose and valued by the wrong standard” (p. 22). I very much appreciate that he doesn’t downplay Bible study or knowledge – too many people today, trying to make the same point Packer does, tend to set up false dichotomies about whether we love God or the Bible when we actually learn to love God through the Bible. Rather, he says, yes, study God’s Word – that’s how we learn what He wants us to know about Him – but don’t stop with the academics and the facts. Yearn to get to know God Himself through your study of His Word.

The psalmist [of Psalm 119] was interested in truth and orthodoxy, in biblical teaching and theology, not as ends in themselves, but as means to the further ends of life and godliness. His ultimate concern was with the knowledge and service of the great God whose truth he sought to understand (pp. 22-23).

One of the ways we do this is by meditation, “the activity of calling to mind, and thinking over, and dwelling on, and applying to oneself, the various things that one knows about the works and ways and purposes and promises of God. It is an activity of holy thought, consciously performed in the presence of God, under the eye of God, by the help of God, and as a means of communion with God. Its purpose is to clear one’s mental and spiritual vision of God, and to let His truth make its full and proper impact on one’s mind and heart. It is a matter of talking to oneself about God and oneself; it is, indeed, often a matter of arguing with oneself, reasoning oneself out of moods of doubt and unbelief into a clear apprehension of God’s power and grace” (p. 23).

Chapter 2, “The People Who Know Their God,” Packer expands on the theme of knowing God vs. just knowing about Him. Daniel 11:32b says, “the people that do know their God shall be strong, and do exploits,” or, as another version states it, “shall stand firm and take action.” Drawing from the book of Daniel, he notes and discusses that:

Those who know their God have great energy for God.
Those who know their God have great thoughts of God.
Those who know their God have great boldness for God.Those who know their God have great contentment in God.

It’s not too late if you’d like to join in on this study. We’re reading and discussing two chapters a week, and the chapters are easy to read and not long. I am finding it very beneficial so far.

Laudable Linkage

Posted on August 8, 2015 by Barbara Harper

It has been quite a while since I have been able to do one of these, but here are some posts I’ve found interesting the last few weeks. Maybe you’ll enjoy one or two of them as well:

Planned Parenthood: Four Ways to Respond.

Explaining the Problem Does Not Eliminate the Problem.

Gentle Selfishness, HT to Challies. Guilty.

How We Do Family Devotions.

Are You Believing This Lie About Love?

Getting Acquainted With God.

The Sunday Worship Killer.

A Right Theology of Fear (and Why You Need It.)

A few on mothering:

Talking to Your Kids About Same-Sex Marriage.

The Beginning of the Sacrifice of motherhood.

How Much Should a Mom Minster Outside the Home?

Hidden. God has a purpose in “hidden years.”

A few on online communication:

How Should Christians Comment Online?

An Embarrassing Week For Christians Sharing Fake News. Yes! Confirm before you share.

Why I Removed Extremely Effective Pop-ups From My Web Site. Yes! Wish everyone would do this!

What Makes Readers Lose Interest in a Blog?

Four Easy Ways to Create Quote Graphics for Facebook, Pinterest, and Your Blog. Do you use any of these, or any others? I’ve used Quozio a few times.

21 Self-Editing Secrets That Can Supercharge Your Manuscript.

In Zimbabwe, We Don’t Cry For Lions. HT to Challies. A different and refreshing perspective on the Cecil the Lion story.

Someone shared this on Facebook:

Amen! Happy Saturday!

Exceeding abundantly, but unseen

Posted on July 22, 2015 by Barbara Harper

In one of those “one thought leads to another” progressions, a line in girltalk’s post this morning, “No Grace For Your Imagination,” stood out to me: “But for today’s sufficient trouble there is God’s more-than-sufficient grace.” That reminded me of Ephesians 3:20: “Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us.” That, in turn, got me to thinking that we tend to associate “exceeding abundantly” as “big and dramatic,” but often the process of God’s working is barely perceptible. We also tend to associate it with material needs, and it can apply to those, but look at the prayer requests that proceeded this tribute to God:

For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.

This passage, along with Colossians 1:9-14 and Philippians 1:9-11, is one that I often pray for myself and my loved ones. The particular qualities mentioned are not only unseen and internal (though the results of them are seen), they’re also the kinds of things we don’t receive in a moment. They take time to grow and develop.So praying for them can often seem discouraging because we “don’t see anything happening.” Yet even in those, especially in those, we can trust God to work “exceeding abundantly.”

For years I had written Bible verses out at the bottom of my letters to my father. He never commented on them, so I just assumed he skipped over them, thinking, “There she goes again” while rolling his eyes. Yet he told the pastor who led him to the Lord that he had read them. My mother, as well, went from not wanting to hear about the things of the Lord to being very open to them at the end of her life. If I had asked her what caused the change or how it happened, she probably could not have told me. I’ve mentioned before a missionary who longed and prayed to be more loving, and turned from berating herself to instead meditating on God’s love for her, resulting in changes she wasn’t even aware of until people commented to her husband about the change in her. Many of us have experienced being given grace and strength for a trial that we didn’t “feel” so much at the time, but looking back, we wondered how we ever got through it and knew we could only have done so by God’s grace.

William Cowper says in his hymn, “God Moves in Mysterious Ways,”

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.

Even in the deepest recesses of hearts, we can trust Him to work “exceeding abundantly” to answer our requests and fulfill His will.

It’s ok to say it hurts

Posted on July 20, 2015 by Barbara Harper

Recently a friend shared a painful incident that had occurred in her life, and when a couple of us who were listening tried to express sympathy, her tone changed to one of upbeat cheeriness while she tried to assure us everything was ok and she was rejoicing in the Lord.

It’s not the first time that kind of thing has happened.

As Christians, when we face some kind of trial, we remind ourselves of Biblical truth: God is in control, this has not taken Him by surprise, He has a purpose for it, something to teach us in it; He wants to grow our faith by it; He will give us the grace and strength to deal with it. Those are comforting and do help us as we work through the situation.

On top of that, we’re conscious that other people are watching, and we want to be a good testimony and to glorify God in our responses. So sometimes we translate that into putting on a happy face before others and dealing with our confusion and pain in private.

I’ve mentioned that I used to do this after contracting transverse myelitis and finding an online support group of TM patients and caregivers. Honestly, at first I didn’t join them with the idea of trying to be a good testimony. I was just looking for answers in an era when I couldn’t find information anywhere else (thankfully there is a great amount of information available now). But as I interacted with the group, I did realize that I couldn’t help but share God’s grace in dealing with me and helping me cope. I wanted to represent Him well, so I shared only the positive and kept to myself the hard days and frustrations. Later on another Christian joined the group, and she was refreshingly honest and real about her struggles, yet still expressed faith and reliance on God. That was one incident that helped me realize that having joy in the Lord is not the same thing as grinning and bearing it or keeping a stiff upper lip.

The Bible is full of God’s people speaking honestly about their pain and trouble. The Psalms especially are balm for a weary soul. Lamentations shares the full emotion resulting from God’s judgment even while acknowledging God’s justice in His actions. Paul says, “ We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body” (2 Corinthians 4:8-10). He admits to being troubled, perplexed, and cast down while still testifying to God’s keeping him from being distressed, in despair, forsaken, and destroyed. Even our Lord Jesus “offered up prayers and supplications with strong crying and tears unto him that was able to save him from death” (Hebrews 5:7).

I admit it’s hard sometimes to find the balance. We do want to honor the Lord in our trials and not sound like we’re complaining. But I think it helps people more to see us apply Biblical truth to our painful situation rather than acting like we’re above it all and unaffected. Thus, I’d rather hear, “It hurts that so many special things were stolen in the break-in, but it’s a reminder to us that thieves do break through and steal in this world, and we’re to store up treasures in heaven” than an attempt to brush it off. Or, “God, this disease really hurts today. I so wish and pray you’d take it from me. In the meantime, please give me the grace to deal with it.” Or, “I don’t understand why God took my wife home so early, and it hurts like crazy, but I depend on His grace moment by moment.” In one of Elisabeth Elliot’s writings, she said that even with knowing so many wonderful things God did as a result of her husband’s death, that still didn’t satisfy. God can save people and draw them to a closer walk with Him or into service for Him without taking someone’s life to do so. Yet she accepted it and trusted Him in the midst of it. The “peace that passes understanding” that God gives when we take our requests to Him with prayer and thanksgiving doesn’t deny the pain or problems: in fact, it’s all the more marvelous because it occurs in the midst of the pain and problems.

It doesn’t dishonor God to say that something hurts or confuses us. It might dishonor Him to wallow in it without looking to Him. But when we look to Him, honor Him, rejoice in Him, and trust Him even while acknowledging painful or frustrating situations, people see His grace is sufficient for any need.

For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Sharing at Thought-Provoking Thursday.

Fallow Hearts

Posted on July 15, 2015 by Barbara Harper

The parable of the sower speaks of different “soils” of the heart that produced different results from the sowing of the Word of God. What can we do to help our hearts be “good ground” so that God’s Word can take root and bring forth fruit?

1. Hosea 10:12 says, “ Sow to yourselves in righteousness, reap in mercy; break up your fallow ground: for it is time to seek the LORD, till he come and rain righteousness upon you.” Jeremiah 4:3 also speaks of breaking up our fallow ground.

2. We need to remove the “stones,” the hard places of our willfulness, and the “thorns” of the cares and pleasures of this life which want to choke out the Word. In a different seed metaphor, the seed being ourselves this time, John 12: 24-25 says, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit. He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.” In order to bring forth spiritual fruit we have to be willing to die to our own plans, dreams, desires, and will and yield all of those things to the Lord. This sounds so difficult, and it is, but the more we know the Lord, the more we can trust Him with all of those things and stop grasping them for ourselves, thinking we can protect them. His way really is so much better, but often we can’t see that til we get on the other side of the issue at hand, til after we’ve yielded. That’s where faith comes in — faith in Who He is, His love, wisdom, and goodness.

3. Psalm 25:9 says, “ The meek will he guide in judgment: and the meek will he teach his way.” Elisabeth Elliot writes in Keep a Quiet Heart, “Meekness is teachability. ‘The meek will he teach his way’ (Psalm 25:9, KJV). It is the readiness to be shown, which includes the readiness to lay down my fixed notions, my objections and ‘what ifs’ or ‘but what abouts,’ my certainties about the rightness of what I have always done or thought or said. It is the child’s glad ‘Show me! Is this the way? Please help me.’ We won’t make it into the kingdom without that childlikeness, that simple willingness to be taught and corrected and helped. ‘Receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls’ (James 1:21, KJV). Meekness is an explicitly spiritual quality, a fruit of the Spirit, learned, not inherited. It shows in the kind of attention we pay to one another, the tone of voice we use, the facial expression.”

4. Psalm 25:14 says, “The secret of the LORD is with them that fear him; and he will shew them his covenant.” Reverence for the Lord makes us teachable. Proverbs 1:7 says, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

5. In Matthew 15:16 and Mark 7:13, Jesus tells the Pharisees and scribes that they have made the commandment or word of God “of none effect” through their traditions. That is a scary thought, that we can diminish the effectiveness of the Word by our preconceived notions or our imposing on the Word our own ideas of what it says or means.

6. In John 7:17, Jesus says, “If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself.” A willingness to do His will makes us teachable.

This is not meant to be an exhaustive list, and there are probably many other aspects to consider, but, if you’re like me, this is more than enough to get started.

What do we do, though, if we’re not feeling particularly meek, if we know we don’t reverence the Lord as we ought, if we’re feeling stubborn and willful and we know it is wrong, but we don’t know quite what to do with ourselves? Should we avoid the Word, then, thinking it will be useless with our hearts in that condition? That’s exactly what we need not to do. One definition for “fallow” at Dictionary.com is “not in use; inactive.” The last thing we need is to let the “ground” of our hearts remain inactive. That’s one of the times we need the Word the most.

When I am feeling like that, first of all I pray and confess that to the Lord and ask Him to change my heart. Then I look up verses like three in Psalm 80 which say, “Turn us again, O God, and cause thy face to shine; and we shall be saved,” or Psalm 85:6: “Wilt thou not revive us again: that thy people may rejoice in thee?” or Psalm 119:36-37: “Incline my heart unto thy testimonies, and not to covetousness. Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way” or Psalm 119: 10-11: “ Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness. Quicken me, O LORD, for thy name’s sake: for thy righteousness’ sake bring my soul out of trouble.” (If you have a concordance or Online Bible program, it’s very helpful to search for the word “quicken” and read through the verses that contain that word, and use those in your own prayers.

When we go to Him confessing our lack of meekness, reverence, and willingness and asking Him to work on us in those areas, then He can use His Word to begin to plow up the soil of our hearts and make “good ground.”

If we leave a field untended, it grows weeds and the ground hardens again. So this plowing must be a continual process. It might sound painful, “but no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby” (Heb. 12:11). The more our hearts are “weeded” and kept soft and pliable, the more the seed of God’s Word can take root and bring forth fruit.

Break up my fallow ground, Give a heart just like your own.
Where your word will find sweet soil Everywhere that it is sown.
Break up my fallow ground, Rid my heart of sinful stone.
Break up my fallow ground–My heart your throne

Lord you saved me with your blood you shed on Calvary,
And sweet blessings you have given everyday.
But my stubborn heart has often not been yielded
To your plan you had for me–your perfect way.

Every day I am so easily distracted
from the glory and the joy of serving Thee.
Wicked pride and bitterness are there to strangle,
Sinful habits keep me from the victory.

~ Julia Montoro

(Photos courtesy of the stock.xchng)

(Revised and reposted from the archives)

Sharing at Thought-Provoking Thursday.

Laudable Linkage

Posted on July 10, 2015 by Barbara Harper

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve shared some links that caught my eye. Here are the latest – hope you find something of interest:

As Somebody Somewhere Said. Good reasons to read the Bible as a whole rather than only parts of it.

Hoaxes and Hermeneutics. The need for learning how to interpret the Bible rightly.

How To Complain Without Grumbling. There’s a difference, and I am so glad to see someone finally say so.

Jesus Speaks Out For Marriage.

How the Gospel Ended My Same-Sex Relationship.

Do You Treat Your Husband Worse Than a Stranger?

5 Questions I Wish My Accountability Partner Would Ask Me. I am wary of accountability partner set-ups for several reasons, and while the author still recommends them, he advocates facets that are much more in line with Biblical accountability and relationships that what I usually see.

Twenty Years. A man’s reflection on twenty years of marriage.

Mama, Are You Thinking Ahead?

Teach Your Children to Have Devotions. Wish I’d had something like this to read when mine were small.

It’s OK For Kids to Be Bored During Church.

Why Little Kids Need Big Biblical Words.

Cherishing and Protecting Our Freedoms.

4 Tips For Dealing With Procrastination.

Navigating the Challenges of Real Life Online. “If you share everything, you’re an exhibitionist. If you share nothing, you’re closed-off and unapproachable. If you share too many good things, you’re fake. If you share too many bad things, you’re a whiner.” Jenn discusses some principles and guidelines for finding balance here.

10 Things Photographers Hate With a Passion. I had never seen the dinosaur wedding thing before. Bizarre! I don’t agree with every point – I think some trendy or “as seen on Pinterest” requests are inevitable – but otherwise some good things for us to think about.

And I saw this on the C. S. Lewis Facebook Page.

Happy Independence Day!

Posted on July 4, 2015 by Barbara Harper

I discovered the following on the back of a church bulletin in a box I was cleaning out. It was written by a former pastor of our family’s, Jesse L. Boyd, for whom our son, Jesse, was named.

Are Your Free?

One of the frequent cries of our day is, “I want to be free.” Well, what is freedom? It is not the living of life without restraints of law.

It is not licentiousness or immorality, because their slimy arms can soon wrap us up in their dark and dismal prison-house of suffering.

It is not the lack of government, but rather the privilege of having the right of freely enjoying one’s own government.

It is true Americanism: founded on the Holy Bible, bequeathed to us by our forefathers, and symbolized in Old Glory — The Star-Spangled Banner — “Oh, long may it wave o’er the land of the free, and the home of the brave.”

It is the privilege of spending one’s treasure, of spilling one’s blood, and of being prompted by the spirit of liberty to stand against despotism and tyranny.

It is liberty and loyalty combined.

It is the enjoyment of civil and religious liberty.

It is the title to justice.

It is living as one should; no wicked man lives as he should, therefore, he is never free.

It is having full mastery over all matter.

Freedom ends where tyranny begins.

It comes by mastering one’s self.

It comes through knowing the truth. “Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32).

It comes through receiving Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour. “If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed” (John 8:36). “It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1, NAS). “For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death” (Romans 8:2). Hallelujah! What a Saviour!

Freedom is that which one receives from God in the new birth. Man cannot govern himself, because, when all restraints are taken away, then evil dethrones him. He can only find rest (soul rest; freedom) in the arms of Jesus Christ. Are you free?

Laudable Linkage

Posted on June 27, 2015 by Barbara Harper

It has been a while since I’ve shared interesting reads I’ve come across online. Here are some from the last few weeks:

Moms With Hands Full Need the Church.

I’m Grateful That Lady Forced a Bible On Me, HT to Challies. “We have this idea that doing something significant for God requires huge planning, red letters in the sky, a parting of the sea, signs and wonders. But the truth is, He’s working through us in ways we could never arrange on our own.”

No Disappointment in Jesus? HT to Story Warren. “It’s in life, in the real world, down here where things do and do not pan out, that the just are supposed to live by faith. When we are honestly disappointed in the way the God we trusted has handled things, when what has happened was not at all what we wanted—then statements like “Not my will but thine be done” have powerful meaning. What a sinewy kind of trust old John the Baptist had as he lay in chains—captive, doomed, lonely, blessed, and not offended.”

Are You Letting Your Kids Walk All Over You?

I Don’t Know What to Say. What’s helpful and not helpful when someone is grieving.

What I Learned From Elisabeth Elliot in Her Last Years.

Elisabeth Elliot’s Writings. Ann gives a good overview.

Staring at Dementia, Fighting For Joy.

Where’ve You Been? Story behind a touching and beautiful song about a man’s grandparents, one with Alzheimer’s.

How Can I Have a Successful Blog While Raising Little Kids?

Father’s Days: A Cartoonist’s Journey Into First Time Fatherhood of a baby with a severe illness.

7 Things You Need to Know About Medicare But Probably Don’t.

A boy’s stuffed tiger goes on a grand adventure at Tampa International Airport. Thought this was so cute and sweet!

Of course, yesterday’s Supreme Court ruling is on many minds and hearts. I’m still processing the news and don’t know whether I’ll say any more about it, but the best posts I’ve read so far are But What Does the Bible Say? by Kevin DeYoung and CBMW’s Official Response to the SCOTUS Ruling, and then Nancy Leigh DeMoss has a video response here.

Melanie shared this recently – a real-life illustration of the sheep knowing their shepherd’s voice:

I don’t know how many of you are familiar with Ron Hamilton, aka “Patch the Pirate.” He’s fairly well known in the Southeast. I love this arrangement of his song. Ben Everson is a master at these mutli-harmony things:

Happy Saturday!

Is it more important to be nice or to be right?

Posted on June 17, 2015 by Barbara Harper

I’ve seen this quote all over Pinterest in various forms, attributed to various authors: “Sometimes it’s better to be kind than right. We don’t need a brilliant mind that speaks, but a patient heart who listens.” Sometimes the word “nice” is substituted for “kind.”

I think what people who propose this have in mind is interpersonal relations. We probably all know someone who “always has to be right.” Now, most of us want to be right. No one wants to go around misinformed or holding onto opinions that are known to be wrong or foolish. But most of us have at least enough humility to realize that we might unwittingly be wrong sometimes. Some people are hard to be convinced of that, though.

This quote might also refer to those people’s little idiosyncrasies that can rub each other the wrong way. How the toilet paper goes on the roll. Where to squeeze the toothpaste tube. It’s usually best to let those things go and compromise for the sake of the relationship. The person who has to have everything his or her way because of course that’s the only right way can make everyone else miserable.

But in some cases, being wrong can be deadly. The wrong wire cut on the bomb. The wrong medical procedure or medicine. The wrong path to a broken bridge. The wrong opinion about who Jesus is or how one can know Him.

Unfortunately in my particular circles in Christendom, people can sometimes use truth like a steamroller or bullhorn or club. Arrogance does not make the gospel winsome or inviting; harshness can turn people off to the truth.

In addition, we need to care about the whole person, not just their response to our truth. Years ago when my sister attended the church I was attending at the time, she had a number of people wanting to take her under their wing and advise her along the way. She needed the advice, but she felt like all anyone was interested in was telling her what she should be doing: no one wanted to just befriend her. When I first became a Christian, I had to realize that my relationship with my lost family couldn’t be just about my trying to witness to them. That only made them feel like a “project.” I needed to listen to them, do things with them, just love them.

Sometimes we have to wait until a person is ready before we can tell them things they need to hear. Jesus told the disciples once, “I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now” (John 16:12).

On the other hand, Jesus rebuked the disciples for being fearful and not having faith in a situation where fear would seem like a natural response: being in a boat in a storm at sea.

And sometimes He shared truth that the other person did not receive, and He let him walk away, like the “rich young ruler.” He didn’t call him back, soften the message, or backtrack so the relationship could continue. When God brings a person to confront their dearest idol, it’s a crisis, and He wants them to see it for what it is and repent. Thankfully in His grace He’ll often bring a person to that point a number of times (I’ve always hoped that that man came back to the Lord at another time). Chris Anderson makes the point that in our day, there is a rush to get such a person to the “sinner’s prayer” and gloss over their heart issues: “How many such men have been led in a sinner’s prayer that salved their consciences but didn’t save their souls? How many have thus been unwittingly inoculated against the truth? How many have left churches lost and relieved rather than lost and sorrowful?” We need to allow time for godly sorrow to do its work toward repentance unto salvation.

In addition, God, through the New Testament writers, said that sometimes an issue is so important that His people need to take a stand and separate from others:

II Thess. 3: 6: Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us.

II Thess. 3: 14-15: And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed. Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.

I Cor. 5:9-11: I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators: Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world. But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.

II Cor. 6: 14: Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (This does not mean we’re not supposed to interact at all with unbelievers, but we’re not to be “yoked” together in situations like marriage).

And the apostles could also seem harsh in their warnings against false teachers, but the truth in question was so vital, and error in its regard so eternally deadly, that strong warnings were needed.

So is it more important to be nice or kind than to be right? It depends on the issue in question and the needs of the people involved. It’s best to be both if possible. The Bible speaks often of God’s kindness and admonishes us in many places to be kind. In interpersonal relationships, especially, we’re to “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye” (Colossians 3: 12-13). In larger issues where a right view is essential, we don’t need to convey or defend truth in an unnecessarily harsh, negative, gripy, or cynical way. But cutting corners on the truth in an effort to be nice is neither kind nor loving.

See also Does niceness really matter?

Sharing at Thought-Provoking Thursday.

Laudable Linkage

Posted on June 6, 2015 by Barbara Harper

Here are some thought-provoking reads from the past couple of weeks – maybe you’ll find one or two of interest:

My Father Killed My Mother. “How am I supposed to keep the command to honor my father when all I really know of him is that he hurts people to the point of shattering the very next command about murder?”

A Pastor’s Response to the Death of a Childhood Abuser.

What Missionaries Aren’t Telling You (And What They Need From You)

When Your Heart Isn’t In It. “Do you really think that avoiding worship will be the means by which your heart will changed, prepared to engage in worship?”

How Much of My Sinful Past Should I Share With My Children?

The Duggars and the Evil Outside, HT to my friend Ann. You may be getting tired of all the posts about their situation, and I have been mainly staying out of it since I don’t watch the show and only know what I’ve heard, but I thought this made an important point: We can try to shield children from all the evil “out there,” but we still have a sin nature in our own hearts that we have to learn how to deal with. Then just this morning I saw an article on an interview with Jill and Jessa Duggars that “The media coverage has been 1,000 times worse than the incident.”

Korean Artist Beautifully Illustrates What Real Love Looks Like. These are sweet.

And, finally, I think I may have posted it before, but I saw it again recently and it still cracks me up: